S2: Ep 10 (Part 2) 10 Ideas for Reducing Stress & Enhancing Communication during this season

Do you feel a twinge of stress creeping up on you as the holidays approach? We've got your back! Our conversation today is all about managing holiday stress and evolving family dynamics. We share personal experiences and practical tips on how to re-energize old traditions and manifest new ones that reflect the values of your modern family. We also delve into the power of forgiveness and maintaining peace with challenging family members, and discuss the importance of prioritizing faith-based traditions over secular ones that may add unnecessary stress.

But that's not all! We also acknowledge the often ignored aspect of grief during holidays. Hear us discuss the challenges of spending the season without a loved one, and how you can honor their legacy by creating space for their memories. Amidst it all, we highlight the significance of expressing gratitude, not just during Thanksgiving but throughout the entire holiday season. We also share some intriguing research on how giving thanks can improve mental health. Wrapping up, we spotlight the essence of Christmas and the importance of focusing on its true meaning, rather than getting entangled in materialism. So, get ready to transform your holiday season with our faith-based activity suggestions that can bring your family closer to God.

Transcript

Managing Holiday Stress and Family Dynamics

Danny Ray 0:21

All right, welcome back to part two. So we are going to look at how do we navigate de-stress bring less anxiety during the Christmas season. If you haven't checked out part one, check out part one, but this is part two. We're going to go through five things and for the first time, we are going to be on a timer. So we are going to do roughly five minutes with each one. Here we go.

Kimberly 0:44

All right, so this is number six. We are talking about breathing life into old traditions and creating new ones, so sometimes things feel stressful just because we feel like we have to do them, because this is a way that we've always done it.

Kimberly 1:00

This is tradition, but it can be really beneficial and life giving if we spend a moment contemplating why do we do that? One Like is it worth it? Is this what we should be doing? Is it what we forget should? Is this what we want to do? Is this what's best for our family? So old traditions that a couple has in their history is definitely special and important, but sometimes we have to kind of revisit those and breathe new life.

Danny Ray 1:35

Yeah, there's an old illustration that talks about. You know the ends of the. I think it's the ends of a bread being cut off. Okay, like a loaf of bread, yeah. And you know, the daughter was trying to talk to the mom, to talk to the grandma, and found out that years and years and years before they had an oven that was too small so they had to cut off the ends. You know, so that was the reason. But here's, years later, hey, why did we cut off? I don't know.

Kimberly 2:05

That's what we have always done, you know so. They always cut off the ends of the loaf of bread brand new like fresh from the oven, and originally they were only doing it because it wouldn't fit in the oven. But then they kept doing it over and over and they just thought, oh well, we have to do it this way, we have to cut the ends.

Danny Ray 2:19

And then they wasted it Right. Nobody really knew why, but so it might be worth revisiting. Why are we doing?

Kimberly 2:26

these things.

Danny Ray 2:27

What are the things that are important to you, what matters in? Go after those things.

Kimberly 2:31

And also making you know, like remembering why you have maybe certain ornaments on the tree right. Like we have some that are crazy and weird, that our kids have made. I mean, oh, they're super special. That's what I meant.

Danny Ray 2:52

Wow, tell us how you really feel, babe.

Kimberly 2:55

Ah, kids don't listen. So one of our favorite ones, though, to look at every year that we take a moment and it might not even be a moment together, but separately we look at the ornament that you used to have my engagement ring in it.

Danny Ray 3:11

Okay, that's the one I was thinking about. I was like we should write this down and see which one we're actually thinking of. Okay, good, Okay, that is the one I was thinking about. We're on the same page.

Kimberly 3:19

Yeah, that ornament. It looks like a Christmas ornament but it opens up and that's where the ring was when you proposed to me and a gazillion years ago, and that just brings joy to our hearts and I think that would be sad if we missed December 30th 421. Oh, it was when you proposed yes.

Danny Ray 3:40

Do you want the year? No, that's okay. I wonder if you could give the year Nope probably not so anyway.

