Picture this: You're living in bustling Brooklyn, where bars dot the streets and nights blend into days. This was Justin's reality, a continuous cycle of drinking and living the fast-paced city life. In this enlightening conversation, Justin, a fellow alcohol recovery coach, and Meg share our personal journeys to sobriety. From navigating the social norms of drinking in cosmopolitan cities like Brooklyn and Amsterdam to finally finding the strength to refuse a drink, our experiences serve as a testament to the transformative power of breaking free from alcohol.
Breaking patterns is tough, but what if the reward was freedom? Join us as we journey through our struggles and victories over alcohol. Listen to Justin's story of turning constant bar visits into moments of clarity. We emphasise the importance of a supportive community and vulnerability in overcoming alcohol addiction. The road to sobriety is often long and winding, but we're here to remind you that it's a journey worth embarking on.
Wrapping up our heartfelt discussion, we explore the bliss and liberation found in sobriety. From being present in the everyday moments to finding joy in activities that don't involve drinking, we highlight the delight in a life free from alcohol. We hope our stories will inspire you to break patterns in your own life and consider the power of choice. So, are you ready to join us in discovering the beauty of breaking free?
Justin's website:
https://www.alternativedirectioncoaching.com/
MEG & BELLA
Megan Webb: https://glassfulfilled.com.au
Instagram: @glassfulfilled
Bookclub: https://www.alcoholfreedom.com.au/unwinedbookclub
Isabella Ferguson: https://isabellaferguson.com.au
Instagram: @alcoholandstresswithisabella
Instagram: @kidsandalcohol
Picture this: You're living in bustling Brooklyn, where bars dot the streets and nights blend into days. This was Justin's reality, a continuous cycle of drinking and living the fast-paced city life. In this enlightening conversation, Justin, a fellow alcohol recovery coach, and Meg share our personal journeys to sobriety. From navigating the social norms of drinking in cosmopolitan cities like Brooklyn and Amsterdam to finally finding the strength to refuse a drink, our experiences serve as a testament to the transformative power of breaking free from alcohol.
Breaking patterns is tough, but what if the reward was freedom? Join us as we journey through our struggles and victories over alcohol. Listen to Justin's story of turning constant bar visits into moments of clarity. We emphasise the importance of a supportive community and vulnerability in overcoming alcohol addiction. The road to sobriety is often long and winding, but we're here to remind you that it's a journey worth embarking on.
Wrapping up our heartfelt discussion, we explore the bliss and liberation found in sobriety. From being present in the everyday moments to finding joy in activities that don't involve drinking, we highlight the delight in a life free from alcohol. We hope our stories will inspire you to break patterns in your own life and consider the power of choice. So, are you ready to join us in discovering the beauty of breaking free?
Justin's website:
https://www.alternativedirectioncoaching.com/
MEG & BELLA
Megan Webb: https://glassfulfilled.com.au
Instagram: @glassfulfilled
Bookclub: https://www.alcoholfreedom.com.au/unwinedbookclub
Isabella Ferguson: https://isabellaferguson.com.au
Instagram: @alcoholandstresswithisabella
Instagram: @kidsandalcohol
Welcome to Not Drinking Today podcast. Today I have with me my friend, justin, who studied through this naked mind with me and is now an alcohol recovery coach, and he's a social worker who helps people break the intergenerational patterns of drinking. Justin, welcome to the podcast. It's so great to have you here today.
Speaker 2:Thank you, I'm so happy to be here. Thanks for having me on.
Speaker 1:Absolute pleasure. So let's get started with Can you tell us a bit about your journey up until now, your story?
Speaker 2:I think I'll start here.
Speaker 2:There was a period of my life where I lived in Brooklyn, new York, and I lived all all these bars in my neighborhood, and I would go out on the weekends and sometimes on the weeknights, and I would drink IPAs outside with friends, and you know, it was like such a thing I would do after work.
Speaker 2:I worked in Brooklyn too, so I would just go out all the time, and that's kind of like the centerpiece of it all, because my life wasn't always like that and I, when I moved to Brooklyn from living in suburbs or Long Island, I went to school out in Long Island and I realized and I was still drinking there, but when I got to Brooklyn, it was like, wow, I can walk to the bar, I can walk to a friend's, I can walk home at night and I can drink all I want. There was zero responsibility put on myself to drive. Now, of course, I have responsibility in life, but that's kind of like where I'm feeling the start of this all. It started way before that, though, but that is something that's highlighted in my brain right now.
