(Important questions to ask) Second Date Conversation That Reveal Character

In this powerful episode, we go beyond first impressions and dive into what really matters—the second date. While the first date is often filled with surface-level charm and chemistry, the second date is where character begins to reveal itself.
Join your host, Alaila Carroll, as she uncovers the key conversations that can help you identify values, emotional maturity, integrity, and long-term compatibility. You’ll learn how to ask the right questions, listen with intention, and recognize subtle cues that can either confirm your interest—or save you from future heartbreak.
This episode will guide you on how to move with wisdom, not just emotion, so you can build connections rooted in truth, not illusion. If you’ve ever ignored red flags too soon or felt unsure about what to look for early on, this episode is your blueprint for dating with clarity and confidence.

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Transcript

Why Second Dates Reveal Character

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Hey everyone. In this episode, I want to talk about second date conversations that reveal character. This episode continues with structured dating framework helping you move beyond first date impressions and start recognizing real character traits on the second date. Now, this is the part where you should start paying more attention to the person and the things that they are saying, what they're talking about, not just how they look. The first date, hey, we already know you're attracted to them. That's why you went out on the first date in the first place. Then you decided, hey, I think I like this person a little more, so I want to go on another date with this person. We're here now. So you on your second date, right? What do you do? What do you talk about? How you find out about the person's character? Everything that a person does shows you their character, it's just how you pay attention to it so you can gather all the information that you need to do your evaluation on them. Okay, so welcome back to Improving Your Thoughts by Freeing Yourself. I'm your host, Alayla Carol. This season we are learning about how to date properly, not Russian, not ignoring warning signs, and not allowing charm to replace discernment, which that's something that most of us do. In the last episode, we talked about what to talk about on the first date. Conversations that help you learn basic personality traits and decide whether or not that you want to see this person again. That's what the first date was about. Now we're moving on to the second date. The second date has a slightly different purpose. The first date answered the question, do I enjoy talking with this person? The second date begins answering a deeper question. What kind of character does this person have? Character matters more far more than charm. Charm attracts you. That's how they got you on a date in the first place. But character determines whether a relationship is healthy. Today we're talking we're going to talk about the purpose of the second date, conversations that reveal emotional maturity, questions that uncover values and integrity. And we're going to also talk about how to absorb accountability and self-awareness. Now let's

Character Matters More Than Charm

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get into it. What is the purpose of the second date? By the time you reach your second date with the same person, you already know a few basic things. Yeah. You enjoyed their conversation the first time that y'all went out. The person was respectful to you. They have to be in order for you to go on another date. If they were disrespectful to you on the first date and you end up going on the second date, shame on you. Do not give a person that second chance. They've already shown you their character in that moment. Okay? So let's not excuse it. Don't allow them to excuse it either by saying, Oh, it was just a bad moment. I was caught off guard. No, that is the person. They just showed you a glimpse of who they really are. If you want to deal with that kind of situation, then you go right on ahead. But I'm gonna tell you, I'm I'm here to help those who don't want to go through the chaos in relationships very early on, and then continue until you break up, and then you have these toxic relationships, and you're going back and forth, back and forth. No, relationships are not supposed to be that way. That is a toxic behavior that develops into an infection that is hard to get rid of. So let's not make excuses for that type of behavior. You also felt comfortable enough to see them again, and I hope that that's what the case is. So now it's time to go deeper. But deeper doesn't mean intense interrogation, okay? That's not for you to go through all that, it means learning about how they think and how they handle life. Character shows up in everyday decisions, how someone handles mistakes, how they treat people, how they respond to challenges. Rather, they take responsibility for their actions. Many people overlook these things because they focus only on attraction, but attraction without character often leads to heartbreak. The second date is where you start paying attention to how a person views life. This is where the real learning begins. Conversations about life experiences. This is what you're going to do when you go on your second date. You're gonna have these conversations. Remember the first date, I said don't bring up anything about your ex or anything, your past relationship. That is not the time to talk about that. I also told you that it's not the time to talk about any trauma, things that you went through that is heartbreaking. You don't talk about that either. But in the second date, you still don't talk about trauma, but you are gonna talk a little bit about some past relationships because now you're going to get a chance to view this person in a different light on how they are. Do they take accountability to for their own actions? Because in a relationship, it takes two people to make their relationship work and also to break their relationship. Now, you might say to yourself, Nah, only one person can ruin a relationship. That's true, but not a hundred percent true. You have another percentage in there where the other party plays a factor too. I'm gonna give you an example. So let's say that you are doing everything that you can

