Getting Less Passive and More Active on Podcasts and Social Media With Sharon Walters

Many times on this podcast, I’ve talked about how powerful virtual connection can be, with the caveat: are you ACTUALLY engaging, or are you just lurking? 

Today we dive into connection through podcasts and social media, emphasizing active over passive consumption. Our guest is Sharon Walters, a coach and author who has made it her mission to transform gratitude from a reaction to an action.

In this episode, Sharon highlights the impact of positive feedback and genuine interactions. She uses social media to build meaningful relationships and supports content creators by sharing their work and closing the loop. 

It’s easy to turn social media and podcasts into passive connections, but actually, they are brimming with opportunities for authentic relationships. There are real people behind the microphones and cameras, and it only helps to show them some love. So give them a like. Send them a message. You might even make a new friend.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• What it means to close the loop in virtual connections so that you’re actively participating instead of just lurking
• The possibility of virtual connection: Sharon’s friendships she’s made through social media or podcasts, and my own
• My challenge to you: if you’re listening to a podcast, and it’s not one of the chart-toppers, connect with them: send them a message, give them a like
• The importance of being genuine and authentic in online interactions (and also, the value of positive feedback for content creators)

Resources & Links

Sharon is a business owner, gratitude coach, fitness trainer, and author. Visit her website and follow her on Facebook and Instagram.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

This episode is sponsored by Slowly, a digital pen pal app used by over 10 million people worldwide. If you’ve been looking for a low-pressure way to connect with someone completely outside your normal friendship circle, this is it. Exchange letters at your own pace, no small talk panic required.

Download Slowly free and get 30% off Slowly Plus using my link: https://open.slowly.app/miXL/l8ei5iw6

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? hits shelves June 16. Get on the waitlist for pre-order bonuses + a first look.

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today. 

Transcript

Alex Alexander: 1:28

All right, gang. Here's to nights that turn into mornings and friends that turn into family. Cheers. Hello, hello, and welcome to the Friendship IRL podcast. I'm your host, Alex Alexander. Each week we talk about what is working(and what is not) in our friendships, community and connections. Have you ever wished you could sit down and have a conversation about what is really going on in your friendships? Well, you found your people. Join us as we dive into real life stories and explore new ways to approach these connections. Together, we're reimagining the rules of friendship

Alex Alexander [Narration]: 2:19

I'm going to ask you a question, and I want you to give yourself an honest answer. No one else has to know. You'll understand why I'm laughing in a second you for the sake of this episode like you just should know this answer, and my question is, how many hours a week are you spending either listening to podcasts or on social media, and if you need to hit pause right now, in fact, I would suggest everyone hit pause, go open up your screen time app and give yourself an honest answer. I don't need to know. Nobody else around you needs to know, but you need to know because today, we are diving into our relationship with podcasts and social media as a form of connection, because at the end of the day, that's what they are, right? You put in your headphones, or you open up your phone and you scroll and suddenly you have endless options of people who are talking to you, but do you ever talk back? Now, we're all thinking, aren't we? Many, many times before in this podcast, I have offered up this idea of how powerful virtual connection can be, but I always have this caveat, and it's like, yeah, but are you engaging or are you just lurking? And that's where we're going today. So when you look at those hours in your screen time and you see the total for podcasts and social media, I want you to think to yourself, are you actually connecting ever at all, or are you just lurking during all that time you see? Podcasts and social media are valuable tools in our connection toolbox, and if you're feeling lonely today, the joy is that you can just go join in on someone's conversation. It has never been easier. You just pull up your phone, open up the app, pick a podcast, hit play, put your headphones in, and now you feel like you are chatting with someone. If you want to broaden your horizons or receive advice, or just step outside of your own world for a second, you just pull out your phone, open your social media app of choice and start scrolling. But how often are you closing the loop? I'm going to take you on a little analogy trip here, and I want you to stick with me, because I I really think that this is important to set up this episode today. You know, I talk a lot about how we should be thinking about virtual connection, as if we're in a room with these people, because there are so many similarities, but we're trying to block out the similarities and pretend that it's different and it's not serving us. So I want you to imagine the scenario. I want you to think about. You have just flown into a new city, you never been there before, and you get off the plane and you're gonna go wander the streets, right? This is similar to that act of pulling up your phone. Is a big city. There's a lot going on in this city. So there are multiple, maybe, like, different convention centers, where, if you went inside, there would be all these groups of people, people that are there for Comic Con. You go to another big building with all those rooms in the convention center, and there's a birding conference. You go to another one, and the postmasters general is having their annual conference right? Career oriented? Maybe there's a Taylor Swift concert going on. So you have all these different convention centers with all these people's interests, but you also have restaurants, and as you walk down the street, you could open up any of those doors and go in. There's just a bunch of little different groups having their own conversations. You have bars, maybe some of those, with live entertainment. You have theaters and parks and coffee shops, and you even have people's homes. And as you're walking down this little virtual Street. Here you are doing a analysis for yourself. This analysis I'm about to talk about is very common. It's common as you're scrolling, as you're picking your podcast nowadays, you're like, okay, this person I'm about to have a conversation with, I'm about to listen to them for an hour. Me, right? Me. Use me as an example right now. Do your values align with me? Do you want to be in conversation with me? Do you feel energized or drained by the end of this podcast, and sometimes maybe overwhelmed, because sometimes, I think that's probably how some of you feel when you listen to this podcast and as you're moving through your podcast app or your social media. If you don't agree with me, you're going to unfollow my podcast. If you feel drained by me, you're going to unfollow me on social media. This is more and more commonplace, right? It's the same thing we're doing in real life, out in the world, face to face with people. But today's episode, I hope you think about another layer, and that is when you come into the room with me here today, and you've decided our values aligned, and you feel energized, or at least inspired or only semi overwhelmed when you're hanging out with me. What are you doing in the room? That's the question, because, as I said, I think it's easy for us to think that we are disconnected from this, right? I'm over here with my microphone. I probably by the time you're listening to this, it's already been recorded. I am not actively presently in this conversation, but I put it out there for you, and you can pop up this conversation at any time, and you're just staring at your device or letting this podcast play. And it's easy to convince yourself like, oh, well, I'm just a fly on the wall, right? Alex would be having these conversations about friendship no matter what, and I do. But what I want to remind you, as someone who creates content is that I am only firing up the microphone when I plan to fire up the microphone, right? I am only recording content when I'm planning to record content. So you might think that this is passive, but it is not like unless I decided to Big Brother style set up cameras in my home and just live stream my life 100% of the time, where you could overhear every conversation I'm having. Me and my husband are having me and my friends are having when they come over, right? That's not how this works. I am intentionally choosing what to share with you, because what I'm sharing is what I think you want to talk about, right? I'm trying to start a conversation. I'm over here with the microphone being like, let's talk about this. So when you're in my room and you're hanging out with me, what are you doing? Like, if we go back to this city analogy, if you've decided to walk into my conference center and everybody's walking around talking about friendship and having all these conversations. Are you joining in and actually chatting with someone? Are you trying to find me and chatting with me? Are you just walking through the room and listening to bits and pieces of conversations you're overhearing? Are you standing on the side of the room wishing someone would come talk to you? Are you standing in the room with a megaphone screaming angry profanities, and how, if you actually did that, whatever you're doing, would you feel when you left, if this was in real life, right, if you were in that convention center? Because I think it's so similar here online, so many people are just people standing on the side of the room. And if you did that and you looked at the number of hours a week that you were doing that you might be like, Wow, this was a waste of time. Why did I even go? I feel awkward. But yet, so many people are doing this online, and they've just convinced themselves that it's different, but it's not. Now, I never, ever, ever want to say that virtual connection is lesser than in person connection, because I don't believe that. I believe it's just different. But what I do think is that it is easier to turn social media and podcasts into a passive connection activity when, in fact, they are brimming with opportunities for connection. And I'm not saying that you need to go in and talk to every single person in that Convention Center Room, but I'm just saying, Are you at least having a conversation here and there every once in a while with some of your favorite people, something to think about, like what I'm asking you is, is virtual connection actually serving you, if you aren't engaging and you're just standing on the sidelines, or is it maybe just slowly draining you, and you've convinced yourself that it's the people you're following, when in fact, the drain is actually that you are not closing. Closing the Loop ever on virtual connection. You're taking in everyone else's thoughts, and you're never actually having a conversation with anybody about it something to think about. Now in today's episode, you'll hear our guest Sharon Walters. She is closing the loop like she is active in the virtual rooms that she is in, and she's going to tell us all sorts of stories and experiences she's had, everything from messaging people to tell them that she actually listened to and enjoyed their podcast episode to reaching out to somebody whose viral video still sticks with her years later, Sharon Walters is a gratitude coach and author who has made it her mission to transform gratitude from a reaction into an action. Through her work with gratis 365 she's helping people make gratitude an intentional daily practice, and you will see how she is bringing that into her virtual connections. I'm really excited about today's episode. It's gonna leave us all thinking, so I will stop here. Let's dive in.

