Eyewitness to Therapy
I am a Gestalt psychologist and therapist. In this podcast, I conduct real-life therapy sessions with individuals who volunteer to experience a taste of Gestalt therapy. The purpose of Gestalt therapy is to transform your experience of living, helping you to clear up the situations and emotions you are currently dealing with.
Eyewitness to Therapy
From Worry to Wisdom: A Parenting Insight
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What happens when worry becomes an unwelcome lifelong companion? Our guest courageously shares their personal journey of battling worry amidst life's joys and challenges, offering a glimpse into their persistent quest for understanding and effective coping mechanisms. By exploring the intricate dance between stress, control, and worry, this episode promises to unveil strategies that could open new pathways to serenity as we age.
We also shine a spotlight on the dynamic world of parental worry. Join us as we explore a mother's constant concern for her college-aged daughter, which starkly contrasts with her husband’s more relaxed demeanor. Through their story, we unravel the compulsive nature of worry and its profound psychological and physical impacts, offering listeners insights into managing these overwhelming emotions.
Finally, the power of self-awareness and positive affirmations takes center stage in our conversation. Our guest reflects on their therapeutic journey, highlighting the significance of self-talk and the vital role support systems play in alleviating anxiety. With newfound strategies in hand, they leave the session feeling empowered and hopeful for a future less burdened by worry. Tune in to witness the transformative potential of therapy and find inspiration in the shared insights on this path to mental well-being.
Hello and welcome to Eyewitness to Therapy, the one-of-a-kind podcast that focuses on a real-life therapy situation.
Speaker 2:I'm your host, Court Curtis, psychologist and therapist, passionate about bringing you into an immersive experience of self-awareness through therapy. In each episode, we dive deep into the struggles our guests face and guide them on a journey of self-discovery and resolution. As your dedicated therapist, my purpose is to create a safe space where you can openly share and address your issues. We'll explore the power of the present moment in resolving your concerns, knowing that the past is completely over and the future is never yet. The past is completely over and the future is never yet. The key to healing lies in awareness, in being witness to your consciousness, and that's precisely what we'll uncover together in every episode of Eyewitness to Therapy. So join us as we navigate the transformative power of therapy and self-awareness. Welcome to another episode of Eyewitness to Therapy.
Speaker 2:Every individual that I interview in this podcast has volunteered to participate in a one-time therapy session, and so I'm happy to welcome a new guest today. This is the first time we have ever met, so I know virtually nothing about this person other than from a very brief questionnaire that they filled out prior to this meeting. Every guest's identity is anonymous. All therapy is centered around the guest's issues and goals. Whatever they bring forth into the session becomes the focus of our conversation, and my goal is to be helpful in the best way I can. Gestalt therapy is all about living in the moment, and that is exactly where we start each session. I ask my guests to take a moment and allow a word or short phrase to bubble up in consciousness that simply names their here and now experience, and then I have them expound on that word, what that word says of them, about them or about anything. And then I ask that they declare an intention for the session. An intention can be anything, such as what they hope to gain from the session or want help with. Declaring an intention from the outset helps frame our conversation and also serves to create a purpose and goal for our session. And then, lastly, we end each session the way we begin, with just a word that names their here and now experience as we come to the close of our conversation, as well as a few words about how they feel about our session. Is there a takeaway, an insight or realization that they gained from our meeting together? That's the question. So come along with us as we step into this journey of exploration. Where the conversation goes, nobody knows, but that's also the excitement of therapy, a step into the unknown of possibilities.
Speaker 2:So, without further ado, let's welcome our new guest. First of all, good afternoon and welcome to our meeting today. First of all, good afternoon and welcome to our meeting today. This is the way we start. Each meeting is. Actually. What I would invite you to do right now is to reflect on yourself, your life, your situation, your relationships, your thoughts, your feelings, whatever areas of your life you engage in, and then speak one word or series of one words that name something in each of these areas and limit it to a word or short phrase, and then, after doing that, to address this question what is my intention for our session today? And that can be anything, something that you might want to gain from our meeting or focus on or address. Whatever your intention is for our meeting becomes our intention and helps to frame our conversation. So, with that, I'd like to invite you to yeah, just as you reflect on your life, to go ahead and speak a series of one words that name something in each of these areas.
