S4:E1 Marriage Metaphors: Building A Thriving Marriage

Discover the untapped strength within your marriage as we embark on a journey through the rich landscape of marriage metaphors, set to transform the way you view your partnership. Imagine erecting a structure of love and commitment brick by brick, where the mortar of shared values and spirituality cements a bond that can withstand any tempest. Season Four launches with a promise to guide you in crafting a marital unity as enduring as the greatest edifices, where every stone placed is a testament to love, trust, and a shared vision. 

This season, we don't just chatter about love; we reveal its foundational significance in every aspect of marriage. Picture the two of you as architects, drawing up blueprints for a life built on profound connection and clear communication. As we delve into the metaphorical world of marital bonds, we invite you to apply these insights to your own relationship, encouraging growth and unity in a partnership that mirrors the steadfast love depicted in the Bible. Join us for an invigorating exploration that pledges to leave you with a fortified perspective on the journey of marriage.

Transcript

Marriage Metaphors

Danny Ray 0:21

Season four. Honestly, this is crazy.

Kimberly 0:24

Yeah, season four, here we go.

Danny Ray 0:27

We are excited, we are thankful for everybody tuning in. It's been, yeah, an incredible journey for us personally, but this season we are excited to just look at this idea of marriage metaphors.

Kimberly 0:43

Yeah, we went back in our archives and looked at the podcast and what really resonated with our listeners.

Danny Ray 0:51

Our third most listened to podcast is one from season two, I believe episode 35. It's empowering marriages through visual metaphors, and so we thought what if we build a whole season around marriage metaphors?

Kimberly 1:09

Which seems appropriate. Visual metaphors from a magician, you know, yeah, it does make sense.

Danny Ray 1:16

So grab a seat, buckle up wherever you are, get ready, because this season we're going to be looking at marriage metaphors and creating these visual things to help you do whatever it takes to create a great marriage, and that's what this podcast is all about is helping others to just take that stride. Take that step, be somebody who loves their spouse well, gives grace well, and so we have all sorts of ideas for this season, but it starts out with the foundation.

Kimberly 1:50

Yeah, our marriage, like so many others, is built on a foundation of shared values, trust, love and our relationship with the Lord. Those are our basic foundations and, just like constructing a sturdy building or a house, building a strong marriage requires a solid foundation. So we want to talk about kind of the building blocks that go on top of so if you've got your foundation poured, your slab is poured, it's strong and okay, great. And then we want to put the quote unquote building blocks on it.

Danny Ray 2:29

For the record, kim did build quite a few houses back in the day down in Mexico. She would go down there and that foundation even when it was, you know like you talked about it being on hills, sometimes you know just some unsturdy, but that foundation becomes everything to make sure that you have a sturdy, and so if you don't have that foundation right, you know everything else can easily crumble.

Kimberly 2:57

Yeah, Like a house of cards. Ooh, ooh, another metaphor we're just sliding right in there. Okay, okay, sorry that one might come up in there. Okay, okay, sorry.

Danny Ray 3:06

That one might come up again. Okay, but I'm foreshadow, foreshadow, there you go.

Kimberly 3:12

So yeah, but if we were to build this house, this metaphoric house, we? What about the Lego metaphor? If we're building with Legos? Can you speak to that?

Danny Ray 3:27

Yeah, so I talked about this a little bit last time and that's kind of what gave us the ideas. We're like, oh, we've been using these ideas of metaphors, but let me just give you this with Legos. If somebody's given a bunch of Legos, right, and just said go ahead and build what that was designed for, without any picture, without any- Without any instructions, no image.

Kimberly 3:50

I would be terrible. I would not know what to. I would build a box, maybe, because that's about all I could-.

Danny Ray 3:57

Oh, a box Like a box just like a square of.

Kimberly 4:00

Legos right and just-.

Danny Ray 4:03

I'm sure you could get more creative than that, come on, you know me, probably not.

Kimberly 4:08

Probably not. If there's a flower in there, maybe I'd stick the flower in the top. I don't know.

