How to Rest Without Quitting (A Guide for Coaches)

What if the thing you’re avoiding—rest—is the missing gear your life needs to finally run smoothly? We dig into the messy middle between hustle and recovery, challenging the belief that stepping back means you’re falling behind. Through raw stories from night shifts, NICU days, and the creeping costs of burnout, we unpack how fear, shame, and identity can turn “always on” into a trap—and how reframing rest can unlock better health, clearer decisions, and stronger relationships.

We get honest about the high-performer mindset: the brain says more effort will fix everything, while the body waves a red flag. That tug-of-war shows up as exhaustion, short tempers, poor judgment, and eventually, real health consequences. The turning point wasn’t a perfect routine; it was perspective. With coaching, we separated worth from output and learned to protect energy like a core asset. Oddly enough, doing less led to more—weight lost, promotions earned, a thriving business, and most importantly, presence at home.

We also explore rest as a family system. When one person models healthy recovery, everyone wins. We share simple anchors—morning pages, a quiet walk, a short game with the kids—that restore focus without derailing momentum. And we tackle the tricky part: defining your version of rest without drifting into escapism or using “self-care” to avoid growth. Whether you’re an introvert who needs silence or an extrovert who refuels with people, the test is simple: do you return sharper and kinder?

If the grind has become your identity, this conversation offers a different map: self-leadership over self-punishment, rhythm over sprints, presence over performative hustle. Hit play to learn how to rest without quitting, move with purpose, and become the kind of person who can do the right things well, for the long run. If this resonated, follow the show, share it with a friend, and leave a review telling us your go-to recharge ritual.

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Transcript

The Rest vs Quitting Dilemma

SPEAKER_01 0:00

So, how do you rest without actually quitting? So, every coach needs rest, but some people will confuse rest with actually stopping.

Fear Of Failing Family Roles

SPEAKER_00 0:08

Yeah, I feel like there is really a dichotomy here of people who use rest as an opportunity to not take action because they're uncomfortable. And then there's the high performers. Like we actually help coach a lot of them that want to constantly be doing and taking action. And any foot off of the gas feels like they're slamming on the brake. And really being able to talk about this is what I wanted to bring up today because there's a place in the middle. And yes, it depends on who you are as a human. It's why like having a coach is so critical to see which part you are. But I also find that that people who are afraid of one side are actually not the people that should be afraid of it in the first place. So I coach inside of the dad edge, right? I get to be a leader inside of that organization. And a lot of times we talk about like becoming a better father and a better husband. And one of the things that like comes up is they're like, you know, I'm so nervous that I'm just going to be like a bad dad or a bad husband. And I do understand like why that comes up, because it was the same thing that came up for me. But I also remind them of like, well, the the truth is, is the people who are quote unquote like being a bad husband or bad father, they are not asking themselves that question. They could care less. That's just who they are. And so when you ask yourself that question, it's like, oh, well, actually, this is so important to me that it's actually not an issue that I have to worry about. However, your brain is going to come in there and it's going to try and use it against you. And that's what we want to talk about today is not using this against you, but also not completely ignoring rest like I did, and then just having a whole bunch of other nuclear options happen in your life.

High Performer Burnout Story

SPEAKER_01 1:32

All right. So what do you actually mean by that? So give us an example of what like pushing through actually cost you.

Hitting Rock Bottom And Reframing

Coaching, Mindset, And Doing Less

SPEAKER_00 1:38

I am a high performer by nature, which is, like we like to say, our greatest strength, but also our greatest weakness. And I'm not sure how much of this we've actually shared, but uh I used to be a police officer from LAPD. I used to have crazy shifts. Um, I would work the night shift. I was a core qualified gang expert at work until three o'clock in the morning, and then I'd have to be up at like six o'clock in the morning, like an hour nap, go to court the whole day, and then go back to work. And it was at the time when I was not taking care of my health because I thought that I didn't have any time. It was also the time that we started having babies. And by we, I mean you. And when we had our first kid, Andrew, uh, I mean, you know this, one pound nine ounces, he had to spend 73 days in the NICU. I realized that I had not been taking care of myself and I had been putting so much action and energy into work because that's where I felt like I needed to perform. I felt like I needed to be the breadwinner. I felt I don't know what all those stories that I was telling myself. But anyway, it got me to show up in a way where I wasn't as connected with you as I wanted to. I was not, my health was totally out of what I wanted it to be. And then also Andrew was now in the NICU. And it was at that time that like I feel like I had an emotional breakdown. Developed shingles. That was probably a reason why I ended up having my autoimmune. It was me trying to push more and more and more and thinking, if I took my foot off the gas here, I'm not gonna promote, I'm not gonna be the leader that I want to be, or uh, these people are depending on me. And people's lives sometimes depended on me. However, when I was exhausted and I was a zombie, not sure that was the best way of showing up. And so it was that moment that actually made me hit the quote unquote rock bottom in my life where I was like, I need to show up better. I Andrew was born. He didn't choose who his dad was, but I chose every single day what I put my time and my energy into. And so it was at that time that I actually found coaching, which is why we do what we do right now, right? You know, like 13 years ago, really just understanding like how the brain works and how like overachievers want to constantly do more and more and more and not rest. And yes, like everybody knows you can't pour from an empty cup, right? And it's easy to say that, but it's super hard to understand what's going on in here that's gonna try and convince you otherwise, that you're gonna lose things, that things aren't gonna work out well. But I gotta tell you that when you lean into this process that we're gonna talk about today, really learning how to understand how to manage your mind, learning how to coach, learning how to lead and get yourself to perform on a different level, it doesn't mean that you have to do more. As a matter of fact, a lot of times you're gonna be doing less, but it means you have to be willing to think about it differently. Because since then, I've lost 100 pounds, I got promoted to sergeant two, then I end up retiring from LAPD. Now I get to work full-time at home, like in a multi-six-figure business, like all those things that I really wanted to do. But it took me taking a step back, understanding the difference between resting and giving up and pushing too hard and being able to reframe that into a perspective that actually got me to show up the way that I wanted to. All right. So now that I've bared everything out in public, I want to hear from you. So, so tell me about like how this has shown up for you. And I I know that we're kind of like a little bit different of personalities, but I want people to see that it's it's the same exact method or focus that gets anybody to show up, no matter their personalities. There are some tweaks to it too. So I like to hear like, how does this shown up for you?

