When Your Parents Feel Like Strangers

When your parents are physically present but emotionally checked out, it can feel like you’re right back in childhood, waiting to be noticed. We talk with Olivia about the heartbreak of wanting engaged grandparents for her toddler, and the exhaustion of feeling like she has to “babysit” her parents instead of getting support. As the story unfolds, a familiar pattern emerges: conversations that revolve around a favored sibling, a relationship that stays polite but distant, and the gnawing sense of being left on the sidelines.

From there, we go deeper than family logistics and into the internal belief those patterns can create: “I don’t matter.” We trace it to a vivid childhood memory and name the emotions underneath it: fear, anxiety, confusion. Then we work with something practical and surprisingly immediate: noticing that this belief is a thought happening now, feeling how it lands in the body, and experimenting with letting it go for a moment. You’ll hear what shifts when the nervous system gets even a small break from negative self-talk.

We also explore expectations as a major source of stress in family relationships and parenting. “Should” thinking can turn daily life into a constant fight with reality, especially with a two-year-old and complicated parents. We end with a simple, repeatable tool for emotional regulation and self-awareness: a short sequence of questions you can say out loud when you feel triggered, overwhelmed, or ready to snap. If you’ve searched for help with emotionally unavailable parents, family favoritism, low self-esteem, or letting go of expectations, this one will land.

Subscribe for more real conversations, share this with someone who feels unseen, and leave a review to help others find the show. What’s one expectation you’re ready to release today?

For tools and techniques on awareness, forgiveness, and movement visit...

https://www.wayofawareness.com/

Transcript

Parents Who Do Not Engage

SPEAKER_03 0:00

We pick up on Olivia expressing her frustration with her parents a couple of minutes into the interview surrounding their lack of engagement with her and her child. She feels they are not interested in being grandparents and wish they would engage more with her son. So the picture I get is that your intention is to have them come up and visit and see your child and spend time with your child and they're just in their own kind of space, you're saying?

SPEAKER_00 0:32

No doubt that they came out interested in being grandparents. I always wish that they would be a little more engaged with him and more interested in playing with him and also giving me and my husband a little bit of a break so that we can relax instead of feeling like I'm watching my dad and also babysitting my parents at the same time. So that it ends up being powered instead of less.

SPEAKER_03 0:52

So you feel like you have to babysit them in a way.

SPEAKER_00 0:55

A little bit.

SPEAKER_03 0:56

So are you saying that in terms of your relationship with your parents, that's the long-standing frustration that you feel in relationship to them? Would you say?

SPEAKER_00 1:05

I never had a very close relationship with them. I have three older siblings, and they were constantly busy with all of the issues my older siblings had. So I just rip on my own independently very early on. I moved away from home, once I went to college, kind of never really went back. Um we texted fairly often, but we just don't have that close of a relationship. It's just a surface-level relationship.

SPEAKER_03 1:27

Okay. And would you say that characterizes your relationship going way back? It's always been surface. Well, what do you wish with them? If your relationship with them transformed in some way, what do you wish? What would you like to see?

SPEAKER_00 1:50

My parents are very weird people in their own way. And I guess I I wish a little more manically, I wish we were closer, I wish they expressed more interest in my life. I think when we tend to get together, instead of asking me how things are into my life, they have a tendency, especially my mom, to talk about my sister a lot and talking about what my sister's doing, what are her plans, how does my life knowing that my sister's been the golden child of the family since she was firstborn and lives to the one who can become a doctor and letting me cure cancer and medical things focus a lot on her, and some rather have a parent who could be a little more equal in their attention, pay more attention to me, be more actively involved in my life, things like that.

SPEAKER_03 2:44

More actively involved, meaning more interest? Just more interest.

SPEAKER_00 2:49

My sister got into Thai Chi. My mom pretty much immediately started trying to get into Tai Chi herself. My sister started to learn Spanish. And my mom done the dealing on started to learn Spanish. Meanwhile, like a few years ago, I started learning ant and I had no interest for either of my parents in learning any AFL, even though I'm part of hearing, OFL would be a more accessible way for us to communicate, and they had no interest in trying to learn anything.

SPEAKER_03 3:19

So it's like she seems to favor my sister over me all the time, giving my sister attention all the time. What about me feeling sometimes? How come you're not interested in what I'm interested in? Exactly. Do you share your interests with them in some ways? You do share your interests, right?

