Protecting Your Money and Assets While Dating

Dating should be exciting, hopeful, and filled with the possibility of building a meaningful connection. But in today’s world, it’s also important to protect your financial well-being while getting to know someone new. In this episode of Improving Your Thoughts by Freeing Yourself, Alaila Carroll discusses the importance of protecting your money, assets, and financial independence while dating.
Sometimes emotional connections can move faster than wisdom. When that happens, people may unintentionally share too much financial access too soon—bank information, investments, business details, or even co-signing financial responsibilities for someone they barely know. This episode helps listeners understand why financial boundaries are just as important as emotional ones.
Alaila breaks down practical ways to safeguard your finances while dating, including recognizing financial red flags, avoiding manipulation around money, and maintaining independence until trust is truly earned. She also explains how healthy relationships respect financial boundaries rather than pressure someone to break them.
If you want to build a relationship based on trust, respect, and security, protecting your financial foundation is essential. This episode will empower you to date wisely while keeping your peace, stability, and financial future protected.

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Transcript

pisode Setup: Protect Money While Dating

SPEAKER_00 1:17

Okay, everyone, so episode five. This is where we are right now protecting your money and assets while dating. This is a big deal. We have no idea how damaging it could be when you're dating someone and you're spending your money on this person. Over time, money adds up, and it can add up to a point to where it can drain you. And if you don't do it properly, you will be broke. Just let you know, you would be taken for, and you could be taken. Assets also matter as well as well, such as property, your cars, your home, land, even some of your clothing items, like your watches, your jewelry. This is a big deal, and too many times we fall victim to stuff like this because of the name of being in love. You can love someone without allowing this person to hijack everything about you when it comes to your finances, but you don't need to be stingy either. So you have to figure out when is a good time to introduce money into the equation and when is it not a good time? How do you introduce money into the equation for your relationship? And should you? So that's what I'm going to be talking about with you guys in this episode. So I'm gonna take my time, I'm gonna slow it down because I really believe the more you hear when it comes to this, the better off you will be, and you won't be confused about your money. Because a lot of people, men and women, we all do it at some point in life. We feel like, hey, we want someone who ain't broke. Who wants a broke person? Don't want no broke, broke person. I know you for those of you who are in my generation and before me, you know this song that says, Ain't nothing going on but the rent. You gotta have a J-O-B if you wanna be with me. Okay, although that is a true statement, you gotta also realize, do I really wanna be with you anyway? That's the reason why we're dating properly before you start giving out your money. So, welcome back to improving your thoughts by freeing yourself. I'm your host, Alayla Carroll, and today we're talking about something that many people avoid disgusting. I can't get it out, but I'm gonna get it out. Disgusting when they are dating, protecting your money and assets. Now, I know this topic can be uncomfortable. Many people believe that love and money shouldn't mix in conversations early on, but the truth is financials and finances are one of the biggest reasons relationships fail. And unfortunately, money can also be a tool for minus for manipulation when you're dating the wrong person. In today's world, it's not uncommon for people to meet someone who seems charming, attractive, attentive, and interesting. But later you find out the reality is that they was never interested in you in the first place, they was more interested in your resources, not your heart. Today's episode is about learning how to detect and also protect yourself financially while still being open to love. If you haven't already, go back and listen to episode one, two, three, and four because this episode is gonna help you to be able to do what you need to do to protect yourself. Those episodes are gonna help you with this particular episode here when it comes down to your finances. Because if you can detect people who are lying, if you can see the red flags right away, you will learn how to make sure that you protect your money. That's the reason why you hate that's the reason why you need to date slow. Alright, by the end of this episode, you will understand why financial and financial boundaries are important when dating. The early financial red flags to watch out for, how to protect your money without appearing cold or distrustful. Why is appropriate? Well, actually, when will it be appropriate to talk about finances? Why settling is dangerous, and how to avoid becoming someone's financial safety net before trust is built. Let's begin. So, what is the reason why most people give out money in the first place? Is it because you really want to help the person or because you want to feel like you can support? But you gotta realize that really doesn't matter in the beginning of the relationship. What is the beginning? Most people don't even know when the beginning even starts. Personally, I say the beginning of a relationship starts the minute when you decide you are going to be exclusive. I am going to be with you and you are going to be with me. That needs to be a verbal conversation, not an assumption conversation. Well, I assume we were together because we always together. That's not how it works. You must ask each other the question: are you seeing me only? Am I seeing you only? Are we exclusive? Are we together in a relationship where you're not involved with other people? That's when the beginning starts. And the minute that they say yes, I only want to be with you, and you tell them yes, I only want to be with you, that is when the beginning starts. Right there. Y'all could have been seeing each other for three years talking, but you never explain to each other that we are exclusive, then the relationship haven't started. That is not your relationship. Y'all was just actually getting to know each other and mingling and enjoying each other's company. That's what it was, and that's what it is. The minute that you say the words to each other, we are together. Now you got other ways of doing it. You got some people who will introduce you to family members, friends, and co-workers, and other people as their girlfriend. Have you agreed to be that person's girlfriend? Or are they just making you their girlfriend? You have to get this stuff understood. Because what if you wasn't ready and they already introduced you as their girlfriend? And you're like, um, I wasn't ready to be your girlfriend yet. We're just seeing each other. You gotta make it known, make it plain. Please explain to them. Right now, I'm not your girlfriend. I know you introduce me to your friends or your family as your girlfriend. I really wish you would not have done that. It would have been better for us to have the conversation first, because that's not where I'm at. Yes, we're seeing each other every weekend, we're going on dates, but we're getting to know each other. That's the reason why communication is so important, why you have to talk in the beginning when you first go on a date. I would advise any of you guys if you haven't gone on a date yet with someone, and you decide to go on a date with them, and you call yourself enjoying their their time and their attention that they're giving to you, that you make it known to them on your first date. Hey, I want you to know I am the type of girl or I am the type of guy that I don't just assume that we're in a relationship, we have to discuss it. Then, once we both agree that we are exclusive with one another, that is when the beginning of our our relationship starts. Because there won't be no confusion, not only it won't be any confusion, you won't have to worry about figuring it out are we together or not? You already know, so they will know, and you also would know that they know that you know that y'all are in a relationship. You see what I'm saying? I hope I'm explained that properly for you guys. So let's talk about why financial protection matters. Why is it important in the first place? Let's start with the in with an important truth. When you meet someone new, they don't