Dear Parents (Part 1)

Dear Parents is a heartfelt and thought-provoking podcast that speaks directly to mothers and fathers navigating the delicate transition of raising children into adulthood. This episode explores the importance of letting go with wisdom, respecting boundaries in your children’s marriages, and understanding your evolving role in their lives.
Through biblical principles and real-life insight, this conversation unpacks why independence is necessary for growth, reflecting on the call for separation and order within the family structure—God first, then the marital union, followed by children and extended family. It also redefines what it truly means for children to honor their parents, shifting the focus from control to respect, love, and healthy boundaries.
Dear Parents is not about disconnection—it’s about transformation. It’s about learning when to guide, when to step back, and how to build relationships rooted in trust, respect, and spiritual alignment. 

Alaila shares a situation that happened recently, which made her change the way she approaches her mother and how she is going to deal with her from now on.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome back to Improving Your Thoughts by Freeing Yourself. I'm your host, Alayla Carroll. Today's episode is titled Dear Parents. This is a conversation that is necessary, overdue, and deeply important, not just for children, but for parents as well. So I'm talking to both the child, the children, adult children, and the parents of the children. We're going to talk about today in this podcast, letting go of your adult children. Staying out of your children's marriages. Understanding divine order. What honor truly means.

Why Dear Parents Matters

SPEAKER_00 1:23

Dear parents, 12-day reflection guide. And I'm going to give you that because I feel that it will help for the topic that we're talking about and your situation, your own personal situations. This episode is not about disrespect and is not about dishonoring your parents. What it's really about is alignment, maturity, and obedience to God. I want to share a story with you guys. I want to talk about the very reason why I created this specific episode. This particular episode. And also I needed a break because I'm going to start my next book. And so I'm going to be doing a little bit of the book and the podcast pretty much at the same time. But I have to get my next book started. My next book is going to be actually about season 10, how to date properly. I'm writing a book on that, but I'm going to basically elaborate a whole lot more in detail in that book. Just to help you guys when you want something in your hands to go by besides just listening to a podcast. And while I am doing that, of course, you know the adversary always has to interfere in my peace, my peace of mind, my process of me getting things together and getting things started. And he likes to use my mother

The Story Behind This Message

SPEAKER_00 3:19

in this way. And I've learned that in this situation, it's not really even about that. It's about me and how I handle the situation. So let me tell you the story of what happened yesterday. So you can have a true understanding why this episode is going the way it's going and why it is important for me to share this episode with you guys. So remember, I said it's not about disrespect, it's just for me to help anybody who is going through what I'm going through dealing with controlling parents. Okay. So, as you all know about some of the stories that I have shared with you guys about concerning my parents, my mother, my dad, and even with my brother and my own children in my own marriage. Okay. So in some of my past relationships, my past marriages, if you go through my episodes, you can hear bits and pieces of me talking about it. Well, I told you guys in previous episodes that my mother moved to Houston and she moved in with one of her sisters. The thing is, is that in the beginning of her, she'd been here for four months now. In the beginning of when she first moved to Houston, she was acting um pretty much distant, didn't want to go nowhere, didn't want to do anything, and pretty much making it uncomfortable for my aunt, but yet my aunt she hung in there and and continued to try to help her out. My mother is afraid to live alone. And matter of fact, she shouldn't live alone. Because even with her health condition and with her drinking, and and I say her drinking for those of you who don't know, my mother is an alcoholic. She don't want to claim it, but she is because the reason why I say she's alcoholic, because first off, she drinks every day. No, she don't start early in the morning, but she got a time period where she gets started. Once she gets started, she don't just have a glass or two. She drinks until she pretty much gets full drunk, I would say, pass out, those type of things. And let her tell it, she'll say, That's not true, I don't get drunk. But the thing is it's not for her to judge if she's drunk, it's for those around her to judge if she's drunk by her behavior. Her behavior says it all. So my

