To Live List

Say It Aloud - A Conversation with Leah Nagley Robbins

• Delia Grenville • Season 2 • Episode 9

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This one’s for anyone who’s ever felt like they were too much or too early.  Leah Nagley Robbins joins me for a real talk on self-parenting, soul restoration, and why Gen X has a steely edge—but also needs to let some things go. We unpack a Facebook post that lit a fire under this whole convo, because sometimes, what looks like being too much is really just being first.

Leah and I dive into what it means to love yourself unconditionally, to stop carrying past identities like a badge of honor (or a weight around your neck), and to build a life that actually fits who you are now. We also talk about how easy it is to let judgment from others steer you off course—only to realize later that you weren’t wrong, you were just ahead of the curve.

And here’s the mantra that brought it all home: "I am not here to disrupt your world. I am here to fulfill mine."

Sit with that. What if, instead of looking back with regret or wishing your younger self had done things differently, you gave yourself permission to stand firm and trust that all can be well?

That’s what we’re unpacking today. So grab a coffee (or something stronger), settle in, and let’s get into it.


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intro (00:00):

Trust me, you don't want to miss Delia Grenville. This is to live list. By life and wellness, I'm saying it's what you really need. Sharing the life advice and good energy. Seeking, understanding amazing topics from Rants and Rambling. You'll be a fan, when you peep the channel, face your fears, overcome eternal battles. Let's go.

Delia (Host) (00:26):

Hey everyone. Welcome to another episode of the To Live List. I'm your host, Delia Grenville. Today I'm excited to share a great conversation with my friend Leah Robbins. Leah's one of those incredible multi-talented people. She's a writer, musician, civil engineer, and self-proclaimed mom nerd. She's been working in public transportation for much longer than the decade we've known each other. Leah has a unique way of finding community through music, whether she's performing, listening or singing. And today we dive deep into topics like creativity, family, and the often overlooked journey of learning to parent ourselves. In this episode, we talk about letting go of control, embracing change, and giving ourselves permission to live more freely. If you're up for some real talk insights and a few laughs, you're in for a great treat. Let's get into it. So Leah, welcome to the live list. I'm so glad to have you on.

(01:30):

I'm so glad you agreed to do this. I can't believe that you agreed to do this and that you sort of stuck around knowing that it was a possibility that I would one time shoulder tap you for some activity like this. But thank you for the support. Thank you for being an early joiner to the podcast and the live page and all of that. You are the first guest on what I call the wisdom unbox section of the podcast. So sometimes we have people on the ransom ramblings when we talk about the book. And then we do this look back thing where we look at other posts and we haven't really done what I would call the random, what random life lessons, which I am going to do. It's like a little self-indulgent thing that I'm looking forward to doing sometime, but I haven't gotten myself so organized. I'm trying to touch all the highlighted goals in terms of themes, and I'm just so excited to have you on to have a conversation with you. So welcome. So everyone, this is Leah Nagley Robbins. And Leah, just tell me a little bit about yourself and your background and things you'd like the listening audience to know.

Leah (Guest) (02:45):

Well, I like to say I am a writer, musicians, civil engineer, mom nerd. And yeah, I work in public transportation and I've known you for probably almost a decade, almost a decade. And I find a lot of community in music. So performing, listening, singing, all of those things. And that's the treetops of who I am.

Delia (Host) (03:20):

So we live in the Pacific Northwest. Have you been living here your whole life or here? What's that?

Leah (Guest) (03:27):

That's a good question. I was born here in Portland and I actually moved back and forth quite a bit between Portland and the San Diego area. So I'm the youngest of three, and I kind of like to describe that as I'm sort of a youngest and an only because of the way things worked out. So I moved back here by the time I was in high school, and I've lived here since, except for that freshman year at Boston University. So I love the Pacific Northwest. That's my roots.

Delia (Host) (04:04):

But also, and you're a little bit of a migrant too, basically based on what you said, right? You're, you're a bit of California, you're a little bit of obviously Pacific Northwest, and then you had a stint on the east coast.

Leah (Guest) (04:18):

Right? I do like to say that because of my time in Southern California, I still talk like a valley girl.

Delia (Host) (04:26):

Nothing wrong with that valley girl. That was a good movie, wasn't that from back in the day, I'll melt the World and dance with you. Is that Yeah, that's pretty much. And then Nicholas Cage, right?

