The REALationship Method
The REALationship Method is a comedic podcast about dating, relationships, and advice, blending tips with plenty of tangents. With stories and experiences shared by the cast and guests, it offers cautionary tales to help you avoid making the same mistakes. So sit back, relax, and maybe learn a thing or ten!
The REALationship Method
Six-month Dating Rule and Which Phase is Better - Single, Talking, or Together?, with Aulani
Fireworks lit the sky, but what really sparked was a candid look at how culture, money, and boundaries shape love. We sit down with Aulani—a behavior-focused counselor and hula performer—to unpack the signals we miss and the standards that save us. From Hawaii’s New Year traditions to why the street is spotless on January 2, we trace how community norms carry into parenting, dating, and the choices we make when no one’s watching.
We get specific. Paper plates versus real dishes. Sneaker walls versus balanced budgets. A custom Hawaiian bracelet that doubles as a proposal and a life story etched in gold. These aren’t props; they’re patterns. They reveal whether someone invests in people or flexes for validation, whether spending is strategy or impulse. Aulani shares her six-month rule, why limited access to her space protects her peace, and how to read a home like a map of habits. Chris adds the parent’s view—passing down heirloom sneakers, setting rent for an at-home 19-year-old, and choosing tough love over comfort so independence can grow.
We also explore the emotional backbone of real partnership. Burnout happens. Crying can be a clean reset. Acceptance and commitment tools help you step back from spirals. The bigger challenge is communication: some of us want space to think, others want words to feel seen. When you know each other’s process, you stop rewarding bad patterns and start building trust. That shows up in dating, too. DMs and W Y D texts are easy. Sitting across from someone, listening, and noticing the mismatch between their confidence online and their presence in person—that’s where clarity lives.
If you’ve wondered whether it’s too late to change careers, we’ve got you. Your mid-30s can be a launchpad, not a deadline. Skills stack. Mentors matter. Multiple income streams keep your life resilient in a high-cost world. And boundaries? A text breakup won’t cut it. Respect does. Hit play for a warm, unfiltered journey through Hawaii’s culture, modern dating cues, practical money wisdom, and the kind of accountability that makes relationships—and people—stronger.
If this resonated, follow the show, share with a friend who needs new-year clarity, and leave a quick review to help others find us. What boundary are you protecting this year?
• reading Hawaii’s New Year culture and community cleanup
• how environment and media shape kids’ behavior and language
• six-month rule, access to space, and home-as-dating-red-flag
• paper plates vs plates for guests as signals of effort
• sneaker walls, image, resale, and spending priorities
• meaning of gold chains and custom Hawaiian bracelets
• career pivots in your 30s and building multiple incomes
• burnout cycles, crying as release, and ACT tools
• compatibility in communication and avoiding reactivity loops
• texting etiquette, social media dating, and showing up in person
• charging adult kids rent, chores, and financial discipline
• overprotection, rebellion, and honest talks with teens
• non-negotiables: no text breakups, trust and boundaries
And five four three two one. Welcome back to another episode of the Relationship Method podcast. It's your boy Chris. It's a new year. It's 2026. And today I have a very lovely guest. She goes by the name of Awolani. She is a somewhat of a counselor. Right? I can say that. Right. Yeah. And she is a performer as well. Um, a hula performer. Yay! Girl, thank you for coming on.
SPEAKER_00:Of course. Thanks for having me.
SPEAKER_02:Oh no. Thank you. Um, before we get this shindig going, how did I get the yes from you to come on this, you know, this little thing?
SPEAKER_00:Funny story. So when Chris had messaged me, well, when you messaged me, right? Um, I was stalking your Instagram and I was like, what is this dude about? What is this podcast about? I saw the relationship method, and I was like, oh, well, I wonder if he's been following me for a while, because I like to talk about relationship stuff on my stories all the time. Um, and it kind of just flowed. I've always wanted to be a podcaster myself. I wanted to talk about like sexual health and all of that. So I was like, okay, well, I guess I can get my feet wet by jumping on someone's podcast, and here I am.
SPEAKER_01:See how it is, right?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. Easy.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, yeah. So if she get if she blows up, you know her origin story. It's this little thing-a-thang-a-thang.
SPEAKER_00:Got him.
SPEAKER_01:Know what I mean. Girl, how was your new year's?
SPEAKER_00:Uh, I mean, I'm sorry to my friends. I did not make it out to the house that I was actually supposed to go to, which was out in White and I. I ended up getting kind of like junky drunk. Um, but it was fun. I mean, I was working through the holidays, honestly.
SPEAKER_01:Really?
SPEAKER_00:It didn't really stop. I mean, I work seven days a week, so I had the Alamoana Huda show, which is where I perform. And from there I kind of just let the night go. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Uh, when you were letting these nights go, were you by yourself, loner status, or were you with a group of friends?
SPEAKER_00:I was with some group of friends, started off early, and then I ended up being alone at home. So, because I don't like to drive when I'm like drinking.
SPEAKER_01:That's safe. Keep it safe.
SPEAKER_00:Everything safe, but definitely tried to make it out to my friend's house. It's the second year in the row that I didn't make it out to her, and her mom definitely called me out on it yesterday. So she's like, is this Allenny's behavior now?
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, is this a recurring thing?
SPEAKER_00:Sorry.
SPEAKER_02:Auntie, she owes you.
SPEAKER_00:I do.
SPEAKER_02:Uh, you want to give her a shout out or anything?
SPEAKER_00:Um, no?
SPEAKER_02:Okay, cool. Auntie. Sorry, not today. Um so my New Year's uh on my cul-de-sac where I live, both sides, uh, there was fireworks going off. So me and the kids and the wife, uh, we were just outside. Just you know, looking left and right, because they were going off. Yeah, regardless of the 25k fine that Hawaii put out. My neighbors just because they're local. Yeah, I'm gonna skip it. You know, they didn't get it. Oh, the drones. Um that's funny that you said that because someone said that the drones were fake. There's there was a lot of fake drones out there.
SPEAKER_00:I'm pretty sure other people had their drones up and out.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:And there's only a certain amount of like radius that they can reach.
SPEAKER_03:Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_00:So a lot of those areas would be where all of the cop stations would be. So if you're kind of like deep in the valley and such, you're kind of safe. So I think after 11 or so, when people realized there was no cops coming down their streets, they're letting it go. They were popping off. But people were being safe about it. I watched a kid with a backpack full of fireworks ride up and down the streets, popping in different locations so that he couldn't be tracked. But I'm like, it's that far high up. Yeah, they could. Are you are they really going to catch you?
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, I was thinking that because how can you pinpoint one person out of like say thousands and millions that are popping it off, you know? I'll be like, oh, him. That's uh that's Chris Ruiz right there. We'll get him. Oh, that's Topanga Lominga, we'll get her.
SPEAKER_00:Right.
SPEAKER_02:How can you, you know?
SPEAKER_00:Like, and they're supposed to be reviewing the images and videos, but really how yeah, how are you gonna go unless you go interview the house? Like, who is this person? And showing them the video, no one's gonna rat anyone out. And if they do, it should not be.
SPEAKER_01:Snitches get stitches.
SPEAKER_00:Exactly. Why why you the fireworks ban is rough. Because I used to love doing the sparklers. The little Yeah, the little wand stuff. Oh my god.
SPEAKER_02:The babies love it. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00:But anything that goes off the ground, I mean, the other islands get to pop fireworks.
SPEAKER_02:Is this true?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Legally?
SPEAKER_00:Legally. So some if with like a permit, but some people will go up to the other islands just to pop fireworks.
SPEAKER_02:Really? I did not know that.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:You've been here, you've been living on Hawaii your whole life. Was it always um like New Year's Eve that popped? Literally.
SPEAKER_00:Always. Oh yeah. Yeah, we're well known.
SPEAKER_02:It's a thing.
SPEAKER_00:It's a thing.
SPEAKER_02:Okay.
SPEAKER_00:I mean, I've never spent a New Year's up in the States, but my dad and them who live in California, they're like, it's never like that here.
SPEAKER_02:Lightweight boring.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, you just go to a club and you count down and everyone just pops champagne.
SPEAKER_02:That's it, yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Like, that's no fun. Where's all the smoke and the everyone's coughing it up because it's so smoky out during midnight? Like, that's to me, that's fun. It's exhilarating.
