Gap Year S7E6 | 114 days deep, and I owe past me a thank you

Recorded pre-sunrise on a beach in Da Nang, five days before a quick trip home, before we're back out again for Thailand, Cambodia and Laos.

It's been two months since the last episode. Because I made a decision back in Bali to stop doing things out of "should," full stop. Not just the podcast. Business. Life. All of it.

114 days since we left Australia, and I'm on the other side of the fear that nearly stopped me from leaving at all. What's waiting there isn't some dramatic transformation. It's been a slower. More spacious. Way softer unfolding into a version of me that doesn't need to fill every hour to feel worthy of it.

For the most part, I don't have the words yet to capture this recalibration - of identity, of values, or self devotion so this is a pre-sunrise rambling heart to heart.

in this episode:

- what happens when you stop doing things out of "should" in business, relationships and life overall
- 114 days on the other side of fear, and the slower, more spacious way of living I found there
- going unmedicated ADHD cold turkey and what my nervous system had to say about it (the happy surprises and the truth on the emotional ebbs + flows)
- my new love for Zumba, my re-united love of weights, and the sand burying ritual the local ladies swear by (it works)
- why I'm done 'good girl' performing for anyone, on this podcast or off it

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Transcript

[00:00:00] Hello, friends. Long time no speak. I do not have my fancy speaker with me 'cause I'm headed to the beach. It is pre-sunrise here in Dane. It's been a long time between drinks, hasn't it? Far out. I think the last podcast I recorded was about two months ago. So we are on the eve of returning to Australia.

I'm actually heading to the beach to actually see the sunrise, and I'm just heading out there going, "Oh, I can feel spits of rain. Maybe we won't see the sunrise." Anyway, not to worry. Yes, we are on the eve of going back to Australia for a couple of weeks for birthday celebrations and yeah, a few family things going on that need my attention, which is all good.

So I've been thinking about we left Australia 114 days ago. I just did the maths before. I was like, [00:01:00] "Whoa, isn't that wild?" And you know how I shared with you guys on the podcast about, How much fear was coming up for both of us, for me and Mr. P just in terms of setting sail on a grand adventure.

You don't know whether you're doing the right thing. All the fear about, leaving kids and leaving family responsibilities and in hindsight, a lot of the fear came from am I able, am I allowed to want what I want? Am I allowed to get so up close and personal with my desires that I just say yes to them?

And for some of you, that might sound a little bit weird, but for anyone who identifies as a recovering good girl or anything close to, people pleaser tendencies or just old ways of being where it's like no, that's not what we do. We don't leave [00:02:00] responsibilities behind. We fulfill our duties," shall we say.

Oh, it is spitty. A rain podcast. This is one of the very many places you can get your feet massaged at 24/7, of course. 24/7. Everything is 24/7. Oh, and also the karaoke music has to go with it, right? So yeah, I've been reflecting on the last 114 days. Everything from...

Oh, there's a, there's the exercise class we're going past. You'll get the ambiance. Oh, you get the ambiance of a of a local dance group. There they are. This is one of the beautiful things about Da Nang. So many people moving and grooving every morning. So yeah, for 114 days, I've been thinking about the things I haven't done. Yeah, I haven't cooked a full meal. We have had a basic kitchen for the last two and a half [00:03:00] months, so that's not been too bad.

We use the hot plate every so often, and I never thought that I would say it, but even when you could go out and eat very reasonably priced meals three times a day, I actually miss preparing my own. So for quite some time now, I've been doing, the overnight oats and the just easy things for breakfast.

Here we are at the beach. The light is just

starting to come out. It's so beautiful. I love this beach. I will miss her. I will miss her. I will miss her. Yeah, for 114 days, I haven't... What else came to my mind? Haven't worn makeup. There's no point. In 38 degrees, makeup just comes off your face, right? So what's the point? In 114 days, I haven't worked a full work day.

Oh my God, I've worked so little, it's not funny. Mostly, I'm not gonna say never in 114 days, but mostly I've [00:04:00] slept really beautifully. Like really beautifully. For 114 days I have, I think I've walked 1,500 kilometers according to my watch since we came, which is not that much really when you even it all out, but taking up Zumba and back to the gym doing weights.

It's amazing when you change your environment how a lot of the other things that

you wanted to open up. Look at this beautiful beach. Look, ta-da, people out in the water already. Something else you would never do in Australia, you would never ever swim at dawn and dusk because that is peak bitey, shark bitey season. But here you do it all the time. So I'm just gonna perch while I chat to you.

For 114 days, we have been [00:05:00] reminded how beautiful this world is and not just the, yes, the scenery and all the different places that we've never gone, all of those things, but the beauty for me has come from all the people that you cross paths with Like just in the last few weeks we've met a Kiwi couple and then the lady at Zumba and, yeah, they're such cool people.

And then we met a friend of a friend for breakfast, and then we met other people from another group we're in, and you just... I don't know, once you start talking to other people about how they do life and how they choose... this is a lot of people ask us here, "Oh, are you retired?" And I'm like, "Far out.

