REFS NEED LOVE TOO
An honest perspective from the 3rd team on the pitch... the referees. Through humor, analysis and education, we are slowly changing how people view referees and officials in all sports. We care and have a love for the game as much as any player or coach. Sometimes even more. Youth soccer (proper football) is a multi-billion $ industry in the US. Tremendous money is spent on players, competitions, travel etc., but almost nothing spent on developing the next generation of referees. I hope that this Podcast inspires, educates and humanizes the next generation of referees for their own development and appreciation from the players, coaches and spectators they need to work alongside.
REFS NEED LOVE TOO
From Corporate Burnout to Passion Project: New Career and New Referees
Landing my dream job as Director of Referee Programming and Development at SoCal Soccer League marks the culmination of a four-year journey that began when I started the Refs Need Love Too channel as a joke in 2021. What started as an escape from corporate burnout has transformed into a full-time opportunity to improve referee development across the largest soccer league in America, with over 4,400 teams and 40,000 players.
This career shift represents everything I've been working toward—taking what I've done nights and weekends for years and making it my day job. The position allows me to create comprehensive training systems that address what current referee education lacks: practical guidance for managing real-world match situations beyond basic mechanics and rules.
Current referee training focuses too heavily on the top 1% of officials while neglecting the 99% working grassroots matches. These grassroots referees face entirely different challenges than what's seen in professional matches with perfect pitches and elite athletes. We need practical training for managing bunched play, varying skill levels, and parent interactions at youth levels.
For new referees especially, success depends on factors rarely covered in certification courses. Professional appearance creates a crucial first impression. Confident presence during check-in establishes authority. Calling fouls consistently prevents matches from spiraling out of control. Clear communication fills information vacuums that might otherwise be filled with complaints. Proper movement demonstrates effort and improves positioning for making accurate calls.
Whether you're a new referee seeking guidance, an experienced official looking to mentor others, or someone considering this rewarding path, remember that refereeing isn't just about applying rules—it's about managing people, creating positive environments, and finding purpose through service to the game we love.
Hello and welcome to the Refs Need Love 2 podcast, a show that gives you a real raw and behind-the-scenes view of one of the hardest jobs on the pitch the referee. I'm your host, david Gerson, a grassroots referee and certified mentor with over 10 years of experience and over 1,300 matches under my belt, and you can find me at refsneedlovetocom on Instagram, tiktok, a little bit at YouTube and a new place that we're about to talk about. This week. We're going to be talking about new jobs and new referees. Most importantly, I've got a new job. That is really big news for me and it's something I've been working to for four years. I think.
Speaker 1:I started the Need Love 2 channel in October of 2021 completely as a joke, as many of you guys know, and I had no idea that was going to take off and do this, but I'm so glad that it has because it's given my life purpose and passion and powered me through many challenging things in my life, both personally and professionally. At the time, I started this channel and it was soul-sucking. It was a big 50,000 person conglomerate, and not that I have anything against big companies. I've worked for big companies a large portion of my career and I'm grateful for everything they've done for me and my family. But I will tell you, these days, working for private equity owned big corporate behemoths, that can be soul-sucking and really does bring you down. And the Refs Need Love 2 channel just picked me up. Every single day it gave me purpose to cover something new in the laws of the game, to help people out, to build community, to help change the culture surrounding these sports. I've had so many people message me about what my channel has done for them. As a player, as a coach, as a parent, as a referee. It's been so rewarding. I'm a big believer that what you give out, you get back. When you help someone, it helps you emotionally. It's good karma, it's good juju. You know, whatever you want to call it, man, it goes around, comes around. It is a good thing. So all the work I did helping people and helping our community understand the game that we all love really did help me and power me through some very difficult times. Another thing that happened through this Ref Sneed Love is that I learned how to run a business and I became much more entrepreneurial.
Speaker 1:I've started all sorts of offshoots from Ref Sneed Love. I've got the podcast that you're listening to right now. But I've got a retail business. I do speaking engagements, I make products like I work with different manufacturers all around the world. I've started doing custom products and we'll talk about that, you know, in a little bit. But my gosh, I help consult other people. I've helped other people build websites, help other people build podcasts.
Speaker 1:I do so many different things now that when the corporate world you're kind of confined into a little space and if you step outside of that box, people get angry. And when you're an entrepreneur, it's like oh, I'm passionate about this, I'm good at this, let's do it. My last job with Hip Hughes, this really cool little events company that I love so dearly. I manifested that job the day I figured out that I was going to be running out of time my last corporate job I literally called the owner of the company. I was like yo, sandra, I love your company, I want to come work for you, here's what I can do. And we created a job together. It was amazing.