Non Negotiables And Real Consequences

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possibly do in your relationship. You you're a good girl or you're a good guy, you don't cheat, you're honest, you say where you're gonna be, you actually there. You say, Hey, I'm on my way home, you actually are on your way home. So basically, you're honest and you're not deceitful. You take care of business, things that you have to take care of, that's priority-wise, meaning that you take care of your children, you take care of your home, you make sure that your home is covered as far as bills and stuff like that is due. You don't, you don't, you don't wait until it's um basically you handle your business, you are literally a good person. Problem with that is that if you are with a person who is the opposite of that, who's always mischief, mischievous, doing a bunch of things that they shouldn't be doing, untrustworthy. I mean, I that the list just goes on and on and on, right? The thing is that what makes your part in this relationship a problem is that you enable them to do it, you allow them to do it, and a person will only do to you what you allow them to do to you. They won't do it if you put your foot down, if you say, uh-uh, I'm not having this, and you actually mean it. They whatever they're doing comes with consequences, and I mean real consequences, where you're like, Hey, I can't stay with a person who is going to cheat on me. So when they actually cheat on you, you leave them, and you really do leave them. You break up with them, y'all move and go your separate ways, and they feel the pain of your absence. Not this, oh, I'm I'm gonna go to my sister's house, or I'm gonna go to my parents' house and stay a week and let you come and beg for me to come back. That becomes a problem, and it becomes a pattern where they know, oh, all I gotta do is beg for her to come back, then that's what I'm gonna do. Then I'm gonna continue to cheat, but I'm every time that she packs her bags and leave, I'm coming to beg and she's gonna take me back. Don't develop those type of habits, do not develop that. What you wanna do is be firm about your non-negotiables firm and mean it and be prepared. You have to be prepared because a lot of the time, the reason why we end up accepting the person back into our life is because we're not prepared. So, another example of not being prepared. Here's the example of that. Let's say you move in with your significant other, y'all live together and y'all have accomplished so much together. Now, the problem is that they decide they want to go out and show their tail, they want to go out and and smell your own ass, basically. You know, they doing the most. And you find out about it, and you're like, that's a non-negotiable for me, is you out here hoarding around. I can't be with you. But the problem is that you're not ready to let them go because they are the breadwinner of the house. They the one who pays all the bills, they the one who makes sure that you you're eating. Don't put yourself in that type of situation, don't be vulnerable like that. Always have a way out. Always. Always have yourself set up in a situation where if you need to leave, you are able to do that. If you have to, please keep a job. Don't be like, well, I don't have to work. My man paid all the don't do that. I know how that is. I've been there. I've been there. My first husband, he paid all the bills, but he also controlled the money. So when I did get a job, he tried to make me lose that job. And it was horrible when it came down to me not being able to have what I needed when I want what I want. You know, I did hair, I want my hair done, can't go and get the hair that I want. I gotta ask him for money. Can you give me $300 so I can go and get some stuff to do my hair with? Why? You look good like that. I like your hair like that. I shouldn't have to negotiate my hair when I've been doing my hair since I was nine. These are the things I'm talking about. Don't put yourself in a situation where you are 100% depending upon your partner. Don't do it. You are setting yourself up for failure, and you will have to take them back every time they cheat on you, every time they call you out your name, every time they're disrespecting disrespecting you, every time they decide they want to start abusing you. Now, abuse is not just physical, it's also emotional, which that to me is is one of the worst kinds because you have to live with those scars for years on end. And even though the person can be gone out of your life, you still feel the effects of that person, the words that they use in the things that they've done to you, and you carry that inside until you get some healing. Don't do yourself like that. So, what I'm trying to get you to understand is always be prepared, prepared to be on your own without this person with you. Then, and only then you will be able to walk away from a situation that is not suitable for you. And basically, it is one of the situation when you figure out, hey, this is one of my non-negotiables, I can't do it. You, I will not do it, and that also will make a person wise up and learn to respect you and know that they can't treat you no any kind of way, then they sometimes, not all the time, but sometimes the person will get their act together when you mean business and stand on business and walk away from them, and they feel the absence of you, they have to feel your absence. And what I'm saying is if the person cheat on you or call you out your name, disrespect you, whatever, and that's one of your non-negotiables. So you got some people who can handle being cheated on, as long as they don't bring home a baby or something. You know, you got some of those people who say, Well, if you're cheating on me, I just don't want to find out about it. Keep it, keep it one of your well best kept secrets. Let it be one of those situations. Just don't let me know about it. They are okay with it, you know. But then the thing is that sometimes if that's just not it for you, if you're one of the people like me who can't handle that, I cannot handle a person out here playing around on me. We don't need to be together. We can we can be cool, we can be cordial, we can be friends, but we ain't gonna be together, and you ain't gonna be in me doing all those things because you're causing me to have a problem with my own mental health as well as my physical health, because you bring me home a disease which I have had that happened to me before, oh heck no, you know, I don't want that no more. I don't want to go through that pain of saying, if I would not have allowed this person to do me like this, I wouldn't be in this situation today. That's what I want you to know. So, if in a situation that you if you happen to be in one of those kind of situations where you're like, I'm okay with this, then that's fine. That's this episode ain't for you. This podcast isn't for you. This is for those who literally are sick and tired of the bullshit, like I'm tired of this. I need a real good relationship that is going to be suitable for me, that's gonna help me to understand that I am somebody and I am worthy of being with the right person who is going to appreciate me for who I am. I don't have to jump through hoops to satisfy them because, baby, let me tell you something: the person you're jumping through hoops for, they are not perfect themselves, and not only they're not perfect, they don't deserve you or anyone to jump through hoops for them. It's just about I don't care how much money they have, I don't care their status, I don't care about how they look, what they got, those are material things, and that will be vanished in an instant. All it takes is one bad decision, one bad investment, one bad accident, anything, and that's gone. So let's not even put value on those things. What you're gonna put value on is the inner person and the inner me, you and them. What is really going on, okay? So conversations about life experiences is what you're gonna have, okay? This is where the real learning begins. One powerful way to understand someone's character is to ask about life experiences. You might ask questions like what's one challenge you've overcome that help you grow? And I want you to listen carefully to their answer to that question. This answer reveals several important things about them. It reveals resilience because they are able to bounce back from setbacks. It also reveals emotional maturity. Have they grown from it? Because if they have grown from it, then how do they view what they went through? And it also reveals ability to reflect. Some people don't like to think back on things when reflection is one of the best things that you can do to help you to not go through the things that you went through

