Eyewitness to Therapy
I am a Gestalt psychologist and therapist. In this podcast, I conduct real-life therapy sessions with individuals who volunteer to experience a taste of Gestalt therapy. The purpose of Gestalt therapy is to transform your experience of living, helping you to clear up the situations and emotions you are currently dealing with.
Eyewitness to Therapy
Achieving Balance: Navigating Work, Parenting, and Relationships
Send me a text message to let me know how you feel about this episode.
Feeling overwhelmed by the constant juggle of work, parenting, and relationship maintenance? You're not alone. Master the essential skills to achieve a balanced life with our latest episode on Eyewitness to Therapy. Join us as our courageous guest shares their heartfelt struggles in managing these overlapping roles and the emotional toll it takes, leading to feelings of failure and eventual shutdown. We'll provide actionable coping strategies to regain control and improve your work-life balance.
Ever felt the pressure of meeting your partner's expectations around household tasks? Discover how our guest navigates the emotional impact of these differing standards. We highlight the importance of honoring your own methods while fostering open dialogue to understand each other's perspectives better. This chapter sheds light on the mental fatigue that comes from managing these dynamics, especially with young children, and emphasizes the necessity of taking risks in expressing oneself to foster mutual understanding.
Tired of the habitual avoidance that leaves tasks unfinished and overwhelming? Learn how to break free from the cycle of procrastination with mindful action and awareness. Our guest shares insights on addressing tasks one at a time and embracing natural priorities to guide actions. As we close, we encourage a positive outlook, urging listeners to engage in reflective conversations that can offer personal insights and growth. Tune in for a transformative discussion that promises to help you achieve a more fulfilling and organized life.
Hello and welcome to the Eyewitness to Therapy, the one-of-a-kind podcast that focuses on a real-life therapy situation.
Speaker 2:I'm your host, court Curtis, psychologist and therapist, passionate about bringing you into an immersive experience of self-awareness through therapy. In each episode, we dive deep into the struggles our guests face and guide them on a journey of self-discovery and resolution. As your dedicated therapist, my purpose is to create a safe space where you can openly share and address your issues. We'll explore the power of the present moment in resolving your concerns, knowing that the past is completely over and the future is never yet. The past is completely over and the future is never yet. The key to healing lies in awareness, in being witness to your consciousness, and that's precisely what we'll uncover together in every episode of Eyewitness to Therapy. So join us as we navigate the transformative power of therapy and self-awareness. Welcome to another episode of Eyewitness to Therapy.
Speaker 2:Every individual that I interview in this podcast has volunteered to participate in a one-time therapy session, and so I'm happy to welcome a new guest today. This is the first time we have ever met, so I know virtually nothing about this person other than from a very brief questionnaire that they filled out prior to this meeting. Every guest's identity is anonymous. All therapy is centered around the guest's issues and goals. Whatever they bring forth into the session becomes the focus of our conversation, and my goal is to be helpful in the best way I can. Gestalt therapy is all about living in the moment, and that is exactly where we start each session. I ask my guests to take a moment and allow a word or short phrase to bubble up in consciousness that simply names their here and now experience. And then I have them expound on that word what that word says of them, about them or about anything. And then I ask that they declare an intention for the session. An intention can be anything, such as what they hope to gain from the session or want help with. Declaring an intention from the outset helps frame our conversation and also serves to create a purpose and goal for our session. And then, lastly, we end each session the way we begin, with just a word that names their here and now experience.
Speaker 2:As we come to the close of our conversation, as well as a few words about how they feel about our session. Is there a takeaway, an insight or realization that they gained from our meeting together? That's the question. So come along with us as we step into this journey of exploration. Where the conversation goes, nobody knows, but that's also the excitement of therapy a step into the unknown of possibilities. So, without further ado, let's welcome our new guest, all right? Well, good afternoon and welcome to our conversation here today.
