Love Cons: Why Men Get Fooled in Love And How to Spot the Truth

In this episode, I explore the world of love cons or romance scams—how they start, why they work on smart men, and the subtle manipulation that turns affection into control. From love bombing to isolation to the inevitable “urgent” request, I let you in on the con artist’s methods so you can see it coming and shut it down before it's too late. 

I share the real life story of "John" who was love conned out of tens of thousands of dollars, losing both his savings and his heart mistaking intensity for intimacy. I also share my own close call with a different kind of con. Check out the Love Cons: Why Men Get Fooled in Love And How to Spot the Truth, episode.

Beyond the Episode (YouTube)

Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome And Why This Matters
• 1:38 The Men Most At Risk
• 2:35 A Personal Close Call
• 4:24 How Romance Scams Operate
• 8:03 Psychological Vulnerabilities Explained
• 10:25 John’s Story Of Fraud
• 13:07 Why Smart Men Still Fall
• 15:20 Red Flags To Catch Early
• 18:05 Practical Protection Steps

Transcript

Bill Simpson: 0:10

Hi, and welcome to the Men on Love, the Love Uncle, The Love Kind, why men get fooled in love and how to spot the truth episode. I'm Bill Simpson, your host. I coach men who are done suffering in their relationships, men who want deeper love, real connection, and to finally feel like themselves again. I help them become the best version of themselves for themselves and for their current relationship or the one they're ready to find. So they can live the life they love.

Bill Simpson: 0:48

I recently watched a true crime show about love cons or these romance scams, right? Where someone pretends to be in a sincere relationship to get the victim to trust them in order to usually get money from them. And it kind of freaked me out. I was like, man, I've got to do an episode on this. So in this episode, I'll explore why love cons happen, how they work, and how you can protect yourself from being manipulated. And to be clear, this is not about stirring up fear, all right? It's about having the awareness and wisdom and protecting your heart while still staying open to love.

Bill Simpson: 1:32

I did some research about these love cons or romance scams, and they have grown dramatically in recent years. Many people assume mostly women are victimized, yet according to recent reporting, the reality is closer to being even with men and women, with maybe a slight bias towards men in some reports, which frankly surprised me. I thought it was more women. And of course, there are cases where they're not reported, so who knows what the real count is. And I want to say the main reason why I'm covering this topic is because I see a lot of men divorced, single, looking for connection who are vulnerable. They want love really bad. They want that sense of belonging and connection. And in coming from that vulnerable place, this is where the danger lies. And it's to no fault of their own.

Bill Simpson: 2:35

Now, I've never been love conned for money, but I did have a close call that taught me a big lesson. Back in college, when I was the DJ at a popular nightclub, it was a time I was young, I was impulsive and full of ego. And there was this very attractive woman who came on strong to me. You know, she would come up to the DJ booth and she would flirt with me, and eventually she gave me her number. And man, my heart raced. I was all excited. And I told my friend, one of the bartenders in the club, how excited I was. I was like, look, man, look whose number I got. And he shook his head and told me straight up. He was like, yo, man, I hate to burst your bubble, but you don't want anything to do with her. And I asked him why. And he told me that she had herpes simplex too. And she had a reputation of picking up these random guys to spread it to them. And I'm not gonna lie, I was crushed, man. But at the same time, I was also relieved and very grateful for the heads up.

Bill Simpson: 3:50

And what struck me wasn't so much the health scare, it was how easy it was for me to allow the image and the fantasy to override my better judgment. I had let my ego and desire write the story for me. And that moment stuck with me because it showed how easily I could be seduced by what seems glamorous or flattering or just too good to be true. Well, lesson learned.

Bill Simpson: 4:20

I share my story because love cons aren't always about money. Sometimes they target our ego, you know, our pride. They also target our loneliness and our desire to feel something real. And sometimes that's enough to get us hooked as a man. And the same goes for women too. Now, here's how love cons generally work. Typically there are stages. First, there's the initial contact and attraction. Often it's online through apps or social media. There's an alluring or sexy profile, usually with fake or stolen pictures.

Bill Simpson: 5:01

There's also what's called love bombing or an emotional intensity. You know, they're overly attentive. They shower you with compliments, they make you feel special, wanted, and seen. And what this does is build an emotional dependence right away, and it sucks you right in. And often there's isolation and secrecy involved, where they gradually discourage any outside connections you may have, and they ask for privacy. And what this does is reduce any outside perspective from, say, a friend or a family member about who you're dating. And this in turn increases their vulnerability.

