Can you lead with empathy and emotional intelligence? Imagine being able to cultivate a team culture of respect, understanding, and emotional maturity that drives success. This episode is a personal testament to my journey of mastering emotional intelligence, an essential skill in today's dynamic workplace, and how it has transformed my leadership style.
This is not just about understanding your emotions, but also evaluating how they influence those around you. We'll discuss the power of self-awareness and self-management, and how they contribute to our overall well-being. We also touch on the importance of social awareness and relationship management, looking at how empathy can help build stronger relationships. Trust us, at the end of this episode, you'll have the tools needed to foster successful social interactions and create a positive work environment. Brace yourself for a transformative leadership journey with a focus on personal growth and emotional maturity.
Links referenced in episode:
Sanctuaire Shop
Ohio Sate Resource
Emotional Intelligence 2.0
We need your help to get the Lead Culture podcasts in front of more leaders! There are three simple things you can do that truly help us:
Can you lead with empathy and emotional intelligence? Imagine being able to cultivate a team culture of respect, understanding, and emotional maturity that drives success. This episode is a personal testament to my journey of mastering emotional intelligence, an essential skill in today's dynamic workplace, and how it has transformed my leadership style.
This is not just about understanding your emotions, but also evaluating how they influence those around you. We'll discuss the power of self-awareness and self-management, and how they contribute to our overall well-being. We also touch on the importance of social awareness and relationship management, looking at how empathy can help build stronger relationships. Trust us, at the end of this episode, you'll have the tools needed to foster successful social interactions and create a positive work environment. Brace yourself for a transformative leadership journey with a focus on personal growth and emotional maturity.
Links referenced in episode:
Sanctuaire Shop
Ohio Sate Resource
Emotional Intelligence 2.0
We need your help to get the Lead Culture podcasts in front of more leaders! There are three simple things you can do that truly help us:
The Art of Leadership Network. Well, hey, leaders, welcome to the Lead Culture Podcast, part of the Art of Leadership Network. I'm your host, Jenni Catron. Each week here on the podcast, I'll be your guide as we explore powerful insights and practical strategies to equip you with the tools you need to lead with clarity and confidence and build a thriving team. Now my mission is to be your trusted coach, empowering you to master the art of self-leadership so you'll learn to lead yourself well, so you can ultimately lead others better. Each week, we'll take a deep dive on a leadership or a culture topic. You'll hear stories from amazing guests and leaders like you who are committed to leading well. So let's get started on this leadership journey together.
Speaker 1:Now, friends, before we jump into today's show, I just have to give you a little caveat that we are doing some work on our house. There's some, not we, other people who are much more qualified are doing some work on our house, and so if you hear some random noises in the background, I just want to say give you my apologies at the beginning of the episode, because there was just not a good way to record without there potentially being some background noise. So I know you all get that. We all navigated that at some point or another, so if we get some weird sounds, that's what it is. Now, before we get into today's episode, I want to talk about a couple of big things that are coming up that I think are super important, and I want you to join me for so. First, for those of you who are women in leadership, I'm curious are you looking to level up your leadership in 2024? And guys, maybe there's a woman leader on your team who you think just has so much potential and you know that 2024 is going to be a big year for her. Well, I am thrilled to announce that registration is now open for our Women in Leadership February 2024 coaching group. Imagine a powerful network of like-minded women, all focused on unlocking their full potential and achieving their dreams.
Speaker 1:At The 4sight Group, we believe in empowering leaders to lead themselves well so you can lead others better. So I want you to join me this February and embark on a transformative journey of personal and professional growth. In this group, you'll gain access to expert coaching, invaluable resources and a supportive community that's dedicated to your success. So don't miss out on this incredible opportunity. Visit get4sightcom/ women in leadership. That's get4sightcom/ women in leadership to learn more and to secure your spot today. Unleash your potential, lead with confidence and make 2024 your year of remarkable success. So spots are limited. We do these in very small groups, cohorts. You guys, I've done these groups for going on 14 years and I absolutely love them. They are life-transforming. And so go to get4sightcom/ women in leadership to join our next coaching group. And, guys, if there's a woman on your team, you want to make sure you encourage her to check it out.
