Love After Loss, Patience in New Relationships & Healing Outloud with King Katty

You’ve probably met someone who looks “tough” and assumed they don’t feel much. This conversation flips that myth on its head. I sit down with Hawaii fighter and full-time mom King Katty to talk about what strength actually costs, how boundaries keep you safe, and why emotional pain can be harder to heal than any black eye in the gym.

We start with her origin story: running the streets, fighting out of anger, and then finding boxing at a small backyard gym where a crew of girls became the first “Lady Animals” training together. From there we get into modern dating and relationship advice that’s blunt but clean: men approaching her cautiously, why social media kills mystery, and the standards she refuses to compromise on like communication, loyalty, and clarity. We also talk about dominance that feels secure versus arrogance that gets checked fast, plus what she values most in a partner through acts of service and words of affirmation.

Then the real heart of it: grief, guilt, and love after loss. King Katty shares what it’s like to heal out loud after losing her husband, raising five kids while the house still has to run, and finding patience in a new connection without rushing labels. We close with parenting, structure, and the kind of discipline stories you will not forget, plus where to follow her and details around her upcoming BKFC fight. If you got something from this, subscribe, share it with a friend, and leave a review so more people can find the show.

• her origin story from running the streets to training boxing with the Lady Animals
• being recognized in public and why men approach cautiously
• protecting privacy in the social media era and keeping mystery alive
• what kills attraction fast and why inconsistency does not fly
• simple relationship standards like communication loyalty and clarity
• dominance versus arrogance and reading a man’s energy
• love after loss including guilt and comparing new partners
• patience in new relationships without rushing labels
• raising five kids with structure and trust
• emotional pain versus physical pain and why self-work matters
• blended family anxiety and introducing a new partner gently
• fighting as therapy and healing out loud
• parenting advice for teen relationships plus dinner table rules
• discipline stories including docking allowance and taking a door away
Instagram, King Katty on Instagram. I think it’s king.Katttyy. Make sure you guys are there. Ticketmaster will have tickets.

Transcript

Meeting King Caddy

SPEAKER_03 0:06

4321 Welcome back to another episode of the Relationship Method podcast. It's your boy Chris. Today I got a very special guest. She is a mama bear. She is a fighter. And she is um gracing this pod. Man, I got catty up in this bitch. Thank you so much for having me, Chris. I'm so excited to be here. Girl, I'm excited to have you here. Hot damn. Um, Caddy, how was your day today?

SPEAKER_00 0:37

Today it wasn't bad, actually. Um, so we drove over from Wai Night from Miley area. Weather sucks. Yeah. Weather's shit right now. We're going through a storm, but I had to make it here.

SPEAKER_03 0:47

You had to?

SPEAKER_00 0:48

There was no way I wasn't coming.

SPEAKER_03 0:49

Ooh, girl. Um, how did I get the yes from you then?

SPEAKER_00 0:52

You just had to ask.

SPEAKER_03 0:54

What?

SPEAKER_00 0:54

Yeah. You got it like that, Chris.

SPEAKER_03 0:56

You know what? Oh, you better stop. I just cut that one.

SPEAKER_00 1:00

He's like, shit.

SPEAKER_03 1:01

It's okay to shoot your shot. You know what I'm saying? Um, when I DM'd you, um, it didn't come off like as creepy or, you know, who's this other horny guy trying to get in my street?

SPEAKER_00 1:12

Oh, not at all. Not at all. I don't ever get horny weird messages.

SPEAKER_03 1:16

Really? Yeah, no. Okay, okay. Um, so how did it come off as like was it just a really genuine? It was really genuine. What not?

SPEAKER_00 1:24

I think what had helped was I had just done um uh online podcast with Destiny McCubbin. She's based over in Vegas. So when yours came in too, I was like, oh shit, another one? Somebody wants to talk to me.

SPEAKER_03 1:38

The the planets are lining up.

SPEAKER_00 1:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:41

You feel me? Um, what is your uh regular nine to five, if you don't mind me asking?

SPEAKER_00 1:45

Um I am basically a full-time mom and then part-time server over at the break room in San Island.

SPEAKER_03 1:52

Break room. Is that the name of a is that a restaurant? What is that?

SPEAKER_00 1:55

Yeah, yep, yep. It's a restaurant on San Island Access Road. I think we're like the we have the best food for sure in Kalihi. So definitely come check us out. Yeah, it's so good.

SPEAKER_03 2:04

I'm definitely gonna check you out.

SPEAKER_00 2:05

Yeah, you have to Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 2:06

Um fuck. What was I gonna dude? You got me lost in words. What was I gonna say?

SPEAKER_00 2:12

His mind running blank, y'all.

Childhood Chaos And Boxing Origins

SPEAKER_03 2:14

Word for real. That's that's that's real talk. Um fighting. How did you get into how'd you get into this?

SPEAKER_00 2:21

Okay, it's kind of a it's kind of a a lengthy, a little bit of a lengthy story.

SPEAKER_03 2:26

I saw it, but yeah, yeah. Like explain.

SPEAKER_00 2:28

I grew up, um, my grams raised me over in Makilo. My mom was going through her own battles, so she didn't have custody of us. A lot of times I would run away from home. Always was the black sheep. Um, never felt like I belonged, so ran away from home a lot. While I was on the streets, I would get into a lot of shit. Get into a lot of fights, pick fights with people, just mad at the world, angry at the world. Um, maybe like intermediate school, my friend Ty, I was going to Ilima Intermediate in Eva Beach. Shout out Eva Beach. And he recommended, he's like, yo, you know what? You're always out here fighting. Like, let's let's do something with that. Let's do something. Come to the gym. So there's this little gym called Animal House in Eva Beach, super OG place. Like, we grew up in a backyard boxing, like, real, like, not so much run down. We were grateful for everything that we got, but super small backyard gym. Um, we went there, and I remember the first day I was sitting there, I was waiting for the coach to tell me what to do. But at the time, there was no female fighters, there was no female girls training, there was nothing for females. So he kind of brushed us off the entire practice. We left, and then he asked our friend Ty, he was like, Hey, weren't those girls with you? And they're like, No, they came to box. So he ran out before we could catch the bus back out, and he was like, Hey, you guys come back tomorrow. And from there it was just history. So we became the first group of women um out of Eva Beach who were a group that trained together, who were all girls. We were called the Lady Animals back in like 05, 06.

SPEAKER_01 3:55

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00 3:56

Yeah, there were seven of us. And so that's how it started. Um, and then from there, it was just like I fell in love with the sport, it got me off the streets, it got me doing things that I didn't think I could. Um, and just opened opportunities, you know.

SPEAKER_03 4:10

What happened to the other six, if you don't mind me asking?

SPEAKER_00 4:12

Everybody, you know, we all grew up. We all grew up. Actually, one of them, um, Kylan Karan. She was the first toy um MMA fighter in UFC. No shit. Yeah, Kylan Karan. Yeah, so she lives out in California right now with her husband Keanu Hasing.

SPEAKER_01 4:27

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00 4:27

Yep. She's a surf a famous surfer, but they're trying to make their way back home. So there's a bunch of us. There was Kylan, there was Priscilla, there was the twins, Alex and Angelica, um, Annie, myself, and then oh boy, am I missing one? I think I think that's it. I'm gonna get, I'm gonna get, I'm gonna get it if I forgot something.

SPEAKER_03 4:46

It's okay. Sure.

SPEAKER_00 4:49

Okay, it was years ago. But yeah, I mean that that is the origin story of where it all began.

SPEAKER_03 4:55

Speaking of your nine and five, we were talking we were chopping it up um a little bit, and you said you were doing shirts. What's the shirt thing? Like, are you doing business for shirts? You said you were making shirts. You apologized for you's like, oh, I got caught up doing shirts.

SPEAKER_00 5:10

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So support shirts. Support shirts.

SPEAKER_03 5:14

Oh, yeah. That's like your face with your name.

SPEAKER_00 5:16

Right, right, right. Oh, that's it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we got um shirts coming in. It was just like, I think yesterday I didn't get a chance to respond to you right away just because I was trying to put everybody's orders in and confirming everybody's shit.

SPEAKER_03 5:26

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00 5:26

So that's why I didn't get back to you until later.

SPEAKER_03 5:28

I mean, hey, it's it's all gravy.

SPEAKER_00 5:30

I was like, I gotta turn this shit in. We've run podcasts tomorrow.