Partner’s Perspective Shift

SPEAKER_01 4:40

Yeah. And I think for me, it's it's it's similar in nature because I think it's the idea of pushing through and ignoring like signs, ignoring like how you feel physically, mentally. Because I remember I had my career and um, you know, the kids were small, you were still working, and there were these moments where I started to feel kind of like that pressure. And I remember one night I sat on the couch and I felt like this the flood of emotions coming, and nothing actually changed in that moment, but it was the realization of something's gotta give. Like I just felt like super exhausted. And it was the thought of me having to do this over again the next day that it was like this continuous thing that I had to keep pushing through. In that moment, I kind of felt like, okay, something has to change. Like I had to do something where I have to feel better and I have to make that change. Like I have to actually do something. And the first thing that changed was my perspective, was thinking, you know what, I have to put myself as a priority. I know that, you know, I have all of these responsibilities and I always put everybody first, but then I have to turn that back on me. I have to realize that I am important too, and that I have to put myself as a priority. And that was kind of like the catalyst to me working on on my physical health, but then it started to, you know, turn into like a mental health and you know, working on myself professionally or personally, that personal growth that started to kind of take effect. You keep pushing, even let's say, for example, like feelings, like you suppress your feelings and you push them down because you feel like you just have to kind of like show up as a certain type of person. Like I have to show up from my career, I have to show up as a great mom. I had all of these like really high standards for myself, but yet I was pushing back on the things that really mattered, and that was my health. So that was a moment that for me that I realized that I needed to just make myself a priority.

Family Systems And Shared Growth

SPEAKER_00 6:45

One thing comes up as you're like talking about that is um, you know, a lot of people come to us because we're like a husband and wife team, right? So we create our business together, we learn how to coach. Obviously, we coach our clients. Like one month they or one week they get me, one week they get you. So they can get like different perspectives, right? And a lot of people wish that they had that, but but one of the things that like came up for me as you were talking here is like I started on the coaching journey first, right? And one of the things that I constantly think about is like not only like me taking care of myself, but helping to give you the time so you can take care of yourself and helping the kids to be able to give their time so they can take care of themselves. And like the level one is like, oh, I've got to take time for myself. Like, I think that is super important, but I also feel like because family is so important to us, that we need to also focus on like, yes, I gotta give myself time for that, but I also have to find ways of do being able to do that with my family, right? And so, you know, I started to get into coaching. And then uh we got I got into PDX, right? And then you did that with me. And so we started to like grow that way. And then we got into personal development, personal growth. Then we got into coaching. All of these kind of things gave us that ability of working on ourselves. I feel like a part of rest is working on me, right? And like in the morning time, 20 or 30 minutes just reading a book, listening to like a little bit of like my affirmations and things like that, is like really that fuel that does give me that time for myself, but then it actually allows me to show up and like really like take everything to the next level. So so I I I just want to to challenge people who are like, maybe you're like on phase one and that's like taking care of myself, but also how could you like reach out to your spouse? How could you reach out to like your kids or the people who are like nearest to you that you see them going down this path and ask them how you could help them get some of this time, right? Because yes, it's about you, but it's also about them.

Define Your Version Of Rest

SPEAKER_01 8:28

Yeah, one thing I wanna I wanna point out is that like when I say that my perspective had changed, that was the reason why I said yes to you saying, Hey, let's do P90X. It wasn't because I was motivated, it was because I had changed my perspective and I was open to it. So it was like kind of like the perfect storm, right? But I think that like one thing that we need to talk about is like people are probably thinking, like, okay, so they're talking about rest, but they're talking about like doing all these crazy things. It's because rest is different for everybody. Yep. So it's like you have to define what your rest is. You're not gonna be quitting because you you do have to have some rest, but you have to incorporate it into your routine. It's part of the rhythm and it's part of the process. And that's how it won't feel like quitting because it's part of the process.

