The Not Drinking Alcohol Today Podcast
Meg and Bella discuss the ups and downs of navigating an alcohol free life in Australia's alcohol centric culture. This highly rated podcast, featuring in Australia's top 100 self improvement podcasts, is a must for those that are trying to drink less alcohol but need some motivation, are curious about sober life or who are sober but are looking for some extra reinforcement. The Not Drinking Alcohol Today pod provides an invaluable resource to keep you motivated and on track today and beyond. Meg and Bella's guests include neuroscientists, quit-lit authors, journalists, health experts, alcohol coaches and everyday people who have struggled with alcohol but have triumphed over it. Our aim is to support and inspire you to reach your goals to drink less or none at all! Meg and Bella are This Naked Mind Certified Coaches (plus nutritionists and counsellors respectively) who live in Sydney.
The Not Drinking Alcohol Today Podcast
Laughs Without Lager: Finding Authentic Connection in Sobriety
What happens when four decades of heavy drinking suddenly stops? Ali Burke returns to share her remarkable transformation from a self-described "party pisshead parent" to a woman fully embracing authentic connection and present parenting.
Ali's drinking story began in her early teens, looking for courage, attention, and a way to fit in. As the youngest of seven children, alcohol became her tool for becoming "the funny one." This evolved into a forty-year relationship with alcohol that saw her drinking moonshine vodka by the litre, losing her driver's license three times, and prioritizing drinking over driving her teenage daughter home safely.
The turning point came after a deep hypnosis session and one final regretful wedding experience. What Ali calls her "spontaneous sobriety" has now lasted nearly four years, completely transforming every aspect of her life. Most significantly, she's rebuilt her relationship with her daughter, who once had to parent her drinking mother but now has a present, reliable parent she can count on.
Our conversation takes a joyful turn as we reflect on how we met at a sober retreat in Phuket, where we discovered the authentic connections possible without alcohol. The genuine laughter, dancing, and friendship we found proved that sobriety doesn't mean the end of fun – it marks the beginning of more meaningful experiences and "sore tummy muscles from laughing so much."
Ali shares exciting news about our upcoming podcast venture "Laughs Without Lager," where we'll continue sharing honest stories to help others seeking freedom from alcohol. Her journey demonstrates that even after decades of drinking, transformation is possible, and the rewards of clarity and authentic connection far outweigh anything alcohol seemingly offered.
Whether you're sober curious, taking a break, or committed to alcohol-free living, this conversation offers both hope and practical insights from someone who's walked the challenging but ultimately liberating path to freedom.
Ali Burke:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/idontdrinkfullstop/
Podcast: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2470602
MEG
Web: https://www.meganwebb.com.au/
Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/meganwebbcoaching/
Unwined Bookclub: https://www.alcoholfreedom.com.au/unwinedbookclub
ConnectAF group coaching: https://www.elizaparkinson.com/groupcoaching
BELLA
Web: https://isabellaferguson.com.au
Insta: @alcoholcounsellorisabella
Bi-Yearly 6-Week Small Group Challenges: Learn more: https://www.isabellaferguson.com.au/feb-2025-challenge
Free Do I Have A Drinking Problem 3 x Video Series: https://resources.isabellaferguson.com.au/offers/JTFFgjJL/checkout
Free HOW DO I STOP DRINKING SO MUCH Masterclass: https://resources.isabellaferguson.com.au/offers/7fvkb3FF/checkout
Online Alcohol Self-Paced Course: https://resources.isabellaferguson.com.au/offers/fDzcyvWL/checkout...
Hey everyone and welcome to Not Drinking Today podcast. I have got a very special guest today and a very special friend, ali Burke, who I've had on before. Well, actually, bella interviewed Ali the first time and this time I'm interviewing Ali. Ali and I ended up on a retreat just over a year ago in Phuket together and we've become friends, so I thought it'd be great to have her on and hear what she's been up to. Hey, ali Magsie.
Speaker 2:How are you Fabulous? Cold but fabulous.
Speaker 1:Cold but fabulous. And it is getting colder in Australia, but I'm surprised you're over in WA. It's freezing there.
Speaker 2:It is. I'm in the southwest, so when I spoke to Bella, I had moved to Karratha, which is in the northwest, in the Pilbara district, and it's the extreme it's hot, oh my God. I got off the aeroplane in December 2022, literally got off the tarmac, and it was 47 degrees with a blazing wind, and I went. What the actual?
