On Health with Houston Methodist
On Health with Houston Methodist is for the health conscious, curious and even skeptics out there. Each week, our hosts are joined by a Houston Methodist expert to explore an everyday wellness trend or significant health topic.
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On Health with Houston Methodist
Social Connection: How Your Social Life Benefits Your Health
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Monitoring our macros, steps or sleep (maybe with a wearable?) might come to mind if one wants to optimize their well-being. But there’s another factor often gets overlooked in hacking our health: social connection. And, as a society, we’re currently lacking it. One in three Americans report feeling lonely every week, according to an American Psychiatric Association poll — and 30% of Americans age 18-34 say they feel lonely every day. Building a strong, meaningful social network (IRL, not online) can be as significant for our health as quitting smoking or losing weight. But what counts as meaningful connection — and can small talk, texting and casual interactions really make a difference? This episode explores how social connection shapes our mental and physical well-being, why loneliness and isolation aren’t the same thing, and how to build healthier, more authentic connections in everyday life.
Expert: Dr. Olivia Tomasco, primary care doctor
Notable topics covered:
- What loneliness is and how it differs from isolation
- Why loneliness can affect both mental and physical health
- Who is most at risk for social disconnection?
- When technology helps connection — and when it may make loneliness worse
- Why both quality relationships and everyday small talk matter
- What a healthy, supportive connection actually looks like
- Whether texting, memes and other digital check-ins really count
- How to make new connections in more authentic, low-pressure ways
- When loneliness may be a sign it’s time to seek professional help
If you enjoy these kinds of conversations, be sure to subscribe. And for more topics like this, visit our blog at houstonmethodist.org/blog.
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ZACH MOORE:Welcome to On Health with Houston Methodist. I'm Zach Moore, I'm a photographer and editor here, and I'm also a longtime podcaster.
KIM RIVERA HUSTON WEBER:I'm Kim Rivera Huston Weber, and I'm a copywriter here at Houston Methodist.
ZACH:And Kim, loneliness, it is an epidemic right now.
KIM:Yeah. I think it was officially declared an epidemic either last year or the year before, I think. And what I was surprised to learn was that researchers, psychiatrists, they've been warning about a loneliness epidemic since I was born, basically, in like the early 80s.
ZACH:That surprises me, first of all that you're born in the early 80s, but second of all that I thought it really was the social media age that brought on this loneliness epidemic but apparently not.
KIM:Yeah, I mean, I think a lot of people also point to the pandemic as being kind of that catalyst for everything.
ZACH:Right.
KIM:Social media, obviously, has just compounded the whole issue.
ZACH:Mm-hmm. You would think that the more you have technology to connect you the more you're connected to people around you. It's kind of counterintuitive, right?
KIM:It's a pretty big, broad topic about how this has all come to be. I think about myself back in the pandemic. We were apart from friends and family for an extended period of time, and it took a lot of work and time to get back in those habits, and then I also moved during the pandemic, so. It was incredibly tough, you know?
ZACH:Mm-hmm. Yeah, and the older you get it's like, how do you make friends? Like I don't --[Laughing]
KIM:Mm-hmm. It's tough.
ZACH:Because I feel like the older you get you assume everybody has their friends, and you have your friends and it's like, well do we need more friends? Like, surely you got your thing going on over here, I got my thing going on over here. A lot of assumptions you make, and that sort of thing. So look, there's a lot to unpack about this loneliness epidemic. And who did we talk to about this, Kim?
KIM:Yeah. We spoke to Dr. Olivia Tomasco, she's a Primary Care Physician here at Houston Methodist. Thank you so much for being with us today, Dr. Tomasco.
DR. OLIVIA TOMASCO:Absolutely, no problem.
KIM:So, when doing research for our conversation I was surprised to learn that researchers, psychologists, they've all been warning about a loneliness epidemic for as long as I've been alive. And I'm an elder, elder millennial and it seems like we're living through this crisis now. Americans are reporting that they have fewer friends, they're spending more time alone, and they feel more socially disconnected from their communities than they did, even in the last 20 years. So, while I do wanna focus our conversation on how we can foster healthy connection, I do think it's important to understand the health risks associated with loneliness. So, to start, what is loneliness and how does it affect our mental and our physical well-being?
