Amy Stanton: The Feminine Revolution and What it Means (for all of us)

Amy Stanton is the co-author of the best-selling book The Feminine Revolution, which will open your eyes to the opportunities we all have to tap into our natural strengths (rather than being convinced those natural traits are weaknesses). She shares tips, guidelines and more from her book and from her extensive experience as the founder of a top level national marketing firm.  Feminine traits that were once disparaged as weaknesses are reclaimed as powerful strengths.

Welcome to the latest episode of the Catalyst Health, Wellness & Performance Coaching Podcast - today’s guest is Amy K. Stanton.  Amy founded Stanton & Company with a passion for promoting and building positive female role models and messaging for women.  Amy also served as the first-ever Chief Marketing Officer for Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia. Prior to that, Amy was the Director of Marketing & Communications for NYC2012, New York's Olympic bid, where she developed and executed both the local and international campaigns for the first-ever endeavor.

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

The feminine revolution brings different things to mind for different people. But today we literally have the woman who wrote the book on the topic, joining us, welcome to the latest episode of the catalyst, health, wellness, and performance coaching podcast. I'm your host, Dr. Bradford Cooper of the catalyst coaching Institute and today's guest is bestselling author and branding guru. Amy Stan. Amy is the coauthor of the feminine revolution, which challenges the idea that femininity is weak encouraging women to redefine and embrace their feminine qualities as sources of power. And for the men listening in there are plenty of lessons for us to Amy brings valuable insights related to branding as well as she is the founder of a top branding and marketing firm before founding Stanton and company, she served as a first ever chief marketing officer for Martha Stewart, living Omni media. And when she was the head of marketing communications for NYC 2012, new York's Olympic bid, where she developed and executed both the local and international campaigns for this first ever endeavor for the coaches out there, we are one month away from the event of the year, the Rocky mountain coaching retreat and symposium and beautiful Estes park, Colorado, technically registration wound down a couple of weeks ago, but if you just heard about it and you want to make it happen, contact us emails, results@catalystcoachinginstitute.com and we'll see what we can do otherwise. Keep it on your radar for next year, as it is truly the premier annual event for health and wellness coaches. If you're not yet a coach, you have one more chance to complete your NBA. HWC approved coaching certification for 2021. All the details@catalystcoachinginstitute.com or as always reach out to us, anytime she just an email and we can set up a call to talk through the details, how the process works. Now, we're talking about a revolution with Amy Stanton on the latest episode of the catalyst, health, wellness, and performance coaching podcast, Amy San. It is great having you on the show. Thanks for joining us today. Thank

Speaker 2: 2:00

You for having me.

Speaker 1: 2:02

So let's jump right in your, your book, the feminine revolution. You go through 21 traits, you review 21 traits, and I love how you shift the perspective on how these traits are viewed. Can you walk us through the journey on how this came together? Initially?

