The REALationship Method
The REALationship Method is a comedic podcast about dating, relationships, and advice, blending tips with plenty of tangents. With stories and experiences shared by the cast and guests, it offers cautionary tales to help you avoid making the same mistakes. So sit back, relax, and maybe learn a thing or ten!
The REALationship Method
Difference Between GF and Wife Behavior, Advocating on Committed Partnerships, and the Evolution of Personal Love Languages w/ Tia Mailani
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What happens when a driven Hawaiian model with dreams of becoming a pediatric oncologist opens up about love, cultural identity, and finding her match? Mailani Kekkuewa brings refreshing honesty to this conversation about navigating the modern dating world while maintaining ambitious career goals.
From representing indigenous women through pageantry to appearing in Disney+ and Amazon Prime productions, Mailani's multifaceted life offers unique perspectives on what truly matters in relationships. She shares how growing up primarily raised by women shaped her expectations, and why she's learned to seek partners who match or exceed her ambitious mindset.
The discussion takes fascinating turns through cultural dynamics of dating in Hawaii, the evolution of personal love languages, and why emotional intelligence has become her non-negotiable in potential partners. After experiencing relationships where she took on both masculine and feminine roles, Mailani explains her revelation: "The next man needs to put me in my feminine energy, because I'm tired of being both a man and woman in the relationship."
We dive deep into how therapy has transformed her approach to emotional baggage, the difference between girlfriend and wife behavior, and why she advocates for more committed partnerships over casual arrangements. Her story about meeting her current "reserved" California love interest organically (after swearing off dating apps) provides hope for authentic connections in our digital age.
Whether you're seeking insights on balancing career ambition with romantic fulfillment or simply enjoy candid relationship talk, this episode delivers wisdom, laughter, and compelling stories about finding your match while staying true to your cultural roots and personal goals. Subscribe now and join our growing community of relationship-minded listeners!
• Growing up in Kaneohe Kahaluu and maintaining strong connections to Hawaiian heritage
• Pursuing a degree in genetic cell and developmental biological sciences while studying for a real estate license
• Finding purpose in pageantry from age four and using it to represent indigenous women
• Working on various TV shows including Disney+'s Doogie Kamealoha and Amazon's I Know What You Did Last Summer
• Evolving from gift-giving to physical touch and words of affirmation as primary love languages
• Shifting from masculine energy to feminine energy in relationships
• Learning the importance of finding a partner with equal or greater ambition
• Prioritizing education before dating in high school to stay focused on long-term goals
• Dealing with emotional baggage through therapy and personal growth
• Distinguishing between girlfriend and wife behavior in relationships
• Moving away from small-town mindsets to find partners who match big goals
Introduction and Guest Welcome
Speaker 15, 4, 3, 2, 1. Welcome back to another episode of the Relationship Method Podcast. It's your boy, chris, and today I have a lovely special guest and she goes by Mylenni.
Speaker 2Mylenni Kek.
Speaker 1Yay, yay, tia, my Lenny Keck. Yay, welcome and thank you for Coming on this Motherfucking show. I do appreciate you, girl. Before we Start going in, how did I get the yes from you?
Speaker 2I looked at your Previous podcasts and then also I thought you were local also, if I wasn't local, it was a, it was a deal breaker no, just because I feel like locals have a certain amount of respect for each other, uh-huh, so the vibe is better, but also, like I said before we started, your vibe is very positive. Oh, so I, of course, so I'm glad I said yes, oh well girl, I acknowledge the compliment.
Speaker 1Thank you so, so much. And girl, speaking of local, let me oh shit, oh, it's not broken Insurance. Speaking of local, and you and I talked prior to this shit. Yeah, I do look local, local, but when I open my mouth it's a whole, totally different scene do I sound local to you? Yeah, when you said to you yeah I heard that hoe the, the use like um and don't take it the bad, don't take it a wrong way, but it was like a. It felt like it ended like a question.
Speaker 2The emphasis yeah.
Speaker 1Yeah, yeah, just like Hispanics, like when they talk it was like da-da-da-da-da-da and I'm like oh.
Speaker 2I was like I always do like yeah no. That's how I end a lot of my sentences, really, yeah. Oh open-ended.
Speaker 1My definition never ends. Oh, it doesn't, it doesn't. That's that Kaneohe education. Oh girl, and where are you coming from today?
Speaker 2I'm from Kaneohe Kahaluu Ooh yeah.
Speaker 1Spell that the Kahaluu.
Speaker 2K-A-H-A-L-U-U.
Speaker 1Oh, see, you almost messed up there, I heard the K. K, k. So it's not K, it's K. No, no, no, no, no, no, I'm not knocking, I'm not knocking, I'm not knocking, I'm just saying no, I heard it Like, I noticed. I heard, yeah, I noticed, I heard, yeah, the way I pronounce my K yeah, yeah, okay, yeah, sounds uh, no, no, no, I'm not again, I'm not knocking. No, you're good, you're good, I'm finna get canceled.
Speaker 2Today we can dog on each other okay, cool, cool, cool.
Speaker 1Oh, don't get me going, girl. Oh yeah, don't get me going. Um, okay, so you're coming from that side, was it traffic?
Speaker 2yes it took me an hour to get here what's the usual time um, I come out here for church so I go to waikele inspire young adults and it takes me, like during traffic hour, like maybe 50 minutes, but today there was like three accidents. So it's like it's a saturday. Why am I taking an hour to get to waipahu right now?
Speaker 1right girl uh, back on the mainland um in california, specifically when there was an accident. I'm one of those motherfuckers that would like find the nearest exit and just go home. It kind of sucks because it's like I'm missing out on something. But then I'm like man, fuck this accident, I'm not wasting any more time I'm taking my shoes off.
Speaker 2Well, also, traffic in California is bad as it is already so putting an accident in that is going to just add like two hours to everything.
Speaker 1Facts. You ain't lying Girl. Are those eyes natural? Yes, oh my God, y'all motherfuckers Are in trouble. I bet you Mama said I was like Girl Daddy, gotta watch after her, gotta watch after her. I see a ring on your finger. Does that mean anything? Or is it just?
Speaker 2This is a family heirloom. Oh my god, that's cool this was from my Grandfather to my grandma, so every Birthday or holiday I get a new family heirloom.
Speaker 1They have a lot of jewelry like that.
Speaker 2Yeah, so my grandfather was kind of a thug. I call him OG Papa because he was down with the shit. So he bought my grandma a lot of jewelry. So I get, this is also well, this is from my great grandma, but I have a lot of family heirlooms on me right now.
Speaker 1That's pretty. You say great grandma. So you met your great grandma.
Speaker 2Yeah, I was alive with my great grandma before she passed away.
Speaker 1Really, how old was your great grandma, if you don't mind me asking when you met her?
Speaker 2When I met her. I don't mind me asking when you met her?
Speaker 1When I met her, I don't remember, oh, because you know grandmas be like 20 nowadays and great grandmas be like 30, 40, you know my grandma right now.
Speaker 2I think she's going to be 71 this year 71?. Mm-hmm. She is literally one of the most important people in my life her and my mom. Aw. Yeah, they both raised me.
Speaker 1You were raised by women.
Speaker 2Yes.
Speaker 1Cool, no man.
Speaker 2My dad was dealing with his own stuff. But now me and my dad have a really good relationship. We put in the work to better our relationship so I kind of talk about it a little bit on my social media.
Speaker 1But yeah, now I have a stepdad and dad and I will I call my stepdad dad and my dad daddy. Oh, oh, cool, hey, that's cool. Um, I was raised, uh, by my dad, primarily, so, uh, yeah, oh, my god, we're like kind of vibing. We're vibing my shit turned off. Uh, pause, I'm going to let it run. Let me change the battery out.
Speaker 2Ain't that a bitch right? We don't know when we got cut off.
Speaker 1I know right, but I got this right here. B-roll Whoa. Oh my god, sorry, don't care, but sorry it happens. You know Murphy's live. Tony, expect the un-ex-motherfucking bitch. Are you ready, ms Mai?
Speaker 2Yes.
Speaker 1Cool, and there we go. Oh, that's going to be an edit for sure. Okay, cool. And then you graduated high school, I'm assuming right. Are you going to school right now? Yes, yeah, yes. College, or is it like a vocational training school?
Speaker 2So I'm studying for my real estate license.
