Grit and Gratitude: How to Face Change With Courage

I’m honoured to introduce you to Laura Bratton in this episode. At the age of nine, Laura was diagnosed with an eye disease and faced the difficult reality that she would become blind. Over the next ten years she experienced the traumatic transition of adjusting to life without sight. She is the author of the book, Harnessing Courage, and she founded Ubi Global, which is an organization that provides speaking and coaching to empower all people to overcome challenges and obstacles with grit and gratitude.

Our conversation today is about the differences between grit and grind, how gratitude can be a tool for moving forward through the grief of profound change, and finding new sources of strength through community and courage. Most of all, we focus on the role of choice in navigating change and grief--listen to learn more about this key element in facing change with courage.

I hope you'll both enjoy this episode and find it inspiring, as I did. And remember--the safest place to be, especially during a time of change, is connected to yourself. From there, you can go anywhere. 

Find out more about Laura here:  https://www.laurabratton.com

Transcript

Hello and welcome to the podcast. Today my guest is Laura Bratton, and she has an amazing story of resilience, grit, determination, and gratitude. As a young girl, nine years old, a very tender age, she began losing her vision. And this was a game changer, obviously a life changing game changer, obviously. And she takes us through her story, how it unfolded for her and the lessons she's learned. She's got a lot of really good things for all of us to hear. So welcome to the conversation and welcome to the podcast. 

Mary Louder, DO: Well, welcome, Laura. We're so glad that you could take some time out of your day and schedule to join us here on the podcast, to really share with us your inspiring story of overcoming things, that overcoming really something that none of us would ever want to face, right?

Laura Bratton: Yes, yes. Thank you for the opportunity and the just the gift of being able to share.

Mary Louder, DO: Yeah. So start with it. You know, the way your, your bio reads, it was really at age nine that things took a turn. But before we get to that, I'd like you to share with me what you recall of your life before age nine. What was your life like when you were a youngin like that?

Laura Bratton: If I had to use one word, it would be fearless. I was the outgoing, extroverted kid that was afraid of absolutely nothing. I spent every waking moment outside. The only time I was not outside is when I was sleeping. Okay. And I have one older brother who's five years older. And I say that because since he's five years older. Oh, my goal in life is a kid was to keep up with both the boys and girls that were five years older than me. Sure. So I was always doing the activities I probably shouldn't have been doing five years younger. Right. But I was I was making my mom very nervous. But yeah. Fearless. Fearless. Fearless.

Mary Louder, DO: So did you learn to ride your bike early then?

Laura Bratton: Oh, one hundred percent. And we had a street that was very hilly. And I thought it was the best thing in the world to go as fast as I could down the hill. No handlebars. Hands up in the air.

Mary Louder, DO: Love it. I did the same type of thing. I did the same type of thing. Yep, I love going. No look, Ma. No handed. Right.

Laura Bratton: Watch this. You know, because all the big kids were doing it right. Of course, I should be able to do it right. I often-- not often. I always forgot my age. I assumed I was their age.

Mary Louder, DO: Yeah. I think, you know, and I imagine that you really developed a lot of your motor skills much, much sooner.

Laura Bratton: Much sooner. Absolutely. Again, because I just wanted to keep up with them, right? So it's like, no, I'm not going to crawl and then walk and then run. I'm going to go from nothing to running. Right?

Mary Louder, DO: Right.

Laura Bratton: Like who has time for all this? So yes.

Mary Louder, DO: So, nine is a tender age, isn't it?

Laura Bratton: Yes.

Mary Louder, DO: And there's a lot of things that we know with psychological development, um, identity concrete into more abstract and things that occur with girls around nine anyway. So I saw this in your story as kind of a critical point, a critical juncture. Um, so describe what happened when you were nine and what, you know, how that part of your story unfolded

Laura Bratton: So, the, the fearless child had an appointment with the pediatric ophthalmologist. Just the regular yearly checkup because my parents had noticed, you know, she's holding books a little bit closer to her face. So my mom just made an appointment. We thought it was going to be routine and go on with my fearless life. In that appointment, that's when the doctors looked at me and said, there's a major problem going on with her retinas. We need to refer her to a retina specialist. So that started a summer of doctor's appointments. That doctor's appointments, the end of that summer, I ended up in Emory University in Atlanta, and that's where I received the diagnosis of, not an exact formal diagnosis, but the diagnosis of your daughter has a super rare retinal eye disease. Her vision will decrease, but we can't tell you what rate.

