Can Your Picky Eater Really Eat Intuitively? [Debunking Picky Eating Myths Part 2]

Hey Mama, ever been steeped in shame and guilt over your child's picky eating habits? Take heart; you're not alone on this journey. I'm Crystal, your intuitive eating dietitian and mom of five, here to help unshackle you from the burden of those misconceptions. My experience with my own picky eaters has given me insights I'm eager to share. Let's start debunking those myths together, shall we? You're not spoiling your child by allowing them to enjoy their safe foods. Instead, you're creating a stress-free mealtime environment that helps your child bridge the gap between accepted foods and new ones.

Now, let's talk health. It's a common belief that selective eaters are unhealthy - a myth that needs challenging. Health is nuanced and contextual, especially when it comes to our children. It's time to debunk the overestimated expectations we have about our kids' eating habits. A picky eater's nutrition may not be as dire as you might think. Our foods are fortified, and your child is probably getting the nutrients they need, even if their plate isn't a rainbow of different foods.

To round off our myth-busting mission, we'll be addressing the impact of diet culture on our perceptions. Who said a child's reluctance to try different foods equates to parental failure? Not so, Mama. Our goal isn't to eradicate their picky eating tendencies, but rather to teach our children to become the best experts of their own bodies. Let's encourage them to trust and accept their unique eating experiences. It's time to lift the shame, embrace acceptance, and start raising intuitive eaters. Tune in, let's free ourselves and our kids from the guilt and expectations.

Questions about today's episode or do you have topic requests for future episodes? Please send your feedback via email to hello@crystalkarges.com or connect with Crystal on Instagram.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:02

Hey there, mama, you're listening to the Lift the Shame podcast. I'm your host, crystal, mama of Five and your family's intuitive eating dietitian, here to help you cut through the diet culture clutter so you can enjoy feeding with food as a family. I'm on a mission to help you end the generational legacy of diet culture in your home so you can experience motherhood free from food guilt and body shame. Listen in weekly for guidance on how you can ditch diet culture, heal your relationship with food in your body and confidently raise intuitive eaters. Let's dive in and lift the shame together. Hey, mama, welcome back to the show. I'm so glad that you're here and we are in the middle of a new series all about picky eating, and we started last week. If you didn't get a chance to go and listen, I hope you can start there.

Speaker 1: 0:52

We are starting out by really just debunking a lot of the myths that are out there about picky eating, and this is a huge passion of mine. I have a couple of picky eaters myself and understand a lot of the shame that we can internalize as parents when we have selective eaters, and I'm hoping that this conversation can start to help shifting that narrative and just alleviate you from any of the guilt or shame that you might be carrying if your child is a selective eater too. So we started last week by again challenging a lot of these common myths that are out there about picky eating. I was hoping that I could tackle all of them that I had on my list last week, but sadly I realized I had way more to say about them than I thought I would. So we're splitting it up and today I'm finishing off this conversation by doing part two of many of the common myths that circulate picky eating or feeding a picky eater, or having a picky eater and then we will move to some other topics surrounding picky eating in the upcoming week. So thank you again for tuning in and being here. I so appreciate you being part of this community and just for all your feedback, and I'm just really grateful to be able to share this conversation with you. So thank you, and I want to start. I have four more myths to dive into today. I'll run through the first two kind of quickly and then probably spend a majority of the time on this episode on the last two, because I think these are very common misconceptions around feeding and raising a picky eater. And again, I'm all about challenging this narrative to free you from the guilt or shame that you may be having or experiencing when it comes to feeding your own child, because it's really hard to build a nurturing and trusting feeding relationship with our kids when we are bogged down with a sense of guilt or shame around how our child eats and so often, as parents, how our child eats can feel like a direct reflection of us as parents. It's really easy again to internalize so much shame when it comes to how our kids eat, especially if our kids are eating in a manner that doesn't align with these arbitrary standards that diet culture has portrayed makes up a healthy child or a healthy eater, and so we're all about challenging those norms and lifting the shame here on the podcast. So let's dive into the rest of these myths, for today, A common myth surrounding picky eaters or feeding picky eaters is this idea that you are spoiling them or spoiling a child or ruining their palate if you're allowing them to eat their safe or accepted foods.

