S5:E6—Grace Reloaded: Daily Forgiveness and Fresh Starts

Grace isn’t a one-time drop—it’s a daily reload. In this lively, practical, and hope-filled conversation, Danny (magician and pastor) and Kimberly (associate marriage & family therapist) explore how to give and receive fresh grace every day. They unpack why forgiveness is both a process and a choice, bust the “forgive and forget” myth, and share real-life marriage examples—complete with laughter, honesty, and a few “hypothetical” Amazon jokes.

Listeners will learn:

• How to start each morning by receiving God’s new mercies (Lamentations 3:22-23)
• Ways to speak daily grace over your spouse with morning check-ins, midday pauses, and evening resets
• Practical steps for working through conflict, communicating needs, and rebuilding trust when walls of resentment form

Whether you’re navigating old wounds or everyday annoyances, this episode offers a grace-filled blueprint for stronger, freer relationships.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:21

We do whatever it takes.

SPEAKER_00 0:51

So today we're going

SPEAKER_01 1:17

to talk about grace. Isn't this one time just Drop it, leave it, it's done. But grace is a daily reload. And

SPEAKER_00 1:26

honestly- I love that word, reload. Okay, sorry.

SPEAKER_01 1:29

No, no, I love that you love that word. But honestly, it's moment by moment, second by second. We need to constantly be ready to just drop grace wherever we go. Jesus says that he gives us grace upon grace, upon grace, upon grace, upon grace, right?

SPEAKER_00 1:48

Because Lord knows we all mess up.

UNKNOWN 1:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:50

And when we mess up, we need grace. We need that reloading of grace daily. Yeah, let

SPEAKER_00 1:59

me give you the verse of the day on that. Are you

SPEAKER_01 2:03

good? Give it

SPEAKER_00 2:04

to us. Lamentations 3, verses 22 and 23 says, Because of the Lord's great love, we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning. Great is your faithfulness.

SPEAKER_01 2:19

So God gives us fresh mercy. Yeah, for sure. And each morning

SPEAKER_00 2:45

when you wake up, I'm just learning this too, it's a really good time to, you know, set up the day, obviously, ideally spending time with God and resetting the day that way, but setting it up for success and going, okay, God, I'm thankful for these things that you've given me today and today's gonna be great no matter what happens because God's there with me and because his mercies are new today and his grace is new today and my grace for others can be new today Yeah,

SPEAKER_01 3:21

I know one of the things that I think is deceptive as a performer, I was, in fact, I was doing a show this week. And just because I've done this show, the person I was doing this with, Zhenya, he was filming for me. He said, Are you going to do anything new? I said, Not for this show. Like, I need to do everything the best I can. And it's

SPEAKER_00 3:45

stuff

SPEAKER_01 3:48

I've... Okay. But each audience is new and that connection. I can't just go, well, last time it worked and it was like the same place, the same area, the same, you know. Different people. Yeah. It's not the same people. It's not the same season. It's not that. So every show is different. And every day as we wake up, you know, the opportunities are different to give that grace. We can't just depend on what happened yesterday and go, well, hey, this worked yesterday. Yeah. And I know for us, like we've talked about that a lot with, you know, just because something worked yesterday. It's like, hey, I washed the dishes yesterday and you're like super grateful and like, hey, this is awesome. I appreciate it. I do it the next day. And it's not that you don't appreciate it, but maybe.

SPEAKER_00 4:37

Wait a minute, wait a minute. I know what you're really saying here. You're saying that maybe the dishes led to some physical intimacy maybe one day, but then you try it again the next day and it does not lead to physical intimacy. Yeah, that is not the recipe. Ah, I see. And forgiveness doesn't work like that. Is that

SPEAKER_01 5:23

like, I told you I loved you on our wedding day?

SPEAKER_00 5:25

Yeah, yeah. And that's it. Like, you should just know, right? I'll let you know if it changes. Ah, I have heard that. Yeah, maybe more story than actual people saying that. I hope, anyway. But forgiveness is a process. And there are layers of grace that keep unfolding. Will you

SPEAKER_01 5:46

talk to us about that forgiveness is a process? Because I think that's an important concept. I think people think, oh, I just, and this isn't a biblical thing, but people think, oh, you just forgive and forget. Oh,

SPEAKER_00 5:58

yeah. That is not biblical. That is terrible advice. Forgetting something where you've been physically hurt or emotionally hurt, anything like that, forgiveness is not that easy. And you certainly are not called to forget. Well, the

SPEAKER_01 6:16

idea of forgetting, why we forget things and why we remember things, things is a really difficult there's like that's true all kinds of books written on this I know as a in a magic show I've I've played around with this concept of having people forget things in a it's impossible like if especially like if I show them hypothetically a playing card and say forget this playing card don't remember you immediately like lock it into your brain okay okay so I think when we when we have this misconception of we need to forgive and forget. So then I'm like, well, you really, or I'll take you, you really hurt me. I need to forget that. I need to forget that. I need to forget that. It becomes impossible because you're thinking about forgetting

SPEAKER_00 7:06

it. What you need to forget.