Speaker 1:I will say happy, family-oriented, busy and stressed.
Speaker 2:Go ahead.
Speaker 1:And stressed yes, and I will say I tend to be really anxious, so that's one of the things that I like to learn more about how to deal with. I do different things, like I exercise. I have seen therapy before, I have been on medicine before, so anxious is always one of those things I'm looking to work on.
Speaker 2:Okay, perfect, excellent. And would you say the words again that you started with? You said stressed and.
Speaker 1:I will say happy, family-oriented stress yeah, and stress Okay.
Speaker 2:And then anxiety is what you would like to focus on today.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:All right.
Speaker 1:Very good.
Speaker 2:Would you like to expound just a little bit on this experience of anxiety, what this word says of you, about you or about anything this experience of anxiety, what this word says of you, about you or about anything?
Speaker 1:Yes, I think I'm always either stressed or trying to control things, and that will make my anxiety worse. I think I'm always worried about something. It's hard for my brain to shut down. I always try to do things that I enjoy. I try to work out, I try to do things outdoors, but it always is something that comes back right. I feel like I can control it, and then I get out of control. I can see I'm anxious the older I get. I can see my anxiety sometimes get worse.
Speaker 2:You said you worry a lot. Is that you worry and you try to control things?
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:Would you like to explore that just a little bit more here? Yes, when you look at your life, your situation, maybe try this as a little exercise. Just fill in the blank here I'm worried about, or I'm worried that size.
Speaker 1:Just fill in the blank here. I'm worried about, or I'm worried that yeah, I say that my daughter's in college. It's her second year in the University of Arkansas, so every time she leaves I get anxious, worried how she's doing. She also has anxiety and it always takes longer for her to adjust to changes. So I'm always worried how she's feeling, how she's doing and I think those are things that trigger my anxiety. So are you currently worried about?
Speaker 2:anything with her?
Speaker 1:Yes, what's your biggest worry about her that she's not feeling good, that she's missing home, that sometimes she wants to be here instead of there. So I'm always worried how is her brain of mind? Basically how she's feeling.
Speaker 2:How she's feeling, basically Okay. So you're worried about how she's feeling. Do you know anything about how she's actually feeling? Does she share with you how she actually feels?
Speaker 1:Yes, she does. So, yeah, we talk 10 times a day and whenever she's not feeling good, she call me and tell me I'm having a rough day.
Speaker 2:I don't feel good today so she shares with you her own anxiety yeah, and how she's feeling okay. Well, does that help you at all to know about what she's going through? Because it sounds like after you leave the conversation you're still worried about her.
Speaker 1:She's having her today and she's doing good, then I'm stress-free that day. But if Matt's feeling gone, she's having a hard day I get stressed about it and I start thinking what can I do? What should I change? Things like that.
Speaker 2:Okay, what can I do and what can I change about what? What can I help her? What do you say? How do you help her, or at least try to help her?
Speaker 1:I just try to talk to her. I understand. I try not to say like why? Or you have nothing to worry, Things like that you know. If he tells me what's going on, that I try to explain. If he's overwhelmed I say, well, don't worry, You're going to be fine. Last year was the same thing. But even though after we talk and she feels better, I'm always reflecting what can I do differently to help her?
Speaker 2:Okay, so what can I do differently to help her? So you feel that what you're already doing to try to help her is not sufficient?
Speaker 1:Oh no, I think it's sufficient, but I'm always trying to think if there is something I can do better to help her.
Speaker 2:What do you imagine you could do better than what you're already doing?
Speaker 1:There's anything else I can do. I guess I do feel that I do enough, but I'm still worried. It's hard for me to shut down and not to worry about it, yeah.
Speaker 2:I hear you. I hear you. That's what sounds like, almost like a compulsion compulsively worry about her. You can't relax Except when she shares with you that things are going okay, that kind of takes away your worry.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Okay, and then. So you also use the word control. So how does control show up in all this, the word control? So how does control show up in all this?