Speaker 2:Just to lay a little groundwork for our conversation today. This is the first time we've ever met and I really don't know anything about you, and you probably don't know anything about me, except for the little bit that you shared in the questionnaire that you filled out a little while ago. So what is the purpose of today is really to create a space for you to bring forth anything that you might want to address here in this therapy session, and so that's completely open to do that. What I would invite you to do is to take a moment to reflect on your inner state, your emotional state. Let's say, right now take a moment to reflect on your inner state, your emotional state. Let's say right now, as we're sitting here, or that you're coming into the meeting with and speak, just one word. What's one word or short phrase that simply names?
Speaker 1:your inner state Overwhelmed.
Speaker 2:Overwhelmed. Okay, all right, good, so also look and see to address this question. Okay, all right, good, so also look and see to address this question.
Speaker 1:Do I have an intention for our meeting today?
Speaker 2:An intention can be anything that you want to explore or something you might want to work on, and declaring an intention just kind of helps to frame our conversation. It gives our conversation a certain direction and purpose, I think maybe just clarity, clarity, okay, clarity, all right. What would you like to expound on this word?
Speaker 1:overwhelming, whatever this word says of you, about you or about anything, just work-life balance. I think I have two kids and just between that and work and my relationship with my spouse, I think it's just a lot of moving parts and it gets overwhelming.
Speaker 2:Yes, a lot to juggle there to deal with. It's kind of demands or calls for your attention to deal with. Yeah.
Speaker 1:And I think what ends up happening is there's so many things going on at one time that none of the things get my full attention and then I just end up shutting down. I wish that I could say things get their own attention, but oftentimes they overlap lap. Just sometimes I don't get enough time at work to get through things and I have to take work home, but then at home I have my kids and my spouse and there's responsibilities there, and then just things end up getting sacrificed or becoming so overwhelmed that I just kind of shut down, I guess.
Speaker 2:So you bring work home at times, and then there's the demands of your children, demands of your husband, and then other household chores as well.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:Okay, and so you're trying to deal with all these things at the same time.
Speaker 1:Yes actually.
Speaker 2:Oh, okay, all right.
Speaker 1:Not coping very well. Like I said, I think I shut down a lot. I feel I give up. I guess I feel like I'm failing at certain things and then I just give up and it just creates frustration and overwhelming feeling.
Speaker 2:Okay, so you shut down. You're saying, yeah, you tend to shut down. And then you well, what do you actually do when you shut down? I'm curious what's observable about you when you shut down?
Speaker 1:I stress out I guess. But in shutting down, I stress out I guess. But in shutting down, like I procrastinate with like a deadline for work or if something needs to get done around the house, I'm like, well, I'll just get it tomorrow instead of tonight, when I said I was going to get it done, and I just think that you know, pushing things off just create more overwhelming for the following day, because things are going to get crazy on their own for the following day, so you're feeling overwhelmed.
Speaker 2:There's a lot going on in your home situation. You bring work home, so there's a lot of things calling for your attention, and so, instead of attending to any of these things, you simply shut down.
Speaker 1:It just seems so overwhelming that I feel like I just shut down, like I'll start reading a book instead of getting stuff done, like I just want to, you know, sit on the couch and read instead of going through the stuff that needs to get done.
Speaker 2:Well, how do you feel about reading? When you're reading, is that something that you enjoy?
Speaker 1:It is I do, I feel like I escape, but then reality strikes when you put the book down and you're like OK, well, I just wasted an hour reading and I still have all of these things to do.
Speaker 2:So you feel that reading is a waste?
Speaker 1:Not necessarily wasting my time reading, but wasting the time that could be spent getting the things accomplished. That needed to get done seemed overwhelming. Instead of pushing it off and then being even more overwhelmed, I feel like it's just trying to catch up.
Speaker 2:Can you recall the last time that that occurred?
Speaker 1:Last night, I think it's always. There's always something.
Speaker 2:Okay. So last night you experienced that. What you're saying here, all right. So last night you resorted to reading and, in that reading, putting things off. You resorted to reading and, in that reading, putting things off, and then you eventually put the book down to deal with these other things. And do you actually deal with these other things?
Speaker 1:I get some of the things done but not all. And then today I had to play catch up with some things. But because I was doing the things I could have done yesterday, I've now fallen behind today, which is probably going to push it off into tomorrow. Some are have to, some are need to and some are want to, and the want to doesn't necessarily cause the feelings of being overwhelmed because they're want, but it's the need and have to ones do you eventually catch up?
