The REALationship Method
The REALationship Method is a comedic podcast about dating, relationships, and advice, blending tips with plenty of tangents. With stories and experiences shared by the cast and guests, it offers cautionary tales to help you avoid making the same mistakes. So sit back, relax, and maybe learn a thing or ten!
The REALationship Method
Dating's Curious Double Standards, Masculine Vulnerability and Dating a Millennial with Karen
What happens when old friends reconnect to discuss the messy, complicated world of modern relationships? In this raw and unfiltered conversation, Chris welcomes his longtime friend Karen (aka "Kare Bear") to explore relationship dynamics that rarely get discussed openly.
The episode dives deep into age-gap relationships and the curious double standard that exists - why is it celebrated when older women date younger men but often criticized when older men date younger women? Karen and Chris share personal insights about dating preferences, boundaries, and what truly makes a relationship work beyond superficial attractions. Their candid discussion about sexual health testing reveals important truths about responsibility in modern dating that everyone needs to hear.
Perhaps most fascinating is their exploration of communication styles and how they affect relationships. Karen's preference for radical transparency ("I'll tell you everything") contrasts with Chris's more reserved approach, highlighting how different personality types navigate relationship challenges. When they tackle the question "Are men intimidated by successful women?", Chris's honest admission that many men struggle with taking a supporting role offers rare insight into masculine vulnerability.
Throughout the conversation, their decades-long friendship provides a comfortable foundation for discussing uncomfortable truths about blocking exes, parenting struggles, and finding partners who match your energy rather than deplete it. Whether you're dating, in a relationship, or taking a break from romance altogether, this episode offers wisdom from two people who've experienced it all and aren't afraid to laugh about their mistakes along the way.
• Age gaps in relationships: acceptable or problematic?
• Double standards between older women/younger men vs older men/younger women relationships
• How digital culture has transformed dating compared to 20+ years ago
• Transparency vs "don't ask, don't tell" approaches in relationships
• Sexual health testing and responsible dating practices
• The psychology behind blocking exes on social media
• Why men are often intimidated by successful women
• Single parenting challenges and setting boundaries with children
• Finding partners who match your communication style and energy
5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Welcome back to another episode of the Relationship Method podcast. It's your boy, Chris. Thank you for coming back again. Today I have a special guest. One of my home girls from the Bay is visiting the island. She's a marketing consultant. She has a podcast, the Hoops Off. I got my girl Care Bear Karen on this. Motherfucking hoe, Karen. What's up? Girl On the island, bro? I know, Hello, motherfucking hoe. Hell yeah, Was it hard finding this place.
Speaker 2:Google Maps bruh, that's all.
Speaker 1:Google Maps? You know what I'm saying? Mapquest who uses that bitch right now? It's been a while. Oh my gosh, it's been a while. When was the last time I seen you?
Speaker 2:Don't age us, chris.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah.
Speaker 2:The listeners think we're young.
Speaker 1:We're young in spirit. You know what I'm saying, the skibbity. I'm trying. I'm trying to keep up with these kids. These kids are fucking killing me. I know, girl, when was the last time I've seen you? We've seen each other over 20 years the party, yeah, yeah, because you brought that up in march and I don't even remember it, so I don't the party, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:Because you brought that up in March and I don't even remember it, so I don't know if I was high.
Speaker 1:We're kind of inebriated, me and my partner, we took the cab, yeah.
Speaker 2:I don't. Even you remember way more details than I.
Speaker 1:Well, she was with my boy. She hooked me up with one of her girls which I don't even remember, girls which I don't even remember who, I don't even remember who it was, but ended up and it was college.
Speaker 2:I was at state, I was at SF state and then ended up.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it was a great night since when did you start censoring? Yourself never since I got married Makes sense, Girl. How did I get the yes from you to come on the first time and now come on live with me?
Speaker 2:Because you're the homie and I support homies and their hustle and their growth and plus, this is a tax write-off, okay.
Speaker 1:Marketing consultant, y'all.
Speaker 2:Hustle.
Speaker 1:Hustle and bustle Girl. Well, I do appreciate you coming on the first time. We had that double feedback so I couldn't. I tried fixing it, I really tried hard.
Speaker 2:Sorry, it's my levels, it's my voice. I know, yeah, it's her fault.
Speaker 1:See levels. It's my voice I know, yeah, it's her fault. See people take accountability and it's awesome and uh, but I do appreciate you coming on, you know in person, because not a lot of mainland folk be coming on, but I do begin, like some people, they need to.
Speaker 2:I mean business pleasure. The island you gotta, I don't, why not? You're fucking right and isn't're fucking right.
Speaker 1:And isn't Hawaii too expensive to where mainland folks work? So they work hard just to spend a week here and they can't even afford that.
Speaker 2:I mean, I will say, I am fucking surprised that y'all have SF prices for fucking smoothies, sandwiches, isn't?
Speaker 1:it.
Speaker 2:It's fucking crazy, but is the wage similar? We got tech wages.
Speaker 1:No, the wages aren't similar here. How are?
Speaker 2:y'all hanging.
Speaker 1:Some people got a side hustle. I think it's more of the side hustle. They have the regular 9-5, and then on the side we have people that, uh, they make plate lunches, yep oh they uh you gotta give me some records, yeah the trucks, the food trucks, um, which is good.
Speaker 1:There's a lot of barbers here up, you know they do it from the garage, okay, as aestheticians, aesthetic aestheticians you know english, not Aestheticians, aestheticians, aestheticians English not very good, huh. And then you know there's people I know a lot of people doing landscaping and the whole car detailing business. So there's a lot of side hustles that I guess the local folks out here that's how, like they're surviving, and then some and also not like the mainland they have family members living in their home for 10, 20 plus years, yeah. So community.
Speaker 1:Community is a big thing. Yeah, as for me, man, you're 18. You're getting the fuck out. Damn, I'm sorry, damn dad, no, but the reason why I do that is because I want them to survive and understand. Good See, that's done. Surv to survive and understand. Good See, that's done. Survive and understand, like how it is growing up and being on your own, because I left when I was 17. Yeah no, that makes sense and that, like that really humbled me because I was like damn.
Speaker 2:Yep.
Speaker 1:No laundry for free. Nope, no more food waiting in the fucking fridge. My internet, no groceries it's on my fucking phone now, you know it's internet. It's on my fucking phone now, you know. It's like all that bullshit. So I just want my older kids just just to understand they could come back home. Right, by all means, they could come back home.
Speaker 2:They're gonna stay right, but they're yeah, they're getting the boot, you know I'm saying you know what I'm proud of you as a millennial parent that you're not um babying your babies and you're empowering them because, yeah, like I was on my own at 19 and I I joke with friends if that didn't happen I'd totally be a princess right now, like I'd be helpless you'd be a princess oh yeah, yeah, I could see that speech.
Speaker 1:I could see that shit happening too. Oh my god, what happened after frisco?
Speaker 2:uh, you went to school, you got done yeah, life life was lifing or life was lifing, you know, post college definitely. Um, I met some of my best, best best friends living in a house together in Emeryville. We have tons of awesome adventures, even on the islands, and, um, I really focused on career so I went into PR internship, I went to advertising. Yeah, tried the love thing too. Guys, I don't know, we'll talk about that and then I had my oldest in 2011, so became mommy how's your oldest now?
Speaker 1:14 14 yeah, sophomore freshman freshman going into high school.
Speaker 2:Remember those days.
Speaker 1:Yeah, oh my gosh. But see high school now.
Speaker 2:It's like that's where I met you High school, I know.
Speaker 1:High school nowadays, though, but see back, we had AOL, so it was just chatting. Now it's like send me a picture.
Speaker 2:Snapchat, snapchat, snapchat. Let it disappear that nudie.
Speaker 1:So I think the when I liked our high school days more, because now it's like everything's easily accessible Because you could be a freak. Yeah, yeah, that too. Yeah, yeah, and no one would know. No one would know, no one would fucking know.
Speaker 2:That's why we danced in the club and got sweaty because there was no live, there was no pictures. After Exactly, you couldn't get in trouble.
Speaker 1:There's no pictures after you couldn't get in trouble, that's why you twerked your ass off. Yeah, hell yeah, yes, and then go outside. You can be as funky as you want Freak nasty oh my gosh. Right. That's why these kids don't dance.
Speaker 2:You ever hit up a club now.
Speaker 1:You know what? I went with my wife like a couple months. Yeah, they don't.
Speaker 2:And they make fun of us for putting our hands in the air.
