How One Mother Turned Pain Into A Movement To Support Grieving Moms

Some stories arrive like a storm and leave the shape of everything changed. Our guest, coach and mother Heather Lane, shares how the stillbirth of her daughter Riley shattered her world, the years of silence that followed, and the day a quiet question in a parked car became the start of a different life. What unfolds is a raw, hopeful journey from isolation to agency, from surviving to serving, and from unspoken grief to a movement that invites mothers to say their children’s names out loud.

We explore what true support looks like when language falters: listening without fixing, presence over scripts, and the power of asking real questions. Heather opens up about rebuilding her foundation through simple, repeatable habits that restored energy and self-respect. She explains why confidence in coaching doesn’t come from perfect words, but from attunement, repair, and a deep belief that you won’t say the wrong thing to the right people. For anyone holding space for others—leaders, coaches, partners—these insights translate into everyday practices that build trust and foster growth.

Heather also shares Radiant After Riley, a movement born from love and loss, and her guided journal designed to help grieving mothers remember who they were, who they are, and who they are becoming. It’s a conversation about grit and grace, about modeling the work we ask of clients, and about choosing to lead from the front when life is hardest. If you or someone you love has felt alone in grief, this story offers language, tools, and a hand to hold.

If the episode resonates, share it with a friend, rate the show, and leave a review so more people can find these conversations. Ready to keep going with us? Subscribe and tell us: what part of Heather’s journey stayed with you most?

And don't forget to follow @becoming.heatherlane on Instagram!

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Transcript

Opening: Strength Through Hard Seasons

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Did you know some of the strongest coaches you'll ever meet aren't strong because life was easy? They're strong because they learned how to stand inside what most people avoid. And today, my friends, is a special episode. Special episode of the Modern Leadership Podcast. I'm sitting down with Heather Lane. Hi, Heather. She's one of our clients, one of the most grounded, wise, and powerful coaches we know. You're gonna really have an opportunity to not only hear her story, but how she's used coaching, leadership, and some of the pain in her life to actually be able to not only make a big impact in her life, but also the people that she helps serve too. And that's why I asked her to jump on the podcast. So, Heather, I'll let you talk now. How are you doing, friend?

SPEAKER_01 0:40

I'm doing great. I'm really, really happy to be here. So happy.

SPEAKER_02 0:44

Thank you so much. I mean, I know uh people are gonna get an opportunity to hear your story, and we're gonna dive into that real quick. But some of the things that we have seen, you not only use coaching, but lead you, your family, and the people around you is next level. So thank you for giving us an opportunity to dive in and ask you some of these questions and really pull it out. So I'd love you to start off by kind of like honoring your story, right? So, so when you think about your story, when you think about those moments that brought you to here, right? So you're a mother, you're a coach, you're an incredible leader, an awesome human, right? I'm curious, like when you think about your story, what do you think stands out the most about your journey that you like to share with the audience today?

The Stillbirth Of Riley

Silence, Suppression, And Isolation

A Second Birth And A Dark Spiral

SPEAKER_01 1:22

So the first thing I want to say is my journey has a lot of ups and downs, as do as does everybody's, right? But the one big pivotal moment in my story was when my first daughter, my second child, Riley, was stillborn. I remember at that time in my life, I had had my first son, and I remember thinking, like, how can I continue to live? Like, how am I ever going to be okay? How am I going to get through this? I quite literally thought that my life ended as hers did. And at that time, again, like I said, I had my my son. So I couldn't, my life didn't end. I still had him. And I didn't know how to grieve. I didn't know how to feel in general. I was navigating motherhood again with my son Robert. And then I was navigating grief too to talk about this tragedy was not something that people do. You don't hear a lot about it. People don't talk about it. And I felt that I couldn't either. And I didn't want to trigger people because I mean, one minute I was pregnant and then I wasn't. So the me at the time did what I thought was best. And I just suppressed my feelings. I just put a smile on my face and, you know, moved forward. I pretended it didn't happen. And I got pregnant about a year-ish, maybe two later. Uh we were in the middle of moving houses, which was further away from family and friends. COVID hit, and it was a really isolating time in general. And then when my second daughter was born, Hannah, I was one, when I got pregnant, I was terrified the entire pregnancy. And then after she was born, I was just in this really, really dark place of my life, physically, mentally, spiritually, all around unhealthy and dark. And I felt that the only purpose I had was to be a mother to my children. But at the same time, I didn't feel like I was good enough for them. And I felt that they deserved so much better. And to be honest with you, they did. But the key point here is that so did I. I deserved something better too. And when I realized that, that shifted everything for me. When I realized that it started with me. And then I committed to my health. I was very intentional and determined to be not only the mom that they deserved, but the woman that I deserve to be as well. And a year or so, maybe two into this health journey, I was presented the opportunity to become a life coach. And at that point, I was like, yes, I didn't need details. It was like, yep, I knew it. I felt it. I knew that it was in my path. So I got certified. I started out with helping mothers who lost themselves in mothershood. And then most recently, I have shifted my coaching to grieving mothers because I feel I know that that is my true purpose to speak about Riley and to share our story and bring hope and light and conversation to mothers. And I never want a mother to feel alone in her grief like I did at that time.

