Making Friends Online with Minded Society Co-Founders Marcela and Claudia

In the past few episodes, I’ve talked about keeping in touch with friends through the digital space. This episode goes a step further: how do you MAKE friends online?

Today’s guests are Claudia and Marcela, the mother-daughter duo behind the Minded Society, which offers a supportive virtual environment for women in their 30s, 40s, and 50s, with monthly events, book clubs, and personalized connections, helping members find authentic friendships across distances. 

We dive into everything, from maintaining friendships across time zones to being intentional about using the digital world to form deep connections. If this sounds like something you’d enjoy, Minded Society is offering our listeners 50 percent off your first month, plus a free 14-day trial; use the code Friendship IRL on their website.

Technology isn't a barrier to deep friendship; if you use it right, it can be a bridge that leads you to the kind of people who make you feel less alone in the world.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• The inception of Minded Society during the COVID-19 pandemic, driven by shared feelings of loneliness
• What Minded Society is: a community that helps women form authentic friendships despite living in different parts of the world
• The importance of effort in maintaining online friendships, regardless of proximity or technology, and how to channel that effort (voice notes, phone calls, FaceTime, etc.)
• Generational differences in communication preferences and balancing effort and respect for others' boundaries

Resources & Links

Listen to Episode 127 about calling your friends and Episode 24 about using the Marco Polo app. In this episode I also mention my Roots framework.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? hits shelves June 16. Get on the waitlist for pre-order bonuses + a first look.

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today. 

Transcript

Podcast Intro/Outro: 0:02

All right, gang. Here's to nights that turn into mornings and friends that turn into family. Cheers. Hello, hello, and welcome to the Friendship IRL podcast. I'm your host, Alex Alexander. Each week we talk about what is working(and what is not) in our friendships, community and connections. Have you ever wished you could sit down and have a conversation about what is really going on in your friendships? Well, you found your people. Join us as we dive into real life stories and explore new ways to approach these connections. Together, we're reimagining the rules of friendship

Alex Alexander: 0:52

You know, what's fascinating about friendship in today's world, we are more connected than ever. Yet, so many people feel disconnected. I hear it from listeners constantly. Alex, I want to make friends, but where do I even start? And it kind of blows my mind, because if you think, if you think about it, these same people have probably had dozens, hundreds, 1000s of points of connection that day. They've watched videos of people walking to their car, laying in their Hi Claudia. Hi Marcela. We are all hanging out from all over bed. They've read messages and conversations and back-and-forth. But the thing is, like in that technology space, where you are, it can feel really overwhelming, like the connection is there, the technology is there. But how do we use it intentionally as a tool to build meaningful connections. Well, today we're going to give you some ideas. I'm sitting down with Claudia and Marcela, the mother daughter duo behind the Minded Society, a community where women in their 30s to 50s are forming real, authentic friendships, all starting in the digital world. We're diving into everything from how online connections can become deep friendships to creative ways to maintain relationships across time zones. If you listened to last week's episode, I really tried to reframe this whole idea of whether online friends are real friends, and so we're going to continue that today. You're going to hear a lot of that same conversation. New examples, but if you're wondering, like, okay, Alex, I'm down to make online friends, but how that's what this episode is going to help you with. It's going to take all that noise in the online space and it's going to give you an idea for how to be intentional and use the digital world to form the connections you want. Now, if you get to the end of this episode and you're thinking, I need this in my life, the Minded Society is offering our friendship IRL listeners, 50% off your first month plus a Free 14-day trial. Just use the code FRIENDSHIPIRL at mindedsociety.com/memberships, so with that, grab your coffee, silence your phones, and let's dive into this conversation about reimagining friendship in the digital age. the world today.

Claudia: 3:42

Yes, so exciting.

Alex Alexander: 3:45

Where's everybody at?

Claudia: 3:47

I'm in Chicago.

Marcela: 3:48

I'm in Spain, in the Canary Islands, far away, in the middle of the ocean.

Alex Alexander: 3:55

Marcela - That sounds like where I want to be today. Oh, actually, I should have come to you for a live recording Note to self next time.

Marcela: 4:04

Yeah, that would be a good idea.

Alex Alexander: 4:07

That'd be nice. And Claudia, you're in Chicago.

Claudia: 4:09

I'm in Chicago for the week. My husband has a trade show here all next week, and because I get to work remotely, I tagged along, and I'm enjoying the city. It's beautiful here. The weather is amazing today. It's like perfect spring day.

Alex Alexander: 4:23

Well, it's sunny here in Seattle too, so it sounds like we're all enjoying nice weather. We can feel like we're together, yes, even though we're very much not. So let's address another dynamic before we get into the episode, because something really fun about this episode. First time this has ever happened to me. You two are related, and you started your business together. Can you tell me a little bit about Minded Society and why you decided to do this together?