Alcoholism And Chaos At Home

SPEAKER_00 5:44

mom get belligerent when she gets drunk, intoxicated, full, and she gets to the point where she's talks a lot. She overly talks and she says what's on her mind. And majority of the time, I will say 90% of the time, not even 90%, 98% of the time when she's saying what's on her mind is not pleasant, it's very hurtful, and sometimes it's annoying. It's not even sometimes, all the time, it's annoying. I'm trying to say these things to you guys without making her look bad or disrespect her in any kind of way, but be truthful. And one thing I learned about the truth is that the truth is brutal, it hurts. But in order for a person to get healing, they must hear it in order to know that they have a problem or they have an issue. I have brought this up to her plenty of times about her drinking, and she goes into defense mode. That's another reason why I know she's an alcoholic, because alcoholics are always defend defending their drinking, they make excuses for it, and she does all those things. And she can't go without it. Because when she came to my home, she had an episode, and I talked about that episode in other podcasts, so I would not repeat it. If you want to hear it, go back and listen. So she had an episode at our place. I would just do a summary of it. And the episode that she had at our place was that it was Thanksgiving, and around this time she stayed in my place. She stayed and she she acted the food because I was ready for her to go home, and I told her that I need her to go home because the things that she was doing in our home, it was causing me and my husband to almost get into an argument. And we have never gotten into an argument at that particular time, and I didn't want to start our first argument behind her. And I was like, okay, she disturbing our peace, so it's time for her to go home. And my husband at the time was trying to keep his peace, but my mom went off on my husband, and that's what sparked me and my husband about to get into an argument because she went off for him talking to him about my past relationships and saying every time my daughter gets involved with someone, she forgets me, and I blame you for her not being there for me the way I need her to be there for me, and all those things. And it was just a a hot mess. And so she started acting so crazy that she started tearing up our home and um she was drinking. She was drinking during this time, and even leaving the refrigerator door open, and you know that spores your food if your refrigerator is open, and she claims she didn't do it, but the refrigerator that we have at the time, it beeps whenever the door is open. And so when I came home from work, I saw the refrigerator was open and it was beeping, and the front door was wide open. She was knocked out upstairs sleep. Her and my son passed out sleep while the front door downstairs is open. Not that it's just open, I mean it is open to anyone to walk in. And it's 10 o'clock at night, and the blinds was open as well, so people can look straight into the house as they walk by and they can see everything we have inside. If they wanted to come in and help themselves, they could have. And plus, she was upstairs, like I said, asleep, which could have caused them to shoot her in the head, shoot my son in the head, take our things and leave. And no one wouldn't even know it except for my camera showing me exactly what happened. It was just one of those things that I say, okay, it's time for her to go home because she went too far. This is too much. And she got so belligerent, so mad, so angry that she brack proc she practically tore our house up like a Tasmanian devil. Well, it caused me to not talk to her for three months, and it was the first time that it I had ever gone that long without talking to my mother. So that was not easy for me, but I had to do it. Now, yesterday we went through another episode, and this what ended up happening. So I told you guys that I had got my car broken into because of the rodeo. Went to the rodeo, I parked my car, and there was smashing and grabbing going on, and my car was one of the cars that got smashed, and they grabbed my mother's purse. So my car is a hashback. I don't have a trunk, so it's a back window, and you can look into it and see that the what's in there, and her purse was in there, and the purse she um had it in the trunk. Well, the hashback part, and they smashed and they smashed the window and grabbed the purse and left. They never went inside the car no other way because the doors were still locked, and that's how I knew that all they did was grab her purse and left. Plus, there was a camera, a police camera that was out there in the parking lot, and the police allowed me to review the camera, and we saw that's exactly what they did. Then they moved on to the next car and the next car, next car. The thing is that her purse was the only thing that was taken, and in her purse she had her passport. So, you know, me being the daughter that I am, I decided that okay, I'm gonna help you regain your passport. And we made the decision that we needed to go back to San Antonio

The Rodeo Break In And Passport

SPEAKER_00 11:05

to her house and pick up her old passport so she can use that to get her new passport because the old one had expired. And in the process of driving to San Antonio, now when I made this decision, I hadn't talked to my brother probably about two months, maybe even three months had passed, haven't talked to him at all. And come to find out the reason is because he lost his phone. And when he lost his phone, he couldn't remember phone numbers, so he didn't call me right away. Good thing that I sent him an email because I sent him an email with my phone number and his son's phone number, so that way he can get a hold of us whenever he did get another phone and he programmed everything. So he ended up calling me. By the time he called me, it had been probably a week going into us going to San Antonio to go and pick up her passport. So keep in mind I had already made the plans with my mother to go to San Antonio before I even talked to my brother. And I told my brother that, hey, no one is living at the house out there, so if you want to go out there to live, that's fine, because I asked him where you're staying at. He said he had been living in the hotel. And so his lease was up at his last apartment, and he didn't renew it, and he decided to just go into a hotel, and so I say, you know, these hotels are very expensive. I know