Speaker 2: 2:17

Absolutely. Like most things, it starts really with my own personal journey and feeling like maybe things were a little out of balance and we, we all talk about this work-life balance, which by the way, I don't think is possible. Right. But, um, it's okay. You know, for an entrepreneur we've thrown in the towel on that a long time ago, but mine was a little different. I was feeling like I was holding back parts of myself. And I think that's something that many of us face, whether we're conscious of it or not, but feeling not so great about certain parts of ourselves. So specifically I grew up always being told I was a little bit too sensitive by my mom. Maybe she never said a little bit too sensitive. You're being too sensitive. I think this is a message probably that many of us receive, especially girls and women. Um, and when I worked in New York, I was in this high powered corporate environment where I felt like I needed to hold these parts of myself back. And I developed this toughness and this assertiveness and this directness, all of which are good by the way, and have served me. But what I realized is ultimately I was holding back these other parts of myself and I had this epiphany about six years ago where I'm like, maybe this tough bossy, Amy is the reason that I haven't met prince charming. And, you know, I really wondered if I was bringing her into my dating relationships. And that might be just, again, a lack of balance in some way. So I started on this exploration feeling like I needed to talk to as many people as possible, both men and women, and realized that everyone was facing a similar issue, maybe not in the same ways, maybe it wasn't sensitivity or being too emotional or being a crier, which are my things, but it could be any number of things, you know, so people, you know, again, we get these messages from society. And what I realized is that there was this general perception that femininity was a weakness. And, uh, and that a lot of my friends, whether again, in, in different ways, felt like they couldn't show up as themselves. And that's an issue because none of us are gonna be our happiest best selves if we're not showing up in an authentic way. So I was fortunate enough in my many conversations to come across a woman named Catherine Connors, who at the time was running the Disney women's strategy for the rebrand of the princess, which is super cool. Of course. I mean, when you think about the epitome of femininity, it's the princess, right? And, and also what reinforces certain types of concepts for girls and even women, right? The Disney princess is at the heart of so much of that. So she and I had a couple of great conversations and then literally it took me two years, but finally, two years later, we're having another meal and I'm like, let's just fight this together. Because I like when I first started thinking about it, I was like, I'm going to write a book, which is ridiculous. I run a PR agency, you know, like who do I think I am out of my mind. But, um, Catherine formerly was an academic. She taught women's studies had a lot of really great context specifically in the women's space. And then I had my personal experience, but also I was a CMO of Martha Stewart. I had been building brands for women for many years and really had, again, a lot of different perspectives based on all the research that I had done. So we just went for it. And, you know, it was interesting experience because even in selling the book, we came across a lot of these women that in their own experience had been holding back parts of themselves. And, and even felt like femininity was a step backwards that some of the women who run publishing companies, for example, maybe late fifties, and I'm not, I don't want to generalize anything, but it's a certain generation, late fifties, early sixties, like these hardcore feminists in the best sort of way, don't want to take a step back. And, and to me, this is quite the opposite because this is about reframing the way we look at femininity because the labels are out there. This isn't creating labels and saying, now we're going to code this as feminine, and this is masculine, and we're going to reinforce this bodies. We're going to acknowledge the things that exist out there, which are these conversations that may subtly, or maybe not so subtly be holding us back. So in our head and externally, so the way we organize the book, as you mentioned, was around 21 different qualities. And each of them have been historically been perceived as feminine and they've historically been perceived as weaknesses. And then we turn those on their head to show that they're actually our superpowers. And this really is, there are a couple of important points. One is every one of us is a balance of masculine and feminine, and that's a good thing. And every one of us would also have a totally unique way of defining femininity. So that's also a good thing. So of these 21 qualities, some may resonate for certain people and may not for others. And this is not just for women. I mean, we certainly targeted this book at women. Oddly enough, there've been conversations in the past several years for men about the importance of leaning into your sensitivity and this more emotional slide. But there are no conversations about that for women, because there was an assumption that we were already sensitive and emotional enough. Yes. Um, so that was really, that was the start. And, you know, it's really interesting because we've been out now, it's been a couple of years, I've been out doing a lot of speaking and it never grows old. I mean, this, you know, there were all these conversations around female empowerment and feminism and equal rights and equal opportunity and all those are super important, but nobody was talking about this other F-word femininity. Right.

Speaker 1: 8:13

Okay. So you you've, you've kind of skimmed the surface on a few. Can you walk us through a couple of the traits that might be the most recognizable? And again, you've touched on a couple, but can you broaden those out for us a little bit more?