SPEAKER_03 5:33

Oh, you're good, you're good. And um, side note, you have your daughter and her um her boyfriend here, yes.

SPEAKER_00 5:39

Yes, her mean, yeah. Mia, my, my mean.

SPEAKER_03 5:42

Yeah. Uh what made y'all um bring them along?

SPEAKER_00 5:46

You know, honestly, my daughter Layla, everybody who knows me knows Lei. Um, she is my unpaid personal assistant, my unpaid videographer. So everything that you see on social networks, she is probably a thousand percent behind the camera making sure she catches everything. I she's just she's my right hand, honestly.

SPEAKER_03 6:08

Is she getting paid? You getting paid?

unknown 6:09

No, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:10

She gets paid in Starbucks?

SPEAKER_03 6:11

Well, you know what? She's living in the house.

SPEAKER_00 6:14

Right, there you go.

SPEAKER_03 6:15

My god, using her shoes.

SPEAKER_00 6:16

I wish she got too much.

SPEAKER_03 6:18

She's getting paid. She just doesn't know it yet.

SPEAKER_00 6:21

She got Jays on, bruh.

SPEAKER_03 6:22

Oh, man. You ready to get in?

SPEAKER_00 6:24

Yeah.

Dating As A Known Fighter

SPEAKER_03 6:25

Cool. Um, are men scared of you? Uh or wait, nope, let me take that away. Um, let okay, be honest. Do men approach you confidently or cautiously?

SPEAKER_00 6:35

Cautiously.

SPEAKER_03 6:36

Cautiously.

SPEAKER_00 6:37

Cautiously. I would say, um, yeah, cautiously, especially when I when I'm at work. Um, I feel like, and not to sound cocky at all, but definitely cocky. Not to sound cocky at all, but I feel like they recognize me. Oh. You know what I'm saying? So I I could be like waiting on a table and they'll be like be staring me down. So I'm like, oh, maybe they need something. And I'll come by and be like, I'm sorry, you guys need anything? Did I forget something? And they'd be like, hey, you King Caddy, right? And I'm like, uh. So they're a little bit cautious because they already know of who I am as far as like what I'm about, I think. Um, and I try to give off, I don't know. People say I have a very masculine vibe about me.

SPEAKER_03 7:13

Okay. But I didn't get that at all.

SPEAKER_00 7:16

See, that's what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_03 7:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:17

That's what I'm getting.

SPEAKER_03 7:18

I'm saying Maybe it's because I'm I'm not from here and because I just recently just saw your stuff. Yeah. So I'm like, I'm not no no way, shape, or form intimidated or whatever. Yeah, see, there you go.

SPEAKER_00 7:31

That's the word too. And I think because um a lot of people who do try, I have bigger muscles then. So they're a little bit intimidated.

SPEAKER_03 7:38

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00 7:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 7:39

I could swim a faster lap than you.

SPEAKER_00 7:41

I'm pretty sure you could. I kind of swim. I can swim hair away. Ain't nobody swimming around here.

SPEAKER_03 7:46

Oh, okay. So they're they're cautious. So, like, has a guy or a man like when they try hitting on you or like talking to you, are they stumbling in their words and everything?

SPEAKER_00 7:57

A little bit. Or they'll stare for a little bit, and I'm like, You got something to say? Like, what do you just say what you want to say? Don't stop. Like, it's weird when you just look at me.

SPEAKER_01 8:06

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00 8:06

You know, so a lot of times I have to like be like, yo, what's what's going on? But there are those few that come in and know of me and are like, oh what? I got bits in the trunk? Why you like spar? Like, you got you got what in the they're like, I got gloves in the trunk.

SPEAKER_03 8:22

Oh, what would you call them? Spar? What'd you call them? Bits?

SPEAKER_00 8:25

Mits, or they'll have bits. And they'll be like, I can vote for you. You know what? You should probably fix your straight red. And I'm like, you should probably fix your teeth and get out of my face.

SPEAKER_03 8:33

But that's she can snap back too.

SPEAKER_00 8:36

And that's when that's when I start to get intimidating, is because when you pressure too much and I'm not, I'm a lot of times I'm not feeling it.

SPEAKER_03 8:42

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:42

I'm very quick to be like, ah, nah, you're not it. You know?

SPEAKER_03 8:46

Really?

SPEAKER_00 8:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 8:48

That's insane. Um, I think it's different on the mainland because, like uh before I was married, long, long time ago. I would have shot my shop and be like, hey girl, nice shoes. That was like that's the line. Yeah. Nice shoes.

SPEAKER_00 9:01

Compliment myself. Don't tell me you want to fight.

SPEAKER_03 9:03

No, no way.

SPEAKER_00 9:04

Because I'll take you up on it. But Hawaii guys are different. They think that's flirting.

SPEAKER_03 9:07

This is facts.

SPEAKER_00 9:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 9:08

This is facts. Like I've heard a lot of stories, especially on this plot, how um forward um island guys are towards women that they think um, you know, they're attractive or just just want to hit skins or whatnot.

SPEAKER_00 9:23

Yeah, yeah, definitely. They definitely push differently. Um, for me, I try not to entertain too much just because I'm not in a space where I want to be entertained.

SPEAKER_02 9:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:34

But I'm not a total dick either. You know what I'm saying? So I'm like, if you're coming off in a respectful manner, I'll I'll entertain the conversation. But if you're coming off as like some arrogant, cocky, like girl, I'm da da da da da da. You're not. Let me put you back in your place.

SPEAKER_03 9:48

All in all, you're still a woman. Right. You know, like you're still feminine. Yes. You know, you is it's just you know how to box.

SPEAKER_00 9:56

That's what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_03 9:57

That's it. But you're still core feminine. You still like the flowers, you're still delicate. Absolutely. This and the third.

SPEAKER_00 10:02

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_03 10:04

Um, do you ever soften yourself so a man feels more comfortable?

SPEAKER_00 10:09

You gotta be him. I've done it once in my life. And I was just with my husband.

SPEAKER_01 10:13

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00 10:14

Um, but even that, that took a little while too, because at the time when I met my husband, I was only 15. We started dating when I was 16, and so I was still learning a lot about myself and kind of like toxic and prideful as a teenager and whatever and whatnot. Um, but eventually, yeah, of course, I did come to this the place in my life where I softened up a ton. And then after everything, um I kind of had that shell back up.

SPEAKER_02 10:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:40

And so I'm like, uh, nobody deserves access to me in that way. So I'm very, very, very particular about who I share that part of me with. That's good.

Social Media Kills The Mystery

SPEAKER_03 10:50

Yeah. Um, especially like in this whole social media space, everyone wants to know everything about you, especially when like I tell my daughter like don't put too much info out there because the next person be like, hey, how's your day? I saw you over here. Yeah. How did that go?

SPEAKER_00 11:06

Right. So there's no um mystery to anything anymore.

SPEAKER_03 11:10

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_00 11:12

At all.

SPEAKER_03 11:12

You know what? I'll skip these questions. The whole mystery part, right? This is what I miss of like being old school, because being old school, you have to get the info out on a date.

SPEAKER_00 11:23

Yeah. Like you have to put the effort in.

SPEAKER_03 11:25

Yeah, unlike now, where you know the person, oh, she likes cats, she likes to read, she likes to go to Target on the weekend.

SPEAKER_01 11:32

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 11:33

But before it's you have to get that out of her. Otherwise, that really it's it's a gud. It's like, all right, have a good day. Thank you for the coffee. I'll catch you on the flip.

SPEAKER_00 11:44

Exactly. And that's what I feel like. A lot of things nowadays are ingenuine. And so, even more so, I protect my peace a lot because, like I said, when I met my husband, I was young, we didn't have, like you said, we had MySpace on dial-up. You know what I'm saying? Like, we, you know, you gotta wait a few minutes to get connected to the internet. Yeah. Nowadays, these kids can't wait. They ain't waiting for no dial-up. They ain't got no patience, so they ain't got time, or they don't think they have time, or they don't want to put that effort into to get to know somebody.

SPEAKER_02 12:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:10

Because they have no patience. Which whereas we like, I feel like we take those genuine connections a little bit more seriously because we understand the effort it takes to get there.

SPEAKER_03 12:18

Definitely. Especially as a guy, too. Um, it helps us learn how to react to a no. Or you know, maybe react react to a yes.

SPEAKER_04 12:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 12:28

You know, so but we really take rejection. I guess people like in my generation, we take rejection pretty good, unlike now, to where people are just off in themselves.