Leah (Guest) (04:39):

Right. Yes. For those V shaped hairy chest, weird. I know there's

Delia (Host) (04:45):

Many, the whole thing. The whole thing. But I think a lot of people are into retro eighties now at these kids are, and they kind of want to think that they know more about the eighties than those of us who actually experienced it live, which is kind of insulting, but almost also what I did to my parents about the sixties. I claimed I knew their music better than them

Leah (Guest) (05:09):

Of those endearing those. Yeah, I wore my tie dye in the eighties and I also, I find it endearing that folks are now bringing back the styles that I've found horribly garish in the eighties. But yeah, what's old is new, and that cycle has that cycle of refreshing speeds up. I've found where that evolving retro, it's on a faster cycle than back when I was younger. Right.

Delia (Host) (05:44):

It's interesting though that you bring that up a sort of even a faster pace because I think part of it is because both of us are into music and performing, but it's because we have recorded stuff right now. We didn't have, so even when we were teens back in the dark ages in the other century, we would've had less recorded stuff available to us than teens do now. So I think there's sort of a pacing change as well as a volume change in terms of what's available, where we would've been like, oh, let's try to do the 1920s and then the forties and the sixties, they've got the twenties a hundred years ago, plus all of the recent 20th century plus 20 years on the 21st century, people are having retro two thousands parties now.

Leah (Guest) (06:50):

What even is that? Yeah, I know. It's like a blink of an eye.

Delia (Host) (06:54):

I still have some of those clothes in my wardrobe, so I say it's retro. I go, oops, maybe I should stop wearing this

Leah (Guest) (07:05):

Or just keep it long enough so that it's fashionable again.

Delia (Host) (07:08):

Yeah, that too. That too. That too. Oh my gosh. It's incredible though to see how time marches on and also to see the things that are changing and the things that persist and how that sort of affects how we experience what we're living through. For me, I see a lot of renaming of things,

(07:41):

And I don't know that that's necessarily good because I think we lose some of the context of the growth from going through it the first time around when you don't recognize it because it's got such a different name. It's almost like it has to be relived again. And I thought, anyways, that's just one of my thoughts around history repeating itself. And I think it's just sort of, if we think about the high school cafeteria or whatever, and we used to have cool kids and whatever kids and all of those groups, and then if you change all the group names around, then you might miss all the dynamics that we already grew out of. And I don't know about you, and I was hoping that kids wouldn't have to experience and they would experience another more elevated experience of the group dynamic. But I don't know, maybe it doesn't work that way.

Leah (Guest) (08:43):

And as you're describing that, it makes me think of in that renaming and the current description of whatever those groups are, and maybe this is the age old that parents just don't understand when we try to make that connection that this is similar to that. No, it's all different. It's not different, but maybe that's the human condition. You just have to experience enough of it in order to get to that point where you're making those connections with your elders.

Delia (Host) (09:20):

Elders. Oh my gosh, were the elders. Holy. No, I know. I try to get into cool conversations with my kids. I know something about that. I know something about that. And they're like, both kids are just, yeah, I'm not talking about that with you. I was like, I'm making so much effort to be part of their world. And it's like, no, not today, mom. Not today.

Leah (Guest) (09:52):

Yeah. I've gotten to an equilibrium with my daughter where I want to say, oh, that's just like this thing that I experienced. Or she's describing something that is 20 or 30 years old, and I try to go into the detail about it and she doesn't want my connection to it. And so I just sort of internalize and I make that connection for myself, and I smile and nod and her,

Delia (Host) (10:22):

Do you pat yourself on the back? Give yourself a little group hug, sing kumbaya.

Leah (Guest) (10:33):

I should try.

Delia (Host) (10:34):

Yeah. I think there's a lot of self assuring required in relating to younger folks nowadays. And also in relating to your own kids, there's a certain amount of steeliness that's required in conversations with young people who are your children. Because I feel like young people who are not my children are maybe semi-interested sometimes in what I have to say, but young people who you are responsible for, not so much. There's a certain type of steeliness that I wasn't prepared for and would swear to you that I was such an angel. My own mom didn't have to deal with that. But in retrospect, and because her siblings and my dad's siblings have said, what are you talking about? I realized they had to live through that too. So talk a little bit about that, that we have to have within us as we work with our own kids.