SPEAKER_02 5:25

Thank you for sharing this, friend. Thank you for sharing it. I know there's probably a lot of people who kind of like feel like they're in that moment, right? Um, whether they're going through something similar that you did or even just a different situation, right? It's very easy for us to alienate ourselves thinking that we're going through this experience alone, right? So thank you very much for sharing that. I'm sure a lot of people connected with that. You were going down this path. You had your, you had Hannah, correct? And then you said there was a switch that happened that got you to realize, hey, I really need to take care of me, right? I think a lot of people hear that, right? And you know, it's the whole cliche of like taking care of yourself first. And and they hear people like share their story and as if it's like a pivot, like just a light switch from one to the other. I'm curious, like, like when you think back to that story, was there like one time, one situation, one mindset, like one thing that like speaks to you the loudest in terms of that was step one for you to like be able to step back into that taking care of you?

The Turning Point In The Car

SPEAKER_01 6:23

There was. It was a point where I was taking, Hannah was with me, uh, Robert was at preschool, and I will shopping. We were in the car, whether it was before or after shopping, I don't remember. But I just remember being just so miserable and seeing the world just in a lens that was dark. The way that I perceived everything happening was to me and not for me. And that perspective on life was not a perspective that I wanted to live, and I feel like I could actually live my life in. And I I remember that day very, very clear because I was, I said, What am I doing? Like, what am I doing? I mean, I spent nights, many, many nights, rocking my children to sleep and telling them, and these are young children. I remember telling them, you should ask your daddy for a new mom because I'm not good enough. I said that to my children.

SPEAKER_02 7:34

Friend, what what do you think it was that that kind of started to turn that around?

SPEAKER_01 7:41

I feel as if I have always had some sort of knowing that I am going to do great things on this planet. And I feel like it kind of got to the point where I was like, stop, Heather. This is not who you are. It's not who they deserve, it's not who you deserve. This is not who who you are. And it's not who I want to be. And it was it was it was a slow shift, but it was also a very, very quick, fast shift as well. Um But it was yeah, it was it was a powerful, powerful shift when it landed.

SPEAKER_02 8:28

Do did you do you find like there was um whether it's a resource that landed that, whether it was a conversation that you had that landed that, a podcast, like starting to get into coaching? Um I'm curious, like what sparked that shift.

Choosing Health And Agency

SPEAKER_01 8:41

Well, the shift happened before um before any coaching program or anything. It's something that I I was really it could have been maybe a past photo of myself because, like I said, I was physically in a bad spot too. I didn't have energy, I was overweight, I was I was, you know, quite literally rolling out of bed onto the couch and counting down the minutes till bedtime. And I feel like maybe I was tired of being tired. Um but it it was it was all within. And I I I mean, of course, there was outside circumstances outside whether it was I don't I didn't listen to podcasts back then, to be quite honest with you. I didn't read books back then, to be honest with you. But I feel like there, of course, was probably something that that came in. Um but call it a call it something within that just snapped and said, okay, Heather, it's time. It's time for you to show up and start becoming.

SPEAKER_02 9:58

So I have a uh kind of a follow-up question to that because obviously you having gone through this, and by the way, how many years ago was that?

SPEAKER_01 10:05

Um Riley was still born about seven years ago. I would say that I started my health journey and this journey of becoming five and a half years ago.

SPEAKER_02 10:20

Okay. Okay. So um obviously that's a little while ago, right? So um, but when you think about like the whether it's the support, the help, or what you wish you had back then, um I'm curious what comes up for you? Because, you know, obviously there's there's a lot of people going through a lot of different pain, um, you know, in all different walks of life. Um, but I'm curious we can pull out some universal principles to be able to help them when they're when they're in those dark times. So what what do you wish you had back when this all happened?

Becoming A Coach

SPEAKER_01 10:51

I wish that I simply had somebody who understood um and who was just willing to listen. So as coaches and as a coach now, I know that listening is really, really powerful, sometimes even more powerful than using our words. And back then, I don't want to say that I didn't have anybody, but I I convinced myself that I didn't have anybody. So I f I not only isolated myself or I I did. I I did isolate myself. Um so as far as what I wish I had was somebody who just touched base and asked how I was, even if I said okay every single day for a year.

