Integrity Over Ego: Why I Took a Goal Off the Board

A playoff match can feel perfect for 50 minutes and then unravel in 10 seconds. That’s what happened to me in Georgia, and I’m not proud of it. I’m sharing the full, raw story of a high school postseason game where I made a procedural mistake on a restart, saw the consequences hit the scoreboard, and then had to make the hardest choice a referee can make in public: admit it and fix it.

We talk through the whole arc, from pregame prep and crew dynamics to why comms can help when things get fast. I break down a clear DOGSO handball moment on a corner kick that leads to a penalty and a red card, then the decision that changed everything: allowing a quick free kick when the ball was still moving. When that restart turns into a goal, the match explodes. I consult the crew, swallow my ego, disallow the goal, and deal with the reality that doing the “right” procedural thing can still look terrible to players, coaches, and fans.

If you care about soccer officiating, NFHS rules, playoff game management, referee mindset, and getting back up after a rough night, this one is for you. Subscribe, share it with a referee friend, and leave a review with the toughest lesson you’ve learned on the field.

Transcript

Sponsors And Ref Gear Shoutouts

Playoff Setup And Crew Prep

Comms Trouble Before Kickoff

A Smooth First Half Standard

DOGSO Handball Red Card Call

A Fellow Ref Crosses The Line

The Rolling Ball Free Kick Error

Swallowing Ego And Reversing Goal

Second Flashpoint And Match Fallout

Lessons On Restarts And Resilience

Listener Stories And Closing Ask

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Hello and welcome to the Rust Need Love2 Podcast, a show that gets real raw and behind the scenes in one of the hardest jobs on earth. The referee. I am your host, David Gerson, and today is gonna be a real download. I had a game last night that I am not proud of. And I think it's so important on this podcast to be real, to be transparent, to be authentic, and talk about the good times, but also talk about the bad times. Because that which does not kill us makes us stronger. And it's a learning experience, it's a learning moment. Like, what did I do wrong that I could do differently next time that would yield a different result? And we're gonna talk about that today. I'm also gonna talk about the use of comms, because that was a little part of my pregame as well. That I I'll be better prepared tonight, because I've got another uh high school playoff match tonight. But I wanted to share it with that. You guys are not alone, that we all make mistakes, that we all have games we don't feel great about. And that's okay because we learn from them and it makes us a better referee as we go forward, and that's the fact. Just again, brief notes about sponsors Umpiro, UM, PI, RO. Please, please. I love these things. When I was out in California this weekend for the referee clinics, there were two other referees also wearing them right next to me. And again, everyone who uses these things loves them. If you had the first generation, trust me, the third generation is a thousand times better. The first time or first gen of any product is never the best. Third gen is fantastic. You're gonna receive me, you're like, oh my gosh, it's much nicer than I thought. They're wonderful. Go out, support them, they're great. Refer sports, if you're an assigner, if you are an assigner, please check these people out. It is best in class, R-E-F-R, Refer Sports. I literally just put a YouTube up on my YouTube channel so you can see kind of a demo and a walkthrough of what this platform is. It's amazing. What it can do and change your relationship with tournaments and leagues, is they send you random schedules and spreadsheets and even handwritten notes and use AI and to put them into the right format is just fantastic. And then the app for the referee is fan fantastic as well. And then lastly, the refs needlove to store online, just put some new coins up there, the girl power coins, which are phenomenal, could be a cool little gift for Mother's Day. I'm about to put a new t-shirt up on the site, too, that kind of uses that girl power logo. But as always, support Refs Need Love2 online, get yourself a quarter zip, get yourself like a performance t-shirt to go underneath your referee jersey. Everything that is purchased there helps make this the show possible. And again, justify the time commitment to my wife. Which after four and a half years, I really don't have to do that these days, but still, it is helpful, let me tell you. All right, guys, and now for the show. I had a high school playoff match last night. So it's the very beginning of playoffs. It's the first night of playoffs here in the state of Georgia, and I get the whistle. Which, listen, I honestly I'm not tooting my own horn. I'm blowing my own whistle here, but I'm about five or six years in to high school refereeing. I've got lots of experience, and I've become a really good high school ref. And when I say really good high school ref, like this age group is