Life Stories That Expose Accountability

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again, but it also helps you to be on your toes, always prepared. It also helps you to be grateful, have gratitude from where you've been to where you are now. And if a person can reflect, that gives them the ability to have a militar humility, which will allow them to be able to understand that they are human and they have flaws and they're not perfect, and things worked out for them. And all although some of these things might be like, hey, I don't know if I really know if this person is giving me some real situation or whatever, it's okay. What you're doing is listening to what they're saying, okay. A thoughtful answer might sound like something like this. A few years ago, I struggled with balancing work and personal life. It forced me to rethink my priorities, and I did, so I was able to figure out what it was more important to me and what I needed to focus more on, and it gave me the opportunity to take off from work a little bit earlier instead of staying at work all day long. It was one of the best things that ever happened to me because now I'm able to enjoy my life. That's pretty good. This kind of response shows self-awareness, but sometimes people respond with blame. So, for example, this is another way that you can figure out if this person is self-aware or if they are putting the blame on other people. In this example, let's say they respond this way everything that went wrong in my life was because of other people. When someone blames everyone else for their problems, that is a signal of lack of accountability. Yeah, accountability is one of the strongest predictors of a healthy relationship. That is the way you can know if you're able to really be with this person if they know how to hold themselves accountable. I've heard so many people talk about their spouse, and they will say things. I'm talking about people who are in toxic relationships and people who are in unhealthy relationships. So you got toxic relationships and unhealthy. What's the difference between the two? Well, toxic is just full of drama, always some crazy mess going on. Unhealthy don't always have to be about full of drama. Sometimes it can seem subtle, things can be subtle, but still not good for your mental. You know, that's what I'm saying. That's the difference, okay? And I have heard people say things about their spouse, like you never she never takes accountability for herself. She's always never wrong. She always blaming other people. I'm always the one at fault. Every time something goes wrong, I'm the one that blame. Or I have heard people say as well, I'm quick to take the blame, but when she does wrong, she can't admit that she's wrong, she will not even try. That used to be cute for some people, but it's actually unhealthy. Because if you cannot see yourself and literally pay attention to your own actions and listen to the words that come out of your mouth because they form in your mind first before the action. Make sound before they echo out of your mouth. So you're you're telling me that you can't hear yourself, you're that blind and that deaf to see and hear you. That is not healthy. That is a person who is refusing to live in reality, and that's why their relationship will never be healthy. So conversations about personal values is what you also want to have. So we already talked about the other one. We talked about the um talking about conversations about life experiences. So now we're gonna move on to the next conversation you want to have. You want to have conversation about personal values, or how what is it that this person actually values in their life? And does their value line up with yours? This is very important because if not, if y'all are unequally yoked, this is where the equally yoked come in at. If you two have two different values in life, how can two walk together unless they agree? You cannot walk on the same plane, going on the same, and I'm talking about the same plane, not the airplane, plane, platform, and go in the same direction when you have two different values going in another direction. Like one person might see life as a place where you're supposed to be passing through, meaning that I'm I'm here to serve a purpose, and my purpose is this, this, and that. And I'm gonna do my purpose because I know this is not my stopping place,