Alex Alexander: 12:32

Hi, Sharon, I'm so excited that you're here. Oh, thank you, Alex. I am too. You know, it's very fitting we're gonna do an entire episode about online connections and how to meet people virtually, because you've done a lot of that, and that's fitting, because we met virtually, as I do with so many people on this podcast, I have, like, all these internet friends all over the world now that I've met, but I've never actually met in person, and that's exactly how you and I got connected. Do you want to tell me a little bit about some of the types of connections, like, why did you go to social media to make connections? Was there anything like you were particularly seeking out?

Sharon Walters: 13:18

Well, you know, one of the things that happened for me is when COVID hit, and I think what that was 2020, or something, that is when really the whole thing started because, and I'm sure for many people, you know, there was not connections. I personally like connections. I discovered when I started doing social media, the vast opportunities as you I'm sure everyone has about all the people you get to meet from all over the world. There's no There's no boundaries. It's like nothing to call Europe and and all over the world with the internet and social media to do that. And, you know, as I started doing that, oh my gosh. And I think because of COVID, you were, you couldn't see people in person at that time. It really felt comfortable, and it was the right thing. So that was really my start, and a lot of times it was people who were into personal growth work, one of my big things is gratitude, or exercise, or also massage. So those areas that interest me. However, I was also still really open to talking to people, if just something they said, or something they whatever that was that was not even in that arena. I was just open to it. I just, I love meeting people and hearing about people, and it's just, it's been a fun journey. Really has

Alex Alexander [Narration]: 15:54

so when you say people, like, said something that was interesting or whatnot, how did you go about like, Was this in comment threads? Were you in groups? Were you DMing each other. How are you having these conversations?

