The Not Drinking Alcohol Today Podcast
Meg and Bella discuss the ups and downs of navigating an alcohol free life in Australia's alcohol centric culture. This highly rated podcast, featuring in Australia's top 100 self improvement podcasts, is a must for those that are trying to drink less alcohol but need some motivation, are curious about sober life or who are sober but are looking for some extra reinforcement. The Not Drinking Alcohol Today pod provides an invaluable resource to keep you motivated and on track today and beyond. Meg and Bella's guests include neuroscientists, quit-lit authors, journalists, health experts, alcohol coaches and everyday people who have struggled with alcohol but have triumphed over it. Our aim is to support and inspire you to reach your goals to drink less or none at all! Meg and Bella are This Naked Mind Certified Coaches (plus nutritionists and counsellors respectively) who live in Sydney.
The Not Drinking Alcohol Today Podcast
Navigating Sobriety at 57: Donna's Five-Year Journey
Donna Bennett shares her five-year sobriety journey that began with an "Easter epiphany" during COVID lockdown, revealing how removing alcohol from her life led to profound personal transformation and newfound freedom. We cover so much in this episode, including:
• Recognising how alcohol had "sneakily" increased its influence over the years, particularly during lunchtime socialising
• Experiencing frightening blackouts and memory gaps during drinking sessions
• Using COVID lockdown as an opportunity to attempt sobriety without social pressure
• Discovering that moderate drinkers exist and learning to socialise without alcohol
• Finding connection and support through the Daybreak app after six weeks of solo sobriety
• Reading about alcohol's effects removed shame and the notion that lacking control was a personality flaw
• Experiencing better sleep, weight loss, and improved mental clarity after quitting
• Moving from "filling in time before dying" to finding joy and purpose in simple things
If you're curious about taking a break from alcohol and are looking for inspiration, take a listen to this episode.
MEG
Web: https://www.meganwebb.com.au/
Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/meganwebbcoaching/
Unwined Bookclub: https://www.alcoholfreedom.com.au/unwinedbookclub
ConnectAF group coaching: https://www.elizaparkinson.com/groupcoaching
BELLA
Web: https://isabellaferguson.com.au
Insta: @alcoholcounsellorisabella
Bi-Yearly 6-Week Small Group Challenges: Learn more: https://www.isabellaferguson.com.au/feb-2025-challenge
Free Do I Have A Drinking Problem 3 x Video Series: https://resources.isabellaferguson.com.au/offers/JTFFgjJL/checkout
Free HOW DO I STOP DRINKING SO MUCH Masterclass: https://resources.isabellaferguson.com.au/offers/7fvkb3FF/checkout
Online Alcohol Self-Paced Course: https://resources.isabellaferguson.com.au/offers/fDzcyvWL/checkout...
I'm very excited because on the Not Drinking Alcohol Today podcast we welcome Donna Bennett. Now Donna is celebrating five years sober in April and reached out to the pod because she's been on a few pods, but they're ones located overseas, and Donna felt keen to spread the alcohol-free love or, in her words, pay it forward on an Aussie podcast. A huge welcome, Donna.
Speaker 2:Thank you, bella. It's so lovely to be here and meet you visually as well. Yeah, I've listened to you for quite a while now.
Speaker 1:Oh, I love it and I've just opened up with that concept of paying it forward because it tends to be quite a theme that runs through many people that have gone the mile, gone the distance and have kind of made it to the other side and when they remember how hard it was in those early days, perhaps never thought that they could. So it is, with you know, great gratitude to have somebody on that has that in their hearts to do that. Can I just ask as an opening, why is that important for you to pay it forward?
Speaker 2:Well, I remember when I was contemplating having a break from alcohol, I started doing. I was contemplating having a break from alcohol. I started doing some Googling and I think other unknown people that I'll never, know, helped me and I want to be that for other people, because I think this community is very supportive and encouraging and non-judgmental, and I haven't had that experience with anything else yeah um and I think we all understand that.
Speaker 2:You know we all started with day one and we might all be on different um journeys, but there's a lot that we can take from each other. Yeah, I try to, even on my personal sort ofs. I try and do a little bit there for maybe that one person that's struggling and too scared like I was to reach out to anyone and I have had some people over the years reach out to me and I've kept that confidential and I think talking to someone with a lived experience helps and there's just no judgment.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:We're all just trying to do the best that we can at any point in our lives and I've always had that desire to help other people, like when I look back in all my life and now and so yeah, it gives me great joy. So it's not sort of about hey, I'm awesome, I haven't had a drink in nearly five years. It's more like you know how can I, what I've gone through help you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I will forever remember the people that did the same for me as well. Donna, for those listeners that might be wanting to know a bit more about you. Uh, who are you?