Speaker 1Ooh, go ahead, girl Get it.
Educational Ambitions and Cancer Research
Speaker 2Yes, a vocational training school, so I'm studying for my real estate license. Go ahead, girl, get it. Yeah, and I'm also at arizona state university I'm studying um genetic cell and developmental biological sciences. Why that? I want to be a pediatric oncologist, so it in order to be, like, well prepared for med school. I wanted to go into a focus similar to cancer research.
Speaker 1Word. Hey, that's dope as hell. You don't hear a lot of kids saying, oh, I want to do, oh, um, bio-nuclear physicist shit. You know what I'm saying? Like, I'm just saying, yeah, you don't hear that stuff. What road made you go there?
Speaker 2Growing up, I always had like I felt like it was a calling, like from when I was really little.
Speaker 2I was put into pageants at four and they used to do this thing called career runway, Okay, and I think I was probably like four or five in the picture, but I'm literally holding a baby and I'm in a doctor's outfit cute and then when I was like 11 or 12, my auntie came down here and she was getting treatment for brain cancer, okay, so while she was here I went to see her and she was like you know be the change that I would want. So she's, you know, we're talking about it and stuff and she already knew that I wanted to be a doctor. I wanted to be a pediatrician, just a basic, um, general care provider. And when she said that I was trying to put the two together and I was like I don't know if I can deal with that though, like like kids and cancer in one.
Speaker 2But then in high school I was in the medical pathway in high school too. So they offered like additional education for the medical pathway and, yeah, we just came up with the career of becoming a pediatric oncologist. I came up with that with my main teacher for the courses. Really.
Speaker 2Yeah, and honestly, it's something that I never really knew had like a title, because I was like, yeah, I want to be a cancer doctor, but I was like, but I also want to be a doctor for children. So we just combined the two.
Speaker 1Oh, that's cool. You had, I guess, a mentor to look up to to do that. Back in my day it was just more of man. I'm just trying to graduate high school. Yeah. So it's cool that you were super ambitious at a young age. Was there times where you were like yo fuck this, I'm not doing this no more.
Speaker 2I had a lot of moments like that, but also shout out to Miss Ueta for pushing me on this path. Yeah, so when I was going, I was actually at Shamanan University down here hey okay. Yeah, and I had a full ride scholarship through the Ho'oulu Scholarship Program and my first year, second semester, I ran in Miss LaVite 18, usa, and I won. So it was like I was balancing everything plus being a pageant girl. And then I got COVID.
Speaker 2And that was exactly the same time that we were going back in person. So I had to medically withdraw from that whole semester because they weren't allowing me on campus, because it was like the peak of covid and they thought covid lasted a month during that time. So I was like damn. And then, you know, that moment I was like I don't even know, like that's an extra semester to my four years. That means I have to pay out of pocket for one semester Chaminade's not cheap, you know. And then my 2022, that's two years, my sophomore year or junior year. I got a concussion and I had to medically withdraw for a whole year. Oh, damn.
Speaker 2So that's why after my four years so my scholarship was good for four years. But when they say it's good for four years, it's good for that amount of years from when you get it. So I got it in 2020 and expired in 2024 and I was already a year and a half behind. So, and then, on top of that shaman, I'd added more, um, like more courses that you needed to have in order to graduate and so that would have put me back two years.
Speaker 2so I was like that's six years in college and I was like I don't know if I can do this anymore. And I was like at a point where I was thinking, okay, I'm gonna get my real estate license and if it takes off, then I'm just going to take a break from school. It's not like I'm not going to do that, because that's always been my biggest goal in life is to become a doctor. So I'm a first generation if I graduate first generation college graduate.
Speaker 1Wow, persistence is a motherfucker, ain't it?
Speaker 2But I can't really say that because my stepdad got his master's. But before that, like in my immediate family, like in my bloodline, I would be the first generation to graduate.
Speaker 1Hey, that's what's up. A major accomplishment, hell yeah. And this whole modeling, yeah. Yeah. This whole modeling thing. You said you got on it way early. Right, what kept you in it? If you don't mind me asking like, yeah, we're gonna get a little deep here so dig, girl dig when my dad was out of my life.
Speaker 2I wanted something to do with my mom okay, so that we could bond, and pageantry was something that I had an interest in. There was toddlers and tiaras on tlc back in the day and I used to and yeah.
Speaker 2So my mom put me in my first pageant and it became something where we could bond off of, and then my love for being able to pop to do public speaking like came from that. And then also being able to represent indigenous women and go to nationals where there's like 50 to 100 other girls and you're being able to speak for your people, and I think that's so important. Visualization and representation is so important, so that's kind of what got me into modeling was pageantry at first, and then yeah, and then also being able to, you know, be the representation for other brands native Hawaiians, polynesians I think it's really unique how much talent comes from such a small state.
Speaker 1Facts yeah, oh snap, whoa, whoa, I'm with a celebrity. Have you ever been on tv yet? Yes, I have. Oh my gosh, sign my bra, sign my drawers. Girl, you said your bra, you got a bra. Yeah, hell yeah. Why not? A motherfucker can't have bra. It's called a tube top. No, but that's cool. Wait like TV shows or commercials.
Speaker 2Is it a local TV show? Do you know the movie? Well, you have kids, right? Yeah. Doogie Kamealoha on Disney Plus.
Speaker 1Dude, I tried getting them on here, but no, keep going, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2Okay, and then I was also on. I Know what you Did Last Summer, which was an Amazon Prime special. Shut your ass and then, like throughout the years, I've been on, like Hawaii Five-0. Uh-huh, what other shows I mean? I work with Hawaii Casting On Demand.
Speaker 1Oh, okay, so that's a casting thing, so it's not you going by yourself, it's them putting you out there. Oh, okay, okay.
Speaker 2But it's technically freelance work.
Speaker 1Yeah.
Speaker 2So it's not through my agency. So I am signed with an agency but I do a lot of freelance work because I get to keep my 20%.
Speaker 1Oh, dimes, dropping dimes. Hey, that's what's up. Girl. Girl, I don't even know you like that, but I'm super proud of your achievements and shit. Thank you so much. Oh my gosh, you know what I'm saying. You know what I'm saying, and a lot of guys, girls too. Are you single, taking, mingling, are you like app dating?
Speaker 2I've never been on apps.
Speaker 1She's organic y'all.
Modeling, Pageantry and TV Appearances
Speaker 2I mean, I downloaded Tinder once to find my ex cheating on me, but I made the picture him like it wasn't even a real Tinder, it was fake, just to find him because I knew he had it. I found it in his emails, so then I downloaded it just to see it so I could screenshot it. Anyways, I had to get my tweets but currently you're okay. You're just okay. Will he get? I'm reserved right now.
Speaker 1You're reserved on it guy girl guy okay, how am I supposed to know? I mean shit. I mean not to, not to bag, but I mean you got pretty women into.
Speaker 2I do have women in my DMs, though.
Speaker 1I mean shit, I got guys too.
Speaker 2Don't even worry about it oh, you know, when you have the opposite sex in your DMs then you're kind of something like boost yourself up. I kind of did something there. Thank y'all.
Speaker 1I do appreciate you all and I'm glad that we still connect.
Speaker 2All love, but I am completely straight.
Speaker 1Hey, okay, so you're reserved right now. Was this an organic meeting or was he a friend? First type of situation.
Speaker 2I went on a trip. Okay, okay, okay, to California you met him. Okay To California.
Speaker 1You met him on an airplane.
Speaker 2No oh.
Speaker 1I was going to say, ooh, that's cool.
Speaker 2I met him organically.
Speaker 1Okay, in Cali.
Speaker 2At his job.
Speaker 1He was serving you some Triscuits or some shit. No, wait at a job. Wait, cali, job At a strip joint.
Speaker 2We're not going to say too much, but it was a regular job.
Speaker 1Okay, so you met him at his job. He spit his shot, or you spit your shot. Or was it just mutual?
Speaker 2I think it was mutual, but I was at his job for three or four days straight. And then the last day he was like can I have your Instagram? And I was like at his job for four days straight, three or four days straight, oh. And then the last day he was like can I have your instagram? And I was like I was just about to ask you for your number, but okay okay, um, I'm gonna rewind it back four days straight.
Speaker 1That's a sign. Yeah, okay, cool, he noticed that sign um would nowadays is asking for someone's instagram. Is that like asking for someone's number?