Claudia: 4:54

Yeah, absolutely so. My mom and I, we started this back in 2022 we were just coming out of the throes of Covid pandemic world, and we both felt lonely. We were in different phases of life. She had just gone through a divorce. She moved to Spain, was living alone with family, but not a lot of friends around her, and I had been working from home for so long, I was like, Oh my gosh. Like, this is not it for me. I need a community. I need friends. We talked about it. We were both in the same position, even though we were living, you know, different lives and in different phases of our life. So we figured, there's probably a lot of women out there who are in their 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s, who are experiencing the same struggles that we are. So we decided to start Minded Society, which is a friendship club for women over 30. It's a virtual club, because obviously her and I are virtual in our lives right now. This is how we connect with each other. And we wanted women to be able to connect from all over the country, all over the world. So we created a little space, a community for women to come together when connect with others who are like-minded, like-hearted, similar in the things they enjoy. They are willing to grow… and, you know, be empowered with their friends and with other people and just find their tribe. That's really our goal, to help them and find their tribe. And the fact that we can do it together as a mother daughter team is so much fun.

Alex Alexander: 6:30

I mean, what a beautiful connection point for the two of you. It's amazing work on building this together. And you know I was saying as you were talking, so often people ask me, like, are friends I meet online? Like people I've never met in person? Are they real friends? And I always give this one answer that I'm not even going to give right now, because as you were talking, I was thinking to myself, like, What a silly question, because you two maintain your relationship from across the world, and nobody would come to you and be like, Well, I don't know. Do you have a real mother daughter relationship? Like, What a silly question, in all honesty, like, we're all out here in the world maintaining relationships using technology as a tool. Why don't we talk just like a little bit more about how we're all doing that? Because you have to be masters if you're staying connected from across the world,

Marcela: 7:35

I would say that the main point there is effort, because you can say that you have many, many online friends, but if you don't connect with them, like frequently, I don't say every day, But you know with certain you are not going to create the connection. So around your question, are you really friends from people that you are connecting online? It depends. It depends on you. It depends on the other person. What I've learned in all these years that I've been far away is that we used to think that to become friends, you need the proximity is something important. Even if you are close, if you don't put effort in your relationship, that friendship is not going to flourish. So it's the same thing. It's the same thing. It doesn't matter if you're close, if you're far away, if you are online, if you are in real person, it doesn't matter.

Claudia: 8:48

Yeah, I agree. And I think the world today, you know, it's very common for people to leave their hometowns. It's common for you to go to college or university, somewhere where you didn't grow up. So you make all these friends there, and then from there, you move to a new city, a new state, to work, and you're making communities in all different places and different phases of life. We grew up, or I grew up, moving around a lot. We lived in a lot of different countries and cities, and so every time, I was always the new girl, and back then, we didn't have the digital spaces to be able to connect with each other. So it was like once I left a city, that was it. I was young, so maybe we would call a friend every now and then. But those connections we weren't able to maintain for as long of a period of time as we can now, because we are so digitally connected. And it goes back to what my mom said that you you just have to be willing to put in the effort, and if that effort is there on both sides, then absolutely my best, best, best friends — the majority of them — don't live anywhere near me, but because we have the ability to connect digitally and FaceTime and I, you know, send each other voice notes and see what we're up to online. It feels like we're close. You know, it does feel like our friendship can continue to flourish to the point where, you know, you see each other in person, and it's like no time has passed.

Alex Alexander: 10:14

Well, I was going to ask like, Are there any favorite digital connection methods that you lean towards either of you,

Claudia: 10:24

I'm a voice noter. I will send you a 5-10 minute voice note. It'll be a podcast episode, but you know, you're gonna get to hear me and how I'm really feeling, versus me typing out this long paragraph, or you can interpret it differently than how I, you know, mean to say it. So I'm a big fan of voice notes. My mom and I talk on the phone almost every day. And then FaceTime is also great, especially, like a lot of my friends are now having babies and kids, and, you know, I'm like, I want to meet them, even though I'm not there. So let's FaceTime. And you know, you still feel like you're there and you're part of the conversation.

Alex Alexander: 11:08

Yep, yeah. Same for you. Marcela. Or do you have any other like, secret tricks?

Marcela: 11:13

Same thing. It's so simple. It's, yeah, yeah. You don't need to complicate. People make so many excuses you know, to don't go there and send a message or send a voice note or whatever. This is pure excuses. Trust me,

Alex Alexander [Narration]: 11:35

Clearly talking on the phone with your friends is taking up a lot of my brain space lately, because I just released Episode 127 about calling your friends like literally a couple episodes ago. So I guess the universe really wants me to talk about this, and if you are loving this conversation about using technology to maintain your friendships. I also want to remind you that way back in the archives, in Episode 24 with Brenda Blockinski, we talk about her incredible story of how the app Marco Polo created this epic friend group for her. Now I have both episodes linked in the show notes, and between this episode that you're hearing today and those two, if you feel like maintaining friendships from afar is a struggle for you lately, those three episodes are going to give you so many ideas of things to try to reinvigorate those connections.