What She Needed: To Be Heard

SPEAKER_02 11:56

No, you brought up a really, really solid point. I remember hearing this, um, it was a quote that was related to leaders aren't the ones who are talking, they're the ones who are asking the questions, right? And and a lot of times it has to do with just having somebody to listen to, right? Um and it it's it feels like anytime like something really big happens, we tend to go inside and go down the isolation route instead of having those conversations, right? So I'm curious, what would you what would you tell someone who is potentially going through something hard right now? Um I mean, if you could just have a couple of minutes just to chat with them, Mike, what would you share with them?

SPEAKER_01 12:32

I would ask them my my very first step is to remember. Remember whether it be their pain, remember who they are, whether it be in the pain or before the pain or who they want to be after the pain. Um because I feel like, and we know as coaches, once we start talking, things surface. And then from there, I would, you know, continue to ask them questions and listen. And yeah, I feel like um remembering is a very, very big step in especially a grieving journey.

Advice For The Hurting: Remembering

SPEAKER_02 13:18

Mm-hmm. Well, thank you. Thank you for sharing that story with us. Um, I want to I want to change a few different directions just because I know that you help coach people in this space, right? And um, I know um, I mean, you you just referred to it right now. Like a lot of times when we think about coaching, uh, a lot of people tend to think it's like a script or a list of questions that we have to ask, right? And um I find that in most of my coaching sessions, it's most about being present, being curious, and helping people see things that maybe they didn't see before they jumped on the call, right? And um, yes, there's some like frameworks and stuff to follow that you can get some help with, but but I feel like thinking that you just have to go through a script and you have to have all the answers is not really what coaching is. A lot of it is just being present, seeing things that maybe other people can't see, um, and being able to ask those powerful questions. So uh now I know that you help people through this, right? So I I want to ask you a couple of questions because we have a lot of coaches who listen to this podcast, right? Some might be going through a situation like you. Everybody, I think, will be going through some hard stuff, at least this year, because that's just the way that life works. You have the 50-50, right? So 50% of positive quote unquote experiences and 50% of negative experiences. Just everybody has their own version of that, right? Um, but I I wanna I want to talk a little bit about like um how you help people through this, these type of things, right? So um when you think about um whether it's how you lead them or how you help um, yeah, really how you help lead them, um, what do you think is something, whether it's something you do or something how you help them while you're going through all of the stuff that you have going on in your personal life too? What so what do you think matters most in those situations?

SPEAKER_01 15:01

I would say I so you talked about the self-care, right? And I feel like that's that's the cliche. Like as you said, that is the that is the cliche. I take care of myself and I rest, but also I do the work. So I will never ask my clients to do something that I haven't done or won't do. Um, I put myself in rooms and communities where I am, you know, asked to show up and I commit to my growth and my healing, and I'm striving to be the best version of myself. So I feel as if that's a very, very big step that I have taken to continue to be able to coach people.

Coaching Is Presence Not A Script

SPEAKER_02 15:54

Yep. Yep. I mean, you you talked a lot about like modeling the behavior and doing the things that we're asking our clients to do, right? So critical, but it also translates into the confidence that we have while we're communicating with them, right? And and being a few steps ahead, having gone through some some things that you can help them with, um, also does help with the not only the confidence, but the belief that they're gonna be able to make it through it, right? So um I'm I'm curious, like when you think about somebody who could potentially be listening today, maybe they're feeling stuck or they're unsure like what their next steps are, um, whether it's like they're trying to help clients or even trying to get themselves to walk through this, what do you think is maybe a perspective, uh maybe a practice that you have, or just something that you want to make sure that they walk away from this call with today?

SPEAKER_01 16:37

Um, I would say from a coach to a coach, I would say one mindset and shift that I don't remember who I heard it from. I've heard it many times. Um, but the one thing that stuck with me for a very long time was you won't say the wrong thing to the right people. And especially in my in my work, it's a really raw subject. And I have come to fully embody that I won't say the wrong thing to the right people, and that trust in myself has been really, really powerful. Um so I think, you know, not only trusting yourself, but trusting yourself and knowing that you're not going to say the wrong thing to the right people. And um yeah, trusting yourself. I think it's a big part of being a coach.

SPEAKER_02 17:45

Right, right. How how do you think you started to learn how to trust yourself?

Modeling The Work As A Coach

SPEAKER_01 17:50

By doing, by simply doing in I'm not gonna sit here and say I haven't fallen on my face or maybe said something that I wouldn't have, but it was never received in a negative way, if that makes sense. I'm I'm very I'm quick to correct maybe what I said. Yeah.

unknown 18:18

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 18:18

So when I when I if I was to ask something and I can tell, like they don't know what I'm saying, they don't know what I mean here. I I can I can you know make that shift.

