The REALationship Method
The REALationship Method is a comedic podcast about dating, relationships, and advice, blending tips with plenty of tangents. With stories and experiences shared by the cast and guests, it offers cautionary tales to help you avoid making the same mistakes. So sit back, relax, and maybe learn a thing or ten!
The REALationship Method
How Therapy, Family, And Hip-Hop Helped Me Rebuild After Losing My Wife with Christian
First and foremost, excuse the poor sound quality of this episode. My mic malfunctioned and I had to resort to my trusty airpods.
Enjoy this special episode with my cousin, Christian!
Grief doesn’t end, it reshapes you—and that’s where our conversation begins. We sit down with my cousin Christian to trace a life that spans Seaside party pads, frozen Minnesota mornings, and a late-blooming career in cybersecurity, all while carrying the love and loss of his wife. The story is raw and practical: how a recession closed one door, curiosity opened another, and therapy helped turn pain into movement instead of silence.
We go deep on what it takes to rebuild. Christian shares the jump from PC repair to Linux and networking, the breakthrough that came with mentors and certifications, and why imposter syndrome is a signal to ask better questions, not to shrink. We unpack the culture shock of the Midwest, the power of simple family check-ins, and the hard truth that support systems don’t magically appear—you either cultivate them or change your zip code. And we talk about mental health the way it should be talked about: cost, access, and the real payoff of unlearning “suck it up” in favor of steady, honest conversations.
Then we push into the fire of modern dating after loss. Expectations are sharp, forgiveness is scarce, and apps turn judgment into a reflex. Christian offers grounded advice: slow down, meet through shared activities, and let context build before chemistry gets tested. Hip-hop threads it all together as discipline, not nostalgia—b-boying as a practice that keeps the body honest and the ego humble, even as injuries linger longer and the next generation flies higher.
If you’ve ever started over—after grief, divorce, or a career dead end—this episode gives you language, tools, and proof that momentum can return. Subscribe, share this with someone who needs it, and drop a review with your best start-over rule. Your story might be the lifeline someone’s waiting for.
• moving from California grit to Minnesota quiet
• learning to live after losing a spouse
• late shift into cybersecurity and certifications
• mentorship, imposter syndrome and career momentum
• therapy costs, access and the payoff of speaking up
• generational norms versus modern mental health
• dating after loss, boundaries and app burnout
• b-boy longevity, injury management and evolving style
• family as support system and the pull of relocation
Okay, uh 54321. Welcome back to another episode of the Relationship Method Podcast. I'm Chris. Today I got a special guest with me. It's my own family member, my cousin. He's a porn star. He's a uh computer intelligence person. He's a b-boy, he's a graffiti artist, he's all the uh he's all the hip hop elements. He don't empty though. Um but um bruh, I got my cousin Christian on the motherfucking podcast.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah!
SPEAKER_00:What's up, dog?
SPEAKER_01:How you doing, man? Doing good, man. It's been a while, bro. Like it really is.
SPEAKER_00:Like I know, I know it's been.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, so uh, yeah. I'm Christian Sanchez. Uh yeah, I am uh I work for uh a financial institution and cybersecurity. I actually got into cybersecurity in 2015 and uh um I am actually uh going through the process of actually uh dealing with uh essentially being married for 13 years, together with 16 years, but and my wife passed away. So yeah, I'm here to kind of support my cousin and talk about what my experiences are.
SPEAKER_00:Don't look at that. Wow, that that that sounded like a hot damn uh introduced dating a dating infomercial.
SPEAKER_01:Like a profile, huh?
SPEAKER_00:That's a that's a great uh that's a great introduction, man.
SPEAKER_01:I I actually don't even mention the situation, so yeah, don't.
SPEAKER_00:Or maybe you can. Yeah, we'll we'll we'll figure it out through this podcast. Yeah, I know.
SPEAKER_01:You'll definitely ask those questions, I'm pretty sure.
SPEAKER_00:So uh so uh man dog, let everyone know at uh let everyone know where you are at right now on this earth.
SPEAKER_01:On this earth? I am actually um in Minnesota, right? Like it's uh yeah, 12 degrees in Cabrera. What's it what's it like in Hawaii right now?
SPEAKER_00:Uh you're looking at like low 70s, mid-70s right now.
SPEAKER_01:I I hate you. Yeah, I I had to shovel snow this morning. Like, yeah, I mean that's uh, you know, um it's totally different from California where we grew up, right? Like seaside where it was like 60, 70, right? So I'm in Minnesota right now. Um I moved back from California. I lived in California for about a year before I moved back here uh in 2021, and I'm just kinda like trying to get the support group and just trying to like make new friends and just kind of move forward after uh losing my wife, so yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Mm mm mm. I understand that's like a uh still it's still like a sensitive uh subject for you, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:I don't think it'll ever not be, right? Like I don't I just like you know, I mean you obviously you remember Rachel, she was an amazing person, and it's just you know, she had a huge impact in my life, and I I I yeah, I don't think it'll ever be not sensitive, right? Like it's always gonna hurt.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, so yeah, I remember back in the day you were like you're out there. I don't want to put your business out, but you was a wild child, and then you met Rach and then you simmered down. Yeah. Uh uh I don't want to say lightweight, but you simmered down a lot. Uh big weight.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I mean it's uh low key. Yes. No, uh yes, I was definitely a person who just lived a little bit more freely, right? Like just you know, uh uh but it was definitely uh yeah, Rachel definitely kind of showed me what it was to really care for somebody and just like you know, just ex experience life in a different way. I she she definitely grew up in a different background. Uh sheltered Christian, right? Like a Christian background, really kind of like uh I wouldn't say isolated, but like she grew up in a more um stricter uh environment uh where her parents actually really wanted her to succeed and be a good person in this world, right? Like um, so there was definitely um less exposure to our background, right? Like or a little bit more um ghetto? Huh? Ghetto. I I yeah, I mean I would say that. I grew up ghetto. Yeah, I definitely like I think it would be we kind of like relied on our friends and the people we grew up with to to pull us through because our parents were working, right? Like two to three jobs, right? So um, yeah. Yeah. I mean that's my bad.