perfect for me. Those 17, 18-year-old girls and boys, like that is that's my jam. Like, I identify with these people, I communicate with these people, I can keep up with play. I know the rules of the game, right? It's rules, not laws here. I feel very comfortable out there. I know a lot of the coaches in the area, they know me, they trust me. It is a good thing. David Gerson, as a high school referee, you are in good hands. Seriously. So I felt great. I got my crew. I didn't know who my crew was. The fourth official I didn't know, he's actually my local commissioner here. He's been around forever. He's in his mid-70s, whatnot. He is a perfect fourth official for these matches. So all good there is great. The other two guys I didn't know, but everything worked out great with them. But I I would just say, again, this high school season, smooth as silk. I literally have been walking off the fields after pretty much every single one of my 26 varsity matches this year. And I'm like, everything feels good. I feel like I did a good job. I'm covering the field, I've got the right fitness. I know how to do my three-man crew. I know how to do the two-person dual crew. All good. So I get assigned the referee for a local high school, about 20, 25 minutes from my house, so relatively local to me. I guess another school I haven't ref before, but no biggie. And so I get there an hour and 15 minutes before. You're supposed to be there an hour before match time and our polo shirts that we have for our high school association. And no problem. There an hour and 15 in advance. We go to the officials changing room. That's right. We actually use a proper officials changing room for playoffs and get myself set up. We do our walk around the fields, no major issues with the fields and the line. And then we go back to the officials changing room for our pregame. Now, I brought a set of comms with me. Now, I've been very, very lucky this year to have a company called Spinso actually lend me a professional set of comms. It is outstanding. I can't say enough amazing things about the set of comms that they had given me to use. Like they always connect and they've got great voice clarity. It's got the ability to um filter out some whistle sounds. You're not blowing people's eardrums off. The headset fits perfectly into your ear. You don't even need to use any tape. So you don't look like a wounded warrior, like taping up your face to use the cheap comms that are out there. Again, that the sound quality when you're out on the field is fantastic. The range is fantastic. It even has a push to talk for the fourth official. So really, really impressive set of comms. Well, I didn't have that set with me last night. I had to give it back to the guys who had lent it to me for a while because they had some tournaments going on, and I haven't had time to do like videos for them, but I had my cheap EJAS, I think that's the name, EJAES brand of comms. It's like a motorcycle comms headset, and it does the job. And I've used it for some duels and even a three-person crew like the last week, they do the job. Connections are spotty. Sometimes they all connect, sometimes they don't connect. And that's what happened last night. So I set them all out and I had done my pregame while I was laying it out. And again, my pregame's about 10 minutes long, but really thorough for last night. But for a good five minutes after I finished my pregame, I'm sitting there trying to connect the comms and I just could not get them to connect. So no comms for this playoff match. So that it didn't throw me. Gosh, I've been roughing for 11 years. I don't need to have a set of comms to rough. I know how to rough them all good, but it's always nice to have those extra voices in your ear. And I could have used those extra voices last night. It would have been helpful on one particular play that I'm going to tell you about. So no biggie, but we finish our pregame. We changed into our uniforms, and it's about 6:40 p.m. walking out to the pitch for a 7 p.m. kickoff. We immediately go into our warm-up. And I had been out in California this weekend doing some referee clinics for SoCal Soccer League. So I had some new stretches I was doing, and it was great, really loosened up. The hip flexors that felt great. My groin and glute glutes, I felt really good about my warm-up. I felt really good about my my prematch runs. I felt like I had no pain. I felt loose. I felt good. I felt really good. And as we walked out for kickoff with my full crew there, my two assistant referees and my fourth official, I was like, man, I got this. Feel great. No problem. And you know what? The first half was great. Like, legit. First half, pretty much flawless. Honestly, if we had no cards, I called simple fouls early. Like, literally in the first minute of the game, foul, beep, right in the middle of the field, a little push in the back. And then balls going down the other way, defenders trying to shield the ball, getting pushed in the back, beep, call it back the other way. I mean, it was like perfect. In the first two minutes, I had a foul