automatically earn access to your finances, your assesses, or your financial information. Trust is built over time. Yes, I said it. Trust is built over time. Stop getting in these microwave relationships and then thinking that everything's supposed to work out, and then get mad when it blows up in your face because you had a silver spoon in there. Yeah, that's what happens with these microwave relationships. You don't build the trust. So always remember trust is built over time, and yet many people make financial mistakes early in relationships because they are trying to show generosity, kindness, and emotional support. But generosity without boundaries can become financial vulnerability. There are people who intentionally date individuals who appear financial stable, they look for these types of people, they look for signs like your career, your home, your lifestyle, your travel habits, your generosity, like how nice are you? These are the things they're looking for. So don't flash in front of them. When you want to go on a date with a girl and you got a nice fancy car and you know that you got money, you might want to not pick her up in that fancy car. Finding one of these regular old cars, a nice, regular, clean car to take her out in. If you come and put it up in the carvette, a freaking Ferrari, uh Bugatti, what you think she's gonna think? She's gonna think you got money and she wants some of it. So it's best to not do that with her. If you want the right girl. Now you want to impress to get in her panties, that's a different story. But I'm talking to these people who are ready for serious relationships and ready to settle down with the right person who is not gonna take advantage of them. I'm talking to you. So if you want that right woman or that right man, ladies, this goes for you too. Stop talking about what type of job you do. I'm a I'm an executive at, you know, X and Yz. Alright, you're an executive. Then you wonder why he's thinking, like, well, shoot, you don't need me. You got it made. Well, do I what where do I fit in at in your life financially? Because if you got money, then I'm surely in giving you none of mine. And you might say, Well, I don't need this money, I got my own money. But I'm gonna tell you one thing life brings about a change. Just keep on living. Things do change over time. You might lose your executive job, especially with the war going on. You don't know what's gonna happen in the next month. You don't even know what's gonna happen tomorrow. So I'm teaching you something about learning the person's heart, their character, who they are to their core, and this is why you don't flash your money in front of them. This is why you don't give this information out so soon. Because once they identify that you have financial stability, they slowly start introducing situations where you become the solution to their problems. Yeah, if you're dealing with this type of person, that's exactly what ended up happening. It may begin small at first, like my car broke down, I'm short on rent this month, I forgot my wallet. Can you help me out this time around? Yeah, those little small things are a clear sign that you're headed for someone getting into your pockets. I'm not telling you not to help them, but what I am telling you is this if it's been less than a year and this person is coming at you about you giving them money, that is a sign that something is wrong. Because what have they been doing before they met you? How have they been paying their rent before they met you? And if they've been struggling with their rent before they met you, you gotta question to yourself do I really want to be this person's financial support and paying rent for them? Or should I back up and let them get their self together and then see if we can date later? Because if they can't control their finances, what they got going on on their own before you, you get into a relationship with them, you're gonna have money problems with them because they don't know how to manage money, so they're gonna be dealing with the same issue that they're doing right now before you in the relationship with you, and y'all gonna be arguing behind spending money, especially if you got money, and they look at the fact that, well, shoot, you got it. How about I spend it? That's a problem, or that I forgot my wallet. Usually men say that they want the woman to pay. This is the reason why you get this established before you go on a date. Are you paying for the date or are we going Dutch? Because I'm not paying for your the date. You ask me out. If a person asks you out, it's assumed that they are the one paying, but you don't want to assume, you want to ask the question. Since you asking me out on a date, are you paying for this date? And if you are paying for your for this date, don't forget your wallet. Because if you do forget your wallet, I'm not being ugly about it, but I'm letting you know that I don't want to be in a trap. I will pay my way, and you will be left to pay your own, whether you got it or not. Just letting you know, I'm not gonna let you get me with that. And they're gonna say, Hmm, damn girl, you something else. But they might say, I like it. I like that. You, you're about your business. I like that. And you can kind of understand and get what kind of person they are with that question alone, with that statement, okay? And what else? My car broke down. Well, that does happen. People do, their cars do break down. But are you the one who had to pay for the mac mechanical bill? No, you're not. You don't have to pay for their mechanical bill. Now, here's a story. I remember when I first met my first husband, my car broke down, and I put my car in the shop to get it fixed. He went with me to go and find out exactly what was wrong with it, and we found out that I had through a rod. Yes, I threw a rod. It needed oil. I had an oil leak, a bad oil leak in that car. Matter of fact, and I was always putting oil in there. This time the car was like, I'm out of here. It clunked out on me. He told me, forget that car, leave it there. We ain't worried about that. I'll buy you a new car. I was not expecting that at all. Matter of fact, I almost got to a point when I was like, no. And I actually remember telling him that. No, I want my car and we're gonna fix it. And I don't need your money. I'm gonna make sure it gets done. He was like, no, that car is clunked out. I can get you another car for the amount that they're talking about putting a whole new motor into this car. He was correct though, but it just caught me off guard because I wouldn't expect him to say that. Well, although it seemed to be the best thing to do, we was only dating now. This is probably our third date. It was seemed like the best thing to do, not knowing me at my little young age, yeah, 23 years old and vibrant. It seemed like the best thing to do. But as time went on, I realized that was a control tactic for him. I can control you. Because when he got me my car, he was telling me that I couldn't let people drive. You can't let your friend drive because I hated to drive. I'm gonna be straight on it. I did not like driving. Matter of fact, to this day, I still don't like driving. I would prefer someone else do the driving. But I will drive if I have to. And I would have my best friend drive my car every time we would get in it. Shh, hey, she's driving. He was like, I don't want her driving a car. She's not on the insurance and all this stuff. Even though he was right about the insurance thing, but I didn't care. I figured it was my car, I can do what I want. And he was like, No, she's not driving. And that was the first sign of the controls factor where he started feeling like I can tell you what to do. He the money thing became real, you know. It was manipulation as I look back at it. Yeah. So I want to tell you about someone named David. David met someone he felt deeply connected to. She was warm, affectionate, and attentive. Within a few weeks, she beginning, she began sharing stories about financial struggle. That is a red flag, right there, you guys. I'm always pointing out red flags when I'm talking too. That's a red flag. You sharing stories about financial struggle. That's a downer. I don't want to hear about your financial struggles because that to me is not my problem when I'm just getting to know you. That's how I feel. Now, everybody else, you have different stories, but that's how I feel. Why are you dating when you got financial problems? You shouldn't be dating at all. You should be taking care of your business first, then be ready to date later. That's the first thing. So you're looking for someone to help get you out of this problem that you have. And trust me, financial debt do fall on you, especially when you get married. I dealt with that with my first