The House Plan With My Brother

SPEAKER_00 12:30

because I lived in a hotel for two years, and back then when I lived in the hotel, it was it was high back then, so I know the prices went up by now, so you can actually go and live in the house, and you will have to get the electricity turned back on as well as the water, but you won't have rent to pay. And he was like, I said, all I need for you to do is keep up the yard, just pay basically mow the grass and keep the yard clean. That is my only thing. Now, keep in mind the yard, the land is mine's, but the mobile home is my mother's. So I talked to my mother about it, told her, hey, this is what's going on, and she was excited about that plan. She was like, that makes me feel better because I know that if he's there, then I don't have to worry about squalors coming in and taking over. And as well as I know the house won't fall apart because it needs to be lived in, and then of course, you don't have to spend the money on getting the yard cut no more, and hey, it's a win-win. So that was the plan. And I was happy with that plan. And I told my brother, hey, this is what's up, and he said, Okay, well, first let me go out there and take a look at it and see if that's what I want to do because I don't have transportation at this time. He he had an um electric bike that he was riding on and he got stolen, and um some other things um happened, and I was like, Okay, well, what's gonna happen with your transportation? He said, I just get some new transportation, plus the VA has a shuttle that can come out here and take me to my doctor's appointments when I need to go to the doctor. I was like, okay, cool, because plus I did not mention that my brother's a double double amper T, both his legs are cut off, and he had to get his prosthetic legs and everything, and so he is able to walk with his prosthetic leg and all that. The thing is, is that I thought that was the perfect plan until things switched. Why did they switch? Because my mother had another alternative. Yeah, so when we got to San Antonio, on our way there, it was great going there to the point where we was playing music, singing to the music and all that, listen to some Shaka Khan, we listened to some um Atlantic Star and all the old school stuff, and just sing into it and everything. And get there, we get into the house. We didn't get time for her to go get her passport that day because the timing didn't didn't basically we lost track of time. And so, but we still was able to get her passport, and when we got to take care of some other business that she needed to take care of, I was running her around s the city so she can get it that taken care of. She got that those things taken care of. She asked me to take her to one of her hangout spots that she goes and drink at. And then keep in mind it is about one o'clock in the afternoon, right? And I'm like, okay, um, I knew she was gonna want to go there because she had mentioned to me that she wanted to go there before we even went there. But I realized that if I'm with her