for each team, and I was communicating. I was making sure they knew what was going to be acceptable, what was not going to be acceptable because the first minute of a playoff game, it was very physical. And I had to just calm it down. Again, what's going to be acceptable on the pitch? Where's my bar going to be? Are we going to have a street fight out here or are we going to have a soccer game? And I vote for soccer game. Therefore, I'm calling fouls that are not fair. Again, I'm fine with physical, but it's got to be fair. Gotta be fair. And it just was not. Everything good. We did have one particular player on the visiting team who was their kind of all-star. I mean, essentially the game plan was they get it to this one kid who was playing kind of an attacking mid, defensive mid, who was really, really fast and good with the ball at his feet. And he gets it to another kid who's like their star striker, who was just like really, really quick and fast, like a lightning bolt. I mean, he was so much faster than everyone else. And so he had about three fouls on him in the first half. And so as we blow the whistle for halftime, really the only conversation I had with Mike, or the only thing that we all needed to connect on the crew is just talk about okay, player 11, he's been fouled, I think, three times. If he gets fouled again, what could be persistent offenses against that kid, whoever fouls him? And I'm going to make sure I communicate that to the other to the home team captains so that everyone knows why a card is coming out. So he did. So when we come out for the second half, all good. We get started, no issues, no crazy fouls. And then we've got a corner kick for the home team. And as that ball is kicked in, it goes to the back post, like straight to the back post. And it, I think it could have been an Olympico, if I'm not mistaken, but the defending kid at the back post jumps up. Now he's under pressure from another attacker, but he jumps up and he puts his arm straight up right inside the goal post, okay, above his head, like right next to his head, to knock the ball out of the goal, prevent a goal from going in. And I see it perfectly. I've got great position. I'm right just a little bit to the left of the arc, right on the edge of the penalty area, and I've got a great unobstructive view, and I see it, and I I blow the whistle for the penalty kick, and I come right up on the kid, and he looks up and he knows exactly what's happening, and I show him the red card for denial of obvious goal scoring opportunity by handball. It is a great call. Hey, that's what I'm saying. It is a great call. I see it, I know it. I've I've done enough videos of this stuff. I know exactly what the deal is. I know this is a big moment, but I've got it. Penalty kick and a red card for this kid. I did, after I showed him the card, I did go over to my AR one on that side of the field and just double check with him. Did you see what I what did you see there? He's like, Yeah, I saw put his hand up into the goal. Great, awesome, thank you. Okay, so all good. Now I should say at this point in the game, it's one. There was a goal scored each way in the first half. Again, both no questions about him, all good goals, no problem. So this penalty kick would have taken it to two to one. We're in the 59th minute. Okay. We spot the penalty kick, he takes the penalty kick, goalkeeper saves it. Okay. So we're at 1-1 still, 60th minute of an 80-minute high school match. Everything is going smoothly, no problems, all good, feel great, beautiful night, no problem. One thing I do want to mention real quick before I get to my big errors here. So on the coaching staff for the home team are two referees that I know. Now, I don't ref with these guys often, and one of them is a longtime high school coach in the area. He doesn't ref as much as he used to, but I know him. He's a really, really good guy. The other guy I've refed with before is a great referee in his own right. But again, we don't live near each other, so I don't ref with him very often. But early in the match, I'm sorry I'm going back here. I'm just kind of spitballing this one, guys. Like about five minutes into the match, I call a foul in favor of the home team. And this one of this guy, this referee, has the chutzpah to go, you got that one, but you know you missed that one over there. And I was like, I put my hand up, it was like, no more. And I like I gave him the very disappointed dad look, and he's like, Oh, I'm sorry. And it's like, listen, I can appreciate an emotional outburst when I make a call. Like, oh man, come on, it's in the moment. But that was a premeditated dig at my credibility from a fellow referee, pretty much said very, very loudly. I'm not gonna say he yelled it, but he definitely, in a very, very, very loud voice for everyone to hear, said that clearly in front of his bench. And I'm just like, what? Dude, you know better. Like, you know better. And when I was actually walking back from halftime, coming back to the field, and I saw him and he smiled and he's like, he's like, hey, sorry about that. I