S6E33: Inside out Identity Shifts - How to place a crystal clear order with the Universe!

Most of us place our order with the universe and then quietly cancel it the moment things get hard.

Not dramatically. Just... we stop owning it. Stop speaking it. Stop letting ourselves want it as much.

This episode is about what it actually takes to place a crystal clear order and hold the identity of someone who receives it, before it shows up in your reality.

This is a solo episode and it's a juicy one. Fresh off the back of S6E32 and the "I am my own solid ground" moment, Kylie goes deeper into the inside out identity shifts that actually change what becomes possible in your life and business.

Here's what we get into:

• why most of us are better at holding ourselves through fear than we are at holding ourselves through joy, ease and desire
• the ocean of abundance analogy and why so many of us are holding up a thimble
• what placing a crystal clear order to the universe actually looks like
• why identity shifting is the missing piece that no morning routine, mentor or magic pill can replace
• the difference between wanting something and being the woman who receives it
• what your values have to do with all of it and where the gaps are hiding

Strategy only is not shifting your business or your life. This one is about the inside out work that does.

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Transcript

Hello friends. Welcome to another solo episode. If you listen to the last solo episode, you will have heard my reflections on the fact that I have been in a lived experience of fear and freedom being two sides of the same coin. And I have this working theory that the more that we build capacity to feel.

The overwhelm or the fear or the doubt or whatever we have trying to run interference between us and changing our lives. Then we also open up the potential to experience the opposite, so the more power we have. Being, giving to [00:02:00] fear, the more we can lean into it and build capacity to feel the reactions in our body and our emotional weather and still stay in the room, stay in the arena, maybe get a bit bruised, maybe a little bit dirty.

But yeah, that we actually also open up our capacity for the ease and the flow and the abundance and the joy and all of the things on the other side. So I've also been thinking about. You know, universal orders, like I have been saying for years, that most of us deal with the universe in a way that's like, here's what I want, but I'm only gonna fully own it, speak it, desire it, lean into it when I'm feeling like everything's good or everything.

Ah, is like ticking along, going my way. And then what tends to happen if you're anything, like, I have always been as soon as something big or small, you know, my capacity's grown over the years, but [00:03:00] it used to be that if anything came across my windshield or my lived experience where it's like, that's not aligned with what I just ordered from the universe.

And it was almost like I had a little dummy spit and I was like, well, fine. I don't want it anyway. Or. You're saying you want something, but you're actually not owning the fullness of your desires because there's like a set point of like, how good am I allowed for this to get? And I actually think that that is why my fear brain has been working overtime.

I have this theory that because we are making this big leap going overseas and saying. The most important things for us to be do, have is adventure, new experiences, new cultures, that beautiful beginner's mind that happens in new you know, new situations, new scenarios. Uh, before we decided we were going away, I had had a moment where I said to my husband, I feel like I [00:04:00] am in Groundhog Day.

Like, I feel like I'm making the same decisions, living the same sort of life. There's not much variety. And of course for a neuros sparkly brain that's even more uncomfortable. I don't know if you're also neuros sparkly. I would love to hear your lived experience of how much you love change. Because I found myself, I think I've spoken about this in another episode.

I found myself in a training the other day and the trainer said, all human beings hate change, and I'm like, I do not hate change. I actually really love what happens in my brain when I have to figure things out or problem solve. But also when I'm seeing something I've never seen, like a beautiful river or experiencing a food I never have, or just getting on and off a train in a foreign country and having to kind of figure all those things out.

And I was like, is that, is that a Kylie thing? Is it a neuro sparkly thing? I would have to say that I think it [00:05:00] is. Change that is not my choice and is like thrust upon me when I was going in this direction and then something happens and I'm going in that direction. Yeah, it makes me uncomfortable, but there's still a part of me that's like, oh, okay, how, how do we respond here?

So I wonder if that is, I don't know. Is that like a personality quirk or is it an A DHD thing? I don't know. Anyway, in general. I love change, and so my brain has had so much to feast on, but I am also noticing that the more I say yes to freedom, yes to travel, yes to different cultures yes to beginner's mind, yes to this lush or satiation of the senses, the more loud the fear gets.