Speaker 1:Uh-huh. But they don't dance Is that how it is in the Bay now, Like they're wallflowers.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, people don't drink, people don't dance, they don't drink no. The bar industry. There is going. Oh well, now it's like micro.
Speaker 1:Really.
Speaker 2:Alcohol's not cute.
Speaker 1:On the island. People are drinking on the island, okay, but I guess it's different, it's?
Speaker 2:more easily accessible, I think, on the island, because y'all don't, you're not, you haven't legalized cannabis here yet, right?
Speaker 1:Uh no.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, we have not. That's a damn shame.
Speaker 1:But we do have dispensaries though, but you have to have a medical card.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, but on the mainland you could just go in. Well, I don't know where else. I know denver, maybe new york already, but you literally just there's a dispensary around the corner 21 and up purchase. Get out, do your thing yeah, I maybe 18 and up, but you know when have I been carded?
Speaker 1:it's been a while let me ask you this when you go get liquor or go to a cannabis club, do you feel uplifted when they ask you for your card?
Speaker 2:oh, hell yeah. One time I was just getting champagne at safeway yeah, yeah and the guy carded me. I was with some another adult, uh-huh, and he's like I have to card her. I was like oh, it's oh me. He's like oh, my God, thank you. And then he looked at my age and looked at me and he's like ooh. And I was like thanks.
Speaker 1:Asian don't raisin folks, Asian don't raisin, and also estheticians, they do the job right, okay, do you get work done?
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, I get Botox. You don't look like it. You got to do that, okay. So, ladies, if you're listening, men too, okay, you got to get the Botox before the wrinkles. But don't begin the Botox when you're 20. You're too young.
Speaker 1:Oh.
Speaker 2:Maybe mid-30s, and then you just do a little bit and what it is is? It freezes you where you're at, so it helps prevent wrinkles. If you already got the wrinkles, you're assed out.
Speaker 1:Really.
Speaker 2:So I got a little here, but I don't put too much, so you do see a little bit. And then I have crazy lock jaw. So I have like a super wide, square face. It's muscular. I put stuff there to relax it Slim.
Speaker 1:You get lock jaw because of dropping back in the day.
Speaker 2:Wait, you too.
Speaker 1:I did yeah.
Speaker 2:Is that why?
Speaker 1:I think so Holy shit, bro, I pacified it up like when I was dropping.
Speaker 2:Oh, I didn't even make that connection, yeah.
Speaker 1:Wow, if you don't know what dropping is nowadays, it's called molly.
Speaker 2:It's always been molly.
Speaker 1:No, I called it drop.
Speaker 2:Okay, I know.
Speaker 1:We call, call it, drop in. E. Yeah, we called it. E it's mdma and it's pure form molly's whatever molecule.
Speaker 2:Green triangles blue dolphins, whatever, oh, that triple stack I will lay your ass out.
Speaker 1:Light show, light show. Another cigarette, another cigarette, please, please not fix fix oh see, and that's another thing, right, raves.
Speaker 2:we were, our asses, were on that dirty ass floor. Yeah, like showing it up sucking on the pacifier, sniffing the Vicks. These kids like the rave culture in SF right now I don't know about here, they do raves.
Speaker 1:They do raves here too.
Speaker 2:yeah, but it's like super, like I swear to God it's full straight edge, but it's not the same.
Speaker 1:Describe straight edge because I've seen a lot of people that I know that I follow. They go to raves. So tell me what straight edge is.
Speaker 2:Okay, when I say straight edge, like back in the 80s, 90s, you were straight edge when you didn't do drugs, you didn't do alcohol.
Speaker 1:Okay, that's true. Yeah, they don't do that here.
Speaker 2:Well, unless they keep it real good on the low, the cats, now the young cats, love their.
Speaker 1:EDM, uh-huh.
Speaker 2:I think we only liked EDM because we were fucked up when we were on there.
Speaker 1:This is true, oh my God, this is true. Like there's so much I could do, it's, it's, it's, it's. I'm on, like, say, an elliptical or the.
Speaker 2:Oh, yes, that beat when I hear that it's like I'm running on the beat.
Speaker 1:You know what I'm saying that high BPM. Yeah, I don't think you'll ever hear me bumping it in my whip, cruising on the hot damn highway on a six you know what. I'm saying Calm down. Yeah, you're like. I ain't hitting that shit. I ain't hitting that shit, bro, there god, oh yeah, we're old, so raves out. Here it's um. I haven't heard of anyone like dropping like that. I've I've no people that they smoked and they drank.
Speaker 2:Everything else is like no, you know why, though right, chris is what it's our generation. We're stressed the fuck out and, yeah, we had a lot of trauma growing up, so what we did was escape through drugs.
Speaker 1:That's our outlet. Yes, yeah.
Speaker 2:Now, with the internet, these kids can escape through online communities. They're much more educated on the effects of drugs. They're more emotionally intelligent and go to therapy. Sometimes, Well, yeah, I mean it's accessible.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's a different, it's a different. I mean, if anything, social media is their drug Because, yeah, it's a different. I mean, if anything, social media is their drug Because you get a dopamine hit every time you tap that screen. Anything you just swiping, that's a dopamine hit Really.
Speaker 1:Yes, Let me ask you, since we're millennials, how long are you on your screen for?
Speaker 2:Oh, too long.
Speaker 1:Oh really, Do you time yourself for anything you have to?
Speaker 2:remember. So, as Chris mentioned, marketing consultant, but my specialty is social media strategy, so I need to live online to understand what the culture is talking about. And it's a double-edged sword because it's like I know I need to separate and get off of it, but I actually have to do it for research purposes no, that's facts, though like I understand that, um, if it's for work, then it's okay, but if it's like is it? Yeah, because it's like if I was a, if I was a dealer oh, you got a chemist like you could.
Speaker 2:Is it still good for me if I have to use my own product?
Speaker 1:no, but, like as a chemist, you could see what, because you know info is shooting out on the internet. You could see what, like say, the other people are doing. You're like, oh shit, maybe if I added this okay, into this, walter white okay you know, I'm just trying to think outside the box. Oh thank you, thank you, I have grown.
Speaker 2:We are edumacated, we are.
Speaker 1:We are, oh shit, all right.
Speaker 2:Enough of the tangent I know.
Speaker 1:So let me ask you this. The first one Is it immoral to date someone significantly younger, slash older than you, and I guess we could both talk about this, okay.
Speaker 2:Well, you know, as a cultural strategist, right we could talk about what's happening in celeb culture. Right, We've got Drea and Jalen.
Speaker 1:Who the fuck?
Speaker 2:is that what?
Speaker 1:Drea and Jalen.
Speaker 2:NBA Jalen Green. Oh yeah.
Speaker 1:Oh, just like a 30-year gap.
Speaker 2:So she's our age right 43, something like that. Her like a 30 year gap. So she's our age right 43, something like that. Her son is a year different, either younger than Jalen, and then they now have a new baby, right? There's a lot of conversation around their relationship. That's a huge gap.
Speaker 1:It is.
Speaker 2:I don't know about immorality, but I think, especially if you have kids and then you're dating someone so close in your kid's age, that gets a little funky to me yeah, it's like your kid calling them dad oh yeah, my dad, my dad out here in the Philippines trying to marry a 43 year old. So to me is like is there a hint of pedophilia in them?
Speaker 2:uh-huh right if you think about it, because you're literally looking at someone the same age as your child. So that's where it's weird for me. But then there's Tracy. Ellis Ross was talking about her dating men younger. She wasn't talking about 20 years younger, but she's in what her early 50s and just maybe guys in their 30s and a lot of women now older women, because I'm 43. 43.
Speaker 1:Talk about dating younger men because I think it makes them feel good, it makes y'all feel good.
Speaker 2:No, I think there's a couple things you know. Women take care of themselves. Yes, right, we see our estheticians, we take all the supplements. We, you know, try to get our 130 grams of protein in a day. Like all that bullshit.
Speaker 1:So specific and go to therapy, uh-huh.
Speaker 2:Y'all. I don't know, Chris, if you've seen some of the single guys our age on social, on dating apps, yeah.
Speaker 1:Well, not on dating apps. What I've seen.
Speaker 2:Okay, well, you okay. First off, I'm going to say this you look good for your age and I attribute it to your wife. Okay, let's, because a woman's going to take care of her man because she can't be walking out these streets with some haggard-ass looking dude, all right, but these guys that are either newly single, single for a while, no, wifey, no, whatever, they don't give a fuck. Dudes don't take care of themselves. Think about it. Do you do skincare? How do you eat? Does your wife contribute to that of how you take care of yourself?