SPEAKER_02:Definitely is. And one good thing that I saw, like, after uh New Year's Eve, uh January 1st and 2nd, you know, like the pile of like say the um the pyrotechnics. I see the aunties and uncles like cleaning up after themselves, which I thought was cool. They didn't leave their trash out. Yeah. So I was like, oh, that's pretty cool. Like all the years that I've lived on this island, I've been here since 2018. Um, the streets were clean, like if it's not the next day, then they're working on it. So the second it's nothing ever happened. Except for like, you know, ribs and stuff and chicken wings and stuff, you know what I'm saying? Like the food. But other than that, like all the paraphernalia, it is gone. Which I think is pretty cool. Because you know, kids be riding up and down. But yeah, kudos to y'all Hawaiians, locals.
SPEAKER_00:We like to keep it clean out here. But we make the kids do it.
SPEAKER_02:Huh?
SPEAKER_00:We make the kids do it.
SPEAKER_02:Oh yeah, hell yeah. Oh my god.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, you guys better clean it up. Girls, throwing away thousands of dollars. Yup.
SPEAKER_02:Man, let me tell you about kids. I'm at the point where my kids are they're nine and seven. They are talking back now. And I am I'm a really patient guy, but I get snappy. You know, like when my patience is like to that point, I'm like, I'm quick, you know? And I'm like, oh my gosh. And I have a the seven-year-old, she's it's the girl. Yeah, she's the one that's like naba naba naba. I'm like, oh shit, I have a problem here, you know. The guy, the boy, he's he's very lenient. He's just he's real attitude-y, he doesn't talk back, but it's the okay, all right, do I have to? But the girl is like, I don't want to do it. Yas do this in the third. I'm like, oh shit. I'm oh god, I'm juggling it right now.
SPEAKER_00:Do you and your wife um like swear to each other?
SPEAKER_02:We don't swear, but I do um, it's messed up. I spell it out. I'm like, S-H-I-T. Or I say other words to replace the swearing word. Okay, that's good. The nine-year-old's smart, so he catches on. Yeah, he's like, oh, what's frick? I'm like, oh, what the frick? And I'm like, oh man.
SPEAKER_00:Yes.
SPEAKER_02:Because I mean, we watch movies, he watches YouTube, he he's gonna listen to it, you know. So, yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Well, in the field that I work in, like applied behavior analysis, we focus on the environments that influence our behaviors. So everything on social media, everything out on YouTube, like a lot of kids are watching YouTube these days, they have so much access to everything that they are either imitating or modeling the behaviors that they're watching, and it's influencing them really, which is why I asked, like, you know, playfully, yeah, if you and your wife are just like, Man, shut up, like da-da-da-da. And the kids kind of like hear it, even if they're in another room, it's like their environment that they're learning from. So it's like a lot of times I'll my friends, some of them have kids that are so colohe.
SPEAKER_02:What does that mean?
SPEAKER_00:Oh, I'm kinda like rascal.
SPEAKER_02:Okay, okay, okay, okay.
SPEAKER_00:They just go all bonkers all the time. There looks like they're always eating sugar and stuff, but they're not, and they just don't listen. And I I'm that auntie to give that mommy stare if a kid talks back to their parents.
SPEAKER_02:Thank you.
SPEAKER_00:And I'm just like, um, what? What did you just say to your mom? You did not tell your mom to shut up, sir. You're too young to be doing that. And I'll look at the parents and I'll watch like their dynamics with each other, and I'm just like, mmm. That could be where it's coming from.
SPEAKER_02:Like when you hear this, these things like from kids talking like that to their parents, do you do you check it right away or do you like hold back and wait?
SPEAKER_00:It depends on my relationship with the parents. Like if I'm if I have a good rapport with them and they know me, then they trust me to just be like, eh, stop.
SPEAKER_03:Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_00:Go tell your mom sorry. Other than that, if I don't know them, like I'll be out in public and I'll see like a teenager kid or a younger kid just talking smack to their mom in public.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:I just look at the mom, try to get eye contact with her, and then I'll just walk past. Like, I don't butt in on people that I'm not close to, but people that I know, you stay in the lanes that you were.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. I'm like that when teens and little kids, when they drop the N-bomb. They drop the N-word. I don't care who the parents are, I'm like, hey, relax with that word, you know? Yeah, yeah. Because you say with the wrong I guess growing up in California, it's different, right? But you say with the you know to the wrong person. I understand that you know, someone could get offended, and if that person is really offended, we'll, you know, try to start something. And I also know at the end of the day it's a four-on-one battle because if a little kid was saying it, I mean if a teen was saying it, a black kid was like, yo, why you saying that four of you know, four of that brown kid's friends is gonna jump that black kid because of where we're at, right?
SPEAKER_04:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:So like I have a a real good knack of like, hey, shut it down. Don't say that word, you know, like say it with your homies, but don't say it out like that.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:I try to be respectful, respectful, but with authority when it comes to that N-word, you know? But then I talk to a lot of my black friends and they're real, they really don't care. Maybe it's because they are, like, say they're accustomed to it now. It's the ER that gets them, yeah, that triggers them, but with the G A, it's it's like an everyday thing for them. So they really don't care. But I still I mean, I think I'm in that position to where I'm like, hey man, relax with that. Or hey girl, come on, man, say another word.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, and I we I don't really hear like much of that happening out here. Sometimes I do, but when it is, it's it's done by like people that can appropriately say it. But here in Hawaii, it's kind of like hawle. Hawle is a word that people can either be triggered by or not, but at the root of it, it just means foreigner. Like if you're not born and raised here, you're technically howle.
SPEAKER_02:That's what it means.
SPEAKER_00:That's what it means. It's not because like you're you're white, like no. I mean, it's able to differentiate between the different cultures that are out here. Like, I can be considered local.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:If you're not from here, you can be considered howle. But a lot of times it's used towards people who are white in nature, you know.
SPEAKER_02:Let me ask you this. If my kids were I have one, the youngest one, she's born here.
SPEAKER_00:Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_02:Local?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, I'm born and raised here. You're local.
SPEAKER_02:So how about my nine-year-old son? He came here when he was one. Local?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, I mean, if you're here for more than five, six years and you grow up in this society, I'd consider you local.
SPEAKER_02:Hold on. 2018, 1922, one, two, two, two, three, two, four, two, five. Seven years. Almost local.
SPEAKER_00:Pretty local. Me local to me. It's different. People have different things. Like, yeah, I wouldn't call them Kanaka, because Kanaka in Hawaiian is kind of like people of this land.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. But I wouldn't, I would never claim that. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00:But if he he's basically raised on this island. Because my brother, too, he was um born in California and then he moved down here. But we grew up local. Local? Like local cousin's? Yes.
SPEAKER_02:So he's local?
SPEAKER_00:Local. Fine, you're good.
SPEAKER_02:Okay. Um, before we get these questions going, um, do you have any uh 2026 um what is it called? Uh resolutions.
SPEAKER_00:New Year's resolutions. Ooh, um, stay the same, same, same drive. Just keep it going. And fuck it. This year is all about just, you know what? Fuck it. I'm not gonna fear any new thing. Like this podcast wasn't gonna fear it. I'm like, I don't know this dude, never met him before. Nah, fuck it. Let's just do it. Because if you don't get uncomfortable, you're never gonna be comfortable.
SPEAKER_02:I like that. I heard that before. Also, she does jujitsu too, so she might probably whoop my ass. Yeah, I ain't gonna punch no female. I will shake the shit out you though. Be like, hey, what the fuck? But yeah, you gotta catch me first. Um, my new year resolution, I don't think I meant yeah. I'm 100% I didn't make one. New year, knew me, say me.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02:So it's it's uh it's more I think it's take more opportunities that are coming my way because last year I was um I was hesitant to say yes to a lot of things. Okay, like projects that I was like, oh, I don't know if this is me.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:But I don't know. I I think I'm at that age now to where I'm just like, you know what? I don't know where it's gonna take me, so might as well just do it. YOLO, you know, talk to all these people, get on these projects, get on these shows and whatnot. And um, balls to the wall, baby.
SPEAKER_00:I think I'm opposite. I think I'm done being a yes girl. Now I'm starting to say no. I took too much opportunity, especially in the relationship field last year.