Mary Louder, DO: Okay.

Laura Bratton: As a nine year old, all-- Yes, I heard that, yes, I can still remember being in that doct-- in the, you know, the doctor's office exam room when they told us that. Yet I couldn't emotionally, mentally process what that meant for my future.

Mary Louder, DO: Mhm.

Laura Bratton: Because just as you perfectly described, concrete, in my nine year old mind, I could see now. Right. So I was always going to see, right. Like, why would life be any different?

Mary Louder, DO: Right?

Laura Bratton: The emotional component didn't come until I was a teenager and started losing a significant amount of sight.

Mary Louder, DO: Okay. What what age was that?

Laura Bratton: So that was the very end of eighth grade. And then all of it was ninth grade. And then by the time I graduated from high school, I didn't have any sight at all. So I have, what I have now is very limited light perception. Today on a rainy, cloudy day, just foggy. I'm very, very, very little light perception on a sunny, clear day, I will have more, but no usable vision.

Mary Louder, DO: Okay, so really no shapes or objects. Just some sense of light.

Laura Bratton: Right. Right.

Mary Louder, DO: Okay, so that would be almost like a near complete blindness.

Laura Bratton: Absolutely. One hundred percent. Definitely is. Yes.

Mary Louder, DO: So that is, you know, and again, I think what struck me in your story was the, the tenderness of the years through which you went through with that.

Laura Bratton: Yes.

Mary Louder, DO: Um, what was your support system during that time? What did that look like?

Laura Bratton: So that was the absolute gift. And that's the only reason you and I are sitting here having this conversation today. And I mean that very, very, very literal. So in those high school years, As I went through this grief process of losing my sight, the grief was so overwhelming. The anxiety was deep and manifested in constant panic attacks. The depression was incredibly severe. I was saying, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I share all that to say as that was my mental state. The gift was my support system. And they didn't say through their words, but they said through their actions, we believe in you.

Mary Louder, DO: Mhm.

Laura Bratton: And I want to give I want to give you two examples that specifically how my parents taught me this and modeled you're so you and you can keep going. We just need to make accommodations.

Mary Louder, DO: Mhm.

Laura Bratton: And they did that in two very specific ways. One major way was, as I was literally living in panic attacks and just so extremely depressed. They would just remind me every day. Laura, all we have to do is focus on today and within today. All we need to focus on is this hour.

Mary Louder, DO: Mhm.

Laura Bratton: So you getting up, focusing on getting breakfast, getting to school on time. That's accomplishment for the day. And that's all we need to focus on. We don't have to figure out your whole life plan.

Mary Louder, DO: Mhm.

Laura Bratton: As a sophomore in high school. Right. Right. So when I was literally being mentally shut down by the future, they were instilling in me, be in the present. Literally live moment by moment.

Mary Louder, DO: Mhm.

Laura Bratton: So that was an incredible gift. The other major gift that I really want to share this story because it perfectly illustrates the support system around me. So towards the end of high school, I thought in my brilliant, I guess by now, like seventeen year old mind. Oh, I'm just going to use blindness as an excuse to get out of everything I don't want to do in life. Okay. I thought as a teenager, that's a great idea, right? Use your resources. I can't see if I don't want to do something, I'm going to say I can't do it because I can't see. So one night my mom said, Laura, I need you to unload the dishwasher. So I again, in my mind, I had this all planned out and I said, Oh Mom. Of course, very dramatically, as a teenage girl's perfect at. I said, Oh, Mom, there is no way I can unload the dishwasher. I'm going blind. Like she had no clue. Right, right.

Mary Louder, DO: First time she heard it.

Laura Bratton: First time she heard I was going to be willing to tell her, right? But I'm going blind, so I can't put the silverware in the silverware drawer. And she is now, then, was an elementary school teacher. So I said that to, to, you understand her voice. She turned around. She looked at me and she said, Laura, unload the dishwasher. And then she walked out of the kitchen. And I also want to remind you, I was raised in South Carolina. So when your mom says that, you don't ask questions, like.

Mary Louder, DO: I'm surprised she didn't put you in the corner.