Speaker 1:Yeah, right, so yeah, and I, just when you said you could walk and not drive, I mean that is actually, that's a huge bonus. When you drink out, like I totally relate, like I didn't have things that close. I had a RSL up the road that I could walk home from, but it was, it was a bit of a hike. I didn't want to do that, you know. So that would have been too appealing to me. I totally get that. Yeah, so I mean you know, well done that. You've broken out of that because you know that's a lot of your social life, I gather you know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it was a lot of my social life, it was a lot of my free time and it was a lot of my time and energy. I was a lot of time going to bars and sitting there and recently went out to dinner with my partner and they were like we only have a seat at the bar. Do you want to sit at the bar? And I said sure. So I thought I was like wow, it's been so long since I've sat at the bar and I'm watching the bartenders make drinks on the stuff and I never really watched them. I mean, I've seen bartenders make drinks but I was only thinking about when I was going to receive the drink to drink.
Speaker 2:But this time I actually watched the process without having any desire to drink it and it was like it was. So I was so focused on it because it was such a different experience than I was normally used to sitting at a bar. But, yeah, you know, having the opportunity and I say opportunity to just drink as much as I want, because I didn't have to drive anywhere, and you know that was after I had lived in more of not a city but somewhere in Long Island I could walk to a store and buy beer, and that's when the whole thing kind of started. But you know, my drinking started before that and it ended after that, right? So I haven't drank since September 9th of 2020. Well done.
Speaker 1:That's awesome.
Speaker 2:Yeah, thank you. Yeah, I just had three years.
Speaker 1:Brilliant.
Speaker 2:To be here. It's something you know, it's definitely. I think about it and I say, wow, I'm glad I did it, when I did it, and because I'm just like free now.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah.
Speaker 2:Right, but I can drive. I don't live in the city any longer. I live in the in Westchester, north of New York, not too far lower Westchester from all those listeners in the area, and I drive places and all that stuff. But you know I'm no longer bound to drinking.
Speaker 1:That's amazing. Now, I don't want to be rude, but you look young, so you can't be too. Are you in your 30s?
Speaker 2:I'm going to be 38 in December.
Speaker 1:Okay. Well, you know what For giving up alcohol? That is young and you are young.
Speaker 2:anyway, yeah, I was 34.
Speaker 1:Yeah, amazing. I love hearing about younger people stopping drinking because it's becoming more of a thing. But also, you just said you have freedom now. I mean that is so cool for the rest of you know well, not drinking today, not drinking today, but you've got freedom to and clarity. You know, in your 30s, like I don't regret things, but I was 48, you know, when I stopped, so that's a lot of time you've got to fill up with amazing stuff.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but still, you know.
Speaker 1:I think any age is brilliant and I think so too, but I just I admire that you've done that. Thank you, Because also it's such. I know in Australia particularly, it's just such a thing to drink.
Speaker 1:Oh, yeah, so being a sort of one of the first in your circle of friends, or you know for me, I've noticed that in my age group a lot of people just naturally drink a bit less. Who'd have thought. But being younger you must have a lot more people that do drink. Like unless things are changing, I don't know, but I would say you're one of the first. Is that right?
Speaker 2:I'd say that it's as an observer of me in you know, as a friend to me, like it's definitely people are were wondering why why I ever stopped drinking right and I broke you know that broke like a pattern of family, of social interactions within family, friends, within all these things in my life by not drinking and I really tried to just show how meaningless it is, like who cares? What is the difference? Like, okay, I'm not gonna drink with you now, but it's also six o'clock and it's gonna be 10 o'clock and I'm gonna say bye to you and then at 10 o'clock, how many times in the past, at 10 o'clock, was I passed out, hungover, tired, like holding on to the events of the night of drinking, like that wasn't fun. Now I can just forget it ever happened. I mean not to say I want to, but still, right, there's no, it's no. Things have an ending. Now, right, like I'm not holding onto these moments of drinking and all that stuff. I think, most importantly, I'm not thinking about it.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, I'm not thinking about it, so yeah, amazing, it's such a piece and freedom to not think about it, like I totally agree. And you just said that. What's the big deal? And it's totally true. It's like there's so much emphasis put on drinking and it's like why? Why? Like we're still freaking humans and we can still go and socialize and have fun. It's a really backward type thing, isn't it, to think that people and including me when I was a drinker that you have to drink to be able to have fun and it's like, oh, you know, now that we're on the other side, it's like, no, we don't drink to have fun now, which is a big reach for people drinking, but Totally.