Speaker 1:I don't feel like I ever catch up, honestly, because there's always something else that happens that needs to be done right, well, well, I call that human existence.
Speaker 2:I mean, that's our daily life in terms of dealing with the stuff that we need to deal with in our life. But I mean, it sounds like your experience of all this is that it's overwhelming and that you view yourself as putting things off and then having to catch up and deal with things, and then the next thing comes up to deal with, and it's constant.
Speaker 1:Yes, and I feel like I'm always thinking of things in priorities, like which one is a higher priority, and maybe my classification of what's a priority is not always what's most beneficial. That was more beneficial.
Speaker 2:Oh, your husband doesn't agree.
Speaker 1:Correct Cleaning the kitchen up after a meal, doing something else first and then cleaning it up later, or, instead of emptying the dishwasher, just using stuff out of the dishwasher?
Speaker 2:So your husband has expectations of you.
Speaker 1:Yes. How you should kind of deal with things or how to prioritize things, that you should prioritize certain things that he expects you to prioritize, I think sometimes I don't think he sees things as important as I see them as important, so then that sets off separate expectations, because he's expecting something that I'm not expecting.
Speaker 2:Okay. In any relationship there's different expectations or priorities that each person might make in a certain situation. How do you tend to deal with those differences with your husband?
Speaker 1:Unfortunately and I know this is horrible I kind of ignore things. I kind of ignore things, I compartmentalize, I put it in a box and I just go on autopilot. I guess I don't necessarily always communicate well with him when I know that he's expecting something and telling him that I'm not going to be able to do it. I feel like he should just understand that life happens versus the way that he wants to be involved with everything or know about these things and I'm like why do you need to be notified of it?
Speaker 1:you need me to tell you a list of things that I failed at getting to today, or you need me to tell you all these things that I can't do today. Like it just seemed superfluous, I guess. And he just needs to be aware of things, because if he comes down in the morning and expects the dishwasher to be empty and he goes to put something in there and it's not empty, then he feels the need to empty it and that takes out from his day and I don't understand why he can't just leave it and get it later. And I can get it later, okay, and I can get it later, okay. Why do I have to tell him hey, I didn't get to this today, don't worry about it, I'll get to it tomorrow, I see.
Speaker 2:Okay, how do you feel about that? How do you feel when you observe these kinds of things going on?
Speaker 1:I get annoyed and frustrated. Annoyed, okay. And then I like internalize and feel like I'm failing.
Speaker 2:Mm. Okay, okay, all right, I hear that Right.
Speaker 1:Nothing I do is going to be good.
Speaker 2:Okay, okay, like All right, well, this is what I'm hearing. So he has certain expectations of you how he thinks you should you know, talking about the dishwasher or the dishes, whatever and he expects you to do certain things and you have a difference in how you may want to conduct yourself in certain situations, but the end result is that you end up feeling like you're not good enough or something. Yes, yes.
Speaker 2:Organized chaos where he's like organized, organized, All right, Okay. Well, it sounds like you have a difference there. I mean, do you or can you honor your own way of organizing things? Is that something you could honor? Is that possible? I mean, your way is your way.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I do, I try to at least. I mean, we have two young kids, so that always gets a wrench in thing.
Speaker 2:Well, you're talking about something that goes on between you and your husband in terms of I guess I'm hearing conflicting expectations and that. Well, let me ask you this Is there anything that you would like to communicate to your husband?
Speaker 1:if you could communicate anything to him that, I just often feel like he doesn't know what it is to be in my shoes. I don't think he processes or understands. I think he's aware, but I don't think he processes what it means. Like for him, doing X tasks could take him 10 minutes. For me, doing X tasks might take me 20 minutes. So it's different and I don't think he understands well. Why does it take you an extra 10 minutes? The point is just understand that it takes me an extra 10 minutes.
Speaker 2:I would like to propose to you right here for a moment is to if you could imagine your husband here right now or maybe imagine I'm your husband and then saying to him exactly what you just said. Would you be willing to do that?