Speaker 2: 8:24

Sure. Well, it's easy for me to use a couple that are my personal favorites. Um, I mean, that don't really apply to me actually. It's probably a better way of putting it, but so as I mentioned from a young age, my mom called me sensitive. It was reinforced when I'm working in big ad agencies, you can't take things personally. I get that in performance reviews, you know, it became very clear that that kind of sensitivity wasn't really welcome. And I'm not suggesting we should take everything personally by the way. But I realized now that we've gone through this exercise, that actually my sensitivity is the reason when I walk into the office and notice something's off with one of my employees, I sense that I can then address it, or when I'm sitting in a client meeting and there's somewhat productive conversation, but I'm sensing that something is a little off, or maybe they're not saying exactly how they feel, then I can circle back and address that. So really if you look out kind of the day to day and how we're using our sensitivity, that is truly what makes us great at what we do. And you know, a lot of people would talk about some of that is ETQ right. Um, but really it's a reframe because even thinking about, and I've had a lot of moms since we wrote this book that when I'm talking to groups about this sensitivity concept saying, oh my gosh, I didn't realize how often I use that word and how I do it. So unconsciously. Yeah. So it's really important. I mean, part of it's an awareness about the messages that not only we're receiving, but the ones that were sending out to those around us. Um, another example would be crying. This, I think is a really good one because people think this is the most extreme possible, because what is the worst thing that could ever happen? You cry at the office, but let's start at the beginning of that. I mean, in the history of time, has anyone gotten up in the morning and thought, I hope I burst into tears in my boss's office. Probably not. So what is really happening? It is a human moment and guess what being human is. Okay. And actually these moments of crying can actually help us move things forward, but that's not how they've been perceived or framed in the past. So imagine, I mean, really, I have a lot of examples of this because I am a crier, but a performance review where a boss is providing a performance review and the person being reviewed starts to cry. What typically would happen is the person being reviewed, runs to the bathroom and so ashamed. And the world's coming to an end and the boss is thinking, Hmm, I don't really know what's going on. And maybe they think this is a disgruntled employee, or maybe they think this person is imbalanced or who knows, you know, not for the job, but what if in that scenario, both people had the power to just use it differently. So what if the crier could say, I'm getting emotional right now because I care so much about this job and I've been working so hard and I thought I was going to get a bigger raise today. What do I need to do in order to make that happen through the tears? You know, what if the boss could say, I see you're getting emotional, it's totally fine. What can I do to help? Or what's really going on, let's get to the bottom of it. You know, how different would that be? Suddenly these two people could have a real conversation and become even closer and have a deeper connection and a better understanding of each other versus what we know always happens, which is not that. So, you know, that's a great example of a very specific tool that has, is extremely useful. Now, of course, most of the people that work for me are women. They know I'm an advocate for crying. They have no problem with that, you know, and they know that there's never going to be any judgment and that is completely AOK. And, and we have the, you know, and that goes for everything. Not just, I can't, I, I really do try to walk the walk in terms of allowing for a lot of these qualities, not just exist, but actually fueling them. Like, intuition's a good one. So, you know, historically of course, intuition, hasn't been the sort of go-to quality that people are looking for when they're hiring someone. But in reality is our intuition that helps us make the best decisions. It's not in, it's not instead of using data, it's not instead of doing the research, but as the tiebreaker, oftentimes the intuition is the best, the best power. And so an example is I have a woman that works with me, who does a lot and negotiates a lot of our contracts and she'll come into, especially in the old days, she would come into my office all the time and say, Amy, what's the right number for this. What's the right starting point. And I would turn back to her and say, what is your gut telling you? And nine out of 10 times, her gut was telling her exactly what I would have told her, by the way, there's no right answer for those things. So we have to trust our gut on things. So, you know, really cultivating that. And again, I mean, so much of this is about awareness, both within ourselves, but also how we're engaging with the world. A lot of the corporate stuff that I've done, the corporate workshops are great because they create suddenly an environment where you can have conversations about these things that people didn't even know that everyone was experiencing. Similar things. People didn't even know, you could talk about new ways of communicating or allowing space for people to be themselves or how they might be reinforcing some of the problems without even realizing it. So, yeah, but I'm not going to cry on this podcast that I'm aware of. But if I do

Speaker 1: 13:57

Well as the dad of three kids who have all gotten married within an 18 month period, I am all for crying because I've done plenty of it at those. I'll tell you, especially our two daughters, our sons is coming up next week. So we'll see how I do there. Um, Yeah, we're, we're, we're super sick. We Suzanne and I are very fortunate. Um, talk about a couple that might surprise folks on this list of 21. Are there a couple of where people go, wait, what?

Speaker 2: 14:22

Well, what's interesting is I don't know if they're super surprising when the crying might be surprising to people because in the book, the way we organize it, we're actually encouraging people to lean into these qualities. So actually saying cry, cry openly. Another one might be, be mothering. Again, if you look at these words, they're just so commonplace. But, but really, again, this is another thing that so many women are beat up about all the time you're being so mothering, you know, whether it's a teammate or whether it's a friend. Um, but the truth is that's a way of showing you care and when it's taken away suddenly miss it. So you, don't the extent to which that's actually really powerful. It's great. And that's the reason I love that. One is it's not about biological motherhood, obviously. It's about a quality of really being nurturing and caring, maybe over the top in an over the top way. But, but that's okay because if that's who you are, that people are really benefiting from that and that you derive a lot of joy and satisfaction from that. And now of course, again, everything in moderation, but, um, I remember a friend of mine who, who read this book. I think she wasn't entirely sure, like most people aren't exactly which qualities are gonna connect with. And, and that is one that she had been given a hard time about for a long time. And so in starting to think about it as a superpower, suddenly it just takes this load off because cause we as women and men to the degree too, but we beat ourselves up about everything we're total overthinkers, we're always worrying about how everybody feels all around us. So to be able to take these parts that might've have been living with us forever and that we might be feeling guilty or awkward or uncomfortable or whatever, ashamed and suddenly to be able to unhinge that and look at it through a new lens. It's like if we resolve this life, you know, and again, true,