SPEAKER_03:Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_00:A lot of fails. So now it's just like, well, you better come correct, or you can't come at me at all. Hold up, hold up.
SPEAKER_02:So you said you said a lot of yeses. What do you mean by by that? Do you mean by when a guy's trying to spit at you? You said, sure, why the fuck not? Let's let's go out.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, yeah, let's take an opportunity. Because I used to be so strict on like a list of things that a man had to have for me to be able to even go out on a date with them. Okay. And last year was just like, fuck it. Um, sure, let's go. I mean, you look a little rugged thing, like not completely tied up here. But we're just gonna do it anyways, because who knows it could work out. None of them worked out.
SPEAKER_02:Really?
SPEAKER_00:So bad. I did it for the plot. A lot of my friends have laughed at my 2025 fails.
SPEAKER_02:So but they can't, but your 2025 became a good story though, to share.
SPEAKER_00:Definitely, you know what I'm saying, with your peoples. Yeah, now my friends are kind of getting up there too with their stories. So we're evening out. This year is all about me.
SPEAKER_02:So when you went out on these dates, at least you know, like, say, what you liked and don't like. It's like you used to like this, and it's like, oh, you know what? He did, he did have that quality, but now it's like, oh, I don't like it no more. Has that ever happened?
SPEAKER_00:It has happened quite a lot. I think the more that I know, the less that I wish I didn't know.
SPEAKER_02:Really?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:In your 2025, were you almost, did you ever get yourself in a situation where you almost lived with a guy?
SPEAKER_00:No. The girl. Not a girl. I had like two major relationships in which I lived with somebody, and I think now I have this, like, I have this six-month rule. So people who know me know that in six months I you can't ask me to be your girlfriend. You have to like take me out, you have to court me, you have to get to know me. I will even try not to even invite you into my space because this is my like sanctuary. I don't want you to know where I live, and then you become obsessive and what you just show up at my door.
unknown:Nope.
SPEAKER_02:How about for the guy? Have you got into his space?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:You did. And how was that like? Um getting into his since he cannot go into yours, how was it going into his?
SPEAKER_00:There's been some back and forth where just like, oh, that's not fair. And I was like, I don't know, I feel like the man should be doing whatever he can. You want to get with me. I'm just living life. So if you want me to be in your space, that's totally up to you. I'm not forcing you to. And a lot of times they're just like, yeah, come over, come over. But of course, it's because of the whole lustful thing. Yes. And then you go into their space, and that's actually where I really like to analyze these men or boys. Some of them are boys. You just look around and just be like, Okay, so you still have your Pokemon cards hidden underneath your bench.
SPEAKER_02:What's wrong with that?
SPEAKER_00:Nothing wrong with that. I'm just like, if that's your entire life, right? Like you're a gamer like that, it's like I'm I'm not so much of that as a gamer.
SPEAKER_02:Alani, we are gonna dissect this podcast, this episode, we're gonna dissect what goes on your mind when it comes to these guys, right? Oh, yeah. All right, so you're going into this thing with a guy, he's asking you to come over.
SPEAKER_04:Yes.
SPEAKER_02:Um, he has more paper plates than actual bowls and dishes. What does that tell you?
SPEAKER_00:He's lazy and he doesn't like to wash dishes.
SPEAKER_02:But he's a single guy though.
SPEAKER_00:He's a single guy, which means everything is easy to just come and go. Just throw away. Just throw away. So which a lot of times that behavior can generalize over into his relationships. Might just be easy for him to come and go.
SPEAKER_02:You see that. I mean, you analyze it like that?
SPEAKER_00:Analyze it like that.
SPEAKER_02:As a guy, okay, so as a guy, when we do that, because I I was a single guy too. Um, when we have more paper plates than bowls, the paper plates are for me. But when I have people over, that's when I pull out the bowls.
unknown:Huh.
SPEAKER_02:Does that make sense?
SPEAKER_00:That's interesting. I've never seen it that way here on Island.
SPEAKER_02:Okay. Oh the my me and my guy.
SPEAKER_00:Me and again. There's so many different yeah. People in the the states are a lot different. Like men will move about differently in relationships than people here on Island.
SPEAKER_02:We'll talk about the island then.
SPEAKER_00:Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_02:Okay, so um I'm a big sneakerhead guy.
SPEAKER_00:Okay.
SPEAKER_02:So when you go into a man's um abode, you see sneakers, but they're in sneaker boxes. What does that tell you as a woman?
SPEAKER_00:Ooh. Um he values his image and he values nice things. So it depends, because there's different ways of like having a sneaker, right? Some people still have it wrapped, and they like to keep it because they want it to increase in value and eventually resell it. So that is someone who's like kind of thinking ahead. Um, someone who has like goals and very now that's my bad. And he said he was gonna roast me if my phone was on, I turned my phone off.
SPEAKER_02:Uh yeah, um, that was my wife. Uh sorry, babe. Um, you know what? Uh uh uh vibrate. There you go. Sorry, Bobs. Um, I'll call you back after this. Um go ahead, continue.
SPEAKER_00:Um for someone who keeps it in a box, I mean, it depends how many shoes he has. If it's an entire wall of it, could kind of insinuate that he might be self-centered. Because yeah, he is focusing on his image a lot. Some people are very frugal out here, especially in the islands. So I don't know. I've I've seen both sides. I've seen someone who just really likes nice things, but they could be spending their money unwisely. So financial stability could be in question.
SPEAKER_02:Really?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Okay. As a guy, when we buy sneakers, it's um, I think now it's because I have the money to. And back in the day, you know, like I had these rinky dink jobs, so I would I had to save two, three paychecks to get the sneakers or get the things I want.
SPEAKER_00:Okay.
SPEAKER_02:So now it's like, since I'm making, you know, don't jump me out. Don't don't don't try and rob me. Um, an alright amount of money. Like, I could buy the things I want, but like I'm not buying the toys that I want. You know, like I want to buy some Transformers too, but I'm not.
SPEAKER_04:Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_02:But the whole sneaker value thing, like having it wrapped up, because I used to buy two pairs of sneakers, one to we're on the feet, one to surround wrap, and if it get if it becomes exclusive, I could like double and make my money back. Yeah. Plus some. So I understand that, but the whole um oh man. Because I didn't have a lot of clothes, but I had a lot of shoes. So I liked this like, yeah. So what does that tell you? Like I wore the same f like four or five pairs of shorts. And this is on the island. I wore the same three, four, five pairs of shorts. I don't wear jeans because it's super hot.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Um, the shirts, I kind of like navigate on all wear this one week, forget about it, wear these other shirts, but then it's like a recycle, like I recycle a lot. I don't really buy a a lot of clothes.
SPEAKER_00:Sounds like you need to uh reassess your priorities. Why you have more shoes than you have clothes? Well, okay. Like an equal balance of it, but it depends on your spending habits.
SPEAKER_02:Let me tell you, so my my nine to five, I'm wearing the uniform.
SPEAKER_00:Okay.
SPEAKER_02:Therefore, I don't have to buy the clothes to wear to work because I'm wearing the same uniform day in and day out. Makes sense. Um, my wife nagged me, so I do have new underwear, new socks, because the holes are gone now. You know what I'm saying? Like I thought I had to throw that my you know, like the one, you know, my Chinese, the one that has holes in them that I really love because they fit so well, they're gone now. So I upgraded in that in that sense. Um when it came when it comes to like the shirts and stuff, like I'm getting them out like at deals now because I don't want to be spending 300 bucks on the shirt now, you know? My priorities are, man, these bills gotta be paid. I got a mortgage, I got a car payment. Yes, it's insurance. Oh my god. So I think the little money that I have, it's it's more like if after the wife got her things, after the kids got her things, I'm like, alright, I got this little, you know, I got this little six, seven hundred bucks I got left. Do I want to buy shoes or do should I like put it somewhere else? I'm like, fuck it, you know, I'm gonna get them because I really want them, you know.
SPEAKER_00:Do you use your shoes enough to gain back the value that you put into it?
SPEAKER_02:I have sold several.
SPEAKER_00:Okay.
SPEAKER_02:I have traded up. So that's what I've been doing. And also, my my little dude, I wanted him to have like a real nasty ass kick selection when he gets older.
SPEAKER_00:Okay.
