S5E16: On Living Well After Trying to Die with Monica Climaco

*Trigger Warning*: a heads-up that this episode includes a discussion about su*cide. We approach the topic with care and compassion, but please use your discernment and prioritise your wellbeing. 

Monica Climaco (she/they) is a queer, immigrant, neurodivergent somatic practitioner, coach, artist, and activist. Her purpose on earth is to enjoy life being as true to herself as possible, with the hopes that people feel they can be true to themselves as well. Weaving movement, writing, art-making, play, improv, and other creative modalities into her practice, she believes that radical embodied authenticity and aliveness are foundational for healing, transformation, and collective liberation.

As a survivor of su*c*de attempts, Monica is also devoted to providing support and safe spaces for fellow survivors to strengthen their relationships with their reasons to stay, in a world that gives so many to go. Monica has been coaching since 2020, and studying, practicing, and sharing about somatics since 2023.

This is such a beautiful episode with a wise, wild woman, where Monica so generously shares:

• her experience with living through the experience of depression and suicide attempts
• the role somatic accessing and reweaving and the interplay of mind, body, heart and soul has played in her journey
• some of the common sterotypical misconceptions around somatic coaching and a beautiful reclamation around [somatics = sovereignty]
• how choice, power, control and feeling the pain of living out of connection with exiled parts of ourselves who just want to be seen and tended to
• a delicious discussion around the simple power of naming our feelings and emotional responses and honouring the full spectrum of our human experience 

Find Monica on YouTube

And on Instagram @mmmonica_c

Join Monica's newsletter here.

Also mentioned in this episode: Somatics for the People

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Transcript

Monica Climaco: [00:00:00] I knew intellectually, cognitively there are other ways to be, but then how do I materially, tangibly, physically make that a reality? I could finally tap into my different parts and be like, Hey, it's okay that you made that decision.

Kylie Patchett: Welcome to the Wild and finally fucking free podcast show. This is a space where truth talking gets real. Behind the scenes grit of the future humans is laid bare, and we are celebrating and sharing the real raw stories of change. Agents, neuros, sparkly people, the witchy wild women, the deep feelers, the unapologetic senses, the status quo challenges, and the huge hearted healers and helpers.

And guiding you through this wild ride of entrepreneurship and full heart led contribution to the world is me, your host, Kylie Patchett, [00:01:00] A-K-E-K-P. I am a proudly neuros, sparkly, natural born, status quo, challenger, and I thrive on helping disruptors rebels and revolutionaries find their voices, amplify their message into the world, and harness their raw potential.

Alchemize it into unleashing your full potency. Not only will I be sharing the behind the scenes of some of the most amazing, most status quo challenging thought leaders, I'll also be lifting the veil behind my own business. In 2024 I 18 Xed my monthly income deal blows my mind to say that. And this year I'm leaning into how joyful and fun it would be to shift from six figures to seven figures in a quantum shifting year.

All through leading from my full unapologetic voice. My unleashed potency and with my big, wildly lit up heart [00:02:00] leading the way every single step of the way. So together with my guests, I am going to be sharing the mess and the magic.

Spilling the tea on the identity shifts behind stepping into thought leadership, breaking the ties that bind us on learning old patterns and reweaving brand new ways of living, loving learning, and leading. We are here to break boundaries, reimagine what's possible, all while collapsing timelines and leading with joy.

Love. And our fiercest wild woman selves. This is not just a podcast. It is a rebellion. It is a revolution. It is an invitation to join the Mad Hatters Collective Movement. And by Mad Hatters, I mean all the colorful, creative, gorgeous world changing out of the box humans out there. If you've ever longed to be wild and finally fucking free, this is your sign to lean in.

Let's get [00:03:00] started.

Hello, beautiful listeners, before we get into this episode, I want to let you know that there is a trigger warning that comes with this conversation. So Monica is someone who has lived with mental health that's impacted her to the point of attempting suicide a number of times. We discuss this in this episode in very gentle, warm.

Well-resourced terms, and also I invite you to practice discretion and prioritize your own wellbeing before listening in. Thank you. Let's get on with the show.

Hello everybody. Welcome to the podcast again. I have a beautiful special guest with me today, Monica Climaco. Hello Monica. How are you? Hi, Kylie. I'm well. Thank you for having me. I'm so excited for this chat. We have had this booked in and had to move it for [00:04:00] different life things, so I'm so grateful to be sharing space with you today.

So for people that don't already know you and your work in the world, how would you like to. Welcome us to the world of Monica. Ooh. Welcoming to the world of Monica. Okay. Um, well that's similar. I just wanted to say first that Yeah, I'm so excited to be here and I know we've had our reschedules, but I'm always just trusting the timing.

Monica Climaco: Mm-hmm. And I think this was, you know. We're in the right timing. Yeah. Um, so I guess that's a little bit of an intro to the world of Monica, but, uh, more about me, about me are so difficult, but some e identifiers that I feel strongly about are I am queer. I am an immigrant. I am to use your word, neuros.

Sparkly, uh, [00:05:00] I am. Somatic practitioner and an artist and an activist. I'm a friend, a daughter, A sister. Yeah. I'll start with those. That's that's me. Delicious combo. Yay to neuro sparklings in the house and yay to, yeah. Identify as that possibly have been either. Made to feel like heaviness, but can be worn as these sources of like mm-hmm.

Kylie Patchett: That is who I identify as. This is my, you know, I'm proud of who I am and how I, you know, show up in the world and my design and my uniqueness and all of those delicious things. So, honoring you in all of that. Um, I'm so curious because like in, on one hand, like the world. Of, um, somatic and embodiment practices.