Alex Alexander: 12:44

What I love about this one, simple, simple and like I've featured platforms on here that are meant to help you and things like that, but sometimes it's just going back to the basics. And the second thing when I listen to you both talk is I feel like every Okay, maybe not. I feel like everyone, but I feel like there's a lot of solutions out there. Seems like a fair thing to say for people to send a message but not bother someone, right? So like they can wait days or weeks or a month to respond, and it's just waiting for them when they're ready. And when I was listening to you talk, it's like, no, we're having like, an ongoing back-and forth of some kind, whether it's texts. I also love voice notes. I mean FaceTime phone calls, I will say I some people are gonna hate this, and it's not for everyone, but I am here to say, like, bring back the random phone call.

Claudia: 13:49

Oh, I love

Alex Alexander: 13:50

when someone calls me unprompted, I will answer. And people are always so shocked. Yeah, I feel like it's like, sad that people are shocked. They're like, Oh my gosh, you actually answered. I'm like, Well, yeah, I'm excited you're calling. Like, what are you doing? I'm walking in to the grocery store, but I'll talk to you while I walk through the grocery store until I get to the checkout, and then I might have to hang up with you because I think it's rude, but I'll call you right back. Like, 90 seconds later, I love a random phone call

Marcela: 14:21

Me too. Me too.

Claudia: 14:22

I love it.

Marcela: 14:24

I think we have lost that capacity, you know, of communication, because we've been hiding behind the text for so many years. And with a text, you receive a text if you don't want to the other person to know, if you already read it, you have ways to hide that. It's like you are hiding behind everything, and you have become so in your own bubble, like you lost connection. So it's time to. Wake up people, please. Yeah, yeah. We need a connection.

Claudia: 15:05

I love a phone call. I have. I have a couple of friends who will text me right before they'll be like, I have to call you in five minutes. You know, are you free? Great, yes, please call me. But you don't even have to do that. You can just call me. If I can't answer, I'll call you back, but you can just call and I that's the only way that we used to communicate. It's not crazy. It's crazy that now that's like the last resort, and it's nuts. I but I love it. I love like, being out on a walk and calling a friend and catching up. It's good for your mind. It's good for your soul. It's good for the other person to know that you're thinking about them too, to, you know, not feel like they're so alone, or that maybe they'll feel like they always have to make the effort. No, it's a two way street.

Alex Alexander: 15:53

I love phone calls. Okay, so since we're here, I'm gonna ask a question, which is, I think about this a lot, right? I talk about this stuff. And I have said on the podcast like I am not some shining, perfect example. So this is something I've been working on. Do you feel like there are some people you can just randomly call and others you can't? Because I feel like I have gotten so far out of the practice of just randomly calling people. I love a random call. I will answer it from anybody, but I'm so far out of practice that there is a small few and I keep having to like when I wanna call somebody who's not on that list randomly, I have to almost talk myself through and be like, this is the silliest rule. Like, box you have put, like, just call them. Just call them. Yeah. Do you have a small list?

Claudia: 16:52

I have a small list. Yeah, you have a big list. You I feel like, because it's a different generation. She's like, constantly on the phone with her friends, which is amazing. I have a smaller list of girlfriends who I know I can call and they will pick up. But I think that's it's normal to have, like, different levels of friendship with different people. Not everybody is going to be your best friend that you can call at any moment's notice and they'll pick up and be there for you. That's not everyone's function, but I do think I have a much smaller group than my mom. I think it's a generational thing, for sure,

Marcela: 17:28

but I think that you learn when to call certain people, even if they are not in your small list, like there are times where you don't call certain people you know, you you find your way to call everybody if you want, if you want,

Alex Alexander: 17:45

and that's what I'm trying to break through Marcela. Because I think sometimes, if I think back to my childhood, right? I'm not calling everybody all the time, although I want to get there, be warned friends who are listening to this. But you know, I remember, I am old enough that I remember when we had to, well, when there was no text messaging, number one and number two, when every text message cost like, 10 cents or something, you know, and we had, we had to however many minutes a month, and so I didn't want to waste that text message for 10 cents, so I would have to call my friend and be like, hey, quick question, ask the one question and hang up. Now, sometimes I will have a quick question for a friend, maybe a close friend, and it's something where I actually do need, like, an answer, and I will send four text messages. I will text their husband, I will whatever, before I pick up the phone. And that's the moment where I just have to be like, how have we gotten here, Alex? And I'm not the only one. There's no way. I think there's so many of us that do this, but I'm sure, Marcela, you would just pick up the phone.

Marcela: 19:07

I would call Yeah, and if my friend didn't answer, oh, my God, I will send her a text. What do you think that you are not answering my call? It this is an emergency, please pick up.

Claudia: 19:24

Like, yeah, we need to. It's the opposite. It's call first and then text, yeah.

Alex Alexander: 19:30

I mean, no to us all. Like, it's just kind of silly. You know, there's some feeling, I think, in today's day and age, that if I call you, it has to be some big catch up conversation, and I think that's what I'm trying to break down in my mind. And in when I call friends, it's like it might just be 90 seconds because I need an answer, or it might be five minutes because that's all the time we have or but if we did that more regularly, we wouldn't go months in. Months and months without those connections. Like, yeah, we might text, but it's not the same. Yeah.

