What Keeps Your Clients (and YOU) Stuck

Feeling stuck can look like “I don’t know what to do,” but it usually sounds more like “I know what to do, and I still can’t move.” Mark and Teresa get honest about what keeps coaches, leaders, and entrepreneurs trapped in place and why the problem you name first is rarely the real one. If you work with clients or you are building a coaching business, this conversation gives you a clean way to spot what is actually happening so you can create momentum again. 

We break down a practical coaching lens that changes everything: the difference between a technical problem and an adaptive challenge. Technical issues are the how-to steps and tools. Adaptive challenges are the stories, identity fears, and hidden assumptions that quietly shut down action. We talk about why people mislabel adaptive challenges as technical problems, how to define what “stuck” truly means for each person, and how powerful questions create awareness that leads to better choices. We also dig into the “salesy” fear that stalls client conversations and how a heart-first approach helps you lead without forcing outcomes. 

Then we turn the mirror on coaches themselves. The more you understand mindset and coaching models, the easier it can be for your brain to twist that knowledge into self-judgment and paralysis. We explore why outside perspective matters, why community accelerates personal development, and how disconnecting from the very support that created your progress can lead to a slow slide back within 90 to 120 days. Finally, we challenge the belief that you must wait for more clients before investing in your growth, and explain why reinvestment is often the path to greater value, stronger leadership, and a more resilient coaching practice. 

If something in this conversation hits a nerve, do not brush it off. Listen, share this with a coach friend who needs it, and subscribe so you do not miss what we publish next. What is one place in your life or business where you are ready to get unstuck?

Want to go deeper on what we talked about today?

We put together a short video on how to lead high-stakes conversations without winging it.

Watch it here: https://www.modernleadership.us/mastery

Transcript

Why People Get Stuck

SPEAKER_01 0:00

So I've been thinking about something. First off, welcome back to the podcast, by the way. Looking at my beautiful wife Teresa here. Um, but I've been thinking about something, and that's like why so many people get stuck. And when I say that, I don't just mean like a client will bring you this conversation or start this conversation with you, but you'll also come to us, right? Because we coach coaches and say, I am stuck. So here's the thing. What we want to do is we're gonna have a conversation today around what we see that causes people to get stuck. But I think the biggest thing is, because I think at some point everybody's gonna get stuck, is what we see happen that gets people to stay stuck instead of releasing it and really being able to lean into it as an opportunity and become the best version of themselves. But let's talk about that today. So you're listening to the Modern Leadership Coaching podcast. I'm Mark.

SPEAKER_00 0:47

And I'm Teresa.

SPEAKER_01 0:49

And here's where we actually talk about what it actually takes to be a powerful coach and leader, because the world doesn't need more coaches. It needs more people who can be trusted with this level of influence and responsibility. Because it's important. This is the reason why I do a lot of this stuff, is because I don't want people to get stuck, right? I want them to keep making progress. But at every level, we know that stuckness comes up so that we can overcome it, change our identity, and then step into that new version of us that doesn't have to deal with that anymore. And so that's what I want to talk about today. I want to talk about how to get unstuck. Now, for those of you guys who are obviously listening to us on podcasts, you know that we're going all into podcasts. So you're gonna hear a little bit more of like a behind-the-scenes conversation of Teresa and I talking about this because obviously her experiences with being stuck and her clients that she coaches are a little different than mine. But being able to see it from both perspectives is really why our clients love us. They get to work one-on-one with Teresa, one call, one-on-one with me, one call. And then, you know, some of them are in our certification and whatnot. But being able to hear it from these different perspectives is really why we wanted to lean into this, not only this topic, but also more podcasting. So without further ado, let's actually talk about this. Now, before we jumped on, we started to have a conversation. And it's kind of funny, like whenever the mics are not recording, you come up with the best stuff and you're like, this was awesome. Everybody needs to hear that. And I actually stopped Teresa and I'm like, hey, stop for a second because we need to turn the microphones on because that was really, really powerful. And the reason why is because I started to go down the path of the clients that I help were, which are a lot of coaches, and why they get stuck. But one thing that she brought up is just the whole idea of when you're a coach and your client brings you the fact that they're stuck. Maybe they don't understand coaching, maybe they don't understand like what's going on, but they have this really deep thing that's like, I'm stuck and I can't move forward. So let's kind of pick up the conversation there. So let's talk about the stuckness of people's clients before we talk about the stuckness that could potentially be in the coaches. Sound good?