Speaker 1: 16:19

Well, that's what I'm thinking. It almost sounds to me, tell me if I'm pointing the wrong direction here, but for a coach or a leader, it seems like this book would be incredibly valuable because all of a sudden that leader male or female that coach male or female looks at these and says, wait, I have been seeing this in my team members or my coaching clients or whatever, what a great opportunity to expand those and build on those. And like you say, allow you to be authentic and who you were designed to be. And yeah, I love this. This is so valuable. Um, you've talked about men a couple of times, but for the guys that are listening, how can they be applying these concepts in their lives? How does this overlap into the men that may be listening to what you're saying?

Speaker 2: 17:02

It is exactly the same exercise. I mean, I think first of all, I'm biased about this, but working on ourselves constantly is probably the most important thing to progress and growth both for us and everyone around us, just starting this journey of taking a closer look at what parts of ourselves we might feel bad about. I mean, for each person it's different, you know, and it's, this list of qualities could have been a hundred. It didn't need to be 21. So really doing that exploratory and, and wondering if like maybe again, maybe it's something a parent had been telling you for years and you didn't realize how that suddenly became a thing and then taking a step back and looking at it through a new lens and just asking the question, are there ways that maybe this actually is serving me, are there ways that this quality, I mean, you could do it with any quality, but are there ways that maybe it actually has been powerful in my life? Maybe it's part of why I'm good at my job. You know, I mean being controlling another great example, it's very rare that men are called being too controlling, but women oftentimes, and I am a control freak. I can totally own that. You know? And, but it's, it's something that we've been beat up about, you know, like why are you being so controlling? The fact is that our controlling nature is what makes us great project managers or taskmasters makes us detail oriented and gives us the ability to help ensure that things turn out a certain way and or that they turn out at all. So, um, again, it's a new lens. Like I hope someday when someone says you're being so controlling that the recipient of that can say, thank you.

Speaker 1: 18:49

All right, well, let's take this to the extreme. I've heard you speak on toxics, toxic masculinity. What do you think is behind this? And I've written approach or defect probably more the second. And are you seeing positive changes with this as, as hopefully the world is growing a little bit,

Speaker 2: 19:07

You know, it's a really tough one that toxic masculinity. Um, I was on this, have you heard of now this, you know, that media outlet? I haven't. Okay. Well, it's a great and very, very, uh, it gets a lot of views. Let's put it that way. Um, and it was, I did a recording for them, the very beginning of interview for them. The very beginning of when we launched the book, I mean, may have been one of my first interviews and I said something along the lines of, in a world and, and granted, I mean, this was 20 end of 2019, is that right note? And in 2020, thank you, Lisa. You know,

Speaker 1: 19:51

Well, I am a control freak, so

Speaker 2: 19:56

Thank you. I love it. Owning it. At that time, there were all kinds of conversations happening specifically around toxic masculinity. And I don't know if you remember, but Proctor and gamble came out. I think it was Gillette specifically with campaign around it. Yes. I think it was again, you know, better than I do. But I remember when I came out with the campaign, it was really pretty revolutionary because yeah, I think you're right. I think you're right, because that was a very, they knew that was going to be not only a huge audience and it was generally pretty well received. Although some people flipped out about it because people really took it personally. Now, what I thought was interesting is generally I thought there was an understanding around what toxic masculinity meant. So, you know, aggression, unnecessary aggression or bullying, or I'm not, I'm not going to define it because again, it all themselves, but it seemed like it was a list of things that people would generally agree on as being a bad thing. But when I recorded this video, I said something along the lines of, in a world where we have an issue with masculinity, toxic masculinity, femininity, and more of a balance between these masculine and feminine can help solve the problem. Something along those lines. I was hopefully more articulate than that. And I mean, first of all, they always say, don't read the comments. And I really did not like how my hair looks that day. There, there are a few things that were a problem, like heroin. Okay. And I didn't get a blow out before that. And any sort of, like I learned the lesson, I didn't get a blog today either, but, um, I did before, like any major appearances, I, from that point on, I got a blow out, but the comments, I mean, just using the words, toxic masculinity put a number of men over the edge completely. I mean, it was like I had, I had just said the worst thing possible and I don't know why people were taking this on that way. Like it was again, I thought this was an objectively bad thing. And now to answer your question, is it getting better? How does this play in? I mean, I, I believe that the balanced and between the masculine and feminine is our win. And if you were to ask me what in the grand scheme of things would be a huge success for this movement, it would be that we would see more of a balance at the top, whether that's at the top of corporate world or politically. And, and that's not just a balance of men and women, that is a balance of the way we show up in the world and the way we use power. So a balance of this masculine power and feminine power, both of which are equally important. So, you know, I don't, I think at the end of the day, we're going to continue to see toxic masculinity. I don't think there's a way to eradicate that, but I think if people could find within themselves more of a balance, then they'll show up in a more balanced way

