Are your children being influenced by diet culture without you even knowing? We're peeling back the layers on how diet culture sneaks into classrooms, curriculum, standardized tests, and sports teams. As parents, it's impossible to shield our children entirely from these harmful messages. Instead, we need to arm them with the ability to challenge these narratives with sound critical thinking. We'll talk about the importance of maintaining a calm presence and best practices to handle unsettling situations related to diet culture at school.
Understand that your child's behaviors often communicate their emotional state. We'll explore how to tune into these signals and comprehend how their environment may be impacting them. The creation of a hierarchy around food can have unintended consequences, leading to confusion, shame, and anxiety in children. We delve into the necessity of advocating for our children in such scenarios. Learn how to effectively approach conversations with teachers and send clear messages to your child's school. Together, we can lift the shame around food and body image, creating a healthier relationship with food for our children. Let's start this important conversation.
Show Links:
Questions about today's episode or do you have topic requests for future episodes? Please send your feedback via email to hello@crystalkarges.com or connect with Crystal on Instagram.
Are your children being influenced by diet culture without you even knowing? We're peeling back the layers on how diet culture sneaks into classrooms, curriculum, standardized tests, and sports teams. As parents, it's impossible to shield our children entirely from these harmful messages. Instead, we need to arm them with the ability to challenge these narratives with sound critical thinking. We'll talk about the importance of maintaining a calm presence and best practices to handle unsettling situations related to diet culture at school.
Understand that your child's behaviors often communicate their emotional state. We'll explore how to tune into these signals and comprehend how their environment may be impacting them. The creation of a hierarchy around food can have unintended consequences, leading to confusion, shame, and anxiety in children. We delve into the necessity of advocating for our children in such scenarios. Learn how to effectively approach conversations with teachers and send clear messages to your child's school. Together, we can lift the shame around food and body image, creating a healthier relationship with food for our children. Let's start this important conversation.
Show Links:
Questions about today's episode or do you have topic requests for future episodes? Please send your feedback via email to hello@crystalkarges.com or connect with Crystal on Instagram.
Hey there, mama, you're listening to the Lift the Shame podcast. I'm your host, crystal, mama of Five and your family's intuitive eating dietitian, here to help you cut through the diet culture clutter so you can enjoy freedom with food as a family. I'm on a mission to help you end the generational legacy of diet culture in your home so you can experience motherhood free from food guilt and body shame. Listen in weekly for guidance on how you can ditch diet culture, heal your relationship with food in your body and confidently raise intuitive eaters. Let's dive in and lift the shame together. Hey, mama, welcome back to the show. I'm so grateful to share this time and space with you today and appreciate you tuning in.
Speaker 1:Last week we started a new mini-series here on the show, all about diet culture, how it shows up in our kids' schools and how we can support them through it. I know this can be a really challenging topic and my hope is that I can bring you some resources and support to empower you through this so that you can help your kids become impervious to those diet culture messages that are so subtle and sneaky and show up in really unexpected ways. Last week, we talked about the different ways that diet culture can show up in the school setting, in the classroom, in curriculum, on standardized tests, on sports teams. There's various ways in which diet culture can show up. Sometimes it can really catch us off guard. I know I shared this last week, but when I was helping my daughter with a test online and saw a question about how many calories this child needed to burn off based on what she had eaten and this was a math question that she had to solve it just totally caught me off guard. This may be true for you too, that you're hearing different things. Your child might be asking you questions, or your child might regurgitate some things that they've heard in the classroom or from other children, and it can be a little unsettling.
Speaker 1:I think one of the things we want to just keep in mind as we're approaching this with ourselves and with our children is that we can't keep our kids in a bubble. I know I mentioned this before as much as so many of us would like to, because we understand the negative effects and the negative implications of being bombarded with these diet culture messages and we want to be able to shield our kids from that. I just want to encourage you to also think about some of the long-term goals when it comes to approaching this. We want our children to develop critical thinking skills. We want them to be able to call out these falsehoods, these lies that show up in their everyday, and to be able to learn how to self-advocate for when something doesn't feel right to them or someone is asking them to do something that feels contradictory to what their body wants or needs. We want our children to be able to identify those things and learn how to advocate for themselves. But, of course, in the meantime, especially while our children are still young, they need our guidance, they need our support and we want to be able to show up for them and help them. I do think it's important to also just examine how we're showing up and what's coming up for us, because being able to regulate with our kids and being able to share our calm, especially in situations that can feel unsettling, can be really helpful to help them feel safe and to know that we are safe people in their lives to come and share when something feels uncomfortable or unsafe for them and I know that can be hard to do. I know this is easier said than done, because oftentimes the things that our kids are encountering can feel really triggering to us as parents, and I want you to just be aware of that as you're navigating this with your child.