Speaker 2no no no, because no, a number is more intimate. Yeah, yeah, so like I go out I, I go out with my cousin a lot, um, and just to get us both out of the house because we're both going through a lot, so to get out of the house, get out of that headspace. Um, when a guy asked me for my number, I go oh, I don't give out my number.
Speaker 2Okay, here's my instagram respectable but that's my way of being like. If you're gonna follow me on instagram and I don't even like you back, I'm not gonna follow you back oh you know, what I mean like yeah, and then if they're asking if guys come up to me, I'm normally really mean to them.
Speaker 1Oh, rbf, you got the face and you got the chin. Yeah, ooh.
Speaker 2Because I don't like how pushy guys are in the nightlife. I'm just trying to vibe Like I can be on the dance floor by myself and I'm like breaking it down, I'm skanking.
Speaker 3And you come up to me and try to ruin my vibe?
Speaker 1Hell, no.
Speaker 2Oh no, it's a me time?
Speaker 1Oh, definitely See, I would have done this. I would be like, oh, first I tried to find out what you're drinking, right? And I'm like, hey, just get one for her and that's it, that's it. And if you find me, and I'm like, oh, my God, it worked. And if it didn't, like, oh well, you know, there goes my eight dollars, but hey, she's having a great ass time.
Speaker 2I always tell everybody that I'm married when I'm out exactly that's that way.
Speaker 1Perception a motherfucking perception is a motherfucker you know what I'm manifesting it though manifesting getting married yeah by this reserved guy. Oh my god, she's throwing it out there in the universe. That's's fucking cool. That's crazy. She's going to have that white coat job. She's going to be married. Do you want kids? Do you want a dog? Are you a dog or a cat person?
Speaker 2I'm a dog person. I have two dogs right now.
Speaker 1What kind?
Speaker 2I have an English Cocker Spaniel he's a chocolate liver and I also have a rescue that I rescued from the Humane Society when he was eight months old. He only has half a brain. He's a pity mix.
Speaker 1Oh shit, no way All small, because I don't know what dogs you just named.
Speaker 2My English Hucker Spaniel is like this big.
Speaker 1Oh, good size.
Speaker 2He's like 20. He ranges, he gains weight he loses weight. You know he's like anywhere from 21 pounds to 27 pounds yeah and my pity is anywhere from well. Right now he's 50 pounds because my mom won't stop giving him treats I can see that my mom has her own dogs and she's been feeding him snacks. I'm like he's getting a little thick.
Speaker 1I can't carry him anymore oh thick hell yeah, you say half a brain, so like he can't, your dog can't sit or just can't follow simple demands like what's cerebellar hypoplasia?
Speaker 2oh, yeah, he was born with half half a brain okay, but functions like a normal dog, right I think he's more like a rabbit. He'd be humping things.
Speaker 1No, like he hops oh, is he a three-legged dog?
Speaker 2no, he got four legs oh but this motherfucker be hopping this yeah, he'd be hopping in the grass. I'm like that's fun though.
Speaker 1Let a dog be a rabbit if he wants to.
Speaker 2He said I identify as a rabbit right exactly girl, okay.
Speaker 1So, um, we talk about like guys in the club, right? So what's a um, what's a good casual, okay, you know what? Fuck that um. When I dm'd you to come on like how did you take it as first?
Speaker 2I thought you were very respectful, oh um, very professional and, to be honest with you, I don't even remember how I found your dm yeah because, like, I get a lot of inquiries in my dms but I don't always see them until later. But I saw yours pretty quickly, oh shit. I think within the week that you texted I saw it oh word, okay, thank you.
Speaker 1Text gods the algorithm right, or maybe I was on instagram oh yeah, at that time, and it popped out the same time yeah, wow, something like that.
Speaker 2I can't remember what, so it was kind of a while ago uh and it.
Speaker 1So the dm didn't come off creepy or like who the fuck is this cat?
Speaker 2no, and I also did my vetting on you because because I had a bad experience my first podcast, I wanted to make sure you were legit uh-huh yeah it helped that you look local okay, cool, um down with the brown.
Speaker 1You know what I'm saying. Hey, thank you tattoos. You know what I'm saying thank you brown skin popping? Hell yeah my headphones fall off. That's a first hell. Yeah, right, in that way, okay, um so, uh, we'll get into these questions now okay uh, sent from you know people that like your shit. Okay, um, as of right now, what's the worst male and female fashion trend?
Speaker 2you want to know something. When I went on this trip this past month, the california one, yeah, okay. I went to the mall and they're trying to bring back the knee-high converse lace-ups. I've seen that that has got to be the worst trend I've ever seen.
Speaker 1Wait, is it teenagers and adults wearing them? Because I think it looks cute on little yeah, kids yeah, but adults.
Speaker 2Adults. What are we doing? Why are we putting pants for our shoes?
Speaker 1that's a good one. That's a good one. I like she a comedian too, girl. So um that, and what else? How about for guys? What's up? What's it like?
Speaker 2guys be wearing those too. I'm like, can we not?
Speaker 1were they white people? Of course y'all gotta step up but y'all need to step down. I got a third time man. Hey, she wants to be a fucking jamba juice on my daddy. I'm getting that jamba juice today. Okay, oh man, no, okay, uh. Okay, give me another one besides the converse high shoes thinking wife beaters is a fashion statement oh, like a, like a guido wife beater, like you know from what's that show Jersey Shore. Like walking around In some jeans, in some, yeah, like why are we Dressing like that?
Speaker 2We have so many options now.
Speaker 1Yeah, like a white tee, right, like I like flossing the white tee.
Speaker 2Can you dress Like Classy or, you know, sexy? Like there's so many different styles.
Dating Life and Meeting "Reserved Guy"
Speaker 1Yeah, those are my two. Ugh, like you know sexy, like there's so many different styles. Yeah, those are my two. Like Ugh Like dog, take back your 1990s fucking doing, let's come into 2K, right.
Speaker 2I'm like why are we missing a shirt to go over that wife beater?
Speaker 1Right, oh my Lord, oh my Lord, mm-mm-mm.
Speaker 2Do better, y'all Do better, do Do better, do better, okay.
Speaker 1Next question is has your love language ever changed? Yes, yeah, mm-hmm. Explain that. So like what were you before? And then what are you now?
Speaker 2Okay, growing up my mom's thing. She never said I love you, we never like.
Speaker 1Words of affirmation.
Speaker 2No words of affirmation, no physical touchation, no physical touch. We've never hugged. Oh well, now we do, because I force her to. Can you love me or not? Thanks, mom, but when I was in my first relationship I thought gifts were my, my receiving love language like you know, okay, and also what my giving. Love language is also gift giving. That has never changed. But when I got into my second relationship I realized how important being close to someone was for me is that physical touch?
Speaker 2yeah, okay um and also words of affirmation. So everything that I was lacking in my childhood, that's what I look for in my relationships now. Okay. But I thought in the beginning, when I first started dating, it was gift giving, both giving and receiving. But it changed and I'm okay with it. I actually think, now that I have experienced two completely different relationships, acts of service is really important for me.
Speaker 1Acts of service For receiving yeah. Oh, okay, acts of service like putting gas in your, that's an act of service. Yeah, that's an act of service, huh. Well, shit, I guess that's my love language Giving, giving out right. Okay, so I used to be the whole physical touch. Yeah, because giving out right, so I used to be the whole physical touch. Yeah, because you know dads will do that shit. You know you and I talked. I grew up in a daddy household. My therapist says I have mama issues, but it's okay.
Speaker 2My therapist says I have parent issues, parent issues.
Speaker 1Yeah, we'll get into it, that's a hyena.
Speaker 2I literally told him like I'm going to have to push this mic away because I laugh like a hyena. I used to tease my mom about her laugh and now I got it, yeah.
Speaker 1Hey, y'all got to watch Lion King.
Speaker 2when they're laughing, I don't know what scene it is what scar, yeah, when you're singing his song.
Speaker 1Listen to that, and if you like her enough.
Speaker 2Run this back.
Speaker 1Yeah, oh my gosh, If I get like a DM saying you know what? I watched Lion King, I listened to that. She does sound like her, oh my God, Okay. So going back See the tangent, it was physical touch, but now it's like dude, I want my space. So it's more of a like at this moment in my life it's like dude, I want my space. So it's more of a right like at this moment in my life. It's words of affirmation. I love the, the literal thank yous, I appreciate you.