SPEAKER_00 12:39

Spaz out, yeah. Oh my gosh, yeah. Spaz out. I've had somebody where I was like consistently no, no, no, no, no, and completely spazz out on me.

SPEAKER_03 12:49

Did the no did suitors, when you're giving them the no, did one of them ever got the yeah?

SPEAKER_00 12:56

No.

SPEAKER_03 12:57

Out of girl. There you go. You suck your ground.

SPEAKER_00 12:59

No, you can't toast that damn down. Absolutely not. Because if I told you no 20 times and you're still pressing me, and not even like in a cutesy way, it's like cutesy, demur. Yeah, very not in a demure way. Like, no, you're out. It's out. That's out.

SPEAKER_03 13:14

What's the quickest way a man can lose your attraction?

SPEAKER_00 13:18

Um, inconsistency, dishonesty. I'm honestly, I I'm not hard to please, but I do hold men to a certain standard if they're gonna deal with me.

SPEAKER_03 13:31

What's the standard?

SPEAKER_00 13:32

And it's simple. I think it's simple.

SPEAKER_03 13:34

All right, what's a caddy standard?

SPEAKER_00 13:36

So for me, if you really want to be taken seriously, all I need is uh communication, loyalty, clarity. Um basically that's it.

SPEAKER_03 13:49

When you uh said clarity, like do you mean like transparency? Yes. Like instead of me if you and I were dating, instead of you asking who I'm hanging out with, you'd want me to be like, yo, I'm hanging with the boys. Yeah. So and so's girlfriends might be.

SPEAKER_00 14:06

Like just tell me straight up, like, hey baby, you know what? I'm gonna go out tonight. Um, the kind and his girl, the kind and his girl and a couple other people were gonna go over here. I'll see you later. Okay, cool.

SPEAKER_01 14:16

Uh huh.

SPEAKER_00 14:17

You know? Just don't be weird. Don't be on some sneaky stuff because I'm a I'm a peep it, and then you gotta go. I have like zero patience for foolery.

SPEAKER_03 14:27

Zero tolerance.

SPEAKER_00 14:28

Zero tolerance.

SPEAKER_03 14:28

Is it because you're older now and you know better?

SPEAKER_00 14:30

Yes. I think so. I think that's something I gradually had to learn with time, and even um even like within the last three years, I think three years ago I was in a different space than I am now, and I think right now is like where I'm full force caddy, like this is what it is, and this is you know, whether you you're with it or you're not.

SPEAKER_03 14:51

Ooh, speaking of that, Caddy, um, do you like control or being controlled?

SPEAKER_00 14:57

I you know what? I would say a little bit of both. I'm I'm very two-way. So if you give me the space and I give you the space in return and it's a safe two-way street, that's what I prefer. I don't want to control you because I don't want to be the dominant person. I'm a female. Like he's you know? Yeah, yeah. I'm definitely in my female era like energy, and I I want somebody who's more dominant than I am because that's your role as a man.

SPEAKER_03 15:21

Definitely.

SPEAKER_00 15:21

I don't want to be a dominant female, even though I can come across to be, but if it's where you understand me and I understand you and things are good between us, I prefer a two-way street.

SPEAKER_03 15:31

Caddy, let me ask you this. Yeah, what is your um like man, right? Dominance. What is your like way of knowing a guy is that one, like a dominant person and not like a person that takes the backseat? Is there an aura or some type of uh visual aspect of the dude that you could tell?

SPEAKER_00 15:52

It's not so much a visual aspect. I think I can tell a lot by somebody just the way that they carry themselves as far as like even walking into a room.

SPEAKER_04 16:03

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 16:03

You know, energy for me, energy is a lot. Um, I also feel like if I can be my assertive and dominant self around you and you don't take offense to it, you kind of in a sense encourage it, but not let me get too big-headed, then that's kind of a thing for me where I'm like, oh okay, he sees he sees that I'm assertive, he sees that you know I'm a leader and he's gonna let me lead up to a certain point. Yeah, you know what I mean? That's where I'm like, okay, maybe I can follow this person.

SPEAKER_03 16:29

Oh, following up on that, have you ever scared someone that you know you were dating just by your intensity?

SPEAKER_00 16:38

I don't know. Maybe.

SPEAKER_03 16:40

Ask your daughter. Maybe has she scared anyone off with her intensity and her ferociousness?

unknown 16:48

I don't think so.

SPEAKER_03 16:49

I don't think so. Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_00 16:51

I think the men kind of like that.

SPEAKER_03 16:53

Oh, they're like they're like the firecracker in you.

SPEAKER_00 16:56

They think they do. They think they think that.

SPEAKER_03 16:59

But then when they experience the firecrackingness first hand, and it's like, oh shit.

SPEAKER_00 17:04

I'm like, you thought this was a friend? This is real life. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, and so like a lot of times I think people I think they look at it and they're like, oh, this girl is this, this, that. And from the outside, I think maybe people are drawn to that.

SPEAKER_01 17:17

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00 17:17

And so you you experience it firsthand, that kind of lets you into my world a little bit, and then you because a lot of times some guys will try to assert dominance over me.

SPEAKER_01 17:26

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00 17:26

But in a cocky way, where's where I said before, like, I have to check that. So I'll check it, and then I'll be like, yo, she's actually crazy. Like, I don't know. Like, why are you like this? And I'm like, This is what you signed up for.

SPEAKER_03 17:38

Does um does that aggression does it translate into like passion as well?

SPEAKER_00 17:43

I'm very passionate. Very, very passionate. I don't know if you know about zodiac science or anything like that.

SPEAKER_03 17:48

Um, I'm familiar.

SPEAKER_00 17:49

A little bit. So I'm in Aries.

SPEAKER_03 17:51

Okay, okay, okay, cool.

SPEAKER_00 17:52

Aries, we're like super passionate, super driven, super leadership, super spontaneous. Uh-huh. Um, we don't let anybody get too close, but if you're close, you're like stuck forever.

SPEAKER_03 18:03

Really? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:04

So if I let you in and you can deal with me, like my loyalty is to you for life.

SPEAKER_03 18:09

Word?

SPEAKER_00 18:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 18:10

I think I saw you post something like that.

SPEAKER_00 18:12

Yeah.

Grief And Love After Loss

SPEAKER_03 18:13

Girl. I'd be paying attention. I'd be paying attention. Um, this might be like a TMI one. Is your makeup sex after arguments more intense for five? Is it more intense for fighters? Especially, you know, you're a fighter. Is it my?

SPEAKER_00 18:27

I think it depends. It depends. It depends on your fight. So, me and my husband, we're both fighters, right? Um, so yeah, makeup, sorry, Leila, close your ears. Yeah, makeup sex with my husband. Ugh, my goodness. It's definitely.

SPEAKER_03 18:42

Furniture's being moved.

SPEAKER_00 18:44

Like, we have to wait till all the kids are not anywhere near the house within the vicinity, within a one mile radius.

SPEAKER_01 18:51

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00 18:51

Um, but yeah, it's just on top of that, when you love the person, it's super passionate, and then you know what each other can physically take.

SPEAKER_03 19:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:00

So it definitely hits different.

SPEAKER_01 19:03

Oh shit.

SPEAKER_00 19:04

Definitely hits different.

SPEAKER_03 19:05

Well, yeah. You and I talked, you know, condolences to your hubs and everything. I appreciate that. Um I don't know if I could ask this one, but do you compare, you know, new men to To my husband? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:16

I try not to, but I can't help it.

SPEAKER_03 19:18

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00 19:19

He's like the only He's the standard. Yeah, he's the standard for sure. I know in my heart that maybe I won't ever come across a man like that again or a love like that again, which kind of sucks, but I'm blessed to have experienced it when I did. But he'll always be the standard because I was with him from when I was 15. So that's more than half of my life.

SPEAKER_03 19:38

This is true.

SPEAKER_00 19:39

Yeah, so so in a way, it's like he's the only thing I have to compare to other men, but it's not fair to the uh to the new guys, you know what I mean? To walk in like, oh shit, how the hell do I get up there?

SPEAKER_03 19:49

Has anyone ever came close?

SPEAKER_00 19:52

Um, I think in the beginning, I wanted to be loved so bad that I let people in that maybe didn't deserve that position. And then now in the space that I'm in my life right now, I see things a lot more clear, and I can honestly say nobody has come remotely close that I've dealt with in the past. I am I am in talks with this one person though, who's kind of he's kind of up there. He's kind of up there, but you know, we're taking our time with that.