San Antonio Trip And Drinking Spiral

SPEAKER_00 15:43

out there, she don't over-drink. But if I'm not with her, she she goes for the juggler, right? And my brother had contacted me on my way to go to this place that she likes to go hang out at, which is a a little club. And I was like, okay, that's fine. And I told my brother, how about I come and pick you up right now? And he was like, Can you come and get me at three o'clock? And I was like, Well, I was planning on leaving San Antonio at three o'clock and getting back to Houston before dark. But he was like, I'm not ready at this moment because where I want you to pick me up at, I gotta get to the location. And I said, Oh, okay. And my mom said something, and I had her I had him on the speakerphone in my car. So basically, not on the speakerphone, I had him on the speakers of the car. And so she can hear the whole entire conversation. And my brother was like, Who is that? I hear somebody in the background, and I said, Oh, that's mom. And he was like, What? I said, That's mom. And he's like, Oh, wow, wow, I kind of really wanted it just being me and you. And she took offense to that, like really took offense, like so mad, but she didn't say nothing at the particular time. She kind of stayed quiet a little bit. And when we got out there to her spot, I stayed there for a little while. Like I said, it's about one o'clock, so I stayed there a little longer, long enough to get close to the three o'clock point where I can go pick him up and everything. And mom started her drinking. She sh my mom cares oh, that's another reason why I'm gonna tell you how she's an alcoholic. She walks around with this big gallon of tequila in her purse with a cup. This is what she does. And I'm thinking, only a person who's a true alcoholic does this because you you literally carrying your liquor where you go. And that is a clear sign that you have an alcohol problem. And she she had it with her, and matter of fact, she had the alcohol in her purse when the car got smashed. When they broke into the car and got her her purse, it had alcohol in there too. A big old bottle. I think she said it wouldn't even open yet. So it was a brand new bottle. So who wouldn't take that if they're a drinker? So, anyways, um, to make a long story short, I'm not gonna go deep be detail by detail everything that happened. I'm gonna do is get to the bottom line of this. So, what ended up happening is that when we got to her place of where she likes to drink at with her her friends and stuff, her buddies, her drinking buddies, I was going to give it about an hour and I was gonna say, Come on, mom, let's go. Let's go pick up your son. But she was the one that suggested, no, how about you go pick up your brother? Because I'm pretty sure he's gonna want to run around and go to the store and do all those things, and then when y'all finish, you come back and pick me up. I didn't think nothing of it. I went on ahead and did that. I was thinking, well, but since my brother kind of wanted it to just be me and him, then alright, how about it be a win-win for for her and him? And I and I just go do what I gotta do so we can get back to Houston before dark. Now, keep in mind we did not make it back to Houston before dark at all. But um, I end up doing that to care of my brother. I went and got him another phone because he was calling me from another person's phone, and I told him, You're gonna have to have a phone out here because if something happened, how are you gonna get in touch with someone? You can't just go knock on the neighbor's door and ask to borrow their phone. You really have to have um a phone and everything, and let me go and get you one. And I went to go buy him a phone and get it activated and all those things. So end up getting back to my mom. Before I got back to her, I was going to bring her back to the house so they can just see each other and then drive back to Houston. He told me flat out, he said, I'm gonna go on a seven-day fast and I'm gonna start when you leave. I'm going to need my serenity and my peace. So I don't want you to bring her back here until the next time you come back to San Antonio. And I respect that. That's a boundary. And I say, you know, I understand where you're coming from. I'm not gonna cross that boundary. And I didn't tell him that I was going to be bringing her back over there. I think he discerned that because when he said it when I was thinking it, you know, and I said, Okay, that's a boundary. So I have to respect his boundary and not bring her back over there. And he said, So just tell her that I'm gonna see her the next time she comes back. And I say, Okay, fine. Now, you're probably thinking, what's going on with your brother and your mother? Well, think about it. If she's treating me like she treated me, how you think she's treating him? He's the oldest. So, yeah, it's some is it's a lot of deep-rooted issues from our childhood all the way to now that is that my brother has been dealing with. So, my brother and I, we are completely opposite when it comes to the way we live our lives and how we process stress and how we process our emotions. My brother is a Gemini, I am an Aries. Now, I usually don't go off of signs, but I do understand that it does play a part in a lot of people's personalities, you know. So I realized my brother can't handle stress, that's why he turned to drugs. Me, I didn't turn to drugs when I be stressful. I turned to God and I kind of turned to him so strongly to where I guess what I do. And then on top of that, my mom done some things to my brother in the past that she will not hold accountability, she will not take accountability for the things that she done. And I'm not gonna go down the family history or put all that out there, what she done, but I'm gonna tell you right now, the things that my mama done, you probably if that my mama done that to you and she was your mother, you probably wouldn't talk to her no more either. And my brother went five years without talking to her because of she was the one who called CPS Child Protective Service on my brother. Now I'm not saying that she was wrong, and I'm not saying that she was right. What I'm saying is that's what happened, and that caused my brother to take a downward spir spiral, which led to his strong struck drug addiction because your mother, in his mind, he said, portrayed me, and then your child gets taken away from you. Now that that ain't all she done. I can go all the way back to the first time my brother had a job and she cashed his paycheck and kept the money. Oh my god, he's working at McDonald's. This is his first time ever having a job. He was a teenager, and because their names are so close together, she pretended that it was a typo, and she used