Speaker 1I was like oh my god, that shit went, goes like it goes a long way. Especially like if kids don't understand that and they're like oh thanks, dad. I'm like oh my god what do you want I?
Speaker 2feel like a lot of men need more words of affirmation. They say it's not their love language, but every guy appreciates being appreciated. Oh, facts.
Speaker 1You have no idea. I mean, everybody does right, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2Men more, because I think, with all the new gender roles switching and everything, a man being a man should be appreciated and a woman being a woman should be appreciated and a woman being a woman should be appreciated with the gender roles and everything.
Speaker 1Oh yeah, hell yeah. What do you feel about that?
Speaker 2like now that um women are like being more masculine something that I told myself because, um, you know, I grew up with the gender roles changing and everything. Yeah. So my first two relationships, or my first relationship, I was very masculine. Oh, really, I was the sole provider, I did everything, plus also have the female roles too. So it was like Really I could be in a relationship by myself.
Speaker 1I was going to say that you took the words right out of my mouth.
Speaker 2And then my second relationship. He did acts of service, but his primary love language was physical touch and words of affirmation.
Speaker 1That's the giving or that's the receiving.
Speaker 2It was his receiving. Got you, so that's what he wanted from me, and I lacked that.
Speaker 1Oh, at that time.
Speaker 2Yeah, it was a changing experience for me. But yeah. So when that changed, I was put a little bit more into my feminine energy because he kind of did more things that I feel a man should do. And then when I broke up with him, I told myself, if I ever get into a relationship again, the next man needs to put me in my feminine energy, because I'm tired of being both a man and woman in the relationship.
Speaker 1Girl isn't it exhausting? And I'm not just saying like I'm a feminine or whatever, but um, like being, like there's a time for a man to be sensitive yes and but not too sensitive to where it's just like you're kind of losing your man card. So with me, my wife gets on me a lot. It's like, hey, why are you like that with the kids when it comes to disciplining? And I'm just like yo. That's why you're here to be that soft.
Speaker 2The caring. Yeah, I know my role.
Speaker 1I got to be that, to be that soft, the caring. Yeah, like I gotta like. I know my role. I gotta be the bad guy it fucking sucks but, I know that role like there's something about a man just being a kid and it's like it's more intimidating than oh, mama.
Speaker 2You know, I was terrified of my mom growing up, though oh girl, I could only imagine my mom is the most masculine feminine woman you'll ever meet. She'll put you in your place dude.
Speaker 1Uh, I haven't met your mom yet and she will already put me she will make you shit your pants.
Speaker 2Oh you better have, and she don't even need to whack you she doesn't need to lay her hands on you, it's just her mouth is dangerous oh really is that why you get them?
Speaker 1snaps, girl, we finna go at this. I'm on ahead. No. But so in these relationships, right, did you have to like, change yourself or anything to match what he liked, or whatever?
Speaker 2I think my first relationship I did I had never been in a relationship before that and I started dating in college. I never dated in high school, oh really.
Speaker 1Hey, good for you. Oh what, oh, excuse me. Oh yeah, orange juice. Um what, uh? What made you not date in, uh, in high school? Because you told me your age and you didn't graduate high school like, um yeah, okay, you said it all right, right. Um, yeah, what made you not want to date in high school?
Speaker 2um, it was I think it was a team decision because my mom was really strict and she told me that she wanted me to focus on my studies. Um, and so I did. And you know, I had some kind of somethings, little situationships, and then my mom would be like hell, no, like you need to focus on your studies, that's the most important thing. And then I came to a realization like I'm not going to graduate with my doctorate and be an actual doctor until I'm 32. I'm not going to jeopardize this for a man or a boy at the time, 16, 17. You know, 14 to 18.
Speaker 1Yeah.
Speaker 2Like I'm not going to waste my time doing this now. I want to be able to have the life that I want, like I want the white picket fence. I want a ranch. That's my dream. I want a ranch. Do you know how expensive properties out are here?
Speaker 1Oh, I mean not if you go to like Wisconsin or Texas.
Speaker 2No, I want to stay here, oh, okay, well, not stay here, like I would move places throughout my life, but I want to raise my kids where there's roots and I want my kids to learn the mother tongue and live on the motherland.
Speaker 1What's the mother tongue? Hawaiian oh son of a oh, I'm getting educated, thank you, thank you, thank you, oh okay, uh, what were you talking about? Oh yeah, dating in high school so that our side quests are crazy today, oh, it is. I told my daughter that too, like not to uh date in high school. I told her to have fun. So like, don't like be held down by one guy.
Fashion Trends and Love Languages
Speaker 2Have lots of guy friends, don't be a hoe, but I mean I think, you need to scare her my mom scared me so much like my story how did she scare you? She drilled me from when I was in elementary school and she told me men will always be there oh, that's always be there and she, even to this day, is like you don't really need a date, you can find your husband when you're 50, like me.
Speaker 1I'm like oh wow okay, I, I want to have kids, though, yeah mom, there's a, there's a time clock, there's a biological time clock, yeah, like I want to have kids, and then I think about it a lot and I'm like maybe I should just freeze my eggs. Can you do that? Yeah, how long does an embryo stay frozen? Until it expires? I have no idea.
Speaker 2Girl you're I just started thinking about it.
Speaker 1She's the one in college and she don't know.
Speaker 2I don't know how long you can freeze an embryo, but Could be a while I don't know. I don't even know how long sperm lasts in the sperm bank.
Speaker 1I don't even know either. Never been to one. I've always wanted to right Like I need a good chunk of change right now. Let me throw out some goddamn. Did you know?
Speaker 2that you get paid out so much money for donating your eggs. But also, I don't want to have kids running around. I want my kids to be my kids and I want to be able to carry them. Wait, I don't want to have kids running around. I want my kids to be my kids and I want to be able to carry them. Wait, hold up. Do you know how much? I think it's over $50,000 for one egg To give out my. Oh for guys, I think it's the same. I think it's the same.
Speaker 1Would you ever be a surrogate? Wait, wait, wait. Did I use that word right?
Speaker 2Yes.
Speaker 1Okay, yeah, would you ever? I think it depends on the person.
Speaker 2Okay, so like I have a lot of, like gay besties and I think I would oh for them.
Speaker 1Yeah, what a good heart. You have a big heart. All that bullshit, you know what I'm saying. No, that's good, but like to even think of you know like? Oh, my gay Bessie, like I know he can't procreate Shit, I'm going to do him this solid. I mean, you're going to be in that little kid's life too.
Speaker 2Regardless.
Speaker 1Yeah yeah. Hey, that's what's up Look at you.
Speaker 2Maybe he could find someone to give like, find someone to give like so they can make a baby and then they can put it inside of me. Oh, like a. Oh okay, because I don't know if he would. You know, like all my gay best friends, like I'm, I don't know if you want to have my genetics, because then your kid's gonna come out a little too snappy for you oh yeah, that's true.
Speaker 1Speaking of, it's crazy how you could kind of sort of like make your own little thing to go in, like you could uh, oh, I want this person to have blue eyes, then you can put that in, that's not they're trying to start having like a lab surrogate, so it's just like like a chicken egg uh-huh and you just make the baby in the lab.
Speaker 2And I used to make jokes about this all the time growing up because I told my mama okay, well, if I'm not gonna date now, like I don't even think I'm gonna get married, I don't know if I want to have kids, like I always been on the fence about it yeah and I was like, okay, you know what? I don't even want to have kids. And then we started making jokes that, well, well, because I'm going to be a scientist, I can just make my own clone in the lab.
Speaker 1Clone of yourself. Yeah, like a daughter.
Speaker 2Uh-huh Like have a baby with myself.
Speaker 1How sick would that be?
Speaker 2Okay, well, honestly, I wouldn't do that, because imagine me fighting with myself.
Speaker 1All right. Oh my gosh, you got two hyenas laughing.
Speaker 2We got two spicy little chicks, two spicy motherfuckers holy crap girl.
Speaker 1Let me ask you this in high school were you ugly, did you bloom late or were you always like looking the way you look in high school throughout now?
Speaker 2I feel like I had a glow up after high school, but I also't a glow-up after our high school, but I also had a glow-up in high school. Okay, but like whenever I asked, like my friends are like, you've always looked the same you just a little less makeup, but you've always looked the same oh, okay but yeah, I, I was bullied in school.