Sharon Walters: 16:07

Yeah, so a lot of it because I'm kind of a Facebook kind of gal. I've gotten more into Instagram, but that was really where it started, was I'd say Facebook, so I'd have all these people that I'd see, either friends of mine, that were on a podcast or something, and and I really enjoyed listening to their podcast, and I also liked a lot hearing what they said, and I liked that the host as well of that podcast. So I would go and find them on Facebook and instant message them on Facebook, you know. And just saying how cool it was, you were interviewing my friend, and I really like what you're doing. And that's all I said, you know. And then they reach back out to me, and I've been on many podcasts, just not intending to do that, but I was just being real about letting them know how much I enjoyed their conversation, that they have my friend,

Alex Alexander [Narration]: 16:54

this gave me a light bulb moment, and I want to share that light bulb moment because I'm about to suggest A connection tactic that I have never suggested before. So if you are somebody who is a avid podcast listener, I want to let you in on a I mean, I'd say a little secret, but if you search for this online, the information is readily available, so it's not that much of a secret. But if you're not a podcaster, you probably have no idea how many downloads like, how many listens most people's podcast gets, and when I started podcasting Honestly, I was very shocked by these numbers. I assumed that podcasts were getting way more. Listens. But in order to be in the top 50% the top half of podcasts, your podcast episode in the first week it's released has to get more than 30 downloads. In order to be in the top 25% your podcast has to get more than 93 downloads in the first week, the top 10% is more than 335 downloads. The top 5% is more than 795 downloads. Why am I telling you this? Well, because there are so many people out here who want to be talking about something they're interested in, so much so that they get themselves a microphone and they hit record and they post it on the internet, hoping that somebody else cares. Now, yes, do some people turn like, start a podcast because they want it to turn into something bigger, yes, but I think a lot of people just start a podcast because they want to connect with other people. They have some niche interest or focus or thing they care about, and they want other people to care about it too. They want to find those people. And so what I'm going to suggest to you is, if you are listening to a podcast and it's not one of the chart topper podcast. I mean, if it is still message them, but especially if it isn't, that is a real human, or humans behind the microphone who might be getting 30 people listening a week, and really, at the end of the day, all they want to do is connect with other people who care. And this might be a great way to make a virtual friend, connect with them. However they suggest, whether that's email or on social media or by writing, I mean reviews, I guess, wouldn't get you much, probably back. But all I'm trying to say is find how they want to connect and connect with them, because you might have just found a new person, a new friend who has the same niche interest. And if you've convinced yourself like, oh, they have this podcast, they have so many people, the numbers say that they very well may not have that many downloads, and they could totally handle some conversations with people so reach out.

Alex Alexander: 20:05

I was just gonna say that warms my heart so much, because as a podcast host, right, you and I record this episode, and then it gets published to the world, and I have no idea how people are reacting to it. You know, people are in their car, they're walking their dog with air pods, and they're playing this over there, Alexa, and I love that you're actually reaching out to hosts, because it just feels like you put it out there and you don't know where it's gonna go. It's so fun when it does come back to you?

Sharon Walters: 20:46

Yeah, and you know what? And I share with you too, that really, I appreciate all the host of podcasts. I mean, I really, it's amazing what you all do, what you do, and all the others, because I, at this point, do not want to host my own podcast. I love meeting other people who are having the podcast, and there's a lot of work that goes into it. So thank you for you and all the podcasters out there that do what they do. And it really opens up a whole new world where the people that want to talk and have something to share, whatever that is, we have such an opportunity to do that now, and it's a win win on both sides.

Alex Alexander: 21:24

Yeah, you know, I read some stuff actually. Like, societally, we talk a lot about social media and like, how that's impacting connection. But I saw an article. I'll have to find it for the show notes of this episode. It was talking about how podcasts are so appealing to people because you feel like you're a part of a conversation, like there's this parasocial aspect to it, where you're a bystander, but in your head, when you're listening, you're probably contributing. You know, you're saying things in response. Now, obviously nobody's responding back to you, because it's not live, but people really do get fulfillment out of podcasts, but then you're taking it a step further and completing the circle, which is really fun for the podcasters.

Sharon Walters: 22:17

I love that. I you know, I just thank you. I do. And you know, for me, what I've realized in doing these podcasts, being the guest, I found my voice, the things that come through me, what I share, it is so amazing, because it's not something I ever when greatness comes, you know, when people are our guests and what they have the opportunity to share with the host? And it's funny you say that, because really, I don't even think of. Until right after you said something, I don't think about the numbers of people that are hearing this. You know, now that I've done enough of them, that's way cool. If this really reaches and touches somebody out there in the world of what's going on here.

Alex Alexander [Narration]: 22:58

I agree with you. When I have a guest on, I don't think about it as much that somebody's going to listen to this episode. I think, as a host, I do a little bit it's like in the back of my mind, obviously, if we say something, or I think most often it's when maybe I'm like, furiously nodding my head, and I know that somebody's gonna be listening to this on audio. So I wanna break that wall and let people know that like, what you can't see over here is that I am vigorously shaking my head, yes, but for me, I think it comes in most when I'm recording solo episodes, right? Because Why am I talking to my microphone and to my camera? I know I am speaking to a bunch of people that I don't know who they are. Like anybody can get on Apple or Spotify or whatever and hit play, and I have no idea other than they're just like another number in the downloads and the analytics. But I look at that sometimes and like, Who are all these people that I just talked to for an hour? Who am I even talking to for an hour? You obviously, thanks for hanging out. I want to tell you about a common experience I have, and it's becoming more and more common, which is really fun for me, because, as you're hearing in today's episode, I love getting to meet any of you I can in any way I can, whether that's in person or virtually. It's just so fun, right? That we're having these conversations all the time. So when it loops back to me, like please always say hi if you see me, but also, I mean online, I'm available all the time. You say hi anytime. Okay, I've talked about this idea of parasocial relationships before, but I want to tell you what that feels like, right? When I meet someone in person, and somebody comes up to me and they're like, oh my gosh, hi. This is so weird. I feel like I know you, but you have no idea who I am. I listen to your podcast and they're like, This is so awkward. And here's what I want to tell you, it's not awkward, right? I am well aware that I have chosen to fire up this microphone and put this out there to chat with you, I know, so instead of thinking that it's awkward, just catch me up. Like, I want to know who you are. That's normally my response to people is, like, It's not awkward. I know that people listen to my podcast. I know what I share out there, but I want to know about you. Like, who are you? How did you find out about the podcast? What are some of your friendship reasons that you're tuning in? What do you think about like, I want to talk about it right? I fire up this microphone because I would talk about it all the time, and I want to talk about it with all of you listening right now, and even if we walk away from that interaction and we are not the closest friends ever. You are giving me one more insight into who is in this community, and I want to know it's like a never ending puzzle. I want to know who's listening. So we may never be the closest of friends, but you're helping me put a face to somebody that's in my community, right? If we think of the wheel of connection, you're in my community, you're here, hanging out every day, or maybe we're familiar friends. Maybe you're emailing me all the time, maybe you're in my DMs online all the time. You never know where this is gonna go. A podcast guest on here, and I chat all the time on social media. I've never met him in person, but we just stay in touch. And the other day, he messaged me and said, Hey, I need to take a break from social media. I have no idea if you're willing to do this, and I totally get it if you aren't, no big deal. But I really enjoy our chats. Here's my phone number, and now Him and I are texting every once in a while to check in. You never know what will happen with these virtual connections. Now I'm not saying that's gonna happen with all of you. I adore you all. I'm sure at some point, the more I grow, I will have that definitely will not be possible. I just won't have capacity for that. You all already have told you how bad I am anyways, at text messages. But what I'm trying to tell you is people are connecting. So if you're like, Oh, that would never happen, you don't know. You don't know. So if you really enjoy the conversations you're having with this person. Or virtually close the loop, reach out to them. It doesn't even have to be with me like I'm not doing this. So I hear from more of you. I'm telling you this because maybe there's someone you would really love to connect with that you listen to their podcast, or you connect with them on social media. They are real people. It could be anyone. Reach out to them.