SPEAKER_02:So, yeah, so because when I was growing up, I had some, you know, I had Jordans and I had I had some pretty nice pretty cool Nikes. I gave that to my daughter and she rocked them when she was in high school. Cause I mean, not in high school, but when she was in middle school, because they fit her. So I'm like, oh shit, you know, maybe I could do this with my little ones because they're shoe size.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Because my wife's shoe size, you know, little girls, my little girl could eventually fit into them. So that's why, you know, I want them to have like a real, like, oh yeah, I have variety. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:So that's like your own way of passing down like heirlooms. Yes, yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Because I don't I don't I don't like jewelry like that. I do like watches, but getting older now, like I like the watch that I have now, and it there's like no um message, it's not it's not an eye watch. It just it just tells me like my heartbeat, no messaging on here. So yeah.
SPEAKER_00:See, I do that with my aura ring. But I guess it makes sense like having those little things to pass down. In Hawaii, we do like the whole gold bracelets and stuff.
SPEAKER_02:Yes, I've seen that. I've seen that. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:So I guess in a way, it depends on your intentions for spending that money. Some people who just spend the money is because, like you said, they grew up from a time where they didn't have money, so now they have so much money they don't know what to do with it that they go crazy and they're like, I want this and this and this and this.
SPEAKER_02:Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_00:But they don't think about the consequences that come after.
SPEAKER_02:Yes, this is true.
SPEAKER_00:They just spend for that immediate gratification, and then now they're just sitting with thousands of dollars of shoes on the wall and their rent's not paid, or yeah, their truck's not paid, and they're just like, Well, um, what do I do? And sometimes when you try to sell it out here, people like to lowball you.
SPEAKER_02:Definitely lowball, yeah.
SPEAKER_00:So you don't you're not really getting the value back as much as you thought you would, unless you're like you're up in the states and everything up there is a lot faster than here in Hawaii. So I guess yeah, it depends. But I see a lot of people miss spending their money out here.
SPEAKER_02:Let me ask you, um, so you're you're seasoned out here in Hawaii. The gold chain thing. When I first got to the island, I've I've seen a lot of like obsessively and just large chains with the large crosses, you know. Yeah. Um, I have a little rinky dink one, but because I like it, it's really subtle, you know. I don't want people to be like, oh fuck, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So what is with this phenomenon with the big old chains in Hawaii?
SPEAKER_00:Uh it depends. If it depends on what um city you're looking at. There's funny, I don't know if you've seen if you've seen the reels. Okay. There's like reels that will kind of compare the chains to like different areas of the island. White and I being like the people who have the biggest chains out there. Um a lot of times it's to kind of show dominance. Like, yeah, I do got the money. I'm I am all that. Don't try to come at me, or I sell the drugs, you know, like those types of things. Um, sometimes it's just a 10K, a 10k chain, it's not really worth that much. But it really is just to show like it's a flex. It's a flex of what they got. And I think that's very irresponsible of people to do. When I see people with those really big chains, usually it's like really big guys that kind of look scary, so you wouldn't want to go up to them. But even their chicks got big chains too. I didn't want to wear mines today because I didn't want to look like that.
SPEAKER_02:Girl, you shut up. Because I'd have been like, dang, she coming in flossy.
SPEAKER_00:But I didn't even pay for my chain, so Ooh girl, yes.
SPEAKER_02:Um, women with the chains. Uh I've seen numerous of them. They have the license plates? Yeah. What is that about?
SPEAKER_00:Um, sometimes it's the guys that buy it for them. They want their girls to like look like them. Yeah. Sometimes it's passed down from family.
SPEAKER_02:Okay, I understand that.
SPEAKER_00:It can be like an heirloom thing too, but it is definitely more so of a flex. But gold out here is very valuable. Yeah. I mean, like, especially Hawaiian bracelets. You see all the girls with like the big bracelets on them. Yeah, the trinkets. Eventually, I want that, but yeah, these have like different meanings to it. Like it was created by not created, but the first person we really saw it on was Queen Lili Oo. And she had like an heirloom when she was coming back from her travels that was gifted to her. So it kind of like just became a tradition. A hula dancer or any Hawaiian girl out here, you want someone to give to you a gold bracelet. So that's gonna be my standard. I tell that all the time to people who I want to eventually get serious with that if someone wants to marry me, um drop that bracelet. Drop a bracelet with your last name engraved on it on the inside, it's gonna say, Will you marry me with a date? Because if you can invest that much in me, you're gonna invest in our relationship to build together. Because that is an investment.
SPEAKER_02:Wow. Um, so guys that are listening and watching, she has a prerequisite.
unknown:Yep.
SPEAKER_02:Before you put a ring on it, skip the ring and get her a bracelet.
SPEAKER_00:Yep, 12 millimeters. You better be able to design it in a way that you know will describe me because I will say no if it's not made correctly. But I will keep the bracelet.
SPEAKER_02:Wait, hold on. Wait, there's there's a there's a a certain pattern. You can.
SPEAKER_00:You can really. I thought it was already like pre-made or there's some of them that have pre-made, but you can make your own design and get it customed.
SPEAKER_02:Does it cost more to do that? To do it that way?
SPEAKER_00:Yep. And then by the weight of the gold too. There's like lightweight, medium, heavyweight.
SPEAKER_02:Would you want a heavyweight, medium, light? Does it matter?
SPEAKER_00:Um, doesn't matter. I mean, the intention is there. Okay. If the design is beautiful and you can get it just right, then yeah. But that means you have to really pay attention to the detail, yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Huh. Okay, okay. So a bracelet, um, yep. You told me that you have a you have a dog.
SPEAKER_00:Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_02:You also have a cat, yeah?
SPEAKER_00:I have a cat.
SPEAKER_02:So if the bracelet has a cat and dog, that's a place. Can can can't can the bracelet have a cat and dog on it?
SPEAKER_00:You can if you want to design it. Some people have, you know.
SPEAKER_02:No, but for you, for your specifications, if the person, if the guy was giving you a bracelet and it had like an engraved, like, let's say dog cat in the design, is that a keeper? Or is it one of those, uh, I don't want it looks kind of tacky.
SPEAKER_00:It would only be one part. If that was all he put on it, then it wouldn't be enough.
SPEAKER_02:Oh.
SPEAKER_00:Because there's more to it. It's kind of like he's weaving our story into the bracelet.
SPEAKER_02:And that's what it means, the whole that is cur. I like that. It's like um, oh god, Native American, uh, when they do their uh Native Americans, when they when they do their their um pass. I remember the name. I cannot remember for the life of me right now. Ah, that will. Question time. Um Miss Alani, is it too late to change career paths at the age of you know, 20, 30? Maybe people that are in 40?
SPEAKER_00:No.
SPEAKER_02:Is it ever too late?
SPEAKER_00:No, because I really think your life starts in like your mid-30s.
SPEAKER_02:Why do you say that? Why mid- why mid-30s and not like early 30s, late 20s, mid-20s?
SPEAKER_00:Well, a lot of times, well, 25, right? Psychologically, your frontal lobe is fully developed by the time you're 25. But at that point, you're still figuring out your life. So if you're jumping in and out of careers, it's okay. You're not really settling. By the time you reach 35, it's really when you start hitting the ground running, you should have enough understanding of where you are in this life and what you can do. And usually getting your financial stuff together. A lot of the mistakes can be made in the 20-year-old area. So when people think, Oh, I'm turning 30, it's getting a little too late for me, not at all. I've seen people become so successful because they develop the habits and the consistency by the time they reach 30 that even when they're like jumping into the 40s, it's still a lot more consistent than they were in their 20s. So the spending, the understanding that they want to settle down, because now it's like actually a realization like, yeah, I'm almost 50, half my life has nearly gone by. I should have my shit together. I should not be living at home with mom and dad. I should have a wife or a husband, I should have kids, I should have a house.
SPEAKER_02:Should have.
SPEAKER_00:Should have.