Speaker 1:So many of us were victims to diet culture in our school settings in some way growing up, and it may feel painful for you when you look back at your childhood experiences and realize that you maybe didn't have a caregiver who came alongside you and supported you or advocated for you or was just a safe place for you to share some of the things that you were questioning or maybe confused about. A lot of us didn't have that, unfortunately, and so it can be painful and hard when we see our kids maybe going through similar things and also reminded of our own wounding around this, where maybe we fell victim to some of the things that we heard, or different assignments that we were given, or peers who were engaging in dieting or disordered behaviors and never had anyone to come alongside us, and so I just want you to be aware of that and what's coming up for you as you're thinking about some of these things as you're navigating them. Maybe you still have younger children who are not yet being exposed to this in different ways, or maybe your child hasn't just encountered this yet. However, I do think it's important to realize and just be cognizant of the fact that our kids likely will encounter diet culture in some shape or form, whether it's from well meeting family members or teachers or providers, from their peers. It shows up and that is because our society is so inundated with these messages and, again, we want our children to be able to develop the skills to learn how to recognize them and challenge them and also just protect their bodies and what they need and their mental health and all those things are so important to having a good relationship with food and their bodies. So today I just wanted to give you some practical things to think through if and when your child is encountering diet culture in some shape or form at school. And much of this is shaped from my own experience with my own children right now, at the time of this recording, we have five kids ranging from ages five to 13. So we have elementary and junior high right now, and I will tell you that it shows up in many different forms along the spectrum of school age years. So I broke this down into four different things that I want you to think about and conveniently they all start with A so can help you remember as you're thinking through some of these things, and I'm also going to share a couple of resources from colleagues of mine who have done so much great work in this area and will link them in the show notes for you as I talk through some of these things.
Speaker 1:So let's dive in here. And first step here is just awareness, and we've been talking about this. I think, when we are vigilant in remembering that while in our own home we might take an approach to food and bodies that is positive and trusting and focusing on building a trusting feeding relationship between us and our children, we are working towards cultivating that within our families and with our homes. And while that might be the norm within your own home, again it's important to remember what mainstream culture is like. It's very centered and grounded in diet culture and again, your child is going to encounter this and it's honestly not a matter of if but when.
Speaker 1:And I think it can just be helpful to keep your eyes and ears open, to just be on the alert and just aware of different things that your child is engaging in, and some things that really come to mind here are your child's lunch eating situations if your child's on sports teams and any wellness curriculum that might be coming up for your child and sometimes it's just showing up in physical education, so in PE, and just kind of keeping an eye on those realms and assessing, like what's going on and even just having conversations with your child and leading with curiosity here to understand maybe what they're being exposed to and is diet culture showing up in any shape or form. And we may not be able to catch everything of course. You know that's not necessarily realistic or the objective here. However, we just want to be aware of how this might be surfacing and where it's showing up and, I think, when we can just keep an eye on those big areas because this is where it tends to show up in the school setting, in PE or wellness focused activities or class, in your child's eating environment. So is there food policing happening? Is there talk about food? Is your child maybe being pressured to eat in a certain way or maybe not allowed to have packaged items or is feeling stressed about being able to have something sweet? You know, just keeping an eye on those type of things and also sports teams. So if your child is engaging in a sport or an athletic venture, you do want to be aware of what is the culture like on their team with the coaches. All of that because that can also be a prime breeding ground for diet culture, and these are things that we want to keep at the forefront of our mind. So awareness is definitely the first step.