SPEAKER_03 20:25

This is a good follow-up, one then. Was there ever guilt after, you know, uh meeting this new uh this this person this new person? Yes. Is there guilt?

SPEAKER_00 20:34

Yes, absolutely. Um guilt is something I live with every day.

SPEAKER_03 20:37

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00 20:38

Every single day. Um, whether it be relationship-wise or like even the guilt of being able to watch my kids grow up.

SPEAKER_02 20:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:46

You know, so in in different ways of my life, in, you know, I do deal with guilt every single day, especially in the relationship aspect, because I don't know, it just feels weird when you're used to one person for your whole life and then somebody else comes in and you're you're letting down your guard and you're, you know, it's kind of like one of those things like you just don't kind of know how to deal with it. Because I'm not all the way healed from it either. But I like this relationship I'm in right now because it's very patient. Very patient.

SPEAKER_03 21:17

Being patient, could you tell, I guess, listeners, like, what's what is being patient? It's like not giving up the cookie. Is it like sharing the bank account? Is it sharing the keys? Like, what's patient?

SPEAKER_00 21:29

Patience for me um is not trying to rush into labels.

SPEAKER_01 21:34

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00 21:35

I, yes, cookie for sure. Cookie is put away, cookie is stale, cookie's cookie's been in cookie's been in the cookie jar for a second, okay? She's stale. Um But you know, having somebody who is fine with that, you know, who understands like everything that I've been through and the standard that I hold myself to and considers that a As well as my kids and you know, all that other type of stuff, and is not trying to be like, I've been talking to you for this long, and you know, now you know, I want a label, especially with everything going on, um, as far as the fighting stuff goes, because there's a lot more attention right now, you know, and he never rushes me into trying to solidify or like be like, no, I own like he's never trying to be owning of me. Everything is in our time, like we both move at the same sp lit the same pace, because I'm not in a rush, rush to be like, this is my man, y'all. Yeah, this is my man, and you know, and he respects that too.

SPEAKER_03 22:34

That's good. So he wasn't, I guess he wasn't one of the guys that tried saving you then.

SPEAKER_00 22:39

Yeah. He kind of sits back and is like, nah, you gotta figure this out for yourself. Ain't nobody gonna fix you.

SPEAKER_03 22:44

Girl, I like that. Yeah. Especially with you know, with kids and I guess, you know, with spouses, it's like, I've done this so many times, I want you to figure it out now, you know?

SPEAKER_00 22:54

Yeah, yeah, for sure. So he gives me that space and um it just feels safe. It feels safe because he's patient, I know he's not gonna go anywhere, and he kind of gives me really good advice, um, leads without being overbearing.

SPEAKER_03 23:07

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00 23:08

Um, and just lets me figure stuff out for myself.

Leading A Home With Five Kids

SPEAKER_03 23:10

How does a man like um like lead a household? Like in a, I guess in a positive way?

SPEAKER_00 23:19

Um, I think, well, for me, because I have kids, I think it's a little bit different.

SPEAKER_02 23:23

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:23

I think it's kind of he's good with the kids too, honestly. He kind of has this little structure about him where he's like, I don't know, he gives great advice, he has great structure, he just like, hey, you guys gotta listen to mommy, mommy, you know, mommy does this for y'all, mommy does that, you know, you guys gotta make sure you guys get mommy straight. You know, and it's simple stuff like that because I don't expect anybody to come in and play stepdaddy. Yeah um, but my kids are so like open and welcoming to it. Uh-huh. So even that hits different. It's like, okay, that's that's a good, like, that's a green flag for me. Like if my kids like you.

SPEAKER_01 24:00

That's good.

SPEAKER_00 24:00

Yeah, my kids like you, my kids respect you, and your opinion matters to my kids, then there's something, you know.

SPEAKER_03 24:07

So he puts things in like in perspective.

SPEAKER_00 24:09

Yeah, for the kids.

SPEAKER_03 24:09

For the for the kids.

SPEAKER_00 24:10

Yep, yep.

SPEAKER_03 24:11

Um, yeah, five of them.

SPEAKER_00 24:13

I have five of them.

SPEAKER_03 24:13

What are the uh what are their ages?

SPEAKER_00 24:15

Alright, so Layla over here is gonna be 17 this year. Aizen will be 16.

SPEAKER_01 24:20

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00 24:20

Aiden will be 13. Um, then we have Aizen, he's gonna be seven, and Rosalia will be five.

SPEAKER_03 24:29

Girl, let me ask you. Yeah, your final time going to Target, going through the toy aisle, are you gonna cry?

SPEAKER_00 24:38

Um, no. Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_03 24:40

You'll be like, thank god.

SPEAKER_00 24:41

Have you seen them prices on them toys?

SPEAKER_03 24:43

Yeah, well, I've seen them, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:44

Bro, no, because my daughter, Rosalia Bikara Ali, so we'll go to Target and she'll like we can spend forever in the toy aisle and she'll spend like 20 minutes deciding between two toys. Yeah. End up getting them both, right? Just to get her out of the toy aisle so we can go home. We'll go home, she'll play with it for like two hours, and then she just leaves it alone. And I'm like, I did not spend no$80 with these two toys.

SPEAKER_03 25:11

I super hate that.

SPEAKER_00 25:11

She's gonna go play with a box.

SPEAKER_03 25:12

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00 25:13

She's gonna go play with something that you know is already in the house. And I'm like, yeah, no, yeah, no. I think I think we're kind of out of the toy phase already, though.

SPEAKER_03 25:22

Really? How did that make you feel? Because I had a discussion with my wife and she bawled. Like she started crying. I was like, yo, because our youngest is six.

SPEAKER_00 25:31

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 25:32

I was like, imagine not going through the toy toy aisle anymore, and we're just going through footlocker, or you know what I'm saying? Like, what they need.

SPEAKER_00 25:40

You know what?

SPEAKER_03 25:40

How do you feel about that? And she was like, I don't even want to think about it. I'm like, girl, this is gonna happen, but shit.

SPEAKER_00 25:46

Yeah, no, actually, when you put it like that, I would rather take the toy aisle than walking through footlocker any day.

SPEAKER_03 25:52

Oh, me too. Because 40 over like a buck 20. Oh my god. Oh my god. Honestly.

SPEAKER_00 25:58

I get lucky with her because she and I have the same size feet, so we share shoes a lot. Yeah. My boys, my boys, Isen is like a size 15.

SPEAKER_03 26:06

God damn, what is he like?

SPEAKER_00 26:08

A linebacker? Bro, he's huge. And then my son, who's 12. My son, who's 12, 8, and he, I think he's there's a size 13. Uh-huh. So my boys are 13. Yeah, my boys are bigger than me. Holy fuck. Yeah. God damn. And then they play football. So I'm like, yo, cleats again? What are you talking about?

SPEAKER_03 26:24

Yeah, right. So I guess like, since they're so big, like the hammy downs, they don't too much warnterior.

SPEAKER_00 26:32

Even my husband's clothes, so a lot of stuff, like, I still kept everything.

SPEAKER_01 26:36

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00 26:36

I kept everything. I still have, but they honestly, their growth spurt hit so crazy at the time that he was gone, like, they never had the chance to really use any of his shoes. And man had mad shoes.

SPEAKER_01 26:46

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00 26:47

Mad shoes. They're just sitting in the closet now, and I'm like, I don't know what to do with these shoes. I guess I gotta wait for my youngest son to get big enough to grow into them. But yeah, there was no, I wasn't able to give my boys much hand-me-downs because they just grew so fast from my husband's clothes. Huge kids.

SPEAKER_03 27:01

Ooh. Do you feel more desired now or before kids? Like, you know, your your status or you know, I guess your physique. Like, are you desired really? Now for sure.

SPEAKER_00 27:11

Well, before I had kids, I was 18 when I had her. So I also feel like I was coming out of my ugly teenage era.

SPEAKER_03 27:19

You had a glow up too.

SPEAKER_00 27:20

I didn't have a glow up. I feel like a little bit of a glow up. Like, I started touching up my mustache a little bit.

SPEAKER_03 27:28

Mind that motherfucker.

SPEAKER_00 27:31

So I'm like, I started doing my hair, you know, I started like wearing clothes because I was kind of a tomboy like my whole life. And so once I realized like I'm like, wait, I've got a man now. So I was with when I was with my husband, I'm like, I you know, Gary, Gary ain't trying to be with a hobo half the time. So I'm like, okay, let me get right. Um, and then so up until that point, I was always just like catty the bro.

