S3 E2: Morning Rituals that Improve Your Marriage

Waking up groggy and famished, we didn't let our late start stop us from diving into a heart-to-heart about the transformative power of morning rituals in marriage. If crafting the ideal beginning of each day sounds like a puzzle, we're here to help piece it together, sharing how these precious moments can set a harmonious tone for your relationship. Imagine your life as a carefully orchestrated magic show, where the grand finale informs every preceding act; that's how we approach our days, with purpose and connection at the forefront, just as a magician connects with their audience. By intertwining our insights with reflections on previous discussions about keeping lifelong goals within our daily grasp, we reveal how intentional mornings aren't just beneficial—they're essential.

As the sun rises, we explore the terrain of mismatched schedules and the unique challenges they present for couples striving to maintain their bond. No matter if it's through a tender wake-up kiss, a thoughtful morning text, or a heartfelt video message, we emphasize the importance of finding what resonates with your partner. And when the day winds down, it's all about resisting the siren call of technology to truly be present with one another. Sharing my own anecdote of banishing the phone from my morning routine, we hope to inspire you to make mindful choices that reinforce the bonds of marriage. So, grab your favorite mug of coffee, and join us as we unpack the secrets to starting your day with love and intention, and maybe you'll be compelled to share your own sunrise stories.

Transcript

Starting Each Day With Connection

Danny Ray 0:21

All right, so I'm just gonna say right away that we are both hungry, so you might get a different side of us Normally we'd start like it eight o'clock and not gonna. We do you know like start working?

Kimberly 0:35

on it.

Danny Ray 0:35

They can't cast yeah, but we're we're starting late today and we haven't had. We haven't had lunch, we had an early breakfast, so we're hungry but we did do our typical morning routine.

Kimberly 0:48

We just kind of got off track later and today we're talking about couples and how they do there, how we do our Morning routine and how would you just sneak a we do in there?

Kimberly 0:58

I think I did we do, but it it's important. So last time we talked about having the end in mind, and that means Focusing on the marriage by looking at how do we want this to look at the end. You know, what do we want? To be looking back on our lives, on our marriage together and going, wow, we were really intentional in this area, in that area, and I'm really glad that we did this and that. So we talked about that last time and and how that correlates to how you come up with a magic show and how you develop that.

Danny Ray 1:36

Yeah, with the end in mind right, that's always where I start, and even this latest show called the waypoint is. You know, I feel like it. It's all my life's work in a lot of way, this show, but the first idea I had was the very last part of the show, how you want it to end and the experience like what you want people to kind of your thing about how do? I want to walk away.

Kimberly 2:00

Yeah, with that that. Don't want them to walk away feeling empowered. Sometimes your shows are that way. I don't want them to walk away feeling like just just uplifted and excited about life. So I want them to walk away just kind of mind boggled and going.

Danny Ray 2:16

I don't even understand what just happened now and in my current show that I'm doing on the road, so not waypoint. It's about all these pieces coming together and. And I think there's something about when you see a complete mess and then there's a story in the mess of going. Wait a minute, this was meant to be, and this was meant to be. And I feel like, when we think about our, our marriages, you know, some of these pieces might not make sense, right?

Kimberly 2:42

now, but if we start, to.

Danny Ray 2:44

You know, have the end in mind, going like in the end, I want to be a person of character. I want to be somebody that loves you more and is in more in love with you. When we end this thing, however, we go out, then when we meaning death, not divorced.

Kimberly 2:58

Thank you clarifying. Thank you for clarifying.

Danny Ray 3:03

Or you kill me off.

Kimberly 3:05

I'm in the backyard I think I need to change your life insurance policy but that's another. For another time. So, getting back to the point, so that's what we talked about last time. This time we're talking about how do we start each day? Yeah, and in the parallel, with starting a show.

Danny Ray 3:27

Is it so important when I walk on the stage and, let's say, there's 500 people in the audience? However, I start that first five seconds at first minute it matters and I think it the parallel for our marriages is. The thing I'm trying to do in that first minute is Establish connection. Yeah and if I establish connection, the rest of the show just makes it so easy and sometimes it takes a minute, sometimes it takes five minutes.

Danny Ray 3:58

But honestly, if I don't have it in five minutes, I'm chasing down that connection piece for the next 20 until I get it, and then I'm like, okay, now I could really start building some of the things. So let me, let me give you an example show is when I was doing underwater escapes. Nobody walks out and first thing they do is like, hey, let me jump into a tank and, you know, drown myself Because nobody cares. Like that might be interesting. Let's see, I'm dry you know yeah.

Danny Ray 4:25

Is when they connect with you and they care about you and they want what's best for you and you want what's best for them and you're doing well in terms of connecting, and then you go underwater now, their hearts racing as your heart's racing. So there's a connection in in our, in our daily lives. Every day, we have this opportunity to start new, you know.

Kimberly 4:46

Mm-hmm.