Alex Alexander [Narration]: 20:09

I gotta pop in here for just a second, because listening back to this conversation about phone calls is making me think about something else. If you've heard me talk about my Roots of Friendship framework before I talk a lot about interests and experiences. Right? Shared interests, shared experiences. It's one of the types of roots and the ways that we are comfortable connecting with our friends. And I never say this in my roots framework, like I've always said, that's kind of a working framework, and so I maybe should consider how this plays into it, but maybe the how, right, phone calls, text messages, facetimes, in person at my house, out in public, maybe the how is just as important as the what I'll have to think about how I work that in but while I'm in the process of doing that, like, let me just break this down where my brain is right now, like, we think about it, texting is often so comfortable for everyone. Often, I didn't say always, often, and it's kind of like normalized that it's kind of this entry level connection if there's an acquaintance, if you need to reach out to someone, texting them feels way less intense than maybe calling them on up on the phone, similar to suggesting you go to a coffee shop or a restaurant or a public park when you're inviting someone to hang out, compared to your home, certain things tend this is not an absolute. They tend to feel less vulnerable, right? Like a phone call might feel vulnerable. What if they don't answer? What if you catch them at a bad time. What if you have to navigate that whole like, oh, sorry, I'm in the middle of some I've only got five minutes with somebody that's like, brand new to your life, that might feel a little awkward. Now, if this is a friendship where you actually kind of want to feel closer, you usually text, or you usually go out to the restaurant, then I want you to think of maybe how you're connecting and some new ways switch it up, build a new way to connect right more intimacy, more points of connection, more roots. Like, if you want to be able to call each other more, then consider that a new way to strengthen your connection overall. Give it a try. Like, just like anything else in your friendship, it's not comfortable until you do it, and the only way for it to be comfortable is to start doing it, keep doing it, and eventually feel like it's just normal. I hope that some of you consider the ways, like the actual weight, you know, is it? Is it a one on one hangout versus a group hangout, a phone call versus a text message in my home, versus out at a restaurant, driving each other somewhere. That's another very simple one. How can you open up some new "Hows" like, how you're connecting in your friendship,

Marcela: 23:43

I have a question for you. Yeah, I know you're the host.

Alex Alexander: 23:47

No way, yeah.

Marcela: 23:50

But I was thinking, Do you think we got there because we don't want to be bothered, and we do the same for the other person.

Alex Alexander: 24:05

So I think that some people, it is that way, like, That person doesn't want to be bothered. I don't think I got there. I think I'm the opposite. I want to be bothered all the time. Like, I mean, not really, right? I gotta get work done. But, like I said, I love when somebody calls. I have, like, again, not everyone wants this, but my house is kind of an open door policy house, like you could show up. I don't need you to text and ask if I'm free. I don't need you to exactly text that you're outside. I don't need, like, just come in, yeah, and I love that, but I think I am so hyper aware that other people don't love that, so I'm very, very cautious of not disrupting other people's bubbles. BUT.... But with that being said, Then we come to the question of, like, did I just make that up? I don't, because I don't think they've told me they don't want it. Maybe they don't want it to the level I do. But I actually think if I really sat down with some of my friends, they'd be like, No, I love to chat with you more, but we're all just like, too scared. I think, yeah, yeah. And maybe it's too scared to just voice whatever our opinion is.

Claudia: 25:27

I agree. And I think there is a small I don't know if they're small, I honestly don't, but I think there's a group of people who are very loud online about how they don't want to be bothered. And that's what we see, and that's what we hear, and we think, Oh my God, my friends probably don't want me to call them, or they don't want me to show up at their door, or they don't want me to do this and that. But that voice doesn't represent all of us. You know, there are so many of us who grew up the way that we all grew up, or we had to call people we after school, we went over to our friends houses every single day. In college, it was an open door policy. Everybody coming in and out of your dorm room or your apartment, and then somehow it just keeps getting more and more disconnected the older you get, because, you know, our lives get more complicated. We have work, or we may, you know, maybe have a spouse, or you start having kids, and life just gets complicated and you're stuck in your routine, but then you realize, like, how happy you were back then, when you were able to just very freely connect with your friends whenever you wanted. And I think it's an art that has been lost that we have to work to get back.

Marcela: 26:39

We need to relearn, yeah, yeah,

Claudia: 26:41

We need to relearn to be good friends, to be the friends that we used to be in a new capacity as an adult.

Alex Alexander: 26:47

Yeah? You know, it's funny when I talk to people, and also I think like the content you see online is very nostalgic, yeah, for those younger friendships, but then we have the very loud messaging, as you mentioned, of, I'm busy. I'm past capacity. I don't have time for you. My favorite plan is a canceled plan. And so you hear all that, and then, right, it's probably only natural for me to think, Oh, well, like that friend of mine who's working full time as a mom of two kids, like, that's probably her, but I've never asked her, and I probably should, I've just assumed that That's what she wants. But the interesting thing is, like, I think there can be boundaries and there can be limits, obviously, like, of course, but in order to have that feeling a little more like nostalgic friendship, where we were together and more connected and popping in and out like, you have to sacrifice a little bit of that, like, rigid boundary of I'm so busy, this is my exact schedule. Like, sometimes you might have to sacrifice five minutes before you go in to do the thing, to just answer the phone and say hi and be like, Man, it's a crazy day, exactly, and I can't believe I have to do X, Y and Z. I only have two more minutes. How are you okay? I love you. Bye,

Marcela: 28:23

exactly.