And I. I feel like this is not something that's spoken about enough when I'm saying [00:06:00] capacity building, mostly I'm talking about it through the lens of being able to hold yourself steady when uncomfortable feelings come up. But as I've been moving through this last probably 18 months, I reckon my personal understanding has expanded because.

It's not just building capacity for the tricky things. I think for a lot of us, me included, actually, the bigger flex or the bigger invitation is to build capacity for centering the things that you actually value and leaning into and owning the fullness of your desires. I remember at the beginning of this year too, I had this moment where like, I, I have been doing wealth consciousness work for a long, long time as something, you know, a big, big pattern of mine.

I've talked about many times in this podcast about working hard to make money or only ever just [00:07:00] having enough or that type of thing. And when I was doing that work, I had this realization that my set point for receiving and ease of receiving, like receiving just because was almost non-existent. And I used the, you.

The language I often use is like, there's an ocean of abundance, and I was holding up a little symbol and saying, just this, please. Because I just had no lived experience of owning the fullness of what I truly wanted, which is overflow and more than enough, and being able to use wealth to literally make choices that will impact the world and many, many more people.

And you know, conscious buying and good organic food and supporting local farmers, like all of the things. And I really realized that for me and a lot of my clients, it's the capacity to hold, the ease and the flow and the abundance. That is even more tricky. And so [00:08:00] now when I talk about being my own solid ground, it's not just in the trying emotions, it's the fullness of it.

Like the fear and the freedom, the joy. And the sorrow, the grief, and the gratitude, like this whole polarity of life. And you know, I'm not the first one to say this anyway. My sense is for most of us, when we make an order to the universe, the universe puts our order into its delivery truck and it starts, beep, beep, beep, beep, out into the street, and it's zooming along towards us and our life.

And we go, yes, I want this, I want this, I want this. Ugh, it's not coming. I'm fine. And the wanting or the desiring or the order changes to I will just bring you whatever you think. And you know, if you at a restaurant and you really wanted, the thing that comes to my mind, we haven't had a barbecue for ages, so I am, [00:09:00] as soon as I said that, I'm like, I will have, organic. Grass fed beef. Sorry for my vegetarian, vegan friends. Beef medium well with my own homemade mushroom sauce and he a heap of broccoli and asparagus with maybe a little bit of herb butter or something, but not over it. 'cause I don't like too much. I'd like to just dip it. That's my order. Right?

Really, really clear, really explicit. That's exactly what I want. But most of us go, just bring me whatever you think. I dunno, I saw a really cool meme about this on Instagram. If I can find it, I'll put it in the show notes and this chick's like, you know, I want this. And she keeps on getting the wrong order.

And yeah, it's about holding the pose or holding, holding the identity of being a woman who can receive what she's saying she wants before it turns up in her reality. And I think that's what I, I most like the key takeaway from this kind [00:10:00] of, I don't know, feeling it through of mine, is that identity shifting is the part that allows us to move from someone who wants the thing but can't imagine having the thing and is definitely not the identity of a woman who actually receives the thing.

Unless it's to do with sacrifice or working hard or whatever. Two, the identity and the thoughts and the feelings and the habits and the behaviors and all of those things of a woman who can receive that. And for me, that has been the missing piece on so many of the big, like the big, you know, patterns.

I've been working on for years. It's like, oh my God, am I working on this again? Like I'm a bit bloody over it. But this is a [00:11:00] thing. It keeps coming around and around and around until we have the capacity to hold it. And I am so present to the fact that up until now, I don't think I would've had the capacity.

To really hold my ground as someone who can say, I'm leaving the country for 12 months at least, and I'm traveling the world and I'm having a big adventure. And so I haven't been, and that's the piece. It's like, you are not a woman who can do these things or receive these things or have these things or desire these things and speak them out loud until you decide you are.