SPEAKER_02:Should have. In my 20s, I was um I was a hip hop dancer, I was a I was a DJ, and I also had a um a regular nine to five in an office. So I th when I reached like the pinnacle, like I I reached the ceiling of this office gig, I didn't know where to go. And this is like I'm my late 20s. I didn't know what else to do, right? So that's when I enlisted. So when I enlisted, I thought being enlisted, this was gonna be my career. And I was like, yo, this is for the birds. I don't know if my body could handle this. Because the point is 20 years, right? 20 years enlisted, 30 years old. I'm supposed to be 50 out. I should have gone in like right after high school.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:But um being enlisted, like around that time, around my age, I was I was already like um uh what's that word? Uh mature. I matured, so I knew what to say and what not to say um during like drill or during like my my basic training. So um, yeah, I got here and then I saw the opportunity of like how it is being a civilian.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:So that switched up my other, you know, like from being full-time to part-time. Now I have like this nine to five job, and this was in, you know, like the 30s, and I'm like, oh my gosh, you're right. Like it doesn't start 20s, like you don't have to start your career at 20s, you know? Yeah, so yeah, and like the whole perspective thing of oh yeah, I can spend money here and there. Now it's like, oh, I want to save for like these vacations and stuff. Like, I do have money saved up like since I was 20s, but it's not like I couldn't invest it the way I could invest it now. There's so many like avenues.
SPEAKER_00:That and just you're not really paying attention to investments when you're 20. Now, if you are, then you are ahead. Like for me, I have like investment accounts across different areas. I'm I try to jump into that, but that's just me. I it really depends by your environment, who you surround yourself with. So if you're out and you have the party friends and it's just like, let's go out every weekend when you're 20, yeah, that's fine, whatever, that's okay. Once you start getting into your 30s, it's gonna start getting old because your body starts to naturally change. So, like one drink when you get drunk one night, you take five to ten business days to recover versus 20s, you can just bounce back like that. So really surrounding yourself with people who can foster that type of behavior from you, like the people who are in finance, the people who are CEOs, like change your friend group a little, have that one person you can really look up to and just be like, Yep, I have a lot of big mentors in my life who reach sky high limits, and that's why I'm able to kind of just hustle the way that I do.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Leave the house by five, get home by 10 p.m., do it all over again the next day, work those three to four jobs like nothing. But to me, that's the key to success. You never just want to put all your eggs in one basket with one career. You kind of want to have your hands dipped in everything because now you can have supplemental income from those other areas that you are getting, and it keeps your life exciting.
SPEAKER_01:Right?
SPEAKER_00:I feel you.
SPEAKER_02:Oh yeah, yeah. Um, my wife, she's a makeup artist, and that's what she's known all like twenty ten. I'm gonna say 15 plus years. I don't want to like sh tell her age and shit. I wanna sleep, I wanna sleep in a bed. I want to sleep in a bed. Um but she's that's all she knew. So she's still in the makeup business, but now she's instead of putting makeup on, she's in the background now. Okay, so it's it's a same field, just different changes scenery.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02:You know, so um, you know, she was we were talking, and it was one of those deep conversations where I asked her, like, where do you see yourself in like five years? And she cried one time because she didn't know. But I reassured her, I was like, yo, you're in this different position. Just because you're in the same field, you're not doing the same thing. So there's you're growing, yeah. So be proud of you know your growth, even though it's in the same field. Like you could be a cook, but then years down the line, you could be like a Sioux chef, you know what I'm saying?
SPEAKER_00:Nutritionist.
SPEAKER_02:Oh, yeah, there you go. Yeah, like move up, but still same, yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Um, you said earlier that you had these three, four, or five jobs, right? Uh throughout your years, were they was it the same three, four jobs that you were having, or were you jumping in and out of them?
SPEAKER_00:I was jumping in and out of them. So that's like an interesting question that people will ask me. Before I stepped into my career as a behavior technician, I was like a barista, I was a cocktail waitress, um, I was at Bath and Body Works. Hey, Bath and Body Works. Like different things. And it looked like on my resume that I was jumping shit all the time. And it it wasn't because you know, I was just getting bored of a job, it's because I was seeking higher opportunities, like higher challenges. I at one point I was like a restaurant manager and I liked being in that leadership position. So anytime I looked for different jobs, because one, I needed the pay to be higher. I mean, living on my own since I was 18 out here is ridiculous. So having something that can pay the bills more was also like a thought in my mind. But it was because man, I can do so much more. Like my skills are being capped here. Like there's no there's no areas of opportunity to progress in this position. What can I do next? So then I started to find different like credit manager areas, and then finally I stepped into psychology where it's like I really found my place. So now from here, it's like, okay, I've been in this role for a few years, still going through college. I'm gonna sit for my BCBA exam, like a behavioral analyst position in the career, but I also want to be able to help more. So where does that lead me? Sexual health, um, starting a program to become a sexual educator, sexual counselor, to help the community that I'm working with, mainly like autistic individuals. And then um I have the financial route where I kind of work with a financial advisor and being able to like, you know, maybe eventually set up investment accounts for these autistic individuals who will have eventually. Your own life one day, and then it kind of just all started to work together. Hula even goes into that too because it's a discipline. Hula teaches you discipline and teaches you how to be poised, um, the compassion and like grace, which I utilize in my work.
SPEAKER_02:Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_00:Because you need to be really patient with these individuals that you're working with.
SPEAKER_02:Oh, I can see that definitely. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:So all of it has a connection to each other. Even though they're vastly different, it works together and I like that.
SPEAKER_02:And you say s you're working seven days a week.
SPEAKER_00:Seven days a week.
SPEAKER_02:Um, have you during these seven days, right? Have you ever had like a mental crash out?
SPEAKER_00:Um, yeah. Quite a lot. I'll go through cycles where I'm just like hard grinding for three months, and then one day I just go home and I'm like crying on my shower floor. Um, but it's I think it's healthy to cry one. That's a healthy behavior to do because you're actually releasing all of the tension that's like built up in your brain. Like the water that comes out is because it's like being built up up here. So to physically release it releases all that tension. But I've done pretty good. Um in my field of ABA, we have like these different curriculums that help with social emotional stressors. So it helps building my resilience throughout time. And I'll talk about this like on my Instagram and stuff, where like practicing acceptance commitment therapy on the go is um it helps to prevent your burnouts. So I've actually been pretty good at it. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:How about as having a partner when he's going through it? Have you had that experience to where he had a crash out? And when and when and if he did, how were you able to get him out of that?
SPEAKER_00:So I had two very long relationships, all of them lasting about close to five years. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:And oh, she's a keeper, five years.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Wow, okay.
SPEAKER_00:But um, when they go through crash outs, a lot of times it's different. I can anticipate it because I start to see the changes in their behaviors. But sometimes guys just don't want that help. They just want you to be physically present with them. But if you have to like reach over and just be like, hey babe, like do you want to talk about it? A lot of people are still averse to talking about their feelings. Yeah. And I get it, because it's like a pride thing, right? You don't want to look weak. This um society kind of conditions the men to feel like it's not okay to talk about your feelings because now people can have the one-up on you. Like, oh, you're weak or bruh, you're you're such a simp. You just want to talk about your feelings all the time. But I think from time to time it is there's such a thing as being too emotional.
SPEAKER_02:Oh, yeah, 100%.
SPEAKER_00:Guarantee, like, don't be puppy dog on me. Like, you still have to have some balls, sir. But it's okay to talk about feelings, especially if something's really bothering you and you really don't know how to release that, talk about it, and then I can provide like some of the tools, especially in my field. But that's where a lot of my relationships kind of failed, because they get intimidated.
SPEAKER_02:Is it because you're giving them like a free therapy session when they're essentially and they feel like I'm always analyzing them, which is hard.
SPEAKER_00:I can't always turn off my analytical news.
SPEAKER_01:Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00:It's it's not meant to hurt you, it's meant to kind of keep you accountable too. Like, hey, we've been working on this. I told you communication is very key. Why aren't you talking to me? Like, you can say it out right now. It won't hurt my feelings if you want to be honest and you're like, oh my gosh, I don't want to talk. I just want to like sit here. Okay.
SPEAKER_02:But that doing that from experience, somewhat of a downfall because you we and I I'm I'm uh I'm guilty of this. I want you know my wife to read my mind without me saying anything, but that's like the wrong move. Yeah you know, like 99% of the time that's the wrong move because yeah. So um, oh, because I go to therapy now.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:And I think because I've been going to therapy sessions, I know how to effectively communicate.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:However, I know when to shut up. And it's uh it's one of those things where when my wife is like telling me some stuff, and I'm just like, you know, I don't have the energy to retort back, I tend to just bottle, bottle, bottle, bottle. And then when it when it comes to that point where I'm like, okay, I got you on this one, it's like, yeah, it's like I let you win, but then this is my it's my turn, you know? And it's like I don't think it's unhealthy, but I I don't think it's like the right move to go.