Speaker 1: 23:01

When it comes to your message, whether it's through your book, your speaking engagements, are you getting speaking of men and women, are you getting different feedback outside of the YouTube comments from the men compared to the women? Or what are you hearing?

Speaker 2: 23:15

You know, the funny thing is a few men that are friends of mine read the book in the very beginning and they said, can you please just write this exact same book for me? And I appreciate that. But I, at that point was exhausted and not feeling like writing a second book. That was exact same book for men, but, um, it did definitely point out the issue. And I love that they're all these men's groups now and organizations really focused on helping men connect and communicate and share stuff around, not femininity specifically, but in general, their feelings. And I think all that stuff is real progress. Um, women generally, what I love about the feedback I get from women is that everybody takes it on as their own thing. And almost everyone has a different way of connecting with the book. And there are different things, like part of what I love about the way the book is created is you could pick it up and open it to any page and there pull quotes and other things that just make it interesting and may actually spark totally different line of thinking on any particular day. I personally love books like that because not that I don't have a good attention span, but some days it's nice to be able to kind of have a little bite sized thought provoking content.

Speaker 1: 24:28

Well, and, and like for a study group or a conversation or a book club or something like that, or just a, whatever you want to call it, a catalyst group who better group let's get better group, whatever. Literally it could just be your, your discussion of the day is we're gonna hit these three topics. We're gonna hit this few topics. And there's our, there's our seven week program. This is going to be awesome. So yeah, I liked that a lot as well. I want to sneak into the branding stuff because that's, that's what you do for a living. You help people brand, whether it's the Martha Stewart, whether it's, uh, you know, we, we were talking offline about people like Becky Hammon. I know you're not involved with her directly, but hopefully she's going to be one of the next NBA coaches here in the coming weeks. Um, you wrote a great article on that and we just had Americus Reed join us a couple of weeks ago. Can you help folks? We'll, we'll provide a link to the article by the way, everybody, so you can see it, but could you give people whether they're looking at their business, their personal life, their professional life outside of running their own business in that branding piece, in that self, you know, figuring out how I'm going to market myself. Cause we all have to do that. Whether we'd run our own business or not. Can you give us some tips along those lines and some, some pointers that might be applicable for everybody?