SPEAKER_00 3:38

When we because me and my husband learning, when we started learning, like I told them that we were classes, and like when we would visit them or they would visit us, like me and my husband would be practicing together, we would talk about how classes gone, and they were like, Oh, that's cool, and that was pretty much it.

SPEAKER_03 3:53

Okay. So you wish they would ask you more questions about your interest thing.

SPEAKER_00 4:08

Or in that their time and other things that I'm interested in. They just don't seem to want to. Ask me questions about how things are going.

SPEAKER_03 4:18

Just do not care. I hear you. Is

A Lifelong Pattern Of Being Overlooked

SPEAKER_03 4:20

that something that you ever thought of bringing up with them?

SPEAKER_00 4:23

Just sharing your feelings around that's sad about it, but I feel like it wouldn't end up doing anything. I feel like they wouldn't end up changing. They're the kind of people who just say that they're open to change, but they're not. And so I think even if I brought it up, it wouldn't do anything leaning well.

SPEAKER_03 4:45

So you would predict that they just wouldn't be responsive to you at all? And you ask for something there?

SPEAKER_00 4:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 4:51

So do you know that they would, or you just imagine that?

unknown 4:55

I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 4:56

I don't imagine that. I'm pretty confident that that's what would happen. And secondarily, it's a lot of emotional labor on my part to bring that up. And so I'm hesitant to bring it up and expend all that emotional labor tapping through that, only for it to maybe not have any impact at all.

SPEAKER_03 5:17

Okay. Would it make any difference to you if let's say they were sensitive to your feelings there? And let's say they I don't know, they changed perhaps.

SPEAKER_00 5:28

It would make a big difference. I didn't think it would fix anything because you have a long, complicated history, but it would definitely help. If I could get confident knowing I could open up to them about that and know that they would listen and at least try to make it seem, I would definitely feel a lot better about our relationship.

SPEAKER_03 5:43

Okay. Consider maybe that's a possibility in terms of because it sounds like this is a pattern for you and your relationship. They never seem to care about me, kind of thing. They're always talking about my sister and what she's doing and copying her and showing her, and so I kind of sense you're left on the sidelines. Yeah. Would you say? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 6:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 6:09

And

Revisiting A Childhood Moment

SPEAKER_03 6:10

that goes way back. That's that started way, way back. All right. Just curious about your sister. What's the age difference with you and your sister?

SPEAKER_01 6:18

Yeah, she's six years older than me.

SPEAKER_03 6:20

Six years older. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 6:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 6:26

When you go back there to childhood, I'm hearing you say that you've felt left out, right? Could you go back to a particular time in your childhood where you experience that actually occurring? Like a particular moment in your consciousness? Any any time spontaneously pops up in your awareness?

SPEAKER_00 6:52

Yeah. Yeah. That's a lot of examples.

SPEAKER_03 6:56

All right, then let me let me stop you just for a moment, because this is a little technique in a way. What I'd like you to do is you so you have a memory of a time? Yeah. And you're aware. Okay, good. So that's a memory. So this is like a little technique. To go back there in that memory, whatever is happening, that's like a scene, isn't it? Something happens there, and then something occurs. And then so what I'd like you to do is to go back there and describe what happens in that scene in present tense, as if it were happening now. So where am I? How old am I? Who's there? And what's said.

SPEAKER_01 7:35

Okay. So I am probably somewhere around seven or eight.

SPEAKER_00 7:41

We just finished Jim. Me and my siblings were all in gymnastics. We finished gymnastics, and my sister did sacred night swimming, but they're all in the same complex. But so essentially, me and my three older siblings, all of us are together. We all just finished that narrative activity. And I am finishing getting ready in the left room, getting back into my normal clothes, and then I may be dumb outside so that my mom can pick me up at the front of the building, and no one's there. My mom isn't there. I look around the party, don't see her car, and I'm sleeping out because I have no idea what's new. And so I just wait there for probably 10 minutes or stop, and eventually she comes back and it's her and I reel the two lines of the car and she completely forgot me. And that's me.