Laura Bratton: Oh, it was going there if I'd said anything else. And then this whole as this whole interaction is happening, my dad is in the den and he's not jumping up and coming to my rescue. He's not saving the day. And I literally said and thought, y'all are the meanest parents in the world. Like, dad, you're not going to my rescue. And mom, you're not hitting me. You're making me unload the dishwasher. Like, how cruel can you be, right? So of course, with anger, I unloaded the dishwasher. The reason I share that story and why I remember it thirty years later, is because what they were teaching me is if they, if, if my mom said, you're right, don't unload the dishwasher. My dad had jumped up and said, oh, honey, you're right. Let me unload the dishwasher for you. That would have taught me, oh, I can get out of everything I don't want to do with the blindness.

Mary Louder, DO: Yeah.

Laura Bratton: Them saying unload the dishwasher, end of story.

Mary Louder, DO: Right.

Laura Bratton: Taught me through their actions. You're still worthy. We still believe in you. We're still holding you to the same expectations, the same standards. You just need accommodations made.

Mary Louder, DO: Mhm.

Laura Bratton: So that's what I mean about, if I didn't believe in myself, others were believing in me.

Mary Louder, DO: Nice. You know, you describe a perfect scene that in the psychological literature that's called the Karpman triangle. Where, uh, your mom was technically the persecutor, your father was the rescuer, and you were the victim. And so this, this triangle of dysfunctional communication that people get stuck on. And the only way out of that situation is to get off the triangle, which your mother did. So without even knowing it, she just blew that whole concept right up. And there you were standing. You could not be a victim.

Laura Bratton: Couldn't be a victim. And that was her whole goal, right? And my dad's goal too.

Mary Louder, DO: Right. And so your dad was just going to rescue you, and then you were just going to, you know, play the victim. And your mom stepped off the triangle and stopped that dysfunction. So that's just a beautiful story.

Laura Bratton: Now, I want to make it clear, I, as you describe that triangle, that was the triangle in my head.

Mary Louder, DO: Uh huh.

Laura Bratton: Like he I, I knew good and well, there was no rescuing from him. Like he was going to, like, instill confidence and belief in me. It was in my head. I had said, oh, this is how this story is going to go. I'm going to play victim. I'm going to say, I can't unload. Mom, if, you know, she lets me off, great. If she doesn't, I'll just use dad as my backup to come rescue me. And none of them followed my plan.

Mary Louder, DO: Yeah, they did not. They were smarter and they just they knew that, you know, just as their parenting skill to not stay what we would say on the triangle. So that's just a beautiful story. Beautiful story. So then what happened after high school? Because I'm assuming if you're fearless, you go through this huge life changing disruption that's permanent. The mindset, the challenges, the grief. You know, Brene Brown talks about anguish as one level of grief that's beyond, you know, grief. It's where your legs buckle from underneath you. Your bones crush, the wind's knocked out of you, you know. And those feelings are more deeply than just saying, well, I'm sad or--

Laura Bratton: Yeah. And that's where I was living. Yes, one hundred percent.

Mary Louder, DO: Yeah. And, you know, it's a, it's a, it's an appropriate emotion. It's an appropriate feeling. Yes. It's an appropriate and valid, uh, experience that way. But as you, you know, so then you were how or, yeah, how did you find your sense, then, of getting your legs back underneath you?

Laura Bratton: Once I had that support around me, that support of parents, of brother, of friends, of community, that then gave me the legs underneath me to say, okay, self, I've received this great, incredible support. Now how am I going to respond to it?

Mary Louder, DO: Mhm.

Laura Bratton: I have a choice. And going back to that, that model you talked about, I can continue trying to be victim and trying to scream like, would you people please just pity me? Like, I can try to, like, force myself to stay in that victim, or I can choose to take that support and continue forward and regain and rebuild my confidence and just self love and self compassion. And so because of the support I've received that empowered me to regain those legs under me and say, okay, this is really, really, really, really, really hard in a sense, in a state of anguish. And I choose to rebuild.

Laura Bratton: Mhm.

Mary Louder, DO: So some of the practice of that, I imagine, were things like Braille, machines, other tools that came in to your life, which is like a new language.

Laura Bratton: Yes, one hundred percent.

Mary Louder, DO: Yeah. Describe what that was like and what I mean, because one of the words that keeps coming up in your document here too, is grit. And grit is an inward facing strength versus grind that is an outward facing emotion and outward facing task.