Claudia: 28:24

Yeah, even that, yeah.

Marcela: 28:26

But if you think about it, what is a good friend? A friend is a person that you can count on every moment, if something happened to you, you know that person is there for you, same backwards, right? So if something is happening to you and you don't have the freedom to call that person because always, maybe she's busy, maybe she's tired, maybe she's whatever, because there's always something that's not your friend, that's not friendship. Friendship is all the way, sadly, people, we need to make that connection all the way. Otherwise, it's not going to grow. It's like the friends that stay, you know with you through your life are the people that you can call them, like crying like a baby because something happened to you or laughing because something happened to you in the stream, in that moment, and you need to share with her. That's friendship. That's friendship. The other things are connections, but not friendships,

Alex Alexander: 29:45

I will say, cause my point in this podcast is always to try and encourage people to do the work, to try and keep the friendship. That just one caveat to people. I agree with you, but I just wanna caveat to the people, because the messaging out there is strong, and so people are gonna hear that and they're gonna say, like, I. Oh, well, my friend has really strict boundaries. So they're not my friend. And my question to those people is number one, have you talked to them about it like, are you making those assumptions, or have they actually set the boundaries? Because some people are too scared to have that conversation, they just assume that their friend has the boundaries and doesn't want to, but really, that person could be dying too and also making assumptions. So just my caveat to people, yeah,

Marcela: 30:31

you're right,

Claudia: 30:32

you're right. I agree. No,

Alex Alexander: 30:36

No, no, Marcela, don't apologize, because I agree with you. If somebody is setting all these boundaries over and over and over again, of like, just don't call me. Don't this. I can't be there for you like you do have to start questioning you're not a friend.

Marcela: 30:50

The other thing is, if you have, like, you make a plan with a friend and you are, like, crossing your fingers for that event to get canceled, you need to really ask yourself if that is the friend that you want to put your effort in, because maybe she's not the one, and you just need to go to another person I don't Know you know, because if you feel like you don't want to see someone that is a person that you are going to, I don't know how to say this, but you are going to gain life when you are with that person you know, sharing moments, Laughing, our life has become so serious we need time just to sit there and laugh about silly things. Yeah, you know. And if you have a plan and you are crossing your fingers for that plan to be counsel, please think about that, because maybe she's not the one is not a bad person, but we don't have time for everybody. So be conscious about your your friends.

Claudia: 32:09

Be mindful of who you pick to be in your circle.

Alex Alexander: 32:12

And I think that is a beautiful lead in to I don't want to like end this episode without talking about the community you've built. So like, for anybody who is out there who might be in this exact situation, they have friends, they have these people that they don't feel aligned with anymore. They keep canceling plans on you. You don't feel like you can depend on them. Whatever that is, my advice people is always you could really, really focus on that friendship, or you could redirect your energy towards adding what you want and what you need. And because we have established on here that you know online friends are real friends, let's talk about using a virtual community to make new connections in your life. Can you talk a little bit just about what you find with people looking for new friends that that join your community?