DR. TOMASCO:Yeah so, loneliness is a subjective feeling that we get when we feel like our social needs aren't being met. We are social creatures by nature and so that is a tenet of our wellness that cannot be ignored. If someone feels like they are not socially connected it can lead to feelings of loneliness, which can lead to a myriad of mental and physical issues because it does raise cortisol. It's a chronic stressor if you feel like your social needs aren't being met. So it increases your fight or flight response and it can disrupt your sleep, and it can contribute to the wear and tear that chronic stress can have on the body. And this goes back to evolutionarily there was a protective factor. When humans were in the prehistoric age if you were more connected you were safer. And so, if you aren't as connected in your life and you feel disconnected from other people it can lead to feelings of a lack of safety and a lack of connectedness. That's very important for our well-being.
KIM:I think I read somewhere that it's considered just as bad as smoking, is that true?
DR. TOMASCO:It's very true, yes. The effect of loneliness has the same, sort of, morbidity and mortality profile as smoking and obesity. And conversely, when someone resolves those feelings of loneliness it can have the same benefit as quitting smoking or overcoming obesity. It has the same health benefits to have that social connection.
KIM:Wow, that seems just so crazy that it's the same as giving up smoking.
DR. TOMASCO:Yeah, it's a very underrated, underestimated part of our overall wellness.
KIM:Yeah. So, you know, I think a lot of the times when we think about loneliness we think about it as being, you know, we're away from people, but loneliness is different than isolation, correct? And does that have a different health risk profile?
DR. TOMASCO:Yeah. So, isolation is being physically isolated away from people and loneliness is the feeling of being lonely. So, you might have friends that just enjoy being alone where they can hang out at home all day but not feel lonely because that's just what they prefer. And then you also might have people you know that have a lot of friends but they feel very lonely. And so, you can be isolated and not feel lonely, and you can be very not isolated and feel lonely, and you can have those same health risks if you're not having quality connections with people. If you're physically isolated and you are someone who is at risk for falls or you have chronic diseases and you're isolated you might have the risk of, you know, someone not finding you if you fall. So, there are morbidity risks associated with physical isolation. And then, if you are experiencing loneliness like I said, that has more of a mental tie-in and a chronic stress tie-in as opposed to objective isolation.
KIM:When we're thinking about who's at risk for these disconnections, whether it's loneliness or social isolation like that who's most at risk?
DR. TOMASCO:The first thing that comes to mind is older adults. Our elderly patients are more at risk for loneliness because over time, especially if they lose a spouse and they're living alone, they are less likely to have a strong social fabric around them. And then, of course, people who have chronic illnesses or are bound to their home or it takes a taxing amount of effort to get out of their home, they're more likely to be at risk for loneliness and isolation. People who are working from home are more physically isolated, so they may have to make some extra effort to get that connection because they are mostly connected over the computer if they're working from home. So those are the people that are most at risk, our elderly patients, our chronically ill, and people who their occupation requires them to be isolated.
KIM:Interesting. And kind of to that point about technology, and I'm sure we're gonna talk about it a little bit more later, but when, you know, could you speak to how technology might play a part whether or not we feel lonely or you feel isolated?
DR. TOMASCO:Yeah. I do feel like there's two pillars to this. So, technology can be a very good tool for feeling more connected, especially if you are using technology to connect with people that you have real world connections with. So if it's a best friend that moved states away and you're Facetiming with them or staying connected on social media, that can be a really good way to continue that connection and foster that connection, use it as a bridge. If you have family out of the country or they're on vacation, technology can be very useful to stay connected. And then, technology can also be sort of harmful in a way if someone is only using technology to foster, sort of, artificial connections on the Internet. And these aren't quality, real-life connections that they're using the technology to create. So people who only have connections on the Internet and don't know these people in real life may feel lonely because those aren't as authentic of connections.
KIM:And that leads to a question. So, thinking about younger people who are using technology quite a bit, are they kind of more at risk for these kind of shallow connections?
DR. TOMASCO:Mm-hmm. I do think so, especially with the COVID pandemic when everyone turned to social media more and they weren't allowed to leave their homes or go have real-life connections. Because of the pandemic, people really fell into a pattern of being on their technology or being on their social media to foster their connections. And if you are someone who spends a lot of time on social media scrolling through you might feel even more alone if all you're seeing is people's highlight reel of all the fun things that they're doing and you feel like you're at home alone and you're comparing yourself. And so, that can definitely contribute if you're a young person who is spending more time on social media than going out into your community and fostering real-life connections with people.