husband too. And the second. Thank God. But I learned my lesson after the second one. Should have learned out of the first one, but I was so young that I didn't pay much attention to it until how much older. And I realized this is a situation, a serious situation. Anyway, so at first he was helping her out a little bit with her finance, then a little more, and then more. It's like it just kept growing and growing and growing. It's always a problem with her before he realized what was happening. He had paid several thousands of dollars for someone he barely even knew. Yeah, he didn't even know this girl like that. And he was spending money. When he finally refused to continue helping her financially, the relationship suddenly ended. She didn't want him for him, she wanted him for his money. That's just the way it was. And it's like that for a lot of people. A lot of women, especially women, look for men to take care of them. Like the first thing that comes out of their mouth is, I want stability. Yes, we all want stability. We should. We really should. But the problem is with that, it's not that you want stability, you really don't want stability. What you really want when a person says this thing, they want you to take care of them. That's what they want. They want a daddy. Take care of me, pretty much. That's what they want. So that was the moment when he realized David realized that something painful it was very painful for him because he liked that girl, and the relationship was. It was what it was. It wasn't really a relationship. It was built on what he could provide for her and not who he was. And unfortunately, hmm. This happens more often than we ever know. Than most people could even think about or talk about. And sometimes, if you watch these reality shows, you will see it even more on there. I watch these reality shows to get a lot of my um content to talk to you guys about. It helps me a lot too because I start thinking about past situations. I'm like, you know what? I should talk about that in my podcast. And then I start talking about it, of course. So if you want to know where I get my material from, I get a lot of it from life experience as well as from watching other people's lives and come up with some good material for you guys to talk about. But yeah, protecting your finances doesn't mean that you are selfish, it means you understand that trust must be earned before finances assets is given. You gotta get the trust from them first that you know this person is not about giving. And taking, I meant to say taking your money. Because if you're dealing with someone who's about taking your money, you you won't get too many people to give you money. It's not gonna happen too much. So tonight my husband and I were gonna go out, and what I like to do is every now and then, instead of him always paying, I pay. So I tell him, hey, I'm gonna take you out. And he like, what? My treat. He like, what? I said, Yeah, I'm gonna take you out, baby. It's gonna be my treat. You don't have to worry about paying for anything. I take care of everything. And he's like, What? Heck yeah. And it's funny because I remember the first time I did that, we were just dating. The first time I did that with him, it was Father's Day. That's what it was. And I said, and he my husband, he don't have any biological kids or anything. So I said, I'm gonna take care of a father's day. He said, I'm not a father. I said, Yes, you are. He said, No, I'm not. I said, think about it. I said, you coach so many children, and you are a father figure to a lot of those kids. So you are a father. And not just that, my son, you are going to be a father figure to him. I am allowing you to be in this sport's life, even though he knows who his dad is, his biological dad is, but you would be the one who will be around on a consistent basis. So I'm going to treat you for Father's Day. And he was like, Oh my God, I cannot believe that a woman is taking me out. And I said, What are you talking about? He said, I've never had a woman treat me before. I've always been the one treating. I was always, I said, even with your first marriage, he said, I she never paid for anything. Not one thing. And she made more money than me. I said, Are you serious? He's like, Yeah, she made more money than me. And she would not buy me anything. Only one time she bought some things for me, and it was because it's our anniversary. And he and even then, sometimes she would use my money to buy me presents. I was like, that's trifling. Now that's trifling. So, but at the same time, I'm thinking, well, y'all are married, and you know, Texas is common law, so your what's yours is hers, and what's hers is yours. He was like, It didn't work like that. What's hers was hers. I was like, Oh, well, that's the way y'all had it. So what I'm saying is, if you're going to treat, it's okay to do that, but do it at your own terms, not as someone else is asking you to do that for them, and then it becomes a habit, all right? So let's talk about early financial reds, red flags. Early financial red flags, now you should pay close attention to this early in the date, in the dating process, very early in the dating process. Every day that you go on, you should check off that they even bring any up any financial situations, that they bring it up, and if so, write it down, put it in your notebook. They talked about this, this, and that dealing with money, because that's gonna help you see patterns, okay? Anyone can experience financial challenges, matter of fact, a lot of us do. That is normal, it's nothing wrong with that, and we can even talk about it, but you're looking for patterns, is what you're doing. That's what you're looking for. You're trying to figure out what are the patterns with this person. But if someone you just met is constantly telling you about financial emergencies, you should slow down way down and observe carefully. Is moving too quickly into financial conversations. We shouldn't be talking about this this early. If someone starts asking questions like, How much money do you make? How do you pay your bills? Do you own your own home? What kind of investments do you have? Very early in the dating process, I'm talking about six months early. That is a warning sign. Okay, so what's early? I asked you this once before, mastery again. What is early to you? Because some people think dating for six months is good, that that's good enough. But in this day and time, since we are dealing with microwave relationships, six months is still too early when it comes to the finances because people hide well, and what I mean they hide well, they pretend well. So you want time for their representative to go away, you want time for the real person who they are to come out. That wolf in sheep clothing, you need time for them to get hot underneath all that sheep fur and be ready to take it off. That's what you're waiting for. I need to know who I'm dealing with. Is this a wolf or a sheep? Am I dealing with a wolf or am I dealing with a sheep? Have I seen the teeth of the wolf yet? Or am I hearing the bad of the sheep? Which one? Because if you don't give yourself that time, you're gonna fall victim financially and it's gonna hurt you. It's gonna hurt you deeply. And then you're gonna figure out I'm okay. Let me give you a story about what happened with me, with my first with my second husband. So my first husband, he was the person who was paying all the bills and buying me things and all this up. He was controlling me through money. All right? It was, hey, you can do what you want, but I don't want you buying that. I don't want you going there, I don't want you wearing this. It was like that. And then we would fight and we would argue, and then I would buy it anyway, I will go wherever I want to go anyway, and I will wear what I want to wear. Then we will fight, then we will fight, then we will fight. Well, I chunked that up as immaturity because I was so young. We was 20, we both the same age, same age, 23 years old. What you think is gonna happen with 23 year olds? Have no business getting married. So, my second marriage to my second husband, I am much, much older. It is 10 years later. I am in my 30s, going on my 40s. Come on now, it should not be that hard. Okay, when I mean not that hard, I'm talking about now I divorced my first husband at 27, at age 27. So at age 37, I'm meeting my second husband. Like, literally, we're getting in a relationship, and I should do better than what I did before. But like I said, I was vulnerable, and I'm gonna talk about that a little later into this in this episode, and I'm gonna talk about more into that. But what I'm saying is what I didn't do, I should have done, which I should have paid more attention to my money, and I didn't because I was spending money in areas