Speaker 1:Oh okay, oh okay, I'll answer that Skincare. She nags about me, yes, However, I'm pretty hard-headed, so she gives me face stuff right, yes, and you use it sometimes, and then that's it. Sometimes, but I'm usually just water, you know, water on the face. Okay, I have used deodorant that she recommended because of this.
Speaker 2:I don't know man, I get it Aluminum.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, you get the yellow sweat. Yes, now I don't Oop, so hey, that Right.
Speaker 2:So you see that right. So when men don't have a partner helping them. Oh, the partying in our 20s caught up to the dude's.
Speaker 1:RAs. Oh, this is facts, yeah.
Speaker 2:They look it's crazy. It's crazy. I someone on an app, a dating app, and same age but I swear to God he looks 50 or 60.
Speaker 1:It's nasty out there. Is he a white or is he a brown?
Speaker 2:Well, you know, you're right. There's like white European descent. So I put some Hispanics and Latinos in that. Uh-huh, what not? I mean, there's some ashy looking brown dudes too, like I'm not going to lie. Uh-huh, so looking brown dudes too, like I'm not gonna lie. So I think that's a reason, like older women kind of go younger, younger men, you know, like early millennial, new gen z, you guys are taking care, they're taking care of themselves, they're going to therapy, they're washing their face with saratoga water, fiji water and all that you know bottled filtered alkaline going to the gym, right.
Speaker 2:So I think to me, when we're a certain age as adults, it, you know, like eight years, seven, ten, maybe it's all right. I think when you start getting around the 20s, that's a little I don't know. I don't know how you feel about that, if you you know what I mean, chris, like what if your daughter started dating someone? So your age.
Speaker 1:So the reason why so the question came up from you know, from uh, a follower, okay, so wait, I was thinking like it's uh, it's not frowned upon when an elderly woman goes for a younger man, right? Oh?
Speaker 2:I hear it is.
Speaker 1:No, majority of the times it's not. But if it's flipped an older guy going for a younger woman, not female woman it's super frowned upon. It's like oh, pedo, this and the third? Why do you think that is?
Speaker 2:Yes and no.
Speaker 1:Okay, yes and no. Yes and no, I mean look at what?
Speaker 2:um, I don't want to say his, uh, I forget. But if you look at a lot of the male celebrities, they're and billionaires their wives are like young yeah young and no one bats an eye.
Speaker 1:Well, yeah, but like we talk shit.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we're talking shit. Women will talk shit.
Speaker 1:It's frowned upon. But let's say Demi Moore dating Ashton Kutcher. That wasn't a frowned upon, it was like oh, go ahead, girl.
Speaker 2:Oh, you know well, get it girl For bagging. I might get deep with you here, so I don't know if this is appropriate for the pod. Dig them cheeks.
Speaker 1:Yeah go I mean, if you average, you ain't digging deep.
Speaker 2:But I think, if you think about it too when you were a teen, like if a guy like kissed an older, grown ass woman, it's kind of like dude, that's cool, you've got. You've got fucking Riz, and but that's as a parent, that's sexual assault, bro.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Because anyone under 18, a child, does not give consent. I don't care what comes out their mouth.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, that's true, and it's a power struggle, right, uh-huh.
Speaker 2:So I think there's something there and like, of course, like cougars are kind of sexy and MILFs and things like that, and I don't, but men are allowed to age.
Speaker 1:Mm yeah.
Speaker 2:There's still scenes, you know, George Clooney, Benito De Toro.
Speaker 1:That's what handsome.
Speaker 2:Right, they're allowed to go peppered. But women, like I just mentioned earlier, I got to get the Botox. I got to get the lip. I didn't mention it. I got a little lip filler, like you know. We got to get those things.
Speaker 1:So I don't know it's a I don't know, man, like what you said earlier, you live with it, you die with it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, swords, liquids, swords, swords, swords. Oh, with the hard eye. Well, you're the one who says a boat like you're fucking Canadian.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I am man. I've been saying that for years. A boat it, you know. A boat it come on. So is it still so? Do you think it's frowned upon that?
Speaker 2:I think it. It depends on who you ask, depends on who it is.
Speaker 1:Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm, would you date someone in their 20s? Okay, let me rephrase it.
Speaker 2:Would you have a good time with someone in their 20s?
Speaker 1:Oh I could easily have a good time with someone in their 20s. Okay, how about a guy? Could he have fun with someone in their 20s? Yeah, yes. But no relation, no Back and out.
Speaker 2:She's an adult.
Speaker 1:She's an adult.
Speaker 2:To me. You're in your 20s, you're an adult, Huh.
Speaker 1:Okay, mm-hmm. Well, I ain't hitting any 20-year-olds anytime soon.
Speaker 2:Well, you know, if you asked me in my 20s I'd be like gross. But now that I'm 40 and I've been working my ass off and my retirement sucks, if I was in my 20s and dated a 60-year-old millionaire, would that eventually be dead now and leave me a house and pensions?
Speaker 1:That's kind of smart. So if we had a time machine, you go back to seeing your old self. You would suggest your 20-year-old self to be like hey, man, go for that 50-year-old right now.
Speaker 2:Uh well, it's not. It's not like I encountered 50-year-olds when I was in my 20s, but I wasn't looking. Ah, so it I also think two people have parent issues if they date. That big of a gap.
Speaker 1:You think so?
Speaker 2:Yeah, they're finding love through someone that resembles their parent. Ooh, ooh, on the next pod. Hey, that's a good one, hey that's a good one.
Speaker 1:We'll talk about that one. My sense, I don't think I could see, like, say, my daughter's 20 right now. I don't think she could.
Speaker 2:Dating someone, one of your homies, but would it be different if it was like the same gender? Oh that's. You know, I can't speak for the community, but I that I hear is not as frowned upon it's not as tabooed.
Speaker 1:yes, because I know someone that's in their 20s dating a 45-year-old. They're a lesbian couple, yeah see and they're like going strong. Of course I understand she likes to party, she's more at home because she's done with that shit, right, but I guess the chemistry's there. Yeah, I've never heard of a guy, but I've heard of him.
Speaker 2:I have I know a lot of my. I have my male gay friends, and their partners are much, much older.
Speaker 1:And their chemistry is good. Yeah, and it's not frowned upon how weird is that, vid, you're straight frowned upon. Yes, if you're, can I say binary, is that right?
Speaker 2:No, no, no no. If you're, can I say, binary Is that?
Speaker 1:right, no, no, no If you're in the community.
Speaker 2:I mean, that's why I say community, Jinx, owe me a Serpy, I want a Coke.
Speaker 1:Zero, it's good.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah Well.
Speaker 1:Okay, not good, but it's more accepted.
Speaker 2:Accepted, right? Well, you're already sort of in an alternative lifestyle. So you know, when you're binary and you're cis and heterosexual, you need to uphold societal norms, right? Then there's misogyny. I'm going to throw all these terms at y'all but, like, maybe I don't know, that's my assumption.
Speaker 1:Let me ask you this, ms Care Bear as you got older, are you taking your birthdays too, uh, serious, or has it always been serious? Or were you always low-key because I've came across okay, um, people's birthdays, yes, and it's oh, it's my birthday month. Yes, and I'm like motherfucker. You wasn't born in a month. You're in like three hours. You got pushed out.
Speaker 2:Okay, I like this context. Okay, I get you, I get what you're saying. Okay, because when I first saw that question I was like define serious. Um, I think women celebrate things more. I think, um, and everyone's different, right, but a majority, um, oh, I do birthday month, but it's not that I'm expecting everyone to celebrate my birthday, but everyone's got different schedules Back in the day, right, you could be like, oh, party for my birthday at the crib, everyone shows up.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Now everyone's busy with families. They've got trips, they've got other shit to do, other obligations. Yeah, so in order for me to feel like I continue, I can spend time with the important people on my birthday to celebrate me. Time with the important people on my birthday to celebrate me, it has to be all month because I got to accommodate xyz schedule and then they're not available. You know, not everyone's available the week I throw my get together and then another friend's like I'm sorry, I can't make it, let's do lunch next week. So ain't nothing wrong. Plus, I'm an astrology girly, so it's a whole season. You know tourist season. Okay, april 26. Mark that on your calendar, nothing wrong. Plus, I'm an astrology girly, so it's a whole season. You know Taurus season. Okay, april 26th. Mark that on your calendar, right, chris, you a Gemini.