KIM:Yeah, like that saying,"Comparison is the thief of joy."
DR. TOMASCO:Exactly. Mm-hmm.
KIM:And, kind of to that point it sounds like getting out there, making connections really is the antidote to the feelings of loneliness, the feelings of isolation.
DR. TOMASCO:Mm-hmm.
KIM:So, just to know, like, what are the health benefits of connection?
DR. TOMASCO:Yeah. The health benefits, like I said, with, evolutionarily speaking, primitive humans were physically safer when they were part of a strong social network. Reproductive-wise, having a community around you is what pushed our species forward. So people who are better connected were safer physically from threats, and were more likely to reproduce and push our species forward. So, that's sort of the evolutionary background. So, the health benefits of being connected now, feeling like you're part of a social fabric and having quality connections around you it makes you feel safer, it makes you feel like you are where you're supposed to be. It makes you feel like you belong, and these are very important things for our fight or flight response, to avoid going into fight or flight if you feel connected, you feel safe, and you feel protected.
KIM:You know, you had mentioned that it's feeling like your needs are getting met.
DR. TOMASCO:Mm-hmm.
KIM:But how do we know if our social needs are being met in this way? Do we know what loneliness is, or is it different for each person?
DR. TOMASCO:It could be different for each person but I think if someone is feeling down and starting to feel withdrawn or having sleep disturbances, starting to feel anxious and depressed without a clear reason why. And one of the biggest things is that they aren't part of any communities, or doing any activities, or they're spending a lot of time alone and these things are all kind of happening at once. It might be easy to explain it as a result of being alone. And some people might have a hard time identifying that they are experiencing loneliness but they just have this withdrawn of sensation and they feel, sort of empty and they aren't really sure, you know, who's there for them. And that can be something that can be identified by asking the right questions.
KIM:Yeah, and kind of to that point, you've mentioned like the -- it's a feeling.
DR. TOMASCO:Mm-hmm.
KIM:And so, how might we distinguish it from something like depression? Because it kind of sounds like they might go hand in hand sometimes.
DR. TOMASCO:Yeah. I think that depression can stem from loneliness for sure, but if someone is depressed and they don't feel like they don't have support,'cause there's people who have depression for whatever reason, but they have a lot of family support and a lot of really good quality connections around them. If someone came to me and said they're feeling anxious and depressed and I say,"Well, who's there for you?" And they said they didn't have anybody then we might be able to say that could be a big thing leading to your feelings of depression. If you don't have a support system and quality connections around you to make you feel nurtured and it might be easier to identify the source of depression.
KIM:Interesting. And kind of to that point, so, when we're thinking about fostering connection does the research say anything about whether it's quantity or quality?
DR. TOMASCO:So there's-- There's two parts to this, there's research that shows that even everyday interactions, just surface interactions with your barista at Starbucks or your waiter, or the cashier at the store, these things still contribute to our well-being because it makes us feel like we are part of a social fabric. The low-stakes, frequent, low-stress, low-intensity interactions contribute to our social well-being because we feel connected to the community around us. And of course, if you don't have any quality connections, people that you can talk to and rely on for emotional support, then you -- If you don't have that quality as well then you're gonna be missing a big part of that importance. Because, there's people that can go out in the community and have those low-stake social interactions that make you feel like you're part of a community but then go home and feel like you're not truly supported in your life, and feel like you're not part of something, and make you feel lonely.
KIM:Yeah. And so, we might conversely, maybe we have like really great support systems at home but we're missing that connection that's out in the world.
DR. TOMASCO:Yeah. So, a lot of people might think that they have really supportive family but they're missing that outside of their family connection, they're missing a community that has shared interests. So if you are somebody that feels more fulfilled when you're doing an activity with people with shared interests then it could be very important to get out and have those low-stakes interactions, doing a shared activity or something like that if you can't do that with your family.
KIM:You know, I think I read somewhere that those, to what you said, the low-stakes interactions that we might have at a coffee shop, a grocery store, whatever, they light up different parts of our brain than the conversations we might have with our loved ones because we're more likely to talk in shorthand with our family and friends.