Claudia: 33:13

Yeah. I mean, a lot of the women that join Minded Society, they are in a phase of life where it's been hard for them to find people to connect with. It's maybe they move to a new city and they don't know where to start, or they are in a new phase of life and the friends that they were friends with just don't align with that person anymore. We've had several members who you know, have progressed a lot in their self growth, and the women that they had around them didn't match the energy level that they wanted to reach. And so, like you said, you know, they decided these aren't my people anymore, and I need to find people who align with me. That's a lot of what we see in just women who are struggling, they don't know where to begin. They're very willing, they're open and like ready to accept friendship, but they don't know where to go to connect with other women who are in the same boat as them. Because a lot of times, maybe you'll go to a coffee shop and like you'll see someone that you might want to talk to, but you're afraid to get the conversation going. Or you say to yourself, oh, she probably already has a bunch of friends. I don't need to bother her. Or you approach them and they don't really reciprocate, and then you're like, This sucks. You know, how do I actually make friends? So that's the beauty of joining a community like ours, where everybody's there to do that exact thing, to make friends. Everybody's open to it. And the best part is, you know, I just talked about this today on our Instagram, there's a difference between wanting a village and being a villager, and like putting in the effort to be the person who makes plans, who reaches out to their friends. Who picks up the phone and calls them, who is willing to plan a date, a little girl's date, and show up and not cancel at the last minute. And we make a lot of that easier for you, because there's a lot of hand holding on our end. My mom and I, we plan monthly events. We have three different zooms every single month, we do a zoom with a special guest. We have a medium coming on in a couple weeks. We have a celebrity stylist coming on after that, they come and teach us things, or they do fun, you know, activities for us to be able to connect with each other and learn and progress as individuals as well and grow ourselves. And then we have a book club, so if you love to read, we have monthly zooms where we talk about different books, that each of our member gets to pick a book every month, and we read it, we talk about it. And then we have some sort of, like an arts and crafts chit chat self care night once a month where we just come on and check in with each other. So we're giving you a lot of opportunities for you to step in, check in, be part of a conversation and not be the one who starts it. If that is scary for you, if that overwhelms you, we do the starting for you. You just have to show up and be willing to participate. And we have a platform where everybody connects every single day, my mom posts these beautiful morning messages every morning with, you know, a prompt of something that we want to talk about, something that's going on in our lives, and we all open up and we share what's going on. And people are there for each other. They show up. They you know, if you're going through a hard time, they will message you like the girls are there. They are strong. They'll be there for you. They'll support you. If you're celebrating a win, we all throw a party for you. You're not alone. You feel like you're really not alone in this world. And that's that is the whole goal that we have been wanting to reach this whole time, is helping women feel less alone and feel like they have found their tribe. And the more we grow, the more we're going to be able to have in person events. We have small chapters in different cities of you know, women who get together in person, we'll do brunches or girls nights. I'm meeting up with the Chicago Mindies tonight, and Sunday, we're doing a brunch. So I'm really excited. It's it's cool, because for my mom and I, it's extremely cool. And really, anybody who has been in the community for long enough, I don't know that there's a lot of people who can say, I can go to Florida and meet up with so so and so and so I can go to Chicago, and I have these beautiful women there who I can go to brunch with. I can go to LA and there's people there. Can go to New York. There's Minded Society members there. So knowing that you're not alone in this world is just so key, and having the platform to connect with on a daily and monthly basis helps those friendships form to the point to where, when we do meet in person, it's like we've known each other for centuries. Literally.

Alex Alexander: 38:09

I mean, what I love about what you're doing with the Minded Society is, I mean, you're solving two huge problems for people. Number one, the anxiety of not knowing somebody's I guess, like intentions or interest level in new friends, right? A lot of people struggle with that. They go to talk to someone at the coffee shop, they feel like they had a really great conversation. They maybe exchange numbers, and then you reach out because, or maybe I reach out, I reach out to you because I have the intention of making friends, but maybe that's currently not an intention in your life. And then people feel like it's like a personal problem for them, when, in fact, that just maybe wasn't where somebody's energy is right now. And then, you know, if that happens, enough people stop trying, so you're solving that problem because everybody who's showing up is there for the same reason, to make new connections, find community. And then the second piece is just the consistency piece. You are creating structures for people, and especially when you're making new friends, that can be really hard to prioritize. You know, connecting once a week, because, like, you're not really that close yet. Like, maybe you see a lot of intention if you're out in the real world with someone, but you know, it's vulnerable to ask, like, hey, I really liked hanging out with you. Do you want to get together every week with someone you've just met? And you're you are solving both of those problems for people and creating this space for them to, like, naturally transition into whatever kind of friendship they want, whether that's some. Thing that kind of stays virtual or is an in person. It's so cool too, that people are meeting up in person and that you're meeting up with people in person. It just shows like the the journey that somebody could choose to go on.

Claudia: 40:15

It is a journey, and you can be as involved as you want to be. You know, we don't force anything upon anyone. It's We're just there. So we give you the tools and the platform for you to be able to make these connections and do the hand holding for you, so you don't feel like you're doing this alone. You know, you've got a whole community of women within your age range who are would drop anything at any moment's notice to be there for you, if you're going through a hard time, if you're celebrating something, if your life is upside down, if you just want to share a funny meme and you want everybody to laugh, literally everybody will laugh with You. It's amazing. It's so cool to see the power that female friendship has on everyone's lives. And we've heard from our members, you know, they feel like their life has changed knowing that they have a community of women behind them, because now you don't have to go through the hard things alone, and you have this support system that you wouldn't have otherwise had because you can't always rely on the people that you've always known.

Alex Alexander: 41:25

Yeah, you know, yeah, things change. And I'm sure Marcela is in there giving wisdom and encouragement, because all I can think about is the only way this is going to grow for people is the amount of effort they put in. So is it apparent? I guess, when some people put in more effort versus others and like, what they get out of that?

Marcela: 41:49

Well, yeah, you have no idea. We have had people that register in the community, never participate, never say hi, not even when we welcome them, because every time a new member enters, we Everybody say, welcome. Where are you from? Whatever you know there are people that don't even say a word, and we already know from the beginning that person is going to get out of the community sooner or later. So the effort is the most important part. I know it's hard because you are not used to that, but it's putting a little by little like at the beginning, maybe you participate a little bit less, but then you start making the connections. You connect more with certain people, and we actually do bestie pairings, so people get someone every month to get to know each other better, but the more effort you put, the most beautiful, the connection and the experience is in the community. So yeah, effort is the number one.