Speaker 1:Control plays that I want to know. Let's say she texts me in the morning I'm walking to class, like she texts me letting me know what's going on through her day right, if she doesn't tell me.
Speaker 1:I'm going to give you a perfect example. She called me yesterday at 7 pm. I'm finishing with my classes, I'm eating. I'll call you before I go to sleep. She never called me till this morning and I was stressed about it. I was anxious about it and I knew she probably crashed and went to sleep, but I'm still worrying Something going on. She didn't text me.
Speaker 2:Right yeah.
Speaker 1:So I cannot shut it down, even though I do think she was sleeping. And that's exactly what happened. She called me this morning. I thought, wait, and I couldn't call you. But it's just that I need to know everything that's going on to feel better. Obviously, my control in my anxiety play with each other.
Speaker 2:So what is worrying? First of all, when we say we worry about something, what are we actually doing, like, psychologically, what is worry? Can you identify what worry is?
Speaker 1:If I'm enjoying my time watching tv or something, I cannot enjoy it 100 anymore because I'm thinking what do you think I'm?
Speaker 2:thinking if is there something wrong, why had she called me? And so you start imagining. So consider what worry is.
Speaker 1:You're imagining something terrible, exactly yeah and let's tell you, six months ago, when she was driving back, she had a really bad car accident Right and she called me. And that makes it worse now because now when she drives from here to there, from there to here, I'm anxious the whole seven hours Right, worrying that something is going to happen.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And I wish I can be like my husband. He goes to sleep, shuts down and he's done for the day. He's not worried like this. He made it, oh no, he's going to make it fine, don't worry. But my personality is completely different. It's hard for me to shut down or just think, oh, everything is fine, I don't have to worry about.
Speaker 2:What is worry? What's the impact of your worry on you? What does your worrying do to you in terms of your? It stresses me, it stresses you right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it definitely stresses me and I'm sure my body feel it right. I can feel it basically because I'm stressed, I'm tense. I can tell when I'm stressed, when I'm anxious I definitely over-worry about things. That my brain is telling me Anything bad can happen.
Speaker 2:Exactly so. Do you feel any of that worry or anxiety right now, as we speak? No, no, okay. When you feel that worry and anxiety, where do you feel it in your body? Where do you feel it in your body?
Speaker 1:Okay not really to be something out of the normal for me, to feeling like in my stomach when you're anxious or stressed, but I don't feel it that way. Even I'm worried about why she hasn't called me and things like that. I really don't feel it physically, but I'm sure it's still affecting my body one way or the other because I'm worrying about things that I shouldn't worry.
Speaker 2:Exactly I got you. Well, how do you feel about being worried or feeling worried?
Speaker 1:I definitely don't like it.
Speaker 2:Okay, all right. Do you feel or believe that you need to worry?
Speaker 1:I don't think I should be worried all the time, like I just feel like once in a while it's normal but I shouldn't be worried. If she hasn't called me or if I haven't heard from her, I shouldn't be thinking that something bad is happening or something is wrong.
Speaker 2:Right, yeah. So what do you get out of worrying? What's the payoff that you get? Nothing good, nothing good at all. Okay, and so again, do you feel or believe that you need to worry?
Speaker 1:No, I don't think I should. I need to worry.
Speaker 2:Okay, so what is worrying doing for you? I hear you say it doesn't do anything for me, but what do you believe worrying does for you?
Speaker 1:Trust me, it consumes my time because I shouldn't be worried about that. Maybe I should be doing something else, enjoying my time and things like that.
Speaker 2:Um, yes, okay, all right, okay, say say these words and see how they resonate with you. I'm worrying myself I'm worrying myself.
Speaker 1:Yeah, or try worrying myself.
Speaker 2:yeah, or try this one. I'm scaring myself.
Speaker 1:I'm scaring myself, yeah.
Speaker 2:Okay and then. So I'm scaring myself. By stressing about things that are not happening, okay.
Speaker 1:My imagination yeah your imagination.