Speaker 1:The second step here is just to assess how any potential encounters that your child is having with diet culture topics or things that are coming up around food or their bodies you want to carefully assess. How are these things impacting your child and their individual relationship with food, how they feel about their bodies and how they are eating. Now, this can be a little tricky, but one thing that I look at here I tend to try to triage things because, again, not every single thing that our child encounters is necessarily going to warrant a conversation with the teacher or the principal, and those things are necessary at times. However, that may not always be the case, and so that's why it does take some assessment about how your child is doing, how this is affecting your child, to understand if you need to intervene and how. Now I tend to look at this in two different categories. So are there invasive diet culture approaches that are directly impacting how your child is moving through their day at school and feeling about food and eating and their bodies when they're at school. If so, those things typically do require some more direct intervention. The other category to consider is maybe indirect. So maybe your child heard someone make a comment, maybe they heard their coach say something about you know, don't drink Gatorade, it's not healthy for you. Whatever that might be, some of these might be having an impact, but it may not be as invasive as other things that may potentially be coming up, and so, really, I just encourage you you know your child best to really have an awareness of how some of these things are coming up and then, number two, assessing how they may be potentially affecting your child.
Speaker 1:So, just to give you an example here, this is something that came up with a really close friend of mine who was sharing with me how her daughter was starting to feel anxious about her lunch and going to school, and it really required her taking a deeper look and asking some questions, and this is always my suggestion too, because sometimes, when we're aware of what's coming up, we want to just jump in. It's like mama bear shows up full force. What is happening here? Let me figure this out, and I think it's important again to lead in with curiosity and really try to understand what is happening. And this is where open-ended questions feeling out. How is your child feeling? How is your child responding? How is your child being affected by anything that's potentially happening?
Speaker 1:And my friend was telling me how her daughter would come home with, oftentimes, her sweet portion of her lunch saved in her lunchbox and she's like so weird, I can't figure it out, because she always loves these things, she's always asking about them and she was being really intentional about incorporating those aspects of food that her child loves in her lunch and her daughter was coming home with them uneaten, unopened, still intact in her lunch, and she seemed stressed and anxious. And this is where I think my friend did an amazing job attuning to her own child and to her child's emotional state. And this is something I also want to encourage you with as well, when we can attune and be attuned to our kids and their emotional states, and also remembering that with our children, their behaviors, that they're engaging in, are forms of communication. Oftentimes our children don't yet have the language or the vernacular to describe what is happening for them emotionally or what's coming up for them, and so we might see this expressed in different behaviors. And so when we can be attuned to our children, this can help clue us in is something going on? And now, how can I assess how this is affecting my child?
Speaker 1:And so my friend was telling me. You know, she just seemed stressed, she worries about lunch, and she started asking some open-ended questions. And, sure enough, she found out from her daughter, who's seven and in second grade, that her teacher was asking their kids not to eat their treats. So she was telling them it's really important that we eat our healthy foods and we eat our sandwiches and our fruit and we save our treats for later. And I know there was good intention and, as my friend was sharing this story with me, recognizing too how affected our kids' teachers often are by diet culture, messaging and again, the thought likely behind this being that when kids can eat different foods or a variety of different foods, it might help them focus better.
Speaker 1:However, unintended consequences of this hierarchy around food can create confusion, it can create shame around having sweets and actually even make them more desirable in a child's mind, and in the case of my friend and her daughter. It was clear that her daughter was starting to feel anxious about bringing a food that she actually loved and enjoyed eating to school and felt that maybe she wasn't allowed to have that. That unintentional attachment of guilt and shame to food often happens when we create a hierarchy around food, and those are the things that can actually separate our kids from their innate intuitive eating abilities. And my friend is someone who is putting so much work and effort into really helping support her kids build a positive relationship with food and their bodies, and so naturally she was alarmed when she uncovered this and figured this out. And so that is an example of something that is having a direct impact on a child's ability to eat, to feel safe in their bodies at school. And it just makes me think, too, of so many children who have sensory sensitivities or who are just more anxious eaters, and maybe the packaged item that's packed in their lunchbox is one of their accepted foods, and when we take those things away from our kids, that can just make eating feel even more scary for them. But again, these are not typical topics that teachers or aides are educated around, and there is so much good intention.