Speaker 1:One thing that I've been doing in my refs need love to capacity, as I've been doing speaking engagements. So I speak different referee associations almost every single week. People hire me to speak to their refs. People hire me to come speak to their coaches, speak to their parents, and I do a lot of this via distance. I don't fly every place. For these things it's actually really convenient for me to just pull up a webinar. I'm a lot of fun on a webinar. I make it interesting, I make it cool, I'm concise, to the point, very visual, and people hire me.
Speaker 1:Socal Soccer League, the largest soccer league in the United States with over 4,400 teams and over 40,000 players in Southern California, had me do a presentation to their coaches actually believe it or not about referee abuse and why it happens and how might they change how they talk to referees and all the impacts of that and the good it can do. It was wonderful, and so then I started working with the executive director of that organization and she wanted to engage me for a much more involved, much more in-depth development of a learning management system for their referees to help develop them, train them, potentially pay them more, get them mentoring and further development. And I was like you know I love that. I really do, and I'd love to do this for you, but it's more than the hours I have available. Like a webinar takes me maybe an hour to prepare, an hour to deliver and I'm done. This is we're talking 20, 30 hours a week. I just do not have that. Beyond my current full-time job and all of my other responsibilities, there's just no way in the world that I'm going to be able to do this, too, with any level of the professionalism that I would want it to be. And you know, when I said that to her, she's like oh, we can do that. And I was like, excuse me. And she's like yeah, we're big fans of yours, you want to come on board full-time. And I'm like, well, good luck hiring me.
Speaker 1:They wound up putting together a great offer and it was like a no-brainer for me. I was like wait, a second, hold on. I'm going to actually be able to do full-time what I've been doing every single night for the last four years, from 7 to 10 or 11 pm every night. I can actually now do that as my day job. You're telling me I can actually have impact on the executive board, the executive directors of a league, and actually work directly with the players and coaches and referees. You're going to give me the resources to create a whole new learning management system and give me the lighting and microphone and videos equipment that I need to really create great content. Oh yeah, I was like, can I call my wife at least? Like she gave me the offer. I was like I just need to call my wife, I'm okay, like it's happening, but I just need to check with my wife. Are you kidding me? Like, how has this happened? What world am I living in? I literally have goosebumps all of my body to tell you that everything you know is happening and coming together for me. I'm not going to tell you that I'm going to be outrageously successful and we're not going to change the situation for referees all across SoCal Soccer League. Tomorrow it's starting. Socal Soccer League has extended the referee abuse policy to cover spectators beyond coaches, team officials and the players. That's a huge step forward. We've already put out newsletters. We've already put out newsletters. We've already put out videos. We're going to really start working on our referee programming and development tools and learning management system.
Speaker 1:I've got my first webinar coming up. Next week I'm going to do a webinar for referees. I'm going to do a webinar for parents. That's right. I want to engage parents. I want parents to understand the impacts they have on the pitch the players and the referees and the coaches. I want coaches to understand the impact they have when they have negative behaviors out there and I also want to empathize and say, hey, listen, I know referees aren't perfect and there's a wide range of skills and abilities out there. That's to be expected out there. Let me tell you, you kids aren't perfect too.
Speaker 1:The role that I have is called Director of Referee Programming and Development. The job descriptions for the most part are the curriculum and education development designing curriculum in line with the US soccer refereeing way. I want to make sure that I'm in step with US soccer, but I'm really going to focus on referees at all levels. I find that US soccer content is, when you do the certification, a lot of it is just covering your ass a CYA Again, the safe sport, the concussion protocol, lightning, all that kind of thing, and then they do a little bit of laws of the game, but it really doesn't prepare a referee for being on the field. We're going to talk about that today. At the next level, they spend a lot of their time trying to develop regional referees. Get more regional candidates who could be national candidates.
Speaker 1:Recruitment and retention I want to be out recruiting new referees. Outreaches to schools, colleges, you name it, the existing player pool. I want to partner with a local assigner and create recruitment pathways okay, and onboarding experiences, mentorship and development so important Mentorship, finding those people who can be at the field and provide that local support. Again, safe sport, certified right. Do a background check, all that kind of stuff. Make sure we don't have any weird people following around our young teenagers and stuff like that. But you know, it's so critical to do that shadowing, to do that coaching, to do that training, providing that local cover at the fields, to be able to talk with those coaches and parents who may be getting a little hot. Really important, big, big stuff. And then just constant, continuous improvement, constantly trying to take things to the next level.
Speaker 1:I would love to hear from you If you've got suggestions on how we should be doing our first time referee courses differently. If you have content and curriculum could share with me, be forever grateful. I'll send you some free swag back. Just send it to me at refsneedlovetoo at gmailcom. I am forever in your debt. Now just talking about sponsors, umpiro I talk about it all the time. I talk with Lilo every couple of days about Umpiro and what he's trying to do with that brand. We need to be supporting this guy. It's not just him, it's other creators who are passionate about creating products for our community. This is a message I got on Instagram this week. This is a college-age person who referees as their main source of income outside of going to school. He writes I got the Ampiro Pros last week using your code, of course, and for someone whose main job outside of college is running and reffing, I really love them.