SPEAKER_03 8:37

Seven years old, okay. And then so when you go back to that seven-year-old that you're describing here, can you describe feelings that she's feeling in that moment? And look and see, because sometimes out of certain experiences of our past, we make decisions about ourselves in terms of what's possible or something about ourselves. And so look and see. Can you identify the feeling that this seven or eight-year-old young person was feeling?

SPEAKER_00 9:11

I definitely felt scared and anxious and confused. Um, I just didn't know what was going on or what I was supposed to do in that scenario.

SPEAKER_03 9:24

Okay. So scared, anxious, and confused, right? This is one scene you're saying out of many you could describe, right? Maybe a scene going back even further.

SPEAKER_00 9:36

I can't think of anything going back further, but that's because I have a terrible memory of my childhood.

SPEAKER_03 9:41

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 9:41

I can think of things that happened when I was older, but I can't think of anything off the top of my head that happened earlier.

SPEAKER_03 9:48

Sometimes there are originals that create our conditioning for our future selves. So when you go back to this uh seven-year-old child, can you identify any decision that she might have made about herself or about life? Anything? What she might have decided.

SPEAKER_00 10:11

If anything, it would have done that I didn't matter. At least it didn't

The Belief: I Do Not Matter

SPEAKER_00 10:15

matter as much as my siblings did.

SPEAKER_03 10:17

Okay. Okay, I didn't matter. All right. And so that that sounds a little bit like that expresses kind of things you experience in relationship to your parents, right?

SPEAKER_01 10:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 10:31

Yeah, it's like, okay, I don't matter. Okay. And is that when you reflect on that thought, and that's a thought, isn't it?

SPEAKER_01 10:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 10:41

I don't matter. Something that you uh learned to tell yourself. True?

SPEAKER_01 10:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 10:49

You actually spoke those words to yourself. Uh I guess this means I don't matter.

SPEAKER_01 10:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 10:54

I don't matter. Okay. And so that's what I hear is that this represents a decision or an image that you developed about yourself that uh you carry. I don't matter. Yeah, that's definitely true. Can you see that playing out in other areas too? Like in relationships or work or anything like that?

SPEAKER_00 11:19

Yeah, I think so. Not some of this necessarily objection. I some of it might be that in my relationship with my husband, for instance, like something didn't go exactly how I wanted it to go. That's why I say straight that don't matter in this situation. And and definitely that might not be the case, it might just be like things happen. Um, but I think I have a tendency to just be like what I want in this situation doesn't matter, or I don't matter when it comes to expire, Z.

SPEAKER_03 11:49

Yes, gotcha. Okay. Can you see that first of all, I don't matter is a thought. And that's something that you tell yourself?

SPEAKER_01 12:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 12:01

You actually say those words to yourself, do you not?

SPEAKER_01 12:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 12:04

I don't matter. You can recall or hear yourself say those words at certain times, right? I don't matter. I don't matter. When you're alone in your own experience, I don't matter. Maybe that's part of what you told yourself when your parents were here. I don't matter. So that's become a decision that you made about yourself. That's a thought. When you look at that thought, what's the impact of that thought on yourself in your life? Just having that thought, I don't matter.

SPEAKER_00 12:36

I think it definitely does not help my mental life at all. It makes um, you know, it makes me feel depressed for sure. It makes me feel like it's okay to hit my self-confidence and stuff like that to feel like I'm I guess not on the same level as everyone else.

SPEAKER_03 12:53

Okay. I hear that. So that's what it does to you. Um so what would you say it costs you then? What does it cost you to have this thought?

SPEAKER_00 13:04

I guess happiness.

SPEAKER_03 13:05

Happiness. Yeah. Okay, happiness. And you said something about self-confidence too, right? Yes, yeah. Happy.

SPEAKER_00 13:10

If I didn't have all that negative self-talk, I would probably be a much happier and more confident person.

SPEAKER_03 13:15

That's pretty obvious, isn't it? Does maintaining this thought do anything for you? Is there any payoff that you get out of maintaining this thought? No. Not none at all. And so if you could let this thought go, you'd be a happier human being? Yeah, for sure. And that would be desirable? Definitely definitely desirable to be a happier human being. So who's producing this thought?

SPEAKER_00 13:49

Because I've been in so many experiences that had to cement that idea, but I just hold on to that because of those experiences.