Speaker 2:Exactly that's what worry is. It reminds me of what Mark Twain said towards the end of his life. He said my whole life has been about worrying about things that never happened.
Speaker 1:Right Pinched back.
Speaker 2:So. But you would just say you don't want to worry, but yet you keep worrying. So it's almost. Do you not have a say-so about worrying at all?
Speaker 1:have a say so about worrying at all and yeah, and like I say it's not, it's like I can be good for a period of time and then it comes back to me, right.
Speaker 1:Okay, it's not constant, I can identify it and I can be like, okay, I'm going back to worrying about things, I shouldn't worry. And then I talk to myself I shouldn't be worrying about that, like that, shouldn't be stressing or thinking about it, everything is fine. So I cannot say that it's all the time, but I can see it coming back. So it's a constant fight back and forth.
Speaker 2:I hear you there. Okay, do you ever just allow yourself to worry when you worry?
Speaker 1:Yes, definitely.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean what I'm hearing you say is you worry when you worry and you don't worry when you don't worry?
Speaker 1:No, it's not that easy, okay. So yes, some days I'm worried about, like I told you, like yesterday, there's no reason for me to be worried.
Speaker 1:But you were worried yesterday yes, I was okay so, even though there's no reason to be worried, you still worry yes, yeah gotcha okay I was worried and I knew, like I told you, I told myself she probably went to sleep, she was tired and she's one of those that she can go to sleep and wake up the next day. Right, I shouldn't be worried. So then I start watching tv. I say I'm not gonna worry, I'm just gonna relax, everything's gonna be fine. And then I shut it down.
Speaker 1:I went to sleep without any issue okay but I have to tell myself right like I shouldn't be worried, everything's gonna be fine, I can go to sleep, I don't have to worry.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:But it is constant. What I'm saying is that I have to calm myself, I have to talk to myself and let me realize nothing is wrong.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:Because I don't want to be anxious, I don't want to be not sleeping good because I'm worried. So I was able to shut it down.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:What I'm trying to say is that it happens often and I have to identify it and let myself know this is. I don't have to worry.
Speaker 2:So when you tell yourself those things, do you listen to yourself?
Speaker 1:Yes. I try At least 80% of the time I don't listen to myself 80% of the time. Yes, the other 20% have to be something out of the ordinary that I have no clue what's going on. Yes, I should be worried. Maybe something is going on. But yeah, I try to do my best to stay busy, to stay positive and not to make myself overly anxious about something that I have nothing to worry about.
Speaker 2:Yeah, okay Sounds like you work with yourself. You have a work with yourself, you have a conversation with yourself in terms of just that, you don't need to worry. Or you find yourself worrying and then you tell yourself you don't need to worry and whatever else you say to you, and then that seems to take away the worry, at least for the time being. Okay, and that works for you like 80% of the time.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it does work.
Speaker 2:Okay, and and that works for you like 80% of the time. Yeah, it does work, okay, and then, but you're not worried right now. No, okay, but the situation you just described is that something that happened last night and this morning? Okay, All right, okay, you moved through your worry. You got worried, you were worried, you were worried. You went through the worry and you came to a place where you're not worried anymore.
Speaker 1:Correct.
Speaker 2:How do you feel about that Perfect?
Speaker 1:Perfect, okay, okay.
Speaker 2:Okay, it comes back to. Do you, or can you allow yourself to worry when you worry? Can you say in the moment that you worry, I'm worried, and then let yourself worry?
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:Or do you resist worrying or feel like you shouldn't worry?
Speaker 1:No, I definitely let myself worry.
Speaker 2:You let yourself worry Okay.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:Okay, all right, at least up to the point where you begin to talk to yourself and say you don't need to worry. Okay, all right, okay, okay, that sounds Okay, okay. That sounds good to me, okay.