Shame, Autoimmune, And Boundaries

SPEAKER_00 9:15

Yep, I love it. I love it. So, so going down that path of like being able to find your version of rest, right? I think that's where people kind of like go off is they think rest means not doing anything. Rest means like just sitting there, like staring at a blank TV. And maybe that is your rest, but there's so many different types of rest that help you feel rejuvenated, right? So for me, um massive introvert, right? Like I usually will not get out of the house. If I do, I'm going on a walk with like one of you guys, right? But I know people who rest is getting into an environment where there's a ton of people around so they can have conversation with them. I'm like, that sounds like terrible to me. Like that sounds like I need to spend three days in a hotel by myself, right? And so for me, it's different, right? It's it's kind of funny because like uh the kids will get me involved in some of their games. Like I like to connect with the kids in their games, right? So they're playing like Honkeye Star Rail and things like that. And and one of the things that I do is when I get into a game, I'm like, I'm gonna be the best in the world at this, right? And so I start communicating with them, I start talking to them. Their friends overhear us and go, Wait, your dad plays that? And then I like literally am so like focused on it that like we're over here and Teresa's like watching like a home improvement thing, and I've got it. But I at the same time, like, okay, I gotta get to like level 34 here because I got to beat the crap out of these kids, right? And so I mean, that's just how I am wired. But when I I like I feel like that's recharging because like the next day, I'm back on my A game, sending messages to people, connecting with them, coaching, I'm like doing all of these different great things that I get to do, but I need that time to rest and recover. And you know this, but like sometimes I convince myself that, hey, I don't deserve, quote unquote, deserve the time to play, or I don't deserve the time to go out on a walk or to do some of these things that recharge me, right? And I gotta tell you, it always makes me not show up the way that I want to. It always makes me show up with like less energy.

SPEAKER_01 10:52

It's because they're shame involved.

Rest Without Escaping Life

Coachability And Identity Work

Self-Leadership And Sustainable Growth

Becoming Versus Doing

SPEAKER_00 10:53

Yeah. And then, and then if you go back to the last video talking about like being motivated, it's very hard to motivate myself when I'm like functioning at zero level, right? And and I know a lot of people don't know this, but I also have an autoimmune disease. It actually came about because of me continuing to push. So even after that thing with Andrew, I got back into my old routines, right? It's what happens when you don't get consistent coaching is you get back and go back to your old behaviors. And it pushed me so much that I actually developed an autoimmune, which is one of the main reasons why I actually made this switch, right? But going back to what we were saying is like you gotta figure out what your style of rest is. So I want you to think about this. Like, think about the last time you felt rejuvenated. And I don't mean that you're escaping your life. If you're trying to escape your life, maybe we need to have a different conversation, all right? Maybe you need to make a transition, maybe you need to be a coach, maybe you need to be doing something else that you really enjoy or love. Yes, we could reframe it and we can think about a perspective that gets you to want to do that. But sometimes it's like this doesn't fulfill me. And maybe that's something we need to talk about. But in terms of you resting, I want you to think about when do you feel most like re-invigorated? When do you feel like you've felt recharged? Did you go to the movies? Did you spend the weekend somewhere else, right? Did you go to the beach? Like, think about these things because then you can think about like how do I rest and recharge and come back even stronger the next day. Now, what we don't want you to do, all right, I'm gonna call this out because I see coaches doing it all the time, is use this as an excuse to not do anything anymore, to quit, to no longer lean in, to no longer grow. That is not what we do around here. You can find some other channel for that. But for us, we always learn the lessons from it and we move forward with it and we figure out what that next step is, right? So it's not just a, hey, um, I feel like I can't give myself enough time for rest. So let me just quit everything. No, you're not learning the lesson. And you're kind of like not being coachable, which just means that this channel isn't gonna help you because we need people who are coachable, right? So when you get into this environment, you got to realize there is a new way. There is a way that I can actually get rest and recover and recharge on the other end, but maybe I don't have it right now. Maybe I need to find a coach that can ask me a question to pull it out. Now we talked about this in a roundabout way, but I want to share this with you. And that is rest is hard because it will expose identity issues. These are things like your worth, added pressure, maybe using shame or guilt or humiliation against yourself. But the way that we reframed it today is not using that as your weakness, but using rest as your superpower when you can find your way of really tapping into that. Now, this is something we talk a lot about here on the channel, but we really focus on inside of our certification. And that's because a lot of times you don't need to do anymore. You just need to focus more on self-leadership, leading yourself, finding your way of succeeding, and tapping into your strengths, not what everybody else is telling you. Now, when you start to learn this rhythm, you start to take these levels of actions and really focusing on these right perspectives, growth starts to feel lighter. You start seeing yourself taking action, giving yourself the time to recover and showing up on your A game. And that's usually when you start to realize something a little bit deeper. And that's growth isn't just about what you do, it's really about the person that you're becoming. So we'll help you make that connection in the right way so it actually doesn't pull you off course in the next video. So stay tuned, and we'll see you in the next episode.