Laura Bratton: Right?

Mary Louder, DO: But I would imagine that sometimes those words got flipped around.

Laura Bratton: Yes. So the way that I define grit is, I love, love, love Doctor Angela Duckworth's work.

Mary Louder, DO: Okay.

Laura Bratton: And she talks about grit as we, yes, we have those long term goals. But within those long term goals, we have small manageable daily goals. So what I learned for myself is, yes, my end goal is learning how to live life as a person without sight in a sighted world.

Laura Bratton: Mhm.

Laura Bratton: That's the absolute end goal. But the day to day grit I need is choosing to experience the hard and then still move forward in a very practical. What I mean by that practical example, as you're talking about, yes, there are so many tools and adaptations you have to use. In between the few months in between high school and college, I got my first guide dog.

Laura Bratton: Mhm.

Laura Bratton: And I very vividly remember the afternoon that I was going to receive the guide dog, that I'd be introduced to her. I remember just sitting on the bed in San Francisco, three hundred, three, three hundred? Hello, three thousand miles away from home and thinking, okay, I've received incredible support. I've made the decision to come here to get this guide dog. Now it's time for me to live into that grit every single day, and as we literally physically move forward as a team, to also emotionally move forward. So the way that I define grit is acknowledging the hard and then choosing to still move forward. So it's not a--I thank you for saying that, I love how you explained the grind. It's not the grind of just push on, move on, suck it up, get over it, deal with it. Right?

Laura Bratton: Right.

Laura Bratton: It's that, what you said perfectly. The internal grit of acknowledging I'm still incredibly anxious.

Laura Bratton: Mhm.

Laura Bratton: And I choose to focus on today.

Laura Bratton: Mhm.

Mary Louder, DO: And I think the word that, the other word that you use very commonly in all your sentences is I choose.

Laura Bratton: Yes. yes.

Mary Louder, DO: And you know, when a patient looks at any type of chronic illness, no matter what, it is, uh, as devastating as losing your sight or as common as hypertension or diabetes, or you still have a choice as a patient as to how you're going to engage, how you're going to face that, how you're going to find tools, support, and help to gain, regain, restore, strengthen, and allow the body to heal.

Laura Bratton: One thousand percent.

Mary Louder, DO: Yeah. And even in the face of losing sight, there's a healing that can occur. Do you think that that's possible?

Laura Bratton: Absolutely. And because that's been I say absolutely because that was my lived experience.

Laura Bratton: Yeah.

Laura Bratton: And what I want to make very, very clear is not like a magical. Clearly, I haven't regained my sight. It's not like a magical physical healing. And it's also not some magical emotional healing of, I never experienced the grief, anxiety, depression, the sadness, the anger again.

Laura Bratton: Right.

Laura Bratton: The healing is the choice.

Laura Bratton: Yes.

Laura Bratton: Every single day I choose the grit. I choose the gratitude. I choose to acknowledge the deep anxiety and then still choose to move forward.

Laura Bratton: Yeah.

Laura Bratton: So healing is not some magical process.

Laura Bratton: Mhm.

Laura Bratton: It's something we we choose every day.

Laura Bratton: Yes.

Mary Louder, DO: And there are some patients that I've sat with that their healing came unlike yours, in the midst of your circumstances. Theirs came when they actually departed this world.

Laura Bratton: Yeah.

Laura Bratton: A thousand percent.

Laura Bratton: A thousand percent.

Mary Louder, DO: Which could--yeah. An ultimate healing, right? At some level, if we're talking issues or leaning into the soul and the spirit and things like that. And I think that that's really important because, you know, grief, you know, we assume rightfully and a little bit, a little bit misaligned way that grief is always about loss. It's, it is loss. But the primary definition of grief is change. It's the primary definition. Something has changed.

Laura Bratton: Changed. One hundred percent. And that perfectly sums up my experience because yes, I was losing my vision, but the grief was the change. Right? Like adapting and adjusting to the incredible change. Yes, that change was started by vision loss. Yet the change was equally as valid and hard and traumatic. Yes.

Mary Louder, DO: And that can be, too, the grief of what could be what was supposed to be, you know. And without, you know, being, you know, unkind or disrespectful, the vision of your future.

Laura Bratton: Right?