Speaker 1:No, I'm a Cancer. I'm crabby, Wait what's your birthday? June 24th.
Speaker 2:Bitch, you are on the cusp, you both.
Speaker 1:I'm a Leo.
Speaker 2:Leo Cancer, cancer Gemini.
Speaker 1:Cancer Gemini.
Speaker 2:June 24th right.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's why you're a professional yapper, bruh, I'm not a professional and you have multiple personalities.
Speaker 1:Huh, audience. Okay, okay, okay, okay, right, the whole multiple personalities part. I was diagnosed because I have a therapist now I have bipolar type 2. Meaning, whoa, chris, I'm bipolar, yeah.
Speaker 2:Really. So you have downs, do we not like the close people in your life see you down for periods of like long periods of time?
Speaker 1:No, my close. So like my wife and my sister, they see me. Oh, and my daughter, they see me like when I'm low. I'm low, but my therapist says like he doesn't know how long I've had it. He thinks I've had it like throughout my life. But like growing I've coped with, like I have a coping mechanism to where I could go from here to like boost myself up by myself without meds.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:So yeah, but I think like my really bad crash out was when, like, like my daughter was in, she was in California, I was here. I think I went through some financial shit right and I was just like fuck Right rough. So like I was grinding, grinding, grinding and it came to the point where I was like this is hard, like my dad working three jobs, like I feel him now you know, and then I was like fuck.
Speaker 1:And then my wife saw that so she flew my daughter out because I couldn't talk to her, you know, because she was busy with school, yeah. So she flew her out surprised and I was like, oh shit, went back up and I was like, okay, I think I could do this again, like it reframes my brain work and I was good, but that was like one of the biggest crash outs Damn Like I've had and I was like fuck, money, right, right.
Speaker 2:Money always.
Speaker 1:Always Like if you're ahead of the household. If you fail, everyone fails. Yes, you feel me Like you go broke the whole house goes broke, the whole house is broke. It's a lot of pressure. Yeah, as a single parent, yes, have you had one of those crash outs where you're like, fuck, this is fucking hard? And when you did, how did you get yourself? Like?
Speaker 2:back up again. Yeah, I think all the time. But I think, as I've gotten older, right, you learn and, like your wife did for you, you gotta do something, you gotta interject and, like you said, not with medication, but your daughter right Something that makes you happy, that reminds you of your purpose, those things. This trip, even though it's a business write-off, was also my prevention of a burnout, right. So I know the islands, I know ocean, I know nature, you know, being born in the Philippines, like there's a draw for me to be in environments like this. And then the homies. So I think, knowing what you need, knowing what feeds you and waters you, and injecting yourself with that before you burn out, that's the way to go Before you crash out, before you burn out.
Speaker 1:Let me ask you this you said you felt yourself burning out. What were the things that, like you felt or you saw yourself like, oh shit, it's happening. Like I could see myself burning out.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think that's a tough one because I've always hustled growing up.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:My mom was a single mom. I was like academically, a lot of pressure, did a lot of things. I think part I'm. I go to therapy but I have not been diagnosed being on spectrum or having adhd. But I definitely know I have some realms of neurodivergence because or it could be trauma induced, but I I to feel busy, I have to be busy and I think that's my drug from being within myself and my thoughts. So signs for me is definitely like Just give me one Snappy. Oh.
Speaker 1:Like you have a short fuse. Oh, very short fuse.
Speaker 2:And then I get lows Like I say oh, I'm resting, but I literally won't leave my bed all day. I feel so good though it does, especially now.
Speaker 1:So you get snappy. When you're lows, you just stay in bed. What gets you out of the bed? What makes you like oh man, I'm sorry for being snappy Like, do you um?
Speaker 2:oh yeah, I check myself now. Yeah, I tell my kids all the time uh-huh, you know, our parents snapped at us and all that bullshit and said nothing yeah I after I snap, I apologize for the snap take accountability for it right, yeah, but I say that my message is still there.
Speaker 2:The reason I probably snapped was I felt overworked and underappreciated, and when they decided not to listen to me or to not do what I said and not consider how much I've been carrying this family on my back, then you know that discussions had girl, I'm glad you say that, because yesterday, um, I was telling my like my young ones, over and over again to do the certain tasks right, and then it came to the point where I wasn't a dick or an asshole.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know what I was a dick and an asshole yes, I was like hey, hey, do it man. Yes, like I told you, like four or five times, yeah, why isn, why isn't it? And it's like, oh, let me do it. So it's like my wife would always tell me. It's like why do you talk to him that way? I was like hey, were you there when I asked him Four times nicely. I have to put the polite yeah, so I have to, so that's like my snappy thing.
Speaker 2:Man, that's a privilege, Right, I always have to be the bad guy.
Speaker 1:Right, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:Always have to be the bad. Well, I don't have yeah, you know I don't have a partner to play good cop, bad cop.
Speaker 1:I don't get to be the nurturing mommy I want to be all the time, all business, mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:Oh, oh gosh, is it hard being like a single parent, like throughout this whole. I can't think about you being a parent, and with a partner now, add times two at least. But I'll be real, your wife probably does a little more than you do.
Speaker 1:You just don't see everything, you know I really don't see everything, but I tell her all the time and this is me being like me, because I've seen my dad was a single parent, I've seen my dad do it I think, no, fuck that I know I could do what she does. It's just I gave her it's kind of fucked up but I, like I gave her some of the responsibility that I know I could, but I want her to do it. And then I know there's there's some, there's points where her, her responsibility would like fall through the crack and I'll pick it. You know like I'll handle it, but I I know I could because I've been a single parent too and I know I could set up the doctor's schedules oh yeah, I know I could make it like I've done.
Speaker 1:I've done it, so I get you know I give it to her right so, yeah, when it falls through the cracks, you know I I'm the backup, I'll do it, but I do expect her to like be on top of whatever she has to do you reimagine yourself being that single parent again, chris?
Speaker 2:oh man I mean and multiple kids. So that's the other thing. Right like you were, you were single parent for your oldest. I've got two 10 gap. So I'm going through teenagehood, I'm going through toddlerhood, the two T's Woo Doggy, I feel you Damn.
Speaker 1:I feel you, because you got to talk to one of them one certain way and then the other one is just like. You can't talk to your toddler as a teen. Oh, there's no fucking way.
Speaker 2:No, you know what? No, actually, I, oh you do so. I'm the parent that's like. You might as well hear cuss words from me. We could talk about drugs. We could talk about sex. Those like I, rather you, come from a source I trust, in which is myself, yeah Than out on the streets.
Speaker 1:That from a source I trust in, which is myself, than out on the streets. I had this talk with my daughter when she became of age. We had that talk and I also told her I'd rather have you have these kickbacks at the crib.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes.
Speaker 1:You know I'll bump in, I'll jump in to see you yeah, yeah right, but I'm not going to interact intermingle.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you're not going to try to be cool tito, cool dad up in that, eh see, walk in the eh, eh, eh, eh, eh your dad's trying to talk to me again. Yeah, hell, no, hell no.
Speaker 1:Oh my God. But yeah, I told her like I'd rather be, I'd rather have you home than out on the street.
Speaker 2:Oh, hell yes, for sure.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I wish they told me that I wish my dad would have told me that.
Speaker 2:What a nice huh, I would sneak it. Chris. I would have a pair of street clothes out in the bush for them. Nighttime sneaks.
Speaker 1:Did old boy ever tell you that I jumped out of my second story window just to go out?
Speaker 2:I can't. How did you scale down?
Speaker 1:You just jumped, I had a big ass bush and I just plopped on the bush. So I walked down like this not the ceiling, the roof, the roof At an angle, because my window and then there's a roof right, oh my God. And then right below the roof there was like a big ass bush. So like I landed on the bush and everything I didn't.
Speaker 2:Scratches.
Speaker 1:Not. My jeans were, all you know, in the green.
Speaker 2:It's the stalker started a new style and the brown. I was like fuck man, you started a new style.
Speaker 1:You're like hey bro why didn't I just fucking go through the door like every other person? But yeah, so going back home was always a fucking case Sneaking out oh yeah, I was always jumping out.
Speaker 2:Damn, where'd y'all hang late at night? What was the hangs? What was the parking lot?
