The Strong Person's Silent Burden (Episode 1- Part 1)

In part one, The Strong Person's Silent Burden, we ask a painful question: who checks on the strong one? This episode is for the caregivers, the leaders, the ones people lean on, but few truly see. If you've ever wondered why strength feels lonely, or why asking for help feels almost impossible, this episode is for you.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 1:17

Welcome back to Improving Your Thoughts by Freeing Yourself. This is season 11, you guys. I'm excited about this season. This is something that is going to be very personal to me. Why is that you say? Between the last episode that I did of season 10 to right now, I've been through a transformation. And it might not seem like that long, but I really have been through a transformation, you guys. I had to learn something about myself that I already had it in the back of my mind, but now it's at the forefront. It moved its way to the front of my mind. And I have to say, yes, you might say, Well, it's about her mother again. Yes, it is. But I'm not gonna get into deep conversation about her. What I'm gonna do is try to keep it off of her in this season, but I am gonna share just this little part. So I did two episodes right

Season 11 And A Hard Reset

SPEAKER_00 2:33

after season 10, and both of those episodes was called Dear Parents, part one and part two. So I explained what took place during the time what made me even come up with that episode in the first place, because I was going through something with my mother. Now to continue on with that, to be continued with that part, it went on for quite some time, even after I had dropped her off at my aunt's house. I took my dad to Africa, yeah, and I took my husband and my son. We flew there on my flight attendant benefits, benefits and everything. But the thing is, is that my mother got jealous, like really, really mad about it. She even tried to stop us from going. You probably think, how's she gonna stop y'all from going? Hmm, let me tell you what she did. So she pretended that she was really sick. She was at my house, matter of fact, before I before I even go any further than that, she was at my house. During this time, while she's at my house, I was gonna take her to my aunt's house, but my aunt was out of town with their other sister, which is both my mom and my aunt's older sister. They went, she went out of town with them, so I couldn't just take my mom directly to my aunt. So I was letting my aunt know I need to know exactly when you're coming back because I already have this plan, this trip planned to go to Africa with my dad, and you you already knew about this. So she was like, Oh, I'll be back in time and all that. And I was like, Okay, so the whole time my mom was at my house during this time after all that yelling and screaming in my ear that she had done when she was, you know, when I was driving from San Antonio back to to um Houston, I was just I was in a a a funk. I wasn't quite myself, and I'm glad I did not do the podcast during those times because I couldn't even focus if I wanted to. I couldn't focus. I was so wrapped up in in that and all that shenanigans and stuff that was going on to the point where I started looking for a nursing home to put my mother in. Like literally, I was I was looking for one. And I told my mom, we're gonna have to find some alternative because you can't go back to San Antonio, you're you are not even allowed to go back there because the adult protective service people showed up at her house, and they was like, She can't stay by herself, and not only that, um, I end up getting conservativeship over her. So now I can make the uh rules and stuff, even though I try to put my mom in the best situation that I can put her in that would also give me peace, and I don't feel like um I've done her wrong or anything like that because I do have a big heart and I don't want to feel that way. So my mom takes advantage of all that. She really does. She will take advantage of your kindness if she can. And and she might in her mind think she's not taking advantage, but she she does. She does that to me. My aunt told me she only does that to you, she don't do that to no one but you. It's not fair that she does that to me. I don't like it. And I had to put my foot down with her because during this time, while I'm sitting here arguing with her, fussing with her, trying to stop, I'm in my bedroom and I'm relaxed. And it's just me by myself. My husband, he's you know, at the gym and everything. And out my my left side of my breast started hurting, and I was rubbing it, and I found a lump. And it scared the freaking mess out of me. And I was like panicking, like, God, please tell me this is not what I think it is, you know? And I'm sitting here struggling with that in my mind. So when my husband came home, I asked him, can you feel this and tell me what you feel? I didn't tell him what it was, I just wanted to see what he was gonna say. So he fell on the side of my breast and he felt, he said, it felt like a lump. And I was like, dang, I really wish that it wasn't. So I'm like, you know what? And he saw that my husband saw it saying, like, don't worry about it, don't panic. It might not be what you think it is. Let's go get checked. And I'm like, okay, I'm gonna get myself checked. So in this time period where I'm sitting here considering myself and my own health issues, I'm dealing with my mom and and the things she's got going on. During this time, I don't know if I should tell her or not, but I really wanted to see if she was gonna soften up if I told her. If I tell her, this is the things that went through my mind. If I tell her, will she soften up just a little bit? Because she is so hardcore when it comes to me, and I can't take this anymore. I need some softness from her, especially being my mother at this particular time. I need a mother's love, and I wasn't sure how she was gonna, you know, take it. So to make a long story short on her, because I'm telling you, I would not be bringing her up too much anymore in this season. I don't know about season 12, but in season 11, I'm gonna make this season about you guys, but I'm gonna be also coaching myself while I'm talking to you guys. So, anyways, um, I decided not to put my mom in a nursing home. So, me and her agreed that we was gonna find her an apartment to live in in our hometown because my dad is living there, so we also have a bunch of relatives and cousins and all that that lives there, and even some of her high school friends and stuff like that. So people know her, know her. So there's no reason for her not to be there, and she agreed, and I was like, this is gonna be perfect then. So now she still have her independence and she'll still be able to be watched, and someone will be able to watch her. And my dad had agreed to go and watch and go and spend some time with her and stuff like that. But before all this even got to a