Speaker 1:That's good to know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, really, that's what there is to do is to work with yourself and challenge your thinking a little bit there, with yourself and challenge your thinking a little bit there, because when we worry, we're simply not knowing something, but we make up in our own mind disaster or the worst of the worst. That's what worry is. Part of the process of therapy really is learning to challenge your worry into what do I call it? Learning to accept that I don't know what. I don't know Because I just don't know what's going on with her. Let's say, if it's you and my daughter, I don't know what's going on with her, but I'm imagining all of these things and maybe some of the things that I'm imagining she's going through. Maybe she's having a difficult time. It sounds like she expresses these things to you, right, her difficult times, and she looks to you for some kind of support. Would you say, yeah, yeah, that's great, that's great that she can look to you for support. It sounds like you would say you were a good listener to her.
Speaker 1:Yes, I am, I try my best.
Speaker 2:Okay, yeah, okay. Can you recall a conversation with her this morning? Yes, and before I talked to you.
Speaker 1:I was with her this morning, yes, and before I talked to you I was with her on the phone. She was calling.
Speaker 2:She called you just before we talked.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:Okay, could you just replay that conversation, what she actually said and what you said?
Speaker 1:Yes, she said because she texted me in the morning and she said, hey, we have a chat, my husband Sarah and I. She was like yesterday, I fell asleep and didn't wake up on time. I said, okay, no worries. Then normally she always calls me in the morning when she's walking to class, so I text her. Hey, I'm having help from you. She said, oh, I fell asleep again, let me get ready. So then she calls me again. I'm with my friend and we're going to go to Target. Okay, bye.
Speaker 1:And then when I was walking to the car, she calls me hey, I dropped my friend, I'm going back to my apartment and do some homework. And I said, okay, that's good. And then she said, oh, I miss you, mama. And I said, yeah, we're going to go next weekend to go see you. And she said, okay, perfect, is grandma coming? I said no, she's not going have to be a nurse for her husband this weekend. She said, okay, do you prefer for me to go? And I said, no, there's no point for you to drive seven hours. It's family weekends and daddy and I are going, so it's fine. She said, perfect. And then she was telling me what are her plans for today and for tomorrow and I said I have a call at three, I'll call you after I get off from work. She said okay, perfect, I'm going to be doing homework. You can call me, and normally we have five or seven of those conversations a day.
Speaker 2:Oh, really that many a day, huh. Yes, yes, Definitely yes.
Speaker 1:Okay, we go to sleep. She normally calls my husband and I and tells us about her day and things like that, and then during the day she calls me multiple times, tells me about her classes or she calls me with her friends and tells me what they're doing, and some days she doesn't call me at all, but then she'll text me. Some days there's zero calls. She's doing a lot of things with friends and things like that.
Speaker 1:But, we're always in contact back and forth in the morning or about classes. She will text during the day, but I don't think there is a day with zero calls or zero texts. So it's like constant. We always talk to me.
Speaker 2:Okay, and how do you feel about that? Did you do that Like that?
Speaker 1:I like it and sometimes I feel that also she needs to be a little bit independent and be so close to me. She needs, I feel like, sometimes not that it's better than her friend, but I feel like she needs to go and explore the world and not having to call me and let me know everything that is going on in her life.
Speaker 2:Basically, Okay, all right.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:But at the same time I do appreciate knowing what's going on and what she's doing.
Speaker 2:Hmm, gotcha, okay, yeah, so both are true. You would like her, you would like to see her be independent and explore her world and herself and find her way, kind of thing, and at the same time you appreciate the connection that she does look to you.
Speaker 1:Correct.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, let's see what my thoughts about that. Old is she, by the way, 19, and her first year in college. A second one, oh so well, how did how did last year go for her?
Speaker 1:last year it was worse than last year. I think she was more anxious. It took her a while to adjust to finding people that she liked. I think this year is going a lot more easy.
Speaker 2:Oh.
Speaker 1:Because she has a group of friends that she likes. Last year she was just trying to find the people that she enjoyed and getting adjusted to be living with somebody else, not having her own space, seven hours from home, but she couldn't come when time that she wanted. So I think this year is going hard. She's already adjusted. She has a good group of friends that she can spend time with. So this year has been a lot easier than last year.
Speaker 2:Gotcha, would you say. She's in the process of finding herself.
