Misused Labels, Fast Rebounds & Justifying Ghosting with Tyler

Cutting someone off can feel like power and peace at the same time, but it can also be a way to dodge the conversation you’re scared to have. We sit down with Tyler, a preschool educator and aspiring model, and get painfully specific about what people mean when they call someone “toxic” or label a “red flag” and how often those labels get misused when it’s really just discomfort, disagreement, or bruised pride. 

We pressure-test boundaries with real scenarios: Do family members deserve unlimited chances because they’re blood? What changes when the betrayal is small versus life-altering? We talk forgiveness versus access, people pleasing, respecting elders who don’t respect you back, and the hard truth that you can love someone and still choose distance. If you’ve ever said “I hope you eat, just not at my table,” this one will land. 

We also dig into adult friendship breakups and why they can hurt worse than dating, from jealousy and ulterior motives to politics and loyalty conflicts. Then we go straight at the ghosting debate: when it’s cruel, when it’s self-protection, and how “outgrowing” someone is basically a breakup that still deserves clarity and closure. 

To close, we connect the dots to self-awareness and mental health: shadow work, therapy as a tool for perspective, and what it takes to own your part without abandoning your standards. We even zoom out to real-life stressors like teacher burnout, pay, budgeting, and self-worth. If you got something from this conversation, subscribe, share it with a friend who’s navigating boundaries, and leave a review so more people can find the REALationship Method podcast.

• preschool life realities, messy cleanups, and what teachers deal with daily
• modeling as a fun side hustle, getting paid in products, and runway nerves
• staying off dating apps, why people rebound fast, and what that signals
• defining toxic behavior vs red flags, plus why disagreement is not abuse
• family not getting unlimited chances, and separating love from access
• money boundary scenarios, from a karaoke machine to a $20,000 betrayal
• why adult friendships end, including politics, jealousy, and disrespect
• when ghosting feels justified, how to explain outgrowing someone, and the need for closure
• shadow work, being emotional vs logical in conflict, and learning from past mistakes
• therapy as perspective not pressure, plus choosing a therapist you feel safe with
• teacher burnout, low pay, budgeting, and the struggle to truly know your worth

Transcript

Meet Tyler And Preschool Life

SPEAKER_02 0:12

Welcome back to another episode of the Relationship Method podcast. It's your boy Chris, and um I'm back. I took a a a little break, and um yeah, today I got a very special guest. Um she is a teacher of some sorts. She is an aspiring model stress. Model? Model? Is that what's a male model?

SPEAKER_03 0:39

Model.

SPEAKER_02 0:40

What's a girl model?

SPEAKER_03 0:41

Model.

SPEAKER_02 0:42

A model. You know what I'm saying? Because you know, you got your yeah, we'll get into that shit later. Man, I got Tyler up in this bitch. Tyler, how you doing?

SPEAKER_03 0:54

I'm doing good. How are you?

SPEAKER_02 0:56

I'm doing great, doing great. It's a beautiful Friday.

SPEAKER_03 0:59

Yes, it is.

SPEAKER_02 1:00

Yeah, I usually record on Saturday and Sundays, however, comma. Um I like this work schedule that I uh that I have. They they uh they respect the uh observation days.

SPEAKER_03 1:11

Yeah, I love it.

SPEAKER_02 1:12

Yeah?

SPEAKER_03 1:13

So we're off from work too, from our preschool.

SPEAKER_02 1:15

Girl, um the the whole school thing, if they're on summer vacation, are you off too? Or do you still gotta go?

SPEAKER_03 1:22

No, we still come in.

SPEAKER_02 1:23

Really?

SPEAKER_03 1:23

We got cleaning days, we got training, yeah. We're still working.

SPEAKER_02 1:27

Even the first to fifth grade teachers too, they gotta come in.

SPEAKER_03 1:31

Ooh, I'm not too sure because that's not my age range. Oh yeah, but our school is year-round.

SPEAKER_02 1:36

No way.

SPEAKER_03 1:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:37

Oh. Um yeah. These kids are different nowadays, huh?

SPEAKER_03 1:42

They are. They're driving me nuts. They're cute. Cute sometimes.

SPEAKER_02 1:46

Does it sometimes? Sometimes.

SPEAKER_03 1:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:50

Have you and um have you ever had to clean after like a preschool kid? Like they had and they had accidents.

SPEAKER_03 2:00

Oh yes. Every day.

SPEAKER_02 2:02

How do you body liquids? How do you do it with a straight face? Or is your face like really? Oh, so you have a snank face or you have a mask on?

SPEAKER_03 2:10

No.

SPEAKER_02 2:10

Oh really?

SPEAKER_03 2:11

Yeah, I'm just going in there, just cleaning it up.

SPEAKER_02 2:14

So the um, I guess your administrators or your like your higher ups, they don't say anything because of her face while you're cleaning.

SPEAKER_03 2:20

Oh, they're usually not watching me like that. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 2:23

I I I honestly wonder what goes in a person's mind when they're cleaning up after someone else's kid. Because if it's my kid, I'm like, oh, okay. But if it's someone else's kid, oh man, I feel some type of way.

SPEAKER_03 2:36

Yeah. I just try to get through it.

SPEAKER_02 2:39

Girl.

SPEAKER_03 2:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:40

Me too.

SPEAKER_03 2:41

I got the throw-up, I got the shishi, the doo-doo, yeah, all of it.

SPEAKER_02 2:44

And they have extra clothes? What what if they don't have extra clothes?

SPEAKER_03 2:47

We keep a bin, because it happens a lot where they don't keep some or they don't bring some to school. So we keep extras for them.

SPEAKER_02 2:54

What's the age range for these preschool kids? Like 40, is it five to seven, four to six? Am I tripping?

SPEAKER_03 2:59

A little bit. Oh. Two to five. Oh my god. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 3:05

What was I thinking?

SPEAKER_03 3:06

Seven.

SPEAKER_02 3:08

Yeah, yeah, you're right. That's like second grade, first grade status, or some shit. Two to five, okay. And um, is it uh is it expensive or is it free out here?

SPEAKER_03 3:17

Or what like where you go to where you um I think what we advertise, I'm actually I don't actually don't know how much it is, but I think we're one of the more affordable preschools on Island.

SPEAKER_02 3:29

You know what's crazy? And um it's when I went to school, and even my my kids now, they uh it's free, right? Oh, yeah, like the only thing that I have to pay is freaking their lunch, which is like a year thing, and then the big one is that school supply list at the very beginning of the year. I'm like, damn. And um, let me ask you this, Miss Tyler. At the end of the year, what happens to the excess supplies? Does it get recycled to the next year, or do y'all take it home? Or you can't tell me.

SPEAKER_03 4:06

I don't think we usually have excess like that. But if anything, we'll keep it.

SPEAKER_02 4:10

For the next year or the next school year. Okay. Yeah. I was like, oh man, keep it, baby. You better kick some bags.

SPEAKER_03 4:15

That's teacher tax. You know, we take it home.

SPEAKER_02 4:18

I'm just saying. I'd um, because uh I had back um when I started this, I had a teacher come on and he told me that they would take the excess stuff home. It's like, you know, the wipes, the the ziploc bags, the markers and stuff. Oh, they would take it home. But um when the school year uh begins again, like he would buy stuff out of his, you know, out of his pocket for, you know, instead of like he'd buy extra school supplies, but for the kids to enjoy their I guess their classroom experience.

SPEAKER_03 4:55

Oh, I see, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 4:57

Like extra blocks or whatever the school can't provide.

SPEAKER_03 4:59

But we get reimbursed for that.

SPEAKER_02 5:01

Do you really?

SPEAKER_03 5:01

Yeah, well I don't do it, but the teachers and um teacher assistants do that, and they get reimbursed.

SPEAKER_02 5:06

Like 100% reimbursed or just or like 75?

SPEAKER_03 5:09

One of the things that qualify, I guess. Not everything. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 5:13

What qualifies as one?

SPEAKER_03 5:15

Um, I guess if it fits into the curriculum or but if it's just for funsies and the teachers just want to like treat the kids, we're not getting reimbursed for that.

SPEAKER_02 5:24

Rosetta Stone. If a teacher buys or subscribes to a Rosetta Stone and teaches it to the classroom for funsies, will he or she get reimbursed for that?

SPEAKER_03 5:35

Oh, I have no idea. For the preschoolers?

SPEAKER_02 5:38

Yeah, you know, like like Miyam Miyammo Chris, you know what I'm saying? Like the basics, you know, Rosetta Stone level one stuff.

SPEAKER_03 5:45

How much is that?

SPEAKER_02 5:46

Girl, I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 5:47

I don't know if they're gonna be a little bit more.

SPEAKER_02 5:48

Girl, I don't know. I don't know. Oh god.