Sharon Walters: 28:06

You know, what's so great is that you know you and I talked about, I guess, couple weeks ago, and I never met you. I loved what your podcast is about, with connections and friendship. I love that. And what's so cool is that okay, if I may, I want to just toot your horn a little bit, some amazing things that have happened for you, as we were talking is that here you're doing this podcast, and you're you're up for these amazing awards and things about the person to see in Seattle. I mean, I just met you, and all these wonderful things are happening for you. So whoever's listening to this podcast, Alex is really something special here, and I just got to find it out, and I want everyone else to hear about that. Pretty amazing.

Alex Alexander: 28:49

Thanks, Sharon. And like, what a prime example of how meaningful it can be to just meet someone and you're over here giving me, like, words of affirmation that is so kind of you. I think that so often, so much focus is placed on in person connection. And don't get me wrong, that is very important. It is very important. But the thing about online is online as a tool, and so many of us are not using it to its full capacity. It's kind of like, you know, you can pay for a personal training app, let's say, and you can pay the money, and you can sign up, and if you never actually do the exercises, you're not going to see any change. Social media is so similar in that we have access to all this connection. It's at our fingertips, and most people are just lurking. They're just watching. And if you actually use social media to be social, whether that is with your close people by actually commenting or DMing them to say, Wow, that looked like a fun trip, or like you're doing by reaching out to people that you've been impacted by and actually being social. Like we have this tool, we just have to use it, and that's exactly what I think you're doing here.

Sharon Walters: 30:28

Yeah, absolutely, you know. And I it's natural for me. It's just it was a natural step for me to take. And I think by doing it, it has other people, likes my friends and people and anywhere else that, it gives them, like, permission, like, wow, she's doing that. That's kind of cool. I should really try that, and I'm just doing because I really want to, and I see the impact, how good it feels for me, and it just, it's broadened my world. It's opened it up so much with different people. I mean, my world is huge, of the people that that I've met, and I just keep, for me, the difference too about this. It's like we're not all like best friends or anything, but there's a great connection with the people we meet, and just to the point where I want to keep meeting more of them, not, you know, too many, but just whenever I'm drawn to it, meeting more and more and and a lot of times I don't even forget about the others, because there's a connection that stays there on some level with the other people that I've met.

Alex Alexander [Narration]: 31:25

You know, you were bringing up those events. And the first one of those events that I did the south Salem magazine, women to watch party. There was a Q and A section at the end, and somebody asked, how they can support us as like Women to Watch as there's a news anchor in the Seattle area up there, a philanthropist, a pair of women who are business owners, another content creator. So everybody had their own answer, but my answer was like, remember that these people who are out here putting out content are often waking up every day and just doing the next thing, like they're not getting that much feedback. So every time somebody gave me feedback, that was like the fuel I needed the next day to get up and keep putting something out there. Because I think that anybody that's creating, okay, well, maybe not anybody that's creating, but a lot of people who are creating with like, passion because they want to see some sort of change in the world, they're doing it because they're hoping they're going to like, spark some conversation in real life, and that it's going to help people. So when you hear that. That is actually what's happening. It's the reason you keep going the next day and like, what I told people on that stage was the people that you're listening to, or you're watching their content, or you're doing their things like they're real, people on the other side of that microphone or that camera reach out and say hi, tell them that that that thing that they said yesterday impacted you, because this is a form of connection that people are tapping into and then, like not completing that circle ever.

Sharon Walters: 33:19

I love that. I love what you just said, and having other people hear that so that that really could make a difference with podcasters, that what you just said, that people may not know that, that you hear you are doing this, but you don't sometimes hear the feedback. And so I just, I love that for you and all podcasters,

Alex Alexander: 33:36

thank you well, and I'm grateful because you're doing it.

Sharon Walters: 33:41

I know it because it feels good and it's the right thing. It just is for me, you know, it just it felt this the right steps, and it makes me feel so good. And it's like this voice kind of said to me, you need to do this. And I'm like, Okay. And it feels really good when I do that, you know, to support others that are doing what I choose not to do, being a podcaster. But I like being, you know, on and I like sharing my voice and so forth with them the conversation, but I kind of get put myself almost in your maybe sort of in your shoes, but I'm not doing it, so I can help out in some ways, and that feels right.