Speaker 1:However, we have to look at the impact. What is the impact of some of these approaches to food and is it negatively affecting our kids? And in the case of my friend, she did take some steps to connect with the teacher and have a conversation because her daughter was definitely feeling anxious and not eating a whole lot when she was going to school as a result of the way that food was being approached in the classroom. And thankfully, her daughter's teacher was very open minded and open to hearing her point of view and having a discussion around it, and so the end result did see some changes in that approach to food in the classroom. I've also had friends and colleagues who were aware of just more food policing in the classroom and maybe it was more benign and more kind of indirect but maybe just comments being made, not necessarily pressuring or forcing a child to eat certain things, but just subtle comments put out there and sometimes just taping a note to your child's lunchbox saying something as simple as I trust my child, writing their name in there to eat what they need from the food that I've provided Thank you for your concern or something simple and straightforward like that where maybe, if your child is still too young and cannot necessarily advocate for themselves in that way. That can be a way of sharing a message and also advocating for your child. I have an amazing colleague in the feeding space who actually has what she calls a lunchbox card. This is written by Dr Katya Roel and I am going to link that for you in the show notes because it's brilliant how she words it. And so just making printing out. It's a little downloadable, you can print out, you can cut up, you can write your child's name in there to customize it to them and stick it in their lunchbox.
Speaker 1:If you're worried about comments being made, whether it's by a teacher's aide or a teacher in the classroom, again there may be good intention, but we always have to look at the impact and this is why I say assess, assess how your child is being impacted by these various forms of diet culture in the school setting. For some children, if they're hearing some of these comments, they may not necessarily fully understand what's being implicated or they may just not be taking it in. So for some kids it kind of just rolls off their back where they. There may be some comments being made, but it's not anything that your child is necessarily internalizing or caring with them. That's why it's really important to assess your individual child. You know your child best. You understand their temperament, you understand their feelings and their emotions and their behaviors, and this is where you, as a parent, have that superpower of being able to attune to your child and assess. All right, I know some of these things might be coming up. Something seems off. Let me figure out what's happening and how is this affecting my child?
Speaker 1:And this leads me to the third point here, which is advocating. So certainly in those situations where there's a direct effect happening on your child as a result of certain approaches to food or just subtle ways that diet culture is showing up in the classroom or in the school setting or in a curriculum or maybe an assignment that your child is given, there will likely be some times where your child does need you to step in and advocate for them, and this can go many different ways. And I also think it's important to understand what is your capacity. There are so many things that we can be doing to advocate for our kids and we just want to burn diet culture to the ground so that it's not something that our kids have to deal with, but unfortunately it's not that easy. It's a hard road ahead and we're doing the best we can, and I do think it's important to just honor whatever season you're in and whatever capacity you may have.
Speaker 1:I know parents who are in seasons of life where they do have more capacity and can take on more advocacy, work at the state level and are talking and meeting with legislators and curriculum writers and doing amazing work, and I also recognize that you might be in a season of life where getting your child out the door for school with two matching shoes on is enough in itself, and so I just want to put that out there, because sometimes we can put everything on our shoulders and burden ourselves with that responsibility to change everything. And just remember that this is a systemic issue and it takes multiple people speaking up, coming together, working together to create the changes that we want to see for our children and future generations. So you don't have to take it all on yourself. It's not going to change overnight, and the work that you're doing and whatever capacity that you have matters and your voice matters, and there's various ways that we can advocate, and I just wanted to share a couple things here that I think are important to keep in mind as you're approaching this for yourself and for your kids.
Speaker 1:So, one being, it can be helpful to first connect with your child about anything that feels off, anything that you feel like I need to speak up, I need to share something on behalf of my child, I need to protect them and shield them from this, and it's important to have a conversation with your child, and this is something that I have found valuable myself, as various incidences have come up in our own home. Sometimes our kids don't want us to make a big deal about it or they might feel capable of advocating for themselves, and I've seen this more true as children get older, as they move into high school, let's say, and have built those critical thinking skills where they might feel more comfortable and confident Having a direct conversation with their teacher or maybe, and saying you know what? I don't feel comfortable doing? This food tracking assignment, is it OK if I have a different assignment, can I do something else? And said, sometimes our kids might feel comfortable and capable of doing that themselves, and we want to honor also what our kids are capable of doing and not just kind of override them in the process of trying to advocate.