Speaker 1:I am yet to slip on any surface so far and they feel like the perfect mix between running shoes and cleats. Thank you for showing them off and for reviewing them. Okay, I mean, come on, guys. Like that is like straight text. I get texts like that every week from people who are like I didn't know and I went out and got them and they're light and flexible. They work on any surface. People can cut and move with confidence. I think they look great.
Speaker 1:They've recently added wide sizes because I have a wide foot. Generally, for me, I always have to go one size up, so I normally wear like a 9.5 4E because I have such ridiculous duck feet. In Umpiro Pros, I got the 10.5 wide and it fits perfectly. I love them. They're fantastic. When you use my code, refs need love too. It takes it down 10% and I believe it's 106 bucks it's ridiculous for new running shoes. And again you're slipping and sliding all over the place. I'm telling you, trust me on this, the Umpiro pros. Don't get the first generation, get the second generation, third generations coming soon but get the Umpiro pros, the All Blacks. You will love them. Trust me on this one. I would not steer you wrong.
Speaker 1:Also, one more thing Do you know that you can hire me to speak to your referee association? Yes, even though I work for SoCal, I still am doing the Refs Need Love 2 consulting thing on the side. I speak to referee organizations. I speak to the parents at clubs. I speak to coaches at clubs organizations. I speak to the parents at clubs. I speak to coaches at clubs. All those things I did Palm Beach County, I think, two weeks ago. I'm doing Seattle this Sunday night. It's a lot of fun, cover a range of topics. I'm doing the 10 traits of successful grassroots referees. I also do the let them theory, which helps them differentiate between emotional outburst, dissent and off in a bus, offensive, insulting, abusive language and how to deal with it. Let me know. Definitely, reach out to me.
Speaker 1:One more thing I now design and help manufacture custom coins, cards and badges. I just did it for the Shenandoah Referee Association in Virginia. Yeah, a little sneak for you guys up in Virginia who are in that association, but I've shipped off those badges and cards, the coins that should be here any day. But I do the design, I help people create the design and then I get them manufactured and I've got bulk discount pricing. I sell it on my website. So I do it for other people now. Absolutely killer. Let me know. Just email me at refsneedlove2.com at Gmail. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Email me at refsneedlove2 at gmailcom for details.
Speaker 1:Okay, now we're going to jump in and talk about something key in my new job. What do we need to do to train our referees beyond the first-time referee course from US soccer, because we know it is lacking? Honestly, I feel so bad every time I have to do our first-time referee course here in Georgia. So there's an online portion. You get certified and then there's the portion that you do face-to-face. Once you've done the online portion, it's a four-hour class. In that four-hour class you have two 15-minute breaks. You've got to do everything from field inspections, placing the goals uniform, contacting an assigner, all the flag mechanics.
Speaker 1:There's a lot of flag mechanics, and it's not just telling people, it's actually having them doing it correctly, understanding offside what to do on corner kicks, what if the ball goes in and out of bounds? If there's a foul, how do you signal that foul? Things of that nature. There's the referee mechanics. There's positioning. We don't even get into foul recognition. Forget about that. What's a trip? What's a pull? What's a push? We don't get into game management, how to speak with coaches or players. We don't do any of that stuff at all. It is so painful because I believe that the majority of what we need to do with people is beyond all of those basic mechanics. Honestly, it's almost just like a cover our ass type of thing to do. Oh well, we showed them what a mechanic was and we told them how to show up at a game, but that's not what it takes to be successful on the pitch.
Speaker 1:Right, we should spend time talking about the people they will be working with. That's really important. Like I know, we know that the majority of the matches that these guys are going to be working are like eight to 12 year old kids. So I think we should take some time to kind of talk about what's it like working with eight to 12 year old kids. What's it like dealing with parents, or what do you think the parents are going to act like when their eight to 12 year old kid gets knocked over, or something of that nature.
Speaker 1:We should be talking about the extreme range of skill levels and abilities that eight to 12 year old kids have. What about the sizes? There are going to be some kids who are 50 pounds, some kids who are a hundred pounds. Right, there are going to be some kids who practice in the backyard with their older siblings and they're used to getting pushed around and pushing back to survive. And there are some kids who have never kicked a soccer ball before. Will they be emotional? How might you talk with a young kid? Do you need to be demonstrative and yell at them and humiliate them in front of everyone? Do you think their parents would like that? Do you think the kid would like that? How much experience do you think the coaches are going to have? And the majority of the coaches for eight to 10 year old soccer unless you're at a high level academy are going to be parents. They might be volunteers. They're not getting paid for this. If they are getting paid peanuts or something like that, those are things you need to prepare these people for to be able to do some role play and discussion to how to manage the match.