Speaker 2:And if you're not drinking well, why not?
Speaker 1:Oh yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, sorry, is it okay if I have a drink in front of you, like the? Question is like it's like I get it. I'm trying to be sensitive to other people of like. Really, what do I have to do with you drinking?
Speaker 3:There's nothing to do with me.
Speaker 2:Like you can drink all you want in front of me. Now I get. I want to be sensitive to people who might have an issue with that, but for me personally because I found to take away all power and alcohol I'm not powerless, I'm powerful and you can drink all you want. I can have alcohol in my house, but I'm not drawn to it. Now, if you were to ask me this four years ago, I would say I'm never gonna stop drinking. Mm, no one was gonna tell me to stop drinking. I wasn't gonna drink as much as I want when I wanted it. In fact.
Speaker 3:That's why I drank because I could.
Speaker 2:So you know to think about it it's more so, my whole feeling story to changed. So you know, I feel almost like I could tell you all the times I got just so drunk and just hangover and hangover. But I can't even really like thinking about that no longer gives me any type of gratification or pleasure or anything like that, like it's. I'm so far removed from all of that and I think just living and waking up in the morning and just being awake at certain times of night, not waking up in the like you know, my cat wakes me up at three o'clock in the morning If I was drinking I wouldn't be able to sleep with him because it would just be the cat and the drinking right.
Speaker 2:So yeah, you know just so much better now.
Speaker 1:Yeah, absolutely. And it's quite amazing that because totally some people, particularly in the early days and I was the same wouldn't be around other drinkers because that might be triggering and that. But the work we've done, part through this naked mind and things like that brings us to the point where we're not. I don't know anyone that's done this work that has a problem being around drinkers now. Now the problem will be that you just get bored or you get frustrated with the repetition, but it's not a trigger. So for us, I'm like you. It's like I had a 50th birthday recently with work.
Speaker 1:People Doesn't even occur to me who's drinking or who's not. I actually had someone really sweet by me too soft drinks like lemon, lime and bitters, isn't it? Yeah, and I'm like I don't need to. It was, but he almost felt uncomfortable that I wasn't. And it's like no, totally, I don't mind.
Speaker 1:And in the back of my head, subconsciously, I'm thinking I am so damn glad I'm not drinking. I have no issue with anyone else drinking, but I won't be waking up feeling like crap. I won't be doing something really regretful unless, well, I did sing in front of people. Bit of regret around that, but no, you know, there's so many, so many positives and I had a fantastic night. So we are so lucky to be at this point, but we also did the work and we can help other people with that too. So anyone listening that isn't there. We are an example of where you can be through what we've done and that's what our coaching's for.
Speaker 1:But, thinking about it, in our coaching course and everyone we've met, there's no one that really has an issue, because we've all got to the point where alcohol is so minimal in our life. It doesn't. We don't think about it, it just doesn't. It's liquid in a cup and for me, I'm very happy to have even my water. If there's a toast, I'm often going oh quick, get me a drink, get me some water in a cup. I prefer talk and eat. To be totally honest, yeah, which is amazing. And you know the other thing when we say work for me, it was, I loved it. It's the rollercoaster, but I don't know, work might be the wrong word, because it was so enjoyable.
Speaker 2:So I think you know, hearing you say that I think now I'll I could tell you more about what changed for me and how it went from being this person who would never take the drink out of my hand to never think I'd stop drinking to me just talking about how free I feel from alcohol. So what happened was is that I met my current partner, who does not drink. He showed me this whole new world of life in New York City without not drinking and I pushed back. And then I, a couple of months later, a year or so later, I was still drinking. I was. I did this development workshop. They said you can drink for 10 days while you're here. Well, I said, yeah, right, it was in California. I had to flow from New York to California. I had to drink at the airport, I had to drink when I got to the hotel and I said there's no way I'm not gonna drink, they're not gonna do. I entered this 10 day program. I ended up not drinking and it's a personal development program and in this program I've learned about my. I thought more about my drinking and I started to think about my father who dragged, who eventually died, correlated to his drinking. So, long story short, I California feeling the best I've ever felt. I mean not having a drink for 10 days. I'd never done before since I started drinking.