Speaker 1:So it depends on which friends I'm with Right, If I'm with my razor friends. It would have been in San Jose in and out, ready for the in and out, ready for the runs In and out. If it was like just the smoking buddies, it would have been just maybe a parking lot or at a crib. Yeah, that's about it. On the weekends, though, holy crap, with old boy and his group of friends. Oh, it was far away, bound all day, every day.
Speaker 2:Excuse me, how come I wasn't part of those bounds?
Speaker 1:you were like like a sprinkle, like at the night, though, yeah, I remember times where they had to spread themselves out with all the you know I think we went to the sneaky links I was single though I was. I was single though, but I remember there was a time where we went to your crib I think it was like your family members, like it was a birthday party or something, because there was a lot of people.
Speaker 2:And then, yeah, we went, was it my birthday?
Speaker 1:I don't know, I don't remember if it was your birthday.
Speaker 2:Oh, Chris, you're making me try to tap into some Did we take pictures too.
Speaker 1:I don't know, but this was like before. You know camera phones and everything. So it might be like kidding away in your like Somewhere In your Fujifilm thing, fujifilm. But yeah, I remember those times where we would link up with you. Oh, we went to Great America. And then it was after Great America it was like, hey, let's go to old girl's house. I think we met you at your school too I'm not sure. Damn, it's fuzzy, it's fuzzy, it's super fuzzy. I wish we had one of those. You know like when my memory's going.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like Harry Potter, I could use the wand and recall memory, but all the times that we hung out with you, it was always a good time. Yeah, there was no drama.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Or whatever. You know what I'm saying. Did there was no drama or whatever. You know what I'm saying, Did we almost get in a fight.
Speaker 2:Well, I was a pick-me girl then.
Speaker 1:You were a pick-me what does that even mean?
Speaker 2:You know, a lot of women and girls are taught to not ruffle feathers to please men, and so you do things to be a pick-me. So you're like oh yeah, I'll do that, that's not a problem. Sure, oh yeah, I'll do that, that's not a problem. Sure, oh, you guys want to go um, like drink here and go to the races and stuff, like, of course, like I'm so easy, I'm low maintenance, no, don't do that don't do that be, you definitely set boundaries.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, don't be, uh don ABG.
Speaker 2:Do what you want to do. That's it.
Speaker 1:Did you ever consider yourself as an ABG girl?
Speaker 2:No, I think that's new too, isn't it? Is it? And also, can you define it for me? Because there's a type and I'm not that type. Don't get me wrong, I do love a Louis, but I don't do the monogram tote.
Speaker 1:Okay, so ABG, asian Baby Girl they're the ones with the dyed blonde hair. Back in the day, everything the thin eyebrows where you colored them in no, 50% of them were like trying to be import models. No, no, you weren't that.
Speaker 2:No, you weren't that. I wanted to race, I could drive stick. You didn't have the voice like this.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, I wanted to be the driver. Yeah, okay, yeah, you weren't, because I remember you had Jace back in the day and that's what I was like oh God, she's cool, aw, chris, because she had Jace.
Speaker 2:I'm a baller though. Okay, I'm a baller first Baller.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because, oh boy, I was like, hey, did she play basketball? She's like, yeah, I was like, oh damn, aol does a goddamn thing. Aol teen chat, aol was a thing. Oh, rat battles and shit, all right, next question. Next question.
Speaker 2:ASL.
Speaker 1:Okay, this might be a good one. Do women respect a man for using a condom?
Speaker 2:Women respect men who are proactive in safety. Yes, yes.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:But we were talking about this earlier. So I actually I would respect, I would hold on, not just respect a man, I would get on my knees for a man If he proactively showed me some recent lab work that said, baby, I'm clean, clean, clean and I go get my shit checked. So if you want to go above and beyond, not just the rubber, but, doctor's appointments, getting your prostate checked, make sure you don't got no STDs. Did you know, chris? Chris, I just found this out this month.
Speaker 1:Prostate as in like colonoscopy.
Speaker 2:All those things Because at our age we're supposed to get that stuff. Did you get it yet I'm. All those things because at our age we're supposed to get that stuff did you get it yet?
Speaker 1:uh, I'm waiting till 45. I know me too, because you know you could actually send your shit in. I'd rather do that. I'd rather do that than having something stuck in my eye.
Speaker 2:I'd rather just well you could do it now, before 45, you could actually do the send your shit. So take a dump, package it up and send it in the mail it's like oh, you know what it's, it does.
Speaker 1:It sounds bad, but after wiping baby's asses oh yes, it's like ain't shit.
Speaker 2:Yeah, literally ain't shit. Um, did you know that stds came about because some dude wanted to fuck an animal and then fucked a woman? That's the origins of STDs.
Speaker 1:Really.
Speaker 2:Yes, please, someone, can you snopes that Fact check?
Speaker 1:I'm going to make this into a reel or a clip and then I'll yeah fact check that shit.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so like chlamydia herpes, all that came from animals. Humans didn't have it until a guy decided to get freaked nasty.
Speaker 1:It was a guy, not a woman. Do better, y'all Do better Do better.
Speaker 2:Come on, man, do better, y'all Get tested. Do better, wear your rubbers Okay.
Speaker 1:Before I got married I got tested twice a year.
Speaker 2:That's Chris. Is that good? Yes, okay, cause you're like. Normalize that, please, oh man, I hated it. Or every time you change a partner, let's be real.
Speaker 1:So if you're very active, even with the sneaky links, please, oh true, okay yeah alright oh, definitely, yeah, twice a year January, january, january or June or June or December is one of those two, like in the middle see, yeah, but I hated it. I hated the process.
Speaker 2:Really, what do you guys have to do? How do you, how do guys have to get tested?
Speaker 1:Now it's different.
Speaker 2:Did you swab your pee hole the inside? You have to stick a cute oh okay, I see why you, oh, we got bigger holes. I see why it's like first oh pee, pee.
Speaker 1:It's like Swab Doctor's there, cool, All right, then Hold down your pants. Okay, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool cool.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:Then they swab the tip. Okay, cool, swabbing the tip, all right, kind of cold, don't mind the shrinkage, all right. Then they open the hole.
Speaker 2:I'm like, okay, what's going on here? This is a very so.
Speaker 1:This is the first time that I've got check right, they open the hole.
Speaker 2:Then you know how um q-tips right, yeah, how big q-tips are.
Speaker 1:They're like they're thick, they're thicker than your hole. This in length, oh yeah, that one. So imagine a q-tip. I'm gonna say this long oh yeah, oh, my god, okay, I'm gonna start crying because it was so painful, so you put it in and then they go and it's like I'm gonna say it feels like an eternity, but it's only like 15 seconds of oh my god, the whole time you're like.
Speaker 1:And then the worst part is when, because when they pull it out because you're like, because you're like, so I was like, so pull it out, and then put it in a fucking ziploc bag and call it a day and yeah, so my very first time I was like in tears. I wasn't crying like a bitch or anything, but I was in tears and I was like dog, dog, man, I need, I need a blunt or something that test or COVID test.
Speaker 1:I'd rather do a COVID. I'd rather take COVID test. Yeah, no, for sure, okay so.
Speaker 2:I can have. What does a female go through? It's the same, but we have a bigger hole. But we have to get this clamp cold ass metal clamp and it goes.
Speaker 1:It goes like it opens vertically, or is it horizontal?
Speaker 2:Well, it's only two prong. So, whichever way they put it in, it's like when you're getting checked, right, yeah, okay, yeah, they swab two with the same Q-tip, but you have a tiny hole.
Speaker 1:Yeah and then it's a smaller See so I get why men don't test. Often that's excruciating, Like when you pee. So when I peed and this is what the doctor told me afterwards when you pee you're going to have blood, blood and it stings Like the very first time Because you're scraping a thin membrane.
Speaker 2:Oh bro, we got into some literally deep shit with it, deep shite.
Speaker 1:Well, for females it's just. And then Clamp, yeah, and then yes. Is that how it is nowadays? Oh, but that's our pap smears. That's what we regularly have to get. So we go, we do so. When you get your pap smear, you're doing SCD simultaneously Might as well.
Speaker 2:I order it. Yeah, you're already in there, uh-huh In Lake and, like flint, get it all done, get it all done, all done right here, right now I'm not coming back next week. I'm not coming back next month.
Speaker 1:Get it over with now, are you big on um with your kids? Are you big on like their yearly checkups, or do they go twice a year and all that business? Oh, that's regular why do you think parents uh like skip a a year or two, no, so so how old's your youngest?