SPEAKER_03 13:58

Yeah. You engage in a number of experiences that serve to cement it, right? Yeah. You get to justify it. That becomes a continuous meaning that you attach to certain events, like Yeah, I don't matter. But you're you're say who is producing this thought? You're producing this? Yes. Oh, you can see that? Yeah. Okay. You're the speaker of this thought. Seeing that you're the speaker of this thought. Out of all things that are possible, is it within the realm of possibility that you could let this thought go?

SPEAKER_00 14:35

I don't know, but I definitely could work on it.

SPEAKER_03 14:38

It's at least possible.

SPEAKER_00 14:39

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 14:40

To let it go, you're saying. Yeah. So when you consider that it's possible, do you notice any fear or resistance to letting it go?

SPEAKER_00 14:49

It's a little bit not quite resistant, but in terms of I don't even know how I would do that.

SPEAKER_03 14:57

You don't know how you would do it.

SPEAKER_00 14:58

Yeah, I don't know what how I would do it. And so I'd feel like I I don't know how they do it. And I think maybe there's a little resistance in terms I I'm worried about how much work it would take to let go of that. And with the time or energy to work on letting go of this stuff.

SPEAKER_03 15:15

Oh, you mean that really takes a lot of work to let go of something?

SPEAKER_00 15:18

I'd be worried about, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 15:19

Oh, okay. Is that true? If you're holding something in your hand, would it take a lot of work to let it go?

SPEAKER_01 15:25

No.

SPEAKER_03 15:26

It wouldn't take a lot of work. It would just be like that. Okay. So what are you saying would be the work in letting go of this?

SPEAKER_00 15:35

I guess it wouldn't be how do I stop myself from doing it? And then what do I do in situations where I have everybody done it? I've already had that thought. I don't matter. What do I do? And then what happens if I keep trying to let go on that thought and it doesn't work and I can't make it work? And for that anxiety that comes with it, I'm what if I can't do it? Even though I know it's taxable and I just can't get my brain to let go of that.

SPEAKER_03 16:05

Okay. So sounds like the only resistance you have is feeling like, how could I even do that or I can't do it?

SPEAKER_01 16:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 16:13

I just don't know how to do it.

SPEAKER_01 16:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 16:15

But if you if you did know how to do it, you'd do it.

SPEAKER_01 16:18

Yeah, at least try for sure.

SPEAKER_03 16:20

Okay. Let me ask you this question. Does any other time but now exist? No, this is it, right? As you and I are sitting here having this conversation. The past is completely over, is it not?

SPEAKER_00 16:34

Yeah, it's completely over.

SPEAKER_03 16:35

Everything's over. This morning's over, five minutes ago is over,

Only Now Exists: Let It Go

SPEAKER_03 16:40

it's all over, right? Does the future exist?

SPEAKER_01 16:45

In theory.

SPEAKER_03 16:47

The theory. Does it exist?

SPEAKER_01 16:51

It does. Something that will happen. It doesn't exist currently.

SPEAKER_03 16:58

Well, could you tell me when we've arrived in the future?

SPEAKER_01 17:02

We haven't. Yeah. And if you look at it from that perspective, no, the future doesn't exist.

SPEAKER_03 17:11

Because it can't be a big when we arrive in what we call the future, let's say tomorrow. If we were having this conversation yesterday and wondering what's going to happen tomorrow.

unknown 17:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 17:25

So this moment, as you and I are sitting here, is really the only time that exists. True?

SPEAKER_01 17:30

Yeah, that's true.

SPEAKER_03 17:31

Okay. This is it. Okay. So I want to just invite you to look and see for a moment. Is that thought I don't matter? Is it there or is it gone in this moment? Just this moment.

SPEAKER_01 17:46

In this moment it's anything there because we're talking about it instead of there.

SPEAKER_03 17:51

It's there. You see it? You hear it?

SPEAKER_01 17:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 17:55

Okay. Are you so you're saying to yourself I don't matter right now?

SPEAKER_00 17:59

I feel it, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 18:01

You feel it.

SPEAKER_00 18:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 18:02

Well, you feel the effect of you saying that to you. So in this moment, you're aware of that thought.

SPEAKER_00 18:09

Yeah. And if I'm I'm necessarily unnecessarily aware of it in every moment, though.

SPEAKER_03 18:15

There isn't there is no other moment, is there, than this one?

SPEAKER_00 18:18

Sure.