SPEAKER_00:Man, it it it does. And and um you have permission to like cuss, speak freely, talk shit, alright. You you sound super uh you sound super proper. And I do like do thank you for that.
SPEAKER_01:I'm in Minnesota, like Yeah. No, it's uh you're uh you're asking, and I gotta really try to like make it clear so I don't say stupid stuff, you know, at the same time.
SPEAKER_00:It's okay. This is this is a platform for it, man. I say stupid shit all the time, you know what I'm saying? Moist, vagina, who cares? That's really proper. I don't give a fuck. I'm talking to my boy right now. Hey man, so uh how long have you been living in Minnesota for? And uh dog. When's the next when are you like heading out to like let's say Cali or I'm actually okay?
SPEAKER_01:I lived in Minnesota. Uh 2015, I got a career actually working for a large corporation out here uh in my first role cybersecurity. Uh, and uh I had to kind of like learn everything here by myself because Rachel was actually still going to school at UC Santa Cruz. Um and like yeah, I've never dealt with snow. Obviously, like growing up in Seaside and Monterey, like you would have to drive out to like Reno, maybe.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Seaside, right? Like the house. Um it's yeah, so moving here, like I had to learn how to like drive in the snow, and you know, I so I moved here in 2015, had to go back because Rachel got really sick um firmware cancer, and then uh tried to live back home for a year, but it was I mean, most of the people that we grew up with were gone, right? Like I think Mo was still around, July, my cousin, uh, our cousin Lee, uh, and you know, I uh just a couple of people, but most of them have moved out of like home, right?
SPEAKER_00:Like facts, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, so it was it was definitely different. I thought I would go back and actually like you know, hang out with old friends and whatnot, but it wasn't the case, right? Like we're adults now, like things were different. Like, you know, I got in a career and everything that was it was you weren't there anymore. Like, I mean Genevieve probably was probably still there and Lee and all that, but you know, I mean everybody's working, so it's like you're busy. So it didn't work out. I ended up moving back to Minnesota to get a support group, so I essentially like start to like work on healing, doing the therapy thing, right? Like uh talk about all the fields, right? Like, uh, and then but it didn't turn out that way. Like, like a lot of my friends, um, they have their own families, their own lives, and stuff like that. So the support group that I thought I was gonna get out here didn't actually end up that way. So now I'm thinking back, um now I'm thinking of actually moving closer to our other cousin um who's also uh yeah, uh who lives in Vegas. So I'm planning on saving up and actually moving towards Vegas. So that a boy. That that's that's yeah, closer family, like being able to like you know, um, I mean you've been a great like support person for me. Like you've hit me up randomly, and I appreciate that. You don't you don't understand how much that means for a person who lost somebody to say, hey dude, I gotta check in on you, how are you doing? Like that's on a different level. That means you know, for a person who's like now lonely and like had somebody, and then for somebody to like really just think about another person like that, that means a lot to them, right? So uh yeah. So now it just kind of made me realize like I need my family, you know, not my children's family, right? So yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Uh hey dog, I I feel you, and I do um don't need don't even don't don't even mention like not calling because I do be like randomly calling you know motherfuckers to see how they doing. I guess it's just it's it's just weird. You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, no, it won't be weird it could be weird.
SPEAKER_00:It could I I could see it as weird, but I mean shit, that was.
SPEAKER_01:I mean, who who doesn't want to be fucking thought of like during the day, right? Especially if you remember, it's just like hey dude, uh, you know, I'm thinking about you. Like it's it it's like dude, thanks, man. I was thinking about you now, you know what I'm saying? Like all the shit that we used to go through. You're right? So it means a lot, right? You need something. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Oh yeah. Well, I mean, definitely, man, I I agree. Like, uh, I guess when you're young and when you do stuff like that, it comes off as lightweight, homo-ish. But now, like, once you get older and you're we're all like separated on different parts of the globe, yeah. Like that simple call or that simple text, it like it does mean a lot to like certain people.
SPEAKER_01:Well, I think it's actually I think it's just the idea, I think it's it's it's it's it's uh the thought process of a lot of people. I don't think it's older, I think it's just our generation now are really opening up and being not a person like our parents where they like no you suck it in and you you you be a man about it, right? Like you don't talk about it. Right? Like that was like the boomer end of it. Like, sorry if it's a derogatory term, but um it's it's it's that idea is kind of gone out. Like, no, you have to talk about it. You know that or you'll flip out, right?