Define What “Stuck” Means

SPEAKER_00 2:38

Yeah. Yeah. And I what we were talking about was really kind of defining what stuck means and not assuming that we know what the client is talking about. So some people say, I'm stuck or I'm overwhelmed, or there's different ways that people bring this up, but it's really important to define what that means because it it's different for everybody. So it could be someone is feels literally stuck because they're not moving at all. They're not doing anything in their business. Maybe they had some momentum and then something happened, they had a setback and they just can't move forward, right? So they feel like they're there's no way to move forward and they feel stuck. It's important to talk about that because it can look different for other people. So when we figure out what it is that is happening, right? We kind of diagnose what the situation is. That is the first step to kind of getting someone to really start to move forward, but it's really defining what stuck means to them.

Technical Versus Adaptive Challenges

SPEAKER_01 3:38

Yeah. So we're not going to go through the process. Obviously, we have an entire uh solution with a high impact mastery academy where we help guide you through what is actually holding somebody back, right? So if that's something you're interested in, definitely reach out to us. But I do want to talk to the people out there who are already coaches, right? And when they have a client that comes to them, I want them to think about the last time they had a client that felt like they were stuck or they were overwhelmed or whatever those words are, right? They're all kind of similar. It's like I can't move forward, like something is preventing me. I'm curious, when you think about what actually helped them get unstuck, what comes up for you?

SPEAKER_00 4:14

What I see is really, like I said, diagnosing the situation. Like what's really happening? Is it a technical thing, right? Is it something where you just need to pick the pieces back up and move forward? Or is it something where you're struggling with this challenge, this adaptive challenge that is quote unquote keeping you stuck? So that that's one of those things.

SPEAKER_01 4:36

Yeah. And and just so that everybody is uh kind of following along. So inside of the certification we teach, there's there's two main problems that your clients will deal with. There's an adaptive challenge, which has to do with like the way that they think about the situation, the stories they tell themselves, the perspective that they're focused on. And a lot of times it's because we're focused on what's broken, wrong, or missing, right? And so that is the adaptive challenge. Then we have the technical, right? Which is like, how do I start a podcast? Right. Well, some of the adaptive challenges that could come up is like, who's gonna listen to my show? I'm not good at speaking, or who am I to be somebody who does something like this, right? And as opposed to the technical solutions are what kind of microphone do you need? What setup do you need? Are you gonna use garage band? Are you gonna be able to edit stuff together yourself? And all those technical things. And a lot of times people think they're technical problems, but they're actually adaptive ones. We had a call today in Elevate, which is kind of like our group coaching program for people who want to get certified, but they're not currently ready to do that. And in one of the conversations that we had had a lot to do with this is like, I technically need to learn how to find more clients and I need to learn what to say to them. And what's funny is like whenever I have a conversation with them and I ask them some questions about, well, how do you have a conversation in real life or things like that, they come up with the beautiful answers. But then their brain is second guessing them and it's causing them to not take any action. Yeah. And so they're quote unquote stuck because they need to know exactly what to do and how to say it, how to respond, how to not be salesy, all of these kind of things that that are kind of like irrelevant that we bring into the conversation because either we've experienced something like that in the past or we did it a certain way and it didn't feel good, and we want to stay comfortable, which means we don't want to do any of that.

SPEAKER_00 6:12

Yeah, because to them it's like a switch where you go from just having a natural conversation to, oh, I got to switch to salesperson or something like that.