Speaker 2:uh six yeah, so I think they changed it, because I swear now like, do you remember well, with your younger ones? It's like I literally feel like in the first few years where I was every month and then like every at least three months and then six months, and then every year till like way into every month, and then like every at least three months and then six months, and then every year till like way into elementary school and it's like every three years Now they skip it, like my son's four, but he didn't have a three-year-old appointment.
Speaker 1:Oh really.
Speaker 2:They didn't require it. Huh, isn't that crazy.
Speaker 1:Uh-huh.
Speaker 2:So I don't know. I think they're changing it up a bit, Because I think there's virtual visits now. Unless there's major issues, you don't really need to go the way insurance and Medicare is happening right now. I think there's just changes.
Speaker 1:Did you like the virtual visits or would you rather see an actual doctor nurse in front of you?
Speaker 2:Well, I think I like the virtual visits, for at least like oops, check me like I'm, I'm anxious, I'm a web md, I'm a hypochondriac, so but I'm also pretty good at spotting when something's wrong. I think most parents are your children completely change vibes when they're sick yes, true right energy.
Speaker 2:So I don't mind it, because at least I know in the next few hours someone's going to check. Then they can order like go to urgent care, come to my office, We'll squeeze you in, right, Having to like make an appointment. And you got to, they're like, oh, you got to wait a day or two. It's like what the fuck? This kid's sick right now. Yeah Right, yeah Right. So I'm cool, I'll take a virtual.
Speaker 1:You'll take a virtual Mm-hmm. Virtuals are good too. I just, I guess I'm just so used to seeing, like getting an answer, seeing the person's like facial expression tone and everything yeah. Right then and there. So I like the in-person, but virtual is super convenient because you could be anywhere and just oh yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, facts, facts. Okay, check time. Oh, we're still good.
Speaker 1:All right, here's another one. All right, you and I were talking. You've never got blocked, but you've been doing the blocking.
Speaker 2:I'm the blocker.
Speaker 1:You are the blocker, so she's the blocker. Huh, as you're blocking certain people, what goes, what's the process, what goes through in your head to where when you tap that this phone screen? Yeah, what goes through in your head?
Speaker 2:yeah, I part of me why I block. Yeah, one of the main reasons I block uh-huh is. I'm that messy girl. I can't just leave you alone, so I have to block for me oh, that's different yes, so I'm blocking you, but it's so. I don't go in your dms, I don't go in your stories, I don't go your emails, I don't go searching for you on google. I don't go stalking you making Google. I don't go stalking you making my own self crazy.
Speaker 1:Wow, that's different.
Speaker 2:Blocking is a boundary for me, so it's like girl, let him go. You have no access. He has no access. He can't come breadcrumbing a week later being like, hey, baby, I miss you. So there's no point of return.
Speaker 1:Oh, so it's for your own benefit. Has there been a block, a blocked person?
Speaker 2:like finding a way to get back to you, listen in ways if I blocked you and you found a way back to me, I'm gonna applaud you and I'm gonna give you a chance, because how? Oh, it's right like how you took extra effort to find a way outside of, because I blocked the usual right phone and email doesn't necessarily happen um social media right, yeah so if I block you on those main channels, but you find your way in?
Speaker 2:oh, you were thinking about me, right, or you made a little extra right, you made an extra effort, like there's an appreciation, but also I'm like oh, you a little crazy too. So you know, you gotta crazy yeah right, you gotta wait, wait your options, but um, yeah, I, I'm the crazy one. Oh so, in order to keep my sanity, to not look crazy and to not get myself crazy, I need to block you. So there's no access and there's no weakness factor.
Speaker 1:When did you find out that you were the crazy one and not, it wasn't them? And how did you? How did you know? It was like? Yeah this is it's me.
Speaker 2:Well, I'll call you out that. So I say crazy, crazy. But I've learned through therapy. I have anxious attachment because I had, yes, um, physically, mentally, emotionally abusive dad. My mom was also his own victim, so like she was distant, not typical loving moms and there. So as an anxious attachment person, you, you didn't get love the healthy way growing up yeah so you're not secure. When you look for a partner, every little thing that you notice you're already in your head like they're gonna leave you oh, oh, yeah it yeah, you know your text doesn't get responded to right away.
Speaker 2:It's that extreme. It's that extreme. I swear we were just texting. He said he was taking a shit and now he's ignoring me. Like who else is he juggling? Is he over me? You notice shifts in energy immediately, right, you clock a regular cadence with someone you start talking to and the minute it's the next response is like four hours later. You, you're thinking, and the reason you do that is because you had emotionally unavailable parents, or really crazy parents, drug addicts, anything.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So your survival skill was to understand pattern in order to protect yourself, understand pattern in order to protect yourself. So, um yeah, it's not that I'm crazy, it's that I have anxious attachment and I'm a lover girl like I have. I still have crazy dreams of just like falling in love, fairy tale, you know, finding my life partner and love partner, and just the I love rom-coms, all that bullshit, but that that those dreams aren't reality yeah so I have to huh I have to block at this age in your life?
Speaker 1:are you able to? Or are you still that girl where you want that happy fairy tale tall ending? Yeah, Like it doesn't stop, especially with oh, that's good, I'm hopeful.
Speaker 2:Oh, that's good, chris, I'm losing hope.
Speaker 1:Oh don't, oh, there's like a billion more guys.
Speaker 2:I know, but I'm such an introvert and I'm such a bitch on the streets I don't smile. I look in the ground. I only look up to make eye contact when there's men, because I'm telling them hey, I could tell I could spot you in a lineup, so don't you try shit. That's my bitch eyes. And then I'm back down on the ground.
Speaker 1:It's like no, no, what gets your fancy, like what attracts you. Then when you're walking, yeah, can a guy just give you the simple eye contact and be like hey, good morning, and then just keep on going.
Speaker 2:Are you talking about physical?
Speaker 1:Just whatever.
Speaker 2:I think it's an energy thing, chris, because if I look at how what I've been attracted to, it's very varied, like I can't find the pattern. Well, I have some patterns, you don't have a type. I like brown skin okay.
Speaker 2:Brown skin pop it Brown skin pop it, brown skin pop it. I used to have my white boy phase, but and not, you know, not to stereotype white people. But you know your families brush things under the ground. You're not very communicative. Y'all had, you know, in society a higher foundation and baseline to work off of, so you don't necessarily understand struggle, and sometimes baseline to work off of, so you don't necessarily understand struggle. Um, and sometimes the unseasoning just don't work with my seasoning, right, it's just a little the bland doesn't work with my spicy, so that's a, that's, that's a good contract also too, um, I don't know, and you've probably seen that one girl talks about that, one white girl. She was on a pod. She talked about how she just shampoos her hair and lets it run and then she thinks she's done with her shower I've seen that bruh.
Speaker 2:So a lot of european descent people are. You know, I think they're raised that white is the closest to cleansiness and then like they're just not. They're not washcloth people, they're not like shower and get it done. European baths the reason it's called a European bath where you just perfume yourself. Yeah, that has some kind of origin. That's a thing. Yes, I sat next to a good looking man on the plane, not this ride, but in LA.
Speaker 1:Yeah, funk For a business trip.
Speaker 2:He had funk, he had funk and mm-mm.
Speaker 1:But to him that's just natural.
Speaker 2:Probably, I don't know.
Speaker 1:Would you ever want someone to tell you like girl.
Speaker 2:Yes, always. Okay, I'm a very transparent person. Don't stab me in the back, stab me in the front. To me, true friends, people who care about you, tell you up front, girl, you smelling funky.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's like, mm, you got something in your teeth about. You tell you a friend, girl, you smelling funky. Yeah, it's like you got some new teeth. Um, why you act like that? I know I do that a lot. It's like hey, man, what do you like like that, talk to me. I guess for guys it's just. It's just different the way we communicate, so let me ask you okay, yeah, yeah, I want to hear this.
Speaker 2:Can we go?
Speaker 1:with communication. So now that we're at this age, it's communicating with other people. Has it been easier or is it still hard, like you have?
Speaker 2:to beat around the bush. It's hard, is it really? No, I don't beat around the bush, but I feel like I think I'm over communicative Because you're transparent Like.
Speaker 1:Is that the transparency?
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, I think that's part my personality, like I don't. I think too it's my upbringing. My dad was full of secrets, so for me I'm very like I'm open. I don't. When I'm in a friendship or a relationship, I want you to fully trust me and not have any concern, because that's what I would want in return. Yeah, so I'm overly like when I date guys and some guy comes knocking whatever some guy dated years ago, tries getting up in my dms or texts like hey, and I'm like bye, even though I reacted in a very respectful way, I still tell my my man hey, just by the way, someone tried to hit me up. I just want you to know, because I don't want you getting in my text messages or DMs and being like what the fuck is this? But then some guys look at me crazy, like why'd you tell me this? Do you want me to get jealous? And I'm like I'm that guy.