It feels like it's [00:06:00] like on fire at the moment in terms of so many people moving in that direction, which I think is a very good thing. I'm wondering what led you to this work in your own lived experience or lifetime? Like I always wanna be like, what is the why here? Like, what drove you, you know? Yes.

What's the golden thread that that drew you there? Ooh, the golden thread. I like that phrasing because I was thinking of it as a thread too. Uh, it does really seem like it's trending right now. And I'll be honest, I don't think I knew about it until maybe early 2023 or late 2022. And I'm also going to say I feel like not the best, uh.

Monica Climaco: Well-defined spokesperson for this because I also think it's something that's not easily defined. Yes. You know, it can't really be put into a whole box, but somatics for me is, uh, a field [00:07:00] that connects the mind with the body, also the heart and the soul and the spirit, and how all of that. Connects together and how, uh, that's expressed.

That's what's coming up right now and how I feel and sense into it. Um, me talking is a somatic experience. Me not talking is a somatic experience as well. You know? Uh, yeah. It's, it's not just a. I think the way that it's popped up has been in contrast or juxtaposition to talk therapy, for example, or, or life coaching.

At least. Those are the, uh, perspectives that I am, I've come across. Uh, but they're [00:08:00] all, they're all related. I think talk therapy is. A type of a somatic experience. Yeah, exactly. Love coaching. So it's really, yeah, it can be very fluid and dynamic. Um, and the way I came into it is that I have been, uh, life coaching since 2020.

Mm-hmm. And actually, it's very interesting that I described it that way because I was coming into. Somatics from a, uh, I guess like a turning point in my life coaching where I was like, I dunno if I wanna keep just doing the mindset way of things or the talking way of things. Um, and I've always been like a really restless, like, movement oriented.

Type of person. Maybe it's the [00:09:00] neuros sparkliness in there. Um, yeah. Uh, and for myself too, as a personal experience, I was like, I'm doing these affirmations or these like mindset things and I don't feel like things have shifted mm-hmm. Um, the ways that I want it to, uh, in my own life. So I wonder what's a different way.

Kylie Patchett: Mm-hmm. I. Used to, I still do actually. I am a dancer and I also really enjoy like theater and improv and act. I would not call myself an actor, but it's fun to play improv dance. Yeah. Yeah. And that, that was popping up as, um, somatics was getting introduced to me of, oh, you can make the changes. Like body forward.

Monica Climaco: Yes, body movement oriented. Uh, if the, the mindset stuff is not clicking, we have [00:10:00] other parts of ourselves to use. So let's tap into that and bring. Bring it a while further, right? Yeah. Oh, I love that. I love, I I wanna come back to something that you said, like, you know, not being like necessarily like a spokesperson for a particular kind of, you know, body of work, for instance.

Kylie Patchett: Oh, funny. See what I did that I did, I love it. But I think it's really important to acknowledge that when. Like when we connect or when we over connect to the dogma of any type of way of like moving through things that we can cut ourselves off from our own experience of it. Right? Because we are like, oh no, that's not the right way of doing it.

It's the, and so I feel like the less of an expert on a field and the more of an expert on our own lived experience and then sharing that in whatever way calls to you is so much more powerful anyway. And I, um, mm-hmm. It's so interesting. It was a kind of parallel. Bit of parallel story, um, [00:11:00] because I used to be a mindset coach.

That's how I used to identify. And I was like, there is something missing here because it feels like my mind is doing these things, but I'm sensing that my body's kind of like not in, like not on the same train, you know? Mm-hmm. Yeah. And now the way that I work with people. I love that you say like a different way of entry because for different people, different things work, but like being able to access the felt sense in our bodies.

In whatever way that occurs to us. 'cause there's all different ways. I find it super helpful because my little brain, my little lizard brain, so busy, so busy trying to protect me. So busy with all the fears and all the chatter. And I'm like, when I actually can drop out of that, get into my body anchor with my breath, I'm like, oh, all of that is just like surface crap on the ocean.

And now I'm down in the ocean, like in the actual feeling and. [00:12:00] I just look back at how I used to try and coach just through the mind, and I'd be like. God, it's like trying to navigate the ocean with one or type of thing. Like you've only got one little implement to, you know, try and access this entire ocean.

It's actually a weird analogy, but anyway, it works. I think I understand. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But what, um, what started to change for you? Like when you started connecting, okay, I can access this through the body, not mm-hmm. Necessarily just through the mind and you've got this other kind of part in your toolbox.

What started like. Letting go in your own life? Like what was that experience like when you first were like, oh, my eyes are open? What started letting go? Oh my gosh. Uh, that's a really big question and I don't know if I can answer it fully. Hmm. I do think a big difference is, um, [00:13:00] ah, let's see. Well, very physically, I no longer clenched my teeth.

Monica Climaco: I used to just have all this clenched ness, your attention here in the jaws. Um, and I remember a dentist appointment back in 2021 or 2022 or something, and the dentist was like, do you grind your teeth? And I said, I don't think so. Yep. The dentist was like, I see signs of it. You to work on this dentist was very no nonsense, not judgemental, but just like, I'm just gonna tell you how I know.

Yeah. Uh, and so you gotta. Manage your stress. I'm like, oh, okay. As if I wasn't already aware of my stress levels. Yeah, yeah. I know, right. And um, that's just one symptom of the stress person. Right. And, and self-conscious about whether or not I'm managing it well. But that's one thing. [00:14:00] And then I think. I guess more metaphysically, I'm still working on it, but I have been really enjoying, uh, being a student of the concept of like, what would it look like?