Deep Roots Of Family Trauma

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the money because the check got mailed to the house, and she used that money, and he was hot, and she then oh, I keep going on and on and on about a lot of other things from how she even got the mobile home. My brother put the mobile home in his name, and she allowed it to go into foreclosure so she can switch the name to her name. Oh, we're not gonna go no further than that. It's a lot, he dealt with so much dealing with her, doing the things that she did to him, that it was damn near impossible for him to forgive her and still come around her. So he decided I just can't come around her no more. It's just one thing after another after another. And since he have had his prostate leg, and this is the last thing I'm gonna share about their relationship when it comes to those things. Since she, I mean, he had his legs amputated, and I have brought him over for Mother's Day, this past Mother's Day, and she kept saying it's been five years since she's seen her son. I say it ain't been five years, it's been a year. Matter of fact, it'll be a year on Mother's Day because that's the last straw to him. That was the last episode that you that you what you did to him and why you haven't seen or heard from him in a year. And what happened was my brother, so my mom told her side of the story, but my brother told his side of the story, and I listened to both sides and I realized, and I know how my mama is, she won't tell the story as is. She exaggerates enough to where it make it sound like she's not at fault. And she done that to me, she done that to other people, and she did this in this story too. And she made a a story saying that um she needed to get by, he was in the hallway in his wheelchair trying to get into the bathroom, and she needed to get by to the other room that was on the opposite side of him, and he wouldn't move out the way. They got into words, and my brother told her out of his mouth he had a dream about her, and in the dream she didn't survive. Basically, she was found dead in the house, and she didn't like that, and she got pissed off about that. Well, we can't control our dreams, first of all. And it was probably a real dream, and that's why I felt that it was trying to get her out of that house, because that was a message for me to say she can't be in this house by herself, we gotta get her out of here. So, to him, he didn't deliver the message in a peaceful way. So I do say he need he need I told him this. I said, You can't talk like that to her and expect for her to receive that message. So, anyways, her actions still don't excuse what he said. It just doesn't excuse what he said, it doesn't excuse what she did. Her actions that she took the chair that he was sitting in and yanked it to where he almost fell out of it and said something like to him about his legs, like that's why you don't have your legs, or something like that. And oh my god, it was just ugly. And then they got into a huge argument behind it, and she ended up taking him to the nearest bus stop. Now where they when my mom was living at, where she lived at. So you have to drive a distance to get to it. And so she just dropped him at the nearest bus stop and then got in her car and left. When she told me this story, and I heard her tell someone else's story, it was damn near like she was bragging about what she done. It's hurtful to hear your mother talk about her own child that way. And it bothered me, but I didn't say nothing to her about it. I kept it to myself. I didn't tell my brother what she said, I didn't say nothing to nobody about it. I just basically, I think I did tell my husband about it and I told my aunt about it. Yeah, so I did say something about to someone about it because I felt that it was wrong and I know how my mom could be. So my brother, for years since that happened, haven't spoken to her or even came by to see her, and he told me I'm not ready to see her yet. I get it. You have every right to feel the way you feel. I understand. And then the thing is the fact that he keeps trying to make men's and in and fix the broken relationship they have, that's enough within itself. So what ended up happening is that my brother told me out of his mouth, he said, you know, if she was just to take accountability and own up to what she done, we can squash this whole thing right now and move on. But because she keeps stacking one thing after another after another, and then she makes excuses and says she didn't do anything wrong, I can't take that anymore. So before I dishonor her and disrespect her or do something to her, I have to stay away from her. And that was enough said within its own. But my mother, on the way home from San Antonio to Houston to get to her my my aunt's house was a total of three hours, and I had to listen to my mother for three hours screaming in my ear about my brother, screaming, and not only about my brother, about me, and then about my aunt, and about it, my cousin, and about my other aunt, and she's everybody is picking on her, and she's playing the victim and all this stuff, and I'm just letting her talk to the point where I couldn't take it no more. So I ended up taking my phone and I put it on YouTube, and I picked a video that was talking about pr actually, I didn't even know what I picked, I just happened to pick the first thing I saw and in that video it was talking about taking control of your mouth, taking control of your emotions, holding yourself accountable. I mean, pretty much almost everything that was going on and it was speaking directly to her. I put it on because I needed something for myself to calm down because I was getting to a point where my emotions were starting to boil over because I was getting tired of hearing her screaming in my ear. I couldn't hear the sound of the road or anybody that's passing by or whatever. All I hear is screaming. Who can take that kind of stuff for three hours? And I mean, literally screaming at the top of your lungs, and everything is about you and what people doing to you, and that you don't deserve this, and how awful we are as children, and and and all these things, and how disrespectful we are, and I mean, then sh she's staying with her sister, and her and she sleeps on the couch. The couch is a fold out, has a fold-out bed to it, so it's one of her hideaway beds, and how she don't like sleeping in the living room. I gave up my place to come leave and sleep in a living room, and then talking about, but see, my aunt has a