Values And What Healthy Looks Like

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this is not my true home. I'm going to pass away and I'm gonna go on to glory. Then you got other people who got a value that say, Well, this is where I want to stay for the rest forever for eternity. I don't want to die, I don't never want to die, I want to be here forever, and they don't have value of seeing the afterlife. Well, no matter who have what, the thing is that are y'all two agreeing? Do y'all see it the way each other see it? That's why you gotta pay attention to this part. The second date is also a good time to gently explore personal values. Values guide how people make decisions in their lives without shared values, relationships often struggle long term. You might ask questions like, what qualities do you admire in other people? I want you to listen very carefully to their answers because if it's vague, like, oh, I like a girl who got a big butt, that is not a quality to value, that is not a value. That is a person who is cynical and need some growth. Do not continue with your next date, they need some time to grow because you're gonna do that's immaturity, that's just what it is. But if you hear something similar to okay, let's say their answers reveal that they want respect. For example, if they say honesty and loyalty, okay, we say these things all the time, especially as ladies, we'll write a list. I want a man who's honest, want a man who's loyal, I want a man who's faithful, want a man who is stable, I want a man who's gonna take care of me, I want a man who's gonna provide, I want a man who's gonna let me be myself. I mean, we got all these lists of things, right? But if a person says honesty and loyalty, especially if it's a guy who's saying these things, I want you to dig deeper into that. Dig deeper, all right, because that tells you something important. So I want you to dive deep enough into what kind of response is that because it could be only one-sided, and that happens so often in relationships. You might want to make sure that they give out. I ain't even say might, you need to make sure that they give out what they are asking you for. You want honesty? Are you honest? Are you an honest person? Okay, and of course, they're gonna probably say, Yeah, I am. You cannot take their word for it, you have to experience it. That's how you would know if this person is actually the way they are asking you for. Loyalty, no, you can't ask that question either. Are you loyal to you want loyalty? Are you loyal? You can ask, but it's not gonna give you the answer that you need. That takes experience, you have to experience these things to know. So the best thing to do is pay attention to how they are with other people, and that will give you an opportunity to see all this person keep their word. Because if they told their best friend they're gonna come to their child's birthday party, and they actually do. Okay, all right, that's a good sign. Now, let's say they tell their best friend, hey, I'm gonna come to the birthday party. You heard them say it, hey, I'm gonna go to my best friend's birthday party. Okay, then the date of the birthday party shows up, and you happen to be with them, or you're not with them, and they and you asked them, Hey, did you go to the birthday party? They made up an excuse. Well, I didn't really feel like going to that party, so I just told them I'm gonna go. Well, you're not honest and you're not loyal because you told them that you were gonna go and they actually wanted you there, expecting you to be there. Now, if you had an issue that came up, that's different, but you literally said you didn't feel like going, and that's why you didn't go. That is a good sign that they don't practice what they're preaching, they're not asking, they're not doing what they're asking you for. All right, those are ways you can find out. So you could also ask another question. Here's another question I want you to ask them until let's get down to the the values, all right? What does a healthy relationship look like to you? That's what you asked them. This question reveals expectations. Some people will say trust, communication, and mutual respect. How easy and cheesy can that be? Others might focus only on attraction or excitement. I like adventure saying I I don't want to go out, I want to go travel, I want to do all these things. Okay, hmm. A healthy relationship, a healthy relationship requires more than chemistry, okay? They require shared principles. Every relationship must have principles. You must have a baseline that you go by. What are your principles? So even God has principles. So if God has principles for us, you should have principles for your partner, for your mate, just as well as your household and your kids, okay? Not rules. Principles. See, rules is don't run around light. Okay, yeah, some people