Speaker 2:um, I'm still working that out. That's the great thing about this journey I'm not finished yet in the existential sense of who am I but?
Speaker 1:yeah yeah, give us an in a nutshell who you are and and what role has alcohol played in your life.
Speaker 2:Oh, all right. Well, yeah, my basic stats. My name is Donna and I'm 57. I live in Thirrull, near Wollongong in New South Wales.
Speaker 1:Oh, beautiful.
Speaker 2:It is gorgeous, I love it, Love being by the beach. It is gorgeous, I love it, Love being by the beach. But I grew up in Melbourne so I left Melbourne. I think in my mid-40s my husband got a job in Perth so we were there for a couple of years in Fremantle again really close to the beach. His job led us to New South Wales and somebody told us about this area and we just love it. So we've been here about 12 years. We have an elderly rescue dog called Zach. He's half lab and half corgi.
Speaker 1:So he looks like a lab.
Speaker 2:but he's on little legs. He's 16 and a half Is he there with you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, he's just over there. He's costing us a fortune, but you know we love him to death, um, basically, so we're looking after him and, yeah, 16 and a half, so he's doing well. Um, I have a new job in a new industry. That's been three months so I'm now, uh, an office manager at a local timber joinery. Oh, good on you, donna. I love it. Yeah, 10 minutes from home, three and a half days a week, and I feel like I manifested that job. I was out of work for about five months last year. Yeah, my role was made redundant, so I've worked with lawyers most of my working career.
Speaker 1:Oh, apologies on behalf of all lawyers.
Speaker 2:I'm a recovered one, yeah, yeah yeah, you've got a lot to answer for when they say anything at work.
Speaker 1:No, all lawyers out there, we love you, we love you?
Speaker 2:Yeah, they're unique, let's put it that way. No, I have lots of lawyer friends. I fell into personal injury when I moved to this state and worked at plaintiff law firms and became a paralegal yeah, wow, and I went from basic sort of personal injury, run-of-the-mill stuff to abuse law. So I've probably had eight or nine years of working with adult survivors of childhood institutional sexual abuse.
Speaker 2:So pretty heavy. But again, you know my want to help people and I think I had something to contribute in that area. But, yeah, my role was made redundant in June last year and it sort of gave me a chance to sit back and decide what I really wanted to do, yeah. And so, yeah, I got some counselling and then I just took some time out and so I decided that I wanted to get out of legal, no offence lawyers and get something local to home three to four days a week, and so I really feel like I manifested it because it's a three and a half day role.
Speaker 1:Oh, they are defined close to home.
Speaker 2:They weren't specific, but when I just sort of, I think my honesty is unusual maybe in some places. But this employer, you know, I think I found my right fit, because some employers sort of talk the talk but don't walk the walk, whereas these guys, you know, they're very um, considerate and, yeah, they listen to what fit it into my life oh well, congrats, congratulations.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, so good, I'm not less stressful and I like learning about something else and I'm still contributing, but it's more of a job instead of becoming sort of my identity, oh yeah, yeah, that's an interesting shift, yeah, especially over through COVID and working from home. It was hard to switch off work.
Speaker 1:Donna, do you mind me asking when you got that counselling? Was it career counselling to find out? Where it is you wanted to go and what you suited, because I did the same and I found it wonderful and valuable, did you?
Speaker 2:Well, it was through EAP. My focus was you know where to now?
Speaker 2:You know, I'm late 50s and this is pretty much all I know. I had a former manager say to me who'd stepped away also from that area and she said to me Donna, just because you're good at something doesn't mean you should be doing it, and that you know. And she was sort of encouraging me why don't you try and find something totally different in your area and just have a break? And I really took that on board and I took my time because those jobs are hard to find and when I applied my husband's like Tim you don't know anything about Tim I said well, it's an admin-related job, I'm just having a crack. And again, that's part of this journey You're not afraid to put yourself out there. What's the worst that can happen?
Speaker 1:Having a crack? What's the worst that can happen, having a crack? And the reason why I ask those questions is because I'm quite well fascinated. I hold in high respect, you know women in our 50s who do a life change or a pivot and you keep going and you're always. You know your purpose shifts and I found it fascinating when you said this job is not part of your identity but it's a job that suits you, it suits me, you moulded it to suit you.