Modeling As A Side Hustle

SPEAKER_02 5:52

Tyler, let's get into um model. Yeah, how did you get into modeling? Did you just uh look in the mirror and just thought to yourself, I'm incredibly good looking, I'm gonna do this as a profession.

SPEAKER_03 6:05

No, it's it's a for funsi thing, yeah. Little side hustle if it pays. Um I guess this brand was just looking for ambassadors, and I was just like, F it, let's do it, and I did it.

SPEAKER_02 6:16

You shot your shot. I didn't the the shooting of the shot process, was it um a picture resume, or did you have to sometimes it's like that, or I just send in an application, why you want to do it, why do you want to represent this brand, send in one picture, and you know, they'll choose you like that. Tyler, how are you compensated with you know this type of gig? Is it closed or are you getting paid like a side job?

SPEAKER_03 6:40

I feel like I'm still new to this, not very out there yet. So a lot of the times it's clothes products. But there I've there's been a few gigs where I've gotten paid.

SPEAKER_02 6:50

Really? Yeah. Have you done the run the runway yet? Or which runway? Oh shit. Um there's multiple. Oh like I was not prepared for this one. How was it? The ones in Hawaii where they do um I can't. Like Hawaii swim show? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have you done?

SPEAKER_03 7:06

No, I have not. I haven't, I don't think I've applied to that.

SPEAKER_02 7:09

You have to apply?

SPEAKER_03 7:10

You do. You do. And there's a application fee.

SPEAKER_02 7:14

There's a fee?

SPEAKER_03 7:15

Oh yeah. Oh yeah. For for that one, because it's a big one.

SPEAKER_00 7:19

Oh. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 7:20

But I've done like small runways. I was so ashamed. Like, I've never really taken walking classes, nothing like that. I was like actually running down the runway because I was that scared.

SPEAKER_02 7:32

Really? I was so the okay. Yeah. So for aspiring models, these walking classes, they really help.

SPEAKER_03 7:39

I would say so, yes. Huh?

SPEAKER_02 7:42

Interesting.

SPEAKER_03 7:43

I know, crazy, you gotta take classes to walk.

SPEAKER_02 7:46

Right?

SPEAKER_03 7:47

But it there's a lot that goes into it.

SPEAKER_02 7:49

Tell me tell me tell me two things. What goes into these walks?

SPEAKER_03 7:53

Maybe your speed, posture, the way you carry yourself, your facial expressions. That was more than two things, but yeah, a lot.

SPEAKER_02 8:00

What did you mess up on besides the the walking two feet? Yeah, besides the speed, um was everything else kosher or it was alright.

SPEAKER_03 8:08

I think I think the smile was there, the attitude, but maybe not like the poses quite yet. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 8:16

Okay. Well, no, no, man, we are human. We are improving daily. Yes.

Dating Apps Rebounds And DMs

SPEAKER_02 8:25

Um, and Miss Tyler, for people out there, um, single, are you uh on the apps? Are you mingling? Are you just doing you right now? Are you in a relationship? Are you married to God? You know.

SPEAKER_03 8:38

I am single currently.

SPEAKER_02 8:40

Currently single, okay. Not on the app. Oh, good for you.

SPEAKER_03 8:43

Yeah, not on the apps, and I'm just doing me right now.

SPEAKER_02 8:46

That's good. Yeah. That's good. Why do you think, um, and this is for both male and female, after getting out of relationships, they are so quick to jump into, like, say, another one.

SPEAKER_01 9:00

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_02 9:00

Or like quick to talk to someone.

SPEAKER_03 9:02

Right.

SPEAKER_02 9:03

And like not, you know, reflect on what just happened.

SPEAKER_03 9:06

I think it's for a lot of people, they're just too uncomfortable to reflect. Uh-huh. They can't face the fact and maybe which is understandable though. Maybe they just wanna feel that feeling again, so they, you know, move on to the next.

SPEAKER_02 9:19

Could that do you think that is a red flag slash toxic trait? And this is gonna move into our our thing.

SPEAKER_03 9:28

Oh, okay. I don't wanna maybe like call it outright toxic. Because people have their reasons, but I don't think it's the healthiest.

SPEAKER_02 9:35

It's not the healthiest. No, I wouldn't say so. Could it be a red flag?

SPEAKER_03 9:39

It could be. It could be, I would say so. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 9:44

Hmm. Makes makes a motherfucker thing. Um, and uh before we get into it, um, how did this happen? How did you I get you onto this pod?

SPEAKER_03 9:54

Um, you just hit me up on DM saying like, hey, you're interested in doing this podcast with me, and I was like, something new, let's do it.

SPEAKER_02 10:03

Did the DM come I I I like to asking this question. Did the DM come off at like as creepy or did it come off generic or anything?

SPEAKER_03 10:14

No, not at all. It wasn't creepy. Straight to the point, straight to the point. I was like, let's do it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 10:19

Shop my shot.

SPEAKER_03 10:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 10:21

Respectfully too. Yes, yeah, yeah. So and for people that don't know, the way I DM people to come on the pod, I introduce myself as the host. I um I put the at pod, whatever, yeah, my um, the IG handle.

SPEAKER_00 10:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 10:36

And then I just asked if they're interested first and available. And then I just usually get the response back. Did my when I first DM'd you, did it get shuffled or lost in your I guess your subcategory DMs? Because you know you got your primary, your general, and everything. Did it get locked?

SPEAKER_03 10:55

Yeah. Did it really? Oh, you reached out to me multiple times, or like I sure did reach out multiple times.

SPEAKER_02 11:01

I don't care.

SPEAKER_03 11:02

No, do it, shoot your shot. I I think I was busy the first time at gigs or shoots or something. But then you reached out the second and it was a little last minute. I was like, I'm free, let's do it.

SPEAKER_02 11:11

Understandable. Girl, let's

Toxic Red Flags And Cutoffs

SPEAKER_02 11:13

get into this. So, you know, everyone says protect your peace, right? But we are cutting people off because they're actually toxic. Yep. Um, or because we don't know how to have difficult conversations, right? So today we're um I'm gonna ask you, you know, is cutting off family and friends becoming too normal? Oh wait, I mean that's like that's the topic of the thing of the thing, right? So I'll I'll I'll let you think for a minute.

SPEAKER_01 11:39

Thing in.

SPEAKER_02 11:40

Okay, there you go, you're done. Oh, um so Miss Tyler, and then you know, I'll I'll come in too. What does toxic really mean? And it's one of those things where we say it a lot, yes, we do, but we really don't dive in onto like the actual meaning of like toxic.

SPEAKER_01 12:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 12:01

Or red flag. Do you think toxic and red flag is in the same realm where like it's it's used the same but totally different meanings?

SPEAKER_03 12:10

I would say at times it's used as like the same thing.

unknown 12:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 12:15

And do you think it's used correctly too?

SPEAKER_03 12:18

Not all the time. I feel like people just throw out that term like willy-nilly.

SPEAKER_02 12:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 12:22

Yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_02 12:23

Yeah, me too. Yeah. Because when people say, oh man, that's a red flag. Oh man, that's toxic.

SPEAKER_03 12:27

And it could just be normal behavior.

SPEAKER_01 12:29

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_02 12:30

Definitely normal behavior. Um but yeah, why what do you what do you think toxic means? Like in your words.

SPEAKER_03 12:39

Um when I think of someone being toxic to me. Hmm. What a question.

SPEAKER_02 12:47

Okay, I'll let you think. I think toxic is a small part of narcissism.

SPEAKER_03 12:53

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 12:54

And um, ooh, I used a big word there, huh?

SPEAKER_01 12:57

Yeah, you did.

SPEAKER_02 12:58

Um narcissism and like a loss of actual like reality of what's happening at that point of time. Oh I mean, that's like that's like my little definite.

SPEAKER_03 13:12

Oh gosh, okay.

SPEAKER_02 13:13

Um, let me break it down to third grade terms, right?

SPEAKER_03 13:16

Do it, do it.

SPEAKER_02 13:17

Did it go over your head?

SPEAKER_03 13:18

No, no, I I was there. I was there with.

SPEAKER_02 13:20

I didn't I didn't mean to. So, like um with the second part, because I already lost my train of thought, right? No, yeah, it's the second part, it's more of like what's happening right then and there, you just in your head made up a whole new scenario. Like you created something in your head where it's like, yo, this shit didn't happen. The first part, and we all I don't have to explain it. Narcissist narcissism.

SPEAKER_03 13:44

No, you don't have to explain it. Yeah, yeah. I would say so. I would think I would describe people I've dealt with the past that has like narcissistic characteristics as toxic. Maybe someone who has like ill intent but doesn't come off that way.

SPEAKER_01 13:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 13:59

Like puts on that good persona, but really, really they're evil, toxic. There you go. That's what I'm thinking. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 14:05

Makes sense, and that happens with both family members and friends as well.