SPEAKER_02 18:30

Yeah. Yep, yep, yep. And I think it's also it has a lot to do with you being present, like on not just on the call to ask questions, but being present and really being able to check in with like their body language and whatnot. Um and I I know I've seen you, like obviously I uh you've been in programs where I taught how to coach, I've seen you develop as a coach, and you really do like um we talk about becoming a high impact coach, and I see how you show up on these calls, always with your coaching hat on, always being willing to ask those questions, always being willing to, if you say something, just saying, hey, I apologize that that hit that way. Let me kind of like explain um uh my perspective, but also like get to hear where you're at too, right? And um they they they say this thing, especially with relationships, right? Um, they talk a lot about like the connection is really sometimes in the repair, right? It's actually in the repair where you actually get the most connected because you take a second to say, Hey, um, I didn't mean it that way, or I'm sorry that you did that that happened, or I sorry that I said that, or whatever, but you actually have an opportunity to connect and really repair in the motion in the moment, right? So um, so thank you for sharing that. So so I before we wrap, I want to ask you this final question. Um, and and that is like, you know, obviously, I'd love to hear like how people can connect with you if they feel um like they really want to connect with somebody who's gone through something like this to be able to help them through it. But I also want to hear like some of the things that maybe you're working on, maybe something that you're excited about in terms of like how you're helping people or or you know, something to that effect. So, so what are you working on right now that you're excited about? And also, how can people connect with you?

Trusting Yourself With Hard Topics

SPEAKER_01 20:03

Um, a big thing that I am working on right now is a journal. It's a guide um for mothers, you know, going through you know the grieving. Um and the I have am in the beginning stages of creating a movement Radiant after Riley because my business name becoming Radiant Um and my daughter's name, Riley, um, I a big part of you know, a mother who has lost her child is getting people and even getting ourselves to say our baby's name. And I think that that is very I know that that is very important. And so the movement I'm very excited about, you know, getting mothers to talk about their babies when they're ready. And it's something that I'm I'm very, very passionate about. Um you know, I never want a mom to feel alone in her grief or in general. Um but I can be found on Instagram at becoming.heatherlane. Um, I have a link in my bio you can check out. Um, but I also do want to say to anybody who is listening that if something that I said did speak to you, if I said something, or if you have any questions, comments, and you feel that pull to connect, I would love to hear it. Feel free to message me on Instagram. It is just me who sees those messages. Um, and I'd love to have a conversation.

SPEAKER_02 21:41

That's awesome. By the way, um Radiant so much describes you, friend.

SPEAKER_00 21:46

Yes.

Repair, Attunement, And Growth

SPEAKER_02 21:46

I'm just gonna say it. I remember like uh yeah, I remember when I introduced you to some of the people on the on the team and just saying like your energy like transforms the room. Whenever you step in, like it just literally changes, right? So I just want to say thank you very much for coming on. Thank you for sharing. Like, obviously, this is a very, very deep subject, right? Um, and I I do want to bring something up for people who, because we have people who are like want to become coaches and then people who are coaches, right? Um, and and sometimes as coaches, like we we really like to like dive into sometimes our story and some of the pains that we've been through and help people through very difficult like situations, right? It doesn't mean everybody has to do that from their past. Like some people are cool with just business coaching or just uh, you know, relationship coaching. And I don't want to like shame or guilt anybody for that, but I really do think like when you use your story, like to be able to um create so much impact in the world, right? By creating this journal, by really being able to talk, coming on this podcast, sharing like your mission with everybody. Um, it is just so powerful to be able to do that. So um, and of course, when you can have those conversations, you can have any conversation in the world. Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_00 22:55

Yep.

Radiant After Riley Movement

SPEAKER_02 22:55

So I appreciate you for that, friend. Um, definitely look up Heather Lane, becoming.heather lane on um Instagram. I'm probably going to encourage her to start her own podcast soon. She doesn't know this, but she's going to. And guys, um, thank you. Let me just say thank you, everybody, for listening, but also for doing what you do out there every single day. Like we heard Heather today and her story, um, and really being able to take the lessons from her story, from her life, from Riley, and be able to pass it on to as many humans as possible. Um, I mean, it's such an amazing legacy to be able to lean into, but that's the hard work. That's the hard work. We call this leadership, modern leadership coaching, because we don't just show up when it's easy. We show up when it's hard, but also because we can lead from the front and we can make a huge difference in the world when we do that. So, Heather, thank you for doing that. Thank you for being uh for leading from the front, being proof that it's possible. And everybody listening, thank you guys for what you do out there every single day. Um, and then we'll see you on the next episode. So keep leading from the front, and we'll see you real soon. Bye, everybody.