Speaker 1: 3:23

And this is really a tough one, because, as a parent of a picky eater, you know or may have a good idea what foods feel safe for your child and you might really make a cognizant effort to ensure that those are part of your meals and snacks so that your child does have something reliable to eat. And in many ways or from the outside looking in this can be often skewed as spoiling. A picky eater or this is something that I've heard many times myself as a parent of picky eaters is you are just making them more picky. If you allow them to eat the things that they want and the things that they feel safe with, you're never going to help them learn how to eat other foods, and that can just make you feel so guilty. As a parent, I know for me, when I would bring different snacks or foods to a birthday or party or a holiday gathering that I knew that my child could reliably eat. I would always get shade thrown at me, and of course, it's coming from well-meaning people and family members.

Speaker 1: 4:22

But when you're trying to do the best that you can to feed your child and to ensure that they have something to feel safe, this can really make it difficult and challenging to do so, and it's important to understand that we're not creating picky eaters by offering them foods that they feel safe with or actually enjoy eating. And again, this is really a toxic myth that creates this unnecessary shame for parents who are just trying to do their best to raise and feed their children. And the reality is, when we can regularly offer and incorporate our child's safe foods or accepted meals within the things that we're regularly eating, you're really being intentional about making mealtimes feel safe for your child, and this is a really important element in order to support our kids in building positive associations with food and with mealtimes. For many picky eaters, they can start to internalize stress and anxiety around eating because of different stressors that may be coming up for them. Or maybe there's not an accepted food that they feel comfortable eating, or maybe they're feeling a lot of pressure or outside stress to try to eat certain foods that they may not be comfortable with or ready for, and all of these different scenarios can essentially make the mealtime feel unsafe for them, and so we want to think about how can we bridge that gap where we can include foods that our child does feel safe with and things that are accepted foods to them alongside other foods that they're still learning how to eat, and again without pressuring them to eat those foods that they may not be ready for. So often we get this idea.

Speaker 1: 5:58

I talked a little bit about this on last week's episode, but we are constantly told these ideas that if you just keep exposing your child, they will eventually eat these foods, whatever it is vegetables, fruits, different things that they may not willingly eat but if you keep exposing them, they will eat them. And what I have learned? My 11 year old is one of my selective eaters, and also my son, who's seven, and I have learned that it's really important to offer and expose without this hidden agenda or attached outcome that we are married to in our head. So often we're offering different foods with the hopes that our kids will eventually eat these things. And our kids are so smart they can really attune to our emotional state, to our hidden agendas, and they can really pick up when we have hidden motives in our approach to feeding, which is why I really think it's important to learn this practice of accepting our kids and the varied temperaments that they bring into the feeding relationship that we have with them.

Speaker 1: 7:03

Many of our kids, no matter how many times we expose them to different foods, may never decide to willingly eat them. And that's okay, and I talked about this a little bit last week. But when I arrived to that place of acceptance with my own daughter, it really changed everything. It allowed me to make meals that included safe and accepted foods for her that also didn't have this pressure, this hidden pressure, for her to try or interact with the other foods that were also part of that meal. I will talk more about this in upcoming episodes.

Speaker 1: 7:36

But all this to say that if you are including your child's accepted foods as part of your meals and snacks, that doesn't make you a bad parent. That doesn't mean that you're spoiling your child. It doesn't mean that you're ruining your child and just reinforcing any pickiness that may be there. On the contrary, it shows that you're being intentional about allowing your child to have foods that help them feel safe, and that is a good thing. My friend, and I know it can also be hard because of what society tells us, because of what diet culture creates in terms of these ideas of raising healthy kids. And at the same time, you know your child best and it's important that our kids come to eating experiences feeling safe. But we can do that for our children, who are selective eaters, by ensuring that there are foods accepted foods that they feel comfortable with, alongside other foods that they may still be learning how to eat.