SPEAKER_01 27:54

Uh huh.

SPEAKER_00 27:55

Caddy the bro. Just real, like, I don't think anybody took me seriously. And then once I had kids, and then I started taking my care taking care of myself as a woman, and then especially now that I'm single, I feel like now it's even, you know, like I look different, I got my shit together, and I got like all these things going for me. So yeah, I definitely feel like it's now.

SPEAKER_03 28:13

Go ahead, girl.

SPEAKER_00 28:14

Yeah. She said 34 and way. She's a big girl.

SPEAKER_03 28:17

Hey girl. Do you ever crave touch more than companionship?

SPEAKER_00 28:21

Never.

SPEAKER_03 28:23

Why is that?

SPEAKER_00 28:24

Never because touch is just like goddamn, I can touch myself. There's that. And I also feel like touch is so worldly.

SPEAKER_03 28:34

Explain that one.

SPEAKER_00 28:35

It's so worldly. Like you I will never crave touch over what was what was the word companionship. Companionship just because that is temporary. Like companionship means so much more to me because I'm a deeper person than just a physical touch.

SPEAKER_03 28:52

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 28:52

Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_03 28:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 28:54

Yeah. Like I I could physically touch everybody and not give a shit. Like I I crave death.

SPEAKER_03 29:00

What's your love language?

unknown 29:02

I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 29:03

You don't know?

unknown 29:03

No.

SPEAKER_03 29:04

You wanna tell me? There's um touch. There's uh acts of There's Acts of Service.

SPEAKER_00 29:11

Okay, wait. There you go, there you go. Let's figure this out.

SPEAKER_03 29:14

I know him, but I just don't know him. Off the top, right? Uh there's um words of affirmation.

SPEAKER_00 29:19

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 29:20

There's Is there five? I think there's five.

SPEAKER_00 29:23

I think there's five.

SPEAKER_03 29:24

Do you know him?

unknown 29:26

This is like driving me insane.

SPEAKER_03 29:27

Oh, we kind of suck right now.

SPEAKER_00 29:28

I mean, you got Google over there.

SPEAKER_03 29:30

Um, okay. Um okay, so yeah, what do you like?

SPEAKER_00 29:33

I think, okay, for sure, those two service and affirmation.

SPEAKER_03 29:37

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00 29:38

I feel like a lot of times I'm an overthinker as well.

SPEAKER_02 29:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 29:41

As confident as I outwardly display, I don't always feel that way inside. So words of affirmation for me is a big thing. Like, like for my, and I instill that in my kids too. So like my daughter, Ali, every single day will ask her, who's the prettiest girl in the whole wide world?

SPEAKER_01 29:56

Oh.

SPEAKER_00 29:57

You know, and it's like stuff like that where it's like always building up my daughters, building up my sons, and building up, you know, your your self-respect and your self-love. So I think that's that's very important with me. And then also being a mom, um, acts of service. You know, I can only do so much.

SPEAKER_01 30:13

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 30:14

So when somebody steps in and is like, doesn't ask but just does, uh-huh, and they're like willing and happy to do something for me, I bro, I'm the most appreciative person in the world.

SPEAKER_03 30:23

I think as a man and as a parent uh and husband, I mean my my biggest words of affirmation.

SPEAKER_04 30:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 30:30

Like I like the the thank yous. Yes. Thanks for paying this mortgage. You know what I'm saying? Like, I like that stuff. Like, you I don't want the gifts, you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_00 30:39

I just make me feel that. Yeah, don't touch me. Ilk.

SPEAKER_03 30:42

You know what I'm saying? Just say, just say thank you. And I'm like, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, definitely not. But for like, I think as guys, as we get older, because gift giving, oh, that's one. Gift giving. Gift giving was a big, but like as I started understanding myself and how my psyche is, yeah, it became the words of affirmation.

SPEAKER_00 31:03

Yeah, I feel like when we're younger, gift giving is like, oh my god, look what I got.

SPEAKER_03 31:07

Thank you for the teddy bear. Thank you for the gram.

SPEAKER_00 31:11

Right.

SPEAKER_03 31:11

Oh my god, loyalty, right? Um, going up on the island, how hard is you know, like loyalty or how rare is that?

SPEAKER_00 31:18

Um I can't speak too much on that just because I feel like the people I keep around me are a hundred. You know, um I've seen I've seen some disloyal shit, but as far as me personally, I can't like say anything just because I'm blessed with the circle I got.

SPEAKER_02 31:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 31:36

I'm blessed with the circle I got. I got people who have been rocking with me since I was like 13 years old, still in my everyday life.

SPEAKER_02 31:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 31:43

You know, so loyalty as far as like my friends, my family, and stuff like that goes is A1. Um, and then I never really entertained too much as far as like relationship-wise, besides of what I'm in net right now, to see what loyalty is about in that in that aspect.

Emotional Pain And Self Work

SPEAKER_03 32:00

Okay. Is it harder at night when everything gets quiet and like you're in your head?

SPEAKER_00 32:08

Honestly, it depends on the day.

SPEAKER_03 32:10

It depends on the day.

SPEAKER_00 32:10

Yeah, it depends on the day. Like, if I have a hard day and I just I can't I think I um throughout the day mentally, I just there's a bunch of shit that happens.

unknown 32:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 32:20

A bunch of shit that happens, piles on, whatever, whatever. Um, if it's a hard day and the house goes quiet, I'll lay in bed a lot. May sometimes I'll cry. But by the next morning, like you gotta, hey, you gotta soldier up. You gotta do it.

SPEAKER_03 32:33

Oh, of course. The bills does not stop.

SPEAKER_00 32:35

It does not stop. Life don't stop for nothing and nobody don't stop.

SPEAKER_03 32:37

Yeah, that's facts.

SPEAKER_00 32:38

And you got five kids who are looking up to you. You know, mom, you I can't figure it out. You better figure it out for us. And so that's the yeah, you know, sometimes it does, it gets overwhelming, but I get the blessing of waking up every morning and being somebody's mom. And and having that, you know, that blessing of being able to take care of them, you know. Because honestly, if my husband was here, that's a blessing to him to be able to go to get up and go to work and provide for his family. Yeah, blessing. And he would say that all the time. He would say that all the time. And so I look at life a little bit differently where I'm grateful for everything, everything that's happened, everything that has brought me to where I am because it's changed and molded me and my mindset today.

SPEAKER_03 33:15

Oh, I like that one. That's a bar.

SPEAKER_00 33:18

Yeah, bor.

SPEAKER_03 33:18

Yeah, yeah, bores. Yeah. Um, what scares you more now getting hurt physically or emotionally?

SPEAKER_00 33:24

Emotionally, right?

SPEAKER_03 33:26

That should stink.

SPEAKER_00 33:27

Man, that hurts. Like, physically, that should have heal.

SPEAKER_03 33:29

Yeah, you'll be alright.

SPEAKER_00 33:30

You'll be alright. Like, and honestly, because of what I do, I get hurt all the time. Like, I have a black eye. I don't know if you can tell. I have a black eye. I got a busted lip.

SPEAKER_03 33:39

She hides it very well, y'all. Because I couldn't tell straight.

SPEAKER_00 33:42

Like, physically, physically is nothing. Like, yeah, physically is nothing. Emotionally, there's shit that that'll break you and will take you years and years and lots of self-work and and to to take care of. You know, so emotionally for sure.

SPEAKER_03 33:56

Why do you think people stay like emotional for a long time? Like, it's hard for them to get over that hurt.

SPEAKER_00 34:07

I feel it takes self-work. A lot of people aren't willing to look within themselves and see what they need to change about themselves.

SPEAKER_01 34:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 34:12

So if you if you are one of those people who are like, oh, this person did this to me, that happened, this happened to me, yeah, you're always going to blame circumstances when all you have control over is the way that your mind thinks. Once you get out of your own head, I think, and only because I've I've fought with this battle for the last three years that my husband has been gone, once I got out of my own head and I stopped feeling sorry for myself and I start putting things into perspective, um, from a from a much more grown standpoint, that's when I kind of like simplified everything, and that's just what it is, you know.