What would it mean, what would it feel and be like, uh, to just be honest and even if it, even if it means I'm not liked or mm. I make a mistake, I do something quote unquote bad. Um, and that, that feels like a big shift because I used to be such a perfectionist, um, and such a people pleaser slash I heard this term a couple weeks ago, A self abandoner.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, and so yeah, I, it, it feels. Now, [00:15:00] like I'm not abandoning myself even when I'm maybe not my best, you know? Yeah. Even when I'm probably like a grump or really not great to be around really cranky or something. Mm-hmm. Um, but yeah, it's sitting with the, I can still be a worthy human being even when I am.

A little. I don't wanna use a bad word, but, you know. Yeah, no, no. Use a bad word. I mean, there's a, there's fucking in the title, like, you can swear here. Don't worry. I guess I didn't know which one to choose, so. Oh, well. Whatever you want. I don't Thank you. Yeah, I love that. As you're talking, like, I'm like, okay.

Kylie Patchett: I have tension in my jaw. Definitely. I feel like, um, one of the things that like my physical equivalent of that kind of tension is, [00:16:00] um, and it's kind of the flip side, so I don't necessarily get a buildup of this when I'm out of balance, but when I'm in balance, my sense of the structure of my body and I have a joint condition as well, so there's kind of like something that definitely happens, but my sense of like.

I don't wanna word the use, use the word rightness because that makes it kind of sound very binary. But, um, my feeling of resourcing is always present to me in my hips. So if my hips feel stable and stable and strong, which is where the. Joint condition plays out most of the time, but also like fluid and able to respond.

And I, there's a certain feeling I get when I'm walking that's like, oh yeah, that's that. And it's so funny because I haven't actually had that for quite some time. I didn't realize that I hadn't until yesterday when I was like, oh, I'm feeling really. Fluid, like, you know, like, but strong fluid, because for me [00:17:00] mm-hmm.

I'm over flexible. Um, so strength is one of the things that I source, whereas it might be different for different bodies. But, um, the other thing that I noticed too, as you are talking, I'm like the, like the felt sense of being free from stickiness in your mind, that happens. Like when your body and your mind are connected.

And I feel like I spent so many decades of my life living from the chin up as a protective mechanism, Uhhuh, and I feel like as you're talking like the self abandonment. It's so easy to self abandon when you're in your head because you are in your conditioning by definition. That's like your brain is there to protect you from the things that you think are gonna kill you.

Right? Um, and unfortunately, a lot of us have been conditioned that, yeah, if you don't, people please, if you don't, you know, fawn or whatever, you know, fill in the bullshit, um, that we will not be safe. Whereas then if you are anchoring back into your body, you're like, oh, hang on a minute. Here's the truth of, here's the truth here, and I can actually feel right.[00:18:00]

That somatic response to me abandoning or saying yes to something I know I shouldn't or whatever. And, um, right. I feel like there's nowhere to hide when you're living through your body. Whereas up here there's all sorts of shit that you're hiding from, but also you're listening to all sorts of, um, right.

Yeah. So I feel like that, like, isn't that such a juicy, it's so. It also feels like anarchy, like as you're talking Yeah. The, the word that it's like anarchy, right? Like it's saying I love that. No, to all the systems of oppression that have told us that our being in the world and our lack of power or whatever is the way to move, you know, that it's like.

All externally dictated. Yes. And when you start living through your body, it's like, I have an internal guidance system here and you're not gonna like it. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And I just think, yeah, what a joy that people like. I just turned 50. What a joy that people in many, many, [00:19:00] much younger stages of their lives are coming into this work.

Um, because I just feel like. You've got the tools to understand when you're self abandoning, like, you know, a good long time before I learn them. So like, props to you. And the fact that this is being talked about in younger generations just makes my heart just so like, I know in lots of ways the world is like crumbling a little bit in mm-hmm.

Countries. Yeah. But there is this. Real knowing and wisdom that younger people are leaning into? Yes. In my experience, at least a lot more. Um, yes. Certainly my daughters are not playing out the same stories that I was given at their age. Oh, that's so, yeah. That beautiful. It feels, I love that. It feels really, yeah.

It just warms my heart when I have conversations Yeah. With people that, and I don't wanna make age a thing 'cause I don't think it really is. But what I mean is much younger [00:20:00] in your development and, and then what, what that means for the, you know, the trajectory of where you'll end up being able to move into, because I don't know, like.

If living like this moves, moves you a percentage more towards your full self each year. Mm-hmm. Like, wow. Yeah. That's really cool. I mean, I, I think, I think it's important to also, for, for me anyway, to know that, um, while age doesn't equate to like maturity or where people should be in their development, um, time is.

Monica Climaco: Is a, you know, is a unit of measurement that has value. Mm-hmm. Uh, how we define that value and, and how much value we place on it is gonna be up to each person. But I think it is important to, uh, connect the [00:21:00] dots, right? Like, oh, why are all of these shifts in, uh, spirituality or mindset or, or, um, mental health?

Discussions, you know, happening now at the same time that the world is crumbling and on fire. So there Exactly. And there's gotta be a connection. So yeah, that's just something that I'm thinking about from what you said. And it's, I, it's funny too for, for me to hear that from you. Like you having just heard 50, um.

And how you feel with people who are, uh, younger than you. I'm like, oh, I feel like I'm late in my development too. No, honey. So it's just like, oh, we're, we are all gonna have. This type of experience, no matter what age you No, we're, yeah. Yeah. I do feel like there is, um, so much truth in what you're just saying is like as the systems are crumbling, there's also an uprising [00:22:00] and there's a, a switch in.

Kylie Patchett: Um, I was actually just listening to a, um, human design, um, lecture and they're talking about like the change that we go through in 2027 where it's, it's changing like a, the consciousness is changing to the cross of the Phoenix, which is really cool. 'cause I work with the Phoenix archetype a lot. That's not just about she, yeah.