Speaker 2:I re-entered my life back in New York, right back to drinking. I, at this time, I had just moved to Amsterdam from New York with my partner. It was a huge change in my life, leaving my family, friends, job, dog, everything to go live in a city across from, very far from my family. I mean not super far, but far enough. And then I, I just decided. I thought to myself. I was like you know, what am I doing? Like I'm constantly doing something that I don't want to do. I'm drinking and then I'm taking these cheers, anti-drunk hangover remedies right after I drink and I'm like, what am I doing?
Speaker 2:But I'd still go out have a beer, have a beer here there, anything like that. And I just really at one point found myself in this in this cycle, right, I came back to New York and I'm just like it's dark, it's the winter, I'm drinking, I'm not working, I'm drinking, I'm not working. It's just like this constant day to day. And I just read this naked mind. It just kind of came to me in a search and audible and it just made me you know, I'm not endorsing, I mean, I'm so proud of this naked mind and this is not an so much as an endorsement for them but how much I connected with it that control alcohol, find freedom was exactly what I found and from that I just realized that I didn't have to drink and of course it took me some time. It just it didn't happen. Oh, I'm never drinking again and that's not what happened. But what happened was is that I learned to disconnect from my father's drinking and all of my excuses I had from my own drinking. That was well, you'll never be like him. You know, you'll never be like him. You're not you're not a quote alcoholic or bad or heavy drinker, because he was and you always said you wouldn't be him. But then I realized is that, well, I'm actually turning into him and with that understanding you know, 10 years, it was his death of 10 years.
Speaker 2:At the time I really had to stop and say this is not who I am, I am not this person. But it was difficult because it was autumn in Amsterdam and everyone was drinking outside and all these things were happening, and so I just had to fight that. You know what everyone else was doing and eventually, over time, I just kind of got to the place where I don't. I turned down a drink. You know it was. It was a lot of work, as you say. It took a lot of work. It took a lot of work, it took a lot of patience, it took a lot of uncomfortable feelings and all these things to face it, because I was no longer facing myself, I was facing everybody else, because I had to explain. Everybody wanted a reason.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And it was like, okay, what reason should I tell you without you like making a judgment? Like you tell me what you're going to say to what you tell me first and then I'll follow with your response. Like how about you tell me how you feel about me not drinking and then I'll tell you why I'm not drinking? That way we could afford the whole uncomfortability that I'm experiencing. And if I ever did that to somebody while I was drinking, I apologize for that, Because that's not right, Because I felt now it's not right or wrong Actually it is what it is but at this moment it feels like you know what. I was too worried about my own drinking and that's why I was so worried thinking about yours, Absolutely.
Speaker 1:And we don't know what we don't know. But it's so true that more often than not, if someone does have a lot of questions or we can see they're concerned about I'm losing my drinking friend. It's so much more often related to their and their own thoughts around their drinking. And definitely that would have been me. But I have to say I was one of the first to look at my drinking, but then most people I know didn't have an issue. You know what I mean.
Speaker 1:So if someone had stopped drinking out of my friendship group, I'm not sure I would have. I think I would have been why, what? Yeah, you know, and a mixture of I wish I could, but I don't want to let that show. So I'm going to be a bit defensive, you know. So it's very common and I think also I was thinking, with your age you probably got a lot more questions around that, Because me, as a mother heading, you know, I was heading to 50. It's so much easier to just go. I'm getting older, I don't want to do this forever, I don't want to be sick and blah, blah, blah. And people are like yeah, of course, it kind of was more expected. So I can say that it would have. You would have had a lot more around that.