SPEAKER_01 7:07

That's a good point. That's not the goal to forgive and forget. So it is this process. So talk to us about

SPEAKER_00 7:15

that. Yeah, the forgiveness process, it can come up in like it's not linear. It's, it comes in waves just like grief or like lots of things that we used to think were linear. Um, it's, it's waves. So we have to go, okay, I, Lord, I, I asked for your forgiveness or I've, I, I helped me give forgiveness to this person and grace to this person. Um, help me see them like you see them. And then the next like 10 minutes later, something can kind of feel like, Oh, I, you know that, but I remember that thing that hurts and, And sometimes it's because we don't want to forgive it, right? Sometimes it serves a purpose and allows us to stay at a distance from that person. Yeah, which builds those walls. Yeah, resentment and all of that because it's too hard to let go and in a way protects us from getting closer or from that person getting close to us and then hurting us again. So forgiveness is a choice and so is grace. Showing grace,

SPEAKER_01 8:21

offering grace. is a is a choice

SPEAKER_00 8:53

well you holding a grudge against that person or hate even or you know carrying that that but if they don't

SPEAKER_01 9:03

and i'm playing devil's advocate for a second but if they don't ask for that forgiveness or yeah they're not aware of how much they hurt me or i'm not even in relationship hypothetically with that person anymore

SPEAKER_00 9:16

sure so forgiveness isn't in that sense isn't for the other person it's for you right it doesn't mean forgiveness isn't the same as reconciling with somebody okay um reconciling would require forgiveness but forgiveness doesn't require reconciliation does that make sense so if you're saying you're not even in relationship with this person but you have some unforgiveness in your heart that's a weight that you're carrying around like in a backpack that you're carrying in this giant rock and it's If you have a bunch of those, I mean, that's heavy to keep carrying this unforgiveness in your- That's a great

SPEAKER_01 9:57

image. Nicely done. Hey, I actually got one. A backpack full of rocks.

SPEAKER_00 10:01

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:02

That's a really good image of that weight that holds you back from becoming who you're designed to be, which is free and not being weighed down by all of this unforgiveness that you carry around.

SPEAKER_00 10:14

Absolutely. And that it affects the lens in which you see everything. Right. So if we if we have this weight that we're always carrying, we're going to feel more weighed down. We're going to feel maybe more anxious or more angry. And that makes it harder to be in relationship with other people if we're carrying that. So it's to our benefit to carry. to have forgiveness for people who have wronged us. So

SPEAKER_01 10:47

let's try to give a real life example in the context of marriage here for a second. So let's say you're-

SPEAKER_00 10:59

Please share all of the things that I've done wrong to you,

SPEAKER_01 11:02

please. I'll give a hypothetical.

SPEAKER_00 11:05

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 11:06

Hypothetically, the spending patterns of a certain person- I'm glad this is hypothetical. Mm-hmm. How do we start that? Because let's say that couple, they built up a wall and there's more silence and maybe sweeping it under the rug and doing some functional stuff. Okay, let's have dinner. Let's do this. Let's go to bed. But not really working through the forgiveness

SPEAKER_00 12:30

of that. Yeah, which is dangerous, obviously, for the relationship. Yeah, thank you. Yeah, that's a really good one. The key in that is having carved out time to specifically address those issues. And it becomes active listening, right? So where I share with you-

SPEAKER_01 12:52

Yeah, let me say something before that, because I know you would say with that carved out time, that's a safe place and a place that allows that time. Uninterrupted. Yeah, if kids are coming home at three and at 2.55, you know, you're sitting down to talk and then you don't feel safe to have this conversation in front of the kids and kids are running wild, you know-

SPEAKER_00 13:12

Yeah. You'll be distracted. It's not going to be. Yes. Okay. So carving out a time that, um, you actually have, um, in a safe

SPEAKER_01 13:21

place to have that conversation.