SPEAKER_03 14:08

Definitely. Like they have ulterior motives, yeah. They might act good, but they're not really have that good intention.

SPEAKER_02 14:15

Do you believe this um in this saying? And I've been saying this saying a lot recently. Um, I hope you eat, but you're not gonna be eating at my table.

SPEAKER_03 14:25

At your table, right? Yes, I've heard that before.

SPEAKER_02 14:27

I fucking love that saying. Yeah, it's like I I wish you the best.

SPEAKER_03 14:30

But not with me.

SPEAKER_02 14:31

But yeah, and like hey man, I'll I'll clap, but I'm gonna clap down yon.

SPEAKER_01 14:36

All the way over there, right?

SPEAKER_02 14:37

Yeah, but I'm seeing you like, hey man, good for freaking you.

SPEAKER_01 14:41

Yeah, yeah. I like that, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 14:42

Okay, cool. Um, dude, can one mistake label wait, nope, that that that don't even make sense. Okay. Are people confusing disagreement with abuse?

SPEAKER_03 14:54

Yeah, 100%.

SPEAKER_02 14:56

Why do you think that is?

SPEAKER_03 14:57

Um, I think some people, I could be guilty at times, but like if you're just not oh, self-awareness. But if you're like not agreeing with me, not at the same point of view, then I don't mess with you.

SPEAKER_02 15:11

Could that be toxic?

SPEAKER_03 15:12

It could, 100%. It could be.

SPEAKER_02 15:15

So in order for, let's say But I really think I'm right.

SPEAKER_03 15:19

Okay, see that's girl!

SPEAKER_02 15:23

Yeah ain't no way you're gonna tell me the that sky is green and I'm looking at him like, motherfucker, that's blue. And then you're you're right.

SPEAKER_03 15:30

I would never say that because like it's wrong. But if I think it's like 100% right and you're still fighting me on this, bye.

SPEAKER_02 15:38

But what Miss Tyler, what if the facts are you know right there in your face? Like, you know, like the solution, like the solution to the problem and it's broken down, right, broken down to the simplest, you know, form, if it's there and you still think you're right, are you still cutting that person off or would you feel some type of way because you just you're taking that L?

SPEAKER_03 15:59

Right. No, to an extent. I think if the facts are all laid out and I was really proven wrong, okay, fine, you're still my friend.

SPEAKER_02 16:06

But you're right.

SPEAKER_03 16:08

But I'm right.

SPEAKER_02 16:09

But you're still right. You'd be like, but you know what? At the end of the day, I think I'm just kind of right.

SPEAKER_03 16:13

Maybe a little bit. But I'm not too extreme, not too extreme. Oh, okay. Like if they really lay it out, I'm like, all right, I see where you're coming from. Maybe I was wrong.

SPEAKER_02 16:22

Miss Heller, how are you at debates then? Are you like, you know what? F this, I'm leaving, I'm I'm done. I'm right.

SPEAKER_03 16:33

I think I'll just go super headstrong with my point of view and just keep going.

SPEAKER_02 16:37

And keep going.

SPEAKER_03 16:38

Like a bull. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 16:40

Are you the one where you'd have to take control of the conversation at all times, or are you willing to let the other person speak his or her piece? Oh, see, you laugh, so therefore, that's just telling me this like, you know what, I'm gonna say my piece. I'm the last word person. Are you the last word?

SPEAKER_03 16:59

Actually, it's crazy. In relationships, I feel like I am I'm that boy that just has to like, you know what, this is how it is, this is how I feel, and that's it. And then with my parents, it's the other way around. It's the other way around, but I feel like that's kind of normal too. You kind of model your parents like that. But my parents are very, I'm gonna get the last word in. Oh yeah, like be quiet, that's it, what's set aside.

SPEAKER_02 17:22

And then you say something back, and then they're like, What you say? And they're like, Oh, nothing. And then they'll say, That's what I thought.

SPEAKER_03 17:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 17:28

And then that's their last word.

SPEAKER_03 17:29

Yeah, exactly. Um they just want to get the last word in. You are a love your mom, love your dad.

SPEAKER_02 17:33

You are a product of your parents.

SPEAKER_03 17:36

Always. It's always that way. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 17:38

Here we come, here's comes the next one.

SPEAKER_03 17:40

But I'm aware.

SPEAKER_02 17:41

You're aware. Yes. Well, wait, you know what? We'll talk about that. So you're aware of, like, say, when you're right and wrong, or you're aware of how the person is reciprocating the information that you're giving out.

SPEAKER_03 17:54

Is that what you mean by your I meant like I'm I'm aware of the traits I might have picked up from your parents. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 18:00

I just went deep. Sorry guys.

SPEAKER_03 18:01

Oh, no, it's like, well, I was digging.

SPEAKER_02 18:03

I was digging them cheeks right there, you know.

SPEAKER_03 18:06

Yeah, and I realized how it showed up in like current, future, not cr not future, hello. Um, current and past relationships. Yeah, have those traits, need to work on it.

SPEAKER_02 18:18

What give me one trait of your mom and one trait of your dad that you know you feel like you have, and that's like your yo, this is my dad, this is my mom.

SPEAKER_03 18:30

Yeah. Um, hmm. My mom. She's very tough love. When it's her way, it's her way or no way. And I think that's definitely how I am in a relationship. Yep. For my dad, I'm not too sure. He's like the chill back laid guy, whatever, laid-back guy, whatever my mom says goes. And then if she's upset about it, then he'll be upset about it. So whatever I'm like mirroring or copying, it's all for my mom, honestly.

SPEAKER_02 19:00

Yeah. So she's great. Ms. Tyler, is there is mom? I love you. Um, can I have dinner on the table, please?

SPEAKER_01 19:08

Thank you. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 19:10

Um, so with your dad, um, are you ever chill back too? Like to where to the point where it's like, uh, like an argument happens and you're just chill, you're like, whatever.

SPEAKER_03 19:19

Like in a relationship?

SPEAKER_02 19:21

Yeah.

unknown 19:21

Oh.

SPEAKER_02 19:22

Or even in a professional setting or with a friend.

SPEAKER_03 19:25

I would say so. It depends who.

SPEAKER_02 19:26

So your dad's trait comes out when it's when it's like a chill conversation, like, alright, yeah, whatever.

SPEAKER_03 19:32

For sure.

SPEAKER_02 19:33

But then when it's a heated one, your mom Oh my mom comes out 100%.

SPEAKER_03 19:37

Sassiness. Yes. She's fierce, that one. That woman. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02 19:42

I think. And this is fair.

SPEAKER_03 19:44

What if they watch this?

SPEAKER_02 19:45

This is they're gonna be like, oh, I'm not never again. Uh you're not going on the show, huh? Um I think, and I've said this before, uh, Asian women, especially uh Filipinos, the shorter they get and the older they get, the sassier they become.

SPEAKER_03 20:07

Really?

SPEAKER_02 20:08

Yeah. So like, you know, like they're supposed to be sweet, right? Like like old black people, old f you know, old Mexicans, whatever. Right. But the older, you know, a woman gets, uh, you know, Filipino and shorter, they're just more snappier and like more tu'd. Oh no. You know, like instead of a oh thank you, it's a thank you. You know, oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_01 20:29

It's like, oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_02 20:30

You know, or not even or not even uh a thank you, it's a it's a look. Or uh you know, yeah. I'm like, oh that's interesting.

SPEAKER_03 20:39

I think with my grandma, she was very much like my mom when she was younger, when she was parenting, but now she's like the sweetest of the thing.

SPEAKER_02 20:47

When you're on the island, yes, and um, let's say you're shopping. Okay, have your you know, because this is gonna this is gonna happen. Like after this conversation that we're gonna have. Okay, I hope you catch, you know, these old ladies, these attitude-y ladies, you know, the short ones, you know, the short Filipino ladies, and they'll give you an attitude like, oh shit. I just had this conversation with Chris. God damn, this shit's motherfucking true. Yeah, you know.

SPEAKER_03 21:10

No, I'm really good with the old Filipino ladies.

SPEAKER_02 21:12

Do you speak the language?

SPEAKER_03 21:14

No, I don't.

SPEAKER_02 21:15

Do you understand it?

SPEAKER_03 21:16

Like, very little. Like at home, my my dad will speak, my grandma will speak, but I'll understand like, did you eat, did you shower, or if they like get upset with me?

SPEAKER_02 21:25

Um, tagalo, kampampangan, uh do you know which which Tagalo Kapampangan and Visayan? Wow.

SPEAKER_03 21:34

Yeah, I think yeah, thank you.

SPEAKER_02 21:37

Good job. Um uh I I understand I understand all the dialects, but when I speak it, it's all jumbled up. So when I'm talking, I sound like a super fool. Like a I sound like a retard. Oh you know?

SPEAKER_03 21:50

Like it's all mixed up.