Speaker 2:Oh see, that's crazy, chris, I'm that guy, so you would be like don't ask, don't tell. That's the type of person I am yeah, it's not good, chris, I can't help that I'm still a baddie, okay, and my man better know that shit. And remember I mean it's good you don't want to respect the fact that I'm open about it.
Speaker 1:No, no, it's good that you're open, but some guys like me it's just like oh, you know, thank you for letting me know, but you don't have to oh, because it made you feel some type of way.
Speaker 2:Huh, I don't know like this dude trying to get up on your lady and now you're a little angry I wouldn't be angry it's.
Speaker 1:It's more of like a compliment to me. You know it's like oh yeah, you got a baddie.
Speaker 2:Yeah, exactly, that's why are you upset. Oh, you're not, but you're saying some guys would.
Speaker 1:Yeah, some guys would, but for me. So my wife gets DMs too. I wouldn't want to know about it, but I just know that she got it, she's going to handle it. Yeah, she'll handle it. Oh, that's good. But, if it gets to a point where it like lightweight stalker-ish.
Speaker 2:Then I'll go. Oh yeah, Then you need to step in.
Speaker 1:It's more of a like all right, I'm going to see how you handle it, but how about early in the relationship with her? Oh my gosh, I was a walking red flag.
Speaker 2:I know you mentioned it.
Speaker 1:I was a walking red flag, I guess for me.
Speaker 2:I do it early in a relationship because I'm like you can trust me, kind of thing Like.
Speaker 1:I'm going to handle myself. That's good.
Speaker 2:But then guys get upset.
Speaker 1:Maybe it's because you've just given out too much information at the beginning of what it's supposed to be before.
Speaker 2:You know like instead of in the middle or at the end, right, right, right.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I guess you know everyone thinks different, right? Oh definitely. You know everyone thinks different, right? Oh definitely. But I mean, don't men want to know that they're they're, they're, lady, a baddie, that you know they've got someone on their arm that other people want like? Isn't that something guys like, or no?
Speaker 1:not a lot of guys so it don't it's, it's weird.
Speaker 2:No, it's super weird, because when me so, you were attracted to someone and you're like but if other men are attracted, you don't be like ah, she with me, You're more like upset. Oh, I'm so confused, Never upset.
Speaker 1:I'm going to tell you a story, not a story, a scenario, true life, real life scenario. So there was a Sit for this one scenario, okay, so there was a um sit for this one before my wife, my wife, became my wife, she was my girl we went to a club, uh, and we, uh, we parted. We I was here, she was there, okay. So she went to the bar, she got hit on and I'm, I'm watching. I'm like, okay, cool, cool, cool, I'm not going to be like, oh man, who's this motherfucker? She comes back. She told me that you know there was a guy hitting on her. I was like, oh, cool, cool, give me a drink too.
Speaker 2:Like, while you're at it, while you're at it, give me another one.
Speaker 1:So it happened, he got me you know, she got me a drink.
Speaker 1:It was more of a okay, like she handled it her way, you know, instead of me having to interject and be like, hey, man, she with me, like I want to see that, so that it just tells me like if I'm away and she's like at a supermarket, she knows how to handle herself, you know. So I guess that's why, and also I've been cheated on a lot. So, like back in the day, I've been cheated on. If I don't and this is like for particular guys like me if I don't know, and I know it's going to hurt me I'd rather not know. Interesting Damn, I'm opposed to. I know women want to know every detail in a guy.
Speaker 2:No, so I just need to know. I just need to know, I just need to know. Okay, part of me is like I don't need to know about. It's not that I don't need to know about cheating, but I need to know that you're out, you're emotionally done oh, emotionally like don't even put us in the place where you gotta cheat just fucking leave, uh-huh break my heart and go and I'll block you and move on bye.
Speaker 1:You know what I mean yeah, I yeah, but it's a whole communication thing though, right? Community circle back it's all about communicate very well why is that?
Speaker 1:chris, I don't know. Let me tell you another story. This happened a few days ago. I had a fallout with one of my um, one of my close relatives. I had a fallout, pretty bad one, and um, like my wife well, just call tiff. I'm getting tired of saying my wife, yeah, uh, tiff. She saw a whole different demeanor because I told her I was like yo, this happened and she was like, oh, you're cool. I was like, yeah, I'm all right. Yeah, so we walked the kids to school, we're walking back and she you know, she notices the little thing. Yeah, I'm like, oh, what's wrong? I'm like none, I'm cool, yeah. And she's like, oh, is it this and this? I was like, uh, it's stuff. So that's me not being communicated, right, right, but she knew she knows, yes, this fallout.
Speaker 2:I mean because you guys have have a relationship and have at some point in life. She's seen you go through that, so she knows some. She knows your vibe, your energy, yeah, so things like that.
Speaker 1:so if something's bothering me like that way, she shouldn't think that I'm going to cheat on her or nothing. It's just me and my feels Just trying to process, because I told her from the get after going to therapy. I'm the type of person that if I'm not saying nothing while you're talking to me it's because I'm processing. It's not because if I say the first thing that comes out of my mouth, there's going to be like there's a conflict.
Speaker 1:But if I'm processing I know what to say strategically to where it's not going to come out argumentative.
Speaker 2:But how did you guys get to that place? So that's the. You know what I mean.
Speaker 1:You've been together for so long years of her knowing like, uh, what is it her knowing my, my quirks, you know. So if I'm fitting to get in an argumentative mood or whatnot, she knows I'm quiet. So it's it's either in her court to where keep on pressing, or, okay, I'm gonna back up space, okay. So my therapist told me that I could control myself. But I can't control other people you you know.
Speaker 1:So if you and I got into it, I'll say my piece and maybe that might be it. I just said that one, you know that one paragraph of words, yep, and then you could come back at me and I'm just, I'm gonna be quiet because, one, I'm processing, two, it's like I'm controlling myself. She's, she could, she's going to hurt me, but I could. I'm like, okay, cause, that's that's. I think a lot of guys think that way.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I can see that, I can see that, but I guess and this, maybe this is where I need your advice right? You and tiff have been together for a long time, long time. Um, I think my longest relationship was five years okay, that's so good I guess half of 10 but halfway in I was out emotionally I was done.
Speaker 1:I was trying to give him a chance to make it right so all the so, maybe all the chances that you've given it just got suspended, you and you're like, all right, I'm done.
Speaker 2:Well, I guess it's like how much do you give and take if you know what you need and it's not? Like I'm here with, like you got to be six to million dollar net worth bullshit, right, it would be so nice. Bullshit, right, it's nice, would be so nice. Um, you know, it's certain things like communication style, emotional availability, like I don't know. I just I think that's where I lose hope, because I just don't know if people have that anymore or at least I'm attracting something.
Speaker 2:Yeah, there's something about me like moth to a flame, I'm the flame. I I feel like I'm so emotionally, like expressive and verbal and loud, and I tend to attract people that are shut off because there's an attraction to that. I can do something that they can't, but that gets me in a fucking catch-22 I think you one one day you're gonna match someone that's gonna match your energy all right, I think that's somebody gonna match my freak no, but I think that's, I think that I, but I think that's.
Speaker 1:You just need someone to match what you're putting out. Yeah, you know, because you are right, the opposite does it. You do attract, oh god damn, you do attract the opposite and I think that's what's been happening to you for like years, years and also now, I think, guys, men, they're more, and it depends on what type of men, right right, but they're more attentive.
Speaker 1:Now it depends which ones, though okay you feel me so, the attentive ones, the ones that I'm talking about, like they could recognize how you know you're so out there, damn it dad.
Speaker 2:It's okay, we got this.
Speaker 1:Okay, okay, we'll close it, yes, but to finish my point, there's a lot of guys out there that they know what they want, so they would communicate that with you. So let's say you are just verbally going at it, right, the man would be able to be like, hey, you're doing a little too much. How about we just kick it back and then let's calm down with being expressive? And I know that's you, I'm not trying to change you. However, let me get to where you're at, because I'm not there yet. But then that's someone that's like super descriptive. Yeah, he probably reads. He probably needs someone that reads. I need someone that reads, that has a vast vocabulary.