SPEAKER_00:Like Yeah. Yeah, because uh back when we're growing up, the whole mental health issue thing. Yeah, it w it wasn't even a thing now. And I I think uh man, our generation, I think our generation is shit because we handled shit without being little uh little pansies, you know. I'm not gonna be able to do that. I'm not saying this generation, yeah, I'm not saying this generation is like full of pansies now, but they're uh majority of them are like uh are soft as hell. And uh I'm I'm still trying to instill, you know, that old type of uh uh what what is it, um uh disciplined, airy actions with with my feed. So uh yeah, it's it it's totally different from how it was.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I think it I think it's the idea, like our generation was willing to kind of like try out new stuff, right? Like and yeah, willing to go out to like you know, uh adventure, right? I think our generation was definitely a little bit more open to like going out and trying stuff. Like you even at what? Well, how old were you when you joined the army? Like Yeah, I was 30, bro. That takes some cojones, bro. Like it's just like you go out there and just like fuck it. I want to do better for myself and then go, like, dude, like you did it, right? Like why not? Hands off to you, right? I think that's I think that's the idea now where people are just like, no, I'm gonna talk about my feelings and like being a little bit more empathetic, trying to listen to somebody somebody, trying to like put myself in that other person's like uh point of view, I guess.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, yeah. I feel you put it in. I feel what you're thinking.
SPEAKER_01:Right?
SPEAKER_00:Like I feel you, man. And uh earlier you uh you were talking about going to therapy, right? I thought, you know, therapy was You were crazy, right? It w it was yeah, yeah, it wasn't for me. But uh man, to be honest, man, I got my first therapy session, like, I guess in a week or so.
SPEAKER_01:Yep.
SPEAKER_00:So uh man, I got I got I got I'm pretty messed up in the head as well. And you know how to go in. Yeah, we just take it in. But now it's like, man, I really need to talk about it. I really don't want to, but I mean, I guess the uh the person that I saw, 'cause you know, in the military, once a year we get to see someone, and this person was telling me, Hey, you really need to get checked out. And I'm like, man, hell no. I'm in denial. I'm not crazy. I'm crazy. I'm crazy. What are you better trail the fuck back? No, but um no, but yeah, uh, I'm gonna check, I'm gonna peep this out. This person, um if I'm not feeling this person, man, I'm I'm chucking the deuces. But I mean, therapy sessions, I think people should do it if there is some type of wrong with them. But I mean it's a pretty penny. You feel me? It's not as cheap as it is.
SPEAKER_01:I mean, but getting better, right? Like you had definitely have like other uh ways to like I I think uh what is it called better help or something like that? Or like it like there's just lots of ways for you to get like cheap therapy based off of I mean obviously if you have insurance and like you know it won't cost you an arm and a leg. It can, right? But it's it's I mean my last therapy bill wasn't you know, I think it was like 40 bucks, right? Like so it wasn't That's gas. I'll find you haven't had scoops of ice cream I could get.
SPEAKER_00:That's like 80 tacos from Jack in the Box, dude.
SPEAKER_01:No, that's a lot of money.
SPEAKER_00:Uh uh tell us uh tell people like how we grew up back in the side. How we grew up? I mean, we were wow, bro. Like, I mean like you live you and my you and our uh our cousin, our other cousin Mike, shout out to my uh I mean I just like we all live like close together. Like we lived like right across the motherfucking streets. You know?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I mean that uh uh you know uh thank you to grandpa, like you know, hats off to you how you got two houses on the same block. Like who does that? You know, I'm speaking. Yeah, what a like what a boss to be able to do that, right? Like but what was it like living on D block in Seaside? Uh it was It was rough, man. I mean we we were like five minutes away from the projects, right? Like uh at the time the projects, right? Like we were uh growing up during the 90s, right? Like, you know, we had Yeah, so Crypt and Blaze was popping. Yeah, yeah. And we had Sai showing like right there on Broadway or Obama Way, right? Like we it was it was it was it was different, you know, like it was you kinda relied on people you trust and you know you hope that they have your back, and you know, it was you know, and you're for us it was us. Luckily we were cousins, so we knew exactly like we could trust this dude, like his family, like you know, yeah uh whoever he's kicking it with, it's cool, right? Regardless of the color at the time, right? Like, regardless of who, you know, I mean what they were into. I mean, but we just I mean we survived, right?
SPEAKER_00:Like I like I we got out of that hole, you know what I'm saying?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. What was the name of that uh ludicrous song? It was like like it was Trying Times, I think it was a struggling times. I don't know. Is it like that reminds me of like what it was like? Like we just still we still had a lot of fun. We would walk at like eight o'clock and then like walk back at like ten o'clock, eleven o'clock, and we were what? How old? Middle school, right? Middle school, yeah. Like the skating arena?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, walking from Monterey to Seaside.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, we would walk. We would walk a lot at night, right? Like wearing some baggy ass clothes, like I'm sure for uh uh you know, I mean, for kids to be running around like that, at that time, like it probably seemed sus as fuck, right? Like it like who are these kids like oh they're definitely like into some shape. No, we were just trying to like live life and try to occupy ourselves because our parents were working, you know, until 11 o'clock, 12 o'clock at night, right? Like, it wasn't our fault, like it was just they had to make a living to support for us, right? So I get it, I get it. But I had a lot of fun, you know?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, I uh when parents have that double job, you know, when our parents had that double job, we were we were wound out back on back on the block.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I mean, it was uh it was fun, but uh looking at it from a person who had like Rachel, right? Like she grew up on two streets down from us, but she had a different lifestyle, right?
SPEAKER_00:Like what we were doing.
SPEAKER_01:Her family at home, her mom was always at home, being able to feed them, take care of them, help them study, help them learn. That like it was it was a totally different even though she would say a bunch of times like she would just wanted to experience my life, I said like I wish that I had somebody to like you know be at home and you know take care of me or like make sure that I was doing okay and I was progressing in life. Nah, you so it's totally different. I get it, you know. Uh yeah, oh definitely, yeah. Like, do I regret it? No, not at all.