Laura Bratton: A thousand percent. Yeah. Especially a real world example is I'm a teenager. I'm losing my sight as my friends are getting their driver's license. That was a huge change. I had to grieve that that'll never be in my reality.

Laura Bratton: Yeah.

Mary Louder, DO: So here's, this might be a little bit of a tough question. And if you don't want to answer it, say no, thank you.

Laura Bratton: That's totally fine.

Mary Louder, DO: Um, did people bully you?

Laura Bratton: It was not bullying. It was isolation. Let me explain what I mean by that. It was not, uh. Well, okay. I think of bullying as like a direct attack. It one hundred percent was not that. What it was, was people just ignoring my presence, my existence.

Laura Bratton: Yeah.

0Laura Bratton: That, that was the difficulty.

Laura Bratton: Yeah.

Mary Louder, DO: And unfortunately, that goes with the adage of out of sight, out of mind. But that was literally the reverse, wasn't it?

Right, right, right. It was like, we don't know how to talk to you. And so we're just going to act like you not you don't exist. I mean, I can't tell you how many conversations I've been in, let's say with four people. And it's a three way conversation.

Laura Bratton: Yeah, yeah.

Mary Louder, DO: So after high school, you've got your, you know, they say your world, world is your oyster. Your world was a different oyster.

Laura Bratton: Right.

Mary Louder, DO: Than what you were born into.

Laura Bratton: Right.

Mary Louder, DO: And the grit, and you remember grit inside of a oyster gives you what? A pearl.

Laura Bratton: Pearl.

Mary Louder, DO: Right? That's how pearls come. So what was the gift going into young adulthood that you found in going through your circumstances.

Laura Bratton: Learning deep self love and self compassion.

Laura Bratton: Okay.

Mary Louder, DO: That one gave me goosebumps. Well done. Those are not easy lessons.

Laura Bratton: Those are not easy. And I, I, I can definitely expand on each of those.

Mary Louder, DO: Yeah.

Laura Bratton: Because and again, this goes back that perfectly goes with your question of did you experience bullying. And no, it was that, that, I don't know if you call it interaction because of, what interaction? But that experience of feeling that I'm invisible.

Mary Louder, DO: Mhm.

Laura Bratton: Again, it goes back to choice. I had to learn self love because I had the choice. Was I going to say, okay, since other people, not everyone by any means, but because some people are treating me as invisible. Is that my worth?

Mary Louder, DO: Mhm.

Laura Bratton: Am I invisible to this world? Is my purpose invisible? Maybe that's how I should love myself, right?

Mary Louder, DO: Mhm.

Laura Bratton: I had to make the choice to say in that, in the people that, that support me, in the people that treat me invisible, you know, in all of it, I choose to love and value myself.

Mary Louder, DO: Mhm.

Laura Bratton: And what goes perfectly with that? And what I mean by that self-love is the self-compassion.

Mary Louder, DO: Mhm.

Laura Bratton: And that was so hard because like most of us, I'm my worst critic.

Mary Louder, DO: Mhm.

Laura Bratton: I'm so judgy. You know, I'm quick to give other people compliments, but not myself.

Mary Louder, DO: Right.

Laura Bratton: What had to shift for me and what I had to learn is offering, like, what would I say to my very best friend. What would I say? Just about her well-being. Her, just, sense of who she was, her meaning, her purpose in the world when she's having good times, and bad times, in all of it, I would support her.

Mary Louder, DO: Mhm.

Laura Bratton: Once I learned to offer that support, that compassion to myself, it was a game changer. That's when I love-- realized self-love.

Mary Louder, DO: Yeah. Yeah.

Mary Louder, DO: That's amazing. Because people spend their entire life trying to learn that.

Laura Bratton: Yes.

Mary Louder, DO: And the fact that you learned that as an early young woman is pretty doggone amazing. Um, given all the circumstances you were literally facing.

Laura Bratton: Yes. Yes.

Mary Louder, DO: So then you went off into independence, right? Uh, living on your own, doing your thing and finding your way.

Laura Bratton: Yes.

Mary Louder, DO: What did that, what would, what was that like for you?

Laura Bratton: Again, it was it was turning towards that grit. And again, what I mean by that, not this air of like, I can do anything in the world, you know, like not this like Pollyanna, it's all going to be great. But that day to day, what do I need for today?