Leah (Guest) (11:51):

Well, there's a lot to say there. I'm thinking about which something that I think you've probably learned recently, maybe we're both learning at the same time. We have similarly aged kids

(12:08):

That I have learned to let go of my interpretation of what my kid's life is going to be. And I learned that I think a little bit earlier than many would learn when their kids go to college and maybe decide not to go to college. And they're like, what's happening with your life? And it was such a freeing time for me, a hard time, but a freeing time when I realized I am just here to help her be the person she already is. I am just caretaking this person who is growing and blossoming into the person she's always been and meant to be. But the moment of realizing that and thinking, realizing that I had those expectations that were my expectations and they weren't bad or they weren't over, I don't know, overbearing, overbearing, but still they were in my head. And so when I let go of that and realized that it was pretty dramatic, I mean it dramatically changing for me and a relief in a way that I could just be more open to understanding where she is going.

Delia (Host) (13:40):

It's interesting because you talk about that shift, right? There's sort of a shift that happens where you're like, oh, wait a minute. I'm not really in charge of much here. Right? I'm responsible for some things. I'm accountable for some things like getting you to places like school and whatever, federal and state things that we have to do and then whatever sort our own moral goals around feeding and caring and whatever. And everyone has their own views of that, but the actual beingness of who you are that you came with, and we all have to adjust to whatever that is. And I think this goes back to the earlier part of the conversation about the pacing of it. You said, I think it was something that people discovered when their child offspring young person went off to college, that the idea of the box they had of them was not the actual container of who the person was.

(14:51):

But I think with the internet and recording and technology and all the things we were talking about before, there's some acceleration to that now. And sort of the dream or the timing that we had in our minds in the 20th century around what the pace of parenting was and how much time you had in that sort of, oh, that formation of whatever the family dream was and realizing your dream of it. It's definitely for shortened, I think, right? I mean, in some cases the recommendation is just don't even have the dream. Wait. There is no dream. And I think we weren't brought up with that expectation. So we're in that transition generation for us. We've got to embrace the new thinking and relinquish the old dream without having the preparation of that. So it's kind of like when you hold onto the old idea for too long and then you still have to embrace all the new ways of being. So we're kind of in that sandwich. I think it's an odd space to be.

Leah (Guest) (16:10):

Well, I think generation X is really the perfect place for that. We are the sandwich, the missing middle too, right?

Delia (Host) (16:20):

Yeah, I know. It's weird though because it, you kind of prepare yourself mentally in one way and you think, and plus with Gen X too, a lot of us waited long to have the kids thinking that we were going to have this experience, and then the entire experience changed. All the furniture in the room got moved around and they were like, oh no, you didn't even, no, there's no sofas here anymore. Bring your own folding chair. That's how we're running parenting now. And you're like, oh, how the heck? And that brings me to one of my favorite topics to talk about is when you come to that realization that really you are the caregiver or the caretaker, well, the caregiver and the caretaker of your family or your children, but you aren't any kind of, I wasn't saying that you said this, but we were shown Victorian authority and then go all the way to the 1960s and the sound of music and that kind of father does best and all of those kinds of things. Those things don't really hold anymore. And then you find yourself in that realization. And you said something there that touches on the topic that I want to speak about, which is you kind of then parented yourself because you couldn't go back in time. You can't get that lesson, hi, Leah, 14 years old when you have a child, blah, blah, blah. Because no one imagined parenting being that way. So you had to self parent at that moment. What was that like?

Leah (Guest) (18:04):

I think, of course, this is me looking in the rear view mirror, and it was super hard at that time with a bunch of circumstances. But there was this enormous relief in realizing that it not all, not that it wasn't all my responsibility, but that I actually didn't have the control that I think a lot of parents might hold onto thinking that there is control in the future. And maybe that's also part of a personality quirk for someone who likes to control environments, but realizing that fundamentally there is no control there and you are a guide. And so I found relief in relinquishing that sense of the need for control.

Delia (Host) (19:06):

And how long did it take you to have that conversation with yourself, right? Like Leah, you're okay, you're still a good parent, you're just going to let some things go about your own ideas about parenting. How long did it take you to walk yourself through that conversation?

Leah (Guest) (19:27):

I think it was probably over a year. And again, you're experiencing it, but being able to reflect on it takes some more time. And I think it was the arc of experiencing it, reflecting on it, and then being able to say, oh my gosh, that's actually a relief. And then I think making that connection that this is a thing that I'm just experiencing earlier than other parents might, that we all should experience it. We should realize that our kids are who they are meant to be, and we just need to support them.