SPEAKER_03 18:19

Is that true? Yeah, that's true. So if you could let go of it in this moment, and let's say just for the moment, would that be desirable? Yeah, yeah. So you're open to that? So you're open to letting this go?

unknown 18:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 18:32

I want to invite you, maybe just close your eyes for a few moments here.

SPEAKER_01 18:36

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 18:37

And take a moment to just connect with that thought. You might silently say that thought. I don't matter.

SPEAKER_01 18:47

I don't matter. Yeah.

unknown 18:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 18:52

Yeah. And say it to yourself a couple more times just to hear yourself.

SPEAKER_00 18:57

It doesn't matter. I don't matter. I don't matter.

unknown 19:02

Alright.

SPEAKER_03 19:03

Okay. Alright, good. So now just you take a moment to see w w without trying to figure out how.

SPEAKER_01 19:14

Would you be willing to just go ahead and say if you could let that go just for now? That's not okay. Is it gone? Yeah. It's gone. Okay. I feel less tense. Less tense? Yeah, less tense. I I could think what if I want to think about something else and I don't feel as much tension in my body. Okay. Very good. Cool. Cool.

SPEAKER_03 19:48

So there's a little opening here. It sounds like or it feels like. An another step in this process is looking to see if you had the power to create your experience or replace that experience with anything of your desire. What would you like to replace it with if you could?

Finding Evidence That You Matter

SPEAKER_00 20:10

I guess essentially replacing it with the access that I do matter.

SPEAKER_03 20:14

Okay, but I do matter. Would you be willing to let that feeling in?

unknown 20:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:20

Just for now? Yeah. Okay. Are you present to that feeling right now? Try.

SPEAKER_03 20:29

Do you experience in this moment I matter? Not really.

SPEAKER_01 20:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 20:36

Okay. So there's a block there?

SPEAKER_01 20:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:40

I think it's hard to engage with that sort of I do matter.

SPEAKER_03 20:46

It's a foreign idea, right?

SPEAKER_00 20:47

It's easier to let go of the thought by getting distracted by something else or just letting it be, breathing it out. But either if you let in a new thought that goes against, you know, other thoughts that I've had.

SPEAKER_03 21:02

Is this new thought against that thought, or is this new thought just a creation of the space that's available, having let that other thought go?

SPEAKER_00 21:14

I think in my head, first one in the in my head, it feels like the opposite. In actuality, it's a new thing.

SPEAKER_03 21:22

Yeah, yeah, it's new, right. Yeah, I got that. Unfamiliar.

SPEAKER_01 21:26

Well, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 21:27

Would you be willing to share some examples of the evidence in your life that you do matter? M like maybe begin some sentences with the words I matter, fill in the blank here or there, wherever.

SPEAKER_00 21:46

I think it's harder to think of specific examples. I think of the negative sticks out in our hands so much more than the positive. I know that I matter as a wife, I matter as a mother, I matter as a friend. If I wasn't here, there would be a lot of people that would lose out on that. And so for this reason, why don't I do matter?

SPEAKER_03 22:08

You can see where you really do matter. Bring that quality of I matter to all areas of your life. That's just something that you live in. You don't have to even say it, but live in the experience of or the knowing I matter. How could you not matter? Is that true? Yeah, that's true. How could you not matter? Your presence not matter.

SPEAKER_00 22:33

Yeah. I guess yeah, positive or negative, my presence means something.

SPEAKER_03 22:38

Absolutely. Consider in relationship to your parents, that could shift how you relate to living in the space of I matter and see what comes out of that for you. That could be communication of some sort, or maybe you learning to engage with them on their own level, perhaps, or whatever they're doing, kind of thing.

SPEAKER_00 23:01

Yeah, and I think and it's the thing that I've had for a long time of just needing to let go of my expectation of what they should be, and accept then for this is the way that it's gonna be, and having dreams of what I wish they could be

Dropping Expectations With Family Life

SPEAKER_00 23:20

is a waste of my time and energy. Maybe in the future, if I'm willing to engage with them, see if they're willing to change we could, but focusing on what could be doesn't really help me at all.