Speaker 2:Instead of me trying to fit in with everyone else, I'm sort of looking at what's good for me and I'll always say that, especially to young people going for a job and they're like, oh, I really want to get it and this, and that I said you know you're interviewing them as much as they're interviewing you. You know, is it the right fit for you? Is it what you want? It's not all. You know this people pleasing it's very hard to fall into Well then bridging from that into the topic of alcohol.
Speaker 1:In a sense, do you think being alcohol-free for this length of time enabled you to have that clarity of mind, to really deliberate on what your next move was going to?
Speaker 2:be Definitely Whereas it may not have previously. Oh no, and look immediately. I went into a bit of a panic and I saw a job that had been around for a little while and I got, you know, probably the last interview, and I'm there thinking what am I doing? I don't even want this.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And it wasn't offered to me because, you know, I pretty much said, look, I don't want to travel to Sydney five days a week, I really only want to work four days. You know, I pretty much told him what I wanted, probably knowing in the back of my head that you know it's not great if he wanted that job. But again, that's when I thought, you know what, I just want to sit back and see. And yeah, we weren't. You know, we did have funds that we could rely on if we needed to, my husband and I. But yeah, it just gave me that time to consider what I really wanted and I'd catch up with, say, lawyer friends and they'd be about you know their workload and I'm like I just don't want to go back, I feel like.
Speaker 2:I'm feeling physically ill thinking about going back because the last job I had I had pretty good file numbers as in I could look after my clients. But, I knew that most plaintiff firms are just loaded up and I thought I don't want that. You know, I want to actually contribute in a meaningful way and if I've got too many clients, how can you make those connections with them?
Speaker 1:yeah, it sounded like important work, but heavy work, yeah, uh. So I imagine there's a. There's a story, your story around why you needed to make the choice to take alcohol away from your life. What would you like to share on that front?
Speaker 2:Well, I guess alcohol is sneaky. It sneaks up on us over the years and it comes and goes, I think, depending on what's going on in your life. Yeah, I didn't have children so I didn't you know, I haven't had that mummy wine culture, but I've still been involved in the ladies who do lunch kind of culture, and daytime drinking was really dangerous for me, oh yeah gosh.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it has to be for most people.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean yeah, but I stuck with it. I didn't really have any plans. You know, my husband would say why don't you try and have a water? You know, one wine, one water, one wine, and the water would be sitting there. I'd have a sip and it would be over. It's just wine, wine, more wine.
Speaker 1:And Donna had. He said that because he could notice there was an escalation or there was he could notice Poor Shane.
Speaker 2:He could tell you that's a whole other podcast what it was like to live with me the drinker. You know, even when I was sort of looking at well, taking a break, basically that's all I thought I was doing, I'm still on that break he was like oh, I just wish you would drink less. But people who don't have that, you know, I just don't have any control over it.
Speaker 1:That off switch, the elixir off switch? I don't think it's there.
Speaker 2:So I'm probably you know all or nothing. Well, that's what I thought, and until I started reading about what alcohol actually does to us and the science behind it, I mean, no one ever taught me that. You know. It started to make sense and it took away a lot of the shame and probably what I thought was a personality flaw in myself.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I thought I'm not special. I'm actually not special, after all. You know, there's heaps of me out there.
Speaker 1:It's such a lovely inclusive way of looking at it. In fact, I was talking to somebody in quite a similar way yesterday. You know, we were sort of going down what's wrong with me? And I said, well, actually, what's wrong with this whole bunch of us here? That's part of this movement or mission to take alcohol off the dominating agenda of our lives. You know, the more numbers, more we see the numbers stacked in our favour, the more you say well, you know, we're not the problem, are we?
Speaker 2:Yeah, and especially women of a certain age, I mean alcohol does affect us differently to men. There's no doubt Our bodies are different, for a start, and so you know I was finding it hard to stay asleep. That was a really big thing, yeah. So if you don't get enough sleep, you know I was finding it hard to stay asleep that was a really big thing, yeah.
Speaker 2:So if you don't get enough sleep, you know you don't recover and you don't heal and you're tired. You're just not running on all cylinders, and I guess that's how I felt when I decided to take a break. It was early. Lockdown, so yeah, april 2020. Lockdown, um, so yeah, april, uh, 2020. And so I always thought other people were the reason that I drank a lot. You know, because I I am a social person. I didn't start out like that. I was a very quiet child, um, and when I started out with alcohol, you know, I was very quiet and then I found it made me what I thought was funnier, or the version you thought you needed to be the version that perhaps I thought I should be, and so you know that that became my identity, I guess, and I slowly became the party girl yeah but um again, I don't really need a drink to talk to people either.