Delia (Host) (20:18):

And I don't know if that would be under the old moniker of ready to launch because I don't know if people let go of their ideas of their vision of what the kid was going to be like at that point. I think that's more like a financial thing and a survival thing as opposed to, as you said, sort of relinquishing to I'm here to support you in you being whoever you're going to be. But I also think it's so, because I think up until our time in education, there was a lot of formation in the sociological area around not being just a parent, but giving a role called parenthood. Not just being a mother, but they had a whole designation, motherhood or father and fatherhood similarly. So we were sort of brought up in the mindset that our identity, our adult identity was also tied not to just being a parent, but delivering on this thing called parenthood. And it's interesting because I think that is also being dismantled. We haven't had time to reflect now, but that's also being dismantled real time as we're living through it.

Leah (Guest) (21:45):

And I say I'm grateful for that because that is a construct that is well worth blowing up or dismantling among others because of the individuality that is not valued. I think if you're not within that confine, and I know you've had a long career working while your kids were young, as have I, and the boxes were still there. You can be everything you want to be, but it's going to be really hard and you're probably going to fail at parts of it because it is so hard to be the best mom, the best technologist, the best engineer,

Delia (Host) (22:36):

The best neighbor, the best, whatever those parent volunteer things are, et cetera, et cetera.

(22:44):

And there was a lot of pressure. There was a lot of pressure that I think was in those roles, defined in those roles and living your life at the same time. And so when you said it was a relief, just I wrote down like pressure, and then relinquishing is also a word around freedom and then release. There's some release in that. And I know a lot of people, I hope they listen through the podcast, but I know some people are like, are they going to be talking about parents? I'm not a parent. I hate people talking about kids, but I'm telling you, I'm trying to tell people, no, no, let's talk about self parenting. We have all been parented and we all need to parent ourselves and the kids that we talk about, they're there, but more as props. So what we can have some constructive conversation, but really I think what we realize as we go through life is we're here to parent ourselves.

(23:44):

And I think one of the things that happens in our conversations in the way the world has been shifting, at least in our North American westernized experience is I now have the freedom to tell my kids, oh, no, no, no, no. Delia has no more capacity to do this today. Just not doing it. I am not doing it and I don't have to apologize. I'm not doing it. I need to regroup. I don't have to medicate myself with some substances in order to push through or just choke down my anger, upset, frustration, tiredness, whatever. Because part of what in dismantling this idea of parenthood and the other motherhood and other identities, actually as you said, we get to be, not only do they get to be individuals, but we also get to claim our individuality.

Leah (Guest) (24:47):

Absolutely. And I think to your point about folks who are not parents, but we're all self parenting that may me really connect back to so many folks who may not have experienced unconditional love. We get the chance to do that for ourselves, whether we're conscious of it or not. The more we recognize that no matter who we are, we should feel good about who we are and do the things that make us feel good.

Delia (Host) (25:23):

I agree. And I think that is the biggest part of the self parenting is realizing that you are not dependent on some outside person who's responsible for your welfare and stuff to give you what you need to fulfill your purpose, your soul's needs, whatever. Because I think it not used to still does, causes a lot of resentment in that relationship, that growing up relationship with the adults who support you because you're sort of like, well, they can't read my mind. They're not giving me what I want. They're giving my sibling or something else that I needed more hugs, I needed more this. And there was no way to sort of separate their ability to support you from your own needs, from your voicing of it and not being in a judgment kind of way. But I think there's going to be more of that sort of showing up in the relationship with parenting, showing up in the relationship with how you get out of your childhood into your adulthood. And I wonder, and I think too, somebody will say this when they listen to this, they'll say it wasn't missing. Part of why it disappeared was we had this global colonization around these one set of ideas and there's all of these other sort of communal, tribal community, different ways of relating to that responsibility that wasn't financial or industrialized or whatever has happened to us. And so kids did have a different way of interacting and parents also had way of a different way of getting their personal space and having their own growth

Leah (Guest) (27:24):

Back. I think to that dismantling one set of values for how that works. I know that you and I both have experienced what it's like to follow your own interests and how that basically, I call it soul restoration, whether it's through music or other personal passions. It's brought me both joy for myself but then also allows me to be present in the spaces that I need to be, whether it's professionally or as a parent.