SPEAKER_03 34:46

I like how you s you said that you simplified things because as men, we like to bury things. Like we instead of like talking it out or whatever, we find, well, for me, I uh I like to do something physical, so it just gets buried, buried, buried. Not until therapy, that's when I was like, oh, I have a psychiatrist. Shout out to y'all. Um that's when I was like, oh man, oh man. Yeah, I had mama issues, oh man, you know? Yeah so yeah, I totally agree with what you just last said.

SPEAKER_00 35:17

Yeah, you have to you have to do the self-work. I think once you do the self-work, you accept shit for what it is, then you can move forward from it.

SPEAKER_03 35:24

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00 35:25

You know, and that's the only way to do it. Otherwise, you just bury shit, bury shit. It's still there.

SPEAKER_03 35:29

Why do people you you talk about moving forward? Why do they tend to go backwards and tend to like like say comfortable?

SPEAKER_00 35:37

They're comfortable.

SPEAKER_03 35:38

Do you like being comfortable or do you like not being comfortable?

SPEAKER_00 35:42

You know what? It takes big things for me to be comfortable with being uncomfortable. But you know what? The thing about the sport that I'm in, yeah, that's what we do. You know what I mean? We're not always in comfortable situations. This is true, but you have to have to have to find your way out of discomfort and make it comfortable. You know what I mean? Like you gotta always push forward. Um, but yeah, I think a lot of people resort to old ways because they're comfortable there, they don't know how to how to process or how to go about everyday life getting better. You know what I mean? Yeah, it's much easier to resort back to things that are familiar to you, whether it be a toxic situation or some type of cycle, than to okay, how do I get out of this and how do I keep from going back?

SPEAKER_01 36:27

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00 36:27

It's a lot of figuring out, like I said, it's a lot of self-work that people aren't willing to put the work in for.

SPEAKER_03 36:32

I think I I also believe like a person grows more when they're in the most uncomfortable situations. Like if you're getting thrown into something and you're figuring it out, you're like, oh damn, I did not know I had this skill set, or I did not know I could manage this type of scenario.

SPEAKER_00 36:48

Those situations will bring out parts of you that you didn't realize that you could do, you know, or will open up parts of your mind that you didn't think that you were strong enough to have access to. Because like I said, and I always keep going back to this, but like three years ago, who I was then and who I am now, completely different.

unknown 37:06

Oh.

SPEAKER_00 37:07

Much healthier mindset.

SPEAKER_03 37:08

Really? Yeah. I'm proud of you.

SPEAKER_00 37:11

Thank you.

SPEAKER_03 37:11

Go ahead. Yeah. Miss Caddy, get down, girl. Can I get a uh as an MMA fighter woman? Um, when do you feel you're most feminine?

SPEAKER_00 37:22

Um, I mean, you look feminine now, but like it takes it takes something like this for me to go and you know get my do my hair and do my makeup and like leave the house feeling pretty because a lot of times I'm either looking like I'm bumming it. I'm a bum. Like I got five kids, I told y'all. And then if I'm not with the kids at home trying to chill out, then I'm at the gym being sweaty and getting punched in the face by grown-ass man. Thanks guys, I love y'all. So this is like this is like the only time I was like, yeah, I'm coming down. I'm gonna talk stories with Chris. Let me get let me go put my let me put a Jordans on, let me get my hair right. Let me let me let me throw my watch on. No, because otherwise I'm wearing workout clothes, shoes, I'm sweaty, I smell disgusting.

SPEAKER_03 38:07

Like Do you sometimes feel judged like throughout your course of life, especially like these past c several years? Yeah, you feel judged?

SPEAKER_00 38:17

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_03 38:17

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00 38:18

Absolutely. I feel like, especially after the last like three years, I feel like everything that I've done has been put under a microscope. You know, people want to see who is Kat without Gary and then judge me based off of it. You know, even in my healing, which I feel like at that point in time was very unfair.

SPEAKER_01 38:35

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00 38:36

But I also, like I said, I've done the self-work where even though it felt unfair at the time, I understand it now. Because people just, you know, they don't understand what that looks like. I'm living through what you guys are not used to seeing. And so like, I've just learned to be a lot more patient with people.

SPEAKER_03 38:55

That's good. Yeah. Patience. Um, I myself was like a single parent. Um so single parents often do you often develop like a hyper independence for yourself?

SPEAKER_00 39:06

I think I grew up hyper-independent.

SPEAKER_03 39:08

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00 39:09

Um, and then when I met my husband, and you know, my husband was being a being a husband, my man, my man, my man. That's when I kind of I kind of sat back into my, you know, my my soft girl era.

SPEAKER_02 39:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 39:20

Where I was like, oh, I don't have to be hyper-independent anymore. This man got me. He got me 10 toes, and I don't ever have to question where he's at because he's he's standing at the forefront at all times, you know. And so when he left, it yeah, it forced me back into that hyper independency.

SPEAKER_03 39:35

Oh girl, like I think it was like my second year of being married. Prior to that, single parent, I was like super hyper independent. Like, yo, I got it, I got it, I got it.

SPEAKER_00 39:46

I don't need nothing for nobody.

SPEAKER_03 39:48

Yeah, exactly. And it's like, oh, I got this. And it it's like it's unfair to you know my spouse now because um back then I was a jerk. I was like, you don't gotta do it, I got it. Yeah, I'll could get it. I didn't ask you to do that. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? And it's like looking back, I was a jerk, and yeah, now it's like, oh man, like maybe I I don't know. I had to go through that phase to see what I am capable of, you know. So like you going through your phase, now you know like your limitations or like what exceeds you to I guess be the person you are now, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 40:23

Yeah, no, for sure. And then the fact that you can actually like sit here and look back at that and be like, yo, I was a it shows that you've grown from that.

SPEAKER_03 40:30

Oh yeah. Growing is like key.

SPEAKER_00 40:33

Growing is key, and a lot of like I said, a lot of people ain't trying to grow.

SPEAKER_03 40:36

Um blended family anxiety is it real for both adults and children?

SPEAKER_00 40:42

I think blended family anxiety, I think it depends. I think it depends on the type of parent you are because there are those parents who are like, hey, this is my new man, this is we're a blended family, it is what it is, deal with it.

SPEAKER_03 40:54

The dynamic, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 40:55

Yeah, you know, and then there are some some parents who are like a little bit more gentle with it. Uh-huh. So I think it just depends on how you are as a parent. Whereas me, I I want to say I'm a little bit more gentle when it comes to introducing, like, I've never introduced anybody to my kids, not really. And so with this relationship I'm in now, it's like, hey, this is, you know, I'm kind of da-da-da-da, blah blah blah. How do you guys feel about it? And you know, and for us, it's been three years, and so they're kind of like, I think in a way they want me to be happy again.

SPEAKER_02 41:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 41:27

And I think it's because of everything that I've been through, but they also know that regardless of who comes in or out of our lives, dad will always be number one.

SPEAKER_02 41:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 41:34

And we still like hope pay homage to him every single day. Like, whether it's just the way that we carry ourselves or how we treat people.

SPEAKER_01 41:41

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00 41:42

You know, so he lives on regardless of who comes in or out of our lives.

SPEAKER_03 41:46

Did fighting become therapy for you?

SPEAKER_00 41:48

Um, yeah, well, fighting was always there.

SPEAKER_03 41:50

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00 41:50

Fighting was always there. We met fighting, uh-huh, and I. Um, we just kind of took a break when we were having kids, you know, doing things.

SPEAKER_03 41:58

Um, but doing things.

SPEAKER_00 42:00

Doing things. That's why there's five of them. Um, but yeah, no, when he left, I felt lost. I felt lost. I didn't know what to do. My world was turned upside down. And I had all this emotion, all this intensity built up inside of me that I didn't know how to release in a healthy way. You know, so yeah, in the beginning, I was out drinking.

SPEAKER_01 42:18

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00 42:19

I was doing the most. I was trying to be out. I was trying to numb the pain. I was trying to numb my thoughts, numb my feelings, and then I was like, you know what? Let me get back in the gym.

SPEAKER_01 42:28

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00 42:28

Let me get back in the gym. Because he, that's what, that's what we met doing. And so I was like, let me go back. Um, and then I did the first, I did, I think maybe like three months after he passed away, I went back and I just stayed.

SPEAKER_03 42:40

Did you feel connected with him when you went back? Like, hey, hi motherfucker, you with me. Yeah. We we doing.

SPEAKER_00 42:46

100%. You know, um, the first, I want to say six months that he passed away, I carry his urn everywhere. Uh-huh. And he he's a heavy motherfucker, okay? I got him a.