The Three Hour Car Ride Meltdown

SPEAKER_00 30:29

two-bedroom, and my aunt told me I was gonna give her the second bedroom. The only problem is that my son is there, and I was gonna have my son sleep on the couch, but it just so happened that she ended up sleeping on the couch, and my mom's talking about how my aunt closes her blinds and her curtains at three o'clock in the afternoon and it's dark in there, and and I've been to my aunt's house and I've seen the curtains not closed at four o'clock, five o'clock. I've been there and I'm like, she just exaggerating, like for real. And I've been there several times past three o'clock, and her blinds are open. That's how she be watching me pull up because I'm like, every time I pull up, she comes right out the door, and I'm like, You see me, you looking out that window. She said, Yeah, I'm always looking at the window. So even with that, I was like, okay, so it's just so much of this excuses. And I say, Mom, is that all you have to complain about being over there at your sister's house? That you sleep on the couch and that she closes the blind at three o'clock. And she was like, Yeah, because I can't be in the dark. And the doctor told me that I can't be in the dark because that messes with my depression. And I shouldn't have to be in the dark. And I don't need to be sleeping on the couch. I need a bed to sleep in. Okay, keep in mind, she says she can't sleep on the couch and she needs a bed to sleep in. So the night before we went to San Antonio, I went to her sister's house to pick her up and have her come stay the night with me. Now keep in mind, I told you I just moved, right? And I got brand new furniture. So I have a brand new sofa, all that stuff. And I haven't even slept on the couch yet. And my husband haven't, no one has slept on the couch yet. And she had my son ask me, can she sleep on the couch? And I said loudly for her to hear, so my son don't have to go and repeat it. No, she cannot sleep on the couch because it's a brand new couch, and I don't want no one messing it up right now. So it ain't even a month old. So let it become a little more worn, then I'll be okay with her sleeping on the couch. But as for right now, she needs to sleep in your room. Plus, I have two couches. I have another couch in the other room that I'm actually sitting in right now and talking to you guys. And I'm like, she could sleep on that couch if you want to sleep on. That's an older couch. And or son, you can sleep on that couch and let her have your bedroom. Either way it goes, no one's sleeping on that brand new couch. Now, my brand new couch is a boneless couch. So you know that's comfortable for those of you who have sat on those kind of couches before. It's like sleeping on a bed, like a mattress or memory phone, right? I don't care. You're not sleeping on my couch. And I felt like that to me is a um disrespect for my home when you know that you just told me you don't like sleeping on the couch at your sister's house, but you come to my house and want to sleep on the couch. Why? Because it's brand new. What's going on with that, right? So today my aunt called me because she said my mom is still talking about what happened yesterday on our way home, and she asked me, What did your mom sleep at? I said she slept in the bed with my son, and she was like, Oh, really? I say, yeah. I said she she wanted to sleep on my couch, and I told her no that she's gonna have to sleep in the bed. And my aunt was like, Wow, that that is um very interesting because before you came to pick her up, she was talking to me. She said, She said, Okay, she was talking to me about you better not have her sleep on the couch. And I was like, Really? Because she asked my son to ask me. And I said loud and clear, she cannot. And then I came in the house, because I was down, I was in our garage when I said, I came in the house and I told her to her face, Mama, you cannot sleep on the couch. You're gonna sleep in the room with Junior, or Junior can sleep downstairs on the other couch that's in the other room, or you can sleep on that other couch if you want to sleep on there, but no one's sleeping on my brand new couch. And she's my aunt say, Oh my god, she sat here and she complained about you better not have her on that couch, and that she needs a bed to sleep in, and all this. She said, Now this is just pure evil. And I told her, I know. Now you took now you guys are seeing a clear picture of the reason why this is just really too much here. And you know, like I said, the whole way home she was screaming in my ear, and you know, the thing about that is that while she was screaming, my car started acting up. And I have n never had car problems before. And I always go driving to San Antonio because I don't always want to fly because I work and that's what I do or fly. And I'm like, it'd be quicker, easier for me to just drive and use my car to get around the city instead of having to get an Uber and pay all this money. We know that the gas prices have gone up, and I mean, really, it used to cost me $30 to fill my car up. Now it's cost me $50 to fill my tank up. And I had to fill my tank up to get to San Antonio, drive around San Antonio, which um put my tank at a pretty much a quarter of a tank by the time I was ready to come back to to Houston, and I had to fill it back up again, which was another $50. And I didn't ask for no gas money, none of this. I'm doing her a favor. She's the one who needs to get her passport, and I'm doing her a favor and everything, and I'm doing this out of love as well. And so while I'm doing all these things, she's talking about I don't do nothing for her, and that um, and and while she's saying these things, she's also screaming in my ear, talking about fuck you, and fuck your brother, and I mean I'm giving to you guys raw. I mean, she's saying all these things, right? And I'm like, wow, and this ain't the alcohol, you cannot blame it on the alcohol. Anytime you blame someone on the alcohol, that is your excuse. Because drinking like that is not a disease, it is a choice that a person is consciously making. I am going to get drunk today. Because you don't have to take that sip. You can go get the help that you need if you're not strong enough, but you're refusing to help, you're refusing to admit that you are an alcoholic. You see the signs and you're still denying it. So at this point, I can't