SPEAKER_00:No.
SPEAKER_02:But it's I don't know, I think it's oh my god, it's kind of fun because it's like I'm letting you win like 95% of the time, but then when it comes to this one thing where I'm just like, you know what, skip that. I'm winning this one because I know I'm in the right. Then I'm going, you know, I'm going for your juggler. You feel me?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. So it's like, is that as a as a woman that's gone through these relationships and you've got you know this this education, what does that tell you?
SPEAKER_00:Uh man, bottling up your feelings.
SPEAKER_02:But then it's a it's a but bottling it up, I I use it positively though.
SPEAKER_00:Like I to go for your juggler.
SPEAKER_02:No, no, no. So like I bottle it up and then and then I go do like some, like, say, some physical thing, and I'm like, you know what? I am wrong. Or like I see, I try to like that little time and space, I try to see in her perspective to where I'm like up here and it goes down, you know?
SPEAKER_00:That's good. Trying to turn perspectives around. Yeah, trying to see yeah, that really is like a therapeutic um technique to go through. So I mean, it depends. It really that's why making sure that you and your partner are compatible with each other is essential so that you guys know your different communication techniques. Like for you, you need that space and you need to kind of step away to really think about it. Versus some guys, they they don't think before they talk. And if you don't understand that pattern with them, then you could be triggering their responses, which is why, like for ladies, you know, being reactive is not always the best thing. Like, I know like sometimes we can stay really quiet, and then if a guy comes at us, we're just like, please don't push my buttons, please don't, and then you start yapping, right? Yep in their face with it. Guilty. But then that could be reinforcing why he then continues to come back at you because he knows that he can rile you up like that, versus holding your control, waiting, and staying present and just being like, hey, I know I'm mad right now, but it's not gonna help if I uh go at this with violence. We're not gonna go fire with fire. And that really is true, because then you really don't work anything out. You guys just come into that very toxic cycle of when we get mad, we both get really mad at each other, and the next day we make up. Then we get really mad at each other, and the next day we make up, and then eventually someone starts to grow resentment and you guys start to shift apart. And then now you have one person fighting for the relationship and another person who either turns their head a different way and starts seeking someone else, or you guys just end up falling apart. Oh yeah, wow.
SPEAKER_02:Um, are you more of a logical or an emotional reactor?
SPEAKER_00:I am a logical person now. I used to be very emotional. I used to think that when I would cry in front of a guy, I would be able to soften him enough for him to be like, submit to me.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:That's what I used to do. I used to use that tactic a lot. Now it's just like I look stupid.
SPEAKER_02:Yes, you know what? Yeah, uh 80% of the time when women do cry, it's like, why are you crying?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Us guys and as a vet, season vet, I've seen it before and I'm like, I know what you're trying to do. You can't play that card, not anymore, you know. So, how did you, you know, like say, when did that switch come up from emotional to logical for you?
SPEAKER_00:Um definitely getting into psychology and then experiencing men who did that to me. I watched a man cry on the floor in front of me, begging me to stay with him. And I'm just like, Ew.
unknown:Is that what I did?
SPEAKER_00:Oh my god.
SPEAKER_02:Whoa! It used to be like So was it a flashback for you?
SPEAKER_00:Like it was, it was. I used to to my very first relationship, I don't know.
SPEAKER_02:Like begging to come back.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, someone to keep someone with me when he was already checked out. I would like beg for him to stay, and I'm like, dang, I can see why that's not attractive to people. And I'm watching a man do it, and I'm just like, no, no, not this time. Get up, save your dignity, sir, and walk, go. The door won't hit you on the way out. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Mm-mm. Next question. Uh, which is better in your perspective? Because you've been on both sides of the fence. The single phase, um, oh, three sides of the fence. The single phase, the talking phase, or being the together phase. Like which one do you did you find yourself more enjoyable in?
SPEAKER_00:Um the single phase.
SPEAKER_02:You like the single phase more?
SPEAKER_00:Just cause now when people try to spit game at you, it's not genuine. I don't think it's not genuine, it's just not intriguing. Why are you gonna DM me and say W Y D? Yeah. Like oh, you're not gonna be able to doing what you doing. I'm like, I'm that old. Oh my gosh, sir. Sir?
SPEAKER_01:Sir again. I know, holy crap.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, like it's not. I mean, I've tried the dating apps and I've I've scrolled through and just people just don't know how to start conversations. And if you ever like people don't even do their research before they even try to come at you. Like some people will spit game whether you're in a relationship or not, or whether like they know what you like, you know, like preferences of like sexes and stuff. People will just spit game to whatever because they think it's fun.
SPEAKER_02:I think um the the era that I grew up in, it's without the internet. The I'm not that old, but it's pagers. You know what? Yeah, it's without the social media. Okay, that's the that's the era I grew up in. And I think it was um it was wild, and it was really good to talk to people and find out their interests. And that's what when I was single, that's how like I got the second and third and the fourth dates, is because I kept on adding on to oh, what else do you like? Oh, your favorite color is this? You like this cooked, you know, yeah, this part, you know, this way. And then with now, because my daughter, she's 21 and she tells me her um her stories, it's very easy to you know see what other people like. And by doing so, and I don't know, maybe it's just my old school brain, it's it the conversations could be boring because if you're posting every day on your story, it's like, what else can I talk about with you? You know, I mean that's I mean that's how I see it. Or if you're liking cats, well then shit, how do I dig deeper into that cat conversation? What type of breed do cats do you like? Do you use that new nail cutter that you know is that how the conversation would go to get, like, say, in this time of age, to get to know a person better with whole with this whole social media thing?
SPEAKER_00:I think social media one has so many barriers because you're not truly, unless you've mastered it, you're not truly showing your true self on there. This is true. There are a lot of ways to kind of like pull out.
SPEAKER_02:Manipulate it, yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Um but I think getting in physical contact with the person, being able to sit right in front of them and talk to them has so many benefits because you can read their behaviors.
SPEAKER_02:This is true, yeah.
SPEAKER_00:And instead, like women were very intuitive, like that. We can tell when a man is feeling us and when he's not, and when he's kind of just there because I don't know, he likes how we look and he likes our body and stuff, but he doesn't necessarily want to talk. He just wants to get physical with it. Like you can tell all those things too in person when you're on social media, you can read through messages, which is a very, very like messy game because he could read into something that's not even truly there.
SPEAKER_02:Oh my god, oh my god, I gotta sorry for that. But keep on, keep going, keep on.
SPEAKER_00:And I a lot of times you'll be like, oh man, this guy's really liking me. He's texting me 24-7, like he's so consistent. You get in person and you're just like, Why? Why is he acting so cold? Oh dull. He's dull. Yeah. And it's just like they have so much confidence behind a screen. You bring them out, and they realize one, they don't like you, or two, you don't like them. And it's it's hard. I hate, I hate trying to message people on social media. Oh, likewise. And it's just like, uh, here we go again. Uh this is gonna be an excruciating one hour. Thanks for my free dinner. Can I go home now?
SPEAKER_02:Oh, well, you are you're that person. Um, my cousins tell me, they ask me all the time, why do I because when I get a message, I I used to give myself a 24-hour um, I guess a 24-hour leeway on messaging back, right? I know it's the wrong move, but recently, and this is like the past, I'm gonna say past several years now, um, they ask us like why am I so fast to respond, right? And I'm saying, you know, I think it's a disrespectful thing. Like if I could get to my phone, I'll get to my phone and I'll, you know, definitely respond back. But um I don't know, make I think it's like a business thing as well, too. And I like being prompt. So for people that if I don't text back, it it either means that uh and I I left them on red, yeah, but I get them back like within that 24 hours, it either means I had to think up with the message or like I saw the message and I'm like fuck, I'll get to it when I'm like not doing something. Yeah, and then some you know it's sometimes slips, but yeah, like I'm really prompt when it comes to to like voicemail messages and actual text messaging. Cause uh I don't like leave I don't like being left on read, you know. Like if I put like if it's an open-ended question or like a comment, yeah, I'll be like, all right, cool. But if it's if it's a lingering question, I'm like, fuck you, man. This is why are you like not responding back? It's I feel some type of way.