Speaker 1:All right, friends, how about Christmas gifts? How are you doing? Are you thinking about it? It's crazy. I have not started my shopping. I'm just going to be honest. I have not started my Christmas shopping, but I have a good resource for you.
Speaker 1:My friends at Sanctuaire exist to connect humanity to the experience of Sanctuary through creating elegant, ethical jewelry and supporting the economically vulnerable. Designed with intention, each piece of Sanctuary is wearable art that exudes beauty, charity, integrity, legacy and compassion. 10% of all profits support vulnerable women and communities globally. Founded in 2018 as Sanctuary Project, this survivor-run organization has provided over 50,000 hours of employment and employed more than 50 vulnerable women, creating a true sanctuary for the women in their community. So visit their new website, sanctuaire. shop, that's S-A-N-C-T-U-A-I-R-E. shop to browse their jewelry and find out more information. Guys, I love this organization. I am personal friends with the founder of Sanctuaire. She is a wonderful, remarkable leader and has just created absolutely stunning and beautiful jewelry, but has such a purposeful heart in the work she does. So, again, beauty Christmas gifts. Go to sanctuaire. shop to check out what they're doing.
Speaker 1:All right, today we are talking about a topic that is a big passion point of mine emotional intelligence. Now, this has been a journey for me, as I think emotional intelligence is for all of us, that it is a skill to learn and develop, and so what I want to tell you about today is how emotional intelligence really is the secret weapon of successful leaders and successful teams. We get to spend a lot of time this past week I was doing some culture work with an organization, and really, at the heart of great culture, great organizational culture, is a very emotionally healthy team, and I just continue to find emotional intelligence skills are so critical for functioning well in today's workplace, and so we're going to talk about emotional intelligence the secret weapon of successful teams. Now, why is this such a passion point for me? Well, I'm going to be honest with you. This has been a journey. It has been a process for me to figure out how to lead from a healthier, emotional place.
Speaker 1:Now I remember a number of years back there was a season that was really super busy, like this was back when I was working at the church in Nashville. We were building out our new building, I was writing one of my books. It was an incredibly busy season. And there was one Saturday morning that should have been a relaxing day, right, like we didn't have a lot going on, which was pretty unusual. But I woke up kind of a ball of stress, like I just couldn't shake all of the stuff on my mind. And so my husband kind of picked up on that and he said well, jen, what do you want to do? And I couldn't answer the question. I really didn't know what I wanted. All I could feel was all of the responsibility, right.
Speaker 1:I didn't think I had the luxury of thinking about what I wanted or even what I was feeling. I was leading this rapidly growing organization, overseeing a multi-million dollar building project and writing my first book, so there really wasn't time to think about what I wanted to do. You know what that feels like. I suspect all of you can resonate with that. You're like what I want? How does that even factor into the equation?
Speaker 1:There was barely time to do everything that I needed to do, but what happened in that moment was that question really triggered kind of an avalanche of emotions that I needed to unpack right. But what did I want? Meaning? How did I feel what was important to me, what was going on with me? Because I was not paying attention to what was going on with me and therefore it was starting to show up right, like he was sensing it, he was feeling it and, of course, other people around me were as well. That tension, that stress, that frustration.
Speaker 1:And what I realized in that moment was that the hardest person for me to lead is me. The hardest person for you to lead is you, and sometimes we get so busy leading the other stuff and leading the other people that we're neglecting leading ourselves. Well, I read a quote somewhere around that same time from Dr Pamela Butler. She's a clinical psychologist and she says there is a person with whom you spend more time than any other, a person who has more influence over you and more ability to interfere with or to support your growth than anyone else. This ever present companion is your own self. Ouch right, there's a person who you spend more time with than any other, somebody who has more influence over you than anyone else, more ability to interfere with or support your growth than anyone else. This is yourself.
Speaker 1:And so her words awakened in me this importance of emotional intelligence that I take me into every situation, don't I Like? I am the common denominator, and one of the most challenging and most liberating things we can learn in our leadership journey is that the one thing I have control of in every situation is myself. Like when I'm starting to feel frazzled or I'm starting to get frustrated by every different situation or circumstance, I have to look at who is the common denominator, and it's me. And oftentimes there are so many things going on beyond my control. But what I can always control is how I respond, how I engage, how I show up and, most critically, how I pursue growth as a leader.