Manipulation Hits A New Level

SPEAKER_00 37:22

be what you call, I cannot be um sorry for you, you know, especially when you got started in your late age of doing this. So you you're not young finding out for the first time what alcohol is capable of doing. So it's just too much. And as she was doing all that screaming at me and cursing me out, I'm driving. And I can't run away, I can't hang up a phone on her, I can't do none of that. It's almost like I was trapped. And she's telling me, I'm not finna stay at your at my sister's house any longer, I'm going back home. And I'm I say, This was your plan all along. This was your plan. You wanted to get your son in your house so you can go back. And that's not right. Because, and I told her, I said, This is not right because you should know that he's not ready to see you at this moment. And if you just drive your car back to Houston, I mean San Antonio and be in the house with him, y'all gonna argue, y'all gonna fight, and then you're gonna drive him away again, and he might not come back for for sure this time. I don't care, I don't care. That's my house, that's my house. Ain't nobody gonna enjoy my house without me. And ain't nobody finna do this and do that, and I this is not gonna happen, and I'm uncomfortable. Oh, and I gotta sleep on the sofa, I gotta um be in the dark at three o'clock in the eight in the afternoon. What? What? This is what I gotta do while someone enjoy my house. And I say, do you hear yourself right now? You and I and your son talked about this already, and you said this was a great idea because you don't have to worry about someone squatting in your house, and that it gives me the opportunity to not have to pay for to get the grass cut, the yard mowed, and you know your son is safe. Like, what is the deal? I said this was a setup all alone. And she was like, So you telling me, so you're telling me that I can't go back to my house. I can't go back to my house. I mean, yelling, you guys. And I'm like, that's not what I'm saying. I'm telling you that you need to give it time. You need to let it play itself out. Talk to your son over the phone, have conversations, build the relationship back up so he would be comfortable with y'all two interacting with each other again. And she's, I got wisdom, I got wisdom, I stubborn, and I mean all this stuff, right? And and so I don't want to keep telling you every single detail about what happened, but what I want to give you is that when my car started acting up, this is when I realized that enough was enough. And what was really the true situation here. When my car started acting up, it started making this tractor trailer sound in the engine, and it was tapping real, real loud. And I've been through a tapping situation before because I had a car that had oil leak before, and I needed to put oil and all those things in it. So I I understood that I that it probably was that, but I wasn't quite sure because like I told you, I have never had issues with this car before, and I done had this car for four years, so I'm like, okay, well, I need to find out what's going on. And while I'm trying to hear the sound of the car, my mother is screaming still. And I'm like, Mama, can you please be quiet so I can listen to the sound of my car and figure out what I'm hearing? And she's still yelling and she says out of her mouth, Yeah, that's what you get. The reason why your car is messing up is because the Holy Spirit don't like how you are so disrespectful to me. And I say, Are you for real right now? Are you seriously? That is what's coming out of you. I say, Thank you for showing me your heart. Because the reason why I'm even on this trip is to help you out. I don't see you driving your car to come to San Antonio and take care of your own business. I left my husband and my son and my dog at home while I'm out here with you. And I'm out here with you trying to help you out, and this is the thanks I get. You ain't doing nothing for me. You ain't doing nothing for me. I say, Oh, I'm not. No, you came down here for your brother. I said, Mama, you gotta remember that this plan was already in motion before I talked to him. I haven't talked to him in three months, and this was already planned during the three months that I haven't talked to him. I had recently talked to him a week ago and talked to him about this, and you and I both had talked together