Speaker 2:That was difficult because I'm already a pretty private, sensitive person. So, add on to this, it was like, wow, now we're going to start talking about my drinking, like no one ever was like clearly wasted that night, like no one ever asked me about my drinking. Then Now, all of a sudden, you want to know about my drinking, like can you give us that? Now I have to like talk about something. I'm no longer doing, that I've kind of to rest and now I have to talk about it.
Speaker 2:So that was really difficult because all of a sudden, I'm like I'm already over explained myself, but I do that when I want to, or am I on a chord Now when someone is asking me about something? So it became kind of hard and it became like again. It was like well, what do you want? What do you want to hear? What would you like me to tell you that will make you not think differently about me, not think differently by yourself, or what it is. What is the answer that you've already formulated that I'm going to tell you, because this is not about me, it's not about why I stopped drinking.
Speaker 3:The question is more like why are you?
Speaker 2:still drinking. You know, like a person who doesn't drink never asks me why don't you drink? Because it's not, it's not a concern. So it was really hard and I didn't. I didn't really think about it till now, because all of a sudden I'm like having to talk about something I never talked about with people. I never talked to anybody about my drinking. I never talked about my mother. All I did was drink with her, never talked to about this person's efforts. Now, all of a sudden, I'm having a conversation with my mom about why I stopped drinking, like my stepfather is asking me about it, like huh, like, since when do you ask me how I'm asking the way I'm asking the way I'm asking the way I'm asking the way you ask me anything? I mean if he's listening.
Speaker 1:You know it's different, but so you know, what I'm saying so it is really hard. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, totally.
Speaker 1:And I think you know for me. I think back and there are family members or whatever that were like you know why, and it's like, oh well, I don't want to have to admit to anything either, like I don't want to know. I don't want you to feel sorry for me, I don't want you to think I wasn't coping, and so it's hard when we're not. We don't know how to answer either you know, yeah and like.
Speaker 2:would you like me to say that I just like hit right bottom? Or something Like I know, Like something that happened or it's tricky.
Speaker 1:It's a really tricky thing and it depends on who you're talking to. But, funnily enough, when Bella and I started this podcast a year ago, before we did our first one, we're like, okay, I'm not going to talk about this, I'm not going to say this either, I'm not going to say I had a problem. And then I just said everything because I was worried about particularly what my family would think. But not judgmentally, I didn't want them to think I didn't know. I, this is terrible, you know.
Speaker 1:But then, after you know speaking out and so many people feeling helping them, so much, you know, it became a no brainer. But also, through the course we've done, you know I don't have blame and shame, I'm not an alcoholic, I wasn't it's. I decided to stop something that was going to get worse, because it's an addictive substance and I want quality life, you know. So it's. People also sometimes don't understand you don't have to be at rock bottom to do this, and I certainly had some things that could be classed as a rock bottom, but it's yeah, it doesn't have to be that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean. Listen, I drank alone because I didn't want anyone to know, so I'm not gonna tell you that I drank alone. You asked me why I stopped drinking, or if I drank alone.
Speaker 1:There's a reason why.
Speaker 2:I drank alone because you didn't want you to know. And I think, in this community and being able to say it to you, even if you know, on this podcast and anyone can hear like there's still so much more comfort and connection in knowing that there's a whole other avenue to look at drinking and it's not just this alcoholic again sensitive to the word but there's so many other ways we can define a relationship to alcohol and the reasons I would stop. So, finding this community and meeting you and, you know, still having this connection enough with you to do today, to do this, it's like this makes it easier. This is the work, this like I love going on podcasts, because this is the work too, because I'm learning how to be vulnerable, I'm learning how to talk about myself and I'm learning to say, yeah, I drank alone because I didn't want anyone to know and I didn't think of that till really now.
Speaker 2:But that's the truth and I'm not gonna go around telling everybody that because, I didn't want you to know then and I don't want you to know now, but at the time alcohol was a serve, something for me.
Speaker 1:So definitely, and I had. I can remember one friend going. I had no idea you drank that much. I'm like, of course you didn't. I was at home. That's why you didn't know, because I didn't want you to know. And being at home I could drink as fast as I wanted, as much as I did. That was the whole point. But I mean, my friends didn't know I was a binge drinker. There was no doubt, because I'd get really drunk and do stupid things like take the pizza bike from the pizza shop. I didn't want to go full off it. You know, they knew that. But yeah, it was. I didn't know you drank so much every night. No, no, I didn't ring until you.