Speaker 1:what am I doing here? Yeah, that's too hot.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's extreme. So, yeah, now I've gone to. I mean, look, today's just cloudy and just yeah, no wind and I don't know 15 degrees, which is pretty cold considering it's midday yes, yes, it's chilly, chilly, chilly.
Speaker 1:Well, it's so good to have you here and I thought we could start like just a very brief recap on your story because people can go back and listen. Uh, just um, yeah, what what your drinking career was like how much time have you got, jesus?
Speaker 2:uh, yeah, well, it went for nearly 40 years. So I, sort of over the course of doing the different podcasts for people and being interviewed, I kind of worked out that my first addiction was actually cigarettes, not alcohol, which is kind of like you kind of because we're always on, I guess, talking about sobriety podcasts you naturally just think, oh yeah, well, I started drinking at, say, 14. But realistically, I started smoking first, which was that same type of fitting in, I guess. So the first thing was you, you know, I guess cigarettes were easily um obtainable at school in the toilets, um, that was, although I never, I was too scared to smoke with the nuns, um, but yeah, certainly after school, and my parents both my parents smoked, um, and dad was more of a drinker than mum. So that's basically where it started, uh. So then, yeah, when I was maybe 15, 14, 15, um, dad had a tavern, bought a pub, so me and his partner's daughter, who I went to school with, she um basically taught me to roll cigarettes, um, and then we started drinking, like making up, you know, cocktails and stuff, because it was Christmas, maybe, or, you know, school holidays. So unfortunately, I just kept pursuing that addictions. So then you know, you get better at smoking and you don't get so many head spins and stuff. So that was my first secret, behind mum and dad's back, nicking their fags. And then the drinking my older brother, matt sorry Matt, but yeah he was, you know, we had access back in the 80s I'm 55 this month so we were free range mate. Our parents divorced so, yeah, we were pretty much come back in the night and here's your dinner, or, if so, yeah, um, then I started drinking.
Speaker 2:And when I started drinking it was for fitting in, to make me funnier, to be able to talk to boys and courage. Um, I was, yeah, I'm the youngest of seven, so I didn't have much. Um, you know, I had to sort of I didn't have much. You know, I had to sort of be the funny one or be the fidgety one to get any attention. So of course, when drinking came along, I thought, well, I'll be the funny one, get the attention. I wasn't in anybody's view of. You know, she's a Ali B's, an attractive, voluptuous woman, teenage girl. I was far from that, I was literally a skinny little rake. So I sort of got the credit with the boys as in to be more of a friend.
Speaker 2:And then, you know, play pool, play cards, drive trucks, work in the mines, work in landscaping. So I did all the ladette stuff all through my career of alcohol and I could literally drink. You know, on a thirsty Thursday would be half a carton without even blinking, mate, no problem, get up in the morning, go to work and then Friday afternoon, well, it would be a carton. But we'd always end up at the pub. I lost my licence three times. Still wasn't enough for me to go. Oh, maybe I shouldn't drink. I didn't have any role models. We were all taught, you know, never trust anyone that doesn't drink. So we just didn't have that.
Speaker 2:And also masking and numbing, you know childhood pain and discomfort, abandonment, wounds. So yeah, I continued drinking right through. I met, you know, married, a husband that was a massive drinker. So then we found friends that drank heavily. Everything, like everything, revolved around alcohol. We ended up making a still. So I was drinking at the height of my addiction. I was on a litre of vodka, which was moonshine. I would take a litre to a party, plus a bottle of champers just in case that wasn't enough, like fucking hell. And then I'd smoke marijuana on top.
Speaker 2:That seemed to keep me awake Wow.
Speaker 1:Wow. So what happened that you decided to stop?
Speaker 2:Well, I guess I really tried hard throughout the years, it just never had the you know, get to a certain week or a couple of weeks and then I'd hit the button of like, oh, I can't do it, or everyone else was drinking, so I just felt like it was me and I couldn't control it. So the husband and I separated and we're now divorced, but back in 2019, you know, it was just awful. He was really depressed and I was depressed, but not actually, I was just masking it better than him, I guess. So, yeah, we finally had an honest conversation and we separated, but within weeks it was really awful and it just went the worst way you could think. So I just kept drinking because that was my tool. And then I thought, well, fuck it, I'm going to go to the nightclubs and the pubs and the clubs, so I'm like free. So I did that and had fun in my eyes, but towards the end of that I was drinking in my shed more often than not. And then COVID what a great thing and a horrible thing COVID was. So that just gave me a license to even just stay at home more and drink more. And then I got lonelier and just felt more. The hangovers plus perimenopause was just not a great mix. So just got tired of feeling sick and tired and just kept meeting unavailable men and chasing people and parties and being the instigator, and just you know all for what.