blowout, because it did blow up, I'm gonna tell you, it blew up really bad. But before we even get to that blowout part, when I'm helping her to find an apartment, we found one. I filled the application off for and everything. With her income, she did not qualify for her to be able to get the apartment because she don't make three times what the rent would be, so they asked for a co-signer or whatever. I a mini-ly said I wasn't gonna co-sign, like I'm not a co-signer, I'm putting my name on nobody's stuff ever again in my life because I've done that more than once, more than twice, more than three times, more than four times, and only to get the back end of the deal where they screw up, don't pay their payments, and then I end up having bad credit because of them. I finally fixed my credit, my credit is looking good, and she wants me to use my credit to co-sign for her and plus my income. And I was like, no, I'm not gonna do that. So she flipped out on me, like literally flipped the hell out, called me a bitch, told me to kiss her ass. I mean, all those things, and keep in mind at the same time, I'm still dealing with this situation that I found a lump, and I'm sitting here like, wow, this woman, she's so nasty to me, and I don't even know how to explain the feeling that I have in this moment right now. So I tell her, I say, Mom, I have my own issues, and the last thing I need to do is to be considering doing other things that I know for sure I shouldn't do because you're not gonna be real I'm not gonna be reliable to pay your rent if you don't pay. I'm not gonna do that. And then I told her, I said, look, I I have a medical situation, so I went on and told her. I said, you know, I found a lump on my um left side of my breast, and I'm really nervous about it, and I don't know. And then she, you know what she tells you know what this woman told me? She turned and looked me directly in my face, and she said, Go to heaven with that. And I boy, I blew up. I blew up. I said, You gotta get the hell up out of here. I can't do this no more. I said, and I say that's that's just pure evil that you could sit here and say that kind of stuff to me. I'm your daughter, your only daughter, and this is how you treat me, and I have always been there for you no matter what. Even when I didn't want to, I was still there for you. And all I need is a mother love, and you, this is what you do to me, this is what you say to me. So I end up taking her to my my aunt's house as I was taking her, whatever. She acts like she's sick. Oh, I need to go to the hospital, all this stuff, you know. Trying her best to keep me from being able to go on this trip to Africa. I mean, it's a bunch of stuff that went down in that. Yes, me, my husband, my dad, and my son, we we got to Africa anyway. We sure did, and we had a great time, and it was fun. And of course, when I got back, she's telling everybody that I dropped her off at the hospital like a dog and left her there. And my aunt ended up making it back in time that she went to the hospital and sat with my mom, so she wasn't completely alone. But I did get the opportunity to get my mom to get the baby city. I did not have to co-sign for her. God worked it out. No one had to co-sign for her. They gave her that apartment with even though she did not make three times the amount of rent. The manager went on ahead and approved it. And and I did, I prayed on that. I was like, God, you know I cannot co-sign for her. And no one should be put in that situation that they should co-sign for her if she decides to break her lease, especially when in her mindset, I got my own house, I can stay in my own house. I don't want her to go back to um San Antonio in that house and break that lease, and then the person who co-signed for her is responsible for that. That's not fair. So I prayed and I was like, God, work it out to where the manager softened the manager's heart since she's the one with the final decision. Let her make the decision to say yes. And she did. She made the decision to say yes. My mom is in that apartment, she's doing well. I brought her over some furniture, like not really like furniture, furniture, basically a few things that she can use to sit on and um some dishes and stuff like that. And basically trying to help I took her to the grocery store so she can have some groceries. I gave her one of my TVs so that way she won't be without television. And you know, basically just trying to still be a daughter, but at the same time, put her in a place where I don't have to have her in my space anymore. Because she did come out of her mouth before she moved into that place asking, can she move in with me and my husband? And I told her, no, not with the mindset that you have, and the attitude that you have, and the heart that you have. You can't live with us. You will end up destroying my marriage, and I have to protect it at all costs. And that's just the way it is. And so my dad, what I basically, and guess what? My dad lived right around the corner from my mom. They're both in walking distance from each other, they can walk to each other's apartment if they choose to. So she does have someone that's gonna be helping her. My dad volunteered. I didn't ask him, but he he volunteered. He said, you know, that's my ex-wife. I'll go ahead and spend some time with her and check on her and make sure she's good. Take her to the store until she gets her car fixed and all that. I was like, okay, daddy, you do what you gotta do, but I'm letting you know. Leave me alone. Like, leave me alone. Don't come calling me all the time. If y'all get into it, I don't want to hear it. So, anyways, with all that being said, God allowed me to take a break from being the strong one all the time. He had put someone in the position to help out, and that helps me so much. And it does feel good to know that I'm able to release some of the load that I had and someone else to help carry it. So I want to give you guys um a scripture first. Before I want to tell you the title, if I haven't said it already, I'm gonna say it again. The title of this episode is called Who Checks on the Strong One? Episode one, part one. The strong person's silent burden. Yes, we keep things in. So I'm gonna give you a scripture, and the scripture that I want to give you guys is this one here, this one that it kept coming to my mind, and and now I understand why, because it felt so good when I was able to release my worries and my burdens on to God, and He helped work it out. And this is Matthew chapter 11, verse 28, and it says, Come to me, all you who are work who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Man, that scripture came to life for me. Yes, it did, it came to life. Not only came to life, it made me feel so great to see that God heard my prayers and and to see him in action on my behalf, because I do try to do the best that I can in the strength that I have, but I'm only human, it's just one person. I'm only one person, you