And I'm kind of like, okay, cool. So. Maybe we are just all on time. Yes. Like maybe this is all happening. Yes. Right. Exactly. Like what I was saying earlier, it's just we're just trusting the timing. Things are gonna happen exactly as the as and when they need to happen. Um, I also resonate with the Phoenix, so that's a nice little there.

Monica Climaco: Um, I am thinking about how. You said you lived up in your head a lot and I, I'm also, I'm resonating with that too, and I think that is, um, I [00:23:00] mean it's a tool of the systems that be and all of that. Right. Uh, and I what pop into my head listening to you say that is forgiveness, because I, I do think that's a big.

Piece of my journey and also how I hold space for other people in theirs. Um, it doesn't help me to, it doesn't support me to beat myself up for living in my head. Yeah, exactly. For, for however long I did that. Right. Um, it was just doing what it thought. Was necessary and best at the time. And it got me through to who I am and how I am here today.

Yeah. So, uh, I don't wanna, I don't wanna fight with it for just doing what it needed to do to survive. And [00:24:00] I think that's like part of what I want to share as a. Thematic practitioner with folks in whatever spaces I am in. It's like,

how can you forgive the parts of you that maybe you look back now? It's like, oh, I, that's not the choice that it would've made, but it seemed like the choice at the time. How can you just thank it to get you to the point where, oh, I do have other choices now. You know, this is one access point and then I have this arm and you know, other access points in the rest of my body.

And also, it doesn't mean we never check in with our minds. Oh God. Right. And again, right. Like yeah, it still has wisdom. Um mm-hmm. Even the people pleasing parts of us still have some wisdom that they can share too. Um, yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. As you were talking, I to, I'm reminded, sorry, Monica, I didn't mean to speak.

Kylie Patchett: No. [00:25:00] Um, as you're talking, I'm reminded of the wisdom that I always, I really feel like such a settling in myself when I lean into like the internal family systems kind of concept of like, there's no bad part. Like the part of the part of me that decided to live for my chin up was a protective mechanism.

It was for my highest good at the time. In the way that I knew how. Um, but I do, I love that you've brought self forgiveness to the table because I do feel like I was having a conversation with someone about, um, trauma and trauma release and the concept of like forgiving others around trauma and everything.

And I just said to her, I'm gonna be really honest and, and say that my lived experience around trauma is that the person I was most resistant to forgiving is myself. Like that, yes. That there was, you know, there's. The things that happened or the, you know, rightness or wrongness or whatever you wanna assign about that.

But actually it was when I was able to lean into and [00:26:00] dissolve the parts of me that wanted to keep the younger, my younger self, you know, wrong or at fault for things that, um, yeah, it just, it just, there was some magical alchemy that happens when. When you can release the part of you that wants you to be different.

'cause it's like it's in the past anyway. You're never gonna win that battle. Like, you know. So, um, I don't know, like, it just feels like surrender to me of like, um, what is, but also then like knowing when those protections do become. Something that I'm not willing to do to myself anymore or, you know, not willing to.

Right. And then trying different things on for size, because I feel like yes, when something gets this kind of moment in the sun, um, like somatics feels like, I feel like sometimes there's, I don't know whether you'd agree with this, but some sort of like, [00:27:00] oh, if I don't like dancing or if I don't like, like wiggling my hips around, then somatics is not for me.

So I'm wondering like. If there were things that you notice about kind of preconceived notions around somatics, would there be anything that like calls to mind as like, let's bust some myths here. Like, let's first all, at least from your perspective about, you know, yes. Yeah. Yes, yes. So I'll, I'll reiterate again that, um.

Monica Climaco: It's such a wide field actually. Mm-hmm. I think more than pe what people notice. And even more than what I can speak to because you know, you mentioned dance, you mentioned movement and swaying your hips, and I do think those are the like sexy, trendy. Yeah. They like the stereotype. Yeah. Yeah. Of somatics that's, um, being circulated around.

Uh, but. It's not just that. Mm-hmm. And so if that [00:28:00] form of somatics isn't for you mm-hmm. Uh, there are other forms it can, which like a really simple one can literally just be holding your own hand. Mm-hmm. Um, it can be humming. Yeah. It can be riding with your non-dominant hand. Mm-hmm. There's so many. Forms.

Uh, so I guess that's like the biggest myth I can trust about it is it's much wider than what's presented, uh, online. And then I think you present this like beautiful moment for, for me to, uh, also share that somatics is actually so much about choice and autonomy and. Sovereignty and your, your inner power, like within and for yourself.

And so if dancing, if [00:29:00] wiggling your hips doesn't work for you, don't do it. You always have the choice. And actually that is like a somatic healing moment within itself. To choose this form is not for me, but let me go try other things on precise. And I, I really like that. Um. Like way of phrasing. It's like, oh, it's, it's, it's like putting on a shirt and you realize, oh, this is, this doesn't fit it, it doesn't feel good.

So you can, it's not the only shirt out there you can go try another one on. I love that. I just, as you're talking about like the, I don't know, like it, I've got the same sort of like ridiculous stereotype in my head about when you, when you say the word healer, right? Like not so much now, but particularly when.

Kylie Patchett: The kind of more witchy or woo element of the internet came out of the closet uhhuh. There was this ridiculous like stereotypical, like everybody had purple websites [00:30:00] and everybody had flowing clothes and everybody was a particular way. And like with my work with my clients, I'm constantly saying like, you can do the same sort of work in the world with a completely different flavor genius zone, um, way of accessing it.

And. Um, just because you think that something looks a particular way, I just feel like there's sometimes too much kind of posturing or something that happens on the internet and it's like, can we stop with like what is sexy or what is stereotypical, or what is flowy or what is whatever? And actually just.

Be real about the entire gamut of things because I feel like we could offer the medicine of so many different modalities to people if they could see themselves more in the ways that it's talked about. Like just saying, you have a choice and this is actually a chance to reclaim sovereignty and reclaim that in a power.