Laura Bratton: Right.

Laura Bratton: Okay. I've moved to a new place. What's a, literally who is reaching out to people I knew saying, hey, do you know a therapist in the area I can connect with, you know, just all those logistic taking care of my mind, body, spirit. That's, that is one hundred percent the key. I can't emphasize that enough in the importance that has been in my life, or the healing is just always making that mind body, spirit connection part of my lifestyle, not something I do every once in a while or a six week cleanse or, you know, like a, I want to focus on gratitude for six weeks, but constantly having routines that care for my mind, body, spirit, healing just throughout my life, throughout the good, the bad, all of it.

Laura Bratton: Right.

Mary Louder, DO: And then you talk about gratitude as a source of strength. Um, leaning back into some of Brene Brown's work. Again, gratitude comes from a place of open heartedness and also of, um, things being kind of in a good, in a sense of, you know, in a good way. Um, but I think gratitude could be in addition to that, can be a tool to get to dig us out of some places that aren't so good. So what was your experience with gratitude and how did that work for you?

Laura Bratton: One hundred percent. And I love, love, love how you said a tool to get us out of the difficult places. Yeah, that's where I am now. Let me explain to you, just to give context, I want to make it very clear. I didn't wake up one day and say, oh, this is going to be a tool to help me move forward. Right? Like, I did not view gratitude that way. I viewed gratitude as a way to cover up our real emotions. Oh, just be grateful and be positive and be thankful for everything.

Mary Louder, DO: Mhm.

Laura Bratton: And somehow, just all your other emotions will magically go away.

Mary Louder, DO: Mm. Mhm.

Laura Bratton: And it was one conversation with a mentor that changed that perspective.

Mary Louder, DO: Mhm.

Laura Bratton: So a mentor said to me, Laura, I want you to start writing down three things every day that you're grateful for. And I want you to go to the end of your day so that you're very specific to reflect back on that day so that it's, it's three things, people, events from that day so that you're not repeating.

Mary Louder, DO: Mhm.

Laura Bratton: Well, in my head I'm thinking, lady, you're not a good mentor. But remember, I'm from South Carolina, so I don't say that out loud. I smile and nod, but I'm thinking, okay, I'm gonna prove her wrong. I'm gonna be her mentor, right? Like, because I'm thinking. I'm anxious. I'm depressed. I'm losing my sight. Are you kidding me? There's nothing to be grateful for. And my goal was to hand her a blank sheet of paper.

Mary Louder, DO: Mhm.

Laura Bratton: The one day became three days. The three days became a week. A week became a month. And what I realized was what she meant by gratitude.

Mary Louder, DO: Yeah.

Laura Bratton: She. And let me give you a very practical example. She was not teaching me to be grateful for anything and everything to cover up my other emotions. She wasn't using it as a band aid.

Mary Louder, DO: Mhm.

Laura Bratton: She was teaching me gratitude as what you perfectly said, a tool to get us out and to move us forward. So she was not teaching me. Wake up and say I'm grateful for the blindness. She was teaching me to wake up and say, I'm grateful for this guide dog that helps me navigate the world.

Mary Louder, DO: Mhm.

Laura Bratton: So it's a tool to help us navigate through the difficulty, not cover up the difficulty or the real, the-- I can't talk. The reality of our difficult situation. So I want to make that distinction very, very clear. It's not gratitude. Like I can't talk. Toxic positivity, right? But it's a resource.

Mary Louder, DO: Yeah, I think that's a really good point because you describe also, too, another thing of external locus of control or internal locus of control. And the external locus of control can be things that are told to us rules, regulations, legalism, uh, standards put upon us that we apply ourselves to. Instead using a, you know, having the definitions of all the things you are facing or taking the guide dog, using it as a tool to navigate your day and saying, I'm going to figure this out. And I'm, you know, and so that becomes an internal thing because you're making that decision and you are again, once again in the driver's seat saying, I'm going to go forward with this. I'm making a choice.

Laura Bratton: Right.

Mary Louder, DO: Yeah.

Laura Bratton: Big difference. Thank you for explaining that because it's complete difference, right?

Mary Louder, DO: It is. So, and the fact that, you know, um, the fact that you understood that and I'm sure and like all of us, no matter what we're facing, we have days and times that we want to not face those things, right?