Bill Simpson: 5:46

So then comes a request for help, money, or some other resource. And often it comes after they've established a deep emotional bond. They create a crisis like I'm stuck overseas, or I need medical treatment, I lost my job, and so on. This creates a sense of urgency and puts pressure on you to act. Love cons also involve gaslighting and manipulation. You know, if you hesitate in giving them what they want, they turn the guilt or shame or fear on you that it's all your fault. And they may threaten to withdraw from you emotionally or manipulate you in some kind of way to comply with them.

Bill Simpson: 6:33

And then there's the damage piece. And it can be financial, emotional, or psychological. You know, the loss of money, trust, self-esteem, there's so much shame, and then keeping you isolated as well. The damage is very serious, and victims often suffer long-term trauma as a result.

Bill Simpson: 6:58

Now, research shows that there are some psychological traits or vulnerabilities that make people more susceptible to love cons. People who strongly idealize romantic love and expect a perfect romance, those dealing with loneliness, low self-worth, or maybe they're going through a major life transition, like divorce, loss, or move. And they often crave connection and tend to be more trusting.

Bill Simpson: 7:30

And one other trait is people who rush into emotional intimacy too soon, and they believe that the intense emotional connection is a sign of true love. The bottom line here is that love cons are not about stupid people. They're innocent. You know, it's about taking advantage of that innocence, you know, being in a vulnerable state and being calculatedly manipulated. And look, no matter how smart you are, how old you are, your level of education, or your social or financial status, none of it guarantees safety from these cons.

Bill Simpson: 8:13

I came across this story based on public reports that shows how this plays out. There was a guy, um, I'll call him John, not his real name, of course. He was a successful businessman, and he met a woman on a dating app. She was beautiful, attentive, and seemed genuinely interested. She told him she worked abroad, so they could only text and video call occasionally. Well, after weeks of an intense emotional connection, the love bombing, she told him she had a sudden medical emergency overseas. She said she had no money, no insurance, and needed help immediately.

Bill Simpson: 8:56

Well, John had already fallen for her emotionally, and he wired her money. $10,000 to be exact. She expressed her gratitude and promised to pay him back. Then came more crises. There were travel expenses, hospital bills, and paperwork delays. Each time she needed more money, and each time she would guilt trip him, you know, saying, If you love me, you'll help me. Well, John ended up sending tens of thousands of dollars. Then one day she just disappeared. Her profile vanished, her numbers were disconnected, and John was left devastated emotionally, financially, and feeling so ashamed. His story ended up in a crime reporting database and is an example of what experts call romance fraud, which carries not just financial loss, but serious emotional injury.

Bill Simpson: 10:00

If you're listening and thinking, oh man, that could never happen to me, think again and know this. Many victims of this have said the same thing until they felt the connection, the intensity, and the hope of lasting romance or relationship. That's that vulnerable place where we can all get hooked.

Bill Simpson: 10:25

So why do men get fooled? Even smart men. Here's what the research I found says. Again, there's the loneliness, loss, desire for connection or validation, especially after a divorce or breakup, or if they've been isolated for some time, you know, being out of the dating scene.

Bill Simpson: 10:48

There's also the romantic idealization, believing that she's the one, you know, having fantasies of rescuing her, being the knight in shining armor, you know, I can relate to that. It's that fairy tale kind of love. They are also usually emotionally vulnerable or have low self-esteem or low self-confidence. And when someone is flattering them or shows them attention, it fulfills that unmet emotional need. And the flip side of that is that they can be overconfident or have the belief, like I said, you know, I'm too smart to get fooled. You know, I can't fall for that. The ironic thing about it is that overconfidence or belief can make you less guarded. So your guard's down and then you get sucked in. It happens.

Bill Simpson: 11:44

Another factor can be the lack of accountability or getting feedback from others. You know, if no friends or family see or vet the person that you're dating, it's easier to be manipulated. And to go along with that is that fast emotional bonding that usually happens. And then add on top of that the isolation from outside support that I mentioned, and there you go. So if you're looking for love or even just connection, there's some smart, grounded steps that you can take to protect your heart. You know, I always say, you know, keep your heart open and stay on the path to love. Well, here's some ways you can do that.