I'm like, okay, [00:31:00] now instead of the word somatic, which may or may not mean anything in particular, or a stereotype, now I'm like. Well, fuck, I'm all about sovereignty, so let's like, yeah. Okay, well what don't I know about this? So, um, I love that as an entry point. Can you talk more about that? So you just used the word, like of the words internal power, which I really, I love the strength of because it feels very grounded and anchored for me, which I, that's the juice for me.

But like, what do you mean by that and what, what is the, like before people. Enter this work or know of all of the different access points. Can you wrap language around where their power perhaps might have been or might be stuck or cut away from them, or, I'm not sure if I'm using the right language. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Monica Climaco: Oh, what a beautiful question. Can I wrap language around where I think [00:32:00] other people's power may have been placed if it was not?

Okay. I'm gonna name that coming into this, uh, into this conversation with you. I was all sorts of worried because, uh, it's interesting 'cause when I was younger I always thought I was going to be a writer of some sort. And now I'm like, I don't know. How to word things. Ah, interesting. And to, mm-hmm. Yeah.

And to, to speak to your question or even to speak to my own experience with, uh, somatics or the different things that have happened to me in life. I'm like, I can't put words to this. I wish I could upload a feeling so that you get me. Um, can you talk to us in like sense describing rather than. Because it, yes.

Kylie Patchett: [00:33:00] Words are just one way. Right. So I know that words are still what you're describing with, but is that easier? I'm just gonna try my best. Yeah. Go. I just needed to name that and, and yes, I'm gonna try my best. Um, and maybe the best is actually, yeah. I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll bring my own story into it in that when I.

Monica Climaco: Didn't feel like I had access to my own power within me, because I think it's, it's not that it's, mm. How do I put this? Oh my goodness. Okay. I don't think it's ever really taken from us. Yes, it's, I think everyone has their power. Mm-hmm. Always. It's maybe more a matter of, is somebody else disconnecting you from it, including yourself?

Yes. [00:34:00] Because of something else. Um, or, yeah, limiting, limiting the, the access, right? Mm-hmm. And we, and least in the societies that I know over, that I live in currently, we get. Conditioned, um, in various ways that success looks like this. A good person looks like this, da da. And when we subscribe to those isms or Yeah.

Um, sies and think, oh, that's the only way. Mm-hmm. Um, we going back to choice right. Our, our. Choice is lacking. Um, yes. Or our choices are taken away because we're told it's just this and nothing else. Mm-hmm. Um, so I think that is [00:35:00] one way I can try to speak to like, where did the power go? It, well, it went to one, the, the, the forces that did, um, disconnect you from your own source.

Uh. And when you keep subscribing to that, then it keeps living in the hands of that. Oh my gosh. I don't know if any of that makes sense. No, I think I, I, I think like, let me add what, like try and wrap up the sense that I'm getting from you in words, and you can tell me whether this feels right or not.

Kylie Patchett: What I'm, what I'm hearing is the power is always within us. But sometimes the conditioning might kind of make some sort of cage around it, or at least the perception of a cage around it so that we can't Yes. Unfurl it or use it or have agency over it, or at least think that we can't. Yes. Because of the external.

And so I guess it kind of feels to [00:36:00] me like the power over versus power from within paradigm shift that we are all in the middle of. Yes. And then I guess when that happens. Because it's truth for so long, or it can seem like truth for so long, the conditioning is so ingrained in societies and families and like, you know, since the industrial revolution.

And so I guess when it happens for so long and we can get so, um. So much weight to the story of we don't have power, we don't have control, or we don't have choice. Mm. I mean, that's when, like, I'm just thinking back to my own life, anytime that I've felt powerless, which is the exact opposite of my highest value, which is freedom.

Mm. Um, I have felt depressed. Like I've had very, yeah. Low, um, mental health periods where I have just felt like. There is nothing I can do that's in my control. And then, you know that mm-hmm. [00:37:00] Motivation goes down and it's a very deep, dark pathway in my lived experience to be on. So I feel like there's, I don't know.

Monica Climaco: Does that feel true to you? The way that I described. Yeah, absolutely. I think, uh, similarly for me when I thought, oh, I can only be this one way and that's the only right way to be, otherwise I sh I failed or whatever. Yeah, whatever words have you. Um, I was also really depressed and you know, too, and, and.

But I also, there were all these truths that were bubbling up and some things, some multiple things telling me like there are other ways to be, there are other ways to you can be, that will actually feel more freeing to you and more. In [00:38:00] your power for you. But you have to be brave enough to live it and, and be okay with it.

Not aligning with what society tells you is the right thing. And that clash, was so strong, , for a long time and actually very painful to the point where I was like, I don't think. I can live like this anymore.

Kylie Patchett: Yeah. , 

Monica Climaco: that, yeah, I don't think I can carry all of this on top of the pressures, the external pressures.

 So, , I did, I mean, multiple times, but I attempted, I've attempted suicide and Yeah. , thankfully. That's like my biggest failure that I am proud of because celebrating, what was that? We're glad you're still here with us. Yes, me too. I've, it's like, oh, that failure was actually a success. , it was just, and, and I think that's [00:39:00] my biggest thing that I had to learn to forgive myself for.

Um, suicide is such a like. I think the narrative is changing more now. Uh, but for a long time the dominant stories around it are that like, oh, it's a sin. I grew up Catholic. Um, it's a sin if you, if you do that, it's, you know, against God and , you are gonna hurt so many people if you choose that path.

And it's like, oh my gosh. Like, how could I even. Imagine it or fathom it or go to the point of trying to carry it out. , and so much so that I, I didn't really talk about it. I didn't even really talk about it in therapy. And that should be the place where I feel like I could., and so somatics, I think, I didn't put this [00:40:00] together until just now, but I think.