Danny Ray 4:47

God says, his mercies for us are new every morning. Oh and by the way that's what we would say in terms of connection is it's connecting to God and connecting to one another. So there's a vertical and there's a horizontal, and as we Connect with God, that sets the tone for the day, as we connect for with one another. That sets the tone for the day doesn't mean everything's gonna be easy, or any yeah, any of that, yeah, but it it less. Lets us say, god, this is what we're praying for, this is what we're asking for, as a couple, coming together and saying, hey, I see you.

Danny Ray 5:23

I know you have a lot on your plate today talking about those things and then navigating that together.

Kimberly 5:29

And I want to back up to yes, we're talking about how do you start each day, but as you were talking about how you start a magic show, um, it got me thinking it actually starts before that first moment because it's a plan, right?

Danny Ray 5:46

You have, that's good yeah.

Kimberly 5:48

You have a plan? How am I going to connect with this audience? And you pay attention to the audience, like you've read about, uh, maybe the group or what they've done in the past, or if it's a conference. You know the theme, but I'm in the audience right before listening to the speaker, listening to the MC, listening to the audience itself.

Danny Ray 6:10

What conversations are they having? If there's anything as a group that they've experienced or they've done together, and I bring that on stage. And that could be as simple as like mentioning something that's funny about their hometown or it could be something that, um, somebody said earlier and everybody laughs because they've already connected with that other person I feel like. I'm a part of the group, not just. You know, and I, I think you know it's like you before coffee. You're not sure whether or not you're against you.

Kimberly 6:41

Right, which brings us to okay. So we have the plan for how we start the day, and then we start the day, um, individually in our, in our times, with connecting to God. Um, I will say I'm very spoiled in the way that I start most days. You bring me my coffee, I send a text downstairs and say I'm up, or good morning, and uh, or send a man, and I know what that means.

Danny Ray 7:07

You better get up here with coffee right now.

Kimberly 7:09

Okay, it doesn't really mean that, but you have taken it to mean that and I don't mind. But you bless me in that way, uh, every day that you're here, um, and available to do that, so I'd say that's 99.9% of the days that, uh, that you bring the coffee and it certainly blesses me and shows me that you care and I, I love starting my day that way.

Danny Ray 7:37

I bet you do. I would like to start my day that way. Can you give up two hours earlier?

Kimberly 7:41

Birthday, I'll bring you coffee. Oh, I shouldn't say that your birthday is coming up, Um.

Danny Ray 7:47

I've written that down. On birthday coffee at 4am.

Kimberly 7:52

No, yeah, that would be why I don't bring you coffee, because you're such an early wiser. Uh, but anyway, back to the the plan. So for us it means and, and this isn't a right way or a wrong way to do it, this is just how we, uh, are familiar with starting our, our days, and so, um, but there's a connection. When Danny brings in the coffee, there's usually a physical connection, um, are you saying with the dogs when they jump all over you?

Kimberly 8:19

Well, definitely that the dogs come in. They do literally jump all over me and uh, after I pet them I'll say hi to you and uh, um, but there's a good morning.

Danny Ray 8:31

So I'm second to the dogs.

Kimberly 8:32

Okay, let's not make this something it doesn't need to be, uh, but there's, there's a, an intentional good morning kiss. How's your morning going so far? What, if we have time or if we haven't done this before, we'll ask what, uh, you know, what have you got going today? Um, and, and it's yeah, that morning connection, just like you being aware and connecting with your audience, uh, as a speaker, as a, as a magician, as a pastor. Same thing goes for us on the daily, in our marriages.

Danny Ray 9:04

What would you say if somebody is like that would be great, but our days are just completely off.

Connecting as a Couple in Morning

Kimberly 9:11

Like you, know um someone's working nights or she's out the door before I'm there.

Danny Ray 9:16

they're working nights. Yeah, Um, what would you say? Um, yeah, that's a good point.

Kimberly 9:21

And not everybody's schedule looks like ours, that's for sure. Um, and actually I want to come back to that in a minute on the days where you're not just here in the morning but you're on the road, so we'll come back to that in a second.

Kimberly 9:35

But for couples where the schedule is, you know, bizarre, or it's somebody's working nights or, yeah, they're not waking up, even around the same time frame, but still, what can you do to be intentional? Do you text and go, hey, I'm up, I'm starting the day, or like, would you prefer that somebody one of them comes in and whoever's leaving for the day first, would you like a morning kiss that they're, as they're walking out the door and come, you know, kiss you in bed and say good morning and you roll back over and go to sleep. Or maybe you would hate that. So you know, you have to work out what.

Danny Ray 10:15

And I know that's what you do for me. That became important, and when I, when I'm flying out, is you want me to wake you up, pray with you, say bye, give you a kiss and and head out? Yeah?

Kimberly 10:27

So that's what it looks like on those days yeah that I was going to come back to thank you that, on those days where, yeah, you're, you're hitting the road, you're traveling and you're leaving the house at 3am.

Danny Ray 10:37

Right.

Kimberly 10:37

And for me, yes, I still want that connection, but that's because I can also roll over and go back to bed after you kiss me pray and you're out the door. So, yeah, you have to work within the. You know what works for the two of you, the point being be intentional, though.