Speaker 1:Sure, Okay, I guess I would say like I don't think you understand how different I would do. Something that might take you 10 minutes would take me 20 minutes. You say you understand it on the surface because of time, but I don't think that you really get it though. Like process it, I feel, like it's the experience of it. I don't think you experience things the same way I do. I just I don't know how to even convey that to him now.
Speaker 2:Maybe fill in the blank here. This is the way I experience things, kind of say that and see what you can clarify there in terms of how you experience things.
Speaker 1:This is the difference in how I experience thing between with what you experience thing for example, if I'm putting the dishes away and it might take you 10 minutes, I'm thinking four steps ahead, going oh well, I'm gonna make this for dinner, so why am I gonna put this away? Why don't I leave it on the counter? And then, when I leave that on the counter, I'm like, oh well, I'd actually also have to do this, and this is on the counter. So then I go and I move, move that to someplace else and it takes me 20 minutes to unload the dishwasher.
Speaker 2:Okay, well, is that doable? Do you speak this to him, and would that make a difference? I believe some kind of difference Speaking.
Speaker 1:I think it would make a difference in his term for me communicating with him on his side to communicate with him, but I feel like on my side I don't think he's still going to get that reference point. I could also just be overthinking it. He's not going to be able to understand it. Hmm.
Speaker 2:I mean, how could you?
Speaker 1:Assuming something.
Speaker 2:Right, exactly that's what I hear. Yeah, yeah, exactly yeah, mm-hmm.
Speaker 1:Just hard to change habits. I mean, we've been married for quite a while and dynamics did change when the kids came along. Just like in general.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm hearing in all this because we're talking about expectations and differences that you experience between you and your husband and I guess I'm also hearing that to me what you've been trying to do is to maybe meet his expectations, expectations when that process you're kind of abdicating your own way of doing things and trying to live up to what he thinks but never quite measuring up. Is that I? I guess I hear that well, the possibility there is kind of speaking you and how you feel about things and how you see things, kind of taking a stand for you I think that's hard for me, because then it's just mentally taxing on its own.
Speaker 1:So then I'm just so going back to the overwhelmed and mentally fatigued. It's just like there's just one other thing to add to the list. That's just overwhelming. That let me just avoid it.
Speaker 2:To actually speak to him would be another thing on the list, and so, because it's that, then why bother?
Speaker 1:Might not. Probably not going to make a difference anyway, so why bother? Yeah, I think I hear that too. It's not going to make a difference anyway, so why bother?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think I hear that too. Well, it's not going to make. Not going to make any difference anyway.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:Well, do you know that or think that?
Speaker 1:Think it.
Speaker 2:Think it Okay. How could you know that? Just assuming from past experiences with things, I guess well, how could you possibly know whether you think what you think is true? Because you think that's true, you think it's not going to make any difference and it's going to be another you know chore on the thing to do and so why bother? Because you know he's probably not going to understand this anyway, kind of thing. That's what you think, that's what you assume would occur, but you don't know that that would occur. Is that right?
Speaker 1:Correct.
Speaker 2:So how could you possibly know what would occur? Can't, hmm, yeah not like I have a crystal ball. Well, I mean, how you could know is just actually, you know, call it sometimes taking a risk, expressing yourself and finding out what comes out of that.
Speaker 1:Versus just assuming that it's not going to make any difference, and I think the problem is. For many years now I've just gotten into the habit of avoiding it, that it's second nature now to do so. It's going to take a lot of effort to change that, okay, all right.
Speaker 2:Well, what's the impact of avoiding? What is avoiding doing to you and what is it costing you to avoid?
Speaker 1:A lot. It costs a lot Mentally, physically, emotionally stressed.
Speaker 2:So that's the impact of avoiding all of what you just said there. Is it doing anything for you to avoid? Is there some gain that you get out of avoiding?
Speaker 1:I guess, other than the in the moment, time-saving or energy-saving mode, saving the 5, 10, 20-minute conversation I would have with them now, but then it costs more in avoidance and issues later on more in avoidance than issues later on.
Speaker 2:Well, if you could let go of avoiding, what possible difference might that make to you yourself, your life and your relationship?
Speaker 1:It would probably be beneficial. I would assume Logically it would be beneficial.