Finding a different way, those different access points. You know, I knew intellectually, cognitively there are other ways to be, but then how do I materially, tangibly, physically make that a reality? I could finally tap into my different parts and be like, Hey, it's okay that you made that decision.

I'm glad you're still here. I'm glad you're still with us and for anyone you know, thinking or contemplating about that, um, there are other choices, but also it's not wrong for you to consider that. Please don't go through with it. But there, there's so many painful things that, um, happen to us. Yeah. In this world and this age, uh, it's, it's valid [00:41:00] to look at an option that makes some of that pain, makes that pain go away, you know?

Um, yeah, like as

Kylie Patchett: you're talking, I'm reminded of, it's a Jim Carrey quote about depression, and I think for people that have never been in. A state where they don't feel that there's other choices around being here or not being here. I think it's really easy to be quite like judgmental or like a sign of rightness or a wrongness to, to that feeling.

And I think, um, I worked for a few years in mental health recovery and I think there's so much misunderstanding about mental health concerns and. The Jim Carrey quote goes something like, depression is just your soul asking for deep rest. So deep pressed, like [00:42:00] that's a kind of, you know. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And the need to rest comes when, at least in my, this is, you know, my understanding, my lens, my perspective comes from when we are trying to live in a particular way that is so painful to the root of who we are.

That we are forced into a state of requiring deep rest. And sometimes that feels like I need to not be here at all. That's the only thing that is going to give me the rest. And I think that, um.

Yeah. I feel like it's important to have conversations where people who've never experienced this understand that it's not like a, I'm choosing not to be here, I'm choose. Like I'm, it's, that is actually not well in, at least not in my understanding. Mm-hmm. And perspective and definitely with relatives that have very tricky mental health.

Um.[00:43:00]

I just, I just feel like there's a call to taking off the lens of judgment if that's what's happening for anyone. Mm-hmm. Listening and to truly. Listen to what you are feeling and the sensations that you're sharing, rather than the external construct of whether that's a right or a wrong choice. Right.

Because I think that's a dangerous thing. Yeah. So that's what stops people talking. That's what stops people asking for help. Is that lens of like rightness or wrongness good or evil, that type of thing? Yes. Um, yes. Yeah. And I just feel like. With somatic sensing? I don't know. I feel like there's a gateway between.

Something that's coming to me that wants to be like, I'm seeing this picture of like, like you said from the very beginning about like mind, body, soul, heart, et cetera, and it's like mm-hmm. When [00:44:00] one or two of them are completely out on the, out the reservation because they're being completely disowned, which is often the soul part of us that wants and needs completely different ways of moving through the world.

Mm-hmm. Like that lack of alignment is not it, it's not sustainable for us as humans. No. But then that somatic. Ability to kind of access things differently because I do think talk therapy, it definitely has its place. I've got a lot of clients that are psychologists, like more power to them. And also the majority of those clients will say the way that we've been taught through the lens of CBT being the only option is such a limited lens.

And so they play with all sorts of things inside their therapy room, but they're allowed to talk about it outside because of regulations. And I'm like. This is so fucked when we all know that this is, you know, yeah. It's only part of the puzzle and yes, it can be helpful and also there's other layers of, of access points, you know?

Monica Climaco: Yeah. Um, [00:45:00] yes.

Kylie Patchett: Mm, sorry. I kind of just went off on my own little journey then, didn't I? No, it sparkling green.

Monica Climaco: Yeah. No, thank you for sharing. I think, uh, I am. I'm definitely sitting with how I, I like that picture of, you know, our different parts and anytime one is a bit too far from the, because I, I also don't think alignment is like this rigid line and it has to be perfectly in, in place.

I kind of, there's, yeah, there's more flexibility to alignment than I, than I don't know. Other people might ascribe to it, but. It's, Hmm. It's also that do those parts feel like they're welcome and invited to be part of the party or whatever? Yeah. Right. Um, [00:46:00] when you were talking about Jim Carrey and depression, I felt that about the deep rest and it's also.

You were starting to allude to it, but it's, it's also when certain parts of us, um, want to be experienced and want to be expressed. Uh, I think something I saw the other day was like depression. The, the, the, uh, the opposite of depression isn't happiness, it's expression or something like that. And, uh. I'm like, yes, that is entirely it.

And the expression sometimes can be just as simple as saying, I am depressed. And yeah, I've always felt like if I can name that and we can talk about it and not, not be weird about it or dismissive, um, [00:47:00] that brings a lightness already and that's. I know it's heavy to keep bringing it back, but this is so I think, important to my, like, personal mission in life.

But I think with suicide or any, um, form of self harm, we are not curious enough about it. Uh, we, we could stand to ask a little bit more and it is, it's hard to hold that. So we need. Different resources and different supports to be able to hold ourselves in that space and conversation. But I think the more that we bring it up and talk about it and, and unpack like why, how, how could that be a viable option?

Yes. Um, which is ironic because viable life is anyway.

Kylie Patchett: Um, yeah.[00:48:00]

Monica Climaco: It can't just be like a, oh, it's all in that individual's head. It's, if so many people have attempted it, uh, uh, think about it, consider it. Mm-hmm. It, it's, it's bigger than an individual, right? Yeah. So a hundred percent, yeah.

Kylie Patchett: I think, um, the naming thing feels very powerful to me. And you did it in a micro wage just before by saying, like, I asked a big question and you're like, I'm not really sure that I've got the words to.

Wrap around this. Right. And I feel like there's so much power in just, and you know, I'm always talking about voice and visibility activation. Like I had an experience in a coaching circle just a few weeks ago in my mastermind group where I actually became, like, I felt really, um, what did I add? The language I used.