SPEAKER_03 23:35

You're talking about expectation. That's what we tend to bring. And you can't think of expectation in the sense of what you've learned to expect them to be exactly the way they are, right? In in this relationship and encounter that you have with it to be exactly the way it is. It doesn't ever fit your expectation. It may be what you desire. That's the basis of just about all our upsets in life. Life, others just don't fit our expectations. And we have a certain and that turns into kind of an inner demand that they should be different than how they are, and they're not.

SPEAKER_01 24:26

When things don't fit those expectations.

SPEAKER_03 24:32

You said in your questionnaire that you find yourself snapping. So go your way with your child sometimes.

SPEAKER_00 24:43

Yeah, because my child in my hand, yeah, it's right things. Get overwhelming or I get overstimulated and it kind of just wane in my emotions.

SPEAKER_03 24:53

Would it make any difference to you if you could give up expectation?

SPEAKER_01 24:56

Oh, it wouldn't. It definitely would.

SPEAKER_03 24:58

That's a thought too, isn't it?

SPEAKER_01 25:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 25:02

It's an expectation is a belief. Is it? An expectation is a belief that begins with the words should. Yep. Should or should not, right? Yep. Something should happen or something should not happen. And so would giving up expectation, what would that amount to for you if you gave up expectation?

SPEAKER_00 25:25

I think it would have to allow that. I think it would make me happier. I think it would make my relationship better if I could just let go that shouldn't. My husband shouldn't be doing this, my husband should not be doing that, and especially with my son, he's two years old. He shouldn't have any expectations. He should not learn, he's expecting learning. It ridicules for me to pretty much expect anything from him. Um, and I think it would improve a lot of my relationships if I could just let them be who they are and not try to dream of some better version of what I would want.

SPEAKER_03 25:59

Wow. Wow. So a lot of positive payoff in giving up expectation. Learning to approach situations newly, freshly, like not bringing baggage into it, but to be aware.

SPEAKER_00 26:17

Yeah, and to be more flexible in terms of if something doesn't meet my expectations. Because I think having expectations is fine to an extent in terms of no having an expectation of maybe what you want in a partner, having an expectation of what your boundaries are with family, friends, whatever. I think expectations are fine. It's just when you think that everything should fit those expectations. And I think if I had more flexibility to be like, okay, this didn't quite meet my expectations, that's okay. I would really benefit from having that flexibility of letting go of those expectations if they don't work out.

SPEAKER_03 26:56

Yeah, I I hear that is learning to let go of my attachment to expectations. Learn to expect the unexpected. Yeah, that's the other part of learning to accept your feelings, right? Yeah, beautiful.

unknown 27:11

Shh.

SPEAKER_03 27:12

That's cool. All right. Given that this is the only time that exists, is it possible that you could give up expecting anything at this moment? Just for now? I think so.

SPEAKER_01 27:25

Okay. All right. Go ahead. Just see if you could give up expecting anything. Just for a moment.

SPEAKER_00 27:36

I think that's just me to disengage the part of my brain that constantly almost like the child like part of my brain that just I want what I want. Just engaging from that, just being like, okay, it's fine. If it happens, it doesn't, and just being a little more laid back.

SPEAKER_03 27:54

So could you say then in this moment, the only time that exists anyway, in this moment you're free of any expectation? In this moment, this instant expecting anything?

SPEAKER_01 28:05

No.

unknown 28:06

No.

SPEAKER_01 28:07

What's that like?

SPEAKER_00 28:09

It's things not having to think about the things that I expect to happen or want to happen, just letting my mind be empty.

SPEAKER_03 28:19

Okay. You said it already, but okay. So if you were to replace expecting anything with anything else, what would you like to replace expecting anything with?

SPEAKER_01 28:35

I think I would replace I guess nothing.

SPEAKER_00 28:39

I think I was part of that emptiness. I wish I could be just more laid back and relaxed about everything and go with the flower.

SPEAKER_03 28:48

Okay. That's great. Okay. Could you imagine the rest of your day? What you anticipate doing right after this, and what you anticipate occurring for the rest of the day. Could you picture that in your mind and see those scenes in your mind? Okay. And then as you picture those scenes in your mind, can you imagine bringing okayness to it all?

SPEAKER_01 29:18

I think an answer that I probably could.

SPEAKER_00 29:20

I think there'll be a few things that I struggle with, but I think most of it.