Kimberly 3:45

So rekindling joy and excitement through either the old traditions or the new ones, right?

Danny Ray 3:53

So it's decorating, yeah, like last time we shared that new tradition we started during the pandemic. But maybe this year you figure out, you know what. We're gonna create something that's new. Maybe it's going to look at Christmas lights together. Maybe that's something you've done for years and you're like you know what. Maybe we're going to stop one, yeah, yeah, we fight every time we do this. There's no pressure for family to do it, and if there's one that maybe needs to stop so that you could be closer together, that might be worth stopping.

Kimberly 4:26

Yes.

Danny Ray 4:27

Yeah, reflecting on what really matters and what's the importance of these things.

Kimberly 4:32

Yeah, as relationships evolve. Sorry, evolve as they change right.

Danny Ray 4:38

Evolve.

Kimberly 4:39

Evolve as relationships do that, but also as families grow and kids enter the picture or don't enter the picture. Whatever life looks like for you that way, it's, so should our traditions right, those should change and evolve as well. So it doesn't have to be the exact same every year, especially if it's not life giving but it's just sucking the joy out of it and kind of bringing more stress to your Christmas season. Then I definitely encourage you to ask why? Why are we doing this?

Danny Ray 5:13

Yeah, I mean we really have a division in our culture, but I think for us, even in our family, of what are the secular traditions that we're just doing because everybody else is doing them, and what are the sacred ones that really matter to us to build our faith, to draw us close to who God is, to his love, to remind us of the grace he has in our lives. So that might be a helpful thing to have a conversation about. Or what are the secular traditions, the things that we love and we have fun doing but aren't essential, aren't what really matters during this season? And what are those sacred things that really matter as a family? Yes, all right, with that said, speaking of family, yes, Family dynamics can be challenging during the holidays.

Danny Ray 6:03

So this is number seven Family dynamics. Sorry, number seven.

Kimberly 6:05

Yes, family dynamics can be challenging during the holidays. For sure Not ours, oh yeah not ours, and each year it can bring new struggles or issues that sometimes you don't even see coming. But we have to look at the biblical principles. How do we deal with that? We talked a little bit about forgiveness the Bible talks about as far as it depends on you make peace, and I think that's a really good one If it's a family member that you can make peace with you are called to do that Now.

Kimberly 6:43

we only have control of our side of things.

Danny Ray 6:45

Right. How we forgive, how we want to show grace, make peace Right.

Kimberly 6:51

That's that parts up to us. That is within our control, so we are called to do so. Now, how the person responds to that the family member responds is not within our control, and so that's okay If it doesn't work out the way we were hoping or expecting or wanted it to work out.

Danny Ray 7:08

But remember, their response doesn't dictate your response because they have a negative reaction, or they respond in a unforgiving or ungrateful or whatever that looks like or they bite you on the cheek I wish we didn't know anybody that that had happened to.

Kimberly 7:26

But yeah, that's not the case.

Danny Ray 7:28

Family gets crazy right, thanks, family. At least in my family there's family physical fights that have broken out. You know different things that have happened over the years. But how do we bring peace? How do we respond? We're in control of that side of it, not how the other person responds. One of the things that I love the Bible is just real and authentic, with relationships and Colossians 313. It reminds us to bear with each other and forgive, just as the Lord has forgave us.

Danny Ray 8:01

It doesn't say that forgiveness is going to be easy, that the other person's going to be easy. It's like bear with them. It's going to be difficult Bear with them. I love that even early on in the church there was tension and got addressed that directly, Not saying oh, there'll never be tension, but no, when you have tension, bear with.

Kimberly 8:28

Yeah, so bearing with and forgiveness are definitely crucial to dealing with family, in particular during the holidays. But I want to, you know, I love to bring up a caveat, or at least in addition to, because I can't take away from what God says, that's for sure. But in addition to that, it may still require boundaries, right? So you are?

Danny Ray 8:58

Probably always requires boundaries, always require boundaries.

