Why Coaches Know What to Do But Won't Do It

You can feel it in your gut: you know what would grow your coaching business, and you still don’t do it. Not because you’re lazy. Not because you’re “bad at sales.” It’s because something deeper is protecting you from the discomfort of being seen, being judged, or sounding like the spammy outreach you hate.

We unpack the identity gap that keeps coaches stuck in prep mode, and why the story changes at every level. First it’s “I don’t know what to say,” then it becomes “who am I to reach out,” and eventually it turns into a values conflict like “I don’t want to be salesy.” We talk about the real cost of avoidance, how time and income compound when you finally act, and why coaching is paid for transformation, not hours on a call.

Then we get practical: why websites, niches, and constant posting can turn into side quests, and how to shift your energy so outreach actually works. We also share why copy-paste AI messaging can backfire, how to find your own language, and what kind of insight only comes from committing to 10 real conversations with real people.

If you’re ready to stop preparing and start leading, check out our Meet 10 Bootcamp at modernleadership.us/meet10 and take action this week. 

Want to lead high-stakes conversations with real skill?

High Impact Mastery Academy (HIMA) by Modern Leadership Coaching helps you:

• Build a repeatable method for the conversations that matter 
• Develop confidence through live reps and direct feedback 
• Create measurable change with the people who depend on you

Apply to HIMA (no calls, 24-hour review):

https://www.modernleadership.us/academy

Transcript

Why Outreach Feels So Hard

SPEAKER_00 0:00

So I keep seeing this pattern, and that's coaches who know exactly what would grow their business, having the conversations, doing outreach, you know, the uncomfortable things, and they just won't do it. And I want to call this out because it's not because they're lazy, it's not because they're dumb. There's something deeper that's actually running the show. And that's what I want to talk about today because I know so many coaches want to find more clients. And that's what they need to do, right? But they're not getting themselves to do it. So let's actually break through that. You ready to do that, movie?

SPEAKER_01 0:28

Yep, let's go.

SPEAKER_00 0:29

Let's go. So you're listening to Modern Leadership Coaching. I'm Mark.

SPEAKER_01 0:32

And I'm Teresa.

SPEAKER_00 0:33

And we talk about what it actually takes to grow as a coach and a leader. Because the world doesn't need more coaches, it needs people who can be trusted with this level of influence. So today is what we're talking about. We're talking about how coaches can talk themselves into not doing things that they know they they need to do. Right. We're not talking about like surface level procrastination. We're talking about the identity of who you are, right? And and really getting past this and the implications of being willing to navigate this, to do the uncomfortable things, to have those feelings, but to make a different decision, take a different action, and how much more it will help impact not only the people that you coach, but yourself, your family, and everything else, right? So I don't want to label this as a problem per se, but this is a great opportunity that a lot of people have right now, because I talk to a lot of coaches and they have this amazing skill, but they're not utilizing it because they're talking themselves out of it. So you ready to do that?

SPEAKER_01 1:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:30

All right. So here's the thing. Um, I have some questions that I put together to make sure that we can really deep dive into this, right? Because it's like we said, it's not just surface level stuff, right? So that's why I wanted to bounce some of these things off and really get deep. But also, I'm gonna share this a little bit early. We actually have something to help people with, right? So we'll share that a little bit at the end because we wish we had this back when we started when it comes to coaching as well, right? So I want to start this by throwing it to you and see what comes up for you. And that is, if you asked most stuck coaches what would change everything, they tend to say, you know, having more conversations, right? So if they know that's the answer, why aren't they doing it?

SPEAKER_01 2:08

Yeah, that's the million-dollar question, right? And I think uh like many, many things, it's it's different for everyone. It's really about what they think about themselves, what they're focused on, right? Because if you know how to coach and you know that what you can help people with can truly change our lives, then why are you talking to people? Right. So there's something else that's going on that is preventing you from doing that. And most people don't know what that is for them.