Speaker 1:We have just an overemphasis on referee mechanics and really confuse them as it relates to offside, and they have no realistic management skills or an understanding of what to expect are common scenarios to be able to be successful on the pitch. I think US Soccer is just focusing on the wrong people, the top 1%. I don't understand. Those people will get feedback almost every single match. They are working on crews with other phenomenal referees who are giving them informal feedback. They're getting assessments from top-level referee coaches and referee mentors. There is zero in the way of training focused on grassroots. I've been to numerous advanced referee trainings for people looking to move to regional. There's nothing for the 99% of referees who are living every day in the reality of grassroots soccer. This has got to change or we're going to just continue hemorrhaging referees and stunting growth and development. We've got to focus on that 99% of referees who are on the field day in, day out, three, four matches a day in very challenging situations and conditions and very different types of plays than what you see from FIFA Red Beautiful, perfect pitches and these unbelievably athletic athletes. It's just a very different world from a U8 or U10 match on a small thick grass field and a lot of people bunched up around the ball.
Speaker 1:We've got to start preparing our new refs to deal with what they're going to deal with. So, as I was thinking about this podcast today driving home from a speaking engagement in Birmingham, actually I was like I bet I've done a podcast before about, you know, the things I would advise to new referees, because I get asked this all the time. And then I went back through my podcast when I got home and I was like, oh my gosh, I've never talked about this. I've never done a podcast focused on new refs. So now I'm going to do helpful hints for new referees and these are things that I'm going to develop content on for SoCal soccer. I know you're probably like, well, this is common sense, yeah, but common sense isn't common and if this is your first job, you don't know. These are things that I think are really important that we need to be going through and talking about for refs.
Speaker 1:First and foremost, show up on time and look like a professional. That is about 40% of the job right there. If you are a referee and you've got a proper uniform the shirt is tucked in, your socks are pulled up, you've got black shoes, a proper jersey on and you're wearing something black underneath, you are going to look the part and it makes a big first impression. Okay, it's the first time someone sees you. In less than a second, they are going to make a judgment about you. Do you have numerous earrings? Are you wearing big gold chains outside of your jersey? Are you wearing a hat with a club logo? All of those things make an impact and people form an opinion about you.
Speaker 1:So, as you're walking up to the pitch, are you dressed in your all blacks? A black athletic t-shirt, black shorts, black socks, black shoes? We don't have changing rooms here in America. It's grassroots. I'm not talking about professional, where there might be a locker room and you're showing up to the pitch in regular clothes and getting changed. I'm talking about grassroots, where you walk directly to the pitch with all your stuff.
Speaker 1:Do you look like a pro when you're walking up to the pitch the first time the players and the coaches see you. Do they like oh, this person's a professional. That is first thing. We've got to make sure that our referees understand how critical that first impression is. The second impression is going to be when you do your check-in. Do you have confidence when you introduce yourself to the coaches and players? I can't tell you how many times I've worked with referees who are decent referees, who will walk up for check-in, have their face buried into the game sheets, right, because they're going to go through the check-in and read people's names and they're like a mouse Blah, blah, blah. Okay, so I'm like are you kidding me? Hey guys, I'm David. I'm your referee today.
Speaker 1:I am a very vocal referee. You'll hear me out there. If I make a call, I'll make clear mechanics. You'll hear my whistle. If I feel like I need to explain something, I'll explain it to the player. If the captain has a question, I'll try and explain it If I can. I can't explain every single call. If you generally have a question, genuinely ask me at a next stop at your play and I'll try and give you an explanation. We are certainly not going to argue about it. You're going to play to the whistle and respect the call that I make. Does that sound fair?
Speaker 1:Great, now, everyone, make sure you don't have any jewelry on no bracelets, no earrings, no necklaces, no belly rings Any of those things have got to come out before you step onto the pitch. Got to have your shin guards? Great, I'm going to call out your name. You call out your number. Boom, I'm smiling, I'm having fun, I'm engaging. It's not a 10 minute speech, you know it's like 60 seconds, but I'm establishing that I'm the referee, that I'm confident I'm going to make calls. You need to respect it. If you do have a question, I do it with a smile on my face. I'm making eye contact, I'm showing confidence. It makes such a massive difference. They are sizing you up.
Speaker 1:If you walk up there meek and quiet and without any command or presence, it is going to be a hard day for you. They're not going to respect your calls as much as they would if you had made a great first impression. So please take that check in, that second opportunity to make a first impression and take it seriously. Have presence, have fun, smile, engage, set basic ground rules and move on. We're not talking about professionals smile, engage, set basic ground rules and move on. We're not talking about professionals. We're talking about grassroots. We're talking about the matches I do.