SPEAKER_02 21:51

Yeah, because I see the aunties, they laugh because they know what I'm trying to say. Yeah, but they're like, Oh, okay. And they're like, Oh, illicano is like, Yeah, I'm trying to speak illicano. It's like, oh You're speaking to Galung I'm like, oh shit, I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_01 22:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 22:04

You know, but it's it's funny how they try to correct you, right? But they don't correct you. They how do I explain this? They'll have you keep on going to make you sound real stupid and then they'll They just want to see it first.

SPEAKER_03 22:18

Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_02 22:19

First head, I'm just like, man, you could have stopped me like five minutes ago. Yeah. You know, and you're making me feel all dumb. Um, here we

Family Boundaries And Forgiveness

SPEAKER_02 22:28

go.

SPEAKER_00 22:28

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_02 22:29

Does family deserve deserve unlimited chances?

SPEAKER_03 22:33

No.

SPEAKER_02 22:34

No, why not? If they're blood.

SPEAKER_03 22:37

You know how they say blood is thicker than water? I wouldn't say so. I think some of well, I love my family, but my tightest, some of my tightest friends are, you know, not blood. Some of the people I consider my sisters, not blood. Yeah, I think just because they're your family, they don't deserve that unlimited grace.

SPEAKER_02 22:57

This is true. Um, I totally agree with you. Uh there's a situation that that happened where uh I have a like his a friend, real close friend of you know, the family, and his girl cheated on him with let's just say my cousin.

SPEAKER_00 23:21

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 23:21

Right? And they found um, you know, the my boy found out, and uh my boy's best friend, which is my cousin, uh you know what? I'm not even gonna say the story because there's too many cousins involved. I gotta say a name, and I'm not gonna fucking do it.

SPEAKER_03 23:39

Drop it. Next story.

SPEAKER_02 23:40

I'll I'll tell you the next story. Okay, okay. Um, so I I recently flew out to the mainland and I was helping my cousin out uh make this make this move.

SPEAKER_00 23:50

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 23:51

Right? Um, he knew that I didn't go there with any money. The move was to drop, he drove a car, I drove a car a c across country.

SPEAKER_00 24:05

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 24:05

People might know like my my cousins and relatives that are listening to this, they'll know the story because it's already spread, right? But people that don't know, I'm not gonna drop any names. But um, so he lived on the east side of the United States. We had to drive on the west.

SPEAKER_00 24:22

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_02 24:23

The the thing was he was supposed to cover me. He even said it himself, he was supposed to cover like all the expensive. All I had to do was fucking just drive. Yeah, right? And when it comes to like eating, I told him, yo, don't feed me. Right. I'm good off of Gatterade and beef jerky or some shit.

SPEAKER_03 24:41

Not the Gatterade.

SPEAKER_01 24:42

Right?

SPEAKER_02 24:42

Like, I'm good off that stuff. Yeah, you know, sometimes I need a poop, but other than that, you get the gas, you get the lodging, whatever. But the food, hey man, chill the fuck back with me. Yeah, we did this midway through this trip. He runs out of money. And I'm like, oh my freaking god, I'm finna lose my shit.

SPEAKER_01 25:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 25:03

So, um, when this happened, I'm like, yo, what do we got? What are we gonna do? Because I I came, I told you from the get, I came out with no money whatsoever. And I'm not trying to dig into my funds if someone told me that they got it.

SPEAKER_00 25:19

Yeah, right? Right.

SPEAKER_02 25:21

So, man, I had to dig into funds, and I was, yeah, I was pretty pissed like throughout the whole trip, right? But I mean, this is family, so I helped them out.

SPEAKER_03 25:30

Right.

SPEAKER_02 25:32

Um, long story short, we reached our destination after you know, me dropping funds, and I asked him, hypothetically speaking, what if I didn't show up to this, you know, to help you out? What would you have done? Yeah. It's like, oh, I would have flown out my boy, or I would have flown out a friend to help me. And that part, like, it switched something in my head to where like I'm not fucking with you no more. Yeah. Well, you know what? Let me take that back. I'm gonna let you eat. I hope you eat, but we can't be eating at the same table.

SPEAKER_00 26:01

Right.

SPEAKER_02 26:02

Because of I had to spend my own ducats to fly out to him. First thing he said without any hesitation is like, I would have flown out my boy for free.

SPEAKER_00 26:12

Crazy.

SPEAKER_02 26:13

That shit caught that caught me off. You know what I'm saying? That cut me off, yeah. So that's why I said, you know, like family, when it comes to family, like I'm I'm rooted, I'm rooted intuitive with my people's. But if you do me dirty, it's like I'm still there for you, but I'm not there for you anymore. Like you don't have access to me like that anymore. Are you the same way?

SPEAKER_03 26:33

I would say so.

SPEAKER_02 26:34

Yeah, so like that's that family member, he or she is like, oh, Tyler, can I get five bucks? Well then shit. Now, Tyler, can I get five bucks? And you just don't don't answer.

SPEAKER_03 26:47

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. If you're using me like that, if you're doing me wrong, then I'm not gonna be there for you like that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 26:55

Can an aunt or like someone older older than you?

SPEAKER_03 26:58

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 26:58

Can that happen to you? Or like, are you okay to cut that person off? Because it's easier to do it if it's young. Yeah, it's easier to do it if it's like a younger person, right? You know, like, you know, you don't look like a day over, you know, 23 or whatever. So like let's say someone likes like your cousin that's like 15 or 16, yeah, he or she did you dirty, okay. You know what? I'm not gonna mess with you for the next couple years. But if it's like an older aunt that kind of did you dirty, are you easily forgiven, forgiving, or are you gonna let that slide?

SPEAKER_03 27:31

Hmm. I think it's harder if they're older. I think I'm also a people pleaser.

SPEAKER_02 27:38

Oh, red flag talk. Red flag or toxic. Clock that motherfucker.

SPEAKER_03 27:43

Yeah, it's hard. I I do care what people think, even if they do me wrong. Whatever they'll speak out my name. Like, I care about it. It's hard. It's easier said than done to be like, I don't care what people think, but I care. So it would be harder to cut off someone that's older that you're supposed to be respecting.

SPEAKER_00 27:57

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_03 27:57

You know, just because they're older. Respect your elders. Yeah. I mean, but what if they're not respecting you back? It's like, what?

SPEAKER_02 28:05

Next question then. Okay. Should always should parents always be forgiven? Ooh, yeah, because uh after talking to you, you seem it seems like you have a real good relationship with your mom and pops, yeah?

SPEAKER_01 28:18

It's alright, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 28:20

I mean, okay, of course, you're you're getting older, right? But you know, young. Yeah. So, like, yeah, are they can you forgive them or can you easily forgive them if they did any type of wrong? Okay, scenario time then.

SPEAKER_03 28:33

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 28:34

Uh your parents want to buy a new karaoke machine. They have access to your account.

SPEAKER_00 28:42

Oh gosh.

SPEAKER_02 28:43

They buy a new karaoke machine using your account, but not asking or telling you. Like, it's like a joint account. I guess it's a it's an account where they know how much you have and they have access to, but you're working and you're putting it in.

SPEAKER_03 28:58

Right.

SPEAKER_02 28:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 28:59

Would I forgive them?

SPEAKER_02 29:00

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 29:00

Oh gosh. And I'm talking about like they paying me back? No.

SPEAKER_02 29:04

Shit, you live if you're living under their roof. I mean, why would you pay them back?

SPEAKER_03 29:08

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_02 29:09

Ooh.

SPEAKER_03 29:12

I think, you know, I think always in time. I think I've gone through a lot with my parents.

SPEAKER_00 29:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 29:18

And there's some things where it's like, I'm never gonna be like this, I'm never gonna forgive her. But with time, I feel like your heart softens and you're like, they're human too. Eventually I can forgive them. You know, maybe we hash it out. It might not be the nicest, like, of hash outs. But with time, I feel like I'll ease up and forgive them. They're human too.

SPEAKER_02 29:39

Would you still be talking to them? Like, since you live with them, would you still be talking to them or would you try and avoid them at the at the house?

SPEAKER_03 29:48

If they bought a karaoke machine with their money, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 29:51

We're still on the karaoke machine.

SPEAKER_03 29:53

Um, I mean, we live together. It's kind of hard to avoid them, but I kind of would give them the cold shoulder. Maybe send that message that way.

SPEAKER_02 30:03

Okay, so in this scenario with the karaoke machine, do you think the karaoke machine is a little too small? Like, should I try to go bigger and say, let's say, you saved up, let's say, 20k.

SPEAKER_00 30:16

Oh.

SPEAKER_02 30:17

They use that 20k as a down payment to buy a house in the Philippines. Are they for can you forgive them for that?

SPEAKER_03 30:25

No, I don't think so. I think they totally would have just crossed the boundary.