And so. There's so many of us that believe the bullshit, that it's about the surface stuff like the to-do list or the strategy, or hiring the right mentor or doing the right morning routine, or [00:12:00] journaling for 15 minutes and meditating for minutes and having a green juice and blah, blah, blah. Like fill in the bullshit here where actually I really, truly believe this from the inside out.

And it's the inside out identity shifts that I open up the field of possibilities and the magnetism. You have to be able to, A, have the opportunity come to you and B, to receive it and actually be like, of course. Of course. This is just my new normal. Right? And so when I was talking about the fear and or the close to panic attack in the last episode that I did, which was a solo.

I really wanna say that I think that the fear is triggered for me much more about centering, joy, adventure, beginner's mind. Uh, you know, the great unknown than it is about holding myself through fear. 'cause actually, I'm pretty good at holding myself through fear like I have been, like I wrote a book about making [00:13:00] friends with feedback in 2015, I think 15 or 16, whatever.

This is not new work for me. But what is new work is actually identity shifting over time. Because that's the other thing, like internet would love us to believe that there is some magic energy medicine practice or meditation or whatever, and it's like this quick external fix and I'm like, no. No, no.

Nope, nope. Identity shifts from the inside out and no one else can choose it for you. So I guess my question to you is, what do you truly, truly, truly value? And what do you truly, truly, truly desire? And then notice the gaps. I something that actually made us really say yes to this entire wild idea that we had.

From one conversation that was got had nothing to do with travel. It [00:14:00] was about, we met our financial plan and we were talking about selling our second block and blah, blah, blah, and then we talked to a real estate agent and then the real estate agent was talking about renting, and I'm like, hang on a minute.

How can, how much can we get for rent? All of that came from this weird collection of events that had nothing to do with travel, and I fully believe that that's because I finally was able. To try emphasize the identity of a woman who can have more joy, more ease, more flow, more ocean. Oh my God. Take me to the ocean.

Take me to the ocean. I'm so excited about that part. Well, I did just get, yeah, a uh, uh, beautiful new pirate scar, which is quite big, um, because of my time in the sun. So Crowley has to be sun safe whilst in the ocean. So, yeah, what do you value? And something that helped kind of tip over the edge is, you know, I talk a lot about freedom.

I [00:15:00] talk a lot about my values. I named this podcast Wild and Finally Fucking Free. And if I was being honest with myself, a lot of the Groundhog Day. Reality was still not all men. That was free. It's not the not the habits, the behaviors, the thoughts, the feelings, the emotions, the decision. I was gonna say decision matrix.

That sounds very wanky and very corporate. But the decision filters, we are not one random fly in here. Welcome to Australia. Yeah. They weren't, they weren't aligned to, yeah. Freedom. So where, what are your values and where are you not in alignment? And then also my secondary question is, what do you actually desire?

And like how do you take a couple of steps towards that? Or how do you actually spot where your identity, your thoughts, your feelings, your habits, your [00:16:00] behaviors, your beliefs are not matching that.

Because, yeah, no one else gets it aside. No one else can craft your life for you, especially not when it's an inside out job. So that's it from me. Identity shifting, values desire. And yeah, give yourself permission to choose and desire and align to what is actually important to you. And also, I think the other important thing is, would I have been ready to do this even two years ago or three years ago?

No, because one of my highest values then was still being very, very present as a parent, as my kids were first heading off into the world. You get to shift and change and grow and evolve, and that means your values are gonna change, your desires will likely change. Where you wanna be in the world will likely change.

And so just because [00:17:00] my value system is freedom, adventure, and basically living in the ocean 24 7. If I could, I would live underwater. Yours might be completely different. You might be in a completely different phase of life where you are nesting and thinking about starting a family, or you've got, you know, teenagers going through that really tricky, like full on few years at school where everything feels like it's just, socially and emotionally and scholastically.

Like there's a lot of space that needs to be made and held and. All that stuff. So you might be in a completely different phase and that's okay. The wild woman inside of you knows the answer to those two questions. What do you value? What do you desire? Where are the gaps? And it's time to lean in.

It's time to lean in. Friends, bye bye.