Bill Simpson: 12:28

First, it's recognizing the warning signs of a possible love con. Look for that intense affection early, you know, the love bombing. You know, hearing, oh, I've never felt this way, or you're my soulmate. Any kind of expressions like that of love early on, watch out for that. If they are reluctant or refuse to meet in person or on a video call, especially after many weeks or months, that's a huge red flag.

Bill Simpson: 13:00

Pay attention to the stories that they tell, you know, stories that are vague, inconsistent, overly traumatic, or involve some urgent crisis. And notice if there are gaps in their background stories or pictures. Pay attention. And another big one is requests for money, especially things like bail fees, uh travel, or some sort of emergency. And I want to emphasize that no matter how small the request is for money, it will usually increase as trust is established.

Bill Simpson: 13:39

And watch out for any pressure to move fast, whether emotionally or financially. Slow down. And if they are keeping you from your support system, you know, your family and friends, asking you to keep things secret or discouraging outside contact, run, man, run. That's a huge red flag.

Bill Simpson: 14:04

So now that you know the warning signs, let's continue on how you can protect your heart. Take your time, man. Do not rush intimacy or lock in emotionally too fast. If it's real, it will reveal itself in time. Watch out for those red flags I mentioned, you know, the financial requests, the pr pressure to do anything, secrecy, and those overly dramatic stories.

Bill Simpson: 14:35

Make sure you maintain your outside connections and share your experience. You know, talk to a friend, a family member, a mentor, someone about the person you're dating. Because a lot of times we don't want to hear what others think about who we're dating. But it's so important to get another perspective, especially if you're having doubts. And make sure to insist on video calls and real-time verification. Meet in person before committing deeply emotionally or financially and keep your values and boundaries clear. Know what you will and won't do, and honor them with all your heart.

Bill Simpson: 15:20

Another thing is to go inside your body. Oftentimes we don't do this, and this is where it can really reveal itself. Trust your gut and your nervous system. If something feels off, don't deny it or overlook it. Take a pause, step back, and evaluate. And look, when you're being love bombed, it's hard to keep a clear head. So trust your body, trust your gut and your heart. They know before your brain does.

Bill Simpson: 15:57

And go for real-world relationships and honor your self-worth. Don't rely on digital romance for validation. Apps can be great for initial connection, but keep it real so you don't get lost in the digital fantasy. Because a real person can sense your energy, your pain, and can respond to you with compassion. Someone who knows you calls you out on your shit and holds you accountable. Real relationships allow room for growth and honesty. It's operating with integrity with your values, being consistent and building trust over time. That's something a scammer cannot imitate. That's why healing, love, and growth always need that human foundation and connection.

Bill Simpson: 16:51

And listen, if you're ready for real connection, not just online fantasy or that quick flame chemistry, reach out to me, man. Schedule a free coaching session with me at MenOnThepatholove.com. I'll walk you through how to reconnect with yourself, set boundaries, and build real relationships, not just illusions. You don't have to walk this alone. I'm here. If you know someone who's been hurt or lost to a love con, please share the link to this episode and share the love. Maybe this episode will help them wake up to what's real versus what's fantasy.

Bill Simpson: 17:33

This week's quote of the week comes from author Stephen King. He puts it simply " the trust of the innocent is the liar's most useful tool." Yeah, man, it's the innocent that get love conned for sure. And hopefully this episode has opened your eyes.

Bill Simpson: 17:56

And on that note, that will do it for this episode of the Men on the Path to Love Podcast. The Love Cons. Why men get fooled in love, now to spot the truth episode. I'm Bill Simpson, your host. Thank you so much for listening.

Bill Simpson: 18:14

Now, coming up on the next episode of the Men on the Path to Love Podcast, I was recently on a call with a guy who found out that he was trauma bonding with the woman he was saving. And this is something that affects far more people than you might think. Kinda like the love con. Trauma bonding happens when intense emotional highs and lows, fear, inconsistency, or manipulation create a powerful attachment that feels like love. But it isn't. It's the kind of bond that keeps good men stuck in relationships that hurt them, or confuse them, or pull them away from who they really are.

Bill Simpson: 18:53

I'll explore what trauma bonding is, how it happens, and why it's so hard to walk away from, and most importantly, how to break free and rebuild relationships rooted in safety, trust, and emotional health. If you've ever held on to someone who wasn't good for you or wondered why you felt addicted to a relationship that was tearing you down, you won't want to miss this one, man. Please join me next time for the Is It Love or a Trauma Bond? How to Tell the Difference, episode. And until next time, keep your heart open and stay on the path to love.