Delia (Host) (28:02):

And I mean soul restoration too. We don't call it that. We don't call those things that I think the way that we name them prevents people from doing them. They don't realize that's what they are. Outside activities, extracurriculars, things that aren't in the budget or something that's not related to your career. They have all these weird names that are demean them as opposed to elevate them. And I haven't done one of those soul restoring things that hasn't benefited my W2 because you come back better for it or it hasn't benefited my parenting or of myself of those whom I'm responsible or relationships or something. You get so much insight from that journey and it's not selfish. And I think also you get a lot of people, where do you find the time to do those things? I think it's selfish, but it's not pouring into yourself as restorative so that you can be there for others.

Leah (Guest) (29:18):

For example, for my band, it used to be Sundays four to six and that's two hours and then maybe a little bit more for travel time, but creating together, being social together, but being with each other, holding space for each other, such a small amount of time, but over a decade, that builds up such a muscle that I've relied on. So I don't go to church. That was kind of my church for me. It's truly that's how I built my heart muscles, my soul.

Delia (Host) (30:02):

Your appreciation too for being on the planet, for having a body, for being able to create all those things that you're supposed to get in that service of communion and community and not saying anyone, anything to anyone who goes to church or goes virtually to church or everyone should do this their own way. That whole sort of churchy experience that you want to come out with after a really great homily and listen to the preacher say something that's meaningful to you or the imam or the rabbi or wherever you participate, having something meaningful said to you, you can get that from other places, but it's recognizing it. I think what you just said, there's a difference, is recognizing that thing that people describe that fulfills us and that you can get through this institutionalized or approach. You can get in so many other ways, but naming it is really the challenge or knowing what it is so that you don't miss it.

(31:15):

I think a lot of times that's what happens. You're doing something and you don't know that's something you're doing and then you stop doing it and then something is awry months later and you're like, oh, it's because I stopped doing that thing that was connecting to this thing. I thought I could just get rid of that. No, no, you need it. You need it. Alrighty. So I think one of the things that was interesting and how you sort of got trapped, she laughed. The evil laugh was I had posted on my page thanks to all of those who participate in the community. If you don't join us on Facebook at Paige Delia Grenville and you can join us there or you can go on my website delia grenville.com and join from there. But I had created this post, it was called Keeping It Real. I'm going to read it for those folks who will be listening to this at some point in a car and won't be able to do this live.

(32:29):

But the post said, keeping it real, I stopped doing so many things that were right for me because of people or circumstances only to find out years later that I was just going first, going first being ahead, pioneering, innovating, whatever you want to call it can look crazy or wrong, even disruptive or oddball. Instead of getting curious, I took words of judgment so seriously by allowing the words to have too much weight and overpower my decisions or my choices that is possible. During my recent time off, a mantra appeared in my thoughts. I am not here to disrupt your world. I'm here to fulfill mine. Powerful gift yourself these words, nevermind, wishing or if only about your teens or your 20 self. Instead, set aside the judgments. Now create your foundation and grounding to stand firmly knowing all can be well give life, its time to unfold.

(33:50):

So I'm not here to disrupt your world. I'm here to fulfill mine. And I remember, Leah, that you responded to this post, ha ha ha. No one will respond to posts anymore. You're like, was just thinking about this. Can we talk? And I said, Leah, we can unpack it on a live session. And then here we are. I know we've kind of been circling around the topic and I wanted to pull that theme back in from the post that got us to book this time together. But it's a really big thought, right? I'm not here to disrupt your world. I'm here to fulfill mine. So I'll let you sort of talk about what that brought up for you and how that showed up.

Leah (Guest) (34:41):

Well, for me, it connected with the sense of the things. Well, let's see. Let me collect those thoughts back. I think I had described before about youngest and only, and I think spending a bunch of time on my own, I got used to just doing things my way. And when you talk about stopping doing something because of external judgments or disruption, and only to come to find out that you were just ahead of the game. I'm of course trying to think of perfect examples, but there's been so many times in my life where because I have not been vocal, haven't proselytized about something I think is really important or I'm doing something this way because I'm going to save the world.