SPEAKER_00:Hell no. No, I don't regret because the thing is the big difference from us and then now is that everything could be recorded. You know, I do miss like the the the hijinks that we we got into. I wish I had, you know, like I had some type of camera. You know, the cameras back in the day, it was them big old luggage things where we had to carry it like this, or like the little small ones.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, the workout and shit. Yeah, the workout before you actually left it in. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, I mean we were never rich to have that shit, but I I mean I do wish we we did film some of our stuff. But like all the dumb things that we did, I'm glad we didn't have like social media as popping as it was back then. Oh no, yeah, we'd be canceled real quick. Oh yeah, definitely, yeah. All we had was AIM. So our our way of talking to other people.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, that's our like our way of communication.
SPEAKER_02:We have telephones, bro.
SPEAKER_01:Like we had to like hit up G line to like.
SPEAKER_00:We had to mem we had to remember like certain numbers and stuff.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:And then, you know, now I don't think a lot of kids now, like, they take the bus like we like how we used to take the bus.
SPEAKER_01:Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Like jumping from city to city. Yeah, exactly. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:I think that's I think that's a difference though. Like we were we weren't afraid to just go, right? Like we were you know, um, and I get it, like uh there's there's some shitty people in the world, like uh like like today, like you have to go in there, like, oh I wonder if this person just uh just like dude, like we didn't care, like we just did it, right? We went out and fucking um explored at a young age, right? Yeah, we didn't do it like jump out of your house in like a two-story house just to fucking split.
SPEAKER_00:I did whatever I can to kick it, man. Jumping out of a two-story w house was one of them. I have no regret. My ass hurt, but I mean I don't give a fuck, man.
SPEAKER_01:We would have to sneak you up. It would be me and Mike coming up to your house and be like, hey Chris, we're outside right now.
SPEAKER_00:Hey, that's a good hey, that's good ass times. That's some good ass times.
SPEAKER_01:They're about to the girls about to meet up.
SPEAKER_00:Right, dog. The the most fun times I had was when we were all chilling at uh Mike's house. Mike's pad was the party pad because uh you know our uncle Honorio, man. Always doing it. Getting these uh the these legal age females, you know what I'm saying? He was just doing his thing, partying it up because Uncle was a you know, he was single at the time, so he was doing his thing. Yeah, I mean yeah he left he left us kids alone.
SPEAKER_01:Those parties were wild, and I'm I'm I'm dude, we had people literally on his yard, waking up, and I'm like, dude, you you good or what? And he's just like, what? Like like like waking up on the fucking like front yard at in front of Michael's house, like drunk, like he was faded, right? And we were young, right? We were in what high school, I think, at that point?
SPEAKER_00:High school, yeah, high school, yeah. All throughout high school, it was it was that, it was that and right yeah, a little bit after high school, it was still it was still popping off like that.
SPEAKER_01:Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Mike had the party, bro.
SPEAKER_01:He had DJs the whole crew was DJs, right? So like they had music, they had alcohol, they had whatever was over there, right? Like, uh, you know, I mean, it was a place to be. Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike had the spot. Like, it was uh, he he really did.
SPEAKER_00:Like he had he had people from coming from Dago, from Stack, from San Ho from the Bay, yeah, San Ho. Man, he had people coming from all over.
SPEAKER_01:I don't even know, like back like now you could actually just post that on Facebook and it'll reach out as far. Like, I don't even know how that happened, but like, cause I mean, during that time we still had cell phones, but it was like you know, it was the end of like the pager. Like, I don't even know how people for San Jose would get it, right? Like, I don't I don't even know how I got all the way to LA one time for like a uh a party in uh in LA. Like, I was just like, how the hell did we figure this out? Like, we just knew, right? It was just like word of mouth back in the day, right?
SPEAKER_00:Like Yeah. Good old times, man. Good old times. Hey, so um, you say you work cybersecurity. How uh how long did it take? How long did it take you to get where you're at? Like, like dumb it down, like compress that whole experience from hey man, I feel like I could do this shit to honestly it became I like I so uh w me and Rachel just got married.