Speaker 1:13, 14, 15, 16-year-old kids, that's who I'm talking about, those eight to 10-year-olds even more important. Okay, that you kind of establish again that you're the referee and you get the jewelry out and you talk about hey, if you have a question, let me know. So important, we're talking about kids. Do it with kids, please, okay. The second thing. The second thing Call fouls, please call fouls.
Speaker 1:I beg you to call fouls. I talk about this all the time. Never Do I ever get feedback walking off the pitch. You called too many fouls, not something anyone ever says, but have I heard people say to referees that the game got out of control? Parents crying in the sideline my gosh, protect the children. All that kind of stuff, because a referee is not calling fouls.
Speaker 1:So many times Is soccer a physical game? Absolutely, at every level there's a different level of physicality. A great referee can sense that and feel that for the appropriate, again, level of play, the age, the physicality of the players, you can live within that balance. But so many times I have been an assistant referee and in the pregame the referee is like, yeah, I'm just going to let him play, see what happens. If it starts getting out of hand, then I'll start getting involved. Are you kidding me? No, no, once the game gets out of hand, it is gone.
Speaker 1:People's emotions are overblown, like they're hot, they're angry, they're aggressive. The parents are upset, the coaches are upset, the players are upset. You have no credibility anymore and now that you finally blow the whistle, it's showing everyone you're only blowing the whistle because people are yelling at you. Don't fall into that trap. Okay, look for that first foul of the game. Obviously it's a little touch. You're not calling things like that.
Speaker 1:But when you have a foul, be there and call it, establish what is acceptable and what is not, and then be consistent throughout the match. Yes, there are times when we want people to play through contact, but even then I'll say I see it. Or even after they kind of get loose, if they came in, I saw that pull, okay. Or I saw that trip, you kept possession. I'll communicate Like I've seen it.
Speaker 1:I'm there, I'm on it, but I'm calling fouls and what's going to happen is the parents are going to be able to sit back and enjoy the match. Are they going to moan and groan when I call a foul against their team Absolutely, because they're passionate and they care about their player. If I call a foul against their team and it gives the other team an attacking free kick or a penalty kick, will they be upset? Yes, they will, but it's usually just going to be an isolated emotional outburst, because they also have faith and confidence that, as the referee, I'm calling fouls both ways If I see it, I'm calling it. They don't have to advocate for their kid because they have confidence that I'm calling fouls. It's the same thing with the coach. I've had Coach Shea to me. Again, I love having you as my referee because I can focus on coaching. I know you're going to be refereeing the match, so please call fouls.
Speaker 1:Yes, people are going to be upset when you call a foul against their team. It's not a judgment of you and your capabilities as a ref. At the end of most games, half the people are going to be upset and frustrated because they lost. Half the people are going to be indifferent to you. It's not about you. It's about their emotions, not you. You can be the best referee in the world and at the end of the match people will still not like you. It's okay. That's life In business.
Speaker 1:You could have the greatest idea in the world you could communicate to someone, but they still might not like it. They could poo-poo all over it because they just don't see it the way you do, might not like it. They could poo-poo all over it because they just don't see it the way you do. It's okay. It doesn't mean it's a bad idea. Maybe you communicated it differently and they didn't understand what you were trying to communicate. Maybe they just, honestly, were having a bad day and they were in a bad mood so they did not get enthusiastic about your idea.
Speaker 1:As a referee, you're going to make calls and people may or may not agree with the decision. You just have to do the best you can do and then move forward and look for the next call, even wondering if you made the right call. Okay, after you've made a call, okay, that's okay. You know, sometimes we're just doing the best we can and taking our best educated guess on what we think we've seen and we've heard. Okay, you just have to do that and then move forward, focus on the next call and do the best job. You can Ask your fellow assistant referees what they saw at halftime and after the game and be open and say hey, you remember that play. I called this. What did you think about that? What would you have called on that play? Do you think that was the right call? Do you think it should have been a card? Do you think it was no foul? Give me feedback.
Speaker 1:It's always great to reflect and learn. That's how you get better. It's how you go from good to great is. You look back, you learn, you move forward and you take feedback from people. You reflect, you learn, you grow, you move forward. It's a growth mindset.
Speaker 1:On that, don't worry about making mistakes Everyone making mistakes. If you're just starting out and you're doing under eights and under 10 soccer, the kids are making over a hundred mistakes in a match. They're missing passes, they're missing shots, they're mistiming challenges Okay. Constantly they're going to turn the ball over, literally like every two or three touches. The important thing is they're trying new things. They're trying to make those passes Okay, they're trying to take those shots. They're trying to make those passes. They're trying to take those shots. They're trying to make those defensive stops. They're going to get better and better over time because they're trying to do new things.