Speaker 2:Okay, so you can see that as a possibility would be beneficial.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Well, I mean seeing that you're doing the avoiding. Is it within the realm of possibility that you could give up avoiding or let go of avoiding?
Speaker 1:that's even possible I'm, yeah, it is and I'd like to. I just wouldn't even know where to begin or how to do that. I guess. Implement that, so how to?
Speaker 2:Well, I mean, it sounds like that's your habitual kind of way.
Speaker 1:It's easier to avoid, yet you're pointing out what it's costing you to avoid in terms of what impact, yeah, and that's the funny thing is, I know what the cost is going to be, yet I still do it. It's almost so destructive in a way.
Speaker 2:Is it possible to give up avoiding and not knowing how you're going to be?
Speaker 1:I'd like to think so, I'd like to stop avoiding. But again, I think it's like, even right now, I'm thinking, as soon as we're done talking about the nine things that I have to do, and then, when I start tackling each of those nine things, something else is going to pop up and then it's just going to go. Ok, I've got to talk to him, I'll tell him something tonight.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so that's how you're anticipating the rest of your afternoon and evening is going to be.
Speaker 1:I think that's the way it's going to be, since that's kind of how most evenings are.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:Right it Right, it's true.
Speaker 2:Because giving up avoiding leaves you open to you know, I don't know how I'm going to be, but I hear that you're kind of laying a certain supposed to or should on yourself about should be or how it's going to be or how you should be with him, and you know you'll either be open to him or not. But there's no avoiding operating here. In other words, you need not rehearse anything really. You're just giving up avoiding and seeing what occurs, seeing what opens up for you and you know, as you, rest of your day unfolds or the rest of your life unfolds, kind of thing.
Speaker 1:That's true, makes sense of thing, that's true, makes them. I think it's just catching myself when I start to fall back on old habits of avoiding.
Speaker 2:Well, I think out of this conversation, you'll certainly be more aware of that. Okay, yeah, okay, okay, there I am. I'm avoiding something. What am I avoiding right now? Okay, I'm avoiding something.
Speaker 2:What am I avoiding right now? Okay, I'm avoiding something, but the fact that you're aware can at least open up a greater choicefulness in how you choose to respond in a certain situation. You may speak some of these things we're talking about with your husband, or you may not, but avoiding is just not operating. You're just kind of dealing with things as they come along.
Speaker 1:Yeah, lead stuff along and more stuff just getting put in the path and you can't keep up path and you can't keep up.
Speaker 2:Yeah, the way you describe your situation is you experience yourself kind of well putting off things right and yeah, I guess I hear there's an habitual dynamic of avoiding operating in your situation. Avoiding there's a lot to deal with, but the habitual thing is just to avoid it all or avoid, you know, anything that I have to do or whatever.
Speaker 1:I think it's only when it gets to a point where I'm too overwhelmed about things, then that happens. If I'm not super overwhelmed about things, then that happens. If I'm not super overwhelmed, then things will get done and there's no avoidance and it'll feel doable, kind of like if you're in a boat and the boat is taking on water and you've got a small cup versus a bucket. If you have a bucket, you feel, okay, I might be able to get ahead of this, but if you have a small cup, you're like, no matter what I do, I'm not going to be able to get ahead of it, so why even waste the energy? I feel like sometimes I'm doing fine staying afloat, I'm using that cup, but if I fall a little bit behind, there's no catching up.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean, catching up is kind of ongoing anyway, especially when it comes to household stuff and children, if you're always catching up, but maybe they're not always in the kind of timing that you think could.
Speaker 1:Or without the amount of unneeded stress and frustration put upon it.
Speaker 2:Could have been avoided. So you end up going back and thinking well, if I would have just handled it back, then I wouldn't have to handle it now. Right, does any other time, but now exist anyway.
Speaker 1:No, I guess not, can't go backwards.
Speaker 2:Right. I mean, there are a million things, when we look back on our past, that we could have done or should have done, but we didn't. And so all I have right now is what's right in front of me to do what I need to do, because eventually I do what I do. You kind of overwhelm yourself with all these thoughts about how I could have done this or how I should have done. Is that true?