Laura Bratton: Right.

Mary Louder, DO: But the fact that in the, in the literally in the face of the circumstances, you said, I'm going to choose to go forward.

Laura Bratton: Yes.

Mary Louder, DO: That, that's vulnerability and courage, which is one of the, you know, it's a huge, huge, um, I don't e-- I don't even think it's a gift. I think it's a medal. I think you earned that one.

Laura Bratton: Thank you.

Mary Louder, DO: That wasn't gifted to you.

Laura Bratton: No.

Laura Bratton: That, again, that was, and I'm not saying this. I mean this deeply. I'm not just saying this as a cliche. That was my choice, right? I had to choose vulnerability and choose courage and still do every single day.

Mary Louder, DO: Yes.

Laura Bratton: It's not a one time decision.

Mary Louder, DO: Right. Yeah.

Mary Louder, DO: So that is just, I mean, in and of itself, no matter what, that is one of the most inspiring things, um, you know, to, to hear from you and how you really took all those tools, even, you know, and it kind of chuckles about, I wonder what you would be like if you lived in the North with us up here. Or the Midwest, where we're very kind, but we sometimes then just don't do what you ask us to do. That's another way. But I'm not saying that that's me. I'm saying I've heard that being done.

Laura Bratton: That is awesome. No, it's--

Laura Bratton: Yeah, no, I totally agree. I, I'm like, gosh, if I was raised in the northeast, it'd just be easier to be more direct, right? And I probably would have just said no, lady.

Mary Louder, DO: Right, right. It would, it would, it would have been a bit of a knock down drag out. It would have been.

Laura Bratton: It would have. There would have been some cussing involved.

Mary Louder, DO: Yeah, yeah. That's alright. You know, there's interestingly, there's a study that was published that people who cuss are actually more intelligent. So I'm pretty smart, but I won't use those other words.

Laura Bratton: Can I tell my mom that? Can I--

Mary Louder, DO: You can.

Laura Bratton: Can I text my mom and tell her that? Because she's, even now as I'm forty one and you know, she's seventy five, she's like, don't say that young lady. I'm like, mom, I'm forty years old.

Mary Louder, DO: Exactly. Yeah. It's really, it's, it's a true, uh, refereed, uh, article journal and study. So I quote it frequently with a variety of colorful words.

Laura Bratton: That's awesome. That is. I'm going to tell her that on Thanksgiving.

Mary Louder, DO: Yeah. I just say I'm really damn smart. That's all.

Laura Bratton: That is awesome.

Mary Louder, DO: Oh, so what would be, you know, your, you really have a wonderful platform. You've, I've, you know, on your website, it's a beautiful description of a lot of, lot of things you've done, you know, different places you've spoken, you've done a TED talk, it looks like, and you've done a variety of things where you've become now a mentor to those, and I would, I would dare say and, and maybe I'm too bold in saying this, for those of us with or without this type of a change or disability in our life.

Laura Bratton: Yeah. Most, in fact, I've never worked with someone who's losing their sight or who is blind.

Mary Louder, DO: Oh, fascinating.

Laura Bratton: One hundred percent. People just automatically assume that that's all I do, but I actually and again, that wasn't intentional. That wasn't I didn't focus on that or not focus on that. It's just the people that I've worked with have been those non-death, that, exactly what you're saying about the grief earlier, the non-death loss, that grief of change?

Mary Louder, DO: Yeah. Yeah. Wow. So as a mentor, I'm going to put you up on that, that soapbox now as a mentor. What advice would you have for others who are experiencing a significant amount of change in their life?

Laura Bratton: The first step would be to acknowledge the difficulty. And the reason I say that is from my own lived experience, I wanted to jump to figuring out how this was all going to work out. And that's where the fear, that's where the anxiety came from. I didn't want to stop and truly acknowledge the pain of really what every day felt like. If I, once I did get to that point, then I was able to move forward without fear and with less anxiety. And likewise, so many people I've worked with, they come to me and the first conversation is, here's the problem. Now what do I do about it to fix it?

Mary Louder, DO: Right.