SPEAKER_02 30:30

So this when the scenario's different from a little, I'm gonna say $200 karaoke machine to a $20,000 that you save for down payment on a home for their, I guess, retirement or whatever, it switches up the whole forgiveness of the parents.

SPEAKER_03 30:46

Why not just ask me? Why do you have to go behind my back to do something like that? Yeah, exactly. I think it totally switches it up. Yeah, they had had ill intent.

SPEAKER_02 30:55

Is there any is there any going back? Oh, like the damage has been done.

SPEAKER_03 31:02

With a lot of circumstances and a lot of relationships, you can always go back if you really want to. Uh-huh. But something like that would be really difficult to come back from.

SPEAKER_02 31:11

Definitely.

SPEAKER_03 31:11

Yeah, you would need both ends to really like talk it out. We can still understand each other. Only then. Only then.

SPEAKER_02 31:18

Only then.

SPEAKER_03 31:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 31:20

Okay, next question then. And then this is um piggybacking off

Adult Friendships Politics And Respect

SPEAKER_02 31:24

that.

SPEAKER_03 31:24

Okay, okay.

SPEAKER_02 31:24

Why do you think adult friendships end?

SPEAKER_03 31:28

Oh, there's so many reasons. I feel like I just lost, lost a few recently.

SPEAKER_00 31:34

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_03 31:35

I think they're they have ulterior motives, they're not really being who they said they were or who they showed me to be. I think that's a big reason. Or maybe they're jealous, or can you lose an adult reason?

SPEAKER_02 31:49

Can you lose an adult friend over, let's say, a disagreement with like a uh like with a relative. So you brought scenario time. Okay. I love scenarios. You brought a um you brought one of your good friends over. Uh he or she gets into, let's say, a small debate with your aunt.

SPEAKER_03 32:15

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 32:16

The debate gets a little bit bigger because both of them are they they they feel so um, I'm so in lost word. They're so passionate with what they're talking about.

SPEAKER_00 32:26

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 32:27

And it becomes like a low-key, like shouting discussion now. Like, I want to get just like you, I want to get my point across, I want to be the last word, da da da da.

SPEAKER_03 32:37

Yeah. Not all the time.

SPEAKER_02 32:38

So when your friend starts disrespecting, like say your aunt, you know, and they're just conversating, can that be one of those uh friend like relationship enders?

SPEAKER_03 32:53

Yeah, I would say so. Uh-huh. I think it depends on how ugly it gets and what was said. Um because if you're disrespecting my family, then you're disrespecting me ultimately. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 33:08

I lost a lot of friends when um, and I really don't talk politics, but when our president came on board, you lost people. I I lost a lot of people because of I'm serving, and because of I have no say, because I don't want to have a say.

SPEAKER_00 33:28

Right.

SPEAKER_02 33:28

Like he tells me what to do because he signs my paychecks.

SPEAKER_00 33:31

Right.

SPEAKER_02 33:31

Right?

SPEAKER_00 33:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 33:32

So, and it's a pretty good paycheck at that, it's like it's providing for me and my family.

SPEAKER_00 33:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 33:37

Therefore, if he tells me to jump, I'm gonna be like, jump where, how high? Yeah, you know? So my two cents on what he's doing, of course, like I'll have an opinion, but I'm not gonna bash on him.

SPEAKER_01 33:49

Right.

SPEAKER_02 33:49

And because I don't bash on him and I don't agree what he's you know what he's doing, and I really don't have anything to say when like say my family and friends talk, you know, talk their talk about these situations, it's like, oh, I'm I'm pro him, but I'm not really pro anyone.

SPEAKER_03 34:11

Right.

SPEAKER_02 34:11

You know, and because I don't say anything, because I don't do this and the third, it's like they cut me off because of that. Oh like political, like political discussions, they become nasty.

SPEAKER_03 34:24

They do.

SPEAKER_02 34:25

Like, especially like in this time of age, I'm like, damn. They really so divided.

SPEAKER_01 34:30

It is.

SPEAKER_02 34:30

Is is your family like that too? Um like when it comes to like discussions like that, where you know, the Raiders freaking good. No, the it's the Niners, this and the other. I ain't talking to you no more, cause da da da da.

SPEAKER_03 34:44

No, I wouldn't say it gets like that in my family. We definitely have um different opinions, different stances, but I don't think we get completely divided because of it.

SPEAKER_02 34:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 34:54

Which I think is good. I think that is really good. Yeah.

Ghosting Outgrowing And Closure

SPEAKER_02 34:58

Um, is ghosting ever acceptable?

SPEAKER_03 35:01

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_02 35:03

Explain that. As a guy. Do you think so?

SPEAKER_03 35:07

Oh, wait, ghosting in in friendships, relationships, talking stages, what are we doing?

SPEAKER_02 35:13

We'll do we'll do friendships first.

SPEAKER_03 35:15

Is ghosting acceptable like leaving without explanation, you mean?

SPEAKER_02 35:20

Yeah, just stop talking to a person.

SPEAKER_03 35:22

Wait, wait, actually.

SPEAKER_02 35:26

I got I got Tyler. Looking back.

SPEAKER_03 35:29

Yeah, I'm um Okay, let's go back into the memories. Have I ghosted Well, I don't think I've ghosted anyone friendship-wise. I think I've given them the reason. I think you should always do that. Unless you've always given completely done you wrong and you don't feel like there's no point in reaching out, explaining myself, then just dip out. Because maybe they're maybe the explanation won't do anything. Maybe I won't click to them. So just dip out, ghost them. That's what I think.

SPEAKER_02 35:57

How about this then? How about if you outgrew the person? Is ghosting acceptable then? And this is for you know friends and family and relatives or whatever. Yeah. And they're not yeah.

SPEAKER_03 36:18

I personally would give them a reason.

SPEAKER_02 36:20

Really?

SPEAKER_03 36:21

I feel like even if I outgrew them, I feel like they deserve. Because if I'm just outgrowing them, I feel like they deserve an explanation.

SPEAKER_02 36:29

How would you how would you explain that? I'm calling, I'm calling Tyler, I'm hitting Tyler up. You just you're ghost in me.

SPEAKER_00 36:36

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 36:37

I guess you're outgrowing me or whatever. How would you break out growing how would how would Tyler break that news to me? Chris, I outgrown you. I'd be like, what the fuck does that even mean?

SPEAKER_03 36:51

I've outgrow you. Yeah, I'm bigger.

SPEAKER_02 36:53

Empress, what are you? An emperor right now, dog?

SPEAKER_03 36:55

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 36:55

No, but yeah, how would you do that?

SPEAKER_03 36:57

Oh, but that's a tough one. I'm I'm really not to me that feels like conflict, and I'm not good with those kind of things. But you get to be too high.

SPEAKER_02 37:04

You get into conflicts at school though.

SPEAKER_03 37:06

Always.

SPEAKER_02 37:07

Yeah, with little kids, you I mean, you have to be some type sort of manipulating.

SPEAKER_03 37:11

Hey, John, I outgrew you. You know, like I'm not. See, that's that's too difficult.

SPEAKER_02 37:18

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I feel you. I feel like No, okay. That's a real tough discussion with John.

SPEAKER_03 37:23

No, that's tough. And he's like three years old.

SPEAKER_02 37:25

Yeah, I know, right?

SPEAKER_03 37:26

I mean no, that's hard. No, I don't know. I think what would I you're asking what I would say?

SPEAKER_02 37:32

Yeah. I'm reaching out to you. You're uh you ghost to me because you outgrew, I guess, this friendship or you outgrew me.

SPEAKER_03 37:40

Okay. Um I think I would say that maybe like I enjoyed the time that we spent, and it just feels to me as if maybe we're going different directions and I need to go on my own.

unknown 37:58

I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 37:59

Tyler, you okay, okay, okay. Tyler, you you and I are dating. Oh, wait, break up with me right now, then. Is it the same schmiel?

SPEAKER_03 38:07

No, no, okay, maybe we're going in a different direction. The other one sound like it was breaking.

SPEAKER_02 38:11

It sounded like a breakup instead of an outgrowth.

SPEAKER_03 38:13

Because it really is a breakup. Friendship or relationship. You're right. And sometimes friendships are harder than like intimate relationships. This is true. I I I would say so. I I feel like That's valid. I don't know, she goes, but I watched I Don't say her name. You don't have to say her name. I lost a best friend a couple years back, and it it kind of felt like it was like I was going through a breakup breakup. It felt that way because I feel like we built just as much, if not more, than the relationships I've gone through, and then I just lost her, you know?

SPEAKER_02 38:45

Was it um was it a mutual splitting or were you the one that you did it?

SPEAKER_03 38:50

I did, and it was hard. I just felt like at the time I didn't feel like I was getting that respect.