Speaker 1:The same thing is true for you as a referee, you're going to try and figure out what is the right amount of physicality for each match and what constitutes a foul. It can be challenging Absolutely. Someone touching someone else is not necessarily a foul, but if someone pushes someone over, that's a foul. The challenge is in between those two things, where someone just barely touches someone and someone clearly shoves someone over. Where is a foul and what needs to be called in each match Is a little bit of a shove, something that needs to be called.
Speaker 1:And I'm telling you, it's not easy to determine when you're first starting out, especially at younger age groups, where play is very much bunched together and oftentimes kids are a little bit clumsy. We don't call fouls just because someone falls over, because they may be tripping over their own feet or tripping over the ball. So it's going to take some time and some repetitions for you to see those things and then eventually you'll figure out. Oh, I've seen that before. Yes, that should be a foul, that's just normal. You know, contact two players coming together side to side, challenging for ball, all good, okay, my advice is going to be err on the side of calling too many fouls as opposed to not enough. That is important. I really do want you to get comfortable blowing the whistle and calling fouls and then really trying to figure out where that balance is over time. But when you do call fouls, something amazing is going to happen. The game is going to start getting much more expansive and open. You're going to see more passing, you're going to see more movement. You're going to see a much more enjoyable match to watch. I promise you, the soccer becomes beautiful when you have a well refereed game, when you have a referee engaged at the match and calling those pushes, holds and trips and you don't have retaliatory frustration, fouls. It is much more enjoyable for you to referee, for the coaches to coach, for the players to play and the spectators to watch. I promise you you're doing everyone a favor.
Speaker 1:Now, once you call a foul, communication. I think it's really key. I've known a number of really good referees who just they'll blow whistle and then I'm like wait, did they call a foul? Which direction is it going? What did they call? And then the coach is looking at me, on the assistant, and is like what did they call there? Which way is it going? And the player's like what's going on? It's so painful. Listen, when you call a foul. Your communication needs to be clear, very clear. Doesn't matter if it's throw in, stop being game for substitutions. Okay, if it's a foul, communicate clearly with your mechanics and your voice. Okay. A firm whistle's important, okay, definitely, no doubt. But don't forget direction which way is the foul going and your voice. If it's a throw in, unless it's outrageously clear, they already have the ball in their hands. I'll be like red or blue. I'll make sure I'm saying it so everyone knows whose throw in it is, especially at younger age groups corner kick, goal, kick things like that.
Speaker 1:Again, people don't have to turn around and look at you. You can keep the game flowing. Use your voice. And if I call a foul, I'm going to say to a player if they use their shoulder and they go through someone's back, I literally say yep, yeah, because they'll turn and look at you like I use my shoulder, like yeah, you use your shoulder, but you put your shoulder through their back. Next time, try and come in side to side. Be, be a little more careful.
Speaker 1:I say it in a voice I'm lucky I have a loud voice but I say it to the coach, team captain, other players and the spectators here. I'm not explaining my call to the spectators. But because I'm using a loud, clear voice, everyone hears. There's no vacuum of information. They understand the decision you've made. It's wonderful Now if I don't call a foul, like if a ball hits someone's hand, I will say arm in tight arm, in natural position, came off the leg first, no handball offense.
Speaker 1:I say it loud, okay, so that everyone understands why I'm not calling that handball offense. I'm telling you this is important. You're like and you may be thinking, oh, you don't need to do that, I don't need to do it, but I do it because it improves my game management and credibility on the pitch as a referee. That's why I do it. It's not in the laws of the game. I just get so upset about this because the laws of the game don't cover like 95% of what you need to do to be successful as a referee. It's not in the laws of the game. Maybe it's not right If I was going to be a professional referee or a national referee. I'm not.
Speaker 1:I'm a grassroots ref and to be successful at grassroots and high school, you need to communicate. That's what they want from you. They don't have commentators. I have a lot of issues with commentators explaining what's going on in the pitch. They're not professionals who have played 10,000 matches. It is grassroots. You need to meet them where they are, listen.
Speaker 1:Next thing let's say you're doing all those things right and you're communicating with your mechanics and your voice and you have a coach or parent critiquing the calls you're making or being overly vocal on the sidelines. It's not okay. You do not have to deal with that. There's one, one referee on the day and that is it. You are the person with the whistle. Everyone else needs to respect the calls of the referee and promote a positive environment. Spectators their job is to support the players on the pitch and I would ask support all players on the pitch and create a supportive environment for them. We're talking about a youth sporting event. Everyone should be supporting the players, being positive, certainly not being negative. You can't cheer for the other team when they do something amazing. At least don't be negative and nasty.
Speaker 1:If you have people whether it's a coach or spectators who are being overly vocal, questioning calls and making comments about every single calls and it's starting to affect the match, it's affecting you and the players, and now the players are starting to do the same things and question calls and credibility. You've got to deal with it. Stop what you're doing and walk over to the coach and ask the coach to address it. If the parents are engaged in public, persistent dissent, please ask them to stop. If they don't stop, I will have to ask you to ask them to leave. If they don't stop, I will have to ask you to ask them to leave. If the coach is like you didn't do this, you didn't call.