Speaker 1:So I think starting with our child and having a conversation leading with curiosity and understanding how is this affecting them? What do they need from me? And that's often a question that I suggest is asking your child if they are able to compute that question Like what would be helpful for you in this situation. Sometimes they don't know and sometimes they do, and this really depends on the age and temperament of your child, but again, something to keep in mind. The other thing here about having a conversation with our children is to understand what meaning they are assigning to the various forms of diet culture that may be coming up for them, because oftentimes what I see especially if you are a parent in eating disorder recovery, if you are working on healing your relationship with food you may have different meanings to experiences that your child is going through because of your past experiences. So it's really easy to assign the same meaning that we have to things that our kids are going through when they might not have the same meaning attached to it.
Speaker 1:Having clarifying conversations with our children, no matter what their age, can be so insightful and so helpful to gauge where they're at and how they're being impacted by some of these things, and this is where I really believe those critical thinking skills can start to develop. And this is why I say it's important to just be aware of your reaction. How are you reacting when your child's telling you about different things that they heard in school or heard from their coach or teacher? Because we don't want to stifle their space and we don't want to project our reactions and our meanings on them without having an opportunity to delve into it with more curiosity with them.
Speaker 1:So, as an example of this, one of my daughters was asking me if apples were healthy, and it kind of came out of nowhere and I was just like, oh, that's an interesting question. And she was in the kitchen and I was in the kitchen and she was just like, mom, or apples healthy for you? And I, of course, was caught a little off guard but just was like hmm, that's a really interesting question. And the first thing I asked her I said where did you hear that word from? I'm just curious. And she was like, oh, I heard the teacher saying in school that we should eat our healthier foods. And I just asked her. I said you know, healthy is a really interesting word. What do you think the word healthy means? And she kind of thought about it for a while and didn't really have a whole lot to say and I just asked her. I said you know what, if someone was allergic to apples, do you think it would be healthy for them to eat apples? And she was like thinking about it. I'm like no, definitely not.
Speaker 1:And I was like, yeah, healthy means different things to different people and there's so many different things that our bodies need in order to be functional, be strong, to be able to live our lives and enjoy our lives, and food is just one small piece of that. And the message I was ultimately trying to reinforce in that conversation with her is that she's safe to eat a variety of different foods and the best teller of what her body needs is her body, and being able to listen to our body helps us know what our bodies need and when we can tune into our body's cues. That is our best guide, and so reinforcing that message that your body is safe, all foods are safe can really help counter some of the other diet culture messaging that's happening out there. But it was a good conversation and it was helpful to ask some open-ended questions to just understand where she was at. Again, we tend to come into these conversations with our kids with our emotions and our reactions and the meaning that we have assigned to those experiences being attached to them, and sometimes that can prevent us from really connecting to our child and just kind of evaluating how they are perceiving some of these approaches or messages, and this better helps us understand how we might need to advocate for them. So I wanted to share that.
Speaker 1:And another point under advocacy is to also keep in mind your teacher's hearts for your children. Learning to navigate diet culture and to shift away from these legacies of diet culture that are so prominent in so many people's lives is a process, and when we can come into this advocacy space with compassion for other people and for the journeys that they might be on, it allows us to better connect and to better voice what we might need and how we might need help. And this is something that I have learned myself that when I can come into these conversations not from a place of anger I mean, yes, anger towards diet culture, but not towards the people that are stuck in diet culture and that perspective shift has really helped me and allowed me to better advocate for my children in situations where I felt like they were being affected in some way by an approach to food that was rooted in diet culture, and you may have heard this approach. It's called different things. I've heard it called the sandwich approach or the Oreo approach, but basically it's a technique to conversations where, when you're communicating about something maybe that's challenging or something difficult, maybe something that you need, you are layering it with gratitude and compassion on both ends. So it's like you're starting the conversation with gratitude, you're expressing what you need or what's concerning to you, and then you're sandwiching, ending it with gratitude and compassion. And I have found that approach to be so helpful with teachers especially who are being so overworked and underpaid, that when we can have those conversations and just say you know, I'm aware that this came up, but I just want to recognize how hard you're working to help our kids. I know that you are such an amazing teacher. I see how you connect with them. When we can lead with that, it makes it easier to advocate and ask for what we need.