SPEAKER_00:I mean, I do too if if I really enjoy the conversation with the person. Yeah. But I am unfortunately one of those people who will leave you on red.
unknown:God damn.
SPEAKER_01:I hate you right now.
SPEAKER_00:I mean, like even this morning, even this morning I had someone send a very, very long, meaningful message, and I'm pretty sure it was like a prayer to me, or like, you know, happy new years and stuff. I don't know this user.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:So like I just kind of like opened it and I was like, ah shit. And then I just closed it and I didn't read it. And I'm like, I'm sure that person's gonna see that I read the reply back, but I'm I'm also always on the go. So I kind of have like that excuse to, you know, and then I see it. Yes, I can there's different priorities, and right now messaging you back is not a priority, and I'm yeah, it's like no disrespectful way. Like, I'm I don't take it personally unless I tell you stop messaging me, and I don't reply back after that, then you know I warned you. But other than that, sometimes I just can't get to it.
SPEAKER_02:Huh.
SPEAKER_00:Sorry.
SPEAKER_02:Um, you know what? People people have a problem, and I said this you know, several episodes back of saying no to people. Like, can you work overtime? Yeah, sure, you know, I got it, I got it. What's you what's wrong of saying, oh no, I cannot work overtime? Or can you go pick up my you know, can you pick up pick me up some soap? No, you know, like do it yourself. People are afraid to say no. Um, do you have that problem now? No, right? Because you just told me, but you before you told you I used to make it for you.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, yeah. Hey, can you do this report for me? Yes. Hey, can you work this shift for me? Yeah. And I would do it to the point where like I eventually got sick. Uh-huh. Like I was like dead in bed, and now it's like now I have no money coming in because I'm out here doing favors for everybody. Like this year, mm-mm. Kind of gonna shift it. Like, in a way, if I can make it happen, I can. But if it's going to inconvenience me or kill me, it's gonna be a no negative, hard negative. You're gonna have to figure that out. Just figure it out. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:I like telling my kids that to figure it out because um they asked me to do things for them, and I've we've done it together so many times to where they should know how to do it now. Yeah. Right? But because, you know, like, oh, can you do this for me? I'm like, yeah, sure, bet. It's it's nothing. I have to ease back and be like, hey, you gotta do it, man.
SPEAKER_00:Like, I'm sorry.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Builds discipline and responsibility.
SPEAKER_02:Let me ask you what talking about responsibility. Why are kids that graduated high school, you know, they're 18? Because you said you moved out in 18. Why are they still staying home?
SPEAKER_00:Well, so I was kicked out at 18. Correction. Um, I didn't choose to move out. No, I was kicked out. I was forced to streets. But um, the kids these days, again, it's the economy. A lot of it's the economy. It's hard to get a job, um, especially if you come from a generation like this younger generation that are seeing people who are becoming millionaires on TikTok for doing something so easy, as simple as this on a video, and you're getting paid for it. I can see why they don't want to go above and beyond and be working like a McDonald's job till like midnight and stuff. So that, and parents actually encourage their kids to stay with them. You know what? Just stay with mom, go to college, like we'll pay for your college. As long as you're going to school, you can stay with me. My dad tried to do that. He tried to move me up to California to live with him so I can finish my education, which is fine. But I just think then it kind of in enables our kids to get lazy and be dependent, dependent on their parents. And, you know, I've met people who are still like 30, 32 living with their mom and dad, and it's like it's so hard to get out there when they do work a full-time job, they do have money saved, and now they're spending it on new cars, they're spending it on shoes, they're spending it on jewelry. It's like, no, you're just too scared to get out there by yourself because you're so conditioned to live off of your parents. Like, harsh truth. You're you're like being dependent on them. You get to come home, you have meals cooked.
SPEAKER_02:Automatically, yeah.
SPEAKER_00:You always have food in the house, you don't have to worry about grind buying groceries. And some people choose to do that if you have like a higher, you know, goal in your life. Like, okay, I'm here because I'm able to save three thousand dollars a month and eventually I'm gonna buy myself a house. But they become trapped in that dependent cycle that they just never go on to the dreams that they want because they're not taking steps towards that dream. They're complacent.
SPEAKER_02:Scenario. When you have a child, if ever and when, um by that time, 18, booting him or her out, or they're staying with you.
SPEAKER_00:If you stay with me, you're paying rent. If you have a job, you're gonna start paying rent. You're gonna start busting butt around the house.
SPEAKER_02:Is school important to you?
SPEAKER_00:It is. Yes.
SPEAKER_02:The the college route or the um uh uh trade school route. Doesn't matter what kind of school.
SPEAKER_00:It doesn't matter what kind of school, as long as like you're higher you're engaging in higher education is fine with me. Um but if you're after 18, if you choose to not pursue college, then you better have a pretty good idea of what it is you want to do with your life. But I would encourage and maybe I would even support financially going to school. But yeah, if you're living with me under my house and you're 18 and you're capable of holding a job, you're gonna go get a job. You're gonna start paying some rent. I'm not gonna charge you up the butt, but I'm also not gonna go out and like co-sign on a car for you, you know, do those things that it could reinforce their behaviors of just being like, Mommy need help, mama need help. Like, I'm gonna raise you well enough to know that you can do it yourself because that's the goal. Yeah. When you raise your kids, it's eventually so that they can become independent on their own and survive in this world.
SPEAKER_02:What's a lenient um rent? Like, what's because I I'm charging my kid rent right now.
SPEAKER_00:Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_02:My 18-year-old. 19 now. What's lenient?
SPEAKER_00:How much do you charge her?
SPEAKER_02:Him. Um sorry. He I'm I'm only charging him five.
SPEAKER_00:Five hundred?
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Does he buy groceries?
SPEAKER_02:No.
SPEAKER_00:Oh. Does he like everything no? Okay. Um, uh, that's a little lenient for me. I would say nine.
SPEAKER_02:Nine?
SPEAKER_00:Nine hundred.
SPEAKER_02:Wow. Okay. Well, you're uh she's the mean one.
SPEAKER_00:I I will be that strict mom. I know that, and I have to thank my mom for that.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, definitely yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Like, you're not gonna, uh-uh, girl, you're not gonna walk all over me. I know you're gonna have my attitude. Guarantee you're probably gonna have my attitude, but don't do SAS to me, you're out up your rent. Because you know what? I get up to rent$50 every year. You want$50 to go up every year? Again. That's that's like, you know, but I mean it depends. If she's like really good, straight A student, doesn't give me any problems, doesn't try to sneak boys over into the house, maybe I'll drop it down to$7.50.
SPEAKER_02:$750. And it is it be is it because that you're doing her cell phone, you're she's still under your your insurance.
SPEAKER_04:Yep.
SPEAKER_02:And this is all including utilities as well. So everything bundled up into seven.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Or nine or whatever.
SPEAKER_00:Okay, and if I'm like in a house that's like four or five bedrooms and I'm paying like eight grand a month to keep a roof over your head, oh, definitely your job. Is nothing okay compared to like what rent out there is. Now, if for some reason I get inherited a house and everything's paid off, yeah, why are you gonna charge your daughter something? I don't have a mortgage to pay.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Then I can see where that becomes. But it definitely builds character and it prepares them for when they go out. Girl, it's gonna be$3,000 for a two-bedroom by the time you reach 18. Yeah. So it's to prepare you and hopefully you're at a good job and you're holding on to your money correctly.
SPEAKER_02:Girl, let me tell you, this not this year, sorry, 25, I started charging my 18 slash 19-year-old boy rent because I told him I was like, yo, I know you don't want to go to school, which is fine with me. I could care less, but you got a job. Therefore, you're gonna start dropping on shit at the pad because you're not you're not um, you're not buying groceries, you're not helping me and your mom out with your brother and sister. All you're doing is just chilling in your room, going on your computer, doing this and the third, whatever you do.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:So I was like, yo, five, six hundred bucks. And this is because, you know, because my wife was super against it. She's like, why are you charging them rent? I'm like, yo, man, I gotta do, I gotta be a parent first. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, because I told her if it was my daughter, the 21-year-old, and she's going to school, yo, rent would be like two, three hundred. But it's because I know her character. She would help around with the house without being asked. She'll take care of her brother and sister, she'll buy groceries if she had money. You know, like I know her. But the boy, it's us guys. But I wasn't, I was never like that. But with this one, he's a little, you know, he's a little on the lazy side. So I have to, I have to do that in order for him to like catch on.