Kimberly 9:01

Yeah, so forgiveness, definitely something. If this sounds new to you, please do some research and please, you know, read more about this. But because this might be new information for some of you. But forgiveness doesn't mean that we just allow a person to continuously hurt us and walk all over us.

Danny Ray 9:24

Yeah, those boundaries are kind of important.

Kimberly 9:26

Hmm, yeah.

Danny Ray 9:27

So family dynamics they're. It's just part of navigating this season is we have to be intentional about. You know what? We want to create great boundaries. We want to be people that bear with one another. We want to be people that are quick to forgive, quick to love in the midst of difficult family dynamics.

Kimberly 9:48

Okay, man. Let's go to the next one, Number eight, coping with loss during the holidays. You know, holidays, Christmas there's so much pressure sometimes to make sure that it's amazing and beautiful and just fabulous, and you know what, Sometimes we don't feel like that and it's a really hard year and a hard Christmas. And there's a new.

Kimberly 10:15

at least it was new to me a new song that I heard on the radio just yesterday that Christmas hits different and it's okay that it hits differently. Maybe this year for you, maybe you've lost a loved one or somebody is, you know, is sick and you're afraid of losing them, or you know all of those things or somebody that's just disconnected from the family and there's a part of you that really misses them and it's hurtful and all of those things, and it's okay to acknowledge that.

Grief and Gratitude at Christmas Season

Kimberly 10:49

In fact, it's more than okay if you just try to shove that down and pretend it's not happening, and pretend you don't, you aren't experiencing this grief or this loss. It's just going to explode at some point.

Danny Ray 11:06

There's no better way to put that. So I think one of the keys is you know, all of us will experience loss at different times, especially if it's a loss of a loved one. The first season of anything, whether it's Thanksgiving, whether it's Christmas, whether it's a birthday, whether it's a family tradition during the summer, you always went to the lake together. Whatever that tradition is, is difficult that first season, and not that it's not difficult.

Danny Ray 11:33

Second, third, fourth tenth yeah, yeah, yeah, but that first season is one of those hardest to navigate, but I think one of the keys is that you honor the legacy as you take time to, to process and remember. I think, this idea of just trying to avoid instead of like, hey, let's create maybe something new to honor the legacy, maybe it's a memory that you share as a family together or talk about, but not to avoid, but to engage.

Kimberly 12:07

Yeah, and that it's going to make me tear up, but it might mean having a place at the table when you set the table, and even though that person's not there. You're honoring that legacy and just acknowledging instead of oh well, we'll just keep going, because that's what we have to do, and that's what the world expects of us, or that's what our family expects. And no, it's okay to share stories about.

Danny Ray 12:39

Creating space for those memories and being intentional about that can really be life giving. It sounds like in some ways, oh, it would take away or bring people down, but oftentimes, in the middle of sadness, there's a lot of laughter, because there's great memories that you share with, with a loved one, and that could bring tears but also lots of laughter. Every memory in those moments.

Kimberly 13:04

Yeah, that's a good point, and if somebody you know is experiencing loss and grieving, it's okay to ask how they're doing and it's not like all of a sudden they're going to go. Oh yeah, I forgot I was missing this person in my life. You're not going to bring up sadness that they weren't experiencing. It's already there. You might give them space where they are able to answer that, but it's also okay if they're like I'm fine and they don't want to talk about it, right?

Danny Ray 13:40

However, they respond is how but giving them space is really a gift to them.

Kimberly 13:45

Yeah, yeah, Giving them that opportunity if they want to share. Yeah, it's not. If they start crying, it's not because you just all of a sudden surprise them with this opportunity to think about it.

Kimberly 13:57

No, the tears have probably already been there just waiting for the opportunity. And I heard recently about grief, and I'll probably say this over and over because it really resonates for me that grief is love with no place to go. I just love that. For me, it's a visual picture of it's, somebody that you love, that you can't express that love the same way that you did before, so it's just, yeah, something definitely to acknowledge.