that should not have been spent. Like I bought my own flight ticket to go see him the first time, and he paid for the hotel. So I was thinking that was an even trade. I felt like okay, that's an even trade. He paid a hotel, he paid for the food, and then whatever we when we went out that night, he paid for the drinks and the entertainment. So I felt like shoot, that's an even trade. The ticket didn't cost me but what$600. That's round trip. So basically, he kind of evened it out because the hotel, I stayed there for what, three nights. The hotel was maybe um damn damn near probably four or five hundred dollars, um, about four something, somewhere up in there. And then, of course, drinking and eating. Oh, yeah, so it did even itself out. The second date was when it got started, when he told me I'm not gonna be able to pay for the hotel. I have something I gotta pay for, got a financial situation that occurred. Tell you, tell you, I'm telling you these financial stories, man. And I fell for it. And I was like, Well, I go ahead and pay for the hotel. And then he was like, Don't worry about it. I still got the food and I still have us going out and everything. He paid for us to go out, go to the movies, stuff like that. He paid for the food, and I still trunted up like, okay, fine. Because everybody goes through financial situations. That's what I was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. But that situation never changed. It was always something. Always this, can't do this, can't do that. Then I became a flight attendant, so now I'm not paying for flights anymore. So that took a big load off of me. But now I'm paying for the hotels constantly. Every time we go, I'm paying for the hotel. Every time we go somewhere, I'm paying for the hotel. Every time we go somewhere, I'm paying for food now. Now I'm buying food. You know, it just kept going and going and going and going until I realized that this dude has been taking me for my money. I'm already deep into the marriage now. When I figure it out, I I I should do better. But it was too late because now I'm literally in it, in the heart of things. Because I let my emotions get in the way. So if someone starts asking questions like those that I just mentioned very early in the relationship, that is a red flag, and you need to take heed to that. Healthy curiosity about your life is normal, but intense curiosity about your financial situation too early may signal opportunist behavior. Red flags number three, let's talk about that one, is uh expecting you to pay for everything. Geniusity in dating can go both ways. I know I already shared information about that. But if you notice someone constantly expecting you to come out of your pocket or they're forgetting their wallets all the time, you can't forget your money all the time, especially if you got a phone, because most of the time our money is on our phone now. You have Apple Pay, Google Pay, Cash App. Um, we can keep naming some things. So Ven mode, whatever. So you can't tell me that you completely don't have no money with you. Mm-hmm. They got a phone, they got something on their phone, all right? So keep that in mind. Expecting expensive outings. If a person's always wanting you to take them somewhere, that's gonna cost a lot of money. That's a problem, that's a red flag, and never offering to contribute. Come on now, are you gonna pay for something? Like, come on. So, yeah, you need to make sure that whoever you're dealing with is able to be generous just as well as you are. That's an indication of entitlement when you got people doing those types of things, like they think they're entitled to your money. Red flag number four. What is that? Red flag lemon floor number four is testing your generosity. Yes, people do this, they want to test how far you will go in your giving. Some people intentionally create situations to see how easily you give money. They might say things like, Can you just help me out until I get my next paycheck? No, thank you. I'm not doing it. I'm gonna help you till you get your next paycheck. Well, then how about you wait till you get your next paycheck to do what you need to do? It is what it is. Or I promise I'll pay you back. Now, sometimes people will pay you back. The first time of doing something, if it's little, I always tell this is my rule of thumb right right here. If I can't afford to give it away, then I won't do it. But if I can afford to give it away, then I will do it. So if you ask me for$100 and I'm telling myself, that$100, I really can use that for something else, or I really need it for something else, those are the things. Do I need it or can I use it? If I can use it for something else, that means that I can afford to give it away. But if I need it for something else, I can't afford to give it away. That is where my answer lies, right there. Yes or no. So maybe you can adopt that for yourself. Because the minute that they don't pay you back, you're gonna be pissed off. And then you're gonna start hounding them for that money, and you're gonna be like, I need my money back, and then that's gonna be a problem. I have a a way of also doing things like this too, when people like to ask for money or borrow money. I paid you to never ask me to borrow money from me again. That's what I say to people who don't pay me back. What I gave you, you never paid me back, and because you did not pay me back, I paid you to never ask me for money again. You never will be able to get money from me again because you never pay me back. That's how I do it. So you can do that as well. It also helped keep friendship down, keep you from losing friendships. It ain't just about relationship with boys and girls, romantic relationships. It's also about family members. Because I got family members who still ain't pay me back. But have they asked me for money? One of them did. I sold her, I said, girl, you still ain't pay me back the money that you borrowed for gas money. Until you pay me that back, you can't get no more money out of me. And she's like, Well, I pay you that back and I give you this back. I said, if you can afford to pay me that back and give me this one back, then how about you give me that back first? Then I will lend you the money for this one. And she was like, Ah, whatever. I said, You show right, whatever. This is my money. Don't ask me for no more money until you can pay me back. Because first off, I have a problem with people coming to me asking me for money because I don't come to you. I will not go to family members asking them for money. I will not go to friends asking them for money. I will go to a lender and ask for money because I know that's what they do, that's their business. And their business is lending money. But to literally go to a personal, personal person, I can't do that. I can't do that. That's not something that I can do. And then even with the lender, it's a way that you can pay them back in payments to where it doesn't take all your money up front, so it makes it easy to give them the money back. Only problem I got with lenders is that they try to take more than they should. Those long sharks when they interest rate is like over the top, and you're like, seriously, it's I'm I'm asking for$300 and you want me to pay you$1,500 back. That's crazy. That's crazy. So what I do is try to borrow from myself. Now, how do you borrow from yourself? You have to first feel be able to have a savings account where you have your own money in, and then you can go from there, and then you you build it first. You gotta build it first. Once you build it, then whenever you need the extra money, you you borrow from that. It's your money, you borrow from that, but then you pay yourself back after so many days, so many months, so many weeks, however, you want to do it. If you want to do it by weekly, you want to do it by monthly, you pay yourself back until you pay that money back to yourself, and you don't have to pay interest on it, you just pay it back what you actually borrowed from yourself, and then that keeps you from having to borrow from other people. But remember, the key word here, the key thing is to build it up first, build the savings up first, then you start the borrowing process when you need it, not because you want to go buy an outfit or anything like that, get your hair done, nails done. No, that's not it. It's for your situations that occur like what I'm talking about. My car broke down, or like for me, my window got busted out, so someone broke into my car. That's what I'm talking about, all right. So just a rule of thumb that you can do. So, what you want to do is you want to make sure that whoever you if you are gonna lend money to, you can uh afford to give it away. Cause often those promises they disappear once the money disappears. That's what