Speaker 2:It was best I didn't talk to anyone at that point.
Speaker 2:Exactly that is the, I think. I think that is another experience of being with yourself. After, like, how do you, if you're a person like me and you who did that, like what happened, what happened next? Like how, how did I? How did I learn to spend a day over the past? How did I learn to expend three years of days of not drinking by myself? Like, how did I do that? And it's like I did it. I'm not really sure how, but I did do it and I continue to do it, and I'm doing it today, in this moment, with you, right now, and it is 645, this time would be prime time drinking. You know, this would be the time. In fact, I'd say, you know, I just can't meet at six o'clock, and why? Because I'm gonna be drunk at six o'clock.
Speaker 2:I have to remind myself. Like you know, yesterday I had this suit. I've had this super stressful day. We were supposed to move on Saturday. Turns out we're not. But the way that I deal with stress is not. It's not the healthiest way. You know the way I think and the way I get anxious on stuff, but at least I'm not drinking. So, yeah, if I can go through that and allowing this negative mind and allow other people in it, this journey with me to help me and to be vulnerable again, is like something I never would have thought of five years ago, when I was yeah, you know Drinking at a bar at six o'clock.
Speaker 1:It is interesting to look back and go how did I do it? Which also then makes me think good on you, you know we did it. Yeah, there are moments that we reflect. You know I will, I reflect and you've, you know, what you're saying Shows me that you do too on you know how far we've come and I do a bit of a pat on the back because I, Even yesterday, I was thinking how did I do day one like and I'm like well, I did it. I don't know how.
Speaker 2:I just didn't think about it. Like I didn't think about it, I was like I had my last drink and it was a cup of wine this big it was a bottle. That wasn't the last drink, it was the next day. The last drink was these two beers that I thought they would just cure everything. I was like, if I'm gonna have this beer, I'm gonna look at it. Nothing happened. I just got a hangover and I decided to. I was using these counters all the time and I said, you know, just don't think about it, just don't drink. I had this app. It said stay sober, don't drink. I internalized the message and it was in my brain Stay sober, don't drink.
Speaker 2:Okay, I could do that and I think it was, 10 days had passed and then I started counting and I was like, wow, I can, they've made it to 10 days. And Then that's when it just was like, well, I can't go back now. I cannot allow myself To go back. I cannot Allow myself to feel the way I would feel if I actually had a drink. I could not do that to myself, yeah, would do that to myself. I could not do that to myself and I say this now, but I couldn't imagine anything that would do that, because I would get nothing out of it. Nothing. I never, never, nothing, ever taught me that drinking actually helped me in life.
Speaker 1:I carried around something that was like your internal message. I laminated it and it said day one sucks rocks. I don't know where I found it, but I'm like I pull it out of my wallet and go, oh yeah, I can't, I'm not going back to that. And then I quickly Put in my air pods and listen to quit lit books podcast, because that again was that mental message and it kept me going until I found Another community and another and this naked mind and that's all what kept me going.
Speaker 1:But, yeah, so for anyone listening that's thinking about stopping or it's, it is a process. You know it is hard, but reaching out, plugging into anything that's going to help you mentally go yeah, I'm not drinking today, even like for me. It was a book I think I listened to. I didn't find this naked mind till a bit further in, but I listened to something the joy of being sober, you know, and she, yeah, and Catherine Gray wrote it and she was, I think she read it as well on audible and I just plugged into her and go, here's my friend, she can do it. I'm doing it with that. It was so helpful.
Speaker 2:I used to listen to this list, do a lot of quit lit. I listened to the podcast, listening to the recovery elevator and the recovery happy hour. That was like my favorite podcast.
Speaker 2:It was when I ran. Everything you said it is, it is work and putting in the, putting that in your head and just having support, but just reminding yourself that even if you think, oh yeah, it's going to help me, it's, it's just, that's just your brain telling you to do something predictable Right. And it's predictable right. I knew that if I had two beers it would happen like this. I mean not all the time, but generally. But to step into the unknown with the support of a book or a podcast Is just. It really makes it here. That's why they say connection is the key.