Speaker 1:Yes, I will say definitely.
Speaker 2:She's growing in that regard.
Speaker 1:Yeah, she is growing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's great. It sounds like I mean what's wanting for her. Is it's happening? That's a process anyway, where someone leaves home and finds their own way. Yeah, the other thing I view in this period is it's a transition in a child's life where the dependency on parents is still there but at the same time seeking to find their own independence, kind of thing. So you know that's a process and that will unfold, you know the way it does and you're all worried about it.
Speaker 1:Exactly, you're right.
Speaker 2:You know, again, is it a terrible thing to worry when you worry? Yeah, worry can consume us, you know, with worry kind of thing. But again it sounds first of all as a parent. You know what parent doesn't worry about their child, kind of thing.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:You know, want the best for them and want them to grow, and all that Sounds like you're in a process, too, of finding your own, let's say, new relationship with her, where you know you grow with her in a way where you're perhaps learning to trust her unfolding and trust her kind of thing. Yes, and to be aware that, again, that's what worry is, we make up all kinds of doom and gloom things in our mind that just aren't true, and part of the process is looking at the reality of things. The reality of it sounds like from what you're saying, the Mm-hmm is yeah, yeah, it's affirming, since you don't know what you don't know and and in worry you make up doom and gloom you.
Speaker 2:we start imagining the worst of the worst, but it's all made up in our own minds something we still don't know. We could easily affirm that she's fine, she's growing, and perhaps affirm well, it's great that she didn't call me right away.
Speaker 1:That's great.
Speaker 2:That's indicative that maybe she's dealing with something okay there.
Speaker 1:Yes, okay, yeah.
Speaker 2:So perhaps that could be a little affirmation for you, to simply acknowledge what would be a positive affirmation for you If you could make up a positive affirmation regarding worry.
Speaker 1:I will say to myself she's doing great. She's more independent, she's doing her own thing. So that makes me happy, right? So that makes me happy because she's growing, she's doing the things that someone her age should be doing.
Speaker 2:Would you say that again and tell me that again?
Speaker 1:That she's growing, that she's becoming independent, and then she's doing things for age. She's independent, she's growing and she's doing things for age People are supposed to do.
Speaker 2:Okay, how do you feel speaking those words?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I need to learn to tell me those things, that way I can feel, yes, she's doing what I want her to do, independent, being happy, so I can be happy about she's doing what I want her to do, being dependent, being happy, so I can be happy about it and not worry about it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that could be a new possibility for you. You've got the words because you just said them.
Speaker 1:Yes, I will remember yeah.
Speaker 2:Maybe that's part of the work, because dealing with anxiety and worry is an ongoing thing for us and it sounds like you're working with yourself, you're aware of your worry, you're aware that you worry and psychologically it sounds like you go through a moment there of telling yourself that you need not worry and then perhaps you know, you can affirm with the affirmation you just said yeah, because I take it when you say those words, your worry kind of dissipates yeah right, good, that's great.
Speaker 2:Yeah, all right, good. I just feel like a pretty good place to complete.
Speaker 1:Yes, it's good, you were good. Thank you so much.
Speaker 2:Okay, so the way we end each meeting is the way we start, with just a word that just names your here and now experience. Coming to a close of our conversation, and a few words. Just how do I feel about this meeting today? Do I take anything from this conversation? Or nothing?
Speaker 1:Yes, yes, I feel better. I felt that it's normal to worry, and it's also good for me to keep telling my thoughts so I don't overstress, and then I learn a few things I can tell to myself to make me feel better.
Speaker 2:Awesome.
Speaker 1:That's great, yes, beautiful, thank you. Thank you so much. I appreciate it.
Speaker 2:Go forth in freedom from anxiety.
Speaker 1:Yes, I will Thank you so much. I appreciate it.
Speaker 2:Very good, take care.
Speaker 1:Bye.
Speaker 2:Thank you for listening to this edition of Eyewitness to Therapy. If you, the listener, desire to be interviewed in a similar fashion as this one, feel free to contact me at courtcurtis at yahoocom. Peace, love and presence.