I don't think I used the word triggered, but it was something where we were having a conversation and I always welcome, [00:49:00] like the way that I open circles in new spaces is every single part of you, every single version of you, every single feeling, every single emotion is welcome here. Mm-hmm. So there's no need to put those parts over there on a reservation and say they're not palatable enough to be shown in the light of day.

'cause I think that is also. Self abandonment and I don't mm-hmm. Like, I don't desire my spaces to feel like that. Mm-hmm. And so I won't do it to myself either. So when I'm feeling something, I don't just continue on with this like mask of like, oh, I'm just gonna, I actually said, and it was such a powerful moment where I was like, oh my God.

Just those few words allowed me to release. The need to keep going and be like some sort of, you know, battery powered human. Yeah. Like some sort of robot. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And I actually just went, I said, I think I said something like, that's really, really hard for me to hear right now. And I'm feeling quite activated about it.

That's what I said. Um, but I also want you to know that you've been heard, but I'll need [00:50:00] space to kind of process how I wanna respond. And it was such a simple, like, it seems so simple, but I just feel like the voicing thing. Is something that we could use so much more just to externalize something.

Mm-hmm. And just make it okay. Like I, I just feel like there's too much performing. And if we are always performing, that means you're self censoring. Which is just more of the oppressive power externally. It's just that you're doing it in a part of yourself rather than someone else doing it to you. Right?

Yeah. I just feel like, I don't know, there's an invitation to wholeness, right? Like I am a human and I'm having an experience of being activated. Just because I'm a coach doesn't mean I don't have human emotions, and that's fuck off with all the bloody marketing material that says I'm this perfect, shiny human.

Like, yeah, doesn't interest me at all. Anyway. I think we're becoming wiser, though. I hope that we're becoming wiser.

Monica Climaco: Yes, I do think so. [00:51:00] I, I hope so. And I mean, I think I'm having more of these types of conversations with other people too, so that's just giving me a lot of hope. But I love that you said that and that you gave yourself that space and that moment.

And I think it, it probably, well, I don't know. I don't, I don't wanna ascribe meaning to it, but it's. It's, uh, you gave yourself that gift, you know, and I think similarly for me, I spent many years, um, ooh, let me go at this another way. Yeah, yeah. If say, prior to 2018, me. Was watching me do this interview now.

Yeah. She would probably be freaking out like, like she'd be like, what is she doing? Yeah. She sounds like she doesn't have it all figured [00:52:00] out. Uhhuh. Her pauses are too long. Um, oh my God. She said, I don't know, or I don't have an answer to what is she doing? And I'm like. Bless her. Love her. We hold her dearly, but mm-hmm.

It's, I am human and I think that is one of the best things I could have, uh, shifted to accepting about myself. I'm not a machine. Um, and I. Don't ever want to feel robotic or like on autopilot ever again. It, it means I wasn't living life as fully and wholly as like you mentioned. Um, and I want, you know, the full spectrum, the full range of this human experience in including the not so great parts.

Right? Yeah. Including. Saying, oh, I don't know. I can't answer that question. Yeah, I don't, including stuttering, [00:53:00] right? Yeah. Um, it makes the sweeter parts, all that, like lovelier and, and more Wonderful. Uh, and I, I want that for other people too. You were speaking earlier about how, um, when we spend so long or when people spend so long, only thinking, oh, this is only one way.

They get, um, yeah, they get just into that groove. Um, and then at some point something shakes them out of that groove.

Kylie Patchett: Yeah.

Monica Climaco: It's, it's very disorienting and, and very scary to be like, I don't know what this is. Yeah. I don't know what it's like to be. Human, I guess, or a full spectrum human. And I think that's outside the box.

Outside the box, outside of that groove that we were placed in, um, outside of the Matrix. Um, yeah, and I think [00:54:00] that's where work like yours or work like mine is, uh, is important. And uh, I would, I don't know that I would call myself an expert, but it's like, oh, I. Got myself with the support of other people out of the discomfort of what it was like to get chicken out of that groove.

Kylie Patchett: Yes.

Monica Climaco: Um, when other people are off that track, let me also help them. Yeah. To feel more comfortable with it.

Kylie Patchett: Yeah. This such a beautiful example of like, I often talk about the golden thread that pulls us to our legacy work and I. Do often have a sense of, and you know, this is new, not new news to anyone, but I have this sense of the challenges or the like, the contrast to being wholly human is often, you know, what we alchemize for ourselves over the fullness of time and what we invite [00:55:00] other people into.

And I just feel like when we are. Sharing our human experience that brings us to our work in the world. Like there is literally hundreds of other somatic based coaches. But there's not anyone with the same lived experience and personal perspective. And this is why like I, you know, part of me would love a little bit more regulation in so many ways and like coaching, but

Monica Climaco: mm-hmm.

There's

Kylie Patchett: also a part of me that's like the gold does not come from the paper, it comes from the lived experience. With some tools or some access points or whatever over the top of it. Absolutely. That's helpful. But to me, it's the soul of you that's gone through this that is the most magnetic to the people that you are meant to be working with and serving because your story story will resonate.

And that's the magic. And I think when we are not,

I don't wanna say brave enough, 'cause that almost sounds [00:56:00] like I'm wronging people that aren't at the stage, but when we can. Mm. Find the balance in our own journey and when there's no huge emotional charge so that we can share the depth of our humanness. If it, if it's something big, like what you've just shared, um, it's just such a beautiful, and again, I don't wanna use the word permission 'cause I hate that word, but it opens the door, opens the field of possibilities mm-hmm.