Speaker 2:My daughter was 13 and I started dropping the ball with her. She was actually nicking my alcohol, like I used to do with my parents, and you know it was off drinking. So I yeah, just I don't know. I rang a friend and I said you know how do I stop the loop, which is now what I hear a lot of people? And I get it, this freaking loop. You know how do I stop the loop, which is now what I hear a lot of people, and I get it, this freaking loop. You know, you go really well and you feel amazing and then the sun's shining or you've done some heavy lifting, oh, I'm going to reward myself with a drink. So I was in that total loop and then I rang a girlfriend and my friend from school is a counsellor, but she's now a deep hypnosis therapist and I thought, okay, let's give it a go. So I went and saw her in 2021, in June. But yeah, I went and saw her and we just got into my subconscious of you know, like just unlocking that. Why do you want to drink, or how do you get the tools not to drink, and I don't know it may get freaking worked.
Speaker 2:Well, actually I did drink after that because I had a work colleague's wedding, but I left her place and I didn't drink, you know, and I didn't feel like it and I was like wicked. And then I had this wedding and I found myself like literally drunk Within moments of arriving. There's the champagne and it's like oh fuck. So I took it and I drank and then I found someone that had marijuana, so I had a few cones and then promiscuous alley came out. And then I did that.
Speaker 2:And then I woke up in the morning and it was out of town, so I had to drive home. And that feeling is, I guess, what made me stop from then on, because that feeling of driving hoping not to get picked up, the shame, the regret, because the actions that I took the night before so I got home safely, without getting pulled over I mean, I wasn't, like you know, still drunk or anything I must say, but enough to to make me worry. And then I did a video of myself and said, miss Allie, you'll never feel like this again. You know, just stop, this is shit. So you know something along those lines and really just thought right, that's it. And I honestly have never had a drink since.
Speaker 1:Wow, did you watch that video again? Did you use it as a tool like that?
Speaker 2:No, it just, it was like spontaneous sobriety, mate. After that video or after that day, I just you know that feeling, just that feeling that I've had from every other time that I got done for DD, or my husband and I had a fight or you know some freaking drama that happened. You always get that feeling right and oh, I'll never do it again. Oh, I don't want to drink, and you know. But that, just on top of the hypnosis, something clicked and then the work begins. Love, I mean, it's not like, oh yeah, it's like. I've never drunk before. Yeah, I certainly took some time to actually then work out. Oh well, why was I drinking like that? Because other people don't drink or never used to drink like me.
Speaker 2:Well, actually, most of my friends were like that, to be honest yeah because, that's you know, we all drink fine, like my birds of a feather yeah and all um. So when the marriage broke down, actually a lot of some of the girls um and I, we parted ways because every, everyone sort of seemed to be on his side and it was a what is it? What they say? Rejection is redirection, and I really dodged a bullet, because I think they're still in their active drinking and I'm just not. So, that's how I did it.
Speaker 1:Amazing, yes. And so nearly four years. Woo-hoo, congratulations. Yes, that's how I did it Amazing, yes, amazing. And so nearly four years, woo-hoo, congratulations, yes, that's so cool. And so we ended up on a retreat together. How did you end up on that retreat?
Speaker 2:Well, when you actually take your beer goggles off and you get out of your pity party and you kind of you don't have those friends anymore that were never really your friends to start with, you kind of actually doors close but other doors open. So I, yeah, just by chance, a friend from the school that my daughter goes to, she put me on to this lady called Kim Rae Smith, who actually lived down the road from me she's called Sober Party People and said give her a call or whatever. So that was it. I met her. So we were doing yoga and ice baths. So, yeah, great lady, sober, you know getting out into Perth and meeting like-minded ladies. So met her and then formed a friendship and then little did I know that you knew her. Yeah, because obviously you live in Sydney and Kim and I live in Perth. So that's how we met.
Speaker 2:And then Kim runs retreats and for the first time I thought I actually heard her on another lady's podcast and I went like halfway through the podcast that Kim was talking about her retreat. I was like right, pause rang Kim. I said book me on it, dada, put me on it. And she's like you sure. I said yeah, this is this is, you know. So that was probably what three years that I was sober, but, um, it was the most amazing and so I met you because we shared a room. Yes, we did, and yes, it's never looked back since, never looked back and there was all those women like we had the most amazing holiday. I've never had a sober holiday until that moment. Yeah, right.