Alex Alexander: 34:17

It's kind of like that idea that I saw, like a post this morning, somebody talking about how they had a really great interaction with a pharmacist. Their kids were sick. They've been like desperately trying to get their kids feeling better for like, weeks, and they had this really great interaction with a pharmacist, and they were saying that they were actually going to go and fill out the comment card, like the online thing at the bottom of the receipt from the drugstore, and give kudos to the pharmacist, because so often we only leave feedback if it's negative feedback, it's like so rare that we give positive feedback, and how much we all crave that and need that, But so rarely do we take the time to do it. And this seems like a similar like you are doing a service by filling out the comment card that is positive for people and reminding them that people are listening.

Sharon Walters: 35:18

That's kind of my life's work is about. I'm all about positivity and acknowledgement and and gratitude and all that stuff. So this just gives me another opportunity, and I do that all the time, and I feel so good about it, to do that

Alex Alexander: 35:30

well, and I think you're also showing that it can just be these little things. Like, I think sometimes we feel like Gratitude has to be this big overwhelming act, and it maybe needs to even be reserved for, like, our closest people, and we need to make these, like, big speeches, but there's so many moments for gratitude in our day to day and even in these small interactions.

Sharon Walters: 35:55

Yeah? Well, sure, even, you know, I say like, I mean, even just saying hello to somebody when you're out walking, even a smile, giving a smile when you're just those tiny little things like that can change someone so much. I think a

Alex Alexander: 36:07

lot of people are gonna listen to this and be like, Okay, well, this seems like a lot of work on my part, right? Like, that's a lot of energy that you're giving, and I love that you're doing it. What do you think has come back for you from putting out the gratitude and, like, making the effort to say hi and doing those little things,

Sharon Walters: 36:25

it all comes back to me. It's how I feel, how it makes me feel. I'm a totally different person, and I've chosen this because, you know, people can do meditation, mindfulness, whatever that is, my chosen one is just, is the gratitude piece, and it's kind of selfish, really, because I just love the person I am, and I'm out there for myself and out there for everyone by being this person. So it's kind of selfish for me, and I'm going with it, you know, I really do. It makes all the difference in the world for me.

Alex Alexander: 36:54

I mean, what that made me think of is so many of us think of gratitude as, yeah, like for somebody else, but when we have gratitude, we're more present. So I see why you're saying it's selfish, because it yanks you back into the present moment to say even just like, wow, I really enjoyed that conversation I got to listen to. I'm like, grateful I spent the last 45 minutes listening to that that was wonderful. And like, actually acknowledging that for yourself, instead of getting to the end of the podcast episode and just being like, Okay, well next, yeah, you're like, always on to the next thing. So really, that is for you. I've never really thought about it that way, besides, like the podcasters, what other people have you met online? Yeah.

Sharon Walters: 37:44

So one of the people, I don't know if anyone who's listening has seen the the girl, her name is Jessica, and she's this young girl, well, she's now grown but I was at a retreat and I saw this young girl that in the Facebook video she was or YouTube, I should say, she was standing on the counter in the bathroom in this cute little blonde curls, and she's looking at the mirror, and she's talking about, I love my mom, I love my dad, I love my teachers. I love it's just all these things. She's a motivational seven year old that, and it just took me this video was life changing for me, it really was, and I couldn't stop thinking about her. And then years later, I said, I wonder what she's doing. I mean, this is years later, and I started going on social media and on Facebook, and I found her, and she was like, in her 20s now, so and I shared with her, I just reached up, messaged her on Facebook, and I said, you know, I really, I saw you at a retreat, and it really inspired me of what you did, and I and I did something similar to what you did on stage, and it really made a difference for me, and it changed my life. And she wrote back to me. So that was really powerful. That was like, really one, really big one that, you know, she actually wrote back. And then I knew that, gosh, there's no stopping you could do anybody that you think of, I guess another one that I will say that was a woman who started a group, it's called extraordinary women magazine. I was drawn to her for the word, but not for me. The guy shared this with you, I think, yeah, you did that. I was trying to find all my friends who were extraordinary in my eyes, to reach out to her. They need to meet this woman. And nobody did. And I thought, okay, I guess it's for me. So I reached out to her, and I became part of her group, and we have become really good friends. I mean, I wouldn't have even believed this, but we really have become really fantastic friends, this woman. So that was another one that came from so many different directions that I thought I was going in, and it was really great. So, you know, and what it's done for me is there's nobody that I would not think to not reach out to. I don't care. I mean, I've done private messages, not private, but I'm on Oprah's group, and I've just gone and I've done comments on Oprah's group, and before, I would have been afraid about it stand out. And I'm like, No way. It's like, I just, I just, if I'm called to it, and I just do it, and whatever happens, you know, I just, that's it.

Alex Alexander: 40:20

I think that a lot of people sometimes think that, like, the internet is a very negative place, depending on, you know, where you put yourself, or, I don't know, maybe people don't think that. And I just think people do think that, but I generally think most of the attention goes to, like, the negative comments and the negative thoughts and the trolls and that kind of thing. And all I can think about when you're talking is like, if even 10% of people said that the nice thing they're thinking how much that would probably overtake the negative online. Because I think so many of us are thinking these things like, oh my gosh, that's funny, or that was really helpful, or I'm really interested in this, or thank you for having that conversation that you recorded that I got to listen to, but we never say it, at least not I'm going to say, like, out loud, but out loud being in a comment in a DM, like, in the internet space,

Sharon Walters: 41:18

yeah, well, and I love you saying that. And the thing for me is that I'm here to say that all my pages, all my everything on Facebook and Instagram is all about the positivity. It's all I do, and it serves me again, selfish a little bit, but it serves me, but I know it's serving others, I think. And that's all I do, is doing just that. And I know, not even think. I know there are many people out there that are doing the same thing. And you know how Facebook and all the algorithms go when you're putting out positive stuff, I get tons of people that are doing amazing things on social media. It's amazing how there is the negative part, but there's a lot of positive going on in the world, in social media, in my world, at least