Speaker 2:I mean connection is an important part of all life, not just in starting to drink, you know and connecting with yourself and connecting with that uncomfortable feeling, you know, rather than he's not going anywhere, it's going to stay, it's just going to be a drunk feeling and that comes back. I mean, all feelings do, probably, but still like.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah for sure. And it is uncomfortable and I really love finding that word to describe how it felt when you know I might say get to six o'clock at night or have that craving or whatever. It was uncomfortable, but a lot of it was uncomfortable, but if that's the worst, it got. The worst it got. You know, I was like, well, I can deal with that. And then for other parts, like listening to these awesome books and podcasts, it's like, well, this is work too, but I'm really enjoying it. We're so lucky these days to have so much support. I think I do look back and think I don't know how some people did earlier. You know, really, yeah, because we are connected and we're lucky to have all these connections.
Speaker 2:It's so part of every. It's just so part of everyday life here and there and all around the world.
Speaker 3:So it's not just like.
Speaker 2:An Australia thing, or American thing, or UK thing or this thing, and it is just everywhere. I mean some places, no, of course, but still like in general, yeah, and there's just so much freedom when you find freedom from drinking and I found it and I'm going with it and it is possible I think one of the biggest things, too, is they just learning who you are. And For people who grew up in families or people drink and you always said you wouldn't be like them, and then you find yourself drinking like you know that doesn't have to be you, and I think that's a really important part, because you can. You can break away from it.
Speaker 1:Oh, yes, for sure, and I was just wondering what good fun things are out of doing New York that don't involve drinking now.
Speaker 2:So I, I like to run. I run up in morning, go to the park. Couldn't do that if I didn't, if I drank, because I wouldn't be running in the morning, that's for sure. Unfortunately, I don't live in the city anymore. I live, like, probably about 45 minutes north.
Speaker 2:I live in a suburban area, you know, can drive around places, but just generally I think I like just going out to dinner or walking around the neighborhood, just being like aware and present, and I think that could just say In general, like my life has just become so much more enriched and full because I'm able to really experience things, and it's not like my next drink, or how much do I get drunk, or do I, am I going to get really drunk tonight? I really get. You know, I could keep going on with that thought, but I'll spare that. But it just opens up so much more possibilities because I'm not I, I I can do whatever, right, like there's really no restriction because again it's going to be seven o'clock here soon and I'm not drunk and I can do whatever I want tonight, right, even if that means just watching TV or with my dogs, like it's still something that I can do and be present. And I do miss New York, but you know what can you?
Speaker 1:Yeah, you're not too far away, though not too far.
Speaker 2:Just you know you have to make an effort to do things that.
Speaker 1:To drive there yeah, I visited New York about seven years ago and it was just incredible. I did have three kids in tow, so, considering we were there for a week, we still did a lot. But there's a lot. I would like to come, come back and do Way more. But even recently, my cousin in Sydney came to visit me and we went up. It's called Centre Point Tower. We did some touristy things, you know. So In New York one of my highlights was going up the Rockefeller Center. Yeah, you know, it's really fun to be a tourist in your own city. I've discovered and I've discovered that post drinking, because that never would have occurred to me, but it's really enjoyable to go and have a look around. And there's museums. I know you've got some. You know amazing things like that Art galleries it. Even if that's not up your alley, it's really fun to try it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's not 100%, and you're making me think too, like in the past when I was drinking there, I wasn't going to do. I was in a place to drink.
Speaker 1:Right, oh, yeah, yeah, you had to. There had to be alcohol.
Speaker 2:I'm going to go to the movies, yeah, right.
Speaker 1:Is it movies with drinking? Yeah, like exactly.
Speaker 2:But apparently there's a lot more movie theaters now In my neighborhood there's a lot of movie theaters with bars and stuff.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, it's. Look, it's crazy that I feel like that's society, you know, and I feel for movie theaters, because we can watch so much online now. They have definitely here incorporated you pay extra, you get unlimited champagne, and I think, I think, God you know I got nothing.
Speaker 2:to go back to the movies.
Speaker 1:Oh, yeah, yeah, and it's horrible because it's. It is my escape without having to worry about that, then that's fine. I don't have to book a movie that had that at the same time, but it just takes away the whole experience. Is you're at the movie to do a bit of an escape? You don't. But it is society, because in a way we're changing for the better in a lot of ways. But then things like that, it's like you know, even doing art classes, paint and sip, it's like everything's incorporating, it's like come on.