The Question That Changes Everything

SPEAKER_00 17:32

guys. So I have to make sure that I don't spread myself thin. So and I'm gonna help you guys who are out here. You are the strong one, you helping everybody. But who helps you? Who's checking on you? Who can you talk to? Hmm. So let's get into it, okay? Welcome back to Improving Your Thoughts by Freeing Yourself. I'm your host, Alayla Carroll. We're back in the action. Yes, we are, and I want to begin today's episode with a question that I hope you'll sit with for just a moment. The question is who checks on the strong person? Not the person everyone assume is struggling, not the person who openly asks for help. I'm talking about that one person that everyone depends on, the one who always answers the phone, the one who also finds a solution, the one who keeps smiling, the one who keeps giving, the one who keeps showing up, the one who everyone says you figure it out, the one who checks on everyone, but who checks on that person? If you're listening today and you've become the strong one, then I want you to know something before we go any further. I want you to know that I see you. Yes, I see you. You're not alone, you're not alone. No, you're not. This season was created for you and for me. Not because you're weak, but because you've been strong for so long that people forgot that you are human. Yes, they've forgotten about that. Strength. Let's talk about strength, right? I want to talk about strength because strength can become a poison. People don't realize that. I didn't even realize that. I thought being strong was the way to be because I had to grow up this way with a parent that didn't show much affection, with a parent who didn't always tell me that they love me. I had to grow this way. So I just want you to know that strength can become a poison though. It can. Have you ever noticed something? The stronger you become, the less people ask you how you're doing. Think about that. Just think about it for a minute. When someone has a reputation for always handling everything, people naturally begin believing they don't need help anymore. That is a that's a real common thing, you guys. You become the dependable one, the responsible one, the mature one, the reliable one. And while those are very beautiful qualities to have, they also