One, do I look that old?" But also, it's so funny because I've never vibed with the word retirement. It's never interested me. [00:06:00] When I think about retirement, there is a sense of oh, you get the reward now for all the hard work you've done, right? And I have always felt like I want to fashion my future so that I'm not all or nothing, right?

I can't see a time when I won't necessarily want to be contributing or have the satisfaction of doing something in the world. But I'm very surrendered to the concept of that changing and shifting over time, and it has many times in my life already, so that's not new news.

So that feels interesting when people say, "Are you retired? Are you semi-retired?" We've met lots and lots of other people that are, trading and doing digital work or, Trading. Sorry, traveling and doing digital work, or traveling and trading. But just different ways of looking at the world, different ways of schooling kids or not [00:07:00] schooling.

Different ways of looking at things and I have absolutely loved being immersed in the culture here. I don't know if you can see, there's a gentleman just there doing his Qigong exercises. There's this whole vibe

. yeah, , we've been away four and a bit months, so 114 days. I'm not missing Australia at all. I'm looking forward to going home. I really miss my kids, and I really miss my animals, . And I don't actively miss being in Australia at all.

At all. And that's interesting to notice after only four months because when we went on this adventure, it was going to be a year. And now that we are on this adventure, both of us have said at different stages "Oh, this could definitely be- longer term or maybe it's three or four or [00:08:00] six months a year that you're out of Australia and then half the time back in or whatever.

So now we're looking at all the different options and angles available for us. I will definitely say that I finished this stint in Vietnam feeling a lot more relaxed A lot more healthy, a lot more connected and grounded to life. I've shared also before that I am unmedicated ADHD at the moment, went cold turkey as soon as we got on the plane, and I thought that was going to be an absolute shit show.

I was, not that I thought, I was worried that it potentially could be an absolute shit show. But in

the end, being unmedicated has showed me that there is a lot of things lifestyle-wise that can positively [00:09:00] impact most of the ADHD end of things for me without

I don't, I wanna be really careful what I say 'cause I'm not dissing medication, and in fact, as soon as I get back to Australia, if I have any, I don't even know if I do have any medication there, I may well use it for the time that I'm in Australia. But there is no point trying to bring any sort of stimulant medication back into Asia 'cause they just see it as, as h- harmful as an amphetamine or cocaine or something like...

But anyway, so different places, different rules, and that's all good. But I tell you what, I did not realize how much movement my body really needed or my nervous system really needed to feel calm. And I didn't realize

how desiccated I was feeling in terms of adventure and joy and [00:10:00] seeing new places and spaces

It's a funny thing. I th- I think there's a danger at this age to start thinking, "Oh, yeah, of course I'm more tired," or, "Of course I'm not sleeping as well," or, "Of course I'm aching," or whatever because that's just what happens when you get older. And I'm just like is it?" Is it totally or is it that we get complacent or lose touch with how good it feels to be in a vital feeling body?

And now, the absence of like I haven't driven a car for 114 days. That's one on the list. I haven't driven any sort of vehicle for 114 days. Vietnam is on the opposite side of the road to Australia too. So even if I did have a car that I could use, I probably wouldn't. And that traffic is completely mind boggling [00:11:00] bonkers.

It's so funny in Australia, we live in this little country town, everything is within walking distance, easily within walking distance. What do I

do? Get in my car every single time. And so again, the environment breeding, behavior, shifting identity. And what a

beautiful thing to be reminded of the fact that, your body is there to be moved. I will say, though, on the flip side, talking, just thinking about ADHD. There has definitely been times when I've had very strong emotional weather to the point where, you know, without knowing that I was ADHD, if it had continued on, you would start potentially using the word depression.

So that's the flip side of I have definitely found that the emotional weather still tricky at times. And the thing that I've noticed about that is because we have made [00:12:00] space for ourselves and changed our lifestyle, and drastically decreased our living costs, that I just have the space to go I'm just gonna let myself be in those times.

I'm gonna be more focused on..." That's one of those periods I was like you need to go back to weights." This is you know that weights is one of those things that gives you that real grounding and the power, and has always made your mental health better. So just go and do that. And so that's when I got back into weights.

Then I found Zumba, which has just been... Oh, my God. Zumba, what a hidden blessing. I've never done a Zumba class before. I know I must be the only person on the planet that's never done Zumba these days. I used to do lots and lots of aerobics back in the day. Back in the day when we used to wear G-string leotards.

Back in the '80s. And yeah, I've just enjoyed... 'Cause the Vietnamese ladies particularly, they love to dance, and they're so fun. Their energy is so fun, and so [00:13:00] light, and so joyful. And they come in their little matching Zumba outfits.

Their little purple rah-rah skirts, and their, jazzed up top and whatever. And it's like it's a real occasion, and it's all about community. That's the other thing I've loved about Vietnam. It's just so much about everything's done together. There's lots and lots of groups of ladies right in front of me in the ocean.