SPEAKER_01:Uh uh I we were living in an apartment and it was I lost my job at the art gallery at that time. I remember that, yeah. I remember that. I was working and this was during the time that like you know the recession was happening and like you know, 2009, 2010, and like no one was buying obviously artwork at the time. So like it I decided I said, okay, dude, I need another career that I could actually provide for my wife, right? Like I'm now married, we lost our apartment, now we're living with our parents' house. I need to make this time valuable so that I could show this person that I dedicated my life to that I could provide for them, right? Like I need to straighten, like when you had Mila, there was a I'm pretty sure like a switch where you're just like, I have to be responsible, I have to do this, I have to make sure that I can feed my kid, right? Like, same thing with Rachel, right? I need to make sure that like we needed to get out of my wife's parents' house. Not like we didn't appreciate or love it, like I learned a lot from her parents, but I decided to go to school, and it started off with PC repair, right? Like I just wanted to like work on computers uh because I didn't realize like I was actually really into tech. Like, you know, I mean any new technology I was always into. Um obviously, Rachel, I mean my parents didn't really have a lot of money, so like I couldn't really get into uh buying a computer and whatnot. Um I think you were the one that actually had a computer first. Uh your parents actually got you a computer earlier. Yeah, exactly. Oh, I think you had a Sony too, didn't you? Yeah, yeah. Sony Veo. Yeah, so I remember that, and then I got one like in high school. So like, yeah, I didn't realize like I was really into tech. Um, so I started doing PC repair, and then um it became and it kind of spiraled from there, like it became interesting because like I tried to go to college for a bunch of stuff. My dad wanted me to go in for like auto mechanics, right? But it would just didn't really interest me. But computers was fast, like I actually really liked it, like it was really cool. Uh, and you know, and then I also I mean, even in high school, I used to play like Magic the Gathering, and like, you know, I hung out with a bunch of nerds who used to play like Counter-Strike and stuff like that, and it just kind of escalated from there being computer repair to like computer networking, understanding how the internet worked, and then from there I met some dude in one of the networking classes, I think it was like the second class of like the networking course and MPC, um, and the guy was like making his computer do some weird like beeping noise, right? And then he would like like pull out his USB, like he was like way, way advanced. And it was like I was like, dude, what are you doing, man? Like it's just like it's like because I was sitting right in front of him. He's like, dude, I'm trying to get this to do whatever, like, like, like to execute certain commands or whatever to and I was just like, Are you hacking that thing? He's like, Yeah, kind of. Like, I was like, How you know, and I just started getting curious, like, how are you doing that? Because I thought it was cool. This was before the Sony hack, right? Like, uh, and all that, before companies were actually getting destroyed, or you know, hackers were actually getting in. And I thought it was just cool. It reminded me a lot of like B-Boyne, like it was just like something that like not everybody could do, but like it's still amazing and cool, and it takes a lot of like time and effort to actually learn. So I just started asking questions, and then he kind of like led me to one of the teachers who was the Linux teacher at that time, uh, at MPC, and I got to like join his class, and then he introduced me to him, and he became kind of like my mentor. And I ended up working under him for his own company at a company called Viking Works, um, and he just kind of taught me the ropes of like how to work on a computer network, right? Like he I we would uh go to a couple of the dentist uh or doctors' offices in the area and just like work on their network, making sure everything like the printer worked and like making sure that like they were able to get like their X-ray scans in and problems. Yeah, so it was simple, but he was also a hacker from the 80s, so he would show me all of the cool stuff uh little by little, right? And then I mean I still don't know a lot of the stuff uh today, like it's just such a broad subject nowadays, but yeah, I mean it kind of led from there. Then I started taking certifications. Rachel check out a loans because she really saw that I had a lot of potential and wanted, so I used we took like a$5,000 loan to get one of the certs, and then like I studied. And at the time, NPC didn't even have a cybersecurity program. Now they do. Uh but um and yeah, now they do because of I think they saw the success of me and one other guy named Wes, who actually lives here now from Monterey, um, and he was getting jobs in, you know, so it kind of inspired one of the directors there to just kind of start up a cybersecurity program, and then like it just kind of hit off. Like, um Sony got hacked and Target and then Target in 2013, uh, Black Friday, they got hit, and then they spent 2014 kind of like uh building their program to be like the world-class cybersecurity program because they got you know, it was new all over the news. And then in 2015 I got lucky, I met some dude at one of the cybersecurity clubs that I create like was co-founder of at NBC, and he ended up going to Virginia working for a consulting company who's huge now in like the cybersecurity field, uh, and he hit me up because he saw like my passion, and he was just like, Hey, do you like Target's got this new uh cybersecurity program because coming up? Like, are you interested? Like, I see that you're working on certs, I I know you have this particular cert already, and then it it started from there, right? MPG should hook y'all up, give y'all. Yeah, I mean like like like like I it was a lot of like passion and thought, like I said, it I thought I just thought it was cool, you know? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I I didn't even because at that time, like I said, it was before the Sony hack, it wasn't actually like a lucrative thing. I thought it was just like holy shit, these is like Angelina Jolie and like her friends in Hackers, the movie, right? Like this is like really dope shit.
SPEAKER_00:So hey, that's what's up, man. Like you found your passion all I don't want to say all late, but you found it along the way, right?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I started my career at age 32, right? Like, so that's like a really weird time because the people around me are in the 20s, right? Like, just got out of college, and like some of these guys are borderline geniuses, man. Like one guy had work for me, I mean work with me, like, got in trouble hacking stuff in the like on the internet and were ended up working for a three-letter agency, and he was like underage at the time, like 16, 17, and he ended up working for a three-letter agency picking up trash. I mean, they just needed them to like get off the computer, but I mean it's yeah, I think it was like the DOD, maybe. I'm not sure.
SPEAKER_00:But that's okay.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, obviously, coming from our background where we didn't really, you know, yeah, we just ran the streets, it was it's a lot of imposter syndrome definitely comes in. Like, like, dude, how am I even in this field? Like, these guys are way smarter than me. I beat myself up a lot, and I that goes back to like having a partner, somebody that could actually no no no, you got here because of you, right?