Speaker 1:So again it just became probably a habit.
Speaker 2:I guess it comes with everything. Alcohol comes pretty much with everything and it's always there. But yeah, the lunchtime sessions I got into particular problems, you know afterwards because I'd probably kick on and you know sometimes because I'd probably keep going and you know sometimes there'd be blackouts. And so probably a month before I actually took that break in April 2020, I was in Melbourne for two consecutive weekends and a lot of the time when I went back home to Melbourne it was party time and so there was always a lot of alcohol and I'd been out for lunch with some people and then I went out with my cousin and I was staying at her place, and there's hours I can't account for.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And so the blackouts, they didn't happen all the time. That was pretty scary.
Speaker 1:Was it frightening? Yeah, I was going to say how frightening is that? If you're quite I still don't know.
Speaker 2:I still don't know, probably don't want to know, it doesn't matter, but you're always imagining what could have happened when you have no idea. It reminded me of the 90s. Sometimes I'd have blackouts for an hour here, an hour there. Sometimes you'd put a few things together or some helpful person would tell you what an idiot you were. So, yeah, not a great feeling, and especially at 52, you know, when am I going to grow up?
Speaker 1:Yeah, it loses its shine dramatically.
Speaker 2:I just I was at home, I'd had four days off from work, you know, for Easter, because that was Easter.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And I was so looking forward to these four days because I did have a pretty stressful job and I felt more tired at the end of Easter going back to work and I thought, what else can I do? And it was like an epiphany, a light bulb moment. I call it my Easter epiphany. Um, and I thought, oh, maybe I could just stop drinking, oh, for a while. Um, and it was both alien and both quite logical, because I'd never really thought about it before. I'd probably had about three other breaks from alcohol, but not for any sort of long-term reason, and I thought well, I won't be going out because we're all locked in and it's a great opportunity for me, because I thought other people got me onto it. Basically, I mean, you wouldn't have to twist my arm, you wouldn't even have to touch my arm and I'd oh yeah, I'll have a drink. Yeah, sure, any day of the week or whatever. And I didn't drink every day. But I don't think it's how much you drink, but why you're drinking.
Speaker 2:That's right, and I wouldn't have even known back then.
Speaker 1:Yeah, the same. I wouldn't have known. I didn't know why I was doing what I did, not to take over the story, but I just love the connections and the bits that are similar. You know, if ever I could say to women you know, the two drinking styles to take off the agenda would be lunchtime drinking and home alone drinking and then take it from there. But COVID's a funny one.
Speaker 1:COVID was good for those of us who had already decided to stop drinking because, you could really do the work if you wanted to do the work and weren't pulled outside. But for those that were drinkers it obviously went the other way and stats for women of our age group went through the roof.
Speaker 2:I think it was a Monday night and my husband was like why are you drinking? You know this is during the start of COVID.
Speaker 2:And I said, oh well, there was some leftover from the weekend or whatever, but he could see it, yes, and I think I didn't think COVID was going to be a big thing and I thought, oh, you know what I'll probably get. I might not get COVID and die, but I might get liver disease and put on 10 kilos if I keep drinking like this. So let's just have a break. Never intending to quit drinking, and I see on other apps and forums that people are freaking out thinking about forever, and I think the great thing for me was that I never thought that, because yeah.
Speaker 2:I was. I guess I was sober curious without knowing that term um at the time it's a common theme in people that tend to have that longevity.
Speaker 1:Is that mindset of you?
Speaker 2:know how am I feeling today? Pretty good, and then I sort of was on my own with it for about six weeks and then I found the Daybreak app and my world just opened up. So how was that?
Speaker 1:an app that really worked for you, because I've heard such good things.
Speaker 2:So great and I'm on it now and I try to give back on that and if I have a shitty day I'll post something and someone will give me love.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know because, yeah, while I'm not going to pick up a drink, I'm quite confident that I'll never drink again. I just can't see why I would. Yeah, confident that I'll never drink again, I just can't see why I would. I can't think of any event in life that would make me want to pick up a glass of poison again. I mean, that's how I have to look at it. I did a similar thing with cigarettes over 20 years ago. I had to actually hate them. That worked for me. And, let's face it, they're both carcinogenic. That's the truth.