Speaker 1: 8:31

Another myth here, when it comes to feeding children who are more selective or picky eaters, is this idea that if you let a child go hungry, that this will make them more willing or apt to eat or try different foods, simply because they're in a hunger state. And I can't tell you how many times I've been told this harmful advice and that's exactly what it is. I'm, you know, saying the quiet part out loud here is that this advice is truly harmful because it's only creating added stress for parents and kids alike, and allowing our child to go prolongedly in a hunger state in order to try to get them to eat at a later time or try to get them to eat Things that we want them to eat, is very manipulative, and I know for myself when I first heard this, as a parent with a picky eater who's navigating selective eating and dealing with a handful of foods that my child would willingly eat, I remember that level, that degree of desperation, like I just want my child to eat something other than goldfish or Ritz crackers or all these beige foods that she's constantly going for. I understand that pressure and, at the same time, when we try to integrate these harmful tactics that actually put our child into more of a stress state. It can really shut down their system and make selective eating even worse or even more problematic. I also know with families that I've worked with who have tried this in desperation, that kids often will refuse to eat even though they are hungry, and knowingly hungry. This often stems from being in a stressed state. When the nervous system is activated, appetite shuts down, even though your child may have gone several hours without eating, and so we really want to move away from manipulative tactics that can only really intensify negative feelings around food and eating.

Speaker 1: 10:25

If we are engaging in any of these strategies that can cause a child to feel unsafe with mealtimes, this can again only increase picky eating or make your child more resistant to eating or trying new foods. And I know it's stressful for parents as well when you see your child hungry or when you're not giving your child, let's say, foods that they want in hopes that they'll eat something that you're offering them later. That's stress on you too. That makes it so hard to build this trusting feeding relationship that we want to be nurturing with our kids. Our kids won't learn that they can trust us to feed them if they're in situations where they don't feel safe, and so it's really important to step back to see the big picture of what's happening and to bring it back to the key foundations, which is trust. We want our children to feel safe. We want them to know that we can be trusted to feed them and also support them where they're at. We want to meet our kids where they are at, and the reality is that kids are all learning about food in different timelines and different ways, and eating is a skill that all of our children are developing and, just like any other skill, every child is going to develop at their own pace, at their own rate, with the resources that they have. So we just want to be really careful about the expectations that we're putting on our kids and, of course, be careful not to engage in any type of feeding practice that can be harmful in effort to try to get them to expand their palate, because, again, this practice is more often than not going to backfire and create more harm than good.

Speaker 1: 12:01

Okay, so a third myth here that I hear a lot and see circulating a lot when it comes to having a picky eater is that picky eaters are unhealthy because they're not eating a variety of different foods. This is a really tough one and there's so much to unpack here, but the bottom line is that some individuals, including adults, including children, may never be able to eat in a manner that diet culture promotes as what is healthy, and that is okay. We have to remember that health is highly contextual and very nuanced and very dependent on the individual. Health means different things for different people, and when we try to draw this picture of health based on how somebody eats and try to conjure up this picture of health based on eating a variety of foods, this is harmful. It's a harmful narrative that is being perpetuated by diet culture and we really want to move away from this and projecting this idea of health on our own children, because the reality is, if you have a child who is a picky eater or more selective with food, there are likely many different factors again that are influencing why they're eating or the manner in which they're eating, and a lot of this has to do with their development, with their sensory profile, with their temperament, and these are things that we've talked about.

Speaker 1: 13:24

However, when we try to get our kids to conform into this box that they never are meant to fill. This can make it really challenging for them to learn how to listen to you and trust their own bodies, and this is why I think it's really important again to examine what is our standard of health? Where is this coming from? What is drawing on any experiences that you're having in terms of a standard of health that you might be holding your own child against? And, in reality, when we're looking at food in terms of being able to meet our varied nutrient needs, the reality is that children are generally able to get the nutrients they need from the foods that they are provided, and I want to just remind that many of the things I'm talking through here are generalized ideas and, of course, there's going to be nuanced situations here. There are going to be situations where you're dealing with, let's say, extreme picky eating and maybe your child's only eating a handful of foods and this is starting to influence their health and well-being and ability to function, and I don't want to undermine those situations. I will say that for a large majority of children who are dealing with picky eating, they are generally able to get in the nutrients that their body needs.