can do it and then nothing happened, but then eventually something will happen if they do it at the wrong time. But principles are if you break this principle, something's gonna happen guaranteed, no matter what, it's just gonna happen. So, what other shared principles do y'all have in life? Another helpful answer is what's something you're working on improving in your life? That is a good question there. Ask them that question. What's something you're working on improving in your life? That can be something like I'm learning to listen more because I have a tendency of cutting people off mid-sentence. I don't let them finish their sentence. They're talking and I have a thought going on and I want to get it out, so I don't let them complete what they're talking about. So I cut them off. And then they it says if they say something something like that, and then they end up saying something like, Well, um, I'm aware of that. I do that, that's a good value. That's good, that's a good character trait, too, because they're they know they do these things, so you don't have to fuss with them about them doing these things. So, for instance, from my husband, he does that. That's why I brought it up. He will cut you off in a mid sentence and won't let you finish. A lot of us do that. My mom does that, I have known to do it. But over the past few years, I would say seven years, I've been working on not doing that. And seven years is a long time, but what it is is that it's a habit that we form throughout life, especially as being kids. When you are being chastised and you want to talk, and your parents won't let you talk, or you want to get it out, and you end up cutting them out off, and then y'all, then it's like, what you're talking back to me? And it's like, no, no, man, no sir, not talking back. And you really want to get out what you want to say. So now that you're grown, you just blurt it out and you cut them off. That's why it developed the way it does. So, what I do, and I've been practicing, is to just let them finish and think in my mind before I forget what I want to say, what I'm actually wanting to say to them. And when they finish, and some people can be very long-winded, and I'm thinking, like, okay, I'm trying to wait until they finish. I can't get it, I can't wait no longer. So I would end up being like, Okay, I don't mean to cut you off, but I would like to say something. Let me say this, and then I can get it in. So if you can just say to them, hey, I don't I don't want to cut you off, I just want to say something real quick. That's a good way to get in without cutting them completely off and not hearing what they're saying. So if a person that you're dating says something similar to that or whatever, that they're actually working on that, that's good. Okay, emotional, emotionally mature people are comfortable acknowledging growth areas. People who believe they have nothing to improve may struggle with humility, and humility is one of the things that God honors, he wants us to come to him in humility. That's why when you come to him, you ask for forgiveness of your sins first. Before you start asking for all these things and you want to pray, pray for you pray and ask God to forgive, forgive you because you know you ain't right. So we all fall short from the glory of God. So, in order for us to be glorified to him, purify yourself by coming to him with humility. Well, that's the thing about a person who says they don't have nothing to improve. Every person has something about them that needs to be worked on. Whether they know it or not, they should know something about themselves. If they grown, if they are 20 years old, that'd be that should be something. 20 and older should know there's something about themselves that needs to be worked on. So, how they let's talk about this. How they talk about others, other people. This is what you want to find out next. How do they talk about other people? This is when I say you want to talk about your past relationships, you want to ask them questions about their past relationships, but you ask in a subtle way. You don't be like, hey, so why do you and your ex didn't work out? Don't go direct like that. Don't do that because that's gonna put them on the spot to make them cleanse up and tighten up and start getting in their feelings, whether it's good or bad. They're gonna be like, you know, that's a question everybody don't really want to talk about, unless they just want to vent and they want to bash or or very, very fresh. A very, very, very fresh. They just got out of the relationship. Those are things why you don't just ask that blunt question. One of the most revealing character indicators is how people speak about others during the second date. Listen carefully when they talk about their friends, their families, co-workers in past relationships. Are they respectful when