SPEAKER_02 38:57

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_03 38:57

And I I felt like okay, let me do something for myself.

SPEAKER_02 39:00

Do you think it was harder on her because you were the breaker-upper? Is that even a word? I don't know. But the one that initiated it, do you think it hit her a little bit more hard than I really don't know how she took it because we haven't contacted since actually I reached out not too much.

SPEAKER_03 39:16

You reached out. I did. I did. You know, the reason I reached out tangent was because in relationships that I was facing, romantic ones, I was like, man, I'm giving these guys so many chances. And once this one thing happened with my best friend at the time, I just left. I cut it off. But I'm like, how can I give these guys all these chances but not give my best friend the same benefit of the doubt? Yeah. So I reached out to her and we haven't reconnected.

SPEAKER_02 39:49

I don't know if she doesn't want to or what, but is it more like the ball is in her court now because you made the first move?

SPEAKER_03 39:56

Definitely. What if I give too much detail? Should I? Should I do it?

SPEAKER_00 40:01

Yeah, sure.

SPEAKER_03 40:02

Oh, yeah, it wasn't. Just don't drop a name. I won't drop a name. Um, I was out with my sister.

SPEAKER_00 40:08

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 40:08

Post gym, went to go to this place to get a smoothie, and then I saw them. I saw her and her man.

SPEAKER_02 40:16

Okay. And then that triggered something?

SPEAKER_03 40:18

No, I was like, oh my gosh. My sister's name is Kayla. I was like, oh my gosh, Kayla, that's her. I tried to reach out to her, she never got back to me. That's her. And then Kayla's like, where, where? I look around the store, nowhere to be found. Okay, so I go back to the car, we're eating our post-gym smoothie, and I look at the store. They're walking back into the store.

SPEAKER_02 40:40

So do you think that she um dipped out?

SPEAKER_03 40:45

She she saw you and I definitely think so. They were like waiting for me to come out and then they went back inside.

SPEAKER_02 40:52

You know what? That's kind of childish.

SPEAKER_03 40:53

I would say so.

SPEAKER_02 40:54

In my opinion, that's childish because as an adult, we are supposed to face these obstacles, these fears. And if we don't face them, it becomes like one of those lingering what-ifs, right? Yes. Like if you're gonna close it, give me a freaking proper closure.

SPEAKER_03 41:10

I reached out, I was like, was that at you? Was that you at that store? No response.

SPEAKER_02 41:16

Wow, so she's gonna be able to do it.

SPEAKER_03 41:17

And I'm ready to reconnect, but I get it, because you know, I I called it off in the first place.

SPEAKER_02 41:21

Yeah, so maybe she's still in her feels.

SPEAKER_03 41:24

Right.

SPEAKER_02 41:25

And her ghosting you my psychology. Yeah, you ghosting you is like payback. I you know, and you and she dodging you is like, oh no, I ain't trying to.

SPEAKER_03 41:36

I'm trying to put my myself in her shoes and maybe try to get it.

SPEAKER_02 41:39

That's always good that you do that.

SPEAKER_03 41:40

Putting yourself in other person's shoes to it's hard, it's not always easy at times, but you know what? I kind of get why she did that. I mean But I feel like I was totally valid on why I called it out in the first time.

SPEAKER_02 41:49

Oh really?

SPEAKER_03 41:50

I I do think so.

SPEAKER_02 41:52

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 41:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 41:53

Well, shoot, if if you feel that validity is is good, I mean, shoot the only I mean the only way the only thing that you could do now is just like just stick to those guns, you know?

SPEAKER_00 42:03

Right.

SPEAKER_02 42:04

Just like you know, just like your your your toxic trait, your freaking, I'm right. I'm a bull, yeah. I got the last word. Yeah. Um here's the next question. Do we ever stop to examine ourselves?

SPEAKER_03 42:19

We do.

SPEAKER_02 42:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 42:20

We do. I think especially with what I've been going through recently, um it definitely given me some time and space to reflect on myself.

SPEAKER_00 42:30

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_03 42:30

I think it's really important. That's why, you know, like we were talking about earlier, I can't just jump into something new right after. I need that time to reflect and really look back on my mistakes and what I could have done better and what I should do in the future. It's good to just do some shadow work.

SPEAKER_02 42:46

When you're doing your shadow work, that's what they call it. When you're doing your work, are you are you right all the time? Or do you ever find yourself saying, oh dude, I was kind of a I was kind of a bitch, or I could I did mess up here.

SPEAKER_03 43:06

Like I definitely find myself to be wrong at times, but maybe I was like partially right, and I was like, Yeah, okay, okay. I was gonna say it's like, you know, I was wrong, but no, but I shouldn't maybe I shouldn't have taken it out that way or communicated that way or taken it that far. But like my point, I think was very valid, but not the way I acted. I think that's a that's a big theme in a lot of the relationships I've had on goes both ways. Like maybe your point, maybe your feelings are right, but how you took it out, probably not much so.

SPEAKER_02 43:38

Tyler, in the heat of the moment, yes, are you a logical thinker or a emotional thinker?

SPEAKER_03 43:49

Both, but majority emotional. I'm a very in tune with my emotion, gal.

SPEAKER_02 43:55

What's your sign?

SPEAKER_03 43:56

What's your I'm a Scorpio.

SPEAKER_02 43:59

Oh

SPEAKER_03 44:00

Most people hear that, they're like, ooh. But I I don't know. I think I got the best traits of a Scorpio.

SPEAKER_02 44:04

What are the best traits for people that don't know like me?

SPEAKER_03 44:08

A lot of people say Scorpios are very um passionate, very intense. Yes. But I think you can be I could be intense in some really like crazy ways, but tenfold in the good ways. That's how I feel. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 44:22

Okay, okay. Oh, interesting, interesting. Hmm. Um, dude, here we go. Here's another one. Should family and friends get unlimited second chances? I think we I think we talked about that.

SPEAKER_03 44:33

You kind of covered that, but no, I don't think so. You cross that line and you cross that line.

SPEAKER_02 44:39

Can you love someone and still keep them out of your life?

SPEAKER_03 44:43

I think so.

SPEAKER_02 44:44

I think so too.

SPEAKER_03 44:45

Yeah, 100%. Why do you think that?

SPEAKER_02 44:49

Oh, um, just like how the I hope you eat, but not at my table. Like, I love you, man. Like I'm here for you. If anything goes south, I'm there. But from damn, from they're doing some construction work. If you hear that, y'all, they're doing construction work downstairs and I think next door. So that's not our stomach, alright?

SPEAKER_03 45:13

I am fed. I didn't eat breakfast. Oh, well. I'm not fed.

SPEAKER_02 45:16

Well, yeah. Yeah, she didn't eat breakfast. She didn't even poop yet, y'all. Oh god. Okay, okay, going back, going back. We got some chat. Um fuck. What did I just say? Uh eat at the table. Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_03 45:33

Don't eat at my table.

SPEAKER_02 45:34

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's the can you love someone from Yeah. I love you, dog, but I gotta do it back here. Yeah, or um, okay, everyone always remembers their first love, right? Oh yeah. And let's say you folks, you know, we just broke it off. Uh oh God, what's the word? It was it was mutual. It was a mutual break break off, break, breakup because they outgrew each other. Um, you could always love that person from afar, yeah, but not just like, oh man, I'm I love you, but I'm not in love with you. Right. That type of situation. That's what I think with that. Same?

SPEAKER_03 46:15

Okay, I would say the same. Yeah. Sure. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 46:18

Uh maybe we'll too quick to send too quick to

Therapy Shadow Work And Self Awareness

SPEAKER_02 46:22

end. Have therapists made people too quick to end relationships?

SPEAKER_03 46:31

Well, that's a hard one. I'm not too sure. I think I need a therapist. But I don't know. I'm self-aware. I feel like I should be going to therapy. Everyone should. Yes. But um Is it really the therapist that's making these relationships end quicker?

SPEAKER_02 46:51

I honestly think that therapists put they put things into perspective to try to make the situations make sense.

SPEAKER_03 47:02

Right, but they're never making you do anything. They're not making anything. They're just helping you out.

SPEAKER_02 47:06

Like little devil's advocate. Or an angel's.

SPEAKER_03 47:09

You were telling me you were uh well you're not a counselor, you were a counselor.

SPEAKER_02 47:12

Yeah, I'm a counselor, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 47:13

Yeah. So would you say you uh push them towards a specific decision? Or you just give them a different outlook, different perspective.

SPEAKER_02 47:24

Me personally, I like to give them like different outlooks. I'm not pushing them to do anything, of course. But I would love I love to put them like if you do choose this, you gotta think two to three steps ahead. Like what's what's gonna happen afterwards, you know?