usually happen. So red flag number five is emotional emotional pressure. And women do this a lot. Men do it too. The emotional pressure is that they may say something like, If you really care about me, you would help me. Or I thought we were building something special. Yeah, right. We ain't building that kind of specialness. Or they'll say, I guess you don't trust me then. And me personally, I'll be like, girl, I don't trust nobody with my money. I don't even trust myself, shit, let alone trusting you. And hey, that's just how I normally do with the sarcasm. I put sarcasm in there at that point because now you you you messing with me. Yes, you are. You're messing with me, and I gotta mess with you back. I'm a stickler when it comes to the money thing. So I remember I had a a thing where I would date people, and it's what I mean about the vulnerability, how my ex-second husband got me. Because before him, I had this thing where I can like you, and I don't care how much I like you. The minute that you asked me for money, the relationship was over. That's how I was. And because I was a single woman living by myself, paying my my own bills, and I wasn't making a whole lot of money at my job, but it was decent enough to take care of myself. But it wasn't decent enough to take care of myself in a whole grown other person. Now, if I had a child, I could have been able to take care of my kid. And plus, I was supposed to take care of my kid, you know? But a grown person, nah, that was not it. I was so serious. I remember this guy that I liked, and I thought he was, ooh, I thought he was so, you know, cute, whatever. And he was funny, and I liked him. Mm-hmm. And the thing is, is that when we had sex for the first time, it was really good, and I really enjoyed it. I I I enjoyed it so much that I wanted it again, and then I got it again. But then after that, he asked me to borrow some money, and I was like, what? And he was like, Can I borrow$200? I was like, no, I don't have$200 to give away. He's like, I'm not giving you, you're not giving me$200, you're lending me$200. I'm gonna give it back to you. I was like, no, no, no. Uh-uh. If I was not able to get my money back, I'm gonna be upset. So I am not able to give$200 away. So the answer is no. And after that, I didn't talk to him no more. Every time he saw me, I would go the other way. I wouldn't even go in his presence. I'm like, uh, I'm not even going around him. So we had a mutual friend, and a mutual friend, she was like, Why are you not talking to him anymore? I said, Girl, that dude asked me for money. I don't talk to people who ask me for money. He lost me right there. And she's like, But you liked him. I said, I did like him. I don't like him anymore. She's like, You cold. I was like, I don't care. Once they ask me for money, that changes everything. Because he's a grown man. He has a healthy body, he can go and make some money. Shoot, if he Gotta work a day label pool. Shoot, I did it when I didn't have a job. I went and worked day labor just to make a paycheck for that day and used it to pay a light bill. So, whatever the case is, do what you gotta do. And that's how I felt about him, you know. And I was like, that's how I felt about all the guys. If you you can make money just like I can make money. I mean, I'm not going out there and selling no ass. I'm not out there um working the poll or nothing, but this other way is to do things and not to ask no woman, single woman, for no dang old money. That's the way I felt. Of course, as times went on, changed became about, and that's what I'm gonna talk about a little bit later. So let's keep this going. Yes, this podcast one is a little longer than the other ones because I really want you guys to get it. I want to help you with not going broke. So the statement that most people love is uh you if you care about me, you would help me. This statement is not love, it's manipulation. That's exactly what it is. So beware of that particular statement. If you care about me, you will help me. Because if you really care about the person over time, you're gonna help them anyway, naturally. Healthy relationship never pressures you financially. Okay, so here's an exercise I want you to do. Every episode that I give you, I'm gonna give you some type of exercise to do. You're gonna write something down or you're gonna do something. This exercise, you're gonna write down three financial um you wanna let's get it out. You're gonna write down three financial boundaries that you want to maintain while dating. I'm gonna give you some examples that you can use. You so example number one is I will not lend money to someone I've only known less than six months. That will help you easily to say no in that first six months of meeting somebody of not getting your money, not giving your money out. You're also gonna write down number two, I will not share financial accounts information early in the dating process. What's early the first freaking year? Don't give them your financial situation, no bank account information, no how much you got in that bank account, no assets. Oh, I own property over here and there. They don't need to know how much rental properties you have and where they are. Don't give that information out, hold that information back for the first year. And then number three, you're gonna write down, I will not make large purchases for someone I'm still getting to know. So don't go out to Tiffany's buying them bracelets and stuff like that for their birthdays. And no, don't give them expensive gifts, don't be up there buying Louis Vuitton and coach bags and all that. They don't need all that, especially early in the relationship. The first year, don't do it. I'm teaching you guys something about dating financially. Men usually do this most of the time. That's why I'm talking directly to you guys. Don't do it. The first year you want to get her give her something nice. Shoot. I would say if you want to do something nice for a woman the first year, make it come from your heart. Take her somewhere nice. Don't take her on no expensive trip and don't take her to an expensive restaurant spending two, three hundred dollars on a meal. No, just make it simple. Plain and simple. If she can't handle plain and simple, then that's a red flag that lets you know who you're dealing with. Because you don't want the type of relationship if you have to always come out of your pocket to make her happy. So having boundaries, you want to write down anything that is a red flag to you when you're out in your dating life. All right, having boundaries written down make it easy to honor them when emotions begin to evolve, because emotions can blur financial judgment, which not that it can, it will, it's just what it is, and boundaries keep you grounded. That's why you want to write this stuff down, all right. So now we're gonna talk about protecting your assesses while dating, all right? It's more than just money that you need to protect. So we already talked about the actual money part. Now we're gonna talk about your assets like your savings and your investment property, stuff like that, okay? So what do you do when you have property and you have a nice savings and investments and bonds and bitcoins and cryptos and what do you what do you do in that kind of situation? What do you do? How do you avoid uh being suckered by someone in that way? So you want to practice ways of protecting your finances while you're dating. Number one, what you want to do is avoid revealing your full financial situations too early. So let's say you're out of one of your rental properties, right? And you're collecting rent. Or let's say you're not even collecting rent because most people don't collect rent face to face no more. So let's just say that you are checking on the property, you had a complaint, and you're going to go check on it. You know, co compliance might have come by and say, Hey, the grass ain't right. HOA might say something, oh hey, you know, there noise pollution. It could be anything. So you're gonna go check on the property, or let's say just say you want to make sure a plumbing issue happened, and you want to make sure the plumber got there and fixed the pipes or whatever, and your date calls you and they say, Hey, how's it going? What's going on for the day? And you're like, instead of saying, Hey, I'm out here at one of my rental properties, don't say that. You just gave away a secret that shouldn't have been told. You just say, Hey, I'm handling some business, and I'm not talking about the kind of business in the first episode about the detecting lies. I'm talking about literally, I'm handling some business right now. I gotta deal with a plumbing problem, and the plumber just got here. Let me take care of this, and then we I'm gonna call you back. Simple. They