Speaker 1:Emotional intelligence, by definition, refers to the capacity to recognize and manage our own feelings and to recognize and respond effectively to those of others. Now let me say that again Emotional intelligence refers to the capacity to recognize and manage our own feelings and to recognize and respond effectively to those of others. So, while the emotional intelligence journey kind of started with me looking at myself, that's the first part of emotional intelligence. The second part is that I am able to recognize and respond to others, and that's the power of emotional intelligence. Now I want to give a little caveat here. We're going to link to these in the show notes, but I have referenced a few different resources, some resources from Ohio State You'll hear me talk about some of Daniel Goldman's work and so we're going to link to some of the resources that I've referenced for this, because this is not all Jenni's ideas. There are really smart people who studied this that I've borrowed some of this content from, so be sure to check those out in the show notes.
Speaker 1:Now, one thing that really stands out to me there's a book called Emotional Intelligence 2.0, one of my favorite books on this topic, by the way, and a really helpful resource for helping coach you through growth in emotional intelligence. But they say in that book that our brains are hardwired to give emotions the upper hand. Now, doesn't that feel so true? Right, like sometimes don't you get frustrated that your emotions seem to be controlling you? Well, scientifically, our brains are hardwired to give emotions the upper hand. So we need to know this, we need to understand this. I think sometimes we think, especially as leaders, that we're just supposed to tamper down those emotions and we're supposed to box them out over here and not give them any attention. They don't need to be driving you, but you need to understand them, and so our brains are hardwired to give emotions the upper hand. We need to know this so we understand ourselves and we understand others, and so I really believe that emotional intelligence is the secret weapon of successful people. When I have a deep understanding of what's going on with me, I can be more conscious of how I impact others and therefore be so much more intentional in all that I do, as a leader in particular.
Speaker 1:Now I'm going to walk you through four areas of emotional intelligence. There's different theories on this. Some say there's four areas of emotional intelligence, some say there are five. I'm going to do the four from Daniel Goldman's Emotional Intelligence Quadrant. We're going to look at those. Now here's the thing I want you to hear. This is, again one of the most hopeful things about this subject is that emotional intelligence can be developed. You know, scientifically they say that our IQ, our intellectual quotient, you know, is kind of fixed, like that's pretty fixed. Well, emotional intelligence, our EQ, can be developed and leaders. This is why I think this is so important, because our workplace, we are dealing with people, we are reacting and responding to ourselves, we are reacting and responding to others, and so understanding what is going on in all of that interaction gives us better resources to know how to lead. So let's look at these four areas of emotional intelligence.
Speaker 1:The first one is self-awareness, and this is really the starting point of emotional intelligence is self-awareness the ability to read and understand your emotions as well as recognize their impact on others. Self-awareness is the ability to read and understand your emotions as well as recognize their impact on others. There was a study done called the Ripple Effect Emotional Contagion and its influence on group behavior. That showed that our emotions can be contagious and shared with others, even if we do not mean to. So you get this right your emotions can be contagious and shared with others. So you know how you experience somebody who is maybe having a bad day, like you feel that, like you understand that Maybe you have somebody who's frustrated or angry a lot Like you feel that, and so our emotions can be contagious. There's a process innate in human behavior that can cause us to mimic another person's facial expressions and communicate through nonverbal behaviors. So we actually can start mimicking others, like we're so receptive and responsive to their emotions that we can mimic them. And so this is why self-awareness is so key.
Speaker 1:We need to understand, hey, what's going on with me and how is that impacting the people around me? Like, am I, in a sense, kind of infecting those around me? I think of the concept of the thermostat versus the thermometer. Right, the thermostat sets the temperature, right, there's, it's regulating the temperature, which is what we want to do as leaders. We want to proactively regulate the temperature of the room that we're in, whereas the thermometer is simply reading the temperature or responding to the temperature. So if, which is a much more reactive response, right, so if you react to the temperature in the room, then you are again being in that more reactive mode, whereas we want to be more proactive, especially as leaders, to set the temperature. Okay, so that's self-awareness.