SPEAKER_00 13:23

Yeah. Good point. So let's say you've done that. You're sitting down both of you with your cup of coffee or tea or whatever. And it, I would even say positioning yourself so you can see each other's eyes. It's easier to fight and be mad at each other if we're just next to each other side by side. Um, But looking into somebody's eyes is softening, softens our hearts towards each other. Yeah. Are you looking in my eyeballs right now? I'm looking in your eyeballs. And then it becomes a heart posture of I want to hear what the other person has to say. So if it's between the two of us, I can ask questions. I can be curious and say, hey, I know this is really frustrating to you. Tell me more about this whole spending thing that's driving you crazy I need to understand it better please explain to me what's going on for you in this situation stop

SPEAKER_01 14:23

buying

SPEAKER_00 14:26

stop this was hypothetical what are you talking about this is totally hypothetical

SPEAKER_01 14:30

tell your boyfriend Amazon to leave us alone to

SPEAKER_00 14:34

leave us alone but but he likes to come see me and they all all right we've got off the rails So back to, we're having this conversation and- So

SPEAKER_01 14:47

you're curious, you're asking questions.

SPEAKER_00 14:49

Right. And the other person is actively listening, not listening to respond. It's not waiting and going, okay, stop talking and stop talking. Oh, you stopped so I can say something now. And if you're going to say something that starts with, but you do this or you do that- Or

SPEAKER_01 15:07

you always, you

SPEAKER_00 15:08

never. Those are not gonna go well, right? So those need to be removed. So give me an

SPEAKER_01 15:11

example of- of a way to express your feelings um and at the same time help the other person to realize like this is the goal of what i want out of this conversation

SPEAKER_00 15:24

so in that hypothetical scenario we've got you're saying i hate it i don't like where our spending habits are at because it's causing a lot of stress and anxiety for me so i'm explaining to you what the emotion is, what the feelings are. So

SPEAKER_01 15:45

I'm able to respond, oh, I didn't know that was causing you stress and anxiety. And

SPEAKER_00 15:50

then you're validating that, right? Even if you don't feel like that would be the same case for you if the roles were reversed that doesn't

SPEAKER_01 15:59

matter

SPEAKER_00 16:01

yeah but that doesn't matter it's not a oh well if i were in your shoes i wouldn't feel like that absolutely not that's not gonna go well so it's a it's a validating of oh he's saying he feels scared and anxious with the spending the way it is and i would say to you i can hear that and i'm so sorry that I'm causing that or that I'm part of that. And then we can have a conversation about what can we do? How can we do this? What would help to change that?

SPEAKER_01 16:39

Stop buying stuff. That's what you can do.

SPEAKER_00 16:41

Hypothetically. Hypothetically.

SPEAKER_01 16:46

So we're clear on the solution.

SPEAKER_00 16:49

Okay. In this case, in the scenario that you gave us, where both people are feeling hurt and unheard then they need to both have an opportunity to say okay I can acknowledge that and I can apologize for my role in that can we also have space for me to share with you what it's like if I feel like I can't spend any money on anything anywhere anytime or whatever it is right if it feels restricting or however that feels or reminds me of my childhood where I never had any money and couldn't spend let me just I want

SPEAKER_01 17:25

to make sure that we hit this question of forgiveness, because that's what I said at the beginning is the process of forgiving is what, so you're saying this person is apologizing, but that doesn't necessarily mean the other person will forgive. What's that look

SPEAKER_00 17:42

like to go through that process? so the forgiveness can start there but it is a choice back to that that I have to choose to let go of this and it doesn't mean that it's instant though right this is not I mean we want to throw a grace grenade out there and have grace and forgive because I've screwed up too so it brings

SPEAKER_01 18:18

healing and hope and grace back into the relationship when there

SPEAKER_00 18:21

is absolutely yeah so that means I start to forgive. And it means that maybe we've kissed and made up or hugged and made up and we go about our day. But maybe that thought comes back that he did that thing or I did that thing. And so then the forgiveness

SPEAKER_01 18:42

keeps. Yeah, you're able to either realize you can, you have the ability to let that go and you process that and go, okay, it came back up. It's in my head, but I'm not going to hold that against that. person. Or I can't let this go and it's still bothering me. Then

SPEAKER_00 19:00

let's try another conversation about it. Let's have

SPEAKER_01 19:02

another conversation. You just have to be aware of your own capacity at that point. At different points, we have different capacities to forgive. I think as a whole, when we learn to forgive major things of others in our lives, we'll have the ability to forgive smaller things easier. But we have to start the process somewhere of learning to forgive. Um, and so if that comes back up, have another conversation and say, I know we talked about this. I know we were, we worked through this, but I'm still wrestling and it's still bothering me. I just want to let you know.

SPEAKER_00 19:38

Yeah. Yeah. And then the other person can come alongside and go, I know, like, I'm sorry that it hurts or, um, I understand. Yeah. Is there anything I can do? And maybe there is, maybe there isn't. Um, but at least we're communicating hey, I'm still working on this forgiveness for this one thing over here. And yeah, but acknowledging it is gonna go a lot further than just sweeping it under the rug or ignoring it.