SPEAKER_00 47:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 47:41

Like, especially when, and I sp I speak to a lot of like young kids. Like, if if you're finna like take that jacket, dog, like are you prepared for what's to come? Like if you get caught, are you prepared to go to jail? If you don't get caught, are you prepared to explain to your parents where you got this new item from? You know, like that. Right. So like that two, three step ahead like deal, yeah. I like I like doing that a lot. And you know, as you know, I I like throwing out scenarios too.

SPEAKER_03 48:10

Yeah, of course.

SPEAKER_02 48:11

I think scenarios are fine.

SPEAKER_03 48:12

Yeah, I know they are. I like them.

SPEAKER_02 48:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 48:14

Um, yeah. I feel like therapists don't necessarily they're not the one causing the breakup. Okay. They're just leading you towards certain directions or opening your eyes in ways they didn't think of. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 48:30

What made you s not see a therapist yet? Are you like hesitant or are you like more like I don't have time for it right now because I'm busy?

SPEAKER_03 48:39

Um I'm sure I have time. I just have to make time. Sorry. Um, I think I'm a little hesitant. It just sounds a little scary, but it's definitely something I want to look into.

SPEAKER_00 48:52

Really? Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 48:52

My workplace actually um they give us three free sessions a year. So I definitely want to take that opportunity and maybe talk to someone.

SPEAKER_02 49:02

As a person that goes to therapy, I think you should.

SPEAKER_03 49:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 49:05

Um, because uh the only like the reason why I went to therapy is because the military thought I had some type of like anger issue or whatever, but then I go to therapy and it's yeah, I got anger issues and stuff, but I uh I have other underlying problems as well. Like I'm low-key depressed, I have PTSD, I'm I have like anxiety, which I really honestly don't think I have anxiety, but yeah, and I have ADHD and shit. Okay, yeah, I'm like, what the fuck? But my therapist says that I've had these for so long that I came up with my own coping mechanisms, and that's why I I I've never gone before.

SPEAKER_00 49:53

Right.

SPEAKER_02 49:53

But because you know, every year the military does this thing called a PhA, a physical something assessment, physical health assessment. Okay, and you know, we have to be truthful in these questionnaires and these surveys, and that's the only reason why I got to I yeah, I got sent to see a therapist. Okay, but if I wasn't truthful or whatnot, yeah, I would have never seen a therapist or or whatever. But I mean Yeah, I mean you should- What's a good thing you did then? Yeah, right. I I I know I'm kind of I'm retarded in a little way, you know. I got I'm just like, I'm special, I got a superpower.

SPEAKER_00 50:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 50:28

No, but um, no, you should you should definitely check. Um it's one of those things where you know I'm kind of I was macho wacho, you know what I'm saying? Put like your ego to the door and just let someone because we all have our walls, right? Just let a motherfucker in just a little bit, you know? So yeah, that type of shit.

SPEAKER_03 50:45

Seems a little intimidating to let someone in like that.

SPEAKER_02 50:48

It is, it is. Um, I had a guy though.

SPEAKER_03 50:51

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 50:51

I had a guy uh therapist. Would you prefer a guy or a girl?

SPEAKER_03 50:55

Maybe a girl.

SPEAKER_02 50:56

A girl?

SPEAKER_03 50:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 50:57

Why girl? Why why why you say girl? Mine was just it was a random person.

SPEAKER_03 51:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 51:01

Randomly given to me. Why would you choose a girl over a guy? It's not a sexist thing, is it?

SPEAKER_03 51:08

I feel like in so many It can be a sexist thing. It's I'm more comfortable with my girl. Men are scary. A lot of it's like. Explain that.

SPEAKER_02 51:16

Explain. How are we scary? Is it because we're more blunt? Um or are we like, do you think there's like, as a as a woman, do you think that because of these therapy sessions, we know your vulnerability and we might use it to our advantage if we try to pursue you? Do you think that's one of them?

SPEAKER_03 51:36

I've seen shows like that.

SPEAKER_02 51:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 51:39

Mm-hmm. I've seen shows like that. That's not something that I was worried about, but now I am. Now you are so definitely a woman. Sorry guys. I think I would just, you know, I feel like I could relate more to a woman. This is true. Than them knowing my struggles, them whatever they've gone through, it's probably something that I have or will go through.

SPEAKER_02 51:58

Mmm. Yeah. Um, I know a lot of guys that go to therapy and they they s they prefer a woman because of they're like they're more nurturing. It just feels that way, right? Motherly. There you go. Right. Motherly figure. Yeah. Yeah. And then um with women that go to therapy, uh, they like males because it's like they're they're getting that that daddy figure.

SPEAKER_00 52:23

Oh, I think that's a good thing. No, that father figure. Yes, right. Sorry, not that. They got daddy issues, yes.

SPEAKER_02 52:26

Yeah, that they're getting that father figure, and that makes I guess that's their like copy making it was like their dad wasn't there to give them the right advice or wanted to hear.

SPEAKER_00 52:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 52:35

So because of a male figure around, a strong male figure that has that have let me tell you that got their things figured out. Yes. Like they're they're pretty good in life.

SPEAKER_00 52:46

Right.

SPEAKER_02 52:47

That's what they want. Oh. And that's why it's so easy for women to talk to males. And this is coming from like women that I asked that went to therapy. They they would rather have like male figures.

SPEAKER_03 52:59

Really? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 53:00

And that was like a thing I was like, oh, I didn't know. Wow. I've never had it.

SPEAKER_03 53:04

It fixes something in them. It changes their perspective to see like they were used to seeing a man this way, but it's possible that a man can be like this, understanding, listening, relating to me.

SPEAKER_02 53:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 53:16

Maybe it helped it healed something in them.

SPEAKER_02 53:18

Probably.

SPEAKER_03 53:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 53:19

Um, with your students, okay what attract what what uh gets attracted more to you? The the little boys or the little girls? Like what's the little boys, right?

SPEAKER_03 53:32

One one boy was like, I don't even know if this is what you're asking, but one boy was like, Miss Tyler, when I grow up, I'm gonna marry you.

SPEAKER_02 53:40

Okay, no, that's see that's cute. So I think boy boys are attracted to you is because one, they could see you as like a big s an auntie, sister, or mother figure. And that's like that's that protection, you know?

SPEAKER_00 53:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 53:53

So I think that's why because I know um my little nieces, they love their freaking like their male teachers or their you know the after school programs when they have I don't know what they're called, but I don't know what they're called, but okay, it's okay. The chaperones, I guess. I don't know, but they the little girls tend to go to the guys because they're more uh protective over them.

SPEAKER_03 54:16

Oh, I see. Yeah, yeah. I'm good with my girls too though, but the boys definitely gravitate towards me. But our entire staff is women. Oh, we're all women.

SPEAKER_02 54:24

Oh, so there's a you need diversity.

SPEAKER_03 54:27

We do, we do.

SPEAKER_02 54:28

I'm calling your school be like, hey, I would like to diversitize. Is it really?

SPEAKER_03 54:37

I would say so. I I think so, yes, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 54:40

Huh.

Teacher Burnout Money And Self Worth

SPEAKER_02 54:41

Do you want to be a teacher one day?

SPEAKER_03 54:43

No, I think my time, my time is coming to an end.

SPEAKER_02 54:47

Oh.

SPEAKER_03 54:48

I'm ready for something new.

SPEAKER_00 54:49

Are you?

SPEAKER_03 54:50

But I love it. I love interacting with the children, watching them grow. I just think I'm I'm ready to venture out. Yeah. But um, my family is filled with teachers. My sister actually just graduated. Yes. Graduated and she's a fourth grade teacher now.

SPEAKER_02 55:06

Really? On the mainland or here?

SPEAKER_03 55:08

Here.

SPEAKER_02 55:11

Take this back to your sister. Ask her why mainland teachers, why are they walking out of the classrooms now?

SPEAKER_03 55:19

Even here. She was actually talking to me about it.

SPEAKER_02 55:22

Okay, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 55:23

Our numbers are dropping.

SPEAKER_02 55:24

Why? Is it is it the is it the kids?

SPEAKER_03 55:27

Or is it the most kids are crazy? Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 55:30

Is it kids or is it they're not getting like the funding and they're not getting the um the support from you know the people in the background?

SPEAKER_03 55:41

Ooh, okay. Well, looking at my workplace and just what I've heard from my sister, I think it's a mix of everything. I think maybe they're not getting just in general, not that emotional support. Teachers are definitely not getting paid enough.

SPEAKER_02 55:57

This is true. I I've been definitely not, and I've been agreeing on that for a long time.

SPEAKER_03 56:02

You know, some people walk out because they're getting better opportunities elsewhere, better pay, maybe in a different career. And the kids, you know, I mean, love them. Yeah. But you know, I think it gets to a point and some people get um overworked and they're just burnt out. It's a lot of work being a teacher.

SPEAKER_02 56:20

Oh, I could I could you're messing with like I I don't know the ratio to a teacher to a to a student is, but I mean you're messing with like 29 individual brains.