Danny Ray 14:35

I think that's a good way to end this section. There's so much more we could say on number eight there, but we're going to move to number nine and this is kind of a continuation of Thanksgiving, of having gratitude during this season. It's so easy for us to just go down a rabbit hole of being frustrated and busy and stressed and I've got to do this, I've got to get to this Christmas party and we've got to get this gift and just go, go, go, go go.

Danny Ray 15:07

And we forget that, wow, we have the ability and we have friends to go to a party with. We have work, that we're going to an office party. We have family.

Kimberly 15:20

It's easy to not be grateful. This is speaking to me, yeah, oh sorry, no, no, no. This is good. This is good yeah.

Danny Ray 15:26

But being grateful during Christmas is, I think, just essential to recognize how great a gift God has given us and given us, giving us his son and just literally giving us everything. And so we replicate that, we reflect that, we try to emulate that in our lives, of being grateful and grateful to give and just grateful for everything that God has given to us.

Kimberly 16:00

Yeah, it's easier during Thanksgiving season. I think I see a lot of people post on social media right, like things that they're thankful for, and I love that.

Kimberly 16:11

I think that's an amazing way to focus. But then we kind of go oh, that was November, and now it's time to move on to December, and but what if we continued it? What if we were, you know, really to keep thinking at the end of the day, wow God, thank you for these three things. And not that this is necessarily new research, but research that is more recent, and the findings are continuing to be the same that it is definitely for our mental health. Our mental health will improve the more grateful we are, and, specifically, this recent study was about expressing gratitude, and when we are intentionally expressing gratitude to God or to each other, that verbalizing it creates that more positive outlook.

Danny Ray 17:13

So when we say verbalize, like literally out loud you're saying the things that you are grateful for, whether that's to a person or to God, just to say I am thankful out loud for these things and it helps change your perspective and you could look up there's an article from Berkeley on the science of gratitude but, there's other ones that are. You know this research of how it changes our brain when we continually are grateful.

Danny Ray 17:47

Specifically, it talks about being thankful out loud every day for six things, and when you do that over time, you become a more grateful person and you begin to see the things that you could be thankful for every day, that you might not recognize if you didn't put that into practice in your life.

Kimberly 18:08

And it's a great tool to fight depression or ward off depression before we get there to that point, right? So it's so easy to start thinking about all the negatives in our life, but the reality is that if we are being consciously thankful and grateful and practicing that in our daily life, it makes it a lot harder to find ourselves in this downward spiral.

Danny Ray 18:38

Yeah, and one of the things if in terms of being grateful, is when we ask ourselves what does God want me to do? What's His will for my life? And first, thessalonians. It says this be joyful, always, pray continually, give thanks. Here it is Give thanks in all circumstances, not in some, in all circumstances. Why? For this is God's will for you and Christ Jesus. So again, rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances. Why? Because this is God's will for you and Christ Jesus. So when we want to know hey, god, what do you want me to do? What's your plan for me? This is it Be thankful in all circumstances, not for everything. Somebody dies. We don't go. Thank you God. It's in the circumstance. I'm going to learn to be thankful. God, even though this isn't the way I saw things going, I know that you're a good God and I trust that you have a plan.

Danny Ray 19:41

I'm thankful that you're a God that knows me, a God that sees me, a God that loves me. There's things that we could be thankful for in the most difficult of circumstances.

Kimberly 19:52

Amen, I need to hear that. So the next one, our final one yeah, number 10, is staying close to Jesus during the Christmas season, and it means being intentional, it means having a spiritual connection and looking for ways to foster that, and so we have some ideas here.

Kimberly 20:24

Some churches are great about celebrating Advent and they might even provide you with an Advent devotional or something, but essentially it's something you can do on your own and looking at an Advent devotional that guides you through Scripture and reflection and prayer, there's a lot of devotionals on this.

Danny Ray 20:46

If you go on to what's the one we use all the time, I was going to say Biblecom.

Kimberly 20:51

No, no, no, it's an app that we use all the time. Bible Gateway.

Danny Ray 20:58

Is it Bible Gateway you version?

Kimberly 21:00

You version Okay. Hey, they're all good Okay.