Speaker 1:It's not an argument. The parents are engaged in public and persistent dissent. Please ask them to stop so we can continue the match. That's it. Walk back to the pitch and they should be having a conversation with their parents. Ask them to stop. If they don't coach showing a yellow card, I'm giving you a warning. Please go, ask your parents to stop the public and persistent dissent. That's it. If it's the coach coach, you're engaged in public dissent. I'm now giving you a warning. Please cut it out Again. It's not an argument about decisions. You've let them have their outbursts, they've done it too many times and now it is time to give them a warning.
Speaker 1:It's critical that you do it and I know it's going to be scary the first time you do it, but I promise you. Once you do it, you're going to feel empowered, the whining and complaining is going to go away and you can focus on doing your job. It's not a debate. It's not a time to question calls you've made. They need to respect the call. It's really important Now. Next thing movement and level and effort. It's really important as a ref.
Speaker 1:If you just stand there in the middle of the pitch in the center circle and just lollygag around like you don't care you might care, but it looks like you don't care You're showing everyone you don't care if you don't move around the pitch. It's communication, your body language, your presence. If you're not close to the play or in proximity of the play and you're not working like the kids out there, you don't have to be sprinting on every single play. But if you're not working like the kids out there, you don't have to be sprinting on every single play. But if you're not moving around to try and make an effort to come close to being in a good position to make a call and communicate, it's going to be a significant problem.
Speaker 1:When you're first starting out, it's going to feel really awkward. You're constantly gonna be in the way of the ball. You'll be hit by the ball a number of times because you're trying to get in the right position. Let's see the play. But you haven't really figured out how to move on the pitch yet, to move on that diagonal. I know these days we don't teach the diagonal, but just for illustrative purposes, trying to move from one side of the pitch to the other, going from corner to corner, where you can still see your assistant referees in front of you, it's going to take some time for you to be able to anticipate where the play is going to go and figure out where you need to move to be able to keep up with play, to not be in the path of the ball.
Speaker 1:Just take my advice in this one Don't stand in the center circle. Don't stand on the top of the penalty arc. Play is always going to come through the center of the field or come across the penalty area. Try and avoid that as much as you possibly can and little by little over time you'll start feeling more comfortable as to where you need to be on the pitch. As long as you can kind of see your assistant referees, you're keeping your shoulders and your shoulder orientation to them. From wherever you are on the pitch. You're keeping the play between yourself and your assistant referee and you're moving to keep up with play. You should start moving more freely and being in a good position to see the play.
Speaker 1:It's challenging On small side of pitches 7v7, 9v9, it can be really cramped out there, especially considering they keep booting the ball back and forth. It can be difficult, but try and work hard out there. Try and get in a good position to see the call. Try and be in the right place to have visibility and proximity should you need to make a call, and then you will have the ability to have credibility when you do make the call. Okay, last thing on this one, soccer can be challenging.
Speaker 1:The laws of the game are vague and they don't cover all possible scenarios. You're going to see things you've never seen before. Something's going to happen and be like wait. Was that a deliberate pass back by foot to the goalkeeper? I don't know it's like. Did it come off their knees? Did it come off their foot? I mean, it's going to take time to recognize when things are happening and what to look for. Their foot came off the ground an inch on a throw in. Do I need to call that? Their foot's like two feet off the ground. Do I need to call that? Yeah, you're just going to figure out what calls you need to make, what things are trifling, all those types of things. It's going to take time. Everything takes time. Every new skill takes time, even if you've been a player and played at a high level in college, or you were a young teenager and played academy. It's different when you've got the whistle in your hand and a hundred people around the pitch and you've got to make the calls yourself. Okay, you're going to question yourself. You're going to make mistakes. It's going to be trial and error Okay, it's experience and failure. But if you have a growth mindset and you're committed to learning and growing and moving forward, you will be successful, not only on the pitch but in life. Those are just some of the things that I've been thinking about developing content for new referees.
Speaker 1:We're gonna wrap things up now with a couple letters from the mailbag. This one is from Chris. He writes I'm new to refereeing. The only reason I started is because my 15-year-old daughter wanted to do it and asked me to do it with her. I started a year ago and was out from February until today, coming back for my first two games. It is my first time refereeing U15 and U16 games. I was the referee for the U15 game and the AR2 for the U16 game. My 15-year-old daughter was AR1. For both games I had a parent that claimed to be a fellow referee and made a few comments to me during my first game and he stuck around for second game and actually made it a point to come over to the center line to make more snarky comments about me when I was the AR2. Between games I tried to have a mature exchange of words with him and explain that I'm a new referee and I'm trying to be a good role model for my daughter.