Speaker 1: 14:41

We tend to overestimate how much our kids need to eat, the quantities of foods that they need to eat and the variety of foods that they need to eat in order to meet their nutrient needs. And this is part of the problem is that our idea of what our kids need to actually maintain their nutrients for growth and development is often much lower than what we think it is, and this can put undue pressure. This can cause us to pressure our kids to maybe eat certain things or certain quantities that, again, they're not ready for, and any form of pressure, whether subtly or more direct, is going to make it harder for our kids to get in what they need in a natural way. So we want to just keep these ideas in mind, and nutrition is really an emergency, especially here in our developed countries, because so many of our foods are fortified, and I share this concept because I remember with my daughter who is now 11, as a baby, cheerios was one of the few foods that she would eat, and I remember, when I learned that Cheerios are actually fortified and offer a variety of the different micronutrients that children need, that provided so much relief to me, and I remember being concerned and worried about her nutritional status for a long time, because I would look at the things that she would eat and think to myself like there's no way that she's getting all the different micronutrients and vitamins and minerals that our kids need to grow. And when I learned this basic information that many of the foods that our kids are drawn to eating have overlapping nutrients and there's not just one food that provides all of the things that our kids need In reality, our children are getting the things that they need over the course of time, and just learning some of these things really helped alleviate the pressure that I was putting on myself and free me from the burden of that worry that her nutrition status is horrible.

Speaker 1: 16:40

Something bad is going to happen to her. She's not going to grow or develop properly, and these were, of course, things that were happening when she was in her toddler age, and it's just been incredible to see how she's grown and developed and how her relationship with food has blossomed. And now, as an 11 year old, she really is sure of herself and the things that she likes and doesn't like. But I've seen her grow so much and never once in her life has she been at a disadvantage because of her being a more selective eater, and it really just took me being able to work through some of those fears that I had and that I was harboring in order to create an environment that felt safer for her. But that's just one thing that I want you to remember too, if you're navigating this with your own child. Let those concerns are real, and I want you to know that it's valid.

Speaker 1: 17:30

As a parent, we are responsible for our kids. We want to ensure that they're growing into their healthiest selves. We want to make sure that they're getting all the things that they need to be healthy. And just remembering that that word healthy is very layered and there's so many different facets that go into having a healthy child. And when it comes to the food piece, we want to remember that there's no one perfect way of eating that will ensure that our child is healthy. That's just not possible. And when we can alleviate ourselves from that responsibility, it makes us feel more accepting of where our kids are at and also trusting of their ability to get in the foods that they need to support their nutrient intake. And, again, just remembering that there are many different foods that your child is likely eating that are supporting their nutrient needs overall.

Speaker 1: 18:24

One thing that I've learned just from my own journey and working with so many families, though, is that we tend to discredit the foods that diet culture also demonizes. So things like process foods, package foods, convenience foods, canned foods so many of these different foods that actually are nutrient dense and do have a variety of different nutrients that can be beneficial for our kids we tend to either limit or restrict or avoid buying them or having them in our home because of what diet culture has said about these foods. It's created a narrative around these foods which demonizes them and makes us feel guilty or like we're bad parents if we allow our kids to eat these things, when in reality, we can be preventing our kids from having exposure to other foods that can increase the variety of things that they're eating. So let me give you another example about this, just to illustrate this point.