Speaker 2:I've done that. I've got the painting in another room. Yeah that's like the painting and drinking class. Like you know, I had a lot of friends get married at the same time and we do these things and it'd be like, oh, a cooking class, but get wasted while we cook, or painting wasted while we paint.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, and the experiences doing all those things without drinking, because I have done a paint yoga class and it was amazing. Yoga with painting. It was a whole day, sort of self care day. I did it with a friend. It was really nice. I came home with the painting. I'm not a good artist, but it the difference from when I was drinking and we were all just screaming and laughing and paint, whenever it was a really centered day, but it was a really lovely experience and and I got to enjoy the painting part of it. You know I'm not going to go out and be an artist, but when I was drinking that was the least of what I was doing. I was doing it but I was concentrating on where the drink was coming from you know exactly.
Speaker 2:I was like am I going to drink? Is there going to be enough champagne?
Speaker 1:Exactly, you get, as long as I, my stashes there ready and you keep it coming, I'm all good, but otherwise I'm not doing it. And then on this side of it, like we've said, the freedom for not even thinking about that but being present in something, experiencing something, and with a bunch of people as well. It was so much deeper, obviously, making connections. It's just there's so many things.
Speaker 2:You know, art is like comes from within and like you know, I remember sitting there just like when's the next drink? Was it going to be? Really like I've never, never really done a painting class otherwise, like I wonder what I could produce in that point. But, um, but yeah, you know it's like, I know that it's it's hard and it takes a lot of work and I've worked with people that they've they've, they've accomplished it and they've gone back and they've accomplished it. But you know, it's really it's not one, it's not one for everybody. Everybody has their own way of doing it. Everybody has their own reasons and patterns and outcomes. And it's like I think that's what people need to hold on to, because it, just because it's like this for one, doesn't mean it has to be for you or the other.
Speaker 2:And I think once we allow ourselves to just accept that, this is a personal journey and this is our life and you know we have, we can make decisions and if we allow ourselves to just really see what alcohol is for, what it actually is, who would want to put that in their body? And whatever thing that makes you feel better? Because it really does.
Speaker 1:Exactly. It only ends up making you feel worse. But you absolutely right, everyone is different. There's no point ever comparing, because some people might try stop and start 80 times. Some might try once.
Speaker 2:Yeah, 100%. I know I say some people stop once and they just never drinking it. You know, sometimes it took me months but I had to be active about it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it took me five years from when I consciously made the decision. Subconsciously I knew it was going to have to happen for years before that, so it's definitely not just a one size fits all, and so whenever we talk about our experiences that personal but they will absolutely people will resonate with different parts, and that's how we've got where we are as well.
Speaker 2:Yeah, for sure, and that's why I like helping people, because it's a lot someone to learn that and just to be okay with that. It's, that's the power.
Speaker 1:So, justin, what do you do these days? How do you help other people on this stream?
Speaker 2:So I have a coaching business. It's called alternative direction coaching. That's my website. So the alternative direction coaching calm. I work with people who generally find me on podcast and to connect with the story of similar to me, of just breaking that generational, intergenerational pattern of drinking and finding freedom and just allowing yourself to be you while other people are them. So that's kind of where I'm at and I love, again, connecting and being on the podcast and I'm so glad to be here and thank you for listening and thanks for having me so it's so such a pleasure to have you and I just.
Speaker 1:It never gets old for me talking to someone about their journey and yeah, but I will put your details in the show notes so people can find you. But the time has already flown by like crazy. I could keep talking all day. Thank you for coming on and, and I'm so glad we've met on this journey Good luck with your future. I will be crossing paths with you again very soon, I'm sure.
Speaker 2:Yeah, for sure, definitely will be.
Speaker 3:Thank you, If you don't already know, in addition to our podcasting work, we are each sobriety coaches with our own separate businesses helping people to drink less.
Speaker 1:If you are a loved one, want to take a break from alcohol, we invite you to have a look at our individual websites. Megs is glassfulfilledcomau.
Speaker 3:And Bella's is Isabella Fergusoncomau. So take the next step that feels right for you.