SPEAKER_03 42:56

Oh, I can only imagine it, bro. Your kid got a size 15.

SPEAKER_00 42:59

I got him a marble, I got him a marble urn.

SPEAKER_03 43:02

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00 43:02

So it by itself is like 12 pounds without him in it. So when we put him in it, he's like 23 pounds. And so I was I was clunking that thing around. Man, I'm going to the grocery store. This man is sitting in the in the wagon because at that point in my life, I wasn't okay. I wasn't ready to let him go.

SPEAKER_03 43:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 43:18

I still wanted him there every single day. And so when I went to the gym, I'd bring him with me.

SPEAKER_03 43:23

How did um how did people react?

SPEAKER_00 43:25

I did not give no motherfucking shits.

SPEAKER_03 43:27

Okay, okay.

SPEAKER_00 43:28

Let me let me get real close and say I did not give no shits. Cause at in the beginning, I was like, man, this looks crazy.

SPEAKER_01 43:34

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00 43:34

But also I was like, I don't give a rat's ass. Yeah. Me and the kids would go out to eat all the time. There was a point in time where I couldn't cook. I couldn't be in the kitchen because that was our he would help me cook every night.

SPEAKER_02 43:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 43:44

So I couldn't be in the kitchen. What when he left? We took him to a Maoni concert. We took him to a Maoni concert.

SPEAKER_03 43:50

Who?

SPEAKER_00 43:51

My husband. Yeah, we took him. We took him concerned.

SPEAKER_03 43:52

No, no, uh, who? What concert?

SPEAKER_00 43:54

Maoni?

SPEAKER_03 43:55

Who?

SPEAKER_00 43:56

Oh, he ain't from here.

SPEAKER_03 43:58

Is that the um oh is that the cowboy guy? Yeah. You know what? Well what is you watching it?

SPEAKER_00 44:06

What is you humming?

SPEAKER_03 44:08

Uh uh Tupac.

SPEAKER_00 44:12

Yeah, so we took we took him too.

SPEAKER_03 44:14

So you so you took him to a concert, ma say again?

SPEAKER_00 44:16

Maoli.

SPEAKER_03 44:17

Maoli. If you hear this, my bad dog.

SPEAKER_00 44:20

He's sorry, Glenn.

SPEAKER_03 44:21

Yeah. He's sorry. Ma bad.

SPEAKER_00 44:24

Yeah, so we took him everywhere. Um, in the beginning, I was like, man, this looks crazy. We sitting down at restaurants and people are like, you know, they see us walking around, they see a big family and we walk around with an urn, and I'm like, I really didn't care how anybody perceived it because that was I was healing out loud. Yeah. And I'm still healing out loud. And that's what I'm most proud of is healing out loud. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 44:45

What's your non-negotiables?

SPEAKER_00 44:47

As far as everything. Relationships?

SPEAKER_03 44:50

Sure, yeah. It's a relationship, I guess. Non-negotiables. Non-negotiable.

SPEAKER_00 44:54

For sure, number one point blank period. If you ain't cool with it, use all the way out. You have to respect where I am in life.

SPEAKER_03 45:02

Right now.

SPEAKER_00 45:03

Right now.

SPEAKER_03 45:03

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00 45:04

Right now, you have to respect where I am in life. Um there's a lot of things that I feel like are aligning for me right now. Um, on top of that, I'm in a great position with my kids. Me and my kids have a great relationship. Where I am in my healing journey with my husband, like you have to respect all of that.

SPEAKER_01 45:20

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00 45:21

But that's like the bare minimum that I ask. And if you're not with that, then there's no point in us going forward. You know? Um, after that, it's like the same things that I I hold near and true to my heart is like your loyalty, um, transparency, and just just being honest.

SPEAKER_03 45:38

That's a not that's a great non-negotiable.

SPEAKER_00 45:41

Yeah, I feel like it's it's simple. When you think when you're stuff, commonness is not so common nowadays. Yeah, because people will be like, oh well, he needs to pay the bills, he needs to do that, he needs that. I'm like, yo, listen, if you got that loyalty and you guys got that clarity and you guys are working together, all of that shit comes, you know, naturally. But at the base of everything, that's just that's what I need.

Parenting Teens With Real Structure

SPEAKER_03 46:00

Hmm, facts. As a parent, and I'm freestyling now. All right, as a parent, um you have, you know, boys and girls too. What's your advice for parents that are their daughters or their sons are having boyfriends and girlfriends? Like when that phase is happening. What is your advice? Because with me, I I didn't wig out. I did want to meet the guy, yeah, but I didn't meet the guy.

SPEAKER_04 46:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 46:28

You know, but he did see me around. So, like, yeah, what's the what's the advice that you got?

SPEAKER_00 46:33

Um, for me, it's okay, it's hard in my situation because she they started dating right after he passed away. And before he passed away, he made it very clear like she was not allowed to date. She was not allowed to so in when they started dating, I was conflicted because I'm like, do I go and honor what dad said or do I be real with myself and realistic with the situation and monitor it? You know. Um, for me, I think the best relationship, I mean the best relationship, the best advice I can give on kids and relationships is just have an open conversation with your kids. Me and my kids were very, very close, especially because of the situation that happened with us. It kind of forced us to be closer than normal families.

SPEAKER_02 47:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 47:16

So she'll come in my room and she'll we'll talk for hours, or she'll come and like she's she might be turning 17, but she'll come and she'll lay on mom's chest and I'll like rub her hair and stuff. Like, girl, she's still a baby. But she, you know, we have a really good relationship. And I think as long as you build trust in that in your relationship with your kids, that it just depends on what you think. Like, if you got one of them kids and you know one of them kids is like naughty as shit, and you know they probably shouldn't be in a relationship, hey, then you know, do what you gotta do to to hold that down. But for me, in my case, I was blessed with some really good kids. Really good kids.

SPEAKER_03 47:51

Thank you, Lort.

SPEAKER_00 47:51

Thank you, God, thank you, Lort.

SPEAKER_03 47:53

Let me ask, oh, go ahead. Go ahead. No, no, go ahead. I don't want to cut you off. She might be my ass.

SPEAKER_00 47:58

Cause listen, I might have to beat them up if they wasn't good kids.

SPEAKER_03 48:00

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00 48:01

And they they ain't trying to have that.

SPEAKER_03 48:03

Let me ask you about these um these kids on the mainland now. I've I I think you you've seen, you know, the posts and like the TikTok vids. YN's, right? Where did they go wrong? Because I've seen a lot of them and like I'd be like, yo, they deserve that shit.

SPEAKER_00 48:17

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think the whole YN thing. I don't know if it's just kids trying to prove themselves to other kids that ain't, you know. I think. I don't know. I just feel like a lot of a lot of parents, some parents, I'm not gonna say a lot, but some parents wanna be more friends to their kids than parents.

SPEAKER_03 48:42

Oh man, that's a lot of parents. Yeah, yeah. Does that make sense? That's facts, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 48:45

Like, alright, you wanna like, what do you mean you're 11 years old and you're out to three o'clock in the morning? Like, mom, dad, where are you? And I I can say like, yeah, maybe it's maybe the kids are sneaking out or whatever, but like I said, it goes back to you having a good relationship with your kids. Have a good relationship with your kids, you're open with your kids, your kids are honest, and you know, vice versa. There ain't much to worry about, but I do believe like that YN shit is probably because their kids get a they you're too worried about being cool with your kids.

SPEAKER_03 49:15

Why do you think that's happening here? Because I've seen posts of stuff happening on this island.

SPEAKER_00 49:21

Ah, you know what? I have no idea.

SPEAKER_03 49:23

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00 49:24

I really have no idea. I look at it and I'm just like, damn. And that's all I can really say. I try not to pass judgment on other people's lives or what they're doing. It's just like, as long as me and mine are cool, then me and mine are cool.

SPEAKER_02 49:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 49:35

You know what I'm saying? But for the most part, I I I do think that that's the reason. Like a lot of us, I think we grew up maybe under stricter circumstances because we were born in the 90s. Like the light, the street lights come on, your ass is in the house. Yeah, at home, yeah. You know? Um, stuff like that. You we're eating dinner together. Everybody's sitting on the table, we're eating dinner together, or we're in the same room at least eating dinner nowadays. Like, there's so much separation as far as parents and and their kids, and when they're I think parents try to overcompensate for that separation by letting their kids do what they want.