Alex Alexander [Narration]: 43:14

This buddy pairing system is brilliant, and it highlights something really important about group connection that I just want to point out here. Here's the thing about joining any group, whether it is a virtual community like the Minded Society, or an in person networking group or a friend group, when you are joining a group, that group isn't just one big entity, it is actually a web of individual relationships, plus your connection to the group's overall mission and values. And yes, even your friend groups have those. That's a whole nother episode. So I want you to think about it like this, in any group at all, even a small friend group, but especially a group like the Minded Society, you are going to have a web of people where each of those individual connections between any two people, there are different levels of connections, and you yourself, as you become more ingrained in that group, will have different levels of connections with different people. Some of the people will be acquaintances, others will be familiar friends. Some might become defined friends, and a few might even become present friends that you connect with regularly outside of the group. So if you want to feel more connected in a group, focus on building those individual connections. First find one or two people that you naturally feel drawn to and actively seek them out. Make sure you say hi to them in every. Group function, and in an in person event that would look like, you know, like walking up to them saying hi, or making sure you wave. In a virtual setting, that might mean, you know, sending, like, a private message to them while you're there, saying, like, hey, so excited that you're at this meeting too. You could also take it outside the meeting. Maybe you message them after the meeting, or you suggest a quick coffee chat before the next group zoom. So what Minded Society is doing with these bestie pairings is creating a structure for this, like I'm telling you up until now how to do this on your own, but there are groups like the Minded Society that are setting this up for you if you are nervous, but if you're in another group that doesn't offer this, then you might need to do what I was mentioning before and create these opportunities for yourself. And yes, it might feel vulnerable to reach out, but having at least one comfortable, familiar face that you are excited to see in a group can make such a difference. So it is worth it to seek out that one connection, because here's the secret, when you have those individual connections, it actually becomes easier to be vulnerable in the large group, like at the end of the day, you know you have one person in your corner. So I would love it if more groups did what the Minded Society is doing here. But if you are part of a group that does not naturally have that structure, it's worth it to do it for yourself.

Claudia: 46:36

Yeah, we see it. We see the girls who participate all the time. They are getting the most out of the club. You know, it doesn't mean they have to show up to every zoom, or you have to answer every single message, or you have to be part of every conversation, no, but the ones who are consistently showing up and willing to be vulnerable with others, willing to share where they're at in life, and, you know, willing to support other people who are going through things. Those are the ones who make really, really deep connections to the point to where, like, like I said before we had our first retreat last October, and when all the girls got to the house, it was like, Oh my God, we've known each other for so long, and not even just my mom and I took a step back and we let them all connect and introduce themselves? Not really, because we already all knew each other, and it was so beautiful to see like the girls just hugging each other, like they've known each other for so long, and oh my god, it's so nice to finally meet you in person. That's the level of friendship that we're creating here, and that's what you know, the more you participate, that's what you end up getting out of this. It's lifelong friends.

Alex Alexander: 47:47

I mean, I often say that when you think of virtual community, it's so similar to in person community, but we don't like think about it, right? So what you've done is kind of thrown a party. Everybody's in this room they're in, like the events and the chat and the this and the that, and some people are going to naturally take a little while to warm up. Some people are going to dive right in. Some people are going to walk in feel, you know, go to the bar or the food. They're going to walk to the bathroom. They're going to do anything they can to not have the discomfort of talking to someone, and they're gonna maybe say hello to the host, maybe not. And then they're gonna leave, and it's all about how you put yourself out there, right? And then the more times you show up, like you're gonna naturally gravitate towards certain people and connections and like, it's not the same thing, but it's a lot of similar dynamics. So it's the people who actually can walk in and, like, say hello and just give it a try, even if you're nervous,

Claudia: 48:53

exactly even if you're nervous, just know that we're all there to do the same thing. We're not here to judge you. You can be who you are. You will eventually find someone who you connect with on such a deep level, because we're open to anyone we're not. You know, there is no filtering system, aside from your age, there's no filtering system for who gets in and who doesn't get in. So eventually you will find your people. But yeah, it does take a little bit, tiny bit of skill, a little bit of effort, and just ability to just be willing to connect, be willing to make the effort.

Marcela: 49:30

Yeah, the other day, I was reading someone we're asking about why so hard to make friends as an adult, and someone say something that I thought it was kind of clever. This person said that, do you think is if in your household, your parents were people very social? Where they invite friends to their houses make a difference in you having the ability to be a good friend, you know, to be friendly, to be open, to connect with people and make friendships. That makes me think you know, because that may be one thing they don't have the skills, so they feel very uncomfortable in that environment because they don't know how to handle the thing.