Danny Ray 4:13

Yeah, but when you have that image and even better instructions hey, here's step one, Instructions Right. Then I can do it. Yes, I think you could do it anyhow, but that's just me, but I think of just different verses that help us to understand the layout for marriage. You look at the very beginning of Genesis and it talks about the two becoming one of Genesis, and it talks about the two becoming one.

Danny Ray 4:46

And this idea of oneness, I think, is foundational for us in our marriages that we have um a connection, a deep connection with that other person, that we're not two separate um people just doing whatever we want but we're coming together as as one and, yes, even though we have our differences together, we want to have oneness in what we do.

Kimberly 5:13

Well, we came from very, very different backgrounds and our experiences were very, very different, but we found a shared vision for our life and for our marriage. But it was intentional and it was is right. We did get tools in our toolbox, so to speak, to get to have instructions. We did go and seek instructions I guess is how I would put that. We got a hold of whatever marriage instruction manuals we could get a hold of and said, okay, like this is going to be what we're going to build, this is what we're going to work towards.

Danny Ray 5:58

Yeah, and so we always want to, you know, continually go back to the scriptures and see. You know, what does you know? Like the verse I shared? It comes out of Genesis 2.24, just to give you the exact quote Therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

Kimberly 6:25

Hold me fast baby, sorry, did I throw you Leave your parents. But that's a little bit of a sore subject.

Danny Ray 6:32

It took a little bit for you to get there. There you go, leaving your father and mother and cleaving right.

Kimberly 6:38

Yes, and hold tight to each other, hold tight, hold fast.

Danny Ray 6:42

But there is so much wisdom in these verses Hold fast, but there is, you know, so much wisdom in these verses In Ephesians 5, 31 and 32, it talks about this profound mystery of Christ's love for the church, but it's mirrored in the oneness of marriage. Right Is that? It's designed to reflect our marriages, reflect God's love for his church. You know, he's called the bride, you know, and so we have these interesting metaphors that are given in the scriptures for how Christ looks at the church. But it's reflective of a marriage and in our marriages we want to have that oneness, that connection. That that's one of those things that's foundational. So this is one of the things. When we look at foundations, what are the things that are foundational for your marriage? What are the things where you want to be strong in set boundaries up?

Danny Ray 7:38

make sure that you guys are set up for success and we would say the foundation is in Christ. He's the bedrock of everything that we do. We realize not everybody listening to this podcast is a follower of Christ but having that as the center point, we never have to depend on the other to go like you have to supply all of my needs and all of my hopes and all of my dreams right Is we know that God is the provider of all things.

Kimberly 8:07

And we rely on the creator right. Yeah, relying on him, yeah.

Danny Ray 8:11

Being dependent on him is a completely different scenario than putting that burden onto your spouse.

Kimberly 8:17

Well, and it only makes sense when we're talking about a blueprint or instruction manual. Wait, you're jumping into blueprint oh, no, no, no, sorry.

Danny Ray 8:25

Not yet.

Kimberly 8:25

Okay, we'll go there in a second right, but the instruction manual. Like we said for the Legos, we can build something way more incredible with the instructions.

Danny Ray 8:34

Yeah, yeah.

Kimberly 8:35

Same thing with why the foundation, why the marriage in Christ is so important. Because that's the instruction manual, right? He gives us the design and the instruction.

Danny Ray 8:49

What would you say in a nutshell are other things that are foundational for the marriage.

Building a Strong Marriage Foundation

Kimberly 8:58

Foundational just in general. I mean, we talked about the our own. What we value as a couple is a part of the foundation. Um, trust is obviously a a huge foundation yeah um, if, if, yeah, if you can't trust your, your spouse, then that's an issue for sure. Um for sure then then you've got nothing right right, but a broken foundation. So then you have to rebuild that and kind of start from the, the very, very bottom I think one of the the key uh foundations for any marriage.

Danny Ray 9:36

An easy place to start is just go look and see what are the vows you made to each other right. What are you committing to? Uh, you know to to have and hold from this day forward for better okay I can do that for worse for rich, hey, when things are going well, and businesses are growing and things are exploding, and they got a new car, hey, check out the new house. But when it's like, oh, we're bankrupt.

Kimberly 10:02

No money, we're selling the house.