Speaker 1: 19:14

I remember for a long time, one of my kiddos was a verse to fresh fruit, and for the life of me I could not understand why Like who doesn't like fresh berries or fresh watermelon and things like that, and I found myself feeling very challenged by this preference that my kiddo had, and one day it dawned on me that this was part of a sensory challenge for this particular child of mine that she was also adverse to how certain things fell on her body and just more sensory sensitive to different things in her surroundings and her environment. And when I thought about just the properties of fruit and how fruit can often be unpredictable in its taste, in its texture, like if you think about a pint of blueberries, for example, that pint of blueberries is going to taste different depending on the time of year that you buy it or where you bought it from, or even the pint of blueberries itself. I know you can pick one out and it tastes really sweet and tender, and you can pick another one out that might be super squishy or moldy. And for a lot of kids that have sensory sensitivities, that unpredictability with fruit can be terrifying. It can be something that they're adverse to or try to avoid. And when I started to put those pieces together, it really helped me understand that maybe it wasn't the fruit itself but just the way it was prepared. And so I started trying to incorporate different kinds of fruit that are still fruit but prepared in different ways that had more predictable texture and flavor, and sure enough, she loved them. So we started incorporating dried fruit, frozen fruits and canned fruit, things that I wouldn't normally keep in the house, not for any particular reason, but we just didn't prefer to buy those things versus other foods or other fruit. But when I realized that there was this texture issue or taste issue going on with my kiddo and that she was more sensitive to that because of her unique sensory profile and how that was showing up, it really helped open my eyes to how I could better support her and just include things that naturally allowed her to expand her variety. So we want to just be careful.

Speaker 1: 21:20

Sometimes we're not buying things because we just don't think about having them or including them. We tend to buy foods in our home that we naturally prefer as adults or caregivers and sometimes we don't think about it from our child's perspective and really for a lot of kids I've seen this with so many picky eaters, my own included is that oftentimes they don't have the vernacular, they don't have the language to explain or communicate some of their struggles around the foods that they're eating. Their only way of communicating that something doesn't feel safe or something doesn't feel right or isn't sitting well with them is by refusing it, like food refusal, or rejecting it altogether, or saying things like yuck, or I don't like this, or this doesn't taste good, and we can internalize that food refusal as rejection, and it can trigger us and bring up a lot of things for us as parents, and I'm going to be talking more about this in the upcoming weeks. But I wonder if we could step back and try to understand why is this food challenging? Or what's coming up for my kiddo? What are they trying to express here that I am not picking up on? That can help us get more curious about why they are rejecting those foods. Is there a pattern around this and can we potentially incorporate other things that can help them naturally expand variety in a way that feels safe to them? But the bottom line here that I hope you can take away from this is that just because your child has a limited variety compared to another child does not automatically mean that they're unhealthy, that they're doomed, that they're going to be in a health crisis growing up. That's not what it means at all, and there's, of course, a lot of nuance here. But I just want you to consider that you can trust your child and you can trust them to eat what they need from the foods that you're providing them and oftentimes our children. Their nutrition status is much better than we anticipate and they are able to get the things that they need over time, so I hope this can help just alleviate any pressure or stress that you might be feeling, although we will be talking about this in episodes to come.

Speaker 1: 23:21

Okay, so the last myth I wanted to tackle here is a big one in itself and maybe I'll do just a broad overview on it, and if this is a topic that you resonate with or you would like to hear more information about, please connect with me and let me know. I can definitely do a deeper dive into this if this is something that you're interested in. But this is the idea that our picky eaters can't be trusted to eat intuitively. This is an interesting topic with many different layers, and it kind of stems from this idea that intuitive eating should look a certain way, and this idea or this misconception about what intuitive eating looks like or should look like in kids can really prevent us from accepting or trusting our child to eat what they need and what works best for their individual bodies.

Speaker 1: 24:09

So oftentimes when I hear this idea of raising intuitive eater being promoted on social media or different media channels, it's often conjuring up this picture of your child will enjoy a variety of different foods. They will like vegetables, they will eat in a balanced way, and what I think is really important for us to understand is that a child eating intuitively does not equal a child eating in a quote balanced way. And when I'm talking about balance, I'm talking about this idea that when we feed a child and we're including different components, we're including some carbohydrates, we're including some protein and food and vegetables and dairy that our kids will naturally want to eat a variety of those different things that we include in any given meal or snack. This is often an idea that many parents are striving for, even a subconscious way, when it comes to raising an intuitive eater this idea of I want my child to eat in a balanced way. Many of us are attached to this outcome without really knowing why or what it means to us, but often what's connected to it is what we were previously talking about, and that is this idea that if my child eats in a balanced way, or eats a variety of foods in every different eating opportunity, this will ensure that they grow into their healthiest selves.