When Strength Turns Into Poison

SPEAKER_00 21:36

slowly become a prison for you. People uh stop checking on you because they assume you've got everything handled. That's what they do, they don't mean to ignore you. Many of them truly do love you. They simply believe you'll be okay because you've always been okay before, and they probably would tell you that. Well, I just thought everything was fine with you because you always know how to handle it. Every time a crisis comes up, you you you seem to be so strong and well put together. So they assume that you're fine, but uh strength doesn't erase emotional human uh uh feelings, it just doesn't. You still feel strength doesn't prevent heartbreak, strength doesn't eliminate loneliness, strength doesn't stop grief. Strength doesn't keep uh tears from falling. I had to learn that. Let it fall, let it flow, let it out. One night I cried so hard, you guys. I couldn't even stop myself for crying. I wouldn't even understand. I was like, why is I'm crying like this? And I understood my my inner spirit kept saying, Because you've been holding things in for so long, let it go and let it out. Because strength doesn't make you weak when you're crying, you don't because strong people still hurt, strong people still get discouraged, strong people still become overwhelmed, and that's what's been happening with me. I'm overwhelmed. I'm at that point now. I'm overwhelmed, can't take it no more. I had to say that out loud to my aunt, and I also said it aloud to my husband. I say, I'm overwhelmed, I can't take this no more. My husband's so protective of me that he gets mad when I tell him I'm gonna go do something for my mom. He's like, No, you'd have done enough. And then and I'm like, you know, even though I've gotten to a point where I am discovering this side of me, it's an awakening too. And now I know. How to not allow it to overwhelm me. I back up. I tell her no. And I mean it. And I stick with it. And I don't waver in it. And then she gets mad. She wanna get angry. She wanna have an attitude, scream, holler. I let her do it. And then I block her for so she can't text me all that crazy stuff or call me on my phone and hear it and put it in my ear. And when I'm in her presence, I say, Oh, it's time to go. Let's get up out of here. You know, and she've even she even noticed it too. Because she mentioned it to my son. She was like, Your mom don't even stick around to even talk to me like she used to. Nah, I sure don't. Because this relationship gotta be rebuilt. And it gotta be rebuilt in a way where we both are able to have some positivity in this. Not just one person getting their way by I'm being drained and sucked. And I mean, like really sucked. No, we're not gonna do that. Because strong people still need someone to ask, How are you doing today? So I had a flight student yesterday that I'm working with. He asked me how I'm doing. It's funny. I normally would say, I'm fine, I'm good, and go about my business. But I I had the Holy Spirit say, Don't say I'm fine, don't. And so he really wanted to know how I was doing. I haven't flown with him in probably a year. And he was like, What's been going on in your world? Like, talk to me. And I say, Oh, you really want to know? He was like, Yeah, I haven't talked to you, I haven't seen you and flown with you in years. And so I said, Well, I'm not gonna lay no heaviness on you, but I'm gonna tell you right now, I've been going through some stuff, man. I mean, with my mom, and I'm I'm like, you know, finally got her to get to my hometown. I'm explaining all those things, and it's been I've been able to release some things, discover some stuff about myself. And he was like, dang. And then I even went on to tell him, hey, I'm designing shoes and bags now. I gave him a brochure, he was able to see it. He was like, Oh, I like this here. Ooh, those shoes. Oh man, I'm gonna get online and start ordering right now. I was like, really? He's like, Yeah, as soon as we get on our break, I'm gonna start ordering me something. I like these, and I was like, okay now. But he listened, and that's all we really need is someone to just listen sometimes. Let us vent sometimes, you know? It's good to be able to listen to someone vent to you, but who do we have to vent to? You know? So let's talk about the strong, the masks strong people wear. Because we do wear masks, and a lot of times people don't even realize that we're wearing a mask. This is the very reason why people are so surprised when a person they consider to be strong commits suicide. Because we carry so much and we hide ourselves from the world to where we don't let that person or anyone see our pain and our struggles. We don't want to feel like we're weak or that we can't handle it, or matter of fact, we don't even want to feel like we're helpless, and and everyone comes rushing to you because you because we're unsure if the person is genuinely there because they really want to help, or are they secretly gloating that we're actually needing help, and that's why we keep so much in. Many strong people become expert of wearing emotional masks, not because they're dishonest, no, it's not because we're dishonest, not at all, it's because we don't want to worry anyone else. That's the main reason. How many times have you answered this question? When