Danny Ray 10:04

And you know so for richer, for poorer what about when we look at sickness and in health, right you? Know, and so all of those things that you vowed to each other become foundational. Now, the next one metaphor that you talked about that has to do like with kind of laying this foundation is you would never build a house at least not in this day and age. Most people want to build a house without some sort of blueprint, right? Hey, this is the direction that we're going in.

Kimberly 10:36

It's the vision for the final product, right? What it's going to look like? Yeah.

Danny Ray 10:40

And we want to have that in our marriages as well, as we want to have like, hey, what's the direction? And I think it's a a good question to ask your spouse is like, where do you, where do you see us in a year? Like, how are we growing in our faith? How are we growing closer to one another? How are we growing professionally? How are we growing emotionally? Do you feel more connected to me? How can we get away more? How can we create space for each other more? All these different things that help lay out, like that blueprint of like, hey, what's next? Where do we need to be? What's the best way to move forward?

Kimberly 11:21

Where do we need to be? What's the best way to move forward? Yeah, I'm looking for that verse, and maybe you know this one offhand, but it's like without vision, the people will perish right. Yeah, it's a proverb and I had it here and I just can't find it in this moment, of course.

Danny Ray 11:40

It's Proverbs 29, 18,. Where there is no vision, the people perish.

Kimberly 11:46

Yeah, and, and I, I'm sure we did not fully understand that at the beginning of our marriage, but now it makes so much sense that even our vision, even our marriage, needs a vision, needs a direction, or you're just surviving day to day, right? Instead of thriving and having a place to go, a direction for it, so yeah, and I think that could start small.

Danny Ray 12:17

You know, you don't have to have this 25-page laid out, you don't have to have this 25 page laid out. It could be hey, this year we want to do four big dates and, you know, 10 small dates. The big dates will do this to build our relationship and strengthen our foundation and to continue to move us forward and on, the smaller dates will just be connection points on a weekly, biweekly basis, you know.

Danny Ray 12:50

I realize everybody's in different situations. On the possibility of dating, we always recommend once a week, but for some couples we've met with that's really difficult to carve out. That time we always talk about, uh, it doesn't have to be. You go out like we're fans of staycations, we're fans of you know, even if the kids are um, you can't find a babysitter. Put a movie on for the kids, go up to the bedroom, make a picnic and just carve out time to be with each other. Sometimes we have to get creative with those ideas and not just go well, we don't have time and use that as the excuse.

Kimberly 13:31

Absolutely so. Creating that blueprint allows couples, allows us to set goals, make decisions, navigate challenges with a clear direction in mind, right so, even when the waves come up, boy, I feel like everything's a metaphor right now Even when you're in a storm of life, if we have a vision, we know that we can stick to. Okay this. We've already I don't know made the decision that, no matter how hard things get we're, we're going to work to be on the same page at the end of every single day.

Danny Ray 14:08

And another thing we're not going to give up and right, there's um, when I, when I think of something like that, I think of, uh, that illustration where it talks about, you know, um, having some people move rocks and they're like, hey, we just need to move rocks over there put them in a pile, um, and people are, you know, doing it, but they don't really care. But when you give them vision of, saying um, there's a flood coming tonight.

Danny Ray 14:36

if we don't build this dam, people in this community um are going to lose their homes and be displaced. All of a sudden, people have a vision and because of that vision, it changes how they work.

Kimberly 14:50

Yeah, yeah that there's urgency to it, there's necessity, there's understanding of the reasoning for it. Same thing in our marriage. We need that. We need to understand that if we don't put the time and effort in, then we're just moving rocks, like you said, from one side to the other and just surviving.

Danny Ray 15:11

Yeah, so the last illustration that we want to use in terms of like setting this foundation is construction. So marriage is like this ongoing construction project.

Kimberly 15:25

Yes, I like that.

Danny Ray 15:28

Continuous effort, and this is the key part team effort, team effort. You know, marriage is a team sport. It's a team of two working together constantly.