Speaker 1You were bullied, bullied, oh, bullied Heavily. Sorry guys. Oh really, is it because you were short skinny, is it?
Speaker 2because you had a mean old accent. No, so I went to school at Castle High School, which is in Kaneohe. Okay. And the east side is very country, very rugged. I mean I grew up with mostly boys. I don't have, like, any cousins that are girls that are the same age as me. They're either younger or way older. So I was teased for being so white.
Speaker 2Like white as in, not tanned or white, as in like my skin color is very white. Oh dang you pasty. Yeah, and that's just because my mom well, my dad, when I was younger he was the beach goer. My mom doesn't know how to swim oh what, I know what to buy.
Speaker 1Mom, was there some floaties?
Speaker 2so it was kind of difficult and she always told me like it's better for you not to go to the beach because you're gonna get skin cancer, like my mom's always like your skin, your skin, your skin is so important like I don't want you to have um skin spots, like me and grandma. And so, yeah, she always told me I couldn't go, and now I have the time, or I am allowed to, but I don't have the time to yeah, whoa, that's crazy.
Speaker 1Yeah, um, bullying nowadays compared to back in days, it's ruthless now because of the internet, you know, because back in the day it's just in that town, in that school. Now, man, you got motherfuckers like that. Don't even help the person. So, it's like it's going viral, and it's a small island too. So if that person goes to some other side rather than theirs, it's like oh man, you're that person. It's like fuck you know.
Speaker 2I also think bullying has switched. You know how back you'd hear about people getting teased for being fat and ugly. It's shifted and I feel like a lot of the negative energy, like even hearing my little cousins coming back from school and they're telling me what happened. I'm like it's because you're pretty, like my little cousins are beautiful, and I'm like how are you guys getting bullied by?
Speaker 1people that should be the being bullied, like the people that should be bullied are bullying. Huh, that's crazy. I'm like. It's like it's flip-flopped, flip-flopped, yeah, yeah, whoa. Um, I mean, pretty people got feelings too. Let's just, let's just be, let's just be nice all around. All right, miss my um. Okay, has this ever happened to you? Um, have you ever liked? All right, ms Mai? Okay, has this ever happened to you? Have? You ever liked someone after having a conversation. Yes, oh, was this reserved? Yes, oh, how about before reserved.
Speaker 2I was talking to someone but it was because he was like consistent.
Speaker 1I don't think it was one conversation though, so with reserve guy it was like the first conversation that we had.
Speaker 2I was like something's different. He's also not from here and I've never dated anybody from outside of Hawaii. He's a Cali boy.
Speaker 1LA kid hell yeah, that's Cali.
Speaker 2Motherfuckers boy, you don't play around, let's hope when this goes online. Oh yeah, that it's still a thing yeah right, imagine I'm like talking all those good things about him. He's like gone with the wind.
Speaker 1Hey, chris, I need you to edit that whole piece all questions I need that bitch gone. Yeah, so did he have like the mad mannerisms, like was he very chivalrous and everything when y'all were speaking.
Speaker 2Very gentleman, very demure. Oh, very eloquently spoken Very cutesy.
Speaker 1Yeah, oh, hey, I'm happy Again. I'm happy for you for finding people, or a person, because it's hard to find someone that matches your feng shui.
Speaker 2I think my feng shui has changed a lot.
Speaker 1Did it from back in the day to now. It's growth. What made you say that?
Speaker 2My type used to be local boys here.
Speaker 1Yoda.
Speaker 2Actually, none of the guys that I've dated had Toyotas.
Speaker 1Oh civics?
Speaker 2No, my first ex had all kinds of different race cars.
Speaker 1Oh, like a Nissan or a Toyota.
Speaker 2MR2?. The way he hooked me was he had a Mustang.
Speaker 1A-okay muscle car.
Speaker 2And then we had different sports cars together after that.
Speaker 1Oh cute.
Speaker 2And then my second ex. He just had a regular shmegular car. I don't even remember what it was.
Speaker 1Oh, probably a Jetta.
Speaker 2No.
Speaker 1Oh, okay, a Hyundai. Maybe, One of them, motherfuckers.
Speaker 2Maybe one of them, motherfuckers Maybe.
Speaker 2I don't remember, but my godmother, my mom's half-sister, she passed away last year and after her funeral her husband wrote a letter and my mom read it before I did and she's like, oh, you should read that letter on the uh refrigerator, it's from your uncle, ed, he's my godfather and I was like okay, started reading it, I started crying and it was like right after I was trying to get to know someone didn't work out.
Speaker 2It was after me and my second ex broke up. So I'm kind of like in this limbo and I'm like I don't even really want to date. And then this random guy is like making me feel incompetent and I'm reading this letter and then I'm sitting on the kitchen floor, my mom comes, she sits down with me and she goes. You need to find a guy that will take care of your mind over your body. You know, and I think that's so important is like when a man takes care of a woman's mind, she steps into her femininity and she can truly be herself and be happy, and that's what I think shifted my feng shui oh, thank you, uncle ed Ed.
Speaker 2Holy crap, he was such a good husband and he's very emotionally intelligent, and that's what I want to find in a man is the emotional intelligence that it takes to be a husband.
Speaker 1So if the reserve guy Callie, how is this long-distance thing working out for you then? Right now, current.
Speaker 2So I've never done long distance before, so it's very different, um, but I'm just trying to live in the moment good, hey, that's good.
Speaker 1So it's a lot of texting and facetiming we don't facetime oh girl, she's a texter I actually am not. I hate texting but really we're reserved, I will you text, you're more of a phone person. I am girl. Me too, I love phone calls me too.
Speaker 2You know why? Because we can go on different tangents all the time, just like this, like the octaves, you could tell like okay okay, tone is so important. Yes, you know why? Because, like, when you're on a phone call, it could could last hours, but one text. I'll leave that shit undelivered.
Speaker 1Yeah.
Speaker 2For like two weeks. I'll be like oh sorry, I was caught up with something for two weeks.
Speaker 1Ain't it crazy. I'm like that too when it comes to text Like oh man, my bad. I thought I replied. Yeah. But you know you pass it.
Speaker 2Oh no, I know, oh okay. Well, we're both different people there, mm-hmm, and I leave that on read too.
Speaker 1Oh really.
Speaker 2I'm like, okay, let me think about this, and then I forget about it, and then you forget right?
Speaker 1Oh gosh Us humans, with our attention spans. It went from like 45 seconds down to 15, down to five. I'm like holy crap. You know why? Because of this oh, the desk girl yeah.
Speaker 2You're like oh, I don't like this video next. Oh, I don't like this video next. You do that, yeah.
Speaker 1Do you read books? I do, oh my gosh, me too.
Gender Roles in Relationships
Speaker 2I love poetry books. Poetry Okay, and also like sci-fi, I like murder mystery. I like murder mystery.
Speaker 1I like that one that's more me Murder, mystery and sci-fi as in like fantasy shit no.
Speaker 2Or sci-fi, as in like space.
Speaker 1No space scares me. Okay, we'll get back to that one. Okay, well, maybe like fantasy stuff.
Speaker 2You know, like the Stranger Things, kind of like in that genre oh, okay, like monsters and stuff, oh or like horror books are pretty freaking dope. I used to love watching horror movies and then when you start reading it, it's like you almost cause yourself to shit.
Speaker 1Oh snap, let me ask you this my wife hates this of me. Before I go to sleep, I watch like a suspense horror movie. Do you do that? Or does that give you like some type of like the fuck, I'm trying to sleep, man. I sleep to true crime. Okay, is true crime like bad?
Speaker 2good. True crime is like. What is true crime? Break that. Jeffrey Dahmer killed X amount of people and this is how he did it. Oh, that's true. He cut, cut them up, put them in you know tubs and put them in his room.
Speaker 1They're in his floorboards, like you know, does that make a cycle for liking shit like that?
Speaker 2like I love that stuff I want to speak on behalf of women women have a weird interest in murder and I think for me I got into it to be more aware. So I first started listening to true crime. So that because I know I want to travel the aware. So I first started listening to true crime. So that because I know I want to travel the world and I know how dangerous it is out there yeah but how dangerous.
Speaker 2And then, because of that, it piqued my interest. And why do people think that way? How do they get so fucked up to the point where they're murdering people left, right and center?