The Masks Strong People Wear

SPEAKER_00 28:15

someone says, How are you doing? Do you use two words like I'm fine, I'm good, I'm okay? When deep inside you are exhausted. Sometimes we answered we answer that question way before we even try to explain anything. Because we don't want to explain anything, we just want to just move on past the question. And sometimes we we answer in that way because we're tired of explaining. We probably already explained it. So now we don't want to do it again. So we just I'm fine, I'm fine. It gets to that point sometimes. Or I'm good, I'm okay. And people just go about their business, like, okay, and and you gotta admit, you gotta admit, sometimes people don't want to hear it. They don't. They be like, I don't want to hear all that. But you also gotta realize who you're talking to. Who are you actually talking to? Because if you know the person you're talking to isn't a good listener, don't explain it to them. If you know the person you're talking to is a gossiper, they're gonna go back and tell your business, don't explain it to them. But if you feel safe and that person who you're talking to is a safe person to talk to, then go ahead, explain it to them. Tell them how you're really doing. You'd be surprised how good you're gonna feel when you release all that inside of you. And sometimes you might even have to cry. Sometimes because we also answer in that way because we don't think anyone really wants to know the answer. Now, there are some people who are really like that, they really don't want to know the answer, but sometimes we also are convincing ourselves that we the only one needs to know about it, and that's not good because our problems aren't important if we don't make it important. You hear what I'm saying? We think that other people's problems are more important than our own, so we don't tell people about it when we actually should. And instead, what we do, we smile, we laugh, we encourage everyone else, and then we quietly carry our own burdens home with us. Recently, one of our pilots committed suicide recently, and I was in the van with the other pilots and the other um flight attendant, and the pilot showed me a picture of the guy. He said, Do you remember him? And I said, Yeah, I've flown with him before. He said he killed himself last night. I said, What? What? He said, Yeah, he went home after he flew his his plane his flights, his plane, and he was what the story I got was that he was on the phone with his wife, his ex-wife, well, his wife, they was getting a divorce, and he shot himself. I said, Oh my god, you know. I started thinking about all this. And I said, We are really seriously hurting out here. Very much so. A divorce don't really cause you to want to kill yourself, it's other things that add on top of that. That the divorce is the nail in the coffin, it's the one that pushed you over the edge. So that means he was going through a lot of things way before that point, and this is why I say that we need to tell people. We need to talk, we need someone to talk to, someone to

Suicide Shock And Why We Must Talk

SPEAKER_00 32:26

listen. So I'm gonna start something new. I want you guys who actually need someone to talk to, go to imagingcoaching.com and go to the discussion form, pick any one of those, I'm in all of them. And if you need someone to talk to, uh the group forms go into those where it says group and just talk. I'm gonna read them and I'm gonna respond to you. Okay? It's free, it doesn't cost you a dime. But I would like you to do me a favor though. I want you to tell me that you listen to my podcast, and that gives me the insight that y'all are listening to me. Even though I know you do because I see the numbers and stuff, but I would like to know that you are one of them. I don't want you to be hidden in the crowd, okay? I don't want you to hide yourself. So let's get out there in the open and be seen. It's time to be seen, it's time for people to see us for who we actually are, not for what we do. Can I ask you a question though? Can I ask you something? Just because you carry your burdens well, I want to tell you. This is actually, I don't want to ask you the question. I want to tell you this. Just because you carry your burdens well doesn't mean it isn't heavy. I'm gonna say this again. Just because you carry your burdens well doesn't mean it isn't heavy. That's what I have to come to the realization that is it is heavy, and the more it's other things keep piling on top of it, the more my back slunks over, the the less I can stand up straight. You get it? So let's talk about why everyone assume that you're okay, because we're not okay, but yet people assume it though. People assume that you're okay because you're they because you have seen basically not just you, they have seen you survive difficult seasons in your life before, but they have no idea what the process was like for you, they don't even have a clue what you went through in the process of your crisis. You just look good on the other side, but they don't understand the ugly that you had to endure in it. But because you survived it, they like, oh well, she's good, he's good, they're great. No, no, no, no. What is what is really happening is because they are going through their own struggle, and they haven't come out the other side, like you have. So they're thinking, like, well, that person got it going on, so let me ask them for help, and let me keep asking for help and keep dumping my problems on there on them, and then they don't have a clue that this is heavy for