Danny Ray 21:03

Yeah, but any of those will have devotionals where it'll take you through the entire Christmas season or you could catch up and do two a day if you want, as we were closer to the Christmas season, or to Christmas today.

Kimberly 21:17

Right.

Danny Ray 21:18

So one of the things that a lot of people have around their house but sometimes we just put things up but we don't take time to reflect is a nativity scene.

Kimberly 21:28

Yes.

Danny Ray 21:30

And we could talk about most nativity scenes are not accurate at all. According to the biblical account.

Kimberly 21:37

Yeah, drives me bonkers.

Danny Ray 21:38

That's a whole different thing, but you could still take time to reflect on God bringing Himself in. You know, jesus is fully God, fully man. So here is God as a baby in reflecting on why would God go that route? He could have shown up in any way we could possibly conceive, but what he thought would be best is to be born of a version in a little town in Bethlehem. Why, of all the times, all the places, would he do that? Just taking time to reflect on that.

Kimberly 22:18

Maybe the most humble way. He could do that right? Yeah, and so when you're placing your nativity scene? I've done this only a couple of times when the kids were little. I guess I didn't make it a priority, or however you want to put that you had a lot of things on your plate at that time.

Kimberly 22:40

Which we all do, right. So this is not another thing for you to do, but if you have a nativity scene and if you feel like this would be helpful for your family to focus on Jesus during this season of Christmas, then some families withhold baby Jesus from the nativity scene until Christmas morning and there's an anticipation that I know some families experience in that and they're just waiting. Okay, when is baby Jesus going to be there and born in that manger? And, yeah, just a fun way. I think that, especially maybe with younger kids and a family where they can really feel that anticipation of Jesus' birth, yeah, I think one of the things that I would encourage you with is a prayer walk.

Danny Ray 23:36

It's just taking time and it could be walking to the mailbox. You know a five-minute walk. It could be walking around the block you know a 10-minute walk, whatever that looks like. But just taking time as you walk to pray, ideally out loud, Like it might not make sense in the neighborhood you're in, you might seem a little crazy, but put in your headphones it just acts like you're on the phone with somebody. You just happened to be on the phone with God. There you go, That'll work.

Danny Ray 24:06

And. But praying out loud keeps you focused and I think, with all the distractions, sometimes praying out loud changes your ability to stay on task and to pray for those things around you. Another thing you could do is just to be silent. I like to do this in front of the Christmas tree and just sit in front of the Christmas tree and think about the season, the seasons, the years that have passed, and reflect on the different Christmas moments that we've had, either as a couple or individually or as a family, and just think about those moments. I think the key when we're talking about these things isn't one more thing for you to do, but what's something, maybe that you already do or that you've already done in the past that has brought you closer to Jesus, and how can you go back to that moment?

Danny Ray 24:59

and really try to embrace something that you know has worked in the past. That might be a journal, right. Maybe you've kept a journal in the past and you haven't done that recently, but when you did that, it really helped you to draw close to Jesus. So do that. What are those things that help you?

Kimberly 25:20

Yeah, amen, and do more of those right, that it's helpful, not because you think you should do it Right. I think those are some great ideas. I think, yeah, I'm really liking that idea of the prayer walk, thinking about that for myself. And then I think one last one that I would add is just a Christmas Eve service at church, right, maybe for you it's important to have the candlelight service and just remembering how Jesus' birth is light coming into the world and you know, but don't do it because you feel like you have to or you should. Is it going to bring your family closer to God by doing it? So that's, yeah, christmas Eve service of some sort that brings you closer to God is another great idea.

Danny Ray 26:20

Yeah, the last thing I'll share that way is out of John, chapter one, verse five, speaking of Jesus being the light of the world, says the light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not overcome it.

Kimberly 26:35

Yes.

Danny Ray 26:36

Is. There's a lot of darkness in our world, but praise God that Jesus has come and he is the light of the world. Amen, all right. Well, that's all of them. We hope that this helps you and have a Merry Christmas.

Kimberly 26:51

Merry Christmas. Thanks for listening.