DR. TOMASCO:Yeah, so, those low-stakes interactions can definitely be a source of feel good hormones and regulate our hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal axis and it sort of calmed down the sympathetic nervous system, the fight or flight response, and we can get this from even just interacting with our coworkers at work and just having short, low-stakes conversations can help regulate that neural axis so you're correct about that.
KIM:Wow, that's so interesting.
DR. TOMASCO:Yeah.
KIM:Because we're thinking more about loneliness because it has been declared an epidemic. I think a lot of times we might hold on to connections, maybe if they aren't the most healthy for us because we might have that fear of being alone or being isolated. When we're thinking about connection does -- Is it better to let go of something that might be unhealthy for us or might not be serving us anymore? Is it more healthy to lean into being alone in that instance?
DR. TOMASCO:Absolutely.
KIM:Versus not.
DR. TOMASCO:Yeah so, the first thing that comes to mind is sort of, like, if you have a unhealthy relationship it might actually end up isolating you more and you're gonna be secluded to this one unhealthy relationship and make you feel more alone in the long run. So, if you are finding yourself in a relationship that might feel supportive on the surface but actually is a little bit unhealthy and making you feel unsafe, then that's gonna undo any benefit that that connection could have if it was healthy. So, making sure that you are maintaining healthy relationships and feeling safe with the people you are connected with is very important because if you're in an unhealthy relationship, you could end up more isolated and alone than if you hadn't been in that relationship at all.
KIM:Interesting. And speak to that about what does healthy connection look like?
DR. TOMASCO:Yeah so, it can be intense if it's supportive but a less intense, non-intimidating connection where you feel comfortable talking about things that are on your mind are very important and where it doesn't feel threatening. The whole key is to feel safe and if you feel your fight or flight response going up around certain people, if your heart rate's going up, you're feeling nervous, then that may not be a safe, may not be a quality connection for you.
KIM:Yeah just, the ability to be ourselves with somebody else is probably...
DR. TOMASCO:Very important.
KIM:Very key, right?
DR. TOMASCO:Yeah. Very important to our well-being to feel safe because that's the whole benefit of connection evolutionarily, is to feel safe and feel like you're protected from an outside threat. And so, if you are feeling threatened by that person then it undoes any benefit.
KIM:You know, you had mentioned that some of us might feel perfectly fine being at home on the couch, watching streaming services without anybody around whereas maybe that same person, or a different person doing the same thing might feel incredibly lonely.
DR. TOMASCO:Mm-hmm.
KIM:So, what do we know about how that difference is for others? Like, why do some of us feel more lonely than others?
DR. TOMASCO:That's a really good question. I think it just depends on the person and their personality. Some people really thrive on having a large friend circle and some people prefer to have a few quality connections. And I would say that having no connections at all might be a little bit of a red flag, but having fewer social connections that are higher in quality that makes somebody feel comfortable being at home alone and enjoying the isolation. That's okay too, it just depends on the person. Not all of us are extroverts, not all of us are fully introverts either so it just depends on the person and how -- It’s all about how you feel. But if you have no connections at all, no social support, I think that research shows that you might be more at risk for dementia and cognitive decline later on if you're not interacting with people at all.
KIM:Hmm, that's interesting. And I think maybe that's where those low-stakes conversations might come into play. If you're that isolated.
DR. TOMASCO:Mm-hmm.
KIM:You touched on it a bit earlier and -- But I think most of us are really keen to know, is sending memes, is texting, are these good ways to foster connection or might they do more harm than good?
DR. TOMASCO:I think that sending memes and things like messages to your friends, your real-life connections is a really good way to sort of send a nudge, like,"Hey, I'm thinking about you. Or this funny thing made me think of you." That's something that can make us feel really valued, that your personality and your sense of humor is valued. But I think if you're doing it with random people on the Internet that you don't really know that well it can be less authentic. Yeah.
KIM:Yeah. Because, I -- It almost kind of seems like it might be a bid for connection.
DR. TOMASCO:Yeah. Yeah. But that can be a good thing too. So, there's been research in sociology about repair attempts. So if you are -- If you have a relationship and you're missing somebody that can be like your repair attempt. I'm just sending a little something like,“Hey, I'm thinking of you,” or this is my bid for connection. That can actually foster the connection and make conflict less likely. But if you're reaching out for attention to inauthentic connections I think that that is maybe a less effective or a less healthy bid for attention.