Danny Ray 10:58

right, how can you connect whatever time it is that you're going or coming in the morning, waking up or so a great question to ask, if you're listening to this as a couple, or to ask your, your spouse or significant other is is this what's the best way to connect with you in the morning?

Kimberly 11:22

Yeah, great way to put it.

Danny Ray 11:24

Like I could be helpful or hear you, or because like I'll take on the other side of this at the end of your day. Sometimes you don't want like, hey, how can we connect right now? You want space usually 3045 minutes of just like downtime to unwind. What do you call?

Kimberly 11:45

it For some people. Oh yeah, for me washing up work.

Danny Ray 11:49

And. But same thing with the morning is everybody is different this way, but as a, as a couple, how do you figure out what's the best way to connect so you could start every day on the same page?

Kimberly 12:01

Yeah, and that's even true for couples dating long distance, or you know what do you? How can we connect? It's really, but everybody's preferences or what they're able to do is different, so having that conversation is what's really key.

Danny Ray 12:20

Yeah, I know, for us we haven't done a lot of FaceTime, but I know a lot of people that are on the road that I talk to that are either comedians or other magicians or speakers. They do a lot of FaceTime back home. You know. It's a very interesting way to be able to connect, I think because our pattern started before that was a thing.

Kimberly 12:40

20 years ago. That makes sense, yeah.

Danny Ray 12:42

And that didn't you know. We didn't start out that way, yeah. But this year I've made some changes where I'm not doing a FaceTime but I'm trying to create videos on the road just for my family, for and a couple of close friends, of just sending a quick one minute video like hey, think it about you and saying something. But for me I did it one time and it was for my daughter and she just really felt like loved and I just needed that right now.

Danny Ray 13:11

And that was just kind of okay. I'm gonna try to do that this year. So, maybe it's starting a new habit of going like what would help you to feel connected? Oh, bringing cup of coffee, I'll take that, and that's the way you could serve and show.

Kimberly 13:26

I like the video thing for sure, and so maybe for those couples, like we were saying that their schedules are not the same, and yeah, you can leave.

Kimberly 13:36

I know, there's Marco Polo, there's different things where you can leave a yeah, different apps for messages, but you can do it, record a video However you wanna do it. Just the point being, that has been a nice thing for me too, when you're sending those, and for me, what I like about that is that it's not FaceTime, it's not where I have to do it, right then I have the choice of opening it when it suits me, when I have time, when I'm done with my day at work, I can look and go okay, danny's left me a video message, and it does feel more connected because I see you. Even though it's a video, I'm seeing the surroundings where you were at, and yeah, so that's a great way.

Start the Day Right in Marriage

Danny Ray 14:27

You mentioned the phone and we've talked about this kind of at different times throughout this podcast, but the phone could be a major distraction, especially in the morning, is I feel like we don't wanna be at the demand of social media or a text that came in the middle of the night that might just say hey, forgot makeup at your house last night. You know it's like, and then you're like. Before you know it, you're responding to text and emails and you haven't really been intentional. You've let your phone kind of drive your day.

Danny Ray 15:00

And I would encourage you to take five minutes and just go. Okay, how can we set the tone and I think this is a key with so many things Is it starting small If you don't have a morning routine, as a couple is don't take everything we're saying and go. We're gonna do this for three hours every day.

Kimberly 15:20

Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, take five minutes.

Danny Ray 15:23

What's something small that we could start tomorrow morning and be realistic with it? If making coffee is more like frustrating and not a joy for you, like I, enjoy making the coffee. I enjoy bringing it up and doing that for you in the mornings. But figure out something that your spouse loves and how you could serve them. But make it realistic, not, I'm gonna make breakfast every day and it's gonna be this. It's squizz it takes an hour to make the breakfast. Might not be the best starting place.

Danny Ray 15:57

Maybe that's a little bit down the road. So in making sure that together, as a couple, you're talking about this and agree and not just guessing what your spouse wants.

Kimberly 16:10

Yes, I love that. Yeah, so have a conversation about it how to start the days and make a plan For me. I'll just add real quick to your comment about the phones that's a change I've made is putting my phone much further away across the room and so at night it's not even there for me to look at or roll over and check. So it's also helping me wake up and not hit snooze as much because I have to physically go get it and shut it off. So, yeah, everybody operates differently, but what's one change that you can make that helps you to set up your day the best that it can be and that best start to your day, which means connecting with God and connecting with your spouse.

Danny Ray 16:58

Yeah, we just believe, as you do, that it's going to change the trajectory of your day, which changes your marriage in healthy ways. So that is what we have for today. We are going to go eat.

Kimberly 17:10

What do you want for lunch, babe? We're gonna go find it.

Danny Ray 17:14

We hope that you are getting great stuff out of this podcast. Please share it with friends or with family that you know that this could be a benefit for their marriage. We will continue to speak in to the airways.

Kimberly 17:33

But let us know if you have questions or thoughts for us, we're happy to.

Danny Ray 17:36

Yeah, feel free to reach out at danielaymagiccom. We both look at that email and will respond with that. We just want to encourage you to do whatever it takes.