The Real Block Behind Inaction

Coaches Get Stuck Too

SPEAKER_01 6:20

Yeah. And the best people who sell their programs and products, they are salesmen, but they are people who will really lead with just like what we do in our program. It's like heart first. I want to help people, I want to make an impact. This has changed my life forever. If this is something for you, awesome. If not, that's totally cool. But I I'm gonna say something because I don't want to make the decision for you, right? And so when you lean into that, that's a different perspective. Then you can get people to take action. And then you can figure out all the different things that you need to do. So the reason why I wanted to ask this question related to when your clients bring you something, what do you find is the actual problem? Most of the time, whatever they bring you is not the actual problem. You have to dive in deeper. You have to diagnose, you have to figure out what's going on in their brain. You got to figure out what some of these words mean. Like Teresa was saying, like, what does stuck actually mean to you? Because you don't know what you're dealing with. And if you think you do, you're making assumptions before actually going and having that conversation, right? I mean, this is also another conversation we were having with a client. She was making assumptions in terms of what people want, what they wouldn't want, who her potential clients could be. And it's like you can't make assumptions in that situation because a lot of times they're false. And even if they were true, the best way to figure this out is to just ask them, right? To just have a conversation with them to be able to figure it out. Because a lot of times our brain will make an assumption that's a false assumption because we don't want to feel uncomfortable. When we think about staying stuck, that's really what we think of when we're talking to our clients is what is the perspective or their story or the focus that they have in their brain that is preventing them from taking that action. And then what happens is when we show them, right? I like to say that we show them the mirror, they look in it and they go, Oh, wow, I can't believe that when I think that, that's the result that I create. What if I thought something different? And then we ask them some really powerful questions, we call it getting to the conscious side of the growth model. And by doing that, it like totally transforms it gets them to show up on a different level. And now they're taking different actions. And we can help brainstorm different actions for them to take. But if they weren't aware of what was actually holding them back, they wouldn't have been able to get unstuck. Which is where we want to take a dive into now what happens when coaches come to us. Ditto to everything we just said. Everything that is happening in your client is happening in your brain too. It's just that your brain, because you understand coaching, makes it harder for you.

SPEAKER_00 8:33

Explain that a little bit. Explain that.

Awareness And Outside Perspective

SPEAKER_01 8:35

Yeah, because because here's the thing. As you start to understand coaching, as you start to understand how your brain works, your brain now starts to use that against you. And it starts to be like, oh, well, no, like this is the situation. This is where you have a technical problem. You can't find clients. You can't, and what it does is it actually starts to beat you up in a way that gets you to live small again. And so here's the thing. When I think about what holds our clients back, I also think about this is the same thing that has the potential of holding me back. And so think about what is the solution for your clients. Solution for your clients is awareness. That awareness does not get captured from their own brain. I remember hearing this, it's like where you created the problem is not the same place where you're gonna find the solution. Because you're currently thinking in a certain wave capacity, and thinking over and over again is not gonna create anything different. It's gonna create more of what you currently have. This is where people get stuck. Our clients get stuck because they come, they spend six months with us, they're starting to transform, and they figure out I can figure this out on my own, and they go back to doing it on their own. I gotta tell you, like if you look at the numbers, the percentage of people who now everything has been unlocked after six months is very small, unfortunately. And by the way, I don't mean that you have to stay with the same person. I mean, sometimes it's like upgrading and finding somebody else, whatever that next level is, next focus, right? But it's constantly growing and elevating yourself and putting yourself into the situation that got you there in the first place. Now we see that for our clients, it's very easy. You can see when you have a health and fitness client, you help them lose like 30 pounds, or you have a relationship-based client, you help them create more connection with their family than they've ever created. And then they go back into their regular habits because they're not in that environment anymore. They're not getting your coaching, they're not being called out, they're not being called forward, they're not doing the thing that actually got them to where they want to be, and how quickly it actually deteriorates. Um, I was listening to Ed Milette today. He has a really powerful podcast, by the way. If you're not subscribed to that, definitely listen to Ed Milet. But he was talking about numbers. And what he was saying is he said, if you disconnect from the thing that got you to where you are, he said, it generally will take you anywhere between 90 to 120 days to really see the detriment to the results that you were trying to create. He's like, it doesn't happen overnight. You slowly get back into your old habits, and by 90 or 120 days, you see there's a total big difference between where you were and the back stepping that you had. But he said, in terms of the numbers, he's like, it's actually the opposite when you're investing or growing or finding that next level. It takes six months to a year of doing this consistent thing that will get you into a new place. And he said, first off, if you don't slow down to think about how far you've come in that six months or a year and what helped you get there, you won't realize how far you've come. But when you get to that point, your job is to go, what is that next level? What is that next thing for me to lean into? Because when you do that, now you start this process over again. As opposed to, I've seen this so many times. You lose 20 pounds, you gain 20 pounds. You lose 20 pounds, you gain 20 pounds. You lose 20 pounds, you gain 30 pounds. And it's this up and down because you're not continuing to plug into the system that got you to where you are.