Why People Assume You’re Okay

SPEAKER_00 35:43

you. What they also, the reason why they assume that you're okay is because they have watched you overcome heartbreak. See, me, I have had heartbreaks before, and people have watched me overcome them and keep on moving. Mm-hmm. They have seen you rebuild after disappointment. Yeah, disappointment after disappointment. They see you start over and continue to keep going because they are not capable of doing it for themselves yet, or they are capable and they just refuse to rebuild for themselves. That's what's going on. Also, they've watched you get back up after losing things that would have crushed someone else. Like, man, if that happened to me, I would be devastated. But then you yourself, you the strong one, you just keep on moving and you just rebuild. You know, I'm talking to myself and I'm talking to you because I'm you. I am you. So they begin believing that you're indestructible, forgetting that you're human, you have flaws, you have feelings, just like they do. But surviving something doesn't mean it doesn't leave scars. I have scars, you guys. Yes, they healed, but they still showed that there was something that injured me in that spot. Sometimes the strongest person and the strongest people are simply the people who've learned how to hide their pain better than anyone else. That's what it is. We have learned how to hide. I remember many times when I'm going through, when I have been going through, I was just staying quiet about it. And I wouldn't talk about it to anyone. Not a soul. I would talk to God about it, but I wouldn't talk to a human. I just you wouldn't even know that I was having problems. But it somehow, some way, I will overcome them. And then time passes, and then someone is going through something, and they would come to me, not knowing what I've been through. They just see that I I overcame something. I look better than I did before. And then they start wanting dump stuff on me, and I would pick up their burden when God told me not to. That's not my burden to carry, it's his. And then I will help them with whatever problem they have, and then they look at me and say, hmm, I can come back to her again, and then they come back to me again, and then again and again. I'm like, whoa man, when you're not gonna have a problem that you keep coming to me about. I don't have a problem with you talking to me, so I can help you find the solution, not me find the solution for you. And that's what my business is about, imaging coaching. It's about helping you find the solution, not me doing it for you. I can give you tools, and you can use those tools. If I need to shut off a water valve, I don't use my hands to do it. I have a tool to do it with. That's what I do. I give you the tool. That's what this podcast is all about. Me giving you tools, and these are free tools that I'm giving to you. Okay. Now, my business, if you come to me for coaching, it's not free. If you need some one-on-one, real hands-on, it's not free. You do have to pay for the service. But I'm very reasonable, I'm not like charging you prices that you can't afford. But you gotta be willing to want the help and do the work. Because strength often looks like calm on the outside while chaos is happening in the inside. Let's talk about being strong. You know, what is actually being strong? What is it? Because being strong doesn't mean you don't need help. One of the biggest lies strong people believe is this. If I ask for help, people will think I'm weak. That's not true. Where did we learn that from? I don't know where that came from. I can't explain that one. Was it the world that you that you know sometimes they have these slogans I hear or these cliches? Is that is that what it is? Who decided that asking for help is failure? Even Jesus accepted help. I had to learn that when I was reading the scriptures. Jesus was asking for help. Yes, he did. Simon carried his cross because he couldn't do it anymore. The disciples walk beside him.