Speaker 1:We had Dr Gina Cleo, a habit change expert, and she similarly said if you can really visualize this substance being a poison, whether it's fuel, you're really telling yourself that's petrol in a bottle.
Speaker 2:That can be a very handy tool for many people, yeah yeah yeah, and I think that's a good one, yeah, and that worked for me, because I think a lot of people go into this thinking I'm going to miss out, I'm going to be boring, they're looking at all that negative stuff. But if you can reframe that and think, well, what opportunities are out there for me now that I don't drink, yeah, yeah. Or that I'm having a break, you don't have to put a timeframe on it. This is your life and you should be the boss of your own life. And I guess I was trying to get back that control.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:But for whatever reason, alcohol ran away with it. And again it was the same with the cigarettes and I think you know that took me a long time. The cigarettes. I'd go back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, and I can see people on the Daybreak app doing the same and I thought I don't need to try that. I'm learning from them.
Speaker 1:It only takes one sip and they're back on it and it would only take one drag of a cigarette, so you must be quite good, donna, tell me if I'm wrong at setting a goal and formulating a bit of a plan based on what other people are doing, what resources are available to you, with a pretty good mindset, to get there.
Speaker 2:I'd probably try and do that now.
Speaker 2:I don't know that my life has been like that. I might have had moments, but you know, a lot of my life I was just I don't know, just aimless and just, oh yeah, I'll go over there now. You know, I didn't really take a lot of control of my life. I just sort of let it go. I kind of felt like I was just filling in time before I died, which is pretty sad really. I mean, in the depths of any kind of sadness in my life. That's how I felt I was just filling in time.
Speaker 1:Feeling in time, and I think that would be a very familiar feeling with lots of women, donna, because we're there to look out for others often.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah. And look, I still am that person, I will you know. People say, gee, you're good with your friends. I said, well, I was always a really good pen friend and so, even though a lot of friends you know you might have to reach out remotely, I still try and I do try and check in with people, but I also recognise that you have to look after yourself first and health became.
Speaker 1:was it the primary reason?
Speaker 2:I think health has become. You know I've lost friends. You know I lost my best friend in May 23 and you know that's 51 years of friendship that we had. You know, my bestie and she got breast cancer. We'd both turned 50 that year and she got breast cancer. And it could have been me, it could have been any of us girls that went to school together and we kind of recognised that.
Speaker 1:Oh God, I'm so sorry yeah.
Speaker 2:So, you know, and there's actually, I think I had a big 50th in Sydney and I had a lot of people and there were probably in the next few years there were probably five people from that party you know that identified, that got cancer and two have passed away. And so, yeah, late 2019 my husband and I lost another friend, the friend.
Speaker 2:That actually is the reason that he and I met and got together so she was a great connector and they said that at the funeral one of the best funerals I've ever been to, and I, you know I mean that sounds weird, but I get it, you know it was very much. It was very Andrea and as it and as as it should have.
Speaker 2:But she got pancreatic cancer and she had it for two years and she didn't get to 50, just didn't quite get there, and I remember researching about that particular cancer, yeah, and so obviously that, I think, planted a seed with me about. You know, we're not immortal, we are all dying. You know, once you're born we're all dying. But it just made me sort of wake up a little bit. So there's a lot of little things that sort of add up too.
Speaker 1:No, matter which way you look at it, and most of us in this modern age who are going through peri or menopause but have wellness, health, good diets, good exercise it's pretty hard to throw alcohol at least in large volumes of it in that mix and think that it's not going to cancel out all of your hard work.
Speaker 2:I know it's kind of. I call it the Big Mac Diet Coke theory you know when people get a Big Mac and oh, I'll get a Diet Coke, sort of kind of want to balance the other out. It's very true I used to work somewhere where one of the owners he liked to get on it and he was always on the liver cleansing tablet.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah.
Speaker 2:And I think he just thought, if he did that, he could drink every day to be okay, clean the liver and then tox it up. And I guess, whatever narrative you tell yourself, that's how you live. But I thought I had a pretty healthy lifestyle, apart from the drinking. So I do all this good stuff and I felt like, oh, I'm moving two, three steps forward and then I'd have a drink. Well, I wouldn't just have a drink, let's face it. I think it's the equivalent of what they say a binge. I thought a binge was going out for lunch and kicking on all night. I thought to me.
Speaker 2:That was my definition of a binge, not four drinks in a session. That's right. To me that's like that's pretty normal drinking.