Speaker 1:The second one is self-management. Self-management, or sometimes referred to as self-regulation, can be defined as the ability to manage one's actions, thoughts and feelings in flexible ways to get the desired results. So this means taking that self-awareness right, the understanding of my emotions, and then managing my actions, thoughts and feelings to get the desired results, to respond to my circumstances and to get the desired results. So optimal self-regulation contributes to a sense of well-being, a sense of self-efficacy or confidence and a sense of connectedness to others. The goal is for a self-regulating individual to be able to take his or her emotional responses as cues for both action and coping effectively in relationships, right? So it's like it's understanding your emotional responses and helping you react better. Bottom line so emotions can swamp our brain, causing feelings of frustration and overwhelm, and so we wanna be much more aware of that. Self-management means I'm aware of that and I'm taking control of it, essentially right, like I'm choosing to regulate my emotions rather than just respond to them.
Speaker 1:The third part of emotional intelligence is social awareness. Now, social awareness is the ability to accurately notice the emotions of others and read situations appropriately. So I'm aware of my own, I'm managing my own. Now, social awareness is I'm noticing the emotions of others and I'm reading situations appropriately. Like I'm reading those situations and, again, not just responding to that situation. It's about sensing what other people are thinking and feeling and being able to take their perspective, using your capacity for empathy. Now, I love this. Using your capacity for empathy. This is all about leadership, right, like? Leadership is about others. So, with social awareness, we are sensing what other people are thinking and feeling. We're much more tuned into them, and so we're engaging empathy.
Speaker 1:Empathy is not sympathy. Empathy takes other people's feelings into thoughtful consideration and then we can make an intelligent decision to respond to those feelings. So, again, it's elevating yourself and being more aware of, instead of just responding to, other thoughts and feelings and emotions. With our own feelings and emotions, we're taking other people's feelings into thoughtful consideration and then we're making an intelligent decision to respond to those feelings. So, again, it's kind of back to that thermostat we're choosing to set the temperature rather than react to it. Strong empathy skills help us get along better with others who see things differently from us, right, like we're recognizing their emotions and their thoughts and then we're responding really more maturely to that, aren't we?
Speaker 1:And then the fourth part of emotional intelligence is relationship management, which means the ability to take one's own emotions. So I'm taking my emotions, the emotions of others and the context to manage social interactions successfully. So, leaders, this is key for us, right? Because all of these pieces of emotional intelligence kind of build upon themselves ultimately to relationship management, which is the quadrant that pulls together the other three dimensions and creates the final product relationship management. And so we're taking our emotions, the emotions of the team, we're taking the context and we're managing those interactions well. Right, we're getting out of just reacting to the feelings and now we're being able to respond to and lead all of that emotion in a more productive and positive way. So this can be known as friendliness with a purpose or getting desired responses. When working with others, right, we're leaning in to try to lead people to a shared understanding and an elevated perspective together.
Speaker 1:Another example of relationship management is dealing specifically with conflict of others. Those strong in this area can see that conflict is forming and you take steps to move others away from this in a more positive interaction, right? So you're noticing where the feelings and things are going in people's reactions and you're trying to move them more positively in their interaction. Listening and empathizing are critical skills to deal with these often difficult conversations. So this relationship management is where we start to really, especially in conflict management becomes really critical. So relationship management can also be working with collaboration and teamwork of others. It's all about how we're helping lead and guide how others work together, because all teams are a collection of individuals and yet, once together, they can take on the emotions of others. So it's important to keep emotions positive, like we're, just as leaders, aware of all of the emotions going on with every individual and how they're kind of colliding together, and relationship management is helping elevate those conversations in a much more positive direction and help us take more positive action on this mashup of emotions that's happening whenever a group of people are together.
Speaker 1:Now, that's a lot to get you thinking about today, but I want to give you five emotional intelligence questions to be thinking about. Okay, just the questions that will help spark some curiosity around this topic for you. So here's the first one, what am I feeling right now? Someone who is emotionally intelligent knows what they are feeling, real time. That's from Leah Weiss. She's the author of the book How We Work. Someone who is emotionally intelligent knows what they are feeling right now. So how are you feeling right now?
Speaker 1:The second question to ask is, what is my perception of the people and situations around me? So, again, five really helpful questions for you to take into any environment. How am I feeling right now? And the second one what is my perception of the people and situations around me? So, try catching yourself emotionally and considering alternate viewpoints, right? So, if you're honestly assessing what you're feeling in real time, there are bound to be moments when negative emotions arise, and so you want to be able to react or respond in a more healthy way. So what's my perception of the people and situation?