know there's an issue, they know what the issue is, and they know that you're gonna call them back. You did not give no information about real detail that you had a rental property that you own, and that you're the one dealing with the financial with paying for the plumber. Because that those are factors, man, that people start thinking, like, they got money. Hmm. Let's see how I can get some of that. You get it now? So you don't want, you don't have to hide who you are, but you also don't need to disclose things such as your savings, investments, salary details, they don't need to know how much you make, and property ownership, they don't need to know how much property that you own property, don't even know, they don't even need to know that you own your own house. You can tell them you don't have to tell them that you rent, but you can make them think that you're renting. There's none of their business, okay? Just keep that in mind, it's not their business because those are personal financial details that should be shared only when trust and communication grows over time. That's when you share that information when you could say, Okay, I know this person not about trying to get money out of me, so I can tell them about my property now. At some time, they're gonna at some point in your relationship, they're gonna need to know. But when is the time to know? And that's why we're talking about dating in the early stage. I always say the first year they don't need to know all this information. That's how I do it. The first year is a sacred year, that is the sacred time of me getting to know you, and you getting to know me, characterize you're learning the character of the person, not everything the person has and what you have. No, who are you? That's what you're doing the first year of the relationship. Who are you? All right, now the second thing you want to be mindful of lifestyle signals. Yeah, these are signals that you're gonna you can see right away. Sometimes people in unintentionally advertise their financial stability through social media or conversation, like luxury purchases, buying things that are expensive, expensive travel, they want to post every time they go out on vacation, stuff like that. Yes, I post every time I go on a vacation because I work in a travel field. I am a flight attendant, so I am going to post when I go on a vacation. I'm not spending money on these flights. I fly for free. You see what I'm saying? Different, but the problem is that I do notice with some of the flight attendants who are single, they end up in a relationship with guys or with women who only date them for the benefits, they're not really dating them for who they are, they baiting they're dating them because they get to fly free too. So you gotta be careful with that as well. Everyone don't need to know that you're a flight attendant, right? Like I tell my husband when he talks to people, stop telling people that you fly for free. That's none of their business. Because the minute that you tell them that you fly for free, they start trying to figure out a way of how they can get the opportunity to do the same. You start asking him, Do I do I give out buddy passes? And I'm like, no, I don't. I don't give out buddy passes. That's not how my job works. Which that is true. I don't give out buddy passes, that's not how my job works. Our buddy passes are through a different way. It ain't it don't go like that. We're gonna just hand them to strangers. Here you go, here's a buddy pass, here's one for you, you get a buddy pass, you get a buddy pass. Everyone can get a buddy pass. No, that's not how they go. Not at all. So I tell them immediately, stop telling people that. Stop telling people that I'm a flight attendant. That's none of their business. Because the minute that they find flight attend, they want to see if they can get some free flights, and I get sick of it. I done had a total, I done had not just one, several total total strangers asking me, can they get buddy passes? And I'm sitting here like, who are you? Why would I give you a buddy pass? I don't know you. And they're looking like well, you know, I pay for it. I don't want your money because you can cost me my job, and that is way more than anything that you can come out of pocket to give me. We ain't doing that, and that's what I do. I'm so serious. I get offensive when they do that. I do, I get offensive, like what?

unknown 58:12

What?

oneliness Clouds Financial Judgment

ey Takeaways And Closing Thoughts

easer: Recognizing Charmers Next

SPEAKER_00 58:14

But hey, it is what it is, okay? And then you also have high value items can attract attention from people who are looking for financial advantage, they want to take advantage of you when they see you with these suspension watches, these fancy cars, all those types of things. This these purses, ladies, that y'all be walking around with that cost four thousand dollars and everything. So, my my purses, everything that I design, my bags, my shoes, they're under four hundred dollars. I purposely make sure that they don't cost you more than four hundred dollars because I don't believe that anything that is that you carry around or that you walk on, like you walk on shoes, and then you walk on the ground, and purses you put things in them. Why do they need to cost four or five thousand dollars? What in the world? Why? Yes, they need to look good, yes, they need to be good quality, good material, last for years and years and years, but why do they cost that much? So, what gave me the idea was this my mom she bought some ostrich cowboy boots, and she bought them back in 1990, 1993, 94. I know I was a teenager when she bought them, and I think it was 93, and I I remember her bragging about how much they cost, they cost her$500 back then.$500 was a lot of money, especially with us living on housing during that time. My mom was on welfare, you know, and she bought$500 boots, and I'm thinking at that time, I used to think my mom was crazy buying those kind of shoes, and she bought clothes that was$300,$400, and I mean they was expensive, and I'm thinking, why? So, what ended up happening was that my brother got mad at my mom, and yes, my brother I'll tell you he's a wildcat. So he got mad at my mom one day, and this was some years later, but my mom was still wearing those clothes, even though it was years later. This was in the 2000s. Now, my brother cut those clothes up, chopped them in little pieces, just started cutting them up. He was mad at her for something, and yes, he was so wrong, dead wrong, but it taught my mom a lesson. I don't know why. This is what came out of her mouth. She said, you know, I was really um strung out on buying high-value clothing and shoes, and I was so stuck on them to where I didn't even know that I was under a spell until your brother cut my clothes up. And ever since then, I've never felt a need to go and buy expensive shoes and clothes anymore that I couldn't afford. And I still didn't like it. I was like, I don't care what the hell you saying right now. He had no right to do that, absolutely no right to do that, and because of that, I'd never give him an opportunity to do that to me. That was my thoughts while she was talking. So, but now here it is, what, 20 years later? I'm still thinking about that. Mm-hmm. And I and I saw her wear those boots again. And I said, Oh, he didn't cut those up. She's like, he couldn't cut them up because the material that it's made out of is so and she was right. I say, Well, huh, well, you sure right about that. The price was worth it. 500 and made out of good material, it's ostrich, it's real ostrich. Like, oh my god. That's how I'm thinking, like, oh my god, you know, and I say, okay, she got a point. But then I started thinking about my own products. I'm like, you know, 500 is not bad, but 400 is even better. I would not sell my products over$400 if I can have if I can help it. Now, as years go on, economy changes. If I have to go up, then I go up with the economy. I won't go up to a point where I'm killing your pockets, I won't do that, but I will go up to an even fair amount. But as of right now, none of my products are over$400, and it's Italian leather. I have both equal leather and also have genuine Italian suede and smooth leather, and everything is great material. So, what I'm trying to say, I wasn't trying to advertise myself. What I was trying to say was that you gotta pay attention to people's habits, those type of things can help you realize if you're dealing with someone that you can live with because they lifestyle, is it someone that will help you? Because you could be cheaper than I don't know what. Being cheap is bad too. You know, I I was with a guy who was cheap, man. He had money, he's making a good$120,000 a year, and did not want to spend no money, had the nurse to tell me. We went on on a date one time, and I had bought a drink that cost$12. It was uh, I think it was a hurricane. And he was like, How much that drink? And he was looking at this his receipt, how much this drink is? He's like,$12. You better eat the ice. And that's exactly what he said.