SPEAKER_00 11:43

Right.

Why Progress Slips Without Support

SPEAKER_01 11:44

So when I think about this process of coaching, of getting help and getting support, one thing that I want to challenge a lot of people with, and I'm gonna challenge myself too, because I'll share with you the dad edge issue that I ran into, is that what got you to be able to level up, to grow, and to see things that you didn't see to help you get unstuck is the same thing you need to keep doing to keep elevating and getting to the next level. Now, some of you guys know that I'm on the leadership team in the Dad Edge, been on a couple podcasts recently. Larry is incredible, human, but we have an entire leadership team where we run what's called the Business Owner Brotherhood. Kind of like a group of men who are really successful business owners who want to have the same success when it comes to the connection with their family, with their wives, and with their kids. And so I was a part of this early on. I think I connected with Larry about, I don't know, eight, nine years ago. And I connected with him, got into his masterminds, started to get really good when it comes to like getting better at becoming a better father and a husband. Like I was way worse than I am now. I'm just gonna say that. But as I was going through this process, you know, we grew our business to the point where I could leave my job, you left your job, we're now able to be coaching full-time. I was creating groups that were like the dead edge, like this. And so I thought, I'm good. I am good to go. I'm going to just keep creating this, and that's all I need to do. And nine months later, I decided to get back into the program. And the truth is, is that I saw myself starting to slip in different areas. I saw myself reacting more instead of responding. Yeah. And I was like, I really feel like I lost something because I took a step back. Now it was important because now when I jumped in, I actually am now part of the leadership team and I get to teach and train. But the guys in there teach me more than I could ever teach them. I mean, even last week, you know, we've been going through some stuff with the surgery and stuff that you had. And I really leaned into the community and just leveled up like even some of my own thoughts about being there as a leader. And instead, I was able to, they were able to pour into me. But I'm just saying this because even though I've gotten to where I am, which I have much further than I want to go, but still, I still can convince myself to disconnect from that thing. Instead of realizing this is what got me here. And if I want to not get stuck, I've got to figure out well, is there a next level after this? Or how could I keep plugging into the things that I need that this thing is giving me to help me be able to elevate?

SPEAKER_00 14:05

Yeah. I think some people might think that when you're starting off with something like that, let's say something new, and you're being consistent and you're seeing progress, and then you're like, oh, okay, well, let me do this on my own, because we think that that's the way to success, that you have to do it on your own. And it's like putting training wheels on. You're learning something, you're getting your feet off the ground and everything. And then you feel like you need to take those training wheels off and just go for it. But it doesn't have to be that way, right? And I think that it's important that as humans, we're social beings and community is really important. And I think that that's true with personal development. You have that community. And if you can, if you can continue with that community and keep leveling up, please do that because it is really hard to do it on your own. It's not to say you can't, but it's very difficult to have conversations in your brain because, like you said, you know, if they created the problem in your mind, then you're not gonna find the solution. There's always outside perspectives and different angles that people can contribute to so that you can actually grow faster.

SPEAKER_01 15:13

Yep. Yep. I love what you said there because what I want to make sure that I don't communicate is that you'll be stuck forever.

SPEAKER_00 15:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:19

Like, no, you are a capable adult, you have a brain, you're gonna be able to figure it out.

SPEAKER_00 15:24

It's just a pattern.