Alex Alexander: 42:02

I was gonna say. So what you're saying is because you're commenting on the positive. I mean, that's interesting, if you really think about it, because you're commenting on the positive, because you are positive, that the algorithm is probably picking up on that, and that's what it's feeding you. But if you are watching or only leaving the negative comments, that you're probably getting fed more, oh my gosh. I want to go find studies on this, and if not, I want somebody to do it, because you're probably so right. It's like, where you silo yourself in, in how you're interacting and what you're interacting with. And I know we think about that in like topics, but yeah, the algorithm is so smart that's probably also just what it feeds you. Generally, is like the. Guess the vibe, the vibe of the content being positive or negative. The other thing I was thinking about was I saw, I think it was a podcast or video, something with Adam Mosseri, the, I don't know, President of Instagram, or whatever he is. I don't even know, but he basically runs Instagram, and he was talking about how social media has shifted now, and people are really upset, particularly on Instagram, with some of the algorithm changes, but that the majority of interaction on social media these days is in the DMS that most people, when they interact with comments, it is sending it to friends. So if you think about that, we're only really interacting with our closest people in a space that's like a very public forum. So you might send it to your friends and say, like, this is amazing, and the algorithm is favoring that now, but people are mad, like content creators, because it's changing the way their content is being pushed. Like, if their content, you know, they were creating it for like, a quick like that, people are actually having deeper conversations, just not with the general public. They're only having them with their closest friends.

Alex Alexander [Narration]: 44:10

If you are someone who works in social media marketing, the online space, then you just heard what I said about that at a Adam Mosseri comment, and you're like, Alex, I am very concerned, because that change happened a long time ago, and is feels like the right time for me to fess up that, yes, this episode has been in my queue for a while. Sharon, thanks for being so kind and letting me hold this episode for a bit. I know about those changes. This was a long time ago. So now let's talk a little bit more in depth here about this part of the episode we are just listening to as someone who creates content online. And I think this goes for most content creators. I love when other people are sharing my content and creating conversations offline. In fact, that's part of my mission of this whole thing, right? Is I want to create millions of connections through my work. And I can't personally do that like that's all of you going out there, making the connections in your real life, having these conversations, implementing this. I get that. But if we take this back to the room analogy, right? That would mean that I'm in the room and I'm chatting, everybody's standing around listening to me, and then the presentation ends, and everyone walks out of the room without saying a single thing to me. And does that maybe happen in some public speaking scenarios? Sure, yeah, but that's not normally what happens. What normally happens in all my public speaking is that the conversation ends and there are people who want to keep the conversation going, and so I walk out into the crowd. I walk out into the hall, I stand by the door, and people come up and they say hi, and we chat, and I try and bring people in. And sometimes there's kind of this, like circle around me, and there's other people who want to wait for one on one, right? They want the conversation to continue. And the more we are in conversation, the more I know what people actually want to hear about and talk about. So if what is happening virtually right now, I'm just, I'm on my own little soapbox is that everybody wants to go to my presentation, aka listen to this podcast or watch something on social media, and then all they ever do is share it with their friends or talk about it at their next friend hangout or repost something, right? They take it into like the DMS. It's like a catch 22 because on one hand, that is my goal, and I am so happy, but on the other hand, it makes it really hard as a content creator, because basically what you've done is like it's as if we're in a text message thread. Of another analogy, it's like we're in the text message thread and we're having this conversation, and you're nodding, and you're like, yes, yes, yes, and then you never respond to me. You just switch to another group chat and talk about it the entire time. And I have no idea what you actually thought of this episode, so I guess what I'm trying to say here is I love this shift to sharing and more conversations with the people that you're closest to and simultaneously in a world where the expectation is for content creators to continually keep pumping out content, right weekly episodes. Codes constant social media to basically just be the conversation starter over and over and over and over again. It's really hard to do that when the loop is not being closed, when no one's speaking back to me, it's as if I'm in a room trying to keep everyone's attention, just guessing what everybody wants, and that's plenty of you are talking to me. I'm just trying to give this example like I'm not saying what's right or what's wrong, but maybe just something for you to think about with the conversations you are listening to on podcasts or seeing online, you're gonna get way more interesting content, the more you engage, because people will stay in conversation.

Sharon Walters: 48:31

You know, my experience, what's happened? Because I wasn't an Instagram person, but I'm glad I have shifted a little bit my pages over to both Facebook and Instagram, because Facebook for me was really kind of nothing. I wasn't getting much traction at all on my Facebook pages, and once I went to Instagram, it opened up a whole new world for me of more people that were reaching it, and like with the stories and reels, those are also are ways in which that I've been able to connect to a lot more people. You know, I'm just little, not little me, but you know, I'm me. I'm not like, I don't have like, 1000s and millions of reach of things, but again, I just play. I just go, I whatever in my heart and my voice, I'll make just different videos and reels. And I used to never do that, but I'm doing it now, and it feels more comfortable, especially my dog. Okay, dogs are animals are the deal, because I have an adorable little guy, and he gets like, over 1000 views, like, instantly.

Alex Alexander: 49:29

Everybody loves a dog, yeah, yeah.

Sharon Walters: 49:31

So I'm in competition with him, but, you know, I maybe get a couple 100, or maybe, if, you know, maybe 500 possibly. But, you know, it's what you're putting out there. You know, I believe that when you're just doing it naturally, like, you really just have a message, something that for me, it's true to my heart, and I just want to put it out there. It doesn't even matter how many people, but I've noticed that I'm pleased with the numbers that it's reached.