The Identity Stories Keeping You Safe

SPEAKER_00 2:37

Yeah. I I think what comes up for me is is at every level, it will try to tell you something different. Right. So maybe like you're in your infant stage, it's like, I don't know what to say. I don't know who to reach out to. And in reality, that's kind of like surface level stuff, but you go three or four levels deep, it's like, who am I to reach out and have this conversation? Right. But then once we like start to understand coaching and understand how to help people, then maybe we're like, you know what? I don't want to be that spammy person who's going out and sending a hundred messages a day, right? Maybe we've had a relationship. I know we had like when we used to be in the MLM space, and in reality, it was like you have to send a hundred messages a day, right? And it kind of burned us out. And so now it's like selling, that's all exactly. It's either you do a hundred or do zero, right? And it's like, no, that is not the truth. At least that's what we found, right? That is not the truth. As a matter of fact, the fastest way and how we grew to$200,000 a year was doing what we're gonna talk about today, right? And it's not sending a thousand different messages, right? It's really being able to get to the root of what's actually holding you back so that you can get out there and you can have some conversations and you can help change people's lives, right? I know I was kind of said this earlier, but like thinking about like how this happens at every level, because as you're first getting started, your brain's gonna tell you a perspective or story to keep you stuck there. But then the next level, it's gonna tell you something else. And then the next level is gonna tell you something else. Being able to get to the root of that, and then of course, having the tactics, right? Which the tactics is powerful when you have the right tactics, but making sure that you don't hold yourself back from doing that, that is what I think is like really, really critical. What do you think?

SPEAKER_01 4:08

Yeah. Going back to like what you were saying about we don't want to frame this as a problem, I kind of see it more like a milestone that most coaches get to. Yeah. Right. Because you've said this before. When you know how to coach, your brain gets a lot smarter to keep you from getting to do the things that you need to do. So when this pops up, it's like, oh, I've hit that mark where it's like, I know what I need to be doing, but it's like something's preventing me from doing it. There's nothing wrong with you. There's nothing broken with you. Like most people will go through this.

SPEAKER_00 4:43

Yeah, that's such a key point. And that's the reason why we always say you'll stay in an environment where you can get coached, right? But not just like coached at the people that are at your level, but the level above you, because they're gonna know how to get through that. So I really love that. Now, follow-up question to that, because I want people to see what this is kind of costing them. I know a lot of people like they avoid that. They're kind of nervous about that. Even on a sales conversation, is like, okay, if you fast forward a year and you were to do these things, what would it get you? But what is it costing you to not do anything right now? And I think people are afraid to do that. And it's something that it comes up for me second nature now, because just because I didn't ask the question doesn't mean that it doesn't exist. It's there, but I'm pretending like it doesn't, and I just want to talk about the positive things, right? So when you think about this, like what happens when you don't do the thing that you said you were going to do, right? You're like, I'm gonna start a coaching business, I'm gonna help people, but then you don't do that thing. What kind of impact do you think that has on you, but also your clients?

What Avoidance Costs Over Time

SPEAKER_01 5:34

The first thing that comes up for me is time, the loss of time. Because the more time that goes by, so many things could have happened in that meantime, right? And that eventually costs you money as well, because you can't get clients if you don't tell them what you do and how you can help them. It's just this thing that just keeps building up. And it is a loss of time, right? Because you could have done that and could have ripped the band-aid off, and then you could have had much more success sooner. So that is the first thing that comes up for me.

The Trap Of Building Instead

SPEAKER_00 6:06

Yeah. Yeah. For me, it's the compounding of the money. Compounding the money. So I know everybody knows this because I talk about it a lot is three years in a row, I didn't become a certified coach because I convinced myself I didn't have the money at the time. And with everything going on with my LEPD career and all this stuff, like I convinced myself not to do that. And here's the thing like there's some things that we as individuals will go through that a lot of other people do. And sometimes, like, we don't go through those challenges because it's just how we're wired. And so one of the things that did not hold me back is having conversations with humans. Like that was something that just wasn't gonna happen for me. But but when I think about that, like I think about after 42 days, and this really sticks out to me because I calculated it, after 42 days, I made the$18,000 back that I had done for the certification. But the point here is that I got to keep making that over and over and over again for the last six years, right? Is being able to like double and triple and quadruple that because I put in the time and energy and effort to get through this. And so I think a lot of times people think about like the the, oh, it's gonna take me too much time, which, you know, it's gonna take time to be able to work through this. But think about all of like the monetary parts of this, right? Where, you know, being able to navigate this, come out on the other end is gonna create an infinite number of ways that you can help people and also make an impact in their life because people are not gonna pay you just to get on a coaching call. They're gonna pay you because you've gonna be able to change their life. And by being able to change their life, by making them aware of things, figuring out like what's holding them back and creating a plan for them and just being there to help guide them through the way, maybe a path that you've been on, that is what they pay you for. They don't pay you just for an hour of a coaching call, which is just something that I I see a lot of coaches out there. They think they get paid per hour. Yeah. No, you get paid for the transformation that you're giving the person, the problems that you help them solve, right? And so when you think about that, and you think about the amount of money that you're making is directly related to the amount of value that you're giving to your clients, right? Getting past this is like priority number one. It's like getting past this is gonna help you to not only make that impact, but also be able to support your family, be able to do all the things you want to do because that's gonna make it so that you can end up supporting other people.