SPEAKER_00:So Yeah.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:I I feel like that sometimes I still feel like that now on um especially when like I work for uh the National Guard out here and the position that I am, I'm like, dang, how how did I well I I mean I know how I know how I got the job, but two, how did like I became so efficient in this motherfucker so quickly, right? And then when it came to this whole podcast and thing, I didn't know I had that skill in me in like talking to people the way I talk to people and shit, having them opening up. So I didn't know that was like a thing that I had too.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, no, it's it's it's it's being able to be somebody's uh like I said earlier, their their sound borders like their punching bag to just like oh this is what I've experienced with you know, people like to talk about their experiences in life, right? Like who doesn't like who doesn't? Yeah, it's interesting too. Like you were naturally wanting to be curious about other people's like lifestyle, the things that they do, especially around dating and whatnot, right? Like that that's dope. I I like and you've got you you've obviously made an impact. You got yeah, shout out to whoever that Jenny, like yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Hey, hey, you told me that backstory uh Jenny was a guest of mine uh from previous episodes, and um my boy Kristen had a liking in her. Uh you shot your shot, and nothing.
SPEAKER_01:She actually responded.
SPEAKER_00:I I have to continue the conversation, right? She responded?
SPEAKER_01:She did.
SPEAKER_00:Out of boys, see? All it is is just you take your shot, man. Hey, uh, um, what did she say? If you don't mind me asking, man, like what was the response?
SPEAKER_01:Like, oh, how are you doing? Oh, she's just like I I I I am happy that you liked it. So now I have to kinda like you have to open up with a open-ended question, right? Like, yeah. So I yeah, I mean, I have to do my cybersecurity thing and research a little bit. Uh hey baby, what's your favorite protein? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I also don't want to see here's the part, right? Like, of of of dating now after being married, especially kinda like Yeah, let them know. Yeah, let people know how it is now dating after marriage. It's you become like Rachel's awesome. She we communicated really well. We were able to like, hey, I feel like you're not doing this for me anymore. Can you make me feel better?
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, right.
SPEAKER_01:Like, like um nowadays it's like you're you you don't want to judge them based off of their past experiences or their uh trauma they've dealt with with their life. Cause I mean we're older now, right? Like we're we're we're dating some like uh someone around our age or not a little bit younger, and they, you know, I mean either they were into the career or they've gotten like into like a really bad relationship and now they're divorced or whatever, and they have kids, or whatever. So you can't really judge them for that. But um one of the big things that I've noticed nowadays is there is people you could get cancelled or blocked really quick. You there's no more forgiveness. You mess up once in the beginning of this part, it's done. Like you are cancelled, like literally, like like you say the wrong thing, you do the wrong thing, you uh something that they like. Because everybody goes into dating with a specific I guess goal and uh I gotta expectation on a person they're looking for. And if they don't want any part of that, they you you could be cut. And I think that's the difference between um trying to find a relationship back then where even though I said probably something stupid around Rachel, she still liked me and then like still tried to cut, like like, you know, worked to get that better, or you know, like to make it just say hey, like I'm still interested in you, even though you said something stupid, right? Like that's no longer around, right? Like you can't improve or show you're improving, or you know, I mean it's I've gone on numerous dates now. It's been four years since Rachel passed away, or yeah, uh yeah, but going on four years now. Um, so I've dated significantly, and it's it's it's hard because like I said, Rachel was awesome, and it it it's it's you know, trying to find somebody that that I I don't want to compare. And the my therapist said you don't want to compare or try to find the same thing because that's probably never gonna happen. But you have to kind of like understand but not lower your expectations at the same time, if that makes sense, right? Like everybody tell me you deserve somebody just like Rachel who cares for you like that, but trying to go out to the dating world where people at our age have gone through so much life experiences, what my therapist says, life experiences, like it's it it's hard, right?
SPEAKER_00:Like so, I mean So in a nutshell date in a nutshell dating now is is just not what you recommend people our age. To a certain extent.
SPEAKER_01:Uh I mean it's it uh let's agree. At our age, we're busy, we have jobs, we have rent, we have we have responsibilities, right? You got no time to spend when we're waiting for our partner when we were younger, right? Like we were able to go out, we were able to hang out with a bunch of friends, you had INR when you met Tiff, right? Like uh I was, you know, um going out and hanging out with like a bunch of church people at the time. Um, and you know, I I can't do that now, right? Like, yeah, so people rely on acts, right? You're you know, and I one of the things that I dislike about it is you're quickly judging somebody based off of a few words and a couple of pictures, right? And you're saying I like this person or I don't like this person. Uh-huh. Right? You're and that goes to the idea of like quick to judge, right? You're but you're doing it, you're doing it swiping left or right. And that's that's what's hard, right? Like, is is you know, especially being Filipino and Minnesota, like, I think everybody in the world think I'm Mexican. I don't know, but the last name Sanchez, I guess it makes sense, right? Like, yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00:You can say Joel Coy for that one.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, and then the fact is, is like I'm gonna be real here. It's they're not used to seeing like uh probably a Californian or somebody that's like is who had a different background from what we did. Because these guys, I mean the kids here have amazing schools, like they get taught, you know, they they're very smart. They're really what's called the like you know that old like 50s thing where like the kids would be riding the bikes down the street and stuff like that. I still see that today. Like it's it's it's it's it's crazy. The Midwestern lifestyle is totally different. I want that, right? Like I want Yeah, yeah. I mean, I want to be able to like raise the kid or have a house, have a stable, what's it called? Um, but you know, um it it it's a little bit difficult now because of my background, so I don't you know, I mean I so you kinda have to find somebody that kind of understands, right? Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:I'd man uh kid uh shit nowadays, the environment that the kids are in now totally different from how we grew up. So that's like that's a gimme, man. Oh that yeah, it's ADHD on a different level, bro. Like Yeah, totally a gimme.
SPEAKER_01:So uh They have phones. What what what age was Mila when she first got her cell phone?