Speaker 1:I have also found that in person communication can be so much more effective than an email or a phone call. Sometimes it's hard to read someone's tone in a phone call or email, especially right where you're just reading and you're not hearing the tone behind it and there can be room for misinterpretation or miscommunication, and so I have found that just being able to connect with someone in person and just being concise, also just being gracious and compassionate, can go such a long way, and usually, when I frame it from a sense of this is what we are working on towards a family, and we could so use your help in this way. When so and so is here at school with you, it is better received. And for me, from my point of view, this is something that I have shared with my children's teachers before when there was concerning things coming up, just sharing a little personal bit about my own journey, and it can be as much or as little as you feel comfortable with, but something I've shared before is, you know, we have this family history of eating disorders, and I just so want my child to be able to have confidence in her body and have a good relationship with food and not worry about having this or that, and so one thing we're working on is keeping all foods neutral and just really trusting her to eat the things that she needs or wants from the things that we're sending her and this approach has worked so well for her and we would love if we can continue this at school and coming from that, lens I have always felt has been so well received, and sometimes it might be necessary to go beyond the teacher, and that's also something to keep in mind too. Some things might need more intervention, but it can always be helpful to start where it's happening and to come at it just with compassion, knowing that our anger and our frustration is towards diet, culture and the system, not the people who are part of it. So I just wanted to share those tips for you to consider when you're thinking about advocacy and how to help your child do this.
Speaker 1:The last thing I want to share with you today, the last A here, is just to continue to affirm your child and the things that you are working on together at home and the values that you hold true as a family, and ultimately, this is what will help cultivate the foundation that your child needs to be confident in their body, to be an intuitive eater, to have a positive relationship with food and their bodies is when the foundation that they're standing on is what is their truth and everything that is contradictory to that is what is false, and they can identify that, they can see the difference, they can understand the contrast and know what is their truth and what shouldn't be part of their lives. And that can happen when we continue to affirm what is true in our homes and the messages that we want our children to internalize. I think I've shared this before, but some of the prominent messages or messaging of diet culture centers around food being unsafe, these being wrong and not being able to trust our bodies, and this is what causes most people to look outside themselves. When you feel like my body is not safe, or I can't trust my body, or I can't eat this or I can't eat that, starting to dissociate from your body and rely on external rules to help you navigate the world because it can feel so overwhelming and chaotic. But of course, we know that that is not a solution and knowing that that is at the core of diet culture messages, we can understand, then, what our children need to constantly hear affirmed from us in our own homes, and that centers around body trust and helping our kids understand like you are the best expert of your body, you can trust your body, you can listen to your body. I trust you to listen to your body. All foods are good, all foods are safe.
Speaker 1:This kind of messaging over time eventually becomes part of our children's vernacular, becomes part of who they are, becomes part of their truth, and these are things that we can be consistent with over time and when we think about that, it can help us better withstand the different forms that diet culture will show up in the school settings or just in the world. Right Like this is beyond school itself, because our kids are going to encounter it in various shapes and forms, and the more they can hear these truths from us and we are affirming those things, those are the things that they will internalize and anything that is contrary to that will feel false to them. They'll be able to call it out and recognize like, hey, that's not true, because this is what I grew up believing, this is what I know is my truth, so I wanted to leave you with that. I hope this was helpful for you. I know there's a lot of different aspects connected to this. There's a lot of nuance to this topic.
Speaker 1:So if you have any feedback or if you've encountered diet culture with your child at school or you have found certain approaches or things to be helpful for you, please feel free to connect with me and let me know. I would love to hear from you. Lastly, be sure to check the show notes for some resources. I will put a link to that lunchbox card. I also have some colleagues that have written a beautiful letter that can help you advocate for your child.
Speaker 1:If you feel like health curriculum is strongly rooted in diet culture and you want to say something but aren't sure what to say or how to advocate for your child, this can be an amazing place to start. So I will put links to those things in the show notes for you and hope that these resources can be helpful. Thank you, as always, for spending this time with me and just being part of this community. I so appreciate you and cannot wait to see you again next week. Thank you for listening to this week's episode of the Lift the Shame podcast. For more tips and guidance on your motherhood journey, come connect with me on Instagram at CrystalCarGays. Until next week, mama, I'll be cheering you on. Bye for now.