Kimberly 15:42

Because if you're over there just trying, trying, trying, and you're working hard on your relationship with God and you're working hard at work and you're working hard at being a great dad, but we're not connecting, we're not doing any of that together in addition to then it's not a team, right, You're just working hard on your own and I'm working hard on my own, and then that's not. Um, it's not the most effective plan for a marriage, right? Yeah, Uh you're going to push back on that. I see the wheels turning.

Danny Ray 16:17

The wheels are turning for other reasons. So, if, so, if you came to me and you were like I am so thankful that you washed my car, I'm so thankful you cleaned the house, I'm so thankful you made dinner, and we could just name like thing after Thank you for painting the house, thank you for working so hard, thank you for working so hard, thank you for, you know, bringing home money to put food on the table, to be able to do the things that we want to do. But then you said but do you love me? Yeah, I was like.

Danny Ray 16:56

well, right, if I if. I do all of these things, but there's not.

Kimberly 17:03

You still don't feel love yeah.

Danny Ray 17:06

It's like you're you're building all the wrong things for all the wrong reasons.

Kimberly 17:12

And just moving rocks yeah.

Danny Ray 17:16

Is is love.

Danny Ray 17:17

Yeah, is love right Is if we're not loving each other well, as the foundation. And there's this image of a triangle where God's at the top husband is on the right-hand side corner of that triangle and the wife is on the left-hand side. And the closer you get to God in that illustration right, the closer you get to each other. And I think we could go through the motions of doing things for each other, but foundational to everything is love, and so I don't want to miss out on those opportunities to love you and that might include doing something for you, but, but at the yeah, at the heart of it would be, since we were bringing up other verses or vows.

Kimberly 18:14

You know, at a wedding you would be talking about 1 Corinthians 13, right, which really is our blueprint, our map for and our instructions on how to love each other. So if we're going to go there, we have to include that right.

Danny Ray 18:28

That's the literal manual for how to love Right where it says love is patient, love is kind, does not envy, does not boast, does not proud, does not dishonor, it's not self-seeking. So it keeps no record of wrongs.

Love as the Foundation

Kimberly 18:43

So, all these different things, it's the perfect manual, perfect instruction, perfect blueprint.

Danny Ray 18:48

Yeah, check it out. 1 Corinthians 13, love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Kimberly 18:58

And then One of our favorite ways of reading that I just have to interject that is, put your own name in there, right, and can you really say that? Can I say Kimberly is your love, always patient, always kind, right, and that reads very differently and very personally if you interject your own name in there yeah, and it starts out kind of to make that point of doing all these sayings, but if you ask me, do you love me?

Danny Ray 19:27

and I'm like uh, you know, like right right it says uh, if I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I'm only a resounding gong, a clanging cymbal.

Kimberly 19:41

So annoying noise right.

Danny Ray 19:45

Um, if we don't have that love for him, we could say, hey, we go to church, hey, I help out in the nursery, hey, I do this at church, hey, I give all this money. Um, and God says, but do you love me? And our answer is well, duh. And so it applies both in our relationship with God as well as in our relationship with each other, and that love is foundational to everything we're going to talk about in this season, and I want to leave us and I'll let you if you have anything that you want to say to leave us with as well.

Danny Ray 20:22

But when we talk about foundation, I think of Jesus at the end of the Sermon on the Mount, after he gives all of these incredible things for how to live how to think how to walk in this life in a way that loves others, blesses others, um, to love our enemies.

Danny Ray 20:40

That that whole um, he, he gets toward the end and he says this says therefore, everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock Built his house on the rock. We can talk all day on this podcast about things that we've done or failed to do at times, but the bottom line is we're not here just trying to talk to ourselves.

Danny Ray 21:12

Our hope is that you and that we will put these things into practice, that I want to be a better husband, to love my wife the best I possibly can, and whoever's listening out there. We hope that you will put these things into practice, even if you just take one from something you remember today and go you know what I'm really going to work at this to be able to love my spouse better.

Kimberly 21:41

Yeah, love that. Well. That wraps up our first episode of Season four, season four.

Danny Ray 21:48

Yeah, so marriage metaphors there's going to be more coming. Yeah, really excited about the possibilities that this season holds. Please share with your friends, tell them about it, send them a link and that's it.

Kimberly 22:02

Yeah, keep doing whatever it takes.