SPEAKER_00:Uh she got her cell phone I'm gonna say dead like seven or eighth grade. But then she wasn't she I got lucky, she's not on it as much. You you feel me?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, what about uh Tiff's first I forgot his name, I can't think of it right now. Oh, Aiden. Aiden, yeah. How long was he when he got his first phone?
SPEAKER_00:Man, that nigga got his cell phone man like early.
SPEAKER_01:I'm gonna say like around middle school.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, around the school. Yeah, about middle school.
SPEAKER_01:Okay, so like right off the gate. Think about how much information they're taking in.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Because they have it right on their hand. They have a computer in their fucking pocket versus the time that we had it in middle school. What do we have in middle school? We had a pager.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:So they're taking so much information, like it's it's it's gotta be crazy. Like they have access to OnlyFans right off the gate, right? Like Hell yeah, dog. Hell yeah.
SPEAKER_00:They got porn.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, easily.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that's just bamboozling, bro. Uh I mean are you still are you still B-blang?
SPEAKER_01:I I I I am actually uh for more health reasons, right? Uh back then I I was definitely more competitive.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Um I would have I mean, but I was really hungry for it because Monterey, we had high intensity, they passed it on to us, uh, which is like me Ricking all those guys and that uh you know uh aerial salt and that crew. I kept on going for it, but Monterey didn't have the ability for me to expand, so I would have to drive out all the way to Santa Cruz or San Jose.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:And that was difficult when you didn't have a car or gas money or you know, like or like it didn't have enough room in your car, so you have to put them in a trunk.
SPEAKER_00:Like Yeah. So I so let me ask you this. Being a b-boy for this long, and you know, you've been b-boying since like we're in middle school. Can you feel that stuff in your body now?
SPEAKER_01:I do. I do. So like one of the things I do. I mean, I'm not not to the point that like your injuries definitely last a lot longer. Uh but if you work towards it, like when I would move back to Monterey, one of the first things I started doing when Rachel passed away was running. One of my goals was to first lose weight at to the point that I was like in high school or something, which I did, and then start breakdancing again. But my muscle memory immediately came back and I felt like light, like insanely light. So, like you can definitely condition your body to be how it was when it was younger. Um but the moment you get injured, the injuries definitely take a lot longer to heal, right? So yeah, so would I be able to compete right now? I was like, Yeah, I could probably do it, but um, I'm just gonna be a little bit more careful, right? Like, I'm not gonna sit there and try to learn a new move, right? Like, yeah, you know, I mean the kids these days, like it's funny because you know, uh, I got to meet some of the OG like B-boys going through around the scenes in San Jose and like LA and all that. Like, they would say, Man, the kids got rockets up their ass, and that's when we were growing up and doing breakdancing, and then now I'm saying that to these kids because I mean you see you know the Olympics nowadays, like they're they're the way that they play on the beat and like dance to the music along mixing with their power and their style, and each individual b-boy now has their own characteristics. It's it's it's it's insane, right? Like it's it's straight raw b-boying. Like, it's everything that when I was a powerhead, thought of I mean that's what it was.
SPEAKER_00:That's what it was back in the day. It was just all power.
SPEAKER_01:It was just it was cool, it was hot, right? Like, it was just like, oh I I could Brian Lopez could do head spin for days, dude. I want to be able to do that, right? Like, you know, uh it was cool looking, right? But now it's just different level, bro.
SPEAKER_00:So Yeah, no, so understand, understand.
SPEAKER_01:Like you don't you didn't miss the fucking windmill and flare?
SPEAKER_00:Windmill flare, halo, headspin, IT I flare, halo spin, back spin, pose.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Cricket, uh flare, master, um crab, crooked, post, knee spin.
SPEAKER_01:No, I got I got definitely uh went from there. I learned uh uh like one or two air flares, I learned air chair, I learned a lot of freezes and like raw, and then I even got to the stage where like it was like learning the old school style of breakdancing, and it was like understanding the raw, rawness of like, oh, it's still a dance, and like that opened it up for a different thing. So yeah, I mean One Piece crew shots out to them. Dope, dope. My boy Rocco, OG in San Jose, California. Fire, still killing it. Um yeah, so I still be boy. I actually got invited to do a wedding, um, and uh they wanted us to do uh a show there, so I hit up with some of my old crew members, and we're gonna fly out here again. Um, that's what's up.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. Hey, that's what's up. Hey, let me ask you, let me ask you this. You and I were talking. Uh I don't know if this is uh if I could bring this up. Yeah. But you had and you're talking to me and Mike. You you know where I'm going with it?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, yeah, no guy.
SPEAKER_00:Alright. So why did this old BZ break up with you on New Year's Day? Old Beasy? She doesn't mean on that specific day.
SPEAKER_01:On New Year's Day. Uh okay. So like Yeah, but why?
SPEAKER_00:Why like what was what was the what was the reason of it? Because it seemed like you guys it seemed like you guys were cool when you were. Oh no, I remember when you were talking to us.