SPEAKER_01 50:05

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00 50:05

So if you have no structure and you have nobody like on your ass, then that's where a lot of kids go wrong.

SPEAKER_03 50:10

Do you guys still eat um dinner together?

SPEAKER_00 50:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 50:13

Or is it separate?

SPEAKER_00 50:14

Yeah, a lot of times we'll so we have a dining room table. Uh the rule is not.

SPEAKER_03 50:17

I hope you have a dining room table.

SPEAKER_00 50:18

I mean, the rule is the rule is nobody eats in their room.

SPEAKER_03 50:21

That's good. That's a good event.

SPEAKER_00 50:23

Nobody eats in their room, and then dinner is done at the same time, so everybody, you know, makes their plates, everybody comes out, sits out on a table, um, or we'll go out and eat. But we we do try to have a lot of sit-down time together.

SPEAKER_03 50:33

That's good. I try to instill that in my family. Phones down, yeah, and we have the conversation, like, hey man, what you doing today? Yeah. What made you? I try to say like the most offlandish questions, you know, like them like dad is on some shit. No, no, like I'm known for that. It's like, oh, what made you smile today?

SPEAKER_00 50:52

Okay, you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_03 50:53

Or like, did you see a pet? Did you pet that pet today? Yeah, yeah. You know, like I say crazy shit like that, but it it makes the mood like and say, Oh, we're eating together. Right, right. I want to be on my device.

SPEAKER_00 51:04

Let's enjoy each other, you know? And I think because of us losing my husband, like, we take little moments like that and we look at them a little bit different.

SPEAKER_03 51:12

Yeah, yeah, you take shit like that for granted.

SPEAKER_00 51:13

Yeah, and it's funny because the no phones at the dining room table, that wasn't even a rule that I made up. My sons made that up.

SPEAKER_02 51:19

Oh, really?

SPEAKER_00 51:20

Yeah, my sons made that up. So we were at we're at the table one night, and then my two younger ones, they just like propped their phones up and they're like eating. The boys, the bigger boys came by, they shut their shit down, put it in the middle of the house.

SPEAKER_03 51:31

You have very mature kids.

SPEAKER_00 51:32

Yes, very mature. That's what I'm saying. Blessed.

SPEAKER_03 51:34

Yo, so blessed. What was, and this might be the last question. What was the uh the worst punishment you gave your kids? Besides the spanking, but when they got older, of course, spankings doesn't it doesn't count anymore. What was like like dang, like other people were like, oh, that's kind of fucked up, or dang, she got that coming. Honestly.

SPEAKER_00 51:56

I believe in a good a good licking.

SPEAKER_03 52:00

Really? You still do?

SPEAKER_00 52:01

Yeah, I mean, I'll threaten now not so much, yeah, but I think that I gave out enough I gave up, I gave out enough ass whoopings as they were growing up to where I ain't gotta do it no more. And thank God, because like I said, my boys are big. Yeah, I'll be trying to. I'd be like, we'll be playing, like playing around, I'll be like, boy, I still beat your ass. He'll like just push me a little bit. Like, damn, I damn, chill out, you know. Um, but yeah, I I've never like done anything crazy more so. And I'm kind of the person, I'm kind of like the disciplinary where I'm gonna beat your ass. Give me a minute, let me calm down, I'm gonna come back and I'm gonna tell you why I beat your ass. Yeah, you know, we're gonna talk about it and we're gonna, I need you to understand why.

SPEAKER_01 52:44

Uh huh.

SPEAKER_00 52:44

You know, so a lot of times I think growing like raising my kids in that sense, they grew up to kind of analyze situations and is like, all right, if I do this, mom's probably not gonna like it. And she'll probably whoop my ass, so I probably shouldn't do it. So I wouldn't do it. So I probably, you know what? I ain't trying to get my ass whooped today.

SPEAKER_03 53:02

Ooh, girl. So when I when the kids got older, the two ones, my two oldest, when they got old to where I like, I just don't spank them anymore. Yeah, one, I would dock allowance.

SPEAKER_04 53:12

Okay. Because money hurts.

SPEAKER_03 53:13

Money hurts your people.

SPEAKER_04 53:14

Oh, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 53:15

And then the other one was I took their door away. Ain't no goddamn privacy in the house. I am watching you putting your draws on, your bra on, your brother and sister saying, ew, what's that? I'm hearing and I'm saying all.

SPEAKER_00 53:27

I'm shook, I forgot. We actually did take her door.

SPEAKER_03 53:30

You took her door?

SPEAKER_00 53:30

Took her door.

SPEAKER_03 53:31

What did she do? What did your daughter do to get her door taken away?

SPEAKER_00 53:35

She was trying to have a boyfriend. This is like, this is when my husband was still here. Yeah. My husband was still here, and like, yeah, I'll take away their phones or whatever, but that's like regular shit, right? But she um she was trying to have a boyfriend. I think she was like in what? Were you still in elementary? She was in elementary with a boyfriend.

SPEAKER_03 53:51

What am I saying? Yeah, sharing lunchables and you she became a man.

SPEAKER_00 53:55

Trying to see each other at recess for 15 minutes. Oh my stand.

SPEAKER_03 53:59

This rocks for you.

SPEAKER_00 54:02

Yeah, so uh my husband, he was like, babe, she's in there, she's in that room texting boys, da da da da. You better go handle that. So she got lickings, and then my husband was like, She don't need no door. She's in the sixth grade, what she need a door for? Take her phone, take her door. Next thing you know, we got the power door. Her door is gone. She just got it back.

SPEAKER_03 54:22

Wait, she just got it back?

SPEAKER_00 54:24

She just got it back.

SPEAKER_03 54:25

And she's 17 now.

SPEAKER_00 54:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 54:28

So she didn't have a door since she was like in elementary?

SPEAKER_00 54:30

She ain't need a door.

SPEAKER_03 54:32

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 54:32

And she's like the only she's like my only girl at the time, right? Because my my youngest is is our last, is our girl, and she's only four. So I was like, and especially like in a house full of boys, they're like, she don't need no door.

SPEAKER_03 54:44

Like, is it weird that you have a door now? Yeah, because you're you're so you so you're used to seeing, hey guys, you know, you're so used to that, right? But with your closed door, you're like, oh, who the fuck is home?

SPEAKER_00 54:55

Yeah. Yeah. She become I go in, I go into her room sometimes and there's doors there. I'm like, hey yo.

SPEAKER_03 55:01

Yeah, right?

SPEAKER_00 55:03

No locked doors, trust. Exactly. Oh man. She mentioned that I totally forgot about it. That's why I looked at her and I was like, oh yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 55:12

Oh, yeah. I was known for like the door thing. The doors? Yeah. I was like, fuck this shit. You want a cloth? Yeah, man. You can put like a cloth there. Yeah. I'm popping in anytime. Anything I want. Yeah. It's my house. What you doing? You know what I was there? Oh man, Caddy, that was fun.

SPEAKER_00 55:26

That was so fun.

SPEAKER_03 55:26

That was super fun. Where can um these people find you at? And do you have any shouts or anything?

SPEAKER_00 55:31

Alright, um, Instagram, King Caddy on Instagram. I think it's king.caddy. And then shout out to my kids, of course. Um, and to all my sponsors that are taking care of me for this BKFC fight coming up. There's a shit ton of them. There's a shit ton of them.

SPEAKER_03 55:48

Uh, once a day.

SPEAKER_00 55:49

April 11. April 11, Blaze Devil Arena. Um, I believe doors open up at four, fight start at five. Make sure you guys are there. Um, Ticketmaster will have tickets. And yeah.

SPEAKER_03 56:00

Can they take a picture with you?

SPEAKER_00 56:02

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_03 56:02

You're you're not stuck up or anything like that.

SPEAKER_00 56:05

Absolutely not. No.

SPEAKER_03 56:06

So you're approachable. Very approachable. She's approachable.

SPEAKER_00 56:09

I'm very approachable, guys. My face might not look like it, but I I was just born like this. I'm sorry. I got a resting bitch face half the time.

SPEAKER_03 56:17

RBF.

SPEAKER_00 56:18

I promise I'm the most approachable, most like easy going person you'll ever meet in your life. I swear to God. That's what's up. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 56:24

That's what's up. Chao Studios, thank you for the lovely home. Rafi Bye. Always, man. Thank you for the lovely beat. With that being said, I'm Chris. I'm King Caddy. And we out this bitch. Peace.

SPEAKER_00 56:36

That was great.