Speaker 2: 25:41

Sure, absolutely. It's interesting because I wrote that article based on a talk I gave at the consumer health summit, which is an intimate gathering full of founders in the health and wellness industry, but a lot of CPG brands, supplements, health tech, other stuff. And I was thinking, what do these founders and CEOs care about right now that they're not that they don't actually have time to think about? And I thought it's brand building because brand building is such a lost art. It's really where I started in it. What it's, what I'm most passionate about. I'm running a PR agency, but at the heart of what we do is we're building brands. So whether that's for products or whether that's for individuals. And I realized some of the basics, the things that I perceive to be just going in assumptions of showing up in the world are actually useful to circle back around and have deeper conversations around. Um, we work right now with a lot of athletes and we have for years athletes and also lifestyle experts in addition to the brands and we've done a ton of book launches. So we're really always thinking about personal brands. And a lot of times people come to us and they have a fairly established personal brand, like a Dr. Mark Hyman, for example. Um, and when we're launching a book shirts impacting his brand, but he's pretty clear on who he is and how it shows up in the world. But for a lot of the young athletes we work with, honestly, they haven't, first of all, they shouldn't be thinking about how to build a brand because they are focused on. Yeah, exactly, exactly. And I really enjoy, I mean, there are moments of course, where they're a little snafoos here and there, but for the most part, I really enjoy that process of their growing up both as a, an athlete, but also as a human in the world. And that's really how I think about it. I mean, sometimes I think when people, people are like, I don't want to be a brand. I don't want to think about, I, you know, I'm not, it's not about me, which is great. You know, I think that maybe that's true or maybe that's someone feeling uncomfortable acknowledging that they're showing up in the world. But if you're a public figure, you automatically should be thinking about how everybody is receiving you and not just the big stuff that you're doing, but the little stuff. So I remember we represented this female snowboarder named Gretchen Bleiler for many years. She was one of my first clients and she'd just won the silver medal at the Torino Olympics. And she was the darling. I mean, she's the best female snowboarder in the world. She also is beautiful and articulate and super involved in giving back to the environment and this most gracious, lovely human being on top of it. And it wasn't an act. It was so in her, you know, and she, at that point had already been around the block. So it wasn't her first rodeo, but she like, even in her losing moments was so instinctively able to be gracious with her competitors. And she would always make time to sign autographs. And I can see how that fed her, you know, I mean, you and I had a little offline conversation about the sort of the energy, I mean, being a catalyst actually, but she was someone that I just witnessed time and time again, I would be in awe of, because I don't even think it was that she had programmed herself to be this way, but certainly she was aware of it. And I think again, I mean, I've talked a lot about awareness in the context of my book, but it's awareness is a big part of this brand building conversation too, because it's thinking about all the touch points. It's, it's in your quiet moments. Being able to think like, have I shown up the way that I have, I truly shown up the way I want to be today? Not just am I being perceived that way, but how am I showing up? You know, and, and these days with social media, I swear it's the trickiest thing ever because so much of how people perceive you comes from that. And it's a lot of people that don't know you that well, that would never have had access to in any way right now, even, you know, we're all public figures suddenly in that respect. Um, I remember like, I'm, I'm such a workaholic. So this really rubbed me the wrong way. But many years ago, this guy who we peripherally worked with made an offhanded comment to one of my employees, like Amy's always on vacation. And I was like, oh my God, that's like, that could not be further. I mean, I'm working. I wish I had taken some photos on my vacation sitting with my computer, but the fact is, um, it was good. You know, it was helpful. So like listening for feedback like that, you know, and then making a change accordingly. I don't not post about my vacations because those are my happy times and that's what I use it for, but I can own it. But realizing that all these ways and you can't control how everybody feels about you, this is the reality, but being proactive about your value set, how that's showing up in the world, just like again, a consciousness and awareness around it, realizing that little things really matter a lot. I watch on as examples when, when some of our clients on social media are really proactive about communicating with their fan base and how that goes such a long way. I mean the little things, um, you know, so many people, big athletes, a lot of times they have someone managing their social circle or not even doing it themselves, but I see what a huge difference it makes when someone feels like they've received something personal, you know, and that's the same as the autograph signing moment. So what are the personal touches? It doesn't have to be those specific examples, but how do you connect with people? Are you on clubhouse? No, I see a lot of chatter about it. Okay. Well, we can have a whole separate conversation about that, but it's interesting because I was on it starting December, I think, and in the beginning it was really fun because this is very Sarah, there, they're all these serendipitous moments, which obviously had not been possible for an extended period of time due to the pandemic. And everybody's on there talking about building a personal brand and I, and everybody's launching coaching programs and everybody can help you launch your coaching program. And it was sort of like, it was overwhelming on a number of levels because I've been doing this my whole life. And I thought it's a good exam. I mean, I had mixed feelings on one hand. I'm like, it's cool that everybody's talking about this. I was probably aside from NF, aside from cryptocurrency or Bitcoin, the second most talked about thing on clubhouse at the time with building your brand. But I, I think there's, it's like, it's not, there's not a rule book and there's, it's, there's a lot of nuance to it, but it's, it is about showing up in a like, again, I think it starts with here. It starts with doing the work and understanding what you're about and making sure that that's what you're communicating to the world and not, you know, I think about it in the context of the types of clients that I take on, are these people aligned with me? Are they people that I feel like I can go out there and really represent because it's there, I'm an extension of their brand. They are an extension of my brand and not just my personal brand, but a Stanton and company. It's all these little choices that we may just think, oh, we're making this choice because it's the right thing to do financially. But ultimately everything has these bigger implications. So it's really like, and I don't think we ever would have known it would have been like this.

Speaker 1: 33:05

So the thing comes to mind as you went through, I think every single thing you mentioned there, it seems to apply as much to a friendship or a parenting relationship or someone's personal Facebook thing has nothing to do with selling new shoes or coffee cups. It sounds like it's the same staff. Am I missing anything there?