Speaker 1: 25:33

In reality, if I could draw an illustration of what intuitive eating looks like for kids. It often looks nothing like the idea of balanced eating that we have in our head. Sometimes it looks like your child is mostly just eating bread all day long, or maybe mostly leaning towards the sweeter foods, or maybe not eating a vegetable for months on end and just eating again the white, beigey, starchy foods that you're offering them. And just because your child is eating in that manner does not mean they are not eating intuitively. We have to remember that our kids are born with these innate abilities to self-regulate what they need, and those abilities are guided by their individual body, by their unique preferences and their sensory profile and their temperament, and that the only person living in your child's body is your child. And so we really have to let go of the expectations that we have when it comes to how we think our kids need to be eating or how they should be eating, because this doesn't allow our children to learn and develop this experience for themselves. We have to remember that raising an intuitive eater has more to do with how we're feeding our child and the trusting feeding relationship that's developing with them and us, versus the what of what we're actually feeding them or what your child might be eating from the foods that you provide.

Speaker 1: 27:07

And again, diet culture plays a huge role in shaping our ideas of how we should be feeding our children and what our children should be eating, and this can often infiltrate our ideas of what it means to raise an intuitive eater, even on a subconscious level. We've talked about this a little bit last week too, but diet culture has framed picky eating as a problem that needs to be fixed, which squares off parents as failures if their kids don't willingly eat vegetables or aren't open to trying a wide array of rainbow colored foods. And it creates this common misunderstanding with children who are more selective about eating, that somehow the way they eat is wrong and they can't possibly be intuitive if they prefer chicken nuggets or Cheetos, or that the quantity of food that they're eating can't somehow be right for them. And again, as a parent of a picky eater, I understand this narrative.

Speaker 1: 27:59

There's been many times where I've watched what my kids choose to eat from the foods that I've provided and have questioned, even quietly, their abilities to eat what they need to support their overall health and growth, and that can be hard to sit with as a parent and again it's like you're watching your child just eat the bread and the dessert from the meal that you've provided and not want anything else. Or there's been many times where my kids have had a cookie or a bite of a roll and said I'm done, my tummy's full, I don't want to eat anymore. And you really can battle with this question in your mind like, is my child really eating? Intuitively Because this doesn't seem right or this doesn't look right. But here's what I've learned that any of my discomforts that are coming up around how my children eat are not a reflection of them, but of me. And anytime the way my own child eats brings up discomfort in me, it's typically because of something in me that needs to be looked at more closely, not something that's inherently wrong with my child or how my child eats.

Speaker 1: 28:59

And this is where I think, as parents, we all need to look about adjusting our responses to how our children eat, versus trying to quote, unquote, fix how our children are eating. And just because you have a child who's a picky eater and they might not be eating in alignment with, maybe, your expectations of how you think they should be eating, doesn't mean that they're broken or incapable of listening to their bodies. At the end of the day, if we are trying to get our children to eat in alignment with our own expectations because it makes us feel better, that is not going to help them preserve their own intuitive eating abilities. And raising an intuitive eater is about helping your child learn to become the best expert of their own bodies, and the only people living in your child's body are your children. And if we're trying to steer their eating choices from our own fears or hidden agendas, this isn't going to allow them to learn how to listen to and trust their bodies, which is the foundation of what it means to raise an intuitive eater. And I really think with this conversation comes challenging the narrative of what it means to raise an intuitive eater.

Speaker 1: 30:06

Raising an intuitive eater is not about having a child who willingly eats vegetables, or getting your child to eat whatever you put in front of them, or having a child comply with what you want them to eat when you want them to eat. That's not what it means. And in order to support our children in becoming the best expert of their own bodies, it's important to first lay down any expectations or hidden agendas that you may have in order to give your kids the space and freedom they need to grow into the person they're meant to be, not who we want them to be and I know this can be a really, really hard pill to swallow, and truly, for a long time, I had to make peace with the fact that my picky eaters weren't going to eat certain foods like vegetables, and that they'd mostly survive on beige carbohydrate based foods. And, especially as a dietitian, I took a lot of shade from people who questioned how I fed my kids and the way my kids ate and still do I still do to this day which makes it even harder to be okay with where our kids are at, especially when it comes to eating. I think part of this, too, is also just our temperaments as parents. Like if you are more of an adventurous eater yourself, or if you're someone who enjoys food or enjoys cooking or considers yourself a foodie, and you have a child who's the opposite of that or who's more selective or who doesn't really enjoy different kinds of foods, that can be a challenge too.