(35:45):

I have just lived my life thinking that if I'm sort of in the words of Dr. Franken Ferter, right? Don't dream it, it just living by example. Then others would see what learn those lessons themselves. And then when they haven't been picked up, I've retreated. And again, it hasn't been defeating later to come to find out that I stopped doing something that others have then become proselytizing about. And I knew that 10 years ago. And so does me talking about it now mean that I'm just trying to jump back on that bandwagon or how do I remedy that in the future? How do I stop stopping myself and also be more vocal or open about the things that are important to me even if they feel like they're a little out there? An example of that might be my plan for the future. I talk about it as my commune without the crazy where I'm planning to turn my property into a cottage community because it's affordable housing for more people. It's an example of aging in community and it's a little wacky, but it's my dream, right? And I found that the more I talk about it with people, it's like people are connected to it. A lot of people get it. Some people think there's some judgment

(37:36):

From some, but I feel strong enough now as my individual self to not be shut down by other people's judgment.

Delia (Host) (37:49):

They always say the dream wouldn't come to you unless you didn't have all the tools to make it happen. And I think a lot of times we don't really know that early in life or we do. And some of us shrink away from it and some of us walk into that, walk into the light, not that light, but we walk into it and say, yeah, I have this dream, I have this ability. I'm going to do it. And then you have to deal with all of the naysayers. So I like to go to sports and I think about if you're Serena or Venus Williams, people are like, you're not going to be able to do that. You're from Compton, but you've got the dream and you've got to listen to all the chatter outside of it to move forward. And a lot of us have that experience, but most of us don't have the experience of moving past the chatter.

(38:41):

So because we pause, then we kind of feel like we're in this other weird place. As you said, I said that, I did that, I knew that. And they're just sort of like, why are you trying to get on a bandwagon now? Where were you? Listen, because whole self, you kept yourself to yourself. There's this great anecdote that was in the Michael Jackson, this is something, I can't remember the title as the film. And he wakes up Kenny Ortega at 2:00 AM and Kenny Ortega says, this happened on the regular. And he would say, Mr. Jackson, it's 2:00 AM. And he would say, yes, I don't tell you this. Now God will give the idea to Prince.

(39:28):

And I think a lot of us don't have that feeling. You know what I mean? When you get the idea, I mean, some of them obviously don't act on every idea you have obviously know what is a thought versus just some crazy thing floating in your brain. There are differences, right? You don't take action on everything. But what comes to you meditatively to your soul as something to do. We don't call our Mr. Ortega at 2:00 AM and say, I got this. I need you. Let's execute. We're sort of like, maybe I was, I lucid sit. And then we tell it out loud to a few people and they don't work for us like Kenny Ortega did for Michael Jackson. So they tell us it's crazy. And we don't do the Richard Williams saying, I don't care if you think I'm crazy. I am having two children and they're going to be the next tennis champions.

(40:27):

Wait, how is that even possible? The children were not even, anyway, so all of that, we don't do that. We don't see enough of that role model as what we're here to do. I think that is specifically what we're here to do. We're not here to fulfill these pipelines. So many engineers, so many doctors, so many government people, so many, no, I mean, who made that up? That's wackadoodle. We're here to be ourselves and contribute to this amazing mosaic of life. And because for some reason they run this planet with money. We might have to take these weird jobs in order to get the money thing down, but we should never wash the US thing. I love your community, old people Kitz commune, what hippie place that you're planning to create? Because why shouldn't you be able to redefine what it is or what it means to be in the old folks' home,

Leah (Guest) (41:42):

Right?

(41:44):

Yeah. And there's no, there's these Venn diagrams of all of the different things. It's not just about aging, it's about community. It's about maintaining friendships and being creative. And again, the people I'm imagining living here building their own equity, they're fun, creative people. So I'm looking forward to it and I've got my project management happening. It'll go. But as you were talking about Ortega and others, it's not only the people we talk to who got like, you're crazy what we are our own voices of you're crazy. And some of us have more of that voice than others. And some of us worked a long time to try to silence that voice. And some of us are better at silencing it than others. So that's part of the work too, is to remember that we're good enough and not every idea is the most important thing, but we should keep following them.

Delia (Host) (42:57):

And I like what you're saying there too about this, the voice within us, the we're good enough. Because sometimes the way that we talk to ourselves, we would never talk to someone for whom we are responsible or accountable for others. I mean, we be ourselves. We are not nice to ourselves. Who was that? And that is the part that needs to be parented because no one parent's like that. If that was a parent responsible for an individual, that naughty little voice would not be talking like that because the authorities, the school teachers and people observing would say, what the heck? That is inappropriate. That's the word my kids like inappropriate. But that would be inappropriate. So I think that too is something to work on and it is something, it's definitely part of the human condition. But we do speak to the mind now more than when we were growing up and coming up that we actually say there is this thing called the mind. You don't always have to listen to it. And it does internalize some of the voices of authority, et cetera, in ways that service you at one point, but don't service you for the long run. And we have ways of formulating that and enough people understand that, those ideas to be helpful. But you're right, that's again where the self parenting comes in, is to recognize I'm holding myself back.