was like, and and I said to him, I was like, John, you know what you did there. That's not an emotional outburst. That's a form of dissent. I can't have everyone saying those things out there. I'll give you a little bit of grace, but you know better. And he's like, Yeah, yeah, I'm sorry about that. It's just like it just really just burn me up a little bit. I it's not a bad thing, but his tone of voice and the fact that he felt empowered to say that to me in front of everyone was just like, Man, don't do that, man. Don't do that. That's that's bad form. That's just a lesson for all of us referees out there. If you're if you're not the referee on the match and you're there as an observer, whether you're a coach or not, or a parent or not, just be quiet, be supportive. If you have a question, ask a question. But otherwise, don't be a dick. Okay, so we have the penalty kick. It's still one-one. And in about the 65th minute of the match, I call a foul in the middle of the field, about 60 yards from this team's goal that I call a foul in their favor. Kid gets pushed in the back, okay, and he he's trying to play quick. Turns around, rolls the ball forward to take this kick, and he rolls it out. Well the ball rolls like three feet or so, and right as it's about to stop, okay, it looks like it's coming to a stop, he kicks this ball. Now, 99 times out of a hundred, nothing comes with it. It's trivial. We're trying to keep the game flowing, it's a quick free kick, and I allow the kick to happen because it literally the ball is just about dead, honestly. And I'm thinking to myself, come on, we're trying, he's trying to play quick, let's go, no big deal. Well, this kid, instead of playing like a little square short pass with this ball that was just barely possibly rolling here, he plays a long direct ball up the field to one of his fellow attackers on the edge of the penalty area. A defender nods it down, and another kid, that's the way I remember it in my head, I haven't seen the video, another attacking teammate, kind of say first time the ball, but essentially kicks the ball immediately and it goes into the goal. And now the visiting team is up two to one. And I'm telling you, everyone in the stadium is screaming. I've got almost I probably seven out of the 11 kids on the home team, the away team, screaming. The ball is still rolling. Are you kidding? How can you allow that? And in my mind, I'm thinking to myself, gosh, dude, it's trivial. The ball might have been like just barely rolling, but it's really not a big deal. But this wound up being a big deal. This was a procedural thing. Again, 99 times out of 100, you let that go, and nothing comes of it. They just play it short, they play it square, they just get the game going again. It's no big deal. You see it every week in the Premier League. It's not going to be perfectly stationary on every single free kick, especially after a foul, whatever, not a big deal. But on this one, it was a big deal. And I recognized it was a big deal. And I also recognized that I probably made a really big error. So I was, I tried to justify again my reasoning to the captain. I could tell everyone was very, very, very upset. And so I just went ahead and I was like, I'm gonna go talk this over with my my fellow officials. And I went to my fourth official and he gave me kind of an in-between answer. He was like, Yeah, it was just it was just about to stop, which means the media was still moving. And the assistant referee one, who was probably closer to the play, comes up to me and he's like, and and again, I invited him up. It's not like he came without invite over me. I was like, What'd you say? He's like, Yeah, the ball was definitely still rolling. And then I saw my assistant referee two on the other side of the field. He was coming across the field, and so I kind of jog over to him and I was like, What'd you see? He's like, Yeah, the ball was definitely still rolling. And so essentially, I've got three out of four all telling me that ball was not, it was not a proper restart for that free kick, that the ball was still rolling. So now I've got a really difficult decision to make. Do I let my ego get in the way and say, nope, this is what it is, this is what I called, it's it's a goal. Or do I swallow my ego? Do I admit I made a mistake? Not only a judgment error, but a procedural error. And I tell everyone that it's a mistake. And so that's what I did. I went over to the coaches and I told both coaches, hey guys, here's what happened. I've checked with my fellow referees. I had thought that the ball was pretty much stopped moving. They had three of them have told me that the ball definitely was still moving. We have an improper restart, and I'm gonna go back to the direct free kick that I awarded in the middle of the field, and we're gonna disallow the goal. And I didn't get a lot of argument from the coaches. I think everyone kind of knew what was coming, of course, at that point. I got the captains together in the middle of the field, I told them what the situation was, and I apologized. Said, guys, I'm sorry. I made