Speaker 1:Yeah. That's a really good point to emphasize here for listeners. Yeah, that health World Health Organization guideline says no more than 10 standard in a week, which has to be quite high, but and no more than four in anyone sitting in. And if you're above that you're binging.
Speaker 2:Very dangerous. I only found all this information out after I quit, and so, yeah, I wouldn't have wanted to know that when I was drinking. You know, it's just part of the process.
Speaker 1:I often think that too. You know, when I ask that question, what would you tell the younger version of yourself or the person going through that no-transcript? What would have changed the trajectory? Because I ended up in quite a dire situation and I just don't know Neither do I Would it have landed? I think there was just too much stress in my life at that point that I needed that solved rather than the alcohol.
Speaker 2:Different era. You know I started drinking in the 80s. People were smoking in public and smoking at our desks at work and drinks every Friday night. You know I got my drinking career started at work as a 17-year-old.
Speaker 1:Yeah, wow.
Speaker 2:You know, on a Friday night I only needed one or two and then someone had to walk me to the train station because I was plastered. But that was all part of the thing. You work hard, you play hard.
Speaker 1:Yeah, there's that phrase that defines the 80s.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and then that can carry on the 90s was a bit more self-destructive.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's right, donna, because I've got I'm lucky enough to have a guest in this program who's got that lovely nearly five years under her belt. Can you talk to us about what the difference has been for you in that first three months versus more than a year, versus four years?
Speaker 2:Yeah Well, the first three months, I mean.
Speaker 1:Well, you and COVID yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it was COVID and Sydney, so not for Melbourneites. Yeah, I'm Sydney-side Most of my friends are Melbourne and so we'd see it see them all whinging about it on social media.
Speaker 1:It was horrible. I hate Stan Andrews.
Speaker 2:Like he created COVID. But anyway, it's another story, and so we were pretty lucky. So when you know, when some of the limitations were lifting about, you could go out for a couple of hours or be with a couple other people. It was great for me because it was a great little practice to get out there, but I was never going to stay out all night because you're not allowed to.
Speaker 1:So it was.
Speaker 2:I couldn't have wished for a better kind of situation. I guess and I mean not that I wish you know COVID happened Of course not, but I guess it's like anything making the best out of a bad situation. Yeah, yeah, and so it was perfect for me because, you know, I started going out for two hours and then I'd come home and drive and I didn't have to pay as much as everyone else. Then I started catching on. Oh, this group of people, they don't actually really drink that much yes, that's a light bulb moment that's crazy.
Speaker 2:I remember coming out with these girls I used to work with, and there was probably six of them. They ordered two bottles of wine and then that was it.
Speaker 1:They sat on it.
Speaker 2:Well, if I was drinking, I'd have to have a third on my own and I'd probably want another glass, and then I'd probably come home and see what was here.
Speaker 1:Me too.
Speaker 2:Because it was hard for me to stop. Yeah, and I didn't know it was sort of that anxiety already kicking in. Didn't even know that term back then. But yeah, I was anxious and I had to keep feeding the beast.
Speaker 1:Feeding the beast? Wow, that's exactly what it's like. Well, what was it like when COVID had lifted and then you're back with your circle of friends and wine's again on the table. How did that?
Speaker 2:transition work. I mean, I was determined and I didn't ever.
Speaker 1:I actually didn't want to have a drink, that's amazing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I couldn't say it was going to be forever. And some people would say do you think you'll drink again? And I said, well, I'm actually feeling so much better within myself I can't work out why I would want to. Yeah, much better within myself. I can't work out why I would want to, yeah. Um, and again, you know my apprenticeship with this. You know the cigarettes. That was quite destructive for many years, yeah, but it did. You know it has. It has helped me realize that you've just got to push through, because I did do the early stages with the ciggies, over and over and over there's that confidence, you could do it like the equivalent of hormonal issues times 300%.
Speaker 2:Like it would turn me into a crazy person and I just didn't want to go back to that.
Speaker 1:Donna, you mentioned that you had found a reflection that you had written one year sober.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Would you mind sharing that?
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, sure, yeah. So I found this because I do journal. Now you know it's taken a while, but I've always had an interest in writing as well. So and yeah, so I have got a lot of stuff here and there and yeah, so I have got a lot of stuff here and there. So, yeah, I found this titled One Year Sober Reflections of a Significant Milestone.