$12 for$12, you better eat the ice. And I was like, Really?$12? Do I pay for this drink? And I was at that point, he turned me off. I was turned off from that point on. I'm like, all I had was Crawfish Air Toothée and a hurricane, Cajun food. That's it. And you're telling me that you're mad about the$12 drink. So being cheap is also bad, too. So you gotta pay attention to that as well. What you want to do is you gotta understand that it's not about hiding your success, it's about being mindful of who has access to that information when they have access to it. And the third thing you want to also do is never combine finances early. That means no joint account, no shared credit cards, no co-signing loans for anything. All right, and no shared investments, no houses together. Don't be, oh, let me go buy a house. No, don't do that. This these are decisions for committed relationships, long-term partnerships, marriages, not early dating. What's your problem? You gotta get your mind right. That's why I'm here. That's why you're here listening to get your mind right. So the third, the fourth thing, the fourth thing is trust patterns, not promises. People can make promises all day long. You want to look at their behavior, trust the pattern that you see. What is keep repeating? What is repetition? Trust that. Someone may promise they will pay you back, someone may promise they will improve on their own finances, but promises are not proof. Consistency over time is what builds trust. Let me share another story. I know I'm sharing these stories, but let me share another story. Okay, a woman named Angela began dating someone who seemed very responsible. He had big plans, big dreams, and big ambitions. But he consistently asked for small financial help while getting things started. That is a red flag. That's another one. They keep asking for stuff to help start them on something. The ding ding ding ding ding, red flag, all right. But she noticed a pattern that the requests they kept growing. Eventually she paused and realized something important. That he had ambitions, but he had no accountability. There was nothing to show for the things that he was talking about. You shouldn't have to get to that point with a person to realize that they're taking you for your money. So she ended a relationship before her financial before her financial loss became larger than what it was already becoming. That decision protected her future. Sometimes love required compassion, but it also requires wisdom. That's what I'm here for. Alright. So I'm going to talk about dating. Yeah, the danger of settling out of loneliness. This is what a part comes in at what I was telling you that I was gonna talk about it later because I had to deal with this on my own. I was dating, I dated my second husband out of loneliness. I had just broken up with someone. I told you guys this in other episodes. How I put my breakup on social media, which was the worst thing that I've ever done. Because that caught his attention to realize that oh now I can try to see what I where I can fit in at. And my loneliness got me caught up. And that's what it was. So my dog over here scratching on the couch. He's a mess. So what I want to do, I want to slow the pace down a little bit, and I want to share some valuable information about the danger of settling out of loneliness. Now, there's another level to this conversation that we have to talk about. Honestly, one of the biggest reasons people end up in financial entanglements with the wrong person is not because of lack of intelligence, it's not that you're stupid or anything, it's because you were lonely, vulnerable, or even desperate for companionship at the time that you got involved with the person that you have got involved with, and you gotta make sure you get this in check before you even start dating, or before you even give the chance the person a chance to even get to know you. Get those things under control. Your loneliness gotta be under control. How do you conquer long loneliness? The best way to conquer loneliness is to get around people you love, your family members, go around them more, create outings with people that you love. If there's nothing going on, create something. You might need to throw a house party. I'm just saying, it can work. You'd be surprised who will show up for your dinner parties. I know someone who used to do this all the time. That's why I made it, that's why I made this clear to say it. There was a lady, she's no longer living, but she used to throw house parties for every holiday and people's birthdays, her grandkids' birthdays. She had people all the time because she was lonely, but she had her family members come over, and that helped her conquer loneliness. How did I know this? She said it. She told me one day, she said, The reason why I have a lot of, because I told I remember saying, I like your party. You have some good parties, man. I be looking forward to them. And she said, The reason why I have these parties is because I be lonely and I just want company. So I invite my family over and I and I just throw some parties every now and then for them to show up. And it worked. So conquer your loneliness. Go on some trips, some girls' trips, your best friends or something. Go on some girls' trips. Some of you might be a lot older and your friends might have passed away. Well, sometimes you might need to join a club. And I'm not talking about a cult. Please don't join the cult. But join a club, a group club where they might say, Hey, we get together on Fridays and we go out and do karaoke or something. Yeah, conquer that loneliness first before getting involved in a date with somebody because they can sense or narcissists can sense loneliness and they take advantage of it. I mean, real advantage of it. Also, vulnerability. Usually you're vulnerable when you have lost something or someone. So let's grieve and get that over with before you get involved. Let's heal from those situations first. And then desperation of companionship. Stop thinking that you're gonna be long alone forever. You're not, you're not. So don't settle for the next thing that comes your way. Don't do that. When loneliness is driven, well, actually, when loneliness is driving your decision, your standards often become negotiable. You may start overlooking behaviors you normally wouldn't tolerate. That's what happened to me when I said about the money thing. Remember, I was just talking about that a few minutes ago, that I would not continue dating a guy who asked me for money, and then all of a sudden I started I ended up marrying one because what was going on with me was my loneliness. I was vulnerable. Mm-hmm. And I started overlooking things that I wouldn't normally tolerate, and that's what did it for me. Once I figured that out, I got better. I healed from it. Once I accepted it, actually, because I had already knew I just needed to accept it. And exception is the first thing to awareness, and then the second thing is now let's do something about this. So, you what you do, you make excuses financially irresponsible. You become very irresponsible with your finances, you start making excuses. You may even feel pressured to help someone who hasn't earned that level of trust yet. But here's the truth: loneliness can cloud judgment. And when judgment is clouded, people sometimes make financial decisions that affect not only their lives, but also the lives of their children, family members, and future stability. Settling out of loneliness can be dangerous for so many reasons. First, it can put you, it can put your finance in security risks. You can have financial security risks in areas like your credit going bad because they start using your credit for things. There's a lot of things that can go with that. When someone enters your life and quickly becomes dependent on you financially, that dramaticness, what it does, it can slow you down. It can start chipping away at your money and at your finances and your assets. That dramaticness is something that you need to pay close attention to. It can slowly turn into control as well, manipulation and resentment. What begins as helping someone get on their feet can become an ongoing expectation through them. Like they just expect you to continue on and on and on. Second, it can affect the people that you love. It can also affect the connection that you have with your loved ones, your children, your family, even your future plans, things that you wanted to