Community Beats Doing It Alone

SPEAKER_01 15:25

It's a pattern, but also like how long are you gonna be stuck? Like, are you gonna be stuck for like a week until you get on a call or a couple weeks while you process this stuff? Are you gonna be stuck for years? I mean, I remember like a lot of the things that we were doing where we were repeating stuff over and over and over again, wondering like why isn't anything changing, right? It's because we were sold the perspective of just be here a year from now. And I was like, I was here seven years from now, like, and I've been working harder than I've ever worked, and nothing is moving, right? And it's being able to see that, but also understanding why you're stuck. And I need to be in a different room to be able to see that no, now I see why the reason why I was stuck is it was actually holding me back. Right. So, one more thing I want to bring up because it comes up often and it it's a difficult conversation to talk about, but I need to put it out there because I feel like a lot of people hold themselves back in this respect because they're not entrepreneurs. They're W-2 employees trying to be entrepreneurs or trying to be business owners, and they don't realize that this actually hurts them a lot. So, one thing that I have never been, and I'm so glad that I didn't have to deal with this one, is the whole added mindset of, well, I've learned how to coach or I've learned this thing. So once I find more clients, then I can keep investing myself in my business. Like, thank God, and I think it has a lot to do with me being a part of the dead edge early on, is that is not how success works. Success works as what's the next thing that I need to invest in. I was actually having a conversation with one of my clients talking about how much money their business made versus how much money they reinvested. In the early stages, it should probably be all of it. Because as you're growing and as you're getting better, you're now being able to solve more problems. You're being able to find more solutions, you're learning more, you're actually bringing more value to what you can do for your clients. If you stop growing, you say, I'm gonna stop growing right now and just stay where I'm at, well, then that's where you're gonna have like a hundred dollar sessions for the rest of your life because you're not growing into that next version. And so this is one of those things where I kind of want it to be a little bit of a challenge because if you have this thought of, I need to wait to invest in my business until I have more clients, good luck. Just tell me how that works because it did not work for me. And it definitely didn't work for a lot of the clients that we talk to because they come back to us like a couple years later and go, yeah, that didn't work. Now I'm not doing anything. Can you teach me how to coach again? I feel like it's frustrating, but at the same time, it's on me to call this out instead of being afraid thinking that I'm trying to like sell somebody on something. I'm like, no, I'm not saying that you have to do something with us. I'm saying that when you continue to grow, you bring more value and that value will translate into what clients will pay you. Yes. Right. And when you can see that as the actual thing, you continue to grow, you continue to get better, and you continue to show up as your best version of yourself, but also navigate some of this stuff.

SPEAKER_00 18:07

Yeah. And it's not just you're investing to get more coaching clients. When you're investing in yourself, you're also growing in a lot of different areas. So it's not just this narrow thing of just coaching. You're getting better at coaching or what have you. It's the full thing. It's every aspect of your life.

Invest In Growth Before More Clients

SPEAKER_01 18:27

Yep. Yep. That's one thing we talk about a lot is like, you know, starting off even a call with a positive check-in about like how has coaching impacted your relationship with your kids? How has it improved your health? How has it navigated difficult situations that not only have come up but are going to be coming up, right? And it's like those things we don't remember. We remember how many clients that I have right now. And the truth is, is I want you to have a ton of clients. And what we need to do in order to do that is to separate ourselves from everybody else because there's a million coaches out there, like we said, and we're not trying to make more coaches. We're trying to make people that can really like lean into the responsibility that they have as a coach. To not just, I'm gonna grow until this point and then I'll stop. And then once people pay me, then I'll keep growing. You are not gonna stand out in the crowd. You're gonna be like everybody else, and we don't want you to be like everybody else because you have a gift, you have something that you can pass on to people, a way to get them unstuck, a way that would change their life forever. And we want you to lean into that instead of leaning out of it. And whatever that looks like for you, that's what we want you to do. All right. Now here's the thing. We're getting close to the end here. And I just want to share this. First off, if something was stirred in you in this podcast, please don't ignore it. Please don't ignore it. It's time to lean in. Whether it's how you show up differently today, whether it's you taking a certain action, whether you teaching or training this, by the way, I find that's the best way that I really learn something is when I teach or train it to other people. It helps me to really level up. Obviously, if you need some help in this respect, that's what Teresa and I do, right? But we want to let you know that obviously we're not the only people who do this, but being able to manage your mind is incredibly important, but it doesn't mean that you do it alone. In solitude, you will make things harder. If you want to make them harder, go for it. If you don't, find somebody to help guide you through, whether it's us, somebody else, whatever that process looks like for you, but don't ignore it like it didn't happen because it did. And once you see it, you can't unsee it. All right, guys. Appreciate you so much for listening to another episode. Welcome back, by the way, beautiful.

SPEAKER_00 20:25

Thanks.

SPEAKER_01 20:26

All right, and we'll see you guys on the next show. Bye, everybody.

SPEAKER_00 20:30

Bye.