Speaker 1: 31:28

So there's a lot here that can be bringing up a lot around the way our child eats, and in some ways, we have to grieve what we hoped our child would be when it comes to eating, because our eating interactions with our kids are a form of connection, and when we feel like we can't connect with our child in certain ways, that can be painful. Again, it can be something that we have to grieve, and do so in order to let go of any unrealistic expectations that may be there. But, all in all, it's remembering that the goal of raising an intuitive eater is not about getting a picky eater to eat more foods that you want them to eat, or to try to make their picky eating tendencies go away. At the end of the day, there's no wrong way to learn how to eat, and there's definitely not a wrong way to learn how to be an intuitive eater and the best expert of your own body. And just because you have a child who might be more selective with food doesn't mean they're unable to listen to their own bodies.

Speaker 1: 32:26

So that's something I wanted to share, because I know there's a lot wrapped up in there. And, again, when it comes to raising an intuitive eater, it's less about the food and more about the trust and acceptance that we are learning to extend to our children so that they can, in turn, internalize those things for themselves. It's very hard for a child to learn to trust their body if they're picking up messages from their caregivers that they can't be trusted to eat, or that they're being micromanaged, or that how they're eating or that their preferences are wrong. Those are very hard things for them to do, and trust is an essential piece of them being able to listen to their bodies and self-regulate, even if it looks much different from how we would expect them to eat. So there's definitely a lot here, and I just want to quickly touch on one thing that I think is important to address, and that is that oftentimes, if there has been trauma around our child with their bodies or food, or trauma during pregnancy or postpartum, this can also make it challenging for us to learn how to trust our child.

Speaker 1: 33:27

So, just as an example, my daughter one of my daughters, who is a more selective eater she was born as a late preterm. So I was 30, just 36 weeks, or just shy of 36 weeks pregnant when she was born, and she had a lot of feeding difficulties. Breastfeeding was extremely challenging and traumatic in many ways, and that's a story for another podcast episode, but I remember I needed to take her in for frequent weight checks because they were concerned she wasn't taking in enough breast milk, and there was so many different apparatuses that I was using and pumping and taking her in to make sure that she was getting enough, and I remember the pediatrician telling me she's not getting enough weight. We want to see her weight at a higher place. She's not taking in what she needs, and I remember just feeling and internalizing this message that I couldn't trust my baby to take in what she needed for her body, and those messages can stay with us for years as parents, where there's early things that may have happened in your child's story or in their early childhood that may influence the way you feel about them eating now.

Speaker 1: 34:37

And I see this a lot with picky eating, where there may have been some medical trauma or things that happened around your child, around their growth, around their development or their intake or their weight, especially as a baby, which may play a role in how you feel about them eating now, and so I think it's really important to just examine is that a part of your food story and, if so, are there ways that you can work through that in order to be present with where they are today. So often we can carry that narrative that their bodies can't be trusted because of things that happened in the past and put that burden on them now in effort to keep them safe. But in reality, we're often living in a different situation, and so I just wanted to share that because, again, picky eating is so nuanced. There's so much that is connected to this topic for ourselves, for our kids, and again I just want to hold space for you if you're navigating this with your own child or in your own family, and I just want you to know that you're not alone.

Speaker 1: 35:32

I hope this episode was helpful in just talking through some of these common myths that may come up when it comes to raising a picky eater, and if you have questions or topic suggestions about picky eating that you'd like me to address, I'd love to hear from you. As always, you can connect with me via email. Hello at CrystalCargiscom, and thank you so much for your time in tuning in. I cannot wait to see you next week. Thank you for listening to this week's episode of the Lift the Shame podcast. For more tips and guidance on your motherhood journey, come connect with me on Instagram at CrystalCargis. Until next week, mama, I'll be cheering you on. Bye for now.