Speaker 1yeah, oh, um, I don't know, but uh, yeah, no, that's just crazy, holy crap. Well, as for guys, um, I'm gonna speak for like 95 of us five percent yeah, fuck y'all, but um for the 95. Uh, we just like that shit it's. It's also my exes thought it was weird, oh really yes, yeah, fuck y'all.
Speaker 2That's a five percent right there. No, you'd have one percent oh one yeah, because 99% of men like it.
Speaker 1huh oh word oh, okay, yeah, 99. Yeah, okay, okay, I'll take that Bitch, ate one. Bitch ate one. No, but I like that shit and I'm really into the paranormal. I love that, oh my God, oh my God, like when I deep, I went to like a little rabbit hole when I found out of the night marchers on here on the island.
Speaker 1I was like that's fucking radical. You know, like I want to see one, but then I know I'll die so I don't want to see one. So I want to have like a camera on top of my head, so I really want to see one. But, oh my gosh, yeah, I like that shit. Yeah, I have, yeah, I I do have to say be very worried about messing with hawaiian spirits. Oh, yeah, dude, uh, someone told me about the, uh the the black santa, like bringing a rock home or whatever, because, um, uh, being in the military, we go to, uh, the big island a lot black sand beach yeah.
Speaker 1so I'm just like, ah, this is fucking cool, because I've never seen that shit in my life. So, like man, I want to bring, like you know, a Ziploc bag, bring that motherfucker home and one of the little containers, though, yeah.
Speaker 1One of the locals was like no, don't do it. I'm like, ok, you know what Different story I'm going to, we'll get back to that one. So I left it Right to that one. So I left it right and then he told me the whole story. I was like huh and then the rock, and then bringing the rock, the lava rocks, I was like holy crap.
Speaker 1And then um, yeah, I can't say that, pele. And then, um, they told me a story of how someone brought home a rock on a flight from that island to wahoo and that person person either got super sick or he died and I was like gotta be a motherfucking coincidence. But then it happened again, where the person got sick. I was like, ooh, heebie-jeebies, I ain't handling that shit at all.
Speaker 2Good decision to not take home, oh my gosh, yeah.
Speaker 1So I was like mm. Respect that fucking land. Ooh girl, what does?
Speaker 2that mean.
Speaker 1Take care of the land. Huh, are you fluent in the Hawaiian?
Speaker 2language. No, I'm trying to become fluent.
Speaker 1Yeah, can you like say like the regular things, like, oh, how's your food?
Speaker 2No.
Speaker 1How are you doing?
Speaker 2No, Well, you doing no. Well, I can say that shit in.
Speaker 1Spanish¿ Cómo te llamas Me?
Speaker 2llamo Chris Me llamo Tia, me llamo Tia, me llamo Tia, me llamo Tia, me llamo Tia.
Speaker 1Me llamo Tia Me llamo Tia Me.
Speaker 2Llamo Tia Me llamo Tia. Oh well see see, I think if I had to get fluent in a language, I think I could probably do it faster in Spanish over Hawaiian. Hawaiian is very. The words almost look exactly the same, almost sound exactly the same, but have completely different meanings.
Speaker 1Is it like the octaves of your voice that makes it?
Speaker 2No, it's the different, like kaha kos and okinas, it's like apostrophes, okay.
Speaker 1That's what apostrophes mean Kahakos.
Speaker 2Kahakos is the line that goes over a letter.
Speaker 1Oh, didn't know that Cool Okay.
Speaker 2And then okina is apostrophes.
Speaker 1Oh, okay, Okay oh interesting.
Speaker 2This is like a pbs uh podcast today. Thank you for tuning in.
Speaker 1Okay. Next question how and why emotional baggage can ruin a relationship so we kind of were getting into this before.
Speaker 2Yeah, I'm in therapy and it's not weird, right like I feel like everybody should experience. Give it at least like three sessions to really see how it changes your life and how you cope with things. So emotional baggage it can come from like childhood trauma. It can come from past relationships, friendships, anything, because anything can break your trust and hurt you. Anything can, yeah, anyone can. So it's all about like trying to process that, deal with it and take the good from the bad and then you know, start that bad memory for a lesson. But I think when you bring baggage into a relationship, it either makes or breaks your relationship.
Speaker 2You're signing somebody else up to deal with you didn't deal with yeah facts so that's kind of how I see it ah, I think everyone has baggage, like everyone.
Speaker 1It could be baggage from work relationship, parentals, what have you. I just think it's the person on how he or she deals with it. Oh yeah, you know, like. You know, like some people, I don't know, it's kind of bad, they're like risk takers, they would do that. Or if, like, if you're a manic depressant, it would be spending like six grand on a fucking on some clothes on Amazon or some shit, you know. So there's ways in like handling baggage. I'm definitely a shopaholic in that sense.
Speaker 2Are you really I spend so much money when I'm going through stuff?
Speaker 1You don't eat ice cream or whatever you don't eat, you're a spender.
Speaker 2I'm a spender and I'm a traveler.
Speaker 1Oh, so you'd be booking trips.
Speaker 2But, then, that's both spending money and being a traveler.
Speaker 1Really, really Personal question what like the highest bill, like your spending bill, when you were like going through, yeah, like when you're going like one episode, what was the highest?
Speaker 2like one day. One day like one trip to one store yeah, like you're.
Speaker 1You're just down in the dumps and then you're just like fuck it.
Speaker 2Spending 5K One day Less than six hours.
Speaker 1One store or several stores.
Speaker 2I think it was like three.
Speaker 1Three stores, huh Wow.
Speaker 2What'd you get? I was at Gucci and I bought that gucci. I think it was gucci.
Speaker 1I bought shoes gucci shoes like the heels, no shoes like sneakers. You bought gucci sneakers.
Speaker 2Okay, okay, okay um, and then, like sephora, will always run me a big bill, but it's a part of job, so it's technically a write-off.
Speaker 1Yeah.
Speaker 2But yeah, that bill is always like. I can run up that bill to at least two grand by itself.
Speaker 1Sephora. Yeah, were you ever a Mac person?
Speaker 2Yeah, so I actually grew up. My mom was working at Mac when I was little, so I would go to work with her.
Speaker 1Aw, my wife was a Mac girl. She works at Sephora now, wink, wink, nudge, nudge. It's like hey, is your man, chris? Yeah. Girl. Hook it up, girl Hook it up. Sis, sis.
Speaker 2Yeah, and what was the third store? I think it was Zara Clothing store.
Speaker 1Oh okay, do they sell men's stuff there? Well, I guess I just don't know what zara is. Cool, cool, cool, all right. Next question um oh, girlfriend versus wife behavior. Um, okay, you're not a wife. Is there a difference between the two or are they like coincide? Are they the same?
Handling Emotional Baggage
Speaker 2no, they're, they're completely different I agree, wife, I think.
Speaker 1Uh, girlfriends, I think it depends on what kind of girl more like, more standoffish, I think wife is more willing to she's, she's willing to take an l, I think. But girlfriend, no, I'm getting this dub either way. I'm going out with the girls oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, or whatever. I'm getting my drink, I'm getting this win opposed to marriage.
Speaker 1It's like okay um, I'm glad we talked okay, but then you know of course gotta give them space because you're gonna be mad and shit. But yeah, girl and wife behavior totally, totally two different things, as opposed to men and boy behavior. I'll break that shit down to you Boy getting in a fight with a woman go fuck a thing, men.
Speaker 2Or fuck off from their girlfriend and not talk about it and communicate about their emotions.
Speaker 1That's men that went through therapy. I can speak effectively by communicating. There's a lot of pauses there by communicating. There's a lot of pauses there, men, we go to our friend's house and we just look at a fucking TV screen and make like this happens to me a lot with my wife.
Speaker 2She thinks that I go out partying or whatever, but I'm actually at a friend's house just watching like ESPN house, just watching like espn. I hope my future husband has friends that he can call to our house and have those conversations. Wait, what? What about your feelings? Talk about your feelings with somebody else. If you don't want to talk about it with me, talk about with somebody else, because yeah communicate your feelings and get it off your chest oh yeah perspective if you need it.
Speaker 2But I think communicating your feelings is so important, no matter if you're a girlfriend or a wife or a boyfriend or a husband, like. When you first asked me that question, I was thinking like how people move right. So as a girlfriend, like if you have a girlfriend mindset, you really don't care, you're to be going out and doing all kinds of stuff, and I see that a lot in this generation. See what.