SPEAKER_01:I really like her. Uh Kristen was awesome. She was uh so she I don't want to put her business out there. She's definitely dealing with her own thing, and she was in a relationship for a very long time, and she met me at a neighbor's actual mystery party. Uh it was like a party where you like have to find out who the killer is and you play role. It was pretty fun, right? Like, uh, and I met her there, and she told me uh like the first thing that she mentioned was her situation and what she's dealing with, and it automatically made me remind my remind her situation of myself where I couldn't stop talking about it because that's all that was in my mind at the beginning of it.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Uh and we just kind of clicked and we started talking, and then like there was a lot of characteristics about her, like she loved to read. She was really into horror that I really liked. She likes to sit at home and just kind of watch movie. Yeah. Um, she, you know, she she was like it on paper, she has a house, like she she's a on paper. Yeah. Right. We knew going into it that we're still dealing with art, past trauma, past uh what's it called? That could I see myself like she was like, I am still putting my you know foot in the water and just starting to date and or try out and like trust men, right? In general. Um and to me, I it's been four years. I need to start moving towards a real relationship. Um and she kind of knew that, right? Like we knew our expectations, and it just didn't mesh well. But the fact that she dumped me on New Year's Eve was kinda harsh, right? Like, and it was it was kind of sucky because like I thought she mentioned like a week before that I was gonna meet some of her friends, which was kind of cool because like I haven't met any of her close friends, and like that would kind of show me that I would be, you know, getting more ingrained into her life, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh she decided to like really just cut it off because I I I don't know. I maybe she was afraid that she was gaining more feelings for me than she should have, or I don't know. I really don't know. But yeah, that's just the story of dating nowadays, right? Like, and then she was smart, she like like she didn't block me. Like it just, you know, she put me on kind of like uh like uh her her um read notification, she turned it off, so like I wouldn't know if she read it or not, so like she's just ignoring it, right? And even though like I said some stupid shit, she you know, I apologize and like she hasn't responded, so like I like like you know, uh, but I hope and I wish for her the best and I hope her goals are met, and it's you know, I really enjoyed hanging out with her, and I wish that I could continue to like you know, a year from now have her hit me up and be like, hey, I'm in town, I'm in Las Vegas if I'm gonna be there, um, and say, Hey, let's hang out. It's like, dog, yeah, let's do that. Because she was an amazing, like, I would be able to talk to her, and it felt really comfortable. It felt like I mean, I was crashing at her house, like, I mean, I think at one time I was like a week straight, right? Like you wanted to hang out with me, and it like it made me feel good, right? Like, I haven't felt that in a while.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, so uh, so y'all broke it off. Uh I mean she broke it off, it was it it was on good terms then.
SPEAKER_01:No, it wasn't on good terms.
SPEAKER_00:Alright, she I was gonna say some like sidewall some shit, but I I said some stuff that kind of brought up her past trauma.
SPEAKER_01:Who? Fuck that way because it was a similar situation and I just kind of didn't like it. Right? Like, you know, why you bring me along and say now, but at the same time say that you still want to hang me uh hang around, or just like you know that's not gonna happen. Yeah, yeah. But yeah. Like our our now our our feelings are beyond whatever you expected this to be. I mean, you know. But so yeah, it's just it is what it is, my guy. We have some time, and then I think uh like we could actually be friends, right?
SPEAKER_00:So Yeah, yeah. Alright, well, um man, before we dip out, 'cause time's almost up. Um, do you have any like pointers for like say the newly divorcee people that are out there, people that you know our age, like for the dating scene? Like any any pointers or any suggestions on how to approach that shit?
SPEAKER_01:Uh take your time. Um get like get to know the person that you're either you met them at an app or a uh uh at a friend's house or uh or get given like yeah, give yourself some time to get to know them and see if they're for you, right? Like don't rush into things, don't rely on apps that those apps really feed off of your desperation to find company and like somebody to like hang out with and like a you know and it it it it and you either throw money at it or like you know, it's it's it's that's how they make money, right? Like, like I say you meet somebody naturally, whether it's an activity that you want to get into or try, uh, go out and like it's your time to explore. You're either free or you're you're you're now independent and on your own. Go try new things, hands down, you'll meet somebody during that time, you'll have already a common interest. Most of my relationships recently, or I've met them through another friend, right? Like, yeah, it's it's it's uh a friend of a friend. We already have one friend in common, we already have like you know, it's it they it it you know, they are interested. You know, I I say do it naturally, it'll happen, right? Do it old school.
SPEAKER_00:Uh that great advice. Make sure uh uh they can take it in the butt and um they can cook at the same time. Put it in the butt and cook at the same time. I'm just playing. Uh hey, before we dip out, you got anything for me?
SPEAKER_02:You're stupid, bro!
SPEAKER_01:If it doesn't work, whatever, dude.
SPEAKER_00:Hey, whatever, man. But hey man, I do appreciate you for coming on. I appreciate you. Thank you for coming, man. Shut up.
SPEAKER_01:Hopefully, I'll see you soon, man.
SPEAKER_00:Oh yeah, yeah, I know, right? Um uh where can these people find you at? Or if you want to be found or whatnot. And yeah, shout out.
SPEAKER_01:Like, like, I uh again, being in cybersecurity, like I don't put my stuff out, but like you can add me on uh Instagram at Burnt Rice97. Uh no spaces, no nothing. So it's it looks like Burnt Rice, like or Burntrice, like 97, it says Burnt Rice97. Yeah, on Instagram. You can find me on Twitter, same thing. Um LinkedIn, Christian Lomboy Sanchez, find me there. So wow, the full name and shit.
SPEAKER_00:Oh my god. Alright, well, uh with that being said, um I'm operating at my home, but shout out to KO Studios for giving the podcast a home. Shout out to Rappy Bite for the lovely beach, man. And with that, I'm Chris. It's your fucking turn, stupid.
SPEAKER_01:Oh my god. Hey, I'm Christian, one piece crew. UNB Hey, hey, hey, hey, and we have to fifth piece.