Speaker 1:I guess I'm asking you if it's common for more experienced referees to go out of their way to dog on newer referees? This is the third time I've experienced this. Oh my gosh, guys, if you're listening to this podcast and you're one of these people who goes and critiques a new referee when you're not there as a certified mentor, okay, and you're not a fellow referee on the crew and you're giving critique and feedback and dogging on a new referee when you're not there as a certified mentor, okay, and you're not a fellow referee on the crew and you're giving critique and feedback and dogging on a new referee. I don't like it. We can't be friends. Honestly, our relationship is over. I kind of hate you a little bit. Shame on you and shame on any referee who does this. Completely unacceptable.
Speaker 1:Even if you see something and you know someone is making a mistake or their mechanics aren't perfect or you know, maybe they got caught out of position, it is not your place to give feedback on that day. You are a spectator. Your job is to sit there and promote a positive environment for the kids and spectate Additionally. Every time someone has said, oh, I'm a referee too, it's like, yeah, they're not. Maybe they've done some volunteering back in the day. They certainly have not been trained to be a mentor or an assessor or anything like that. All you do when you are a spectator and you're not on the crew and you're not a mentor is say thank you, that is it. I appreciate you being out here, thank you for your time. That is all you need and all you're allowed to do. If you see someone else doing this, please step in and be like hey, no, no, no, not your job. Don't talk to the referees. Let them go, please. That's what we do. That's how we protect our refs. Give them a safe space to learn, grow and develop, whether they are kids, teenagers or adults. Let's protect our new referees, all right.
Speaker 1:Next thing letter from Chaz Love. This Chaz has been a longtime listener and supporter of this podcast. I love it, but I got this email from him the other day and this just made me just literally smile. From ear to ear he writes I live in South Carolina and I recently had to travel to Michigan for work. Motivated by your recent New York trip, I reached out to referees on a forum about potential refereeing opportunities. I was pointed to an assigner and a tournament. After some paperwork to get registered with Michigan State, I was told to pack my refs up and I ended up being assigned seven games in Holland, Michigan, for one day of the tournament. When I arrived, I met two members of my referee team, jerry and Dennis. Both were older gentlemen 69 and 75. These dudes powered through all seven games like champs. Working with them throughout the day made me smile and think man, I hope I'm able to do this like them when I'm as young as them. Dennis said he only planned to referee until he was 70, but now that he's almost 70, he told me I think I'll make it to 75. I really hope he does.
Speaker 1:After our last game, the three of us went out for dinner together and just chatted about whatever came up refereeing, hockey, football and even taxes. The worst part of the day was having it end. I wanted to thank the Michigan referee leadership for allowing me the opportunity to come referee with them and I wanted to give a special thanks to my two new referee buddies in Michigan. I invited them to Charleston, south Carolina, and told them to look me up if they did, whether for refereeing or just to get together again. I want to encourage referees out there to reach out and try refereeing out of your region if you can, especially if you travel for work. We know we all have at least one thing in common and remember quote there aren't strangers out there, only friends you haven't met yet. Unquote Thanks and keep doing what you do for referees.
Speaker 1:My entire referee experience was inspired by you, chaz. Oh my God, like seriously. I love this stuff. I like messages like this. I mean this is it right? I feel like I am living my best possible life If I am able to have a positive impact on people and encourage them to have these wonderful experiences, doing what I consider to be this wonderful thing for this beautiful game that I love, I am successful in life. It is not money, it's not status. Can you inspire other people? Can you bring joy to the world? Can you make long-lasting friendships and positive impressions upon the people that you meet? Can you make this lasting friendships and positive impressions upon the people that you meet? Can you make this world a better place? That is what it is all about. Chaz, thank you for doing what you did. Thank you for sharing your story. Thank you for your support. I love you.
Speaker 1:All right, guys, I hope you enjoyed today's podcast. Please send me your thoughts or content that you may have on training new referees, any structure or content I should cover in the new learning management system I'm developing for SoCal Soccer League topics for webinars, for coaches, for referees. Anything you think is gonna be helpful. I'd really appreciate it. As the biggest soccer league in the country, it has the potential to change the entire country as it relates to referee protections in the country. It has the potential to change the entire country as it relates to referee protections, development, training programs, you name it. And also, hey, reminder refs need love too.
Speaker 1:Store Support the channel please. I've marked my premium flags down to $39. They are the weighted rubber handle flags that feel great in your hand. Honestly, I like them better than the BNDs. They feel more sturdy, better put together and without the overly heavy weight and sticky grip that normally the B&Ds come with, which is kind of a little bit annoying. Definitely check them out in the store. It will not stay at this price for long. I just did it for the beginning of the season. I love you all and I hope that your next match is red card free you.