Speaker 2The girlfriend behavior rather than wifey behavior. When I'm in a relationship. I'm so locked down I'm a hopeless romantic. Oh my gosh. My mom tells me that all the time she's like you're so in love with the idea of being in love and loving someone. Oh, that's beautiful, um, good job, mom. When I'm in a relationship with someone, it's like I literally don't even have friends like I just I just want to be with you all the time like clingy.
Speaker 1No, okay, thank god, I want my air to breathe too yeah yeah, but you just want to be in that energy and that Okay.
Speaker 2I like being loved on and I like loving someone Uh-huh. But I think from my last relationship I see how important it is to have the balance of like yes, you can be loving someone. But also have your friends, but make sure they're positive friends and not girlfriend behavior. Friends like those girls be doing anything and I'm like my man's at home, like I don't even want to be here. How does one like a female, how does how?
Speaker 1does one deal with that? When your girls are like that and you, you are like this most settled down one, do you just not hang out with them anymore and find a new set of friends?
Speaker 2I've had one best friend for almost 10 years now and we've always been pretty in sync. But what's weird is whenever she's in a relationship, I'm not, and when I'm in a relationship she's not, but we're both like the friends that if we ever get into a relationship, that person will always trust us with each other because she's all she's honestly my platonic wife like if I was a guy I wouldn't marry her oh that's.
Speaker 2That's my wifey right there oh, okay, okay, yeah, hey, congrats to, you girl holy crap, um, but yeah, so she's my most like down bad in the most respectful way and then I have like friends that I can do, like go out with. I have friends that I can go to church with. I have friends for different things. So obviously, like, if I'm in a relationship I'm not gonna be hanging out with like my rager friends yeah but I have like friends that I know are there for life and not just for a season oh, wow
Speaker 1that was a that was a snapple cap whoa because you know, do you know? Do you know why I brought that snap? No, okay, because okay, I'll break that down. Snapple caps right um when you.
Speaker 2Oh, it's on the back of the Snapple. Yes, the Snapple.
Speaker 1You get a factoid or whatever. Yeah, I dropped my dime on her too. Okay, so can you ever trust your man with your friends?
Speaker 2Hands down 100%. Yes.
Speaker 1Yeah, me too. Me too I could trust my set of dudes with my wife, like if my wife ever went, like let's say, Certain friends I should rephrase that Certain friends, yes, but I do have some wild friends that I think that would try If they got too drunk.
Speaker 2It might lead to other things. Oh, because. I do have some friends that get like blackout drunk and I'm like taking care of them because I'm normally the sober friend yeah so yeah, are you always a sober one 99 of the time.
Speaker 1Yes oh, that's good. Well, thank you one percent, you know the one percent. Thank you 1%, you know.
Speaker 2The 1% get down in 30.
Speaker 1Oh shit.
Speaker 2But that's like very, very, very rarely.
Speaker 1Oh, okay, yeah, how does a man or a woman handle, like, how do you handle your arguments? The little ones, though not a big one, but the little ones like uh, okay, you know what, why didn't you take? Out the trash like that, yeah, yeah, that type of shit, because I have a story okay, I would like your opinion on it.
Speaker 2Okay, um, you know, say it once. If you don't do it, say it again. You don't do it. And then you say you keep reminding me like a mother. Oh, okay. And then I'm like, okay, well, maybe you should do it, just without me asking. Uh-huh. And then if it becomes like still a thing, I'm like whatever and I walk away.
Speaker 1Never bringing it back up.
Speaker 2No, no, unless you do it again. Then, bro, take out the trash. Ah but my big fights. I talk like this, Very calm. I don't scream unless it's super, super heated. It takes me a while to get riled up. Before I was like a firecracker, but now I'm a little bit more cool calm and collected.
Speaker 1Past you, firecracker. Now that you're educated, went to therapy. You're cool. I've been in therapy since I was four, so I don't really know what the therapy is. Okay, well, you now living.
Speaker 2You're cool as a kumbha yeah, Kumbha, yeah, kumbha.
Speaker 1Yeah, she knows where to go, bro Kumbha. Okay, let me tell you my story.
Speaker 2So the other night, it's a vent sesh now.
Speaker 1Oh, it's a vent sesh now, oh yeah, well, not a vent sesh, but I think it's a funny story. So my wife and I we're in our room. I see her Hello Kitty clip on the bed. All right, I tossed it softly onto the dresser. She flips out and is like what the fuck you did that for? I was like do what? Why'd you throw my clip like that All hard? I was like no, no, no, no, no. I tossed it softly. Hard is overhand, throw Softly is like I'm. You know it was an underhand.
Speaker 1A fairy throw Super fairy. Oh my gosh, I'm talking about like duane, the rock johnson and tooth fairy movie type fairy. You know what I'm saying. So it was soft as shit. She got on, oh my god. So she started throwing my things around right, but it wasn't one of those like tantrum throws right, like she would see she was like playing around about it I hope so at that time and moment I really hope so I couldn't tell.
Speaker 1I've been with her for so long that sometimes I'm just like, okay, so playfully, this is me. It could be like her like throwing a tantrum, but me I thought she was just playing around, she just she. She flipped, uh, she flipped a video game cover. She threw my blanket to my face, uh, she threw a pillow at my face and I was like, oh, thank you. Like with the pillow and the blanket, I was like, oh, thank you, cause I'm fitting to lie down, I'm fitting to snooze. And she was like, um, I didn't like how you threw my shit like that. And I told her. I was like, oh well, you know what? I apologize, I didn't mean for you to take it that way. I did to me.
Speaker 2I thought I tossed it softly the quick recovery of that apology hands down.
Speaker 1Oh, thank you, he's a husband, everyone.
Speaker 2In case you were wondering, he's married and he has kids. Here's a practice Get your ass hands, oh yeah.
Speaker 1Oh yeah, you hear that bitch. You hear that bitch. No, but so she after I apologized she's like no, I don't want your apology.
Speaker 1I was like, well, you know what, that that's all you're gonna get for me, because I don't think I did anything wrong. I was like, granted, I could have walked my ass over to the dresser and fucking put it down. But I mean, I have pretty good aim. I'm an athlete. I could fucking toss it and not break anything. That's what that was like my, so she kept on going that whole night and maybe there was something else maybe you know what maybe bothering her under her skin, and it couldn't.
Speaker 2It might have not even been from you, but maybe she was just dealing with a little extra stress that day and that was a tipping point for her yeah.
Speaker 1So I did the right thing by keeping my mouth shut. I was like, okay, I apologize, and she would keep on going and going going. I let her like go at me for like a good 10 to 15 minutes before I was like yo, I said I apologize, I don't know what anything else you need? Do you need some water or anything? Because I'm fitting in a lay down. It's like no, I just don't accept your apology. I was like, okay, well, In that case. I apologize. I was like you know what you?
Speaker 2apologized, but you could also say like well, if you want to take a break, come back to this conversation when you're ready to talk and ready to accept my apology tomorrow oh, okay, well I I started falling asleep, so I honestly don't know how your wife is.
Speaker 2I mean she could be like a firecracker yeah and, in that sense, like it passed me. Oh, I'll just keep going. I don't care if you're talking to me or not, I'm just gonna keep going because you pissed me off that much yeah but it couldn't even like. What I'm saying is it might have not even been you what she was like actually, whatever emotion she was feeling yeah, yeah, no I understood that, like the day after.
Girlfriend vs Wife Behavior
Speaker 1Like I was like you know it could have been something else. But at that time, one point, um, my therapist told me like I could only control how I react and how I think, yeah, so if I don't have anything else to say, just shut the fuck up. And I was like, yep, I just shut the fuck up. And the next day I mean we're always cool like we never got into a spat where I'm motherfucking leaving you oh yeah, your dick small, this and there, well, your fucking your underboob smell like fucking popcorn. Shut the fuck up. You know what I'm saying. It never went into that shit, but it's.
Speaker 2Um, I thought it was funny because I mean, I guess in a long term relationship like that, you do need those little fights to like keep you know, spark, yeah, some type of spark, yeah, yeah because if everything is good, all the time there's somebody biting their tongue Because you said you've been with her for a while.
Speaker 1Yeah, been married 11 and been together for like some change. I ain't going to say the specific number because if I get it wrong, that's my ass, so I'm just going to leave it at.