Speaker 2:And although it was a health retreat, it was. You know, it was that. But I'd never met or I'd never gone away on holiday without getting placode.
Speaker 1:Yeah right, and isn't it amazing how none of us had met yet. We were so comfortable with each other. We got to know each other so quickly, like you don't have that with people you've known forever it was and it was so fulfilling, like we, and it was so full.
Speaker 1:We just did so much and and relaxed and had fun and laughed and um, yeah, it's the first time I've been away done anything like that with like like-minded people, but it was. It showed me that it's the most fun I've had in a long time and no alcohol, you know no alcohol needed to to laugh.
Speaker 2:and you know we were flirting, we were being funny and you know, sober dancing, sober air guitaring, sober, everything. But it wasn't even an issue. It wasn't like, oh my God, none of us, we didn't even think about it. And that's what happens. When you know, you really just think. You know, fuck you alcohol.
Speaker 2:I'm sorry to the audience, I do have a bit of a potty mouth but, honestly, like once you actually unpack it and learn what the triggers are, or why we drank, or why I drank, mate, there's no, nothing would ever make me drink again. And I can drink, we can go to the bottle shop right now. No one's stopping me. But I just choose to wake up and feel fabulous every day and meet like-minded people and try and give my daughter now, who's 20, she's got a present still funny, still weird, mum, but I'm there. I'm there for her, yeah, and I can drive her. I used to put her in fevers because I was pissed. Oh no, I can't come and get you.
Speaker 2:This is my Friday night. How dare you ring me? You know this 14-year-old and some bloody male Uber driver who's like she'd get out and she'd go. Oh, mum, he was just staring at me the whole time. I'm like gosh, isn't that horrible. There's just the shit that you know a lot of us people, mothers and fathers, you know, just put our kids on the back burner and you know that reward or that we just I don't know, gave alcohol too much in the marriage and too much in my parenting. So now you know she's yep, she's got a present, clear mum and she can rely on her. Yay, yay, yay.
Speaker 1:Yay, and it's true. Like when we drink, like I was, like I'm not acting within my values and morals, like yeah, yeah it's just horrible, it's um a horrible thing. So I am so happy that you've done this and I'm the same, you know, there for my kids and present and clear and um and we can drive.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I can drive her now.
Speaker 2:I taught how to drive yes, I know you know, I, I prior to that, I mean, actually it used to be funny, it was kind of ironic because we I now don't drink and so she got her license and we all used to sit around all the mums and dads be like, oh I can't wait till you know, we can drive, you kids can drive to yourselves to netball or us to the pub, like that was the main thing, like the kids can drive us adults so we can get placode, um, but and then you know they're, you know fast forward two or three years or whatever. It's well, actually I don't need you to parent me. That was the other thing. That alcohol, you know I've seen with my ex he's, you know, my daughter's parenting him. But it's kind of what kids do when their parents are party people, which we were. Anyway, we can drive, I've taught her to drive, but now I don't need her to drive me around because I'm a pisshead.
Speaker 1:I missed all that because I stopped before they got their Ls, but I absolutely have been in the conversations. More heard than oh, I can't wait for my kid to get their peas so they can pick me up. You know from the pub that it's just like oh my God, it's. You know that's. It's just how society is showing kids, that it's normal.
Speaker 2:I mean her 18th was funny because I always because I was a party pisshead parent that my her 18th. I thought, oh, because I always thought, and we used to talk about it when we'd go camping and shit oh, you know, let's have a party and, you know, pop the bubbles and, you know, get pissed with your daughter. I mean that was kind of like a rite of passage. Right, your 18, your 18th, let's all you know, buy your beer at the pub. Yeah, I'm going to be honest, a part of me wanted to do that, because that's the sort of person that I was, was, but, um, you know, I wanted to go to the nightclub with her, but she doesn't want a 50 year old mum hanging off her at the nightclub.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:You know, mum, it's my 18th. It's like go away. And I was actually present and sober and went. Yeah, fair enough, but I just wanted to sober dance. But I get it, it's your night and you know, but if I was drinking I would have gone. I literally wouldn't have ignored her yeah, ignored her and went f you. I'm coming. Yeah, you know, you just don't listen, do you? No, it makes you act like someone that you're just not.