Redefining Strength As Receiving Help

SPEAKER_00 41:34

So if the son of God accepted help, why do we believe we have to do it all ourselves and that we have to do everything alone? Why do we believe that? Because that's not true. Strength isn't refusing support, strength is knowing when it's time to receive support. Like I mentioned in the introduction of season 11. Even a therapist needs a therapist. Cuz when y'all dumping all your stuff into the therapist, that therapist gotta find somewhere to put it. They cannot hold on to it. Even a rescuer, a person who is rescuing someone, needs to be rescued too. They need someone to be there just in case they slip and fall, going on a cliff to get you off of it, or on a ledge where you're about to commit suicide and they're coming up there to save your life. They need help too. That's why they have a rope tied around them, just in case they actually fall with you. They they will at least still be alive. Hopefully they can keep you alive too. Even the person who's doing CPR needs someone to take over and continue CPR for them so they can give their arms a rest while they wait on the paramedics to come to try to revive you. You see what I'm saying? You see what I'm going with this? We are not meant to be in this world carrying everything along. We're meant to share. Yeah. And that's why God says, Cast your burdens on me, and I will make your yoke light. I will give you rest. You see what I'm saying? So I want to give you a personal reflection, something that you can think about. I want you to think about these things here. I'm about to share with you. Maybe today you're driving to work, maybe you're on the airplane headed to another city, maybe you're sitting at your office, maybe you're folding laundry, maybe you're preparing dinner for your family. Everyone around you think that you have it all together because you don't share anything, you don't you don't let nothing out the proper way though. But beside that, what is happening that you're tired, that's what's going on, you're tired. You're just you're not physically tired, you know. You're actually emotionally tired, mentally tired, spiritually tired. You've been carrying responsibilities that nobody even knows about. No one knows about it. You've been making decisions that affect other people's lives, you've been solving problems before they become a crisis, you've been

Reflection Questions And A Way Forward

SPEAKER_00 44:52

holding everyone else together, and somewhere along the way, you forgot that you deserve care too. So today I want to remind you no matter what's going on in your world, not because of what you do, not because of how much you give, not because of how many people depend on you, you matters, you matter, you matter, you matter. All right, you matter because you are a child of God, your worth was never tied into your productivity, it was tied, and it's it is tied into who you actually are as a human being. You're a child of God. I want to give you some questions to reflect on. I want you to think about these questions. I'm going to I want to ask you. As we pause for just a moment, I want you to think about these questions. Number one When was the last time someone truly asked how you are doing and waited to hear the real answer? Think about that for a moment. When was the last time that ever happened? Number two. Have you become so accustomed to being strong that you no longer know how to say I need help? Yeah, have you oh man, that's something that for me to be pondering on. Because I have become so accustomed, very accustomed. I don't ask my mother for help. I haven't asked my mom to help me in over 20 some years. I have not came to her and said, Mama needs your help with something. I I haven't. When I said back think about that, I haven't. Now I went to my dad. Yeah. I went to my dad and asked him because I knew that he would do it without giving me a hundred and one long speech. He would just say yes when you need me. My mom, she's gonna go through all this extra and extra and extra and extra. And be like, okay, I can't, I can't even hear. I'd rather not have the help than listen to all that. Sad but true. So, number three, question number three, I want you to think about. Have you been carrying burden, burdens, in silence because you're afraid of disappointing others? I know I have. A lot of times I carry my burden in silence because it's not about disappointing someone. It's mainly because I don't want to feel like I'm helpless. That's the main reason. Like I don't want to feel like you gotta do something for me. I remember one time, oh my goodness, I didn't have no money. I was waiting for my check. And this is before I got the businesses and all that. I was waiting for my check. Matter of fact, this is the reason why I started my business because I got tired of being broke and waiting on the paycheck. And I was talking to my my best friend, she's my sister. I called her and I was just talking about random stuff. Nothing that I talked about that I needed for her. Didn't even tell her I needed anything. I was just rambling. And I told, I remember saying, girl, I am hungry and I don't even have no money. I'm sitting here working and flying these flights. I gotta eat the food that's on the plane, and this is not good. I am starving, you know? And she was like, sis, you ain't got no food. I said, No, I am hungry. But I kept saying it because I really was. And she was like, girl, give me your cash app. I'm gonna send you some money right now. And I was thinking, like, I wasn't asking you for no money. She said, I don't care. I don't care. You ain't finna sit here hungry. You taking care of all these people. Who taking care of you? I was like, that is so true. And she was like, give me your cash app. And so I gave it to her, and she sent me money. And thank God, because that food was good. That food was good. So I had to learn to stop not asking. And I don't even know why I was telling her that. It was just coming out. It was coming out. Sometimes the Holy Spirit will speak through you. And if you don't speak up, sometimes the Holy Spirit will speak up for you. And I believe that's what was going on with me at that particular time. So perhaps the most important question of all I want you to actually think about