For other people listening to go. Okay. I actually see myself in this story, or I see myself in parts of this, and I have this sense in my body that there's something that's drawing me towards this person who does this work, and I think that that is. Where I do rail against the stereotype of all sorts of like the stereotype coach or the stereotype somatic, the stereotype life coach, the stereo.

Like, you know, like I, I, sometimes I think I should start a YouTube channel that's like shit that somatic coaches say shit that life coaches say. I'm [00:57:00] sure it's been done before. I'm sure that's not a new idea, but I just. I just feel like when we start thinking and talking like the same people in the same Yeah.

You know, genius zone. It's like, stop doing that. It's your differences and your uniqueness. Yeah. That's the gold. It's not the same sameness. Right. But yeah, I just, I wanna honor you for sharing the depth of your story because that is, it's such a precious thing to be on the receiving end. And also I understand too.

From when I do it myself, that there's catharsis in speaking it out loud for you as well, right? Mm-hmm. There's some,

Monica Climaco: mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Kylie Patchett: Magical. Yeah. Something, I don't even know what you call it, but there's, you know, that, that, I don't know. I don't wanna say it makes it worthwhile because I don't wanna assign that kind of balance to it, but

Monica Climaco: I get you.

Yeah. I think it, I think it, it, there's just something yes to it. Um. [00:58:00] Being seen. Yeah. Yeah. And it helps. Um, yeah. Yeah. What a delicious conversation.

Kylie Patchett: Thank you so much for sharing your light with us and Oh my God. Yeah. I just, it's so, I just love so much. Sharing space with humans and learning from them and different stories and everything.

So thank you. I wanna ask though, where can we find you and your deliciousness in the world? So if someone wants to come and connect and learn more? Oh my goodness.

Monica Climaco: Okay. This is, uh mm. In the interest of naming things, this is like bringing up my edges with visibility, but I am on Instagram at. Monica C, it's Monica with three M's.

Mm-hmm. Uh, I'm also actually on YouTube as well. Now. I don't think that was true when [00:59:00] we first connected. Yes. And on YouTube, I, I go by like some of my favorite nicknames, which is Momo, monster Munchkin. I'll have to type, type that out to you so I can be read and written out. Um, but that is where I can be found and typically that.

That's how like I usually can connect, get connected with people who then if they want to work together, um, there's that. I also wanna give a shout out to a somatic school that I'm a part of. Nice. It's called. Yeah. I'm a, I'm a, I helped do operations there and, and I'm also a rotating facilitator there.

Mm-hmm. So that's another way people can, um, find me. It's called somatics for the people. Oh, what a cool name. Yeah. Yeah. And thank you. Oh my gosh. I will tell you, [01:00:00] when I got your message, I was like, is is this really for me? I dunno if that's right. Um, and I heard, you know, your intro of like the big movers and shakers and this, oh, I don't think I'm big at all and I ah, really was getting all.

Twisted in my head about like, am I gonna have something to say that's gonna be different or unique or whatever? And, and I, life works in really funny ways. I the universe like reminded. Um, like replayed something back to me that I had said to somebody else, Uhhuh, it was a similar kind of moment, a situation where they're like, but everybody's doing this work already.

Like, I don't wanna add to the noise, or, or it's oversaturated, da da da. And I think I had said to them like, yeah, but no one's doing it. [01:01:00] The way that you are gonna do it, so, exactly. I'm like, okay, I'm, it's gonna be fine. And if I just remember that my, you know, my true, my main purpose in life is. To be as true to myself as possible, like in any given moment, uh, including stuttering and not knowing how to answer your questions.

Human, I think that's, yeah, exactly. If I allow myself to be human, hopefully. Yeah. Like. Someone else can feel that they can just be their human selves too. Yeah,

Kylie Patchett: exactly. I should, um, I should have actually opened that. Uh, I, I've had forgotten how we were connected 'cause I'm like, I just feel like I've always known you.

Um, I was, because I put a thing out on Instagram and said, you know, I would love more disruptors, rebels, revolutionaries on the podcast. And it is funny because the people I've connected with, because other people shared. You know who they were, who, [01:02:00] who they, because you were like elected or like judge, you know, like put in front.

And uh, it's just such a beautiful thing because so often we don't see ourselves the way that other people see us. So yay to actually being honored and stepping into it for you. So, mm, what a delicious conversation. Thank you so much for sharing your heart with us.

Monica Climaco: Thank you so much for receiving it. So

Kylie Patchett: good.

Monica Climaco: Have a beautiful day. Thank you.

Kylie Patchett: There you go. Beautiful. One another delicious, juicy truth talking episode with a disruptor, rebel, or revolutionary sharing the identity shifts and the mess and the magic of leading right on the edge of your expansion and going first as a visionary leader, as a woman, creating a business and inviting people to completely new ways of learning, living, loving, and leading.

It is not lost on me [01:03:00] that you have invested your time and your energy in listening to the show. I'm so grateful for your beautiful heart, for the work that you do in the world, and I know that if you are here, you are more than likely one of what I call the mad hatters, so the quirky, colorful, creative out of the box.

Often neuros, sparkly paradigm shifters and thought leaders. So I'm so grateful that you're here. If you loved this episode, which I'm sure you did, please do me a favor and share it with someone else who needs to understand that their quirkiness and their full unapologetic self-expression is more than enough, and in fact is the secret source to growing a wildly.

Successful, abundant, nourishing, sustainable business. So here is to us the mad hatters, the crazy out of the box people saying no to old paradigms and [01:04:00] inviting into the new. And if you'd love to go the extra mile, please make sure that you subscribe on the platform that you are on. So you never miss an episode and hey, it would be sweet, sweet, sweet if you would leave us a five star review.

It means the world to us and it helps us get this truth talk and this magic and this power out to even more mad hatters. So have a beautiful day and I will speak with you next week.