Alex Alexander: 49:54

The word play came out of your mouth, and I love that idea online, because I talk a lot about like, how we can be more playful in our friendships in real life, but And so much of that is like letting our guard down and being our true self, and kind of being silly and showing what we really care about, and not trying to curate who we are so much. And I think that that's also a component of online is not overthinking it and just kind of being, yeah, thinking like, Oh, I really enjoyed that. I'm gonna leave them a message. I'm gonna post that silly thing about my day. I'm gonna send that DM make that reel, like playing with less fear of how it might be perceived, because that might be the thing that actually leads somebody to connect with you.

Alex Alexander [Narration]: 50:53

Man, the number of times that I am talking to someone in my life, and I say some sort of hard truth or some sort of advice, or some sort of whatever, a reminder, and I have to look at them after I've said my piece, and say, Hey, I need you to know that. Apparently I also needed to hear that advice like I'm listening to myself speak and thinking, wow, this is for me too. You are not alone in this, and I will also be working on this. So feel free to also check in on me and keep me accountable and know that I am also struggling with this. That's a lot of times that I say that regularly here on the podcast and offline. So I guess what I'm trying to say is that, man, did I need to hear this conversation about being more playful online, and feel free to check in later on me on that.

Sharon Walters: 51:51

It really brings out for me. It's been great. I mean, it's just really been an amazing tool for me to just get outside myself. It wasn't so comfortable at first, but now it's so much. I mean, I'm feeling a lot more comfortable, and I'm empowered by it.

Alex Alexander: 52:07

I mean, there's just a lot of opportunity. Yeah, it really opens up the people you can connect with, the spaces you can be in accessibility, right? In order to connect with someone that before you maybe would have had to pay for a flight and pay for a conference ticket or an event. Now you can just connect online,

Sharon Walters: 52:30

absolutely, absolutely. And the thing I love about that, and in my way of kind of giving back, because some of these things are really, there's no cost to a lot of the things that they're offering. I mean, they're giving. And my way that I do, if it's something that's been. To me, I share it like, you know, I'm talking about it, I'm sharing it. I make sure that I don't stay quiet with it. I really let people know my experiences with these people and what I've gotten from it. That's a great way to give back to podcasters or people that are creating free topics and content to others

Alex Alexander [Narration]: 53:03

well as somebody who creates free content that's so kind of you.

Sharon Walters: 53:08

Yeah, we need to be giving back if it's something that speaks to you, let others know about it. You know, don't keep it inside, because it's so much better to get it out there if it speaks to you. If it doesn't, that's okay too.

Alex Alexander: 53:21

You know, when I talked earlier about the idea that, like, the internet is so similar to online, and we're not discussing that, and it's using those tools, and like, thinking about how we're interacting, right? Okay, so, for example, you were saying hi to someone you walk down the street that's so similar, right, to leaving a comment on something and saying this really spoke to me. It's pretty low risk. Like some content creator created something, put it out there, they obviously want people to see it. They're gonna appreciate that comment, but we just don't take the time to do it, similar to averting our eyes when we're walking past someone instead of saying hello, it's like being more present and doing the thing you know I say in real life, all of us want the invite. We love to be invited places. We sit around and look at our social media and think like everybody's doing fun things without me. I want them to invite me. And it's like, okay, well, stop waiting, and why don't you make an invite? Everybody loves to be invited. So you make the invite online is so similar. People post things wanting people to watch. It's like, you know, the best way to get interaction going is to be the one to make the first move, like, send the DM, make the comment, connect with the people stop posting and like hoping that people are gonna make the first move. For you decide you're gonna make the first move. Yeah, when you make the first move, how often would you say that people reciprocate or interact or respond back?

Sharon Walters: 55:03

I would say, I mean, 85-90% and it depends on how you're coming across it. They, you know, it shows if you're just really beyond authentic about it, and really there's no agenda, there's just really speaking what's on your heart, what you're feeling, and then you've got a really great chance for them to respond back, or, if not, you just feel good about doing it with artists, musicians. If I hear a song that I like, I reach out and I share the song, and I go to the artist. I do that all the time, even the voice I love, the voice I belong to, the voice on the Facebook. And I, I just talked about a woman that is just amazing, that was on last week, whether it does anything. I in my heart, I feel that way, so I just do it.

Alex Alexander: 55:49

Sharon, I am so on behalf of all content creators out there, thank you for being you, because I'm just over here thinking like so many content creators are so wrapped up, so many musicians, creators of The Voice, anybody, anybody who is creating anything and putting it out in the world, they get so wrapped up in analytics like this is a common conversation, right? It's like detaching yourself from the analytics, from the up and downs, from the follower count, from the like count, because it takes so much to create and put it out there. And for as much as somebody could look at their analytics, just getting a few real people commenting back would probably mean that they care way less about the numbers. But currently, the numbers are what most content creators have like it's that's it, because the conversation quite often stops when you hit publish, at least like back to the Creator. The conversation may be happening out there, but very rarely, I think, does it come back to the Creator? So the fact that you're messaging someone to tell them that their song really spoke to you is like, so touching to my heart. Who does this? Sharon, that's who!

Sharon Walters: 57:10

it's funny because my wife said she goes, you're like this publicist. And I didn't even, I've never even used that word, didn't know, and don't, don't even intend to. So I'm like this authentic, virtual publicist. That's who I am. And I love every moment of it.