SPEAKER_00:Did you buy everything in his room for him? Um You have like a TV, you got the gaming set.
SPEAKER_02:His gaming thing, no, he bought it, he bought it himself. The only thing that's it the the it the only thing that's in his room that I purchased was his bed and his AC. Everything else was like hammy downs, like his drawers and stuff. Everything else was either a gift that you know we got him for you know Christmas or his birthday, or um ex-girlfriends or or whatnot.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. I think that's good. I think kids have to they have to earn whatever's given to them. Fuck yeah. Yes. Your raises and stuff. So preach why shouldn't that start at home? That protects them eventually when they go into the real world by themselves. They fly the coup, like you should be doing everything to, in a way, protect them that way. And eventually, yeah, my mom used to say this all the time you'll understand when you're older. And I do. Oh, yeah. Now they may hate you for it now, doing all those chores and like staying up late to finish their homework and stuff, but eventually it's going to help you because you get hired at a desk job, you're not leaving that desk until that report's finished, especially if it has a timestamp. So, again, similar to finishing your homework at night, um, cleaning up the office, you know, having like good cleanliness skills because you all of those things like they start at home. Yes.
SPEAKER_03:So, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Understand how to understand your money, understand your respect towards your elders and stuff. Like, you're not gonna talk to your boss like that because you're scared. Why would you talk to your um mom like that? Because you're gonna end up like me getting kicked out. Don't don't do it, you know. Good job, Auntie.
SPEAKER_02:I mean, if you didn't get kicked out, you would I don't know, I don't know what path that would have been, but now you're on like some pretty good path. Yeah. Like I would probably figure yourself out. Oh, if you would have stayed home?
SPEAKER_00:If I yeah, did not get kicked out, I would have flew out to college.
SPEAKER_02:Really?
SPEAKER_00:Yes.
SPEAKER_02:You would have been a Stanford alumni?
SPEAKER_00:I would have been Stanford, yeah. My academics were pretty good that I was getting accepted to like a lot of good schools out there.
SPEAKER_02:I got accepted to Berkeley.
SPEAKER_00:Oh, nice.
SPEAKER_02:But then I went to San Diego State.
unknown:Why?
SPEAKER_02:Oh, I just like San Diego a little bit. Oh, get off the back.
SPEAKER_00:Why? Well, uh Berkeley is pretty good.
SPEAKER_02:Um money situation.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, same.
SPEAKER_02:It was the money.
SPEAKER_00:My scholarship was only for like one year or so.
SPEAKER_02:Ugh.
SPEAKER_00:But then also my mom wanted help and she wanted me to go to UH, so I went to UH, ended up dropping out.
SPEAKER_02:And that's when you got kicked out?
SPEAKER_00:No, I got kicked out kicked out because I was with my boyfriend of four years, um, or five years even, and but he was four years older than me. And so my mom used to do this thing, which I don't know, moms out there, guys, be careful. I understand like you want to protect your girls, but is it really appropriate to have your boyfriend's phone number and texting him throughout the week saying like, hey, good morning, and then getting pissed off because he's not responding back to you.
SPEAKER_02:Oh, that's wrong. That's a rough fact.
SPEAKER_00:See, okay, is that I thought that was for me. That's weird and wrong. And then my boyfriends at the time used to have to request to see me at least a week in advance.
SPEAKER_02:Maybe that's why.
SPEAKER_00:And then my mom, but like she would randomly text them on the weekdays and just be like, hey, so and so, good morning. How's your day?
SPEAKER_02:How old's your mom?
SPEAKER_00:She right now. Oh my gosh, how old is my mom? She's like over 50.
SPEAKER_02:How about back in the back then when she was texting your boyfriend? How old was she? Like 30?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Was she one of them moms? Like, was she a MILF?
SPEAKER_00:No.
SPEAKER_02:At all.
SPEAKER_00:She she looks um very rugged. She had like a mohawk, she had giant cages, she has a shit ton of tattoos all over her body, and she's a short Filipino lady. Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. She would strike fear into the hearts of my friends. But um okay. Yeah, so she was very stern about that, and she was very adamant that I was gonna get pregnant by 18. She's like, you're just always so boy crazy. But I think it's because when you hold someone in so much, they want to go and be rebellious, versus like allowing them the freedom to fail on their own and then educating them after. I was like, okay, so what do you think went wrong here? And then being comfortable having those conversations, like be comfortable having those talks with your kids. I know you want to protect them, but kids will be kids, and we know what we did back in those days.
SPEAKER_04:Yes, we did.
SPEAKER_00:So why not just already assume that they're gonna follow in your footsteps and either prepare them for it or just educate them on how to like be different?
SPEAKER_02:Facts. I like that. Yeah, girl, that was fun.
SPEAKER_00:Oh, thanks.
SPEAKER_02:Very welcome. Uh confession time. This is a part of the uh pod that we say uh you well, the guests say I think they heard all my shit. The guests say a confession, whether it's uh fun or meaningful, whatever, no need to dream, no need to name drop. Do you have a confession, a goofy one?
SPEAKER_00:Um, to that one dude that dunks me through text. You're not a man, sir. Just saying.
SPEAKER_02:Through text.
SPEAKER_00:Through text. A man will break up with me in person.
SPEAKER_02:Wait, wait, how old were you?
SPEAKER_00:It was last year. Through text. Through text.
SPEAKER_02:We need a break. Is that is it one of those did it start off um Alani? We need a break.
SPEAKER_00:No, it's um, hey, you know, I love this person, I'll always love this person, uh, so I need to go back to them and you know, I wish you the very best. And sorry it has to happen this way.
SPEAKER_02:But he and he couldn't tell you in person?
SPEAKER_00:No.
SPEAKER_02:Let me ask you this before we get off. If he would have done this in person, would there be like a goodbye canoodle?
SPEAKER_00:I would have respected him more for it, and I would have been like, okay, you know what? That's final, fine, go.
SPEAKER_02:Could he have come if it didn't work out with the the other person, could he could he would he have a chance of coming back to you because he did that?
SPEAKER_00:No. Because if another girl can take a man from me, she can have him. He should have known, like, we I set I set my boundaries that strong. You should know that by the time you become exclusive with me, I'm gonna go all in. You break that trust and you go, there's no chance of coming back.
SPEAKER_02:We have a little bit of time left. Um, last one. Uh you guys were together, he got a job, like say a th a three-letter agency, right?
unknown:Okay.
SPEAKER_02:Can't bring you with them. He has to break it off with you because of this job. Can he come back?
SPEAKER_00:Yes. Because I would understand. Okay, I'm not gonna keep you away from your dreams. You wanna go chase them? That's fine. But understand that if my life takes me a different way and you do come back, I'm not gonna leave that life for you. But if I'm still available at that time and you come back, yeah, sure. We can talk it out. And then hopefully, you know, you're doing good.
SPEAKER_01:Take me with you.
SPEAKER_02:Yes. Umani, do you have any shout-outs or anything? And then where can these people find you at?
SPEAKER_00:Um, you can follow me on my Instagram. It's uh I don't know. How do I how do I just it's right here? But um, yeah, shout out to all my friends. Hey guys, I finally jumped on the podcast. Um, don't judge me, love you, Lacey. Okay.
SPEAKER_02:That's it. Um, shout out to Travis, thank you for the hat. Shout out to my auntie Jessica that's out here. Uh she's visiting from the mainland. She's helping us with the kids and with the home problems that we're having right now. Not problems, but incidents that happened where we needed extra help. Shout out to your auntie Jessica, thank you so much. Um, KO studios, thank you for the lovely home. Raffi body, thank you for the lovely beats, man. And with that, I'm Chris.
SPEAKER_00:I'm all Lenny.
SPEAKER_02:And we out this bitch. Peace.
SPEAKER_00:That was good.
SPEAKER_02:Yes.
SPEAKER_00:I don't know what you think.
unknown:Um