a mistake. Ball was still moving. I've checked with my fellow referees. We're gonna go back to the direct free kick in the middle of the field. And so that's what we did. This happens in the 65th minute in a playoff match, tied 1-1, it would have put them up two to one. And now the referee has taken a goal off of the board after, and I'm sure they've never seen this before, where there was a restart and then a goal, and then after that, that I call it back. Yeah, it's pretty bad. I mean, I'm just gonna be honest, it's just it's not not a good look at all. Not a good look for me as a referee. I know better. Yeah, it again, 99 times out of 100, you allow someone to play that ball. It's trivial. It's just like someone's like toe being off the ground like an inch on a throw and no big deal, whatever, let's go. You allow someone to touch the ball with a foot on a on a restart and then they touch it a second time to move it. It's not the free kick hasn't started. Just wait, they're gonna start the free kick when I say they've started the free kick. But in this situation, it bit me in the ass. And so the the lesson here is this is a playoff match. Okay, someone is going to play their last game of their high school career that night. Last night they did. There are people who will never play again. Don't mess around or don't take chances like that. Like just call a tight, just like I was, like with all my other fouls. Why would I let that go? Why would I let a potential ball rolling on a restart go, even if it's in the middle of the field? Just blow the whistle and do it again. That's it. That would have been the easy call, that would have been the simple call. And again, I take this massive risk allowing him to continue on that restart, and it blew up in my face. And I will never forget that moment and that feeling for as long as I live. That again, I pride myself on being so knowledgeable of the laws of the game, so knowledgeable of the rules of competition for high school. Now, I wish I could tell you, I wish I could tell you that that was the end of my story, but it's not. So now we're in maybe, I don't know, the 72nd minute of the game, and the home team winds up crossing a ball in, goalkeeper clears it away, and the ball is now on, let's say it comes from the AR2 side of the field, and it the goalkeeper clears it away, and it there's like a bunch of defenders in the penalty area. Maybe with three or four, maybe one attacker in the penalty area, and he clears it away to the AR one side of the field. And as the ball moves to the air one side of the field, and I'm following the the flight of the ball here. Goalkeeper's like, hey, hey, he kicked me. And I'm like, what? And the ball lands to the to an attacker, where there's a little bit of competition for the ball. Goalkeeper's on the ground, mind you, like waving his hand, and I'm like, it's not a head injury, it's not a serious injury, and I didn't see a foul. I did not see a foul. And so I'm like, like, play, play is what I'm saying. I don't know if I said that out loud, but I looked, but I didn't have a foul. I didn't see a foul, nothing. And so, of course, what do you think happens? Attacking team crosses the ball back in. To an attacker in the penalty area. He's onside, ball falls to him, and he winds up kicking it in. And goalkeeper kind of makes like a he gets up at this point, but he wasn't in perfect position and makes like a half chance diving for the ball, and the ball goes into the net. And of course, the visiting team is irate. They come rushing towards me. And I'm like, and I'm like, guys, I didn't see a foul. I am so sorry. And I'm I go and I talk with my assistant referee over there, the AR one, who's on that sideline, the close to where the goal is. And I say, What'd you see? He's like, I didn't see anything. And I'm like, You don't have a foul? He's like, No, I didn't see anyone near him. And I didn't see anyone near him either. I think he got kicked by one of his teammates. Honestly, that's the only thing in my mind that can make sense is that when he went up to clear that ball, one of his teammates kicked him by accident. Again, it's not a foul. It's not a serious injury. It's not a head injury. I still, as I'm jogging up to the middle pitch, I go to the fourth official and I stand next to him. I was like, Did you see anything on that? He's like, No, I didn't see anything. And I'm like, goal. So now I have taken a goal off the board for the visiting team. Okay. Procedural error, my mistake. But now they think I've awarded a goal against their team for something they feel is definitely a foul against their team. So I am like the greatest villain ever. Again, now we're in like the 73rd minute of the match, and it just winds up being very frantic the rest of the way. No clear-cut scoring opportunities either side. I've called some fouls. I did have a card for persistent offenses against that kid who was, you know, obviously the best player on the visiting team. He got fouled again and they had an attacking free kick, but weren't able to do much with it. Uh, and again, it just went