SPEAKER_01 8:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:11

Does that make sense? I have heard this so many times, and it's a very easy way to kind of like hide. And that is like, well, I'm still trying to figure out my offer. I'm still working on figuring out my niche. I'm still figuring out like how I'm gonna launch this or the messaging around this, or like all of those, I like to say high-level words that people who are making a million dollars need to know. But the people who are just starting, they need to like put their blinders on because those things will distract you. They'll get you to start putting together webinars when you should be talking to another human being and it'll get you to feel like maybe this isn't cut out for me, right? Maybe this isn't something I should do. And I'm like, no, you should probably start at the beginning, not start at the end. Yeah. Right. So I I'm curious, like, how do you think this whole idea of I'm still building it is actually protecting people by not having them to have to perform?

SPEAKER_01 9:00

Well, I mean, you said it earlier. It's because if they're focused on that, they don't have to talk to other people. And it's it's funny because, for example, a website, right? Like, oh, I need to put together a website because uh I have to be professional and people need to be able to go somewhere to be able to look at the things that I can do for them and apply and all of these things. And it's like none of those things are important. And I we've seen it firsthand. First of all, with us, I mean, technically we don't have a website. We do kind of for our podcast, but we've never had a website and I think we're doing pretty good. I've seen this a lot with coaches where they feel like they need to do like these kind of like side quests, when in reality, it's because they're avoiding the really uncomfortable conversations or the uncomfortable reach outs or just talking to people. And they think that, hey, if I build this, they will come, right? If I build this website, people will just come to me. But how are they gonna know? How are they even gonna know about your website? How are they even gonna know that you can help them? Right. So it's it's one of those things that you know you convince yourself to do when in reality it's just avoiding the thing that you need to do.

How To Sell Without Being Salesy

SPEAKER_00 10:10

Yep. Yep. Indeed. I was actually just uh talking to one of my followers on LinkedIn and she is an incredible coach. I can tell already from our conversations. And one of the things she was telling me was like, I have been posting and like nobody is coming to me and asking me to get my coaching, right? And I think there's a fallacy out there that a lot of people think that like if they do the webinars, they do the podcasts and stuff, people are just gonna come out of the woodwork and ask to work with you. And I'm gonna be honest, like that does happen, but you have to get to a certain point where you have so many people that you're talking to or that hear your message that they reach out to you, right? So, I mean, we've had a couple of people from the podcast who were like, hey, tell us about the HIMAA or whatever, right? And it's like being able to do that, but it took a lot of time and energy and audience to build up before we could do that, right? I haven't really jumped on a call with her yet, and I'm going to, but like one of the things that I could sense was potentially holding her back was that she didn't want to be salesy like all of the people that are on quote unquote LinkedIn in terms of reaching out.

SPEAKER_01 11:05

Yeah.