KIM:Interesting. And, you know, when we're thinking about maybe reconnecting,‘cause we all have friends that we might have had in college or in high school and we want to reconnect. Because, maybe sometimes reaching out to somebody that we knew before might be easier than trying to reinvent the wheel and get out there and make new friends.
DR. TOMASCO:Yeah.
KIM:Aside from, you know, sending the errant text or maybe a meme, what are some healthy bids that someone might try?
DR. TOMASCO:So, instead of reaching back to previous relationships, if they're not the most fulfilling connection at the time, the best thing you can do is to maybe start with frequent activities with people with shared interests, getting out and doing a hobby together, and you can build really authentic connections through repetitive, low-stakes interactions, and that makes it more authentic. If you can bond over a shared-- If you're both from the same city, or you have a similar upbringing or you have a similar interest, or an activity you like to do together. Repeatedly doing these low-stakes interactions can build a really strong, new authentic connection in real life as opposed to reaching back out to connections that maybe aren't as strong.
KIM:You know, I thought -- This prompted something that I read that when we're thinking about trying to make new connections maybe leaning into activities that are focused on who we want to be.
DR. TOMASCO:Yeah.
KIM:So, like, I think one of the examples is, you know, pregnant women joining a new mothers group.
DR. TOMASCO:Absolutely.
KIM:Or, you really wanna get into birding so you join a birding group. These are better ways for us to -- Because, growing alongside a person also helps foster that connection.
DR. TOMASCO:Yeah. And a lot of people -- It’s the new year so a lot of people are getting into work out routines, are going -- are trying out new-- I have some patients doing Jazzercise and meeting people this way. Those are really healthy, authentic ways to connect with people, especially if you do them repeatedly together. These are good ways to make good, new friends, and to become the person that you wanna be and to explore the interests that you want to explore. And you can grow as a person alongside new people.
KIM:Yeah, that's exciting.
DR. TOMASCO:Yeah.
KIM:There is a lot of emphasis placed on creating friendship or maybe romantic partnership and then -- but, are there health benefits to those low-stakes -- If all you're getting are the low-stakes conversations, like, is that still okay?
DR. TOMASCO:If that's all you're getting it may not be as beneficial because you really wanna build authentic connections with people that you rely on for support and not -- You can't have a low-stakes interaction with your barista every day and then go tell them your life story and expect them to support you.
KIM:Yeah.
DR. TOMASCO:So, it’s very important that you have a good balance of both. You have people that you can interact with at work and have causal conversations with and kind of catch up and it’s very low-stakes, and then people that you can rely on for emotional support and go on this life journey with and have good friends that you can rely on too. It’s important to have that balance. And each individual person may benefit more from one balance of more versus the other.
KIM:Yeah, interesting.
DR. TOMASCO:Because my -- Some people might find it very taxing to maintain several high quality friendships because it does take effort to maintain a quality connection. And we all have a social battery, some people have a bigger social battery than others and it’s important to not feel drained by your quality connections at the same time. So it’s all about figuring out what balance works best for you.
KIM:Yeah, because I think that's a really great point, that fostering connection does take an amount of effort and work and, you know, if we're feeling down, if we're having a hard time maybe -- It can be a bit of a vicious cycle, no?
DR. TOMASCO:Yeah. It definitely can be a bit of a vicious cycle, especially if you're making an effort or you're using the wrong avenues to make connection. And expending all your effort you might start to feel like,"Ugh, this is pointless, I'm getting frustrated, stressing me out more." So, it’s important to find a healthy way for you to make a connection. And if you're continuously looking for connection on the Internet and just not getting that authentic return, and I know a lot of people relied on that during the pandemic especially, and just didn't get the fulfillment that they wanted. If you're doing it that way then it might be time to look for a different way to reach out and connect with people.
KIM:Yeah. Kind of to that point, so with loneliness being declared an epidemic it really does pathologize a feeling that we all might go through it at some point in our lives. And it kind of creates this environment, a vacuum maybe, where people are gonna try to monetize this feeling of loneliness. So developing tech, I mean, there's so much out there where it’s, like, friend finding apps or dating coaches or all of that stuff. And so, how can we go about trying to create healthy connection? And maybe, I don't wanna call this stuff scams or anything like that but, you know, we might end up using some of these strategies and feel, to your point, like, less.