SPEAKER_03 29:26

So the thing that you struggle with the most, see if just go ahead and find out and see if you could perhaps replace whatever you're struggling with there with uh feeling okay.

SPEAKER_01 29:43

Yeah.

unknown 29:45

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 29:47

I think if it'll like saying that's honor I'm thinking about the past night talk about this mess, and we need to clean it. Well enough it's like it doesn't matter. It's okay if I let the house for another day. It's okay if I left off that expectation that the house was gonna be clean. Because we can clean it another day, it'll get there when it gets there.

SPEAKER_01 30:08

Perfect. That's great. Awesome. Cool. Okay. I think you've done something good here. Yeah. I think it's gonna take more practice, make it a more consistent thing.

SPEAKER_03 30:22

Yeah, at least in this conversation, you let go of what we were talking about, like expectation and this thought, I don't matter. So you let go of that at least for a moment. That doesn't mean after a conversation you're gonna not just pick it right back up.

SPEAKER_02 30:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 30:36

Play the same old number. The same old tune. Okay, that doesn't mean failure. That's just another thing to be aware of. Yeah, bring the question, could I let this go? Now sometimes it takes a few runs at it. Because the moment we let go of something is the same moment we pick it back up. But after a while, as you continue to let go and experience, you know, the happiness that comes out of that.

SPEAKER_00 31:03

Yeah. That should be it's a very helpful habit to transform of just when something comes up,

Three Questions To Release Thoughts

SPEAKER_00 31:10

say, can I let this go? Because I think so often I might get mad about something. And if I could just stop myself in the moment and think, can I just let this go? Even if it's just for right now, can I let this go? I think would help a lot.

SPEAKER_03 31:24

And that's a good question to verbalize to yourself, to actually speak the question, could I let this go? Would you would you say those words out loud just for now, just to practice? Can I let this go? Okay. Now you said the word can. Consider the difference between can and could. Can is do I have the ability? Could is a possibility. So try saying it this way, could I let this go? Could I let this Yeah, exactly. So that's it. And that evokes a yes or no response, right? Is it possible to let this go?

SPEAKER_01 32:02

Yeah, it's possible. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 32:04

And then you can take it a little farther in terms of uh tapping into actually letting it go. Because sometimes just asking that question and responding to it, it dissipates. But you can ask uh a couple of other questions beyond that. Would I let this go? Because that question is a yes or no question. It's asking, Am I willing? Am I willing to let this go? Yeah, I'm willing. And then the next question is, okay, like when. Okay. Right now?

SPEAKER_01 32:41

Yeah, quite as well. Exactly. We're always living in the second.

SPEAKER_03 32:45

So now and then when. Yeah. What you'll notice out of asking those questions and responding to them is that it goes.

SPEAKER_01 32:53

Yeah.

unknown 32:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 32:56

No, I think that would be very helpful.

SPEAKER_03 32:58

Okay. Good.

Curiosity And Closing Reflections

SPEAKER_03 33:00

We're coming to the end of our meeting. This is the way we end each meeting. A word that names my here and now experience coming to a close. And then a few words, how do I feel about this meeting? Anything that I take from this conversation at all? Any insight, realization, or anything at all? That's an evaluative question.

SPEAKER_00 33:18

Yeah, I think curiosity is a good word for it. Curiosity of exploring this idea more in my life and seeing kind of what kind of impact it can make. And trying to be diligent about actually doing it and not just forgetting to do it and then having it all by the wayside.

SPEAKER_03 33:41

All right. Encourage you to okay. This would be the little technique to just boil it all down is to verbalize the questions. Could I let this go? And answer that question. Is it possible? Would I let this go? Am I willing to let this go?

SPEAKER_01 33:59

Yeah, I'm willing. And right now. Yeah, but could I That's an easy way to remember it.

SPEAKER_03 34:06

Uh-huh. Right. Yeah. So yeah, that's learning to take charge of your consciousness.

unknown 34:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 34:14

To know that you can free yourself from the prison of I don't matter. Okay, when you start living in the reality of I matter, your life will transform.

SPEAKER_01 34:31

Yeah. Yeah, I agree. Alright, well good. Alright, well we'll stop here. Go forth in peace and joy.

SPEAKER_00 34:41

Thank you.

SPEAKER_03 34:42

Alright, take care. Thank you.

unknown 34:44

Thank you.