Energy Shifts That Make It Work

SPEAKER_00 11:05

Now I'll pause here for a second, okay? Because I want to think through this real quick with you guys. So there are people who do things in a way that makes you potentially feel salesy. To them, it's totally cool. Obviously, it a lot of it might work, right? Because maybe somebody else feels a different way with it, right? But this follower of mine, I literally reached out to her the same having a conversation with her to see how I can help. But she responded to me. Which is funny, she didn't put two and two together. She no, she didn't say I felt like Mark was salesy because I was following the framework that we have, but also making sure that I didn't start with, hey, here's who I am, here's what I can do, and here's my link to buy my stuff. Right. And so when you see people do that, know that it's okay. Like, uh first off, I don't want to even get upset at people for doing that, right? This is like the Grant Cardone method. Just send it to a million people. And there's nothing wrong with that, by the way. It's just not how we operate. We don't want quantity over quality. Of course, having quality and quantity is awesome at some point, but right now we're really about the whole quality thing. And it doesn't mean somebody's doing something wrong. It just means you haven't found your way yet. And so for her, I'm looking forward to jumping on a call to figure out what that actual thing is. Cause even coaching or going back and forth on email, you can't really figure out what's going on until the person's in front of you having a conversation, which is why coaching is so important. But when you see that, then you can go, oh, so you are believing that the only way that you can grow is if you're salesy. And so that is convincing you to not reach out and have conversations with people and change their life. But there's a million ways of doing it. It's just your brain doesn't want to focus on that because it wants to stay comfortable. One of the things that we found is when you are focused, what we call this is the unconscious side of the growth model. When you are focused on what's broken, wrong, or missing, and it has something to do with you, that typically is the automatic thoughts that you have that's trying to keep you safe. But if you just shift that to the impact that it's making on other people, your purpose, your potential, wanting to make a change in somebody else's life, it totally transforms that, right? Now, this is the conscious side where you on purpose think a certain way to get yourself to take action. The reason why I want to bring that up is because what some people will convince you of is you just gotta push through the discomfort and have a conversation. Please do not do that. If you do, try it, let me know how it works. It doesn't work because your energy is not there. So, you know, going on this path of like it's uncomfortable, I gotta push through it. I understand where you're coming from because sometimes it is the act of doing it, but you have to fuel yourself with the right energy, otherwise that thing will never work. Have you ever had that where you're doing something that should have worked but it didn't because your energy wasn't there? You were just checking the box. You were like, my coach told me how to do this. Yeah. Versus somebody who's like, I'm about to make some impact in somebody's life. Who needs to hear my message today? And you reach out and you have a conversation before you know it, they're talking about how they can work with you. It's crazy how like that whole energy shift happens. And I've seen it time and time again. And it's the reason why we put together what we're gonna talk about in a few minutes. What actually happens, like not just practically, but emotionally, when somebody commits to 10 real conversations? The kind of like underlying question here is like, what kind of data comes back that no course or strategy or coach or anybody would have ever been able to tell you from having those 10 conversations? So what comes up for you?

SPEAKER_01 14:14

Yeah, it's the action of it, is getting in the trenches, right? And figuring that out rather than just sticking to theory because you're not gonna know like how those conversations go if you never have them, right? So I think that for some people it's really scary to reach out and do that and start up conversations. And, you know, like you were saying earlier, it's not about, hey, let me send you a link. I can help you. It's more of, hey, let me just like meet people, right? Let me just see. Because it could be that, you know, uh, some conversations that you have, you're like, well, maybe this isn't the right fit. Yep. For some, it might be, right? But you won't know that until you actually do it. There's a hump there that people can't get past, where that's where, like you said, that's where the data is. But they can't get themselves to get to that point.

SPEAKER_00 15:04

The whole idea of jumping into conversations and figuring out what to say and what not to say based off of your own language and how you communicate. Right. So when I think about going through this process, getting you to have conversations, right? This is not an AI prompt that you just copy and paste from AI.

SPEAKER_01 15:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:22

There is some structure around it, right? I mean, it's the reason why we put together the framework, right? There's some structure around it, but it you gotta be able to learn how to say it in your language. And you can't figure that out if you don't actually send it. Because what will work for me is different than works for you. Yeah. Which is different than works for everybody else. And it doesn't mean that it has to just be all from scratch. I would not suggest that. But at the same time, there's some universal principles and you got to figure out how do I communicate with people? What gets them to respond back to me? What gets me to identify who the right people are and who the wrong people are, right? Those kind of things are important. And I love AI. I use it a lot to like help with punctuation. Sometimes I'll put too many commas in there. You know it. You know it. But changing it into AI's voice or changing it into like, hey, this is just what it said without actually matching your own style is also a drawback. People will not get to feel your real energy. And even if they sign up and they jump on a call with you, they'd be like, wait, who is this? Because it seems like it was.

SPEAKER_01 16:14

Yeah, and I think for the most part, we've we've all been trained and we know we can spot AI from a mile away, right? So, you know, being as authentic as you can is is key.