Speaker 2:I haven't lost any friendships, I'm not boring, I'm funnier than I thought I was, I can drive anytime, I don't eat as much junk food, I'm six kilos lighter and my tummy apron disappeared at week six. I get hangry if I don't eat on time. My senses feel heightened, but they're no longer numbed. I actually know lots of moderate drinkers. Most people don't care that I don't drink. I have increased my nonfiction reading. I never want to stop learning.
Speaker 2:I've spent 365 days experiencing every feeling I've had. I have found the comfortable inside the uncomfortable. The bad, sad, anxious times do pass. I am healthier, slimmer, fitter and fresher looking. I'm empowered. I've inspired and helped others. I'm more confident. At times I've enjoyed saying whatever the hell I've wanted to inebriated people. I found that a bit fun because they don't remember. I now know when to leave a party or social event. I like who I am becoming. I'm trying to clean up and improve other aspects of my life. I'm calmer within. I've wasted less money. I have no purchasing guilt At this point. I was looking forward to my new job, which I've moved on a couple of times, and COVID-19 gave me the opportunity to try to save myself.
Speaker 1:Wow wow, I get all the feels listening to that. Uh, donna, how does that feel for you?
Speaker 2:yeah, it's um. You know, they're all really simple things. This is what I love about it. I, I I'm living a much more simple life, but I, I like it. I don't. I don't want the big highs or the big lows.
Speaker 2:You know, and and some might look at that and think, well, that's a bit. That sounds a bit boring, but I think I'm just finding the joy in the simple stuff. And I think a little while ago there was that nurse was on a lot of podcasts about the things that people regret when they're on their deathbed. Oh, I'm being perfect. That was a great episode yeah, I actually haven't listened to it, but I have heard it spoken about before and it's never.
Speaker 2:Oh, you know, I'm glad I went on that holiday, or, you know, I mean you have great memories or you know that outfit that you just had to buy, but it's really just the simple stuff, the people and the beings that you're going to miss.
Speaker 1:Simple doesn't mean that it's any less richer. In fact, it's more enriched with your presence.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think so too. So I have a lot of gratitude and I don't mind being in my own company. I always thought I was an extrovert, but I am an introvert, maybe an extroverted introvert. I do like being with people, but I have to step away too. I get overstimulated by some people and you know I'm much better. You know small groups and one-to-one now.
Speaker 1:Me too, yeah, me too.
Speaker 2:So lots of learnings about myself and that you know I didn't feel good about myself and now I do. You know I'm not perfect, but I'm proud of how I present in the world and there are things that I've done since getting sober that I don't know, that I would have done had I still been drinking. Like what and who knows, I could be dead had I not stopped. Who knows?
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So last year I and it's something that I've thought about before I kind of you know, like I said, I like to help people. I now I'm an intern still, but I'm with Lifeline and so I'm on the phones, and so I started that training in early September last year.
Speaker 1:Donna, I too did that training five years ago. Oh wow, and what a journey, what an experience. Yeah, what a life changer. Yeah, that's an amazing contribution.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I'm only sort of. I think I've had eight or nine solos, uh, on the phone, so I'm still oh, it's big stuff, it is big stuff, um, but also, you know, it sort of does help you let go of that responsibility. It's not for me to fix other people, oh you're right, but I'm there to, you know, for somebody to talk to and perhaps help empower themselves, because you know, you know, I never thought about it that way.
Speaker 1:It's, honestly, the most brilliant training for a person learning to sit with the discomfort of others and not having to control the situation and let it go, but just to be a constant support.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it is tough because you think you know everyone wants to fix you know, and I'll have an issue and I'll talk to my husband. It's just a natural go-to. They just want to fix your pain or get rid of it, but sometimes you just need to be heard hurt yeah um, and a lot of people don't have that in their lives no only people out there.
Speaker 2:They don't have what I have. I have a great um network of people, um, and I I'm okay to sort of put up my hand and say I could do with some counseling. Or you know, after my friend um, or before she died actually, and I could see that you know she wasn't going well, a few people said to me oh, you don't have any counselling, do you? And I went okay, I've had three people say that to me. Now I'm going to have some. Yeah, and that really helped me beyond her passing, because I grew up not able to talk about or show my feelings. You know, it's just the way I was brought up. I guess I was a self-soother, so it's no surprise that I was playing a part in my life.
Speaker 1:I was a self-soother too, with chocolate and sugar first.
Speaker 2:Yeah well, my thumb was my first, was my first addiction and you know that hand to mouth movement, yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, that's true. And then got the ciggies indeed yeah, um, yeah, didn't think about that actually. So, um, it all makes sense, but it is like you know. I'm learning to forgive my younger self for all the stupid things that I did as well.