Speaker 1:Number three, then, third question is what are my emotional triggers? Part of self-awareness is understanding your emotional triggers, the things that frustrate you, the things that you react to emotionally. So if you know what situations will likely lead to stress or anxiety, you can better plan to deal with those emotions before they become problems. This is key, right? What are my emotional triggers? What are the things that kind of frustrate me, or I more emotionally respond to you? The more conscious you are of that, the more purposeful you can be in responding to them.
Speaker 1:Question number four what feelings am I holding onto? Right? What am I holding onto? And, guys, I know sometimes we have difficulty applying this into the workplace, but we absolutely are emotionally reacting to things in the workplace and so asking ourselves these questions to help give us better perspective, helps us take more thoughtful action on it. So what feelings am I holding onto? Even if you become skilled at recognizing and dealing with emotions as they happen, it takes work and practice to master the step of letting go. So what are you holding onto? What are you carrying forward that you need to let go? And then the last question what do my team, friends and family think of my emotional intelligence? Do they think I have some emotional intelligence? So you should get an outsider's opinion right. We're going to have our own bias around our emotional intelligence. All of us think we're emotional intelligent, but true self-awareness is always grounded in reality. So you want to get feedback from the people around you of, hey, how am I doing in my self-awareness, my those four areas self-awareness, self-management, social awareness and relationship management how am I doing in those four areas? And getting somebody else to give you a little perspective on that can be extraordinarily valuable. So I give you a lot to think about today. Hopefully, you've done some of this emotional intelligence work and it's a bit of a refresher. You're going into this fall season.
Speaker 1:This holiday season is super busy and there's a lot of events and things that your teams are pulling together, and so there's more pressure, there's more family pressure, there's more work pressure, just a busy, busy season as we finish the year. And so lean into your emotional intelligence, lean into these skills and ask yourself these five questions. Ask them every day. Take a pause if you're starting to feel a little frustrated or anxious. What am I feeling right now? What is my perception of the people and situations around me? What are my emotional triggers? What feelings am I holding onto and what do my team, friends and family think of my emotional intelligence? And just by asking yourself those questions, you're going to pause, you're going to get a little more self-awareness and then that should lead to more self-management and you're going to grow in your emotional intelligence as a result of it. So I hope that was helpful. I hope it got you thinking a bit.
Speaker 1:I highly encourage this as a conversation with your teams. I said earlier Emotional Intelligence 2.0, it's by Bradberry and Greaves. I believe Greaves are the authors Emotional Intelligence 2.0, we'll link it in the show notes. It's one of my favorite books. It's got a self-assessment that you can take and so you can use that to take a self-assessment. It's got coaching ideas to help you on the areas of self or emotional intelligence that you're maybe deficient in great resource to do individually or even more so to do as a team. So I want to encourage you to check that out. It's just a great book that I love. I don't even know the authors personally, but encourage you to check that out.
Speaker 1:And, friends, I just want to remind you your leadership matters. Keep leading well. These are the elements of leadership that are a constant journey. They're not an arrival spot. We will always be growing in our Emotional Intelligence, so use that as a positive. Don't let it be discouraging to you. These are skills. These are tools that continue to help us be better and stronger leaders. They help us lead ourselves well so we can lead others better. All right, I hope this was helpful to you.
Speaker 1:I want to remind you if you're a woman in leadership, or there is a woman in your life who is a great leader, encourage them to check out the coaching group, early Bird Rates and Early December. So go to get4sight. com/w omen inl eadership for all of those details. Don't forget to go check out sanctuaire. shop to get some of your Christmas gifts. And then let me know what you thought of this week's episode. Connect with us on Instagram or Facebook at get4sight. I'm at Jenni Catron on all the socials, so drop me a direct message. Let me know what you thought of this week's episode. Share it with a friend. If it's a great conversation starter for you, your team or another coworker, share it with them and then process it together. It's a great way to grow as leaders together. And then leave us that review. Let us know that it was helpful to you. All right, friends, have a fantastic week. Thank you for listening today and keep leading well.