Laura Bratton: They don't want to sit in the pain because the fear is, the pain, feeling the sadness, the anger will swallow us and overwhelm us, right? So I say all that to say, give yourself the space to feel what you're feeling. Because going through a difficult change situation for all of us are different emotions. Some sadness, some anger, some is just irritation. It's all different types of emotion. And giving us the space to acknowledge it is what it is because the situation is really, really hard. So that would be my advice not to skip over that step, but to give yourself, again, that self love of acknowledging what you're feeling and that those feelings are okay.

Mary Louder, DO: Mhm. That's really good. That's really good. And I think, you know, one of the things we do is run from that because a traumatic event causes us to disconnect.

Laura Bratton: Yes, one hundred percent. And the disconnection. Again, I say this from my own experience. The disconnection in the moment feels easier.

Mary Louder, DO: Yeah. And sometimes it's safe to do that, because it gives us, it gives us a safety. And anxiety, you know, is asking us to find out why we don't feel safe and what we can do about it.

Laura Bratton: Right. Right.

Mary Louder, DO: So that makes sense. And then the key is, is daring to lean back into where it's uncomfortable.

Laura Bratton: Right! Uh, it's not staying in that disconnection forever.

Mary Louder, DO: Right.

Laura Bratton: But leaning, what you said, leaning back into the discomfort to feel it, not to stay there. Because a lot of people's reaction when I say, feel the pain, feel the sadness, feel the anger, they're like, oh, I can't because I'll never get out of it. And I'm like, just, if you don't believe it, that's okay. But trust me that I'm saying you will not stay there.

Mary Louder, DO: Yeah. It's interesting because I, when I try and help patients with that or do help patients with that, I should say, I say just allow it to be in the room with you. It doesn't even have to be next to you.

Laura Bratton: Right, right.

Mary Louder, DO: Even ask it to stay in the corner.

Laura Bratton: Right. Literally. Yeah. For this corner. The ceiling. Right?

Mary Louder, DO: Right. And just allow it to be and just have an acknowledgment of it. Um, because that, the, the safest place to be is connected to yourself. From there, you can go anywhere.

Laura Bratton: Okay. Say that again.

Mary Louder, DO: The safest place to be is connected to yourself.

Laura Bratton: And that could not, that is true all the time and could not be more true when we experience difficulty and trauma.

Mary Louder, DO: That's right.

Laura Bratton: And so that's why I wanted you to say that over and over, is--

Mary Louder, DO: Right.

Laura Bratton: Because we feel like the safest place to be is anywhere but ourselves.

Mary Louder, DO: Right? Yep.

Laura Bratton: And so once we know, and again, I'm saying this because it circles back to when I said self, self-love and self compassion, once I realized it was safe to offer myself that love and that compassion, I felt more connected than I've ever felt.

Mary Louder, DO: Right. That's exactly right. Yeah.

Laura Bratton: Thank you. Thank you for saying that.

Mary Louder, DO: Yeah.

Laura Bratton: That was the mic drop moment of the of the connection.

Mary Louder, DO: That is, that is. And then the follow up tagline to that is being connected to yourself is the safest place to be, because from there, you can go anywhere.

Laura Bratton: Oh, wow. And, and again, I want to add, not add to that, but just expand on that for my own experience, going anywhere doesn't mean winning the lottery, getting everything you want, going anywhere means having emotional and mental freedom.

Mary Louder, DO: That's right.

Laura Bratton: Or I want to say that's what it felt like in my experience. It doesn't mean getting what I want material. It means going anywhere, having the freedom and the safety mentally and emotionally.

Mary Louder, DO: Right. Excellent. Well, thank you very much for being a guest. Laura, it's been a pleasure to speak with you today and to be in conversation with you and, and to learn from you. And I'm sure our listeners will be very grateful to what you've guided us through today. And I just wish you every, every goodness on all the steps that you have in front of you.

Laura Bratton: Thank you. And thank you for your deep words of wisdom and just creating this podcast for this platform.

Mary Louder, DO: Yes. Oh, you're welcome. And it's a, it's a pleasure to have you as a guest. And I'm so glad that, uh, that we've been able to connect. Take good care.

Laura Bratton: Thank you.

Thank you for being with us today as you listen to the podcast and view that today with our guest, Laura Bratton. She definitely has a lot of insight for a woman who currently can't see. So it was an amazing conversation. I'm glad that you were here. I hope you enjoyed today's show rate and review, because it always gives us a good boost. And share this with your friends who might need a bit of encouragement to know that they can do anything. Take good care. See you next time.