Alex Alexander: 50:30

Marcel, I could not agree with you more. I am shaking my head over here like the biggest Yes, because I say all the time that friendship is a skill and a habit. And a lot of people, I think, right, the messaging out there is like, Oh, well, you're just good at that. You're a people person. You are good at small talk. You're whatever. It's like, no, it's it's just a skill. And the good news is you can learn that skill at any point in life. But similar to if I tried to learn to play the guitar, right now, I don't even know how to really pick it up and hold it. I don't like, I don't know, right? I would look so awkward. It would be really uncomfortable, but I could learn that at least some basics. I'm not saying I'd ever be very good, but I could learn it. And people can do that now it's they can beautiful for anybody who was modeled and taught these skills. And hopefully we're all becoming more aware that they are a skill, and maybe that'll be different for future generations. But I totally think you're onto something, and the article you read is onto something,

Claudia: 51:46

yeah. And I want to point out one last thing too, because a lot of people label themselves as, oh, I'm introverted, or I'm extroverted, or, you know, I'm a homebody, Oh, I like to go out all the time. What? However you label yourself in terms of a social setting, a lot of the women in the club are introverts. A lot of them are but they are getting so much out of this because they have a space where they feel comfortable. A lot of times you're an introvert around people you don't feel comfortable with, but once you find your people, your inner flair comes out and you get to be who you want to be. So a lot of the girls who are getting the most out of it are obviously the ones that are participating. They label themselves as introverts, but it's because they have this safe space to be able to express themselves and connect with others that their little extrovertedness is coming out as well. And honestly, you don't even need those labels. You are who you are, you know. You just have to surround yourself with the right people.

Alex Alexander: 52:50

Yeah, and it sounds like the Minded Society and people who have an interest in adding connection to their life, like that's a pretty good starting place for the right kind of people. You can go from there to close out this episode, if you were talking to someone who was maybe, I don't know, looking at your website or another virtual community, how does someone know if virtual community is right for them?

Claudia: 53:19

I would say, If you love a group chat, if you are if you want to have something at the palm of your hand where you can connect with people in a very personalized way, then virtual is for you. If you're someone who you're very much in your routine, and you just want, like one thing a month, where you can leave the house and go meet with people, then maybe you need to find more of an in person club that you can join. But if you want a constant in your life, I think digital is the only way to go at this point, because we just don't have the bandwidth, unless you're in a specific industry and maybe your work is putting you in front of people all the time. We don't have the bandwidth to go out with a friend every single day or to do something in person all the time. But if you want to feel close to people and you want to have that sense of community on a daily basis, then virtual, digital, that's the way to go. Then that's for you.

Alex Alexander: 54:28

I think that is just a great reminder for people. You know, I think it's hard when you're looking at these virtual communities of like, well, I don't know, what am I getting out of this? Like, is this better? Is this worse? Is this lesser than and I think that's just like, a very straightforward answer for people. So I love that answer.

Claudia: 54:47

I'm a very straightforward person,

Alex Alexander: 54:49

yeah, takes all the like, honestly, the emotion out of it, a little bit like, this is a functional setup to help people with consistency with you. Being guided with kind of filtering out people, so there's no need to feel this like more than lesser than that. I think sometimes people do feel with virtual community like you're just giving a very functional answer. And I think some people are gonna hear that and be like, Oh. So many other thoughts have clouded my head about this, but that is, oh, that's what I want,

Claudia: 55:24

exactly, yeah. And the beauty is too like, come join we give you 14 day free trial where you can come and check it out, see if it's for you. And if it's not, that's okay. There will be other communities that are better fitted for you. But give it a try. Just try it out. You know, you're not losing anything by joining a space like this where you could potentially make a friend like that is a huge, huge win for a very little amount of effort and investment that you would have to put into it.

Alex Alexander [Narration]: 55:57

Yeah, I think that's a great reminder for people. Well, I just want to thank you both for coming on here. I'm so excited for people to hear this and anything I can do to you know, open more doors, more doors and more possibilities to find connections that feel good to them. I think this is just like such a beautiful option for people. So thanks for doing what you do, too. Today's episode with Claudia and Marcela continues to harp on that theme I have had recently, which is that it's not so much where the connection is happening. It's how we are showing up for each other, whether it's through voice notes, unexpected phone calls, joining a virtual community. Technology isn't the barrier to deep friendship that we're often told it is, if you use it right, it can be a bridge, and sometimes that bridge might lead you to people that you have never met before and you wouldn't have met otherwise. So if you are feeling inspired to join a virtual community and explore virtual connection, remember that the Minded Society is offering our listeners here at Friendship IRL 50% off your first month after a 14 day Free trial. So you really get you're getting like, six weeks to dive in and start building some of those connections, just use the code FRIENDSHIPIRL at mindedsociety.com/memberships, and maybe today's that day to send that message, make that phone call, reach out to that online friend, join that group, Take the first step, because real friendship, it can start anywhere, even through a screen or keyboard, until next time.

Alex Alexander: 57:47

Thank you for listening to this episode of Friendship IRL. I am so honored to have these conversations with you. But don't let the chat die here. Send me a voice message. I created a special website just to chat with you. You can find it at alexalex.chat. You can also find me on Instagram. My handle, @itsalexalexander. Or go ahead and leave a review wherever you prefer to listen to podcasts. Now if you want to take this conversation a step further, send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting. And use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out. No need for a teary goodbye. I'll be back with a new episode next week.