Speaker 2: 33:29

I love that. You're so right. I mean, really, I, again, I sound like a broken record, but I guess authenticity is kind of at the core of everything that I think about. So how do we let strip stuff back in ourselves to be authentic? That's really what the book is about, but that's what brand building is about too. So like it's not about projecting something that we're not, it's about understanding what we are and figuring out how to connect with the world around that. And, you know, we're always growing and evolving and that's, I think an important part too, because at the end of the day, people, oftentimes I think are held back because they're like, oh, well this is who I am in the world. And I don't know if I can go in this other direction, but if you've been authentic with your audience all along, then they're going to be fired up for you to evolve and change as we all do, as long as you're continually authentic with them.

Speaker 1: 34:27

So let's chase the rabbit trail here. Um, identity, you, you, you have your identity, whether you're a Steph Curry identity, Becky Hammon identity, or just Brad over here on the side. What, when you're authentic, you're also going to see pieces of you where you go. Not sure. I totally love that piece. That's something I'm growing in. That's something I need to enhance. I was journaling this morning and I literally wrote identity. I'm realizing this about myself and that's an area I need to grow. Like that was something I was discussing with myself. I didn't plan to tell you about it. What, what then? Because then the authentic piece it's authentic, but it's not great. That piece of me, that's not great. So any guidance there with that, whether athlete or individual?

Speaker 2: 35:17

Well, here's the thing I think the worst thing we all can do is hide. So that maybe we've been taught that, you know, maybe we've been taught that we can't show these things, but you know, let's just discussing it as the first step. You know, then you can work through it. Like no one expects anyone to be perfect. That may be the perception. You know, I think that again with public figures, that's your harvest. There's an assumption that people need to be perfect, but no one is. So I think people who have done the best job of building personal brands, I'm not saying let it all hang out, but they kind of show the ups and the downs and not, not feel like it has to be this perfect picture because people can't access that, you know, I mean, and lots of public figures, like one of the Palo Alto had gotten a lot of heat for being too perfect. I mean, people hate her for that, you know, but the fact is she isn't, she's had rough times, anyone who knows anything about her knows she's had rough times, has she really thrown it out there? Maybe not. You know, and again, I'm not in charge of her, so she should do,

Speaker 1: 36:26

Obviously

Speaker 2: 36:27

She's doing just fine. I have a lot of respect for people who do bring kind of not bring all the problems to the surface, but are comfortable with their challenges. And we're all, yeah. As you said, we're all doing that every day. Like there are definitely parts of me that I'm not enthralled by and I, when they surface, I think, okay, how am I dealing with that? You know, am I learning from it? Am I going to be better the next time? Or am I going to just keep repeating the same bad habit? So like, if I shove it under the rug, it's more likely that I'm just going to probably repeat it because I'm not actually addressing it. But if I look it in the mirror and go look, it's okay, let's accept this.

Speaker 1: 37:15

And, and, and this comes out of your book to a point, but what's the upside. So, okay. I don't like this part about high responding to that situation, but I like this piece of how I responded to this situation. So how can I then keep this piece and work on growing in the rest of that? And so I think that's where you talking about the exploration, the authenticity, the conversation, whether it's with a coach or counselor, a friend or mentor, whoever it might be. And that's what you're talking about. You're saying let's not throw out the descriptor, let's look more in detail. The descriptor find the good pieces, apply the good pieces, and then let's, let's make some adjustments over here. So we're not crying every day at work for seven hours, but we're not disappointed when something moves us to tears because it matters to us so much.