How They Talk About Other People

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they talk about these people? Or are they constantly criticizing someone? If someone describes every formal partner as crazy or terrible or toxic, that may indicate a pattern for that person who's talking. Healthy people can acknowledge past difficulties without attacking others. For example, someone might say that relationship didn't work out because we had different priorities. That's a mature answer, a mature response. It shows maturity. But if someone says, my ex run everything, and they start going on and on and on about the negative things about their ex, that what it does, it shows that they struggle with unresolved anger and issues that they need to go and work out. Without you, you can't help them work that out. Don't get involved relationship-wise with this person until they have gotten past that ex and the things that happen in that relationship because they will bring it into your relationship, and you would be actually you would be putting up with what happened in their relationship with their ex. They would be blaming you and taking it out on you. You don't deserve that. Okay, pay attention to their tone when they're talking, pay attention to empathy because if they don't have any empathy for a person, that is a tell sign that they are narcissists, that they have narcissistic tendencies. Character often reveals itself in how people talk about those who are not present. That's how you really know. How they talk about a person who's not there to defend themselves. So let's move on. Observing emotional regulation. This is the next step that you're going to be paying attention to, okay. Another important part of the second date is absorbing emotional regulation. You want to notice how someone handles disagreements, unexpected changes, minor frustrations. For example, if the restaurant gets your order wrong or their order wrong, how do they respond? You want to pay attention to how they respond into it. Are they nonchalant? Like it's not a big deal. So, like, for instance, my son, it's not the same, but I still want to bring it up. Yesterday, I've been trying to um get my child registered in a new school and everything because I didn't like the old school that he was in. They was they oh literally missed two grades on his report cards, two grades on his report. The report card before they would miss one grade. They missed one grade. How do you miss a grade? How do you not put a grade in? And that was social studies. And I was like, what did