Speaker 1:Yeah Well, my daughter's 18. My eldest daughter didn't have a party, but my second one I was not drinking, I'd given up drinking, and she had a Barbie party and they all dressed up as Barbies and Kens and that and then it was about to start. It was at my house and I was hosting it by myself, but I was going to go downstairs and she goes you didn't dress up. Well, I didn't think she wanted me to, so I ran downstairs, found a balloon, stuck it up my dress and I went as pregnant Barbie, because I'm tall and blonde, so I'm like, well, yeah. And then I turned up, everyone took photos of me, they sang happy birthday and we cut the cake and it was really I was still.
Speaker 1:I couldn't. You know, I'm not a shy wallflower Barbie. Yeah, I had to be, you know, look at me. And it was really nice though, because it was probably only 20 minutes. I felt that I was a part of it, the kids loved it and I wasn't drinking yeah, and then you can step away and you're not that mum who's trying to you know hang out with your kids' bloody friends and be the cool mum.
Speaker 2:You can still be a cool mum.
Speaker 1:Because it's not cool when you're the drunk mum thinking you're cool, not cool, not cool. You are the embarrassing drunk mum. Yeah, yeah, exactly but anyone that's drunk will understand that you think you're cool oh, totally and later you go shit and you can dance like a mofo.
Speaker 2:you're all kids. And then you start, you know, talking shit and telling them all the secrets that you probably shouldn't be telling your 18 year old-old daughter Yikes, you know. Oh yeah, your mum used to, you know. Fill in the blank, I won't repeat it, but yes, there's some things you just don't say. But you know, when you're drinking you overshare.
Speaker 1:Yeah, definitely, you know. It's very nice to have clarity now and know what we're going to say.
Speaker 2:Exactly.
Speaker 2:Much better, no awkwardness. So when I think I was on the show I was in, I just got to Karratha. So since then I've moved and I now live in the opposite direction, in the southwest, working and just still just working on myself. And also some big news that, oh, what's your big news? Well, now, a podcast host, which, which has been on your bucket list, that has been on my that's the top of it. I met you and I, yeah, was expressed. You know I'd love to do. I just want to find someone who can co-host with me. And now, megsie and I, megali, we've got Laughs Without Lager.
Speaker 1:That's it. So I'm joining you and we're doing Laughs Without Lager. So all the listeners of Not Drinking Today, please check it out.
Speaker 2:Yeah, check it out.
Speaker 1:We're just starting out and it's just going to be raw and pretty honest, like this one. Well, fully honest. Um, yeah, we're just here to help people on the same journey who are curious or taking a break or whatever it is. You can plug in and hear our, our true stories and resonate with bits of it or all of it yep, yep, and have a laugh along the way.
Speaker 1:Definitely. We're all about having a laugh, and a sober laugh at that. They're the best type. Do you know what's the best thing ever is waking up with sore tummy muscles because you've laughed so much.
Speaker 2:Yep, I love that, yes, yep, and actually having conversations on the phone, because I live in the bush, so a lot of my relationships are on the phone. Because I live in the bush, so my um, you know, a lot of my relationships are on the phone. And you know, before I used to sit on there and drink. Well, I'd sort of have certain people that I would be like I'll ring such and such tonight because it's Thursday and you know I'd do it that way, I'd be drunk, and then in the morning you wake up rough as guts and you're just thinking I don't remember like the last two hours of a four-hour conversation, and it's just like I just now can wake up, like have my little friends that I talk to because I'm living in isolation on a property. But then it's just like yeah, random, like, oh, I'm going to ring such and such today for no rhyme or reason, you know.
Speaker 2:And it's you know my relationships with everyone, including my mum and family members, and friendships. Everything's better.
Speaker 1:Yeah, better meaningful connection it's just not in that anger.
Speaker 2:I was just a bitch. I was getting angrier and more resentful and more victim because you know, life's hard and I've been through some challenges, but it's what we do with those things, right.
Speaker 1:Yep 100%.
Speaker 2:So you know, I'm so grateful that we can do it together because we're quite similar in our journeys. I hate that word, but it is a journey. It is a journey, that's so corny, but yeah, it is a journey. It is a journey, that's so corny.
Speaker 1:But yeah, it is a journey, man, and it can be a bloody lonely one, yeah, but um, not anymore, not with not the new world of podcasts and zooms and technology, and so we are here to make your journey not lonely, so I'll put info in the show notes, but thank you so much for coming on and I'm so excited for our future together. Thanks, alex. Thanks so much for being here.