Alex Alexander: 57:24

Have you ever heard of the term a sneezer? So somebody told me this once, you know, there's all these things, like you just need to find your first 10 people, your first 100 people, like true fans. When you build a business, whatever. I had a friend tell me once that you want to find your sneezers. So they're the people who care so much about what you're doing. Mean that they sneeze about you on everybody they meet, they tell everybody about it, and like, your sneezers are great, but very rarely do they maybe, like, sneeze back on you. And I'm sorry for anybody that's like, has problems with germs, because you're probably really grossed out by this analogy. But you know, it's very rare, like, we want it to go out, you want it to spread. And then I think for most creators and like, this goes back to those events I had recently, people have been saying to me, like, oh my gosh, congrats. This is so exciting, and it is, don't get me wrong. But the thing that was the most impactful to me, the reason I was most excited about these events was because I spend so much time with a microphone and myself that it's really powerful for me to get to be in a room with real people who have just heard me speak and are coming up to ask me questions or continue The conversation or tell me how it impacted them. It's just so rare that I get and I'm not even I'm lucky a lot of people message me. So I don't want to say it's rare, because I really do get it, but I don't know, when you look at how many people are listening versus how many messages you get back, it's just so few in comparison that like being in a room with people and then seeing their reaction is something I don't get very often.

Sharon Walters: 59:11

Yeah, no, I hear that. And one thing I want to share, too, when it came to me before we were going to do this talk, this conversation, that I realized get this so I realized that I need to get outside of just the virtual social media world, because I've been staying there a lot, and I just recently, really, I mean, this just came to me a day or two ago. I'm like, wow, I really need to get out with people and really experience that again. So what you're saying, I get that. I mean, there can be a time when I was comfortable, but I'm really putting an intention around that to make sure I get out to more.

Alex Alexander: 59:49

I think it's the power of both. But the great thing is that you're using the tool that gives you access to so many people, and now you can pick how you use that in person, whether it's like local groups, local people that you're following, or maybe you're so impacted by somebody that it's worth buying a plane ticket to an event they're at and putting yourself in that space. But then how fun is it that when you're there, if you've already been maybe like connecting with them, to be able to walk up after their talk and say, Hey, my name is Sharon. We've been messaging like, I love that. As a creator, that's so fun to get to know how this is impacting people out in the world, and then get to meet someone and like, you're a real you're a real person.

Sharon Walters: 1:00:42

Yeah, I just got to do that with a woman that her name is Sherry salata, and she actually was Oprah's Executive Director for a time, and she had a course online, free, and I took it. And so she just came to Denver. We've been connected, like, two years. And she came to Denver, where I'm living, about five months ago, and I got to meet her in person, and I got to go up to her, and, like you said, and so, yeah, it was really cool to be able to do that again. These people, these names, and I, I don't care who they are, I don't even know. It doesn't matter what circles they've been in, but if they speak to me, and it allows me to just know that I just keep them as people, you know, I don't have them on any kind of different levels. And that's kind of cool too, and they appreciate that too, I believe,

Alex Alexander: 1:01:28

oh yeah. Like, they're real people. A woman I used to work with people in our industry would maybe fan girl a little bit about meeting her and her phrase would be like, I woke up this morning and put my pants on the same way you did. I'm a real person too. You know, I have good days. I have bad days. I put my pants on and button them up just like you did, and I really try and remember that, because I think you're right. There's like, some sense of when you've been watching someone's social media and what they're putting out there for so long. Yeah, yeah, Sharon, we could talk about this all day, and I love that for us. But if there was one final thing that you could share with people who are listening, in case you forgot that this is going to go out into the world, what would you share with them?

Sharon Walters: 1:02:19

I think my takeaway from this today, and I want to share this with everyone, is just when you do hear a podcast, and if you like it, really acknowledge the podcaster and share it with others. And if you're one that has a voice and you have something really cool to share, reach out to podcasters and be a guest. It's very powerful, and it's really there for us to take advantage of. And then the third one is. Is, if you've never done it, start to notice people on on social media, and take a chance in reaching out to them. If they're if they really speak to you. The only way you can move further with that is, is us taking the first step. Just like if you want to win the lottery, you've got to buy ticket. So if you want to meet somebody, you gotta, you got to DM them, reach out to them.

Alex Alexander: 1:03:06

Make the move. I love that. Sharon, thank you so much for being here today. I am really excited for people to hear this conversation. I think it's going to make people really think about maybe the number of hours they're spending on open that time spent part of your phone to see how many hours you're spending, and like how interactive you're actually being, because there's so much opportunity for connection, there really is.

Sharon Walters: 1:03:29

And thank you, Alex, for all that you do and with your podcast, and I'm going to be sharing this.

Alex Alexander: 1:03:35

Ohhhh... Thank you.

Alex Alexander [Narration]: 1:03:36

Hopefully Today's episode is simultaneously thought provoking and not too overwhelming, like the stakes, I don't think are that high here compared to some of the other episodes I've recorded, but I do think that this is an area that for a lot of people, just small changes could actually have a really big impact for you and For me, we're all doing this. You know, when you look at the number of hours that you are either listening to podcasts or scrolling social media, I'm not saying that you need to be active and engaged, like 100% of the time. I'm not even saying 75 or 50% of the time. I'm saying if, like, five minutes a day you are actually active in those conversations that would probably make an impact. You probably make at least one new connection with somebody that you feel aligned with, or who shares a unique passion that you have, or who cares about a cause that you want to feel like you're not alone in being passionate about right? Especially in today's world, it's a little thing. We're already spending so much time here that just making a little shift could make a big impact. As always, I would love to hear what you thought about this episode. So if you feel so inspired, reach out to me however feels right to you, and with that, I'll see you next week.

Alex Alexander: 1:05:16

Thank you for listening to this episode of Friendship IRL. I am so honored to have these conversations with you. But don't let the chat die here. Send me a voice message. I created a special website just to chat with you. You can find it at alexalex.chat. You can also find me on Instagram. My handle, @itsalexalexander. Or go ahead and leave a review wherever you prefer to listen to podcasts. Now if you want to take this conversation a step further, send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting. And use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out. No need for a teary goodbye. I'll be back with a new episode next week.