do now. You can't do them because money is tight. Or you gotta give your money to this person instead because they asked you to go into a business idea adventure with them. Be careful with those business adventures because that is a red flag all in itself. If this person don't have a business plan already drawn up for you to go through and actually examine it and allow you to take your time to make the decision if you want to be a partner or not, back up off that one real fast because it's a gimmick, it also can be a scam. So be careful with that. You should be able to take that business plan to a lawyer and have them examine that mug without them getting upset about it or having a reason to complain to you about. So it can also impact you can also be impacted by financial decisions while you're being emotional vulnerable. So do not allow yourself to date while you're vulnerable. You want to back up off of dating when you're in a vulnerable state because you will definitely be taken advantage of. So the third thing is settling out of desperation often attracts the wrong type of person to you. Yeah, people who are looking for someone to rescue them financially are often very good at sensing when someone is emotionally vulnerable. Yeah, they usually can tell right away. It's like a pheromone that comes off of you to them, they can smell it, they move fast, they push, they can also push for commitment very quickly. They want to get married because now, if they're married to you, they have access to your finances, or they want to move in into your home, those types of things, they're moving too quick, or even have you move into their home. Most of the time, they want to move in with you though, because if you move in with them, you still control your finances and you can leave whenever you want. But it's hard to put them out of your house. That's what I'm trying to say. Or they can can they can create situations. Most of the time, this is what they do, they create they create situations where you feel responsible for solving their problems, make you feel like you are the one, the only one who can rescue them. But a healthy partner doesn't show up looking for someone to fund their life or their lifestyle. A healthy partner shows up ready to build life with you, they're ready to add to your life, not take away from it. There's a difference, okay? Notice the difference. If a person comes into your life to subtract, they're not the one. If a person comes into your life to add, that's the one. You want someone to add value to you, not take away your value. Love should never require you to abandon wisdom, boundaries, or financial responsibilities. If you find yourself feeling lonely or vulnerable while dating, that's not a sign that you need to rush into a relationship. What it is, it's a sign that you need to back off on getting involved into a relationship. Don't even go on dates when you're lonely and vulnerable. Don't do it. Because you're gonna say to yourself, Well, I'm just going on a date. No, this person's gonna pick up on your loneliness and they're gonna start charming you. And we're gonna talk about charmers in another episode and how to stay away from casmatic, charismatic people, all right? Casmatic manipulators, they they use that charm very well, and then you find yourself dealing with how did I get here moments. Sometimes it's a sign. I want you to know that most of the time when you are vulnerable and lonely, it's a sign that you need to slow down, reconnect with yourself, and make sure the decisions you're making are coming from strength rather than emotional need. Because the right relationship will never require you to risk your peace, your financial stability, or even your well-being of the people you love. Please don't put the people you love in danger. And remember this, I want you to remember this. A person who truly cares about you will respect your boundaries. If you don't have any boundaries, get some. It's time to put them together. If you don't know how to get boundaries, I have an episode in season six teaching you about boundaries. Please go back to those episodes, and also they will respect your timing when you need to slow down. They will understand that you need to slow down and they will be patient with you and your financial independency, they will leave your money alone, they will not come after your money. The right person who really truly care about you, they will not be in your pockets trying to get your money. Anyone who pressures you otherwise is revealing something important about their intentions with you. Be not fooled, like the Bible says, be not deceived. Please don't be deceived. You got all the information now, you better get it together. All right. So I want to wrap this up. So today, we've talked about protecting your finances while dating. So you have learned why financial boundaries are important. You've learned the early financial red flags, you've learned how emotional pressure can be used for manipulation. You learn why financial transparency can develop slowly. No, no, no, should develop slowly. Yeah, it can, but it should. All right. You also learned how to maintain healthy financial boundaries, and you learned why selling is dangerous. I want you to remember this. This is what I'm gonna leave you guys with when it comes to your money, because it's time for people to get out of your pockets who don't belong there, okay? Love should never require you to sacrifice your finances, your financial security for someone you barely know. If you only known this person from less than 12 months, don't be giving them nothing when it comes to your money. Do it from the kindness of your heart and always only give what you are able to afford to give away. Never looking for anything in return back from it, is what I'm saying. A healthy partner will respect your boundaries, they will not pressure you, they will not guilt trip you, and they will not test your generosity, they will build trust with you over time because it takes time to build trust, and it's easy to tear it apart. As we close today's episode, I want to leave you with one more important thought. Please remember these words that I'm going to give you. Love should add to your life, not drain your peace, your finances, or your future. When you're dating, pay attention to the red flags, they're there for a reason. They're not there to scare you, they're there to protect you. When someone shows you patterns of irresponsibleness, that they're very irresponsible, or entitlement or pressure around money, believe what you see. That's exactly who they are. When they show you who they are, believe them. The late great Maya Dr. Meyer Angelou said that, and it is actually a real thing. At the same time, I want you to remember that healthy boundaries are not walls, their wisdom, that's what they are. Boundaries simply mean you value your stability, your future, and the life that you are building for yourself. It is not selfish to build for yourself, and you must build for yourself first before you can build for someone else, anyway. Protecting your finances while dating isn't about being suspicious of someone, it's about making sure the person entering into your life is coming with integrity, responsibility, and not and the desire to build and add to you and not take from you. The right partner will never be threatening to your boundaries. The right partner will respect them. So take your time. I want you to observe, absorb. I'm trying to get the right observate, pay attention to their character, protect what you've worked so hard to build. That's what you got to do. Don't be frivolous with it because the goal is not just to be finding love. The goal is to find to be finding a love that respects your peace, honors your boundaries, and protect your future just as much as you do. All right. Please keep that in mind. Now, the next episode in episode six, we're going to talk about recognizing charmers and avoiding their traps. Yes, we're gonna avoid the trap that they set. So we're going to talk about something many people fall victim to the cashmadic manipulator. Yes, we fall victim to that one because it's so easy, man. So we're gonna cover in episode six, we're gonna cover how charmers operate, why they feel so irresistible, the psychological tricks that they use, and how to recognize the difference between genuine interest and calculated charm. If you've ever met someone who seems too good to be true, the next episode will help you understand why. Thank you for joining me today on improving your thoughts by freeing yourself. I'm you Alayla Carol. Reminding you that protecting your heart always means protecting your peace, your time, and yes, your finances. I will see you next time. We will talk more in the next episode. Signing out, Alayla.