Speaker 2You've been married for 11 years 11 years. Yeah, so you guys are going to go through like growth pains. Yeah, you know you guys are going to have to change and evolve with each other as you guys get older and are together for a longer period of time. So, granted, you guys are going to get in some more of those. Yeah. Oh okay, Keep the spice. Keep the spice alive.
Speaker 1Hell yeah, you know, do it with one sock on baby, yeah one sock with one earring on we straight. All right, keep that spice alive. Ah damn, ah damn. My became, she became my therapist. She get paid though whatever that shit oh my god, my one, last one. I know, right last one. Um, oh, you talked about that shit um advocating for more husbands and wives, less baby mamas and baby daddies, please I fucking agree, please, please can we because?
Speaker 2in hawaii. Do you know how common it is for parents not to stay together? Dad beat mom, dad beat dad. You know, and I'm like let's try and make the next generation better yeah let's all be present for the kids. Let's try to. Why don't you guys date before you guys have kids? Sometimes, sometimes. I'm just like why y'all just and having kids?
Speaker 1I mean yeah, yeah, right, like why? What's so hard and this might get a little nasty what's so hard like pulling out, I mean goddamn, or wearing a condom, right, like, yeah, right, right, come on. Come on, let's just be real. You have less baby mamas. You have less baby daddies.
Speaker 2Practicing abstinence.
Speaker 1You know what?
Speaker 2I'm saying yeah, practicing abstinence.
Speaker 1Yeah, that's fucking, that's great too. But yeah, less baby mamas, less baby daddies. Why do you think people aren't committing to that next step, that marriage level?
Speaker 2what I've noticed about I want to say, like the age ranges of, like, oh, age 22 to 28, 22 to 28, okay, people have a hard time committing, they have commitment issues you think it's the internet or do you think it's the?
Speaker 1they their hype men saying, man, you could do fucking better no, because I think they expect themselves to be well.
Speaker 2Let's say this because you know I've been. I was trying to date a little bit in the very beginning of this year. Um, some guys want to be more successful before getting together, or they want to experience more life, or they want to be free, or a lot of them are getting out of long-term relationships and they're just not ready to commit again facts that last one is super factual, because I know a lot of guys that's been divorced and the people that they try to see next it.
Speaker 1Uh, when something goes wrong, it's like, I guess, to them it's like it's a red flag trigger yeah, that's what I meant, yeah it's a trigger and it's oh, I've been through this before. I know I've experienced it. I'm not going through it again next, you know. So I I've, uh, yeah, I've seen that hurting but I was just.
Speaker 2That's why I'm just done dating people in hawaii, to be honest, because it's the same conversation, it's the same what's your favorite color? And then bullshit happens. After like a month or two months I'm like, all right, I'm done with this. Gotta try something new that might be better for me.
Speaker 1That's good. It's sad how the conversation starts like that, like, oh, what's your favorite color? I like to go fucking deep.
Speaker 2No, because if you're going to get deep with me, you're not leaving my life.
Speaker 1Oh, okay, you're going in my basement.
Speaker 2I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. It better be a goddamn major, okay, well, you're going in my basement.
Speaker 1I'm just kidding.
Speaker 2I'm just kidding I've been having some deep conversations, but what I've learned is the people here, the guys here, make great friends to me, but I won't date you guys anymore. I'm over it, that's your disclaimer folks there is your disclaimer.
Speaker 1Sorry folks, there is your disclaimer. Sorry guys, do better.
Speaker 2The men here also have small, small town mindset.
Speaker 1Oh, facts.
Speaker 2You know what I mean. And I want a man that has goals that are bigger than mine. My mom always tells me you need to be with a man at the same level as you, if not higher, because my goals are so out there. That's not. My only goal is to become a doctor. I have so many goals for my life and my mom always tells me if you're not with a guy that has the same like mindset, the same hustler mindset, or a better mindset and better goals than you, it will not work because he will always envy you. And she says guys run off of ego, ego, women run off emotion. So once a guy feels like his ego is hurt, it hurts the woman's emotions and that's the ending of the relationship. Right there, the beginning of that is the ending of the relationship.
Speaker 2Wow you dropped one there my mom is my best friend and I don't have a good job. You know what I need your mom to write a book let me just say my mom has not always been my best friend. We've worked through things and she's in therapy. Hallelujah for therapy. Everybody go get a therapist.
Speaker 1Hallelujah. Yeah, it could be on the phone on. Zoom in person Hell man on the highway because of the traffic.
Speaker 2Yeah, I do that all the time.
Speaker 1Yeah, roll down the window hey, you therapist, let me ask you something.
Speaker 2Oh, I didn't mean it like that. I mean like I'm on the phone, my therapist in traffic and I'm like, oh yeah, that's true I'm gonna fight this car in front of me like stay your ass in your car yeah, you don't want.
Speaker 1You don't want that shit you don't want that.
Speaker 2You don't want to catch the smoke today, not today, not today.
Speaker 1So my, so my that was that, shit was fun. Yeah, it was fun oh my goodness, um, where can these people find you, and do you have any shout outs or anything?
Speaker 2You can find me on almost every social media platform Snapchat, instagram, I don't. I think I still have threads Twitter, all that.
Speaker 1My Lenny kecks also TikTok, oh, tiktok.
Speaker 2I've been trying to get back into that. Oh word, ah. Um, I'm a freshman in that, I'm a newbie, okay. Well, maybe we should do some collaboration videos that'll be funny as fuck.
Speaker 1I'll be comedic as hell, comedic as hell we just have to do more of these. We could do like small sessions just to get tiktok clips hey, that'll be fun, yeah, yeah, we could talk about like bad toes, pretty toes don't look at my toes.
Speaker 2Right now, my spray tan's coming off spray tan no spray tan.
Speaker 1Like a guy with armpit hair no armpit hair. Hairy chest, hairy back, unibrow hair in the ears hair in the ears, go crazy. What if there was hair like on the top of the ear? Is that a?
Speaker 2deal breaker. My dad used to make me pluck his ear hairs when I was little, ew.
Speaker 1But I wonder if it hurts.
Speaker 2I'm sure it does.
Speaker 1I mean plucking any hair.
Speaker 2Any hair is sore.
Speaker 1Oh yeah, you know what yeah?
Speaker 2I'm like let's just grab a wax strip and wax your hair.
Speaker 1Oh man, fuck, no, ain't, no way. Do you god we're going over time. I don't give a fuck. Um, do you uh suggest a guy getting waxed down there? Do you know anyone that gets waxed down there?
Speaker 2a guy um, I know guys that get lasered, I get lasered. That's why so it's permanent hair removal. Does it hurt more? It just feels like a rubber band. Oh, it's like a yeah, and then it's kind of like hot a little after and then they it's all good yeah like getting a tattoo. I'd rather, it's less painful than okay, you don't have a. I don't have actual tattoos. I only have my lips and my eyebrows tattooed. My lips hurt the most and didn't even stay.
Speaker 1Wait, hold on. You got your lips tattooed, mm-hmm.
Speaker 2It's like lip blush, like inside. No, it's just like on top. It's like lipstick, permanent lipstick. But it didn't stay what it didn't stay, mine didn't stay.
Speaker 1So that's like your natural, yeah it didn't stay, mine didn't stay. So that's like your natural yeah, my natural lips. And then where's your second?
Speaker 2tattoo at my eyebrows. Those are perfect. I fucking love them. If you're a girl, get your eyebrows tattooed. It's the best thing ever.
Speaker 1So you don't have any hair there.
Speaker 2No, I do I have hair there I just needed them to get darker.
Speaker 3Oh, not like darker, but like it makes getting ready as a model faster like.
Speaker 2I still go over them with color to make them a little darker, but okay, cool, this is my real hair my real eyebrows, my real lips. I've never, gotten any any work done.
Final Thoughts on Relationships
Speaker 1I don't have any tattoos, yeah I'm gonna age very uh, naturally because oh, I've seen that shit be the real and the fake oh yeah, deal with the real, and if it's artificial, let it be see what real is.
Speaker 2Come over here and get one of these get one of them.
Speaker 1Hey, hey, man ko studios. Thank you for the lovely, uh lovely, home. Raffy bye, thank you for the lovely vibe. My man, and with that I'm chris, I'm my lenny kex and we out of this bitch peace.