(44:36):

I'm stopping myself and not to do the externalized they thing. Those people are the ones who said, blah, blah, blah, now they're doing it. No, because really, you could always just be Michael Jackson calling up Kenny Ortega and getting it down. You got the idea, move forward. And having that courage to do that, or the Williams or whoever, Celine Dion, I mean, wow, that's a story. Someone mortgages to their house to take a risk on your career, and you deliver full-heartedly on that possibility and that dream, that means that you don't let that negativity pull you back. And I know all of these stories and people have their own other side to them, but that's the other thing, right? As we all do the railway track, and this is not me, this is Rick Warren from Purpose Driven Life, but we're always on that. The train.

(45:37):

If you think about life as a train going on the railway path, there's always one rail that's the good, the happy, the whatever. And there's also the other rail, same train working at the same time. They're equal. They're distance of the gauge of the railway, and they are. And it's got all these little bad things happening to it. That's how life is, right? Obviously there's some luck, some great people who might come along and say, Hey, hey, don't listen or do listen or help you move aside one way or the other. So I think though we're coming up on time here. See, it goes real fast. I know it does. And I wanted to ask you if there was anything else you wanted to say, and if there was anything during this time that sort of bubbled up for you as how you would encapsulate what's on your to live list? So not the things that you got to get done and not the bucket list things. You're not dying yet. I mean, we're all dying metaphorically, but there's no sense of urgency since you're making an aging in play song. What's on your to live list?

Leah (Guest) (46:51):

So it's a continuation of the idea that I'm good enough to do the things that I want to do. So right now, that means writing. And there's so many aspects where that voice for me rears up and says, what do you have to say? And so I am working on not shutting that voice down, but basically trying to not let almost fear of success stopped me from trying to do things. So yeah, that's what I'm working

Delia (Host) (47:30):

On. You should also ask that voice. What do I have to say? What do you have to say right then? And then flex on it. If you don't have anything to say except for, what do I have to say? You just need to sit quietly in your corner. Right, right.

blank (47:48):

Yeah,

Delia (Host) (47:49):

Just a little bit of that. Anyway, so if people want to know more about Leah, when the show notes come out, we'll drop some stuff on the bio. I'm excited to see how this living in place home is going to come together. I know you come from a great background, as you said at the very front of the hour about building things in public transportation. So this is an ongoing part of your ability to build and program manage and all of that and create. And then I also think when you were talking about it, I was saying, I hope there's going to be a recording studio on the grounds. That's a must.

Leah (Guest) (48:36):

Well, I would say that in the common space, the design elements are incorporating the performance space aspect. So concerts, poetry, readings, whatever.

Delia (Host) (48:50):

There'll

Leah (Guest) (48:51):

Be great parties.

Delia (Host) (48:52):

Oh, that would be great. And I hope then sometimes you'll sell tickets and outside people can come. I remember before my mother, she's deceased, she left us in 2017, but she had this burning desire for the last couple of years of her life to, she says to go to a speakeasy and to read her stuff, her stuff that she had. So I think that's a part of the aging experience. So I can see how the performance room would actually get used because people have that desire to share out their souls. I think that would be really cool. I like that. This, I'm envisioning it. Does the place have a name yet that you're able to share?

Leah (Guest) (49:38):

Yeah, I call it the Nest.

Delia (Host) (49:40):

Okay, cool.

Leah (Guest) (49:41):

Cool. Yeah. Yeah. It's sort of in the round. It's surrounded by fur trees and Nest is like, it's home. It's nurturing. Yeah.

Delia (Host) (49:55):

Awesome. Awesome. Great. Okay, well, Leah, thanks so much for your time today and I appreciate you coming on to live list, and we'll have you back when you have more to share about the Nest and what's going on with you. We didn't even have an opportunity to talk about your current budding business as a solopreneur, but love to hear more about that and hope you have a great weekend and you can connect later.

Leah (Guest) (50:24):

Thank you so much, Delia. It's great to talk to you.

 

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Delia Grenville

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