I don't know if you can see the ocean. In the middle. You can't really see who's out there, but lots and lots of groups of ladies that do things together. Lots and lots of groups of men who do things together. And then what I was gonna say before is there's this whole thing of you come to the beach and the whole vibe is you dig each other into the sand literally right down into the sand. Like, when you used to with... When you were a kid and only your head's sticking out? And I've been seeing this for [00:14:00] months now. We've been here almost three months. And I'm like, "Okay, what is this about?"

Anyway, I looked it up. It's apparently the heat of the sand is meant to have anti-inflammatory properties. So the ladies, it tends to be older maybe my age and up, like 50 and onwards ladies that come down here. Mostly ladies, sometimes men, and they dig themselves in, and then they make a little pillow in the sand, little pillow in the sand.

And they relax, and they just lay there for half an hour. And I'm like, "I don't know what this is about," but apparently it is a meditative/wellbeing kind of routine. And then the other thing that people do is they'll sit on the shoreline and grab handfuls of sand and exfoliate with it. So up and down.

And yeah, it's wild. It's just, it's so beautiful to learn all the different little things. . When we were talking about, where to next, we've got things that we need to sort out at home, so we don't exactly know what that's gonna look like. But we're thinking that we'll head off [00:15:00] to Thailand and Cambodia, and maybe even Laos.

I don't know. I don't know too much about Laos. I'm gonna start doing some research. , The Australian government has their Smartraveller site that has got all of the different warnings about, don't go here and don't go there. And they always have warnings about Cambodia along the Thai border 'cause there is a huge amount of conflict.

And I was talking to someone who owns an Airbnb just outside Siem Reap the other day, who's a friend of a friend. It's so funny. My contacts list has become like... this is an example. It's Sam, who's a friend of Claire, who's a friend of Marg's, who's a friend of Shane's. It's four degrees of separation.

Anyway, she was saying to me that Cambodian tourism is really down. And part of it is because of all these big warnings, but Siem Reap, that whole region is very safe according to her. I've never been there, so don't take my word for it. But just, just so that if you're looking at Southeast Asia, don't take Cambodia off your list.

Yeah. And [00:16:00] we'll maybe go to Malaysia as well. Not really sure. But yes, I have to say that

I'm so grateful to past Kylie who was crying in her kitchen, having an almost panic attack. I'm so grateful that I am now of an age where I have leaned into fear enough times to know

that on the other side of fear is always more freedom. Always. And as long as you can do it gently and, with self-compassion, et cetera there's lots to be learned on the other side as well. So yeah, I'm grateful for myself for saying yes to what I truly desire. And as it often is when you're leaning into fear, the other thing that I notice

is that there is this delicious meeting of parts of yourself that you didn't know [00:17:00] existed, because they're only unveiled when you really choose to trust yourself, no matter how strong the fear is I'm excited for the future. I'm very sad to be leaving Vietnam. I feel like ... we're like, "Oh, we have to go and say goodbye to little Sunny and her banh mi store," and there's so many things that you wanna do for another time. I'm bummed about the ... I was hoping to be able to show you the sun come up, but it's very gray out there. Look. It's very gray. Anyway,

I'm gonna go for a swim. Ah, the other thing that I really noticed that has shifted for me as well in general terms in the last 114 days, I am so much more connected to nature again. So much more connected to nature and so much more connected to my own nature.

Like this is, it's 5:36 in the morning. That's just a normal amount of people for the beach [00:18:00] in Da Nang. If you've never been to Vietnam, you have got to come. It is a beautiful place. Next time we come back, we're definitely gonna be going to see a lot more of the north and the south.

We've spent all of our time in the central area of Vietnam. The people are beautiful, food's delicious. The climate, it's been really warm, but it's amazing how you get used to that as well, and you just learn to live around it as you do in your own climate, right? All right, I'm off for a swim. Gonna enjoy floating The ocean here is, very flat all the way out, and then you just get these breakers right at the end.

And that means that you can just lull around. I just like to float on my back saying, "Thank you, life. Thank you, life. Thank you, life." So thank you, life, from me. Here's to the next 114 days adventure and beyond. And yeah, I guess the PS of this episode [00:19:00] is made a really conscious decision when we left Bali, which I think is the last time I recorded, that I was not...

I was going to release myself from any, "I should be doing this," and, "I should be doing that," and one of those things is weekly podcasts and weekly newsletters and whatever because I find myself with an aversion to social media, and particularly social media to post just to add to the noise. And I'm like, I'm going through such a recalibration and identity shifting that a lot of what I'm experiencing I can't put into words.

I'm certainly not going to be like one of those people that tells you this big, long personal story and then says comment identity for my free blahdy blah," 'cause I know we're all over that, or at least I am. And, Yeah. I haven't just felt called to share much at all. Been living life [00:20:00] instead of documenting life so that people know that I'm living life.

Yeah, the joy of social media. All right, my friend, I'll see you next time