all the way to the 80th minute on the clock, and the game ended, and it wound up being two to one. But a lot of booze rang out, and I I get it. I understand. I mean, there's an entire team of kids who have played their last game ever where they feel like they were cheated by the referee. There's an entire group of fans who feel like they were cheated by a referee. Now, were they treated cheated? No. They had a referee who made a mistake. And that's me. I made an error on allowing a free kick to go forward that shouldn't have gone forward because the ball was rolling. That's my mistake. They feel like they had a a goal that was ruled out because they were fouled. It's like, man, I can only call what I see. I don't see everything. I haven't seen the video of the match. I looked last night to see if it was posted, and I it's not up on NFHS network. Hopefully at some point it is. I'd love to see it back. Did I miss something? Maybe. Could I have been in a better position? I don't know. I think I was in a really good spot for that one. It's just it feels crappy. This is a busy week for me. So I was assigned referee Wednesday night. I'm the AR2 tonight on another game, and I'm the referee again tomorrow night. So I've got immediately more opportunities for me to get back on the horse and get out there and be the referee I know that I can be. I've learned from the match. Okay. I've learned from my mistakes. I'll be better going forward. There's no doubt about that. Um, I certainly am going to be very, very particular about my restarts. And especially in a playoff match, like really, really, really be very particular about that, not let something like that go again. I I gave my all. I mean, I ran about six miles, 5.98 miles was what was on my ref six uh app when I got home last night. I know I gave my all. I know I was trying to be in the right position, I know I was trying to manage that game well, but it's amazing how one little mistake, one little lapse can immediately turn a game sideways. And again, I don't think it's yeah, it doesn't mean I'm a bad referee, although those kids and those parents are gonna think I'm a bad referee, but it does mean that mistakes can happen and they can be painful. And the I I say this all the time, and I I truly believe it, every mistake is a learning opportunity. There's not a a single mistake that I make that I don't try and think about, okay, what happened? Why did it happen? How might I do something differently next time about that? And it makes me a better person and it makes me a better referee. It's not if bad things are gonna happen to you in life. It's not if we're gonna face challenges, if we're gonna face adversity. We all face challenges, we all face adversity, we all get knocked down. It's who gets back up and is better and wiser when they get back up. So they don't get knocked down again next time for the same reason. I'm gonna push on, I'm gonna continue to try and do my best. I know that it will go better next time, or at least I won't make that same mistake again next time. It's not that everything's gonna be perfect. I mean, when you're in playoffs and it's play or go home and it's a competitive match, it is intense out there. There's no doubt. And I don't expect that everyone is gonna love me after a match, but generally I expect that people are gonna be like, I he did the best that he could, or he called a fair game. And it's just unfortunate that those kids going home last night on that last bus ride on their last soccer game feel like it wasn't a fair game, and I'm to blame for that. It's a shame. We will move forward, we will learn, and we move forward. So, guys, that's really all I got for you this morning. I just wanted to share that with you guys and share like the raw feeling post-match when you don't think like you've had a great game. That's okay. That is normal. Every referee goes through that. Not every game is going to be perfect. Not every game is everyone gonna want to come up and give handshakes and high fives and say, good game, ref. Sometimes people are gonna feel that you screwed them. Whether you meant to or not, it's just that's the nature of the job. We are there to be the official, we're there to make calls, we're there to be a judge, if you will. And sometimes we're gonna make judgments against teams that they're not gonna be happy about. So I just want to tell you, I'm with you. I feel you, and I wish you guys all the best. All right. Well, hey, if you've got stories you want to share, feel free to send them to me at refsneedlove2 at gmail.com. Again, I always remind you guys, but please please support refsneedlove2.com online. If you want to make bulk orders, you want to make some stuff your your custom coins for your area, custom coins for yourself, you want to order coins or cards in bulk for your referees, your mentor, and you want to be able to give stuff out, just shoot me an email at refsneedlov2 at gmail.com, I'll cut you a deal. Again, really appreciate all of your support, your love. Hope you're having a wonderful week. I I hope your next match is Red Card Friends.