Speaker 1:Sometimes, yeah, I do that sometimes.
Speaker 2:If only I'd done this yesterday. I wouldn't have to do it today.
Speaker 1:Or if I hadn't got sidetracked by the revenue, I would have gotten this done and this wouldn't have happened. I wouldn't be under such a time crunch now because this has a deadline and this has a deadline.
Speaker 2:Right, can you? I mean when it comes to our daily life, basically, I hear there are things that kind of get overlapped with you. But I mean, is it not true that we can really only deal with one thing at a time?
Speaker 1:Not sure I understand Well with certain mobile technology.
Speaker 2:Well, okay, so there's an array of activities or tasks that are right in front of me that I need to do. Let's say but you know, as far as handling all of these things, I can really only do one of these at a time. Is that true?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I guess it is.
Speaker 2:I know that in today's day and age we call multitask, but multitasking is trying to do two things at the same time.
Speaker 1:Isn't it?
Speaker 2:But you know, I can really only do one of those things at a time, Isn't?
Speaker 1:it time. Instead of looking at some individually the things I have to get done, I look at it and I'm like, okay, let me get these two things done. Then I'll pick up two other things I look at. Oh my gosh, I've got 10 things to do. This is so overwhelming. There's so much.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah. Well, I hear all that is that that's your internal conversation. I've got so much to do, but, you know, when it comes down to doing it all, I mean, is it not true that you can only do one thing at a time with what's right in front of you, because there are certain things are right in front of you to do? Is that true?
Speaker 2:Yes in front of you to do. Is that true? Yes, I mean, whatever that is, it's just right there to do, and then you do what's right in front of you and do that, and then the next thing to do will kind of show up in terms of time to focus on that look too much into a big picture and then I get almost like if you're going on a roller coaster ride, you psych yourself out by looking at the ride instead of just sitting on it and doing the roller coaster right, yeah, that makes perfect sense sense.
Speaker 2:So how does that relate to your everyday life?
Speaker 1:I think I set myself up to get overwhelmed because instead of just getting things done, I look at everything and then I kind of put I sabotage myself. I guess I put barriers in the way or feelings in the way and then that causes me to not be successful in getting things done for the day, because I've kind of done it to myself. It's not necessarily the tasks or how many tasks, but me putting new stressors on it.
Speaker 2:Uh-huh, okay, so how do you put these stressors on it? What do you notice? How you do that inwardly or thought-wise.
Speaker 1:What do you notice? How you do that inwardly or thought-wise. I kind of think it just happens without me even realizing it, unless I stop and, like truly think about it.
Speaker 2:I think it just happens, gotcha. So how do I hear that? Okay, so it's kind of like you experience it all as kind of there's so many things to do. It's just kind of a big ball of things and you start thinking of all the things there is to do and then you get overwhelmed because you're thinking of all the things you need to do, okay, all right. Well, I know we could probably take this apart even further, but we are coming to the end of our meeting here, so let's come back to this present moment and what word or phrase might name your here and now experience coming to a close. And then a few words. Just how do I feel about this conversation we just had? Is there anything that I take from this conversation at all? Any insight, realization or anything?
Speaker 1:I think I'm feeling definitely less overwhelmed. It clarified for me that it's not the tasks themselves or the day that's not doable. I'm attributing things or emotions or feelings to these tests that don't necessarily need to be there and I'm sabotaging myself, I guess. But I think that it's helped me realize that I am doing that to myself. If I try to organize my thought process a little bit better and just take things as they come and do the task, then it can get done.
Speaker 2:Yeah, kind of take things as they come, awesome, and things you know to have kind of a natural priority too, because what's the highest priority will be you know what that is It'll be what's right there, right, all right, well, good, all right, well, great, well, yeah, we'll go forth then and see what unfolds for you out of this and been good to speak with you and get to know you a little bit here, and I wish you well and good things.
Speaker 1:Thank you.
Speaker 2:All right, take care, bye-bye, bye. Thank you for listening to this edition of Eyewitness to Therapy. If you, the listener, desire to be interviewed in a similar fashion as this one, feel free to contact me at courtcurtis at yahoocom. Peace, love and presence.