Prayer, Divine Warning, And Letting Go

SPEAKER_00 42:31

about the this plan. So for you to sit here and say that I didn't come down here for you, that is a straight lie. It is a lie, and I'm not appreciating how you're making me feel right now. How I'm making you feel, how I'm making you feel. I'm hurt, I'm hurt. Your mother is hurting, your mother is hurting. Do you even care that I'm in pain? I said, Mom, everyone's in pain. Everyone's in pain. I'm in pain. The world is in pain. Trust me, I can't cater to your feelings, I can't fix your problem. I'm trying to help you ease some of this, but I can't do it for you. It takes you to do what's necessary and do the work to get yourself together. And so I decided, okay, maybe I need to take heed to what is really happening because I never had car problems before. Maybe, just maybe, is not the car problem. Maybe it's something else divine. So I tested the theory, right? For myself. So I prayed. While she was still screaming and going on, I prayed. And I said, God, if this is a lesson for me to learn, then please get me home safely. Don't let my car completely stop running to where I can't get home. Allow me to get her back to her sister's house and get my car back in the garage without it breaking down. 100% because I have thrown a rod before, and I know once the engine is gone, it's gone. And I say, Okay, let me go and get some oil. I need to stop at the next convenience store, and let me get there. I say, if this is a test, if this is a test, then allow me to be able to have what I need to get home. And I kid you not, you guys. I seen the convenience store sign, and I seen a McDonald's, and I seen Butaburger, and all these other signs. Those are the signs that I saw. So I got off the road and I thought it I took the turn to pull into the gas station. And when I took that turn, I saw an old Riley's auto part right behind the gas station. And I just started laughing. I started laughing out loud. I was like, God, you got a sense of humor. I said, Oh my goodness. I say, Thank you, father, for letting me know that I'm just being tested right now. And because of that, when I get this oil and I put this oil in the car, let the tapping doors stop. Because I need it to stop. If that's what the situation is. If that's the problem that's making this car tap, let it stop. So I end up going into the O'Reilly's, get there. When I get inside, I I um was able to get the oil that I need because my oil takes a specific type of oil, my car takes a specific type of oil, which is the W20. I mean, which is the Zero 20W, and it doesn't take the any other kind, it gotta be synthetic. And I couldn't just, I didn't want to just put on any kind of oil from the gas station because we know they don't carry synthetic like that. Some might, but I most of them don't. And I needed an auto part store to make sure I got the correct one. And for that to be available for me like that, I oh my god, I just knew that was a God. Oh man, I was so happy. And when I got out the car to go get my all, my mom did not get out the car to she didn't say anything to me about, hey, do you need some assistant or nothing? She immediately got on the phone, called her sister, and started talking about me to her sister. And I can hear her because she talks very loud, her voice carry, and I'm sitting there like, this is a ain't this about a bee that she can do me like this. And I'm and God is showing me, He said, Look, this is what you're dealing with. Do you see the heart that she's carrying? You know, she's under the influence, but this is not what's happening here. What's happening is that she truly is angry, and she's angry with you, she's angry with your brother, she's angry with her siblings, she's angry with everybody, and now this is what the manifestation looks like. She don't care, and you have to make a better decision on stop trying to be her savior. You're not me. I'm the only one who who can help her in this situation. I need you to get out of it. I told you this once before, I will not tell you again. Get out of it. And so I'll say, God, I hear you, I hear you loud and clear. I'm gonna step back, I'm gonna step back, I'm gonna leave it alone, no more, and I'm gonna try to rescue my mother from her troubles. And so when I was able to finish and close the hood of my car and drive off, the tapping noise still was kind of tapping, it was still making that noise until I drove a little bit further down the road and then it got quiet. And I was like, okay, cool. So as I was driving home, now I'm on my way home. She's still going off. No, she didn't stop. You guys, she started right back up. And so I put the music, I mean not the music, I put the uh another meditation, not meditation, what is another motivational speaking on, and it was still talking about um controlling your emotions and all that, and I turned it up blasting as loud as I can turn it up, and she was like, You are so displaced back, four. You I know what you're trying to do, you're trying to drown me out, and so she took the volume and turned it back down. And I said, I'm the one driving. I need peace while I drive. I cannot drive in all this crazy noise that you're screaming in my ear. I said, Listen to yourself. You are literally screaming at me, and I haven't done anything to you. I have been helping you this entire time, and you can't even see that. You are refusing to see that. And I am tired of trying to help you when you don't care. You taking advantage of me. Oh, I'm taking advantage of you, I'm taking advantage of you. I said, Yes, you are. You have been taking advantage of me for years. You know what you're doing. I said, you sit here and you talk about your sister, you talk about your nieces, you talk about me, you talk about your uh your other child, your son, you talk about your grandson, you just gossip about us. You make us like we're the bad person when we're not the bad person, but what about you? What have you done? Why can't you take accountability for the things that you've done, that you're doing even right now at this moment? You are causing a problem that can cause me to get into an accident. And I could be the one die, and you could still be alive. And would you feel sorry about that? No, you wouldn't. You would make up an excuse about it to make yourself feel better. And I said, that's the reason why I've made up my mind that I'm washing my hands with you. I am going to leave you alone for a very long time. I'm gonna take a combatible and I'm gonna focus on my family, on myself, and I'm gonna pray for you, and I'm gonna pray for you, and I'm gonna consistently pray for you at a distance because you don't want no help. You don't want help. You are being so evil to me for no reason. You can't blame it on the sickness, you can't blame it on the alcohol. This has been you way before all that happened. This is just intensified, that's all it did. It just intensified it. So I'm done. I'm gonna obey God, I'm gonna do exactly what he told me to do, and that is it. I have to leave you alone, and I'm gonna leave you alone to the point where I am okay with the outcome because my biggest fear is that your ass ended up dead in your home alone, and I could have done something to help you, but I tried, and your sister tried. We have tried, and you still fight us. I'm human just like you are, I got feelings just like you have feelings. I have pain just like you have pain. I suffer just like you suffer, I'm going through something just like you're going through something. Just because I don't broadcast it and I don't sit there and moan about it, complain about it, and weep about it, doesn't mean it ain't happening. I'm just choosing to deal with it in a better way. And because you're not choosing to do that, I can't help you no more. And no one is gonna make me feel guilty about my decision because it comes from God. And that's how I'm gonna end this podcast and we're gonna get into the nitty-gritty of why I am creating this for you guys. If there's anybody, I mean, absolutely any one of you who is dealing with a controlling, manipulated, narcissistic parent, this next episode is for you. Do not miss it.