Speaker 2:Who has time to read at this age?
Speaker 1:Oh my God, you can't just list audiobooks?
Speaker 2:Okay, audiobooks, you can't do that shit.
Speaker 1:I'm good with that Damn this shit will fucking turn off should.
Speaker 2:I pause, pause, pause start over and we're back.
Speaker 1:My shit turned off, but it's okay because we finna wrap up. We're talking about communication, yeah.
Speaker 2:I was asking you advice as a happily married person.
Speaker 1:As a happily married man, I still don't have it all together.
Speaker 2:I mean we're human right, oh we're definitely human how much room. Do you leave for error With me? You know.
Speaker 1:There were times where, like I was done, I was like I was mentally done, but then I think it was because I was in my feels Like, oh, I could be doing this, I could be doing this.
Speaker 2:I could be doing that.
Speaker 1:But then something clicks, that's my bipolar. Something clicks to where I'm like oh shit. And then I would read a meme or I would watch like a reel and saying you know what, you are lucky. And I'm like, okay, there it goes, there you go. That's like that little switch. You know what I'm saying? That's like that little switch. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, and it's not me watching.
Speaker 2:TV. It's just no Something. I'm just listening to something motivational. You're attentive or you're listening to the universe, because the universe is serving you. Up that message and you're paying attention?
Speaker 1:Oh, I just thought it's just.
Speaker 2:Right Gratitude and appreciation.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And things like that.
Speaker 1:Mm-hmm in me because you know, man, it fucking sucks. I watch a lot of like I don't know, like unfortunate shit. Yeah, yeah, it's on my TikTok feed and I'm like damn, that kind of sucks. Like I'm glad I'm in the position where I'm at. Yeah, yeah, so when I watch like when a TikTok feed, when a TikTok story comes up, it brings me back to where you know. So I guess that's one of my coping mechanisms.
Speaker 2:That's not even coping. I'm just like. I feel like that's a smart way to live life. Oh, just when you're down, be open to messages.
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh. Oh, it's great how you say messages, right, because I've been watching Vikings lately, oh, and it's like know odin be coming down with that go out again oh ah, we got this one though, okay, okay. Okay, back up to the backup. Okay, um vik to the back up. B Okay, vikings. I was watching Vikings. We're going to wrap up soon. I was watching Vikings. Odin would always send a raven. I love Odin, raven would. It's like a message to a person that's praying to the higher gods and he or she would go off that.
Speaker 1:Yep. So yeah, that's mine. How about you? What messages?
Speaker 2:Every day is a message.
Speaker 1:Oh really.
Speaker 2:Every day, Every day. That's how I wake up. So coping mechanisms I meditate.
Speaker 1:Oh really.
Speaker 2:Morning and night I use an app because my brain's loud and messy, just like I am. It's sighted out and an app helps me, like I'll find something like I need an app for gratitude, I need an app for energy, I need an app for love and things like that, and or meditation, and it's pre-recorded. It's experts, they walk you through it, they have binarial sounds or certain frequencies that are supposed to like change your brain and body chemistry. And every day to me is a message. There's a message in everything your mcdonald's french fries, the stop sign, the song that pops on the radio. Everything's a message. You just have to be receptive to seeing it.
Speaker 1:Ah, but you can't take all messages. No, no, no, not.
Speaker 2:You know, things happen, A bug happens, whatever A sign happens. But if you need the message, you ask for it and it'll appear.
Speaker 1:Huh, the almighty.
Speaker 2:The almighty, almighty. Okay, I have one question. We don't have to answer it, but I'd love for you to ask guys on your pod when they come on are men intimidated by a very successful woman?
Speaker 1:Oh, I think I had this discussion. I think we are very intimidated because that's why my chances are a very like successful headstrong woman, a very successful headstrong woman. And guys believe in that because we feel less superior, we were processed or we are groomed to be like the man Right Right. When that shit's flip-flopped, we are in unfamiliar territory to where. What the fuck are we supposed?
Speaker 2:to do now step up.
Speaker 1:Yeah, oh, man, you could step up, but what if we can't? You know, like what if women don't give us the time?
Speaker 2:okay, I see that, I see that, I see that you know, step up to where your status is.
Speaker 1:Sometimes men fell short, fall short and they don't even want to try. However, there's guys out there and I'm one of them that, all right, shit, I'm gonna embrace being down here and I'm gonna, like, make sure she's good to where she's progressing, to where, if she needs fucking her shoes clean or her or her uh, dry clean, her clothes dry clean'm going to do that because that's my role now you feel me.
Speaker 1:You the man bro? Oh no, dude Cater to you? Okay, no, because I've been to where, like I'm alpha right now, right, and I've seen what my wife does and I'm like, damn, I want to be home with the kids. I like cooking, why can't I cook? You know I like cooking. Why can't I cook? You know? I'm saying I like the house clean, yeah, and like she has her own way of cleanliness, I have my own way. Therefore, it's like, okay, I want the house clean to my standards, right, I want to see her like how far she can go. So I would definitely love to take a back seat and let her go, right. Yep, because I've been in that alpha role. So I think men and also it's an ego thing too when a man sees his woman doing better, then it becomes a competition, right, right. Men hate to lose.
Speaker 2:therefore, when the woman's status better, so you can win right, but not a lot of guys think like that. Guys are still. I'm Guys are still.
Speaker 1:I'm the man I got to make the money. It's on me.
Speaker 2:Yep, you know, instead of hey, we can do this 50-50 and we can still survive, power and elevate each other to make millions, like right.
Speaker 1:Exactly so. That's why I think, what were we talking about, chris?
Speaker 2:Are men intimidated by successful women?
Speaker 1:yeah, I think that's why men are intimidated with successful women, because we we are not known to taking that backseat.
Speaker 2:We're always the driver, not the princess right, but I do want to remind men, when you meet a single woman in her middle age, she's had had to drive.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, she's the driver.
Speaker 2:So I didn't have a chance to take a backseat.
Speaker 1:I think it's one of those things where, when a woman matches a guy after being single for so long, it's more of a. It's like a toe-to-toe thing, like you come into the relationship to where you know what she's bringing. She knows what you're bringing, so now it's an uplifting thing, right? You got to lift each other up instead of putting someone down, right? Unless that's like the guy's thing, like I love it. When you can't do this shit won't bet. Let me show you. That's like the type of person I am.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I need I gotta put me down to where I like. Oh yeah, I need to flourish, you know?
Speaker 1:yeah, hell yeah that's the type of person I am, so I think that answers your question. Yeah, sure, yeah, men just get intimidated and we don't like that Because we're supposed to be like the king. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Oh, single forever then, chris, I don't know what to tell you. I like money, I like safety, I like paying my bills.
Speaker 1:I like retirement.
Speaker 2:I like retirement. I like retirement, I like nice things.
Speaker 1:Shit Karen, that was fun.
Speaker 2:Aw.
Speaker 1:Chris, I know girl, where can these people find you at?
Speaker 2:And do you have any shout-outs before we dip? Yeah, shout-outs to my familia, for you know, supporting me in my business endeavors, and my friends who are always encouraging me, and I'm on IG and TikTok Thrilla de Manila. Thrilla de Manila. Ma'am, my pod that Chris had mentioned is Hoops Off. We're currently on a hiatus because our production company went bankrupt, but you know.
Speaker 1:Hey, it happens too We'll be back.
Speaker 2:I still yap about basketball, the WNBA, cultural things, so hit me up.
Speaker 1:Yeah, give her a follow. Please give her a follow. Please give her a follow. Hoop Self is pretty good. I was listening to some of that shit.
Speaker 2:Oh my God, I know.
Speaker 1:Yeah. I was like I know that voice, but this is after you. Yeah, this was after I knew about you. And then I was like, okay, let me listen to this shit. I was like this is fucking entertaining.
Speaker 2:It is. I was like this is fucking entertaining. So yeah.
Speaker 1:so I subscribed and I'm like, so wasn't it, Luminary? Yeah, Luminary, get your shit together. Please Put my girl back on the pod.
Speaker 2:Put her back on the airwaves, we'll find another production. Yeah yeah, there's a lot Women in sports media is blowing up, so I definitely see the pod coming back and getting funded.
Speaker 1:I can see that too. Yeah, I mean, who doesn't like to see like a fresh face? I don't understand. Yeah, with that being said, kosudos, thank you for the lovely home. Rafi Bai, thank you always for the beats man, and with that, I'm Chris, I'm Karen, we out this bitch Peace.