SPEAKER_01 20:09

Yeah, and not buying any more stuff will

SPEAKER_00 20:11

go a long, long way. Hypothetically, of course. Hypothetically,

SPEAKER_01 20:17

hypothetically. All right, I feel like we've got our stuff out there. Oh,

SPEAKER_00 20:19

you know, the hypothetical. Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. But back to... Because they are somewhat intertwined, the grace and the forgiveness. Yes. Grace doesn't run out. We do have to reset, right? And I think that's what goes along with the forgiveness in that scenario, that hypothetical scenario, that we're choosing forgiveness and we're choosing grace. We're choosing to move forward and not let these things. In fact, biblically, I mean, God says it's to your glory to overlook So if you can, to even overlook it, but if it's still, like you said, if it's still with

SPEAKER_01 21:05

you to have that conversation. One fun thing to ask your spouse, and you could write it down separately without saying it out loud, is how much would you spend without talking to me?

SPEAKER_00 21:36

Yeah, we asked that in a marriage group a long time ago, and the responses were crazy different.

SPEAKER_01 21:42

Yeah, sometimes it's like...

SPEAKER_00 21:44

Someone's like, I could buy a car and not tell him or her. I was like, what?

SPEAKER_01 21:48

And then all the way down to, I wouldn't spend$10 with that. And so just the... It's one of those things where sometimes you have in your head, like I would never spend X amount,$200 without talking to my spouse, right? But they might have a vastly different number. So that's an important question to ask. And now, hey, actually, that would be really helpful if you decided to buy a car. I would like to be involved in that process. But that number might be a lot smaller. It might be if you decide to buy an Apple Watch, if you decide to get a new phone, if you decide to, you know, whatever those things are. Yeah. So that you're on the same page because we want to help get you on the same page so that you could have a great marriage and that you can move forward and that you could have grace.

SPEAKER_00 22:34

And as we kind of wrapped those things up, I want to give practical daily grace and how to reload that. And I really like these kind of three ideas, a morning check-in where you can pray or speak one word of grace over each other. Give

SPEAKER_01 22:52

me an example. I want you to speak grace over me. I want it.

SPEAKER_00 22:55

Give it to me. I was thinking right away that, I mean, what I did say to you today was that God's got this because it is a lot going on today. It's pretty overwhelming, the amount of stuff that needs to get done. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:10

Just to give you context, I have a brand new show coming out called Magic and Mayhem with my good friend, John Michael Hinton. And that comes out tomorrow. This episode will be way after it comes out. But that's good for us. We're planning in advance. But because I have been stressed and overwhelmed with the amount of stuff that needs to get done today, I'm doing this episode. I'm like, how's it going to get done? And for you to just speak grace over me was really beneficial and just helped me to go, God's got this. And we pray

SPEAKER_00 23:47

together. And none of this surprises him. God's not shocked by the amount of work right now that you have to do today. Yeah. still on the throne and he's still in charge and not freaking out that, Oh no, Danny, I don't know how we're going to do all this today. Right. So it's, um, I think that was a form of speaking grace over you.

SPEAKER_01 24:09

Thank you. I appreciate that. Okay. So a midday pause is the next one. Yep. So this is where you might text something affirming to your spouse and not that it needs to be a one-time thing and it doesn't need to be a text. It could be a voicemail. It could be, uh, Yeah, I love that.

SPEAKER_00 24:42

And then for an evening reset. so if anything went sideways

SPEAKER_01 24:56

nothing ever goes

SPEAKER_00 24:58

sideways where does it go it goes all around all cray cray um but naming it and forgiving it before you go to sleep and it's like recharging your battery three times throughout the day to to be able to reset and um yeah that last one's really important to go to bed not angry and work through things um

SPEAKER_01 25:23

it gives you peace in the night, gives you the ability to wake up refreshed instead of like, we got to deal with this. And if there are things you have to deal with, that's great. That's opportunity to grow closer together. Conflict isn't this negative thing. It's opportunities to have connection and to work through things and to allow those things to bring you closer than you've ever been before.

SPEAKER_00 25:49

Amen. Love that. So next week, we're talking about grace versus What is chaos and how to bring peace where resentment and confusion can try to take over?

SPEAKER_01 26:00

We can't wait. And remember to throw some grace grenades, not grace criticism or just grenades of attitude or just throw the grace. Yeah, throw grace of

SPEAKER_00 26:17

grace for each other.

SPEAKER_01 26:19

God has grace for us. Let's have grace for one another. It will change the atmosphere. of your relationships but for now we are Kim and Danny with we do whatever

SPEAKER_00 26:30

it takes