Speaker 2: 38:07

Yes. Thank you. But you couldn't, I couldn't have put it better. So here's an example. So, and again, it goes, it ties into the book as well. I be a mama bear is another one of, you know, so this is about being fiercely protective, et cetera. I definitely become very fiercely protective of my team. So there've been a couple of occasions. If we had talked three months ago, there have only been one occasion, but there's been a second occasion recently where a client will say or do something that I, that puts me over the edge and my version of over the edge. It's not like I'm screaming it. Like, it's very evident that I am not happy. And I don't, you know, especially women, we're not really allowed to express that, you know, it's harder. Like women have a heart. We have a hard time being angry. Seems like the worst thing ever, but by the way, anger can be productive. But I was I'll refresh this example from a few years ago where this person on the call implied that my team was lying about something. And I just, I said, look, I I'm done here at the end of it. If you think that that's possible, then we're not a good fit. I'm not going to sit here on a call and have you accusing my team of being dishonest. Integrity is at the heart of my business. The way I operate, the way my team operates and it's completely unacceptable. And I it's just so crazy because I, it takes a lot for me to get to that point. Let's see, you know, and I remember getting off of this call. I mean, we separated, it all worked out fine. I mean, we went our separate ways, which was for the best, but getting off and having that kind of like calmed down period where I'm like, what just happened? Could I have been more calm? Probably could I have gotten off the call and had a separate conversation that wasn't just a reactive, like, here we are. But so, you know, I learned, I thought, you know, not that I haven't won't do it again, but I, I learned, but when I re evaluated that conversation, it also became super clear. And I still hear about it to this day, how grateful my team was and that they felt so cared for. And that I really had faith in them and that they didn't have to worry. They knew I had their back. And so, you know, that that's a perfect example of what you're talking about, which is do the work go, what could I have done differently? What would have been better? I didn't love feeling like that obviously, but what was the upside? And every situation has both.

Speaker 1: 40:51

Alright. Alright. You wrote just a couple more, you wrote your book in 2018 or it came out, then you were probably writing it for the last couple of years before that if you were to rewrite it today, is there something you'd add in there? You're like, oh, if I could peel that cover back and add in another chapter or tweak something, what would be that tweak?

Speaker 2: 41:10

Hmm. I love that question, Brad. I think you're the first person to ask that. It's interesting. I actually don't know. It was hard is when you write a book, the minute you turn it in, you're like, oh God, what have I done? Um, and there's, there's, you know, there's so much, I love about it. And then I'm highly critical of myself. So of course they're just, you know, I would, they're just things I've learned since that would probably be useful references, but there wasn't, there's not one overarching thing that I think would change the course of things. Like what was so important was that it feel very inclusive period for anyone and everyone, no matter what your background is, male or female or beyond, you know, all of it. It's just, I wanted, we wanted it to feel like anyone and everyone could get something out of it. So I wonder there, there have been a couple of times. I mean, I, again, I'm thinking out loud where I've read the intro or the conclusion and wish that maybe we hadn't spoken as directly to women, even though we do very clearly talk about the importance of this for boys and men in those, both of those sections too, maybe there would have been a way to make it more inclusive. But sometimes I think sometimes I think that when you do stuff like that, like if you try to make something too general, you're not speaking to anyone. Yeah. And I, again, I think this was such an important conversation for women specifically. Yeah. I think something that, so it's a kind of a question mark on that.

Speaker 1: 42:54

How do people follow you? This is great stuff, Amy, how do people keep track of you? You're on Twitter, you're on different spots. You mentioned clubhouse. I'm not there, but for other people that might be what are the best two or three ways to keep track of what you're up to

Speaker 2: 43:06

Amy Kay, Stanton everywhere

Speaker 1: 43:09

That makes it easy.

Speaker 2: 43:11

It's so easy. And then the company website, stanton-company.com and then there's still an Instagram and Facebook for the feminine revolution, which is feminine revolution book.

Speaker 1: 43:25

Perfect. Perfect. Thank you so much. This was fantastic. Really appreciate it. Thanks.

Speaker 2: 43:29

He brought, I really enjoyed it. And you do you have the best radio voice,

Speaker 1: 43:33

The banks, great insights. Thanks to Amy Stanton. Again, her book is titled the feminine revolution and it's co-authored with Katherine Connor. Thanks for tuning into the number one podcast for health and wellness coaching. And thank you for sharing the podcast with friends as that makes such a different more than, you know, this is our 176 episode and each one of these involved somewhere around seven hours of work in terms of editing and prep and all those kinds of things. So I'll admit sometimes I question investing that much time, but when someone tells us it was recommended to them, it brings a smile and makes it worth it. Next week's guest is the only person in the history of our podcast to join us three times, MBA HWC executive director and nationally board certified health and wellness coach Leanne Webster. There's a very good reason. She's our only three-peat guest. And you'll understand that reason when you hear the interview. Now it's time to be a catalyst on this journey of life, the chance to make a positive difference in the world while simultaneously improving our own lives, which is the essence of being a catalyst, the Dr. Bradford Cooper, the catalyst coaching Institute, make it a great rest of your week. And I'll speak with you soon on the next episode of the catalyst, health, wellness, and performance coaching podcast, or maybe you're on the YouTube cooking show.