Emotional Regulation In Small Moments

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he make in this grade? Um, what in this class? Why there's no grade here? And the teacher's like, oh, that's a mistake. I'm gonna have to I'm gonna have to correct that. Well, why did you send a report card home if the grade wasn't put there? It just makes no sense. So he corrected the grade, right? So this report card he got, the grades was all there, and he made a hundred in social studies. And I was like, that's even worse that you missed that grade, and my child made a hundred. Oh man, that was something I was a sight to see. I should have seen that when it was given out the first time, and then the next um, which was this past Friday, he got his report card and he made B's and A's and one C, I think. And I said, It's time to get you out to school. I don't like the way they are doing things, and I end up trying to get him registered to this new school. We went to go get something to eat before he was going to his new school, and my son don't like mayonnaise, he don't like any white stuff. My husband's the same way, he don't like any white, creamy stuff. They so he he liked mustard or whatever. Me, I like it all. I like mustard like mayonnaise, I like it all. I like ketchup, all that. I love sauce. So the burger had mayonnaise on it, and he was like, I didn't have time to stay and wait for them to correct this burger. We need to get you to this school. And the person, the cash, the person at the window, the driver window, he was messing up per. I mean, he was messing up, and I mean that he was messing up, he didn't give us a straw, he was giving us the wrong drink. I asked for two sprites, he gave me a Dr. Pepper, the Coke. I'm like, that's not what I asked for. And then I mean, even the the meal, he was just messing up. So my son got the burger. He was like, Mom, we got mayonnaise on it. My mom immediately said, I don't care, eat the burger. And he's looking like I don't want it. I said, baby, um, I spent my money on this and I can eat it for you. So you're either hungry or you're not hungry. Now, I said, we're gonna go ahead and take it back to the countryside of me. Take that napkin, here you go. Wipe the dang on mayonnaise off. It's not like you're allergic to it, you're not allergic to it. If you was in a big different story, I would turn back around and let them fix this burger, but you're not allergic to um mayonnaise, you just don't like it. Wipe the mayonnaise off and then go on for about your business only on one side of the bun, anyway. And I taught them a lesson. Hey, but that was my way of solving the issue when you're on a date. How did this person respond to the mistake that was made? You want to pay attention to that. So, do they become angry in something so small or whatever? Can you mess up on the order? Or are they do they stay calm? Because me, I normally will stay calm in a situation, but sometimes when you just want to go, that's different, and you want to pay attention to how a person actually is in those moments when they're on the go, when they are rushing, oh that rushing thing, people tend to just say things out loud, uh, and that can that can give you some glimpse and insight on who they are as well. Emotional stability is one of the most important qualities in a long-term partner. That's the reason why you want to pay attention to all these things. And begin in the beginning of a relationship, it's the most important part of a relationship because you're literally figuring out do I want this person in my life? Relationships naturally include challenges, you're gonna have them. A person who cannot manage their own emotions, doing small inconvenience, may struggle doing large problems, larger problems, okay. Healthy partners communicate calmly, they ain't yelling and screaming and all frustrated and making things all wall and worse. They express feelings without attacking other people, and they remain responsible and respectful even when they are frustrated. Person can't use I was frustrated as an excuse to disrespect you. Alright? Never let that be. So when you the first when the second date is over with, what are we gonna do after it's over with? Reflection after the first date. I mean, after the second day, we'll only The second date, I keep saying first date after the second date, you want to go home, or you want to wherever you are, you're no longer with this person that you on your date with. You want to take time to reflect, you're gonna ask yourself these questions. Did this person show self-awareness? So these are the questions that you had already asked them. So you got the answer. Did they show self-awareness? Do they take responsibility for their choices? Are they holding themselves accountable for the things that they've done, things that happened to them? Okay, and do they speak respectful respectfully about others who are not around? Do they value do their value align with yours? You want to ask yourself, hmm, do they values align with mine? Because my values

Post Date Reflection And Next Steps

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is that I really am here for a purpose, and I believe that. But how do they think, you know? Then you also want to reflect on this one too. Did I observe emotional maturity from them? The second date is where you begin evaluating character because charm can create attraction, but character builds trust, all right. So by this time you're done with your second date and you got the answers that you need, and it's time for a third date, or y'all to decide, hey, we're gonna go on a third date. So, how did this go? How are we gonna do this in our third date? Okay, you're still not boyfriend and girlfriend yet, you're still not booed up, all right? You haven't had sex, you still are trying to figure out do I want this person in my life? In the next episode, we will talk about third day conversations where this we're going to discuss the discussion, it will be about life directions, priorities, and long-term goals, and where they begin to merge with yours. Because what you gotta pay attention to is that we talk about these goals, and you can talk about them on your first date if you want to, just to have a filler into your conversation, but you want to dive deeper a little bit more into the goals, and that's what a third date is gonna be on. We're gonna get deeper into the goals of this person, what their goals are, what your goals are. Can they merge? Because you might want to go off and be a school teacher, or you are a school teacher, you want to continue to do that while they'd want to go and travel the world, and you're like, Okay, wait a minute. Um, I can travel during the summertime, but during school time, I can't do all that traveling, so you gotta see where the goals line up at, okay? Because you can't always just uproot your life, especially if you establish where you are at right now. Okay, these conversations help determine whether two people are moving in a compatible direction in life. Thank you for joining me today and improving your thoughts by freeing yourself. And remember, dating wisely means paying attention not just to what someone says, but to who they show themselves to be. I'll see you the next episode. Signing out, uh Layla.