DR. TOMASCO:Yeah.
KIM:Feeling off. When what we're really wanting is that connection. So, how can we go about it in a healthy way?
DR. TOMASCO:Yeah. I think it’s really important that we don't commoditize this aspect of our wellness because it cheapens it. It makes it difficult for it to feel authentic if you are finding it in this way because it can feel less authentic and it won't be as fulfilling, it won't serve the purpose that it needs to serve. We need to be careful that we are looking for authentic, truly fulfilling connections and not, you know, looking for these sort of -- I don't wanna call it like a cheap way out or anything like that, but it can make the connection feel less authentic if you're using a service for it and paying for it. It make -- ‘cause you're not-- If you're paying for the connection then it doesn't feel like you, like it’s authentic. Yeah. So it cannot be as authentic if you are doing it that way.
KIM:You know, kind of to that point, so like, with dating apps or even like friend finding apps, if you're in a new city and you're trying to meet people. I think we all like to fall on the crutch of technology.
DR. TOMASCO:Yeah.
KIM:But, you know, I think the saying is like, you know, we all wanna get off these apps or whatever but maybe you should try to get off the app as soon as possible. Like, just ask to go on a cup of -- to get a cup of coffee.
DR. TOMASCO:Yeah, yeah. I would agree with that. I think that people do -- Plenty of people are finding authentic connection through these friend finding apps but it’s important to foster the one if you do find a friend on there to foster it off of the app as much as possible. Like you said, the goal is to get rid of the app, right? And not need it anymore.[Laughing] KIM: Yeah. So if you are using an app that requires constant use it may not be fostering authentic connection that you're looking for.
KIM:Yeah. And some of those can be real money pits.
DR. TOMASCO:Yes, they definitely can. And if you are someone dealing with financial stress and you are also lonely and then you're spending money to try to be less lonely it can really create a downward spiral.
KIM:Yeah. And you know, to that point, when we're thinking about feeling lonely, like, when is loneliness truly a problem, and when is it time that we should talk to a therapist or maybe our primary care physician about our feelings?
DR. TOMASCO:Yeah. I would say if you're starting to feel withdrawn from the world and you're starting to feel depressed and, like, you don't even wanna try. If your motivation to make a connection is low and you're having anxiety, or you're having trouble sleeping, or you're experiencing signs of chronic stress like fidgetiness or muscle tension, disrupted appetite or GI upset. Those are physical signs of chronic stress, and if you can link it to loneliness and a feeling being of withdrawn then it’s time to reach out for help. And you can talk to your primary care physician about this for sure. But a therapist can really help you identify where the roadblock is and help you work through the motivation to make connections. And I think that there's really good outcomes with therapy for people who are just having a hard time. Because, you can be making a lot of effort but if it’s not done in the right way and you aren't getting the results that you want it just contributes to the problem. And a therapist can really help with that if you're starting to feel depressed and anxious, and chronically stressed from this.
KIM:Yeah, because, it can be a compounding factor, right?
DR. TOMASCO:Yeah.
KIM:Where it’s like you want something so bad but then, maybe, actions that you take kind of have the opposite effect for you.
DR. TOMASCO:It makes you feel like you're not doing the right thing. It makes you feel like,"Is there any hope for this? Is there any hope for me to build a community," especially if you're moving somewhere new and you don't have that same support system, it might be time to talk to a therapist about your own thought patterns and see if there's something that can be fixed with your own thought patterns that can help you make better connections. Or if there's something else going on a therapist can really help you peel back the layers and figure out what's causing your feelings.
KIM:And I'm just curious, you know, when -- if someone comes to you in practice and says,“You know, I think I'm feeling lonely,” how do you work with them?
DR. TOMASCO:I talk to them about how much it’s bothering them. I always ask about sleep. That's a really important thing for me to talk to my patients about. How is this affecting your sleep? How is this affecting your mood? Because you can feel lonely but still feel okay, but if it’s getting to a point where it’s starting to affect you physically and significantly impact your well-being then it might be time to get therapy. But if someone comes to me and they're overall doing okay but feeling lonely might just talk to them about what interests do you have? Do you have a community that you can reach out to? A lot of people rely on religious community for connection. I have some patients who have made friends through going to tea at their community centers and going to work out classes and meeting people that way. So there's a lot of, sort of easy solutions for this, but if someone is having a significant physical effect of this then it’s time to get a higher level of help and talk to a therapist for sure.