SPEAKER_00 16:24

Yeah. And I'm not saying don't use AI. You definitely should, but you probably shouldn't use it in your coaching conversations because that's your like your main jam, right? The second thing has to do with connecting with the right people, knowing when to continue the conversation versus not to continue the conversation. That's also something that's important, right? Because when you think about this, we also don't mean go out and just have a million conversations and just go in random directions. No, there's got to be some frameworks around it. So last thing, okay. This is actually more of a point than an actual question. And I want to get your feedback on this because when I told you this earlier, you were like, we need to make sure that we bring this up. Right. And that's the irony of what we're talking about today. As a coach, you are amazing in conversation. That's literally the skill that you leaned into, that you developed, but you've built an entire infrastructure to avoid it. So tell me what comes up for you when you hear that.

SPEAKER_01 17:13

Well, it was a realization for me too, because I know that once I get into a session, like that's my jam, right? I I get in there and I can have a conversation with someone, I can ask questions and everything. And that's like you said, that's the skill that we build. But then it's like the thing that is going to get us into those sessions is what we're avoiding and we're creating things like we're doing the websites and we're doing all of this, or we're putting ourselves in this box where nobody else can get to us when the point is that you're going to have conversations with people. So I don't think we do this intentionally. I think it's a lot of like whatever is going on inside, like the fear or the anxiety or the just the uncomfortableness, we tend to create these structures that keep us from really having those conversations and just doing the things that we need to do.

Meet 10 Boot Camp Breakdown

Final Challenge And Sign Off

SPEAKER_00 18:10

Yep. I love it. I love it. I love it. So let's land the plane on this one. All right, because we do have something exciting that we want to share with them. But I I just want to remind you that as you get to this point, I want you to understand that the problem isn't more information. You don't need more information, right? It's about really doing the things that require you to step into this new identity that you just haven't fully claimed yet. It's the mixture of both the tactics, the things to do, what to say, but also the adaptive challenges that could prevent you from doing it and using your skill, which is the most powerful skill I ever believe in the whole entire world is being able to coach and ask a question to get people to like really see what's going on underneath the scenes. That thing you can really fully use it, but you have to be willing to take the action on it. Right. So here's the thing um everything that we talked about today, where it comes to the avoidance, the identity gap, the cost of not having conversations, we actually built something specifically for that. That's why we wanted to really hit this one home. This program that we just built is called Meet 10. It's a boot camp, it's 14 days, and it's$297, which is a freaking steal when you unlock the ability of having conversations and selling your program. So here's the thing this program has three group coaching calls. It has the structure that you need on how to reach out, who to reach out to, how to go through that process, how to guide somebody through a conversation, when to start it, when to stop it, but also has the coaching from me and Teresa, three calls in that 14-day period of time, it's actually 15 days, to help you not only with just the theory, but really getting into taking action and finding out what could hold you back from that. It is the blueprint and the coaching that you need to get yourself to show up and to take action, to have conversations and to start making the impact that you were designed to make. We don't talk about funnels, we don't talk about landing pages, we don't talk about webinars, we talk about conversations and having them this week. So this really is for coaches who are done preparing and ready to actually do the thing, to show up, to commit to having great conversations, and then get the coaching that they need through any resistance that comes up in real time. So we will leave you all of the details inside of the show notes, but I want to remind you of this, and that is what is it costing you for you to not get over this hump? And yes, I'm talking financial and money, but I'm also talking impact. Like here at Modern Leadership, one of our most important core values is impact. Are we impacting our family? Are we impacting the world? What kind of legacy are we leaving out here? Whatever that answer is for you, I want you to lean into it. I want you to not pretend, don't ignore it, don't pretend like it's not there. Lean in because this is an opportunity that you have to really change the game forever. We'll leave you the link inside of the show notes. It's modernleadership.us forward slash meet 10 M-E-E-T, the number one in the zero. We are starting it on March 23rd. Go to that link, check it out. And if this is something that you're really fully ready to commit to, but also finally have a plan to get through, then I guess we'll see you in there. Sound like a plan? All right. You guys have an incredible week. Keep leading from the front. Kurt misses when I say that. And we'll see you guys next week. Bye, everybody. Bye.