SPEAKER_03 56:32

And it's a lot to take in. Oh, I bet.

SPEAKER_02 56:35

Girl, I could just see you guys, it's like, oh you know what? I don't want to talk about you no more. I'm just tired of talking with this shit.

SPEAKER_03 56:40

No, yeah, regulating all these little like strong personalities and how are you supposed to regulate your own? It's a lot. Yeah, but I don't think it's all mental. I think a lot has to do with pay and whatnot. That's why our numbers are dropping.

SPEAKER_02 56:55

Do you think if the pay was like say a higher, like let's say you got like a twenty eight percent raise, would that um motivate a teacher more?

SPEAKER_03 57:07

100%. I think one of the biggest reasons is pay. So once that goes up, I think we would have more people coming in, more retention. Yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_02 57:17

Are you the same way too? Like money could make make you move a certain day.

SPEAKER_03 57:22

Yeah, I think so. Yeah, yeah. Money, people say, you know, money doesn't bring happiness, but 100%.

SPEAKER_02 57:28

Oh shit. I've I've never seen a freaking a happy poor person yet. You know, my daddy, like have you seen a have have you seen a happy poor person?

SPEAKER_03 57:36

No.

SPEAKER_02 57:37

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_03 57:38

It brings the happiness, it really does. Yeah, it does.

SPEAKER_02 57:41

Let's be real. It it does. Yeah. Having a little money in your pocket, yeah. Damn, man, I could buy these freaking tacos right now.

SPEAKER_03 57:48

You need it. Right. It's unfortunate, but you need that money to be happy.

SPEAKER_02 57:53

Girl, you do.

SPEAKER_03 57:54

You do. You do. You do. It's hard out here. That's why people aren't trying to be teachers like that.

SPEAKER_02 58:01

Girl, it's out of here for a pimp. I'm serious. I'm so serious right now.

SPEAKER_03 58:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 58:04

I'm so serious. It's it's difficult. But one thing that I can take back from living in Hawaii for the past X amount of years, is that you really need to know how to budget. You can't just be you can't just be splurging.

SPEAKER_03 58:19

Oh, I splurge. I need a budget.

SPEAKER_02 58:22

You need a budget?

SPEAKER_03 58:23

I definitely need a budget.

SPEAKER_02 58:25

If your man tells you um down the line when you have a man.

unknown 58:30

Right.

SPEAKER_02 58:32

Babe, uh, Tyler, Miss Tyler, whomever you want to be called.

SPEAKER_00 58:35

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 58:36

You are spending a lot. You need to chill back with the spending. What's what's the re We're dating.

SPEAKER_01 58:46

Right.

SPEAKER_02 58:46

Babe. Um the fuck. You just spent like 300 bucks on some shoes.

SPEAKER_03 58:51

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_02 58:52

Why?

SPEAKER_03 58:52

It's okay because it was your card.

SPEAKER_02 58:56

And there it is. We're gonna end it right here, folks. I'm I am pissed. Um uh we need this money for mortgage, babe. Why aren't, you know, why you know mortgage is up. Why are you spending this money on these things?

SPEAKER_03 59:10

Money comes, money goes. As you can see, I need a budget. Um You know, I get I get myself what I want.

SPEAKER_02 59:21

Yeah. And I feel like you're you work hard for it?

SPEAKER_03 59:25

I I try my best. I work hard, I have all these hustles.

SPEAKER_02 59:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 59:28

Um, I feel like I'm an expensive gal and I need a job in a man to support that. Not that I need the man just for the money, but not until I see a man that can support me in that way would I feel like I feel like I do a lot for myself. Yeah. And my man would have to do that tenfold, or else I wouldn't see a relationship worth it because I know I can provide a lot of things for myself.

SPEAKER_02 59:55

To sum it up, you know your worth.

SPEAKER_03 59:58

I try to. I feel like it's a struggle.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:01

Is it really?

SPEAKER_03 1:00:02

It is, it is, 100%.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:04

Why do you think it's a struggle?

SPEAKER_03 1:00:06

To know my worth?

SPEAKER_02 1:00:07

Yeah. Is it because like people don't know or they don't see it, but you see it in yourself?

SPEAKER_03 1:00:17

Um, sometimes I feel like people see it, but I don't.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:21

Oh, really?

SPEAKER_03 1:00:22

Yeah. I I feel like I'm very hard on myself.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:25

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:26

Well, I mean, as humans and especially um people that we think highly of ourselves. Not highly of ourselves, but it's like we're constantly telling ourselves, hey man, I could do better. I'm better than this.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:38

Excuse me. I think uh what you just said is totally valid. You know? Because we are we are our we are our worst critics.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:50

We are, we're the hardest on ourselves. And you know, comparison, the thief of joy. And I I need to work on that because I I tend to compare myself a lot.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:59

To other people?

SPEAKER_03 1:01:00

Yes, anybody, anything. It's hard. I feel like it's easier to be like, I don't care, I'm a own person. Why does what they're doing impact me? But it does sometimes, to be honest.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:13

Tyler, as you get older, yes, this will go away. Oh, I can't wait for it. It's gonna go away. You'll be like, you know what? Fuck that.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:22

Yeah, I try to take the steps to not compare, to not do any of that. But sometimes I feel like it's inevitable.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:27

Do you spiral when you get deep into that comparison with that other person?

SPEAKER_03 1:01:32

I try to catch myself. Good. I really do. I mean, it's it's effort, it's something. I try not to let myself get too deep into it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:42

Shit.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:44

That's just deep.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:45

Life, man.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:46

Hey, life, life. Uh, red flags and toxic and toxic city shit.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:51

And comparison.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:52

And comparison. Oh, girl.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:54

And karaoke machines.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:56

Karaoke machines and down payments to Philippine homes.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:59

Crazy. 20K.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:02

I was like, first off, first off, how the fuck you saved 20K?

SPEAKER_03 1:02:05

That's what I'm saying. I wish that was in my bank account.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:07

It's like, dang, you've been saving 600. Not good at budgeting. No. Definitely not good at budgeting. Uh, I used your cart.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:14

Motherfucker. That would piss me off.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:16

That was fun.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:17

That was so fun.

Wrap Up And Where To Find Tyler

SPEAKER_02 1:02:18

That was super fun. Thank you for coming on.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:19

Oh, thank you.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:21

Do you have any um shout-outs or anything? Or where can these people uh find you at?

SPEAKER_03 1:02:25

Oh, you can find me on my main page at t.mconna on Instagram. My fitness page. Shiloh Jumpgirl. I mean, I'm trying to get back into it, but ticksta underscore tie. And then my business page for a side hustle. I make um jewelry of my own. Let me know if you're a gold girly. I can be found at crystals.hi on Instagram.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:50

Hell yeah. And then um, jewelry, do you do guys too? Like earrings.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:53

I do. I do. I tend to get a lot of customs from guys like make me a necklace, Tahitian Pro necklace, bracelet, stuff like that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:01

No, no, no, I'm saying no. No, no, no, no. Um, do you do earrings? Do you do earrings?

SPEAKER_03 1:03:06

Yeah, I do earrings.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:07

Like stud studded earrings or nose rings. Just just like a little, just like little stuff. Not not the loopies. Yeah, you do. But just like, you know, just like oh studs.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:15

Stud earrings, yeah. I feel like I haven't gotten there yet.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:18

Okay, when you do, I'll I'll holler. Oh yeah, let me know.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:20

I make pieces like the one you're wearing.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:22

Oh, really?

SPEAKER_03 1:03:22

Yes, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:23

Um, do you know the meanings of these?

SPEAKER_03 1:03:25

Yeah, what what's the curse? I know the bottom one, but what's the top one?

SPEAKER_02 1:03:28

Obsidian.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:29

Umyx.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:30

Obsidian slash onyx.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:32

I feel like they have similar meanings. Um, usually, do you know?

SPEAKER_02 1:03:35

Yeah, that's what I'm that's what I'm asking you.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:38

I know my stuff. Very grounding protection, stuff like that. Yeah. Dark colors. Dark colors tend to affiliate with those kind of meanings. Being grounded, protected. Yeah. You let me know. I got the answers.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:55

Right. You gotta be dumb fucking bowls.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:57

Like, what is this gonna be?

SPEAKER_02 1:03:59

Uh-huh. I it just looks nice.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:00

I just I just went here.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:02

Running it? Yeah. It's all bad juju. Yeah. Um, shit. My shout out. Hey, uh, to my cousin Junior, thank you for the cap. Um salmon fan sets go, thank you for the tea. Um KO Studios, thank you for the lovely home. Raffi Bye always, thank you for the lovely vibe. And with that being said, I'm Chris.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:20

And I'm Tyler.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:21

And we got this bitch. Peace.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:23

Peace.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:25

Thank you. And we done.