KIM:Is there anything on the topic that we haven't chatted about already that you would want our audiences to understand about it?
DR. TOMASCO:Yeah, I mean, the biggest thing is just to not be afraid to reach out for help. I think a lot of people might feel embarrassed about feeling lonely or feel like they failed in some way and this is just not the case. We have gone through a lot of unprecedented times in recent memory with the pandemic and there's a lot that's been outside of people’s control. So to recognize that this is not a problem with you and that it’s something that a lot of people are sharing right now, might help you reach out for help and get the problem fixed sooner rather than later.
KIM:Yeah, it’s a really good reminder that we're not alone, a lot of us are dealing with it.
DR. TOMASCO:Mm-hmm. Yeah so, a lot of people are trying to work on their wellness, especially now with the new year. So this is something that you didn't think about and you're trying to, you know, exercise more and eat right. Think about if connection is a part of that tenet of your wellness that you want to address and think about how you can foster your social connection and being part of social fabric around you, because it can really add so much to your overall well-being.
KIM:This has been such a great conversation, Dr. Tomasco, thank you so much for joining us.
DR. TOMASCO:Absolutely, I've been happy to talk to you.
KIM:Awesome.
ZACH:So Kim, as upsetting is a term like “loneliness epidemic” can be, I think a good take away here is build community, right? That's the answer to this.
KIM:Yeah. You know, I thought she had a lot of great things to say about even the kind of casual conversations you might have at the coffee shop or the grocery store.
ZACH:Mm-hmm.
KIM:Like, all of those little interactions add up and they can even, like, light up different parts of your brain. ZACH: Yeah. It was almost kind of like an ad for small talk.
ZACH:Yeah. Well, I mean, I agree because there have been times you know, back ten years ago when I lived by myself, like, there would be two or three days where I didn't talk to another human being.
KIM:Yeah.
ZACH:In-person. And, it feels strange, you know.
KIM:Mm-hmm.
ZACH:And those social normalities right, there's a reason those became social norms. Like, you wave to your neighbor when you see them walking down the sidewalk or somebody walking a dog, or the mail man, or the bank teller, or whatever. These micro interactions they add up because without them, like, it’s an“I Am Legend” situation. You're walking around and just going crazy because there's nobody to talk to.
KIM:Yeah, but it’s -- They're gentle reminders that we're all part of a community. And we're all kind of connected whether we like it or not. We're all connected. And so they're those small, kind of micro-interactions, that she spoke of but then also we have to be building stronger connections in our lives, whether it’s friends or family, so we can feel that bigger sense of belonging and well-being.
ZACH:Yeah, yeah, it’s a two-way street, you know. And don't be afraid to reach out because I know, like, rejection is scary, right? But there are more people willing to reach back out for you than you might think.
KIM:Yeah, and you know, I loved that she said that sending memes and texting were good ways to, like, bid for attention or affection or whatever, but those are good for our friends and family, people we have established relationships. I thought it was very interesting that she said that if we're sending memes and we're texting people that we don't actually know...
ZACH:Mm-hmm.
KIM:As the kids say, IRL. It’s not --[Laughing] You don't get the same health benefit.
ZACH:Right.
KIM:We don't have to stay in big groups together to make sure that we're safe against bears and tigers anymore. We're not in that hunter-gatherer moment anymore. But, our bodies are kind of intrinsically wired that way, so we're meant to be in community with each other. And, you know, I thought it was very interesting Dr. Tomasco said that, you know, working on your social life can be as beneficial to your health as quitting smoking.
ZACH:Yeah, that's huge because that's a tangible thing you can wrap your mind around. And you know, your social life seems like this intangible health thing but it’s really not, it has tangible side effects, which I certainly had never thought about it that way until she said that, so.
KIM:Yeah, and so I think it’s important to acknowledge that, you know, trying to make friends, work on your social life, it is work but it is worth it.
ZACH:Absolutely. All right, that's gonna do it for us this time on, On Health with Houston Methodist. Be sure to share, like, and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. We drop episodes Tuesday mornings. So, until next time, stay tuned and stay healthy.♪ ♪