Speaker 2:But you know, I lost my mum when I was 21 and again, you don't talk about your feelings, so hello you know and then I had the marriage that you know I was too immature for and that broke down and then I just it was party time and I thought that gave me freedom. I really thought alcohol gave me freedom, but it's actually. That's what I've got now without it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah. There's something about our culture which really just requires us to rush and move to the next phase, the next thing, the next thing, the next thing, that we're so distracted that there's never a chance to pause. And it sounds like COVID and alcohol off the agenda allowed that a little bit and it certainly did for me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and a fog lifts and you can see things clearer and it is like getting some of those brain cells back.
Speaker 1:I guess the time has to be right, doesn't it? It has to be right it does it does.
Speaker 2:And you couldn't have told me any of this. And look this version of myself five years ago. I probably wouldn't have been friends with myself, you know, and I've had. You know, because most of my friends are still in Melbourne. It's kind of hard to know whether you know. If I lived there I'd be getting invited to certain things. But there came a point here where I thought, if I'm not being invited, that's okay, because if you don't want me there, I don't want to be there either. You know, and it's sort of that bit of confidence to say that's okay, I've got other friends.
Speaker 1:It's great confidence. Oh that emotional muscle building.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I've made new friends that are sober or sober curious, and some of them go back and forward and they struggle, but our relationship isn't dependent on whether they drink or not. I mean, I don't want to be around pissy people, but that's part of my freedom of going okay.
Speaker 1:I can choose.
Speaker 2:I've had a great time. See you all next time I go home for my cup of tea and cuddle my dog and have a good night's sleep, because you know, sleep used to evade me for so long as well.
Speaker 1:Donna, I just have such great admiration. I've loved sitting here, hearing just the way that you've approached, giving up your reflections on it. I guess is there anything else you'd like to end on and, I guess, separate to that. You know, what would you say to somebody out there that's in your position five years ago, six years ago?
Speaker 2:Yeah, look, I think some people think it's like cutting off their right arm. It's character building, it's challenging. You know, us humans, we don't want to be uncomfortable. We try, and, you know, let's take a pill for this or that, or you know, instead of sitting back and saying I don't actually want to drink, but what is it? There's something going on. What am I feeling? What else can I do to alleviate that? You know, I think a lot of people, I have this theory that we're basically scared of ourselves. Yes, because that's how I felt about me. How can I be scared of myself? It sounds so ridiculous now, but I think I was. We don't want to go inside because it's scary, but it is just us.
Speaker 1:I used to think I needed a few drinks to be around a group of people, and I was reflecting on this because I almost had this fear about, um, how I would look, sound, behave, just as myself that I would in some way push people away.
Speaker 2:so I had to kind of zhuzh myself up with a bit of yeah, else A bit of pizzazz you know be that person and now I kind of love doing that without a crutch because to me that is the height of empowerment. And I'm not saying I'm rude and stuff, but I think I'm still funny. I'm a lot sharper because of drinking. You know, I've repeated myself a lot and I'm sure I wasn't as funny as the drunk me thought she was. But yeah, just a lot more comfortable with myself and yeah, I'd recommend it. I'm not a big fan of the 30-day alcohol-free. I think 90 is a bare minimum because you've got to put yourself through some challenges.
Speaker 2:You can't just lock yourself away in a room for 30 days and, you know, get on it on the first of the next month. It's not a true reflection of how I like 90 days.
Speaker 1:And alcohol free. Yeah, a hundred days. A hundred days A year.
Speaker 2:Yeah, well, the thing is, you can always move the goalposts, can't you? You can say okay. I'll do that, but I think just sit with it and be honest with yourself and say how do I feel Once you get past the actual um, you know the cravings and things that don't last forever, and I think that's what people think that it's going to be like, like the first week or the first few weeks for 90 days or a year.
Speaker 1:There's no way, it's just not, is that?
Speaker 2:It's not and it can't be. It gets better.
Speaker 1:Which is why your one year sober reflection was just so beautiful, because it sounded like there's a bit of shock. I'm not bored, I'm still funny. Yeah yeah, yeah, I just love that. Being funny for me. I love being funny, so it's very important for me to still be funny without alcohol. Yeah, look, I just have loved this conversation, loved so many takeaways and I know there will be for many women out there. Donna Bennett, thank you so much for being on this podcast.
Speaker 2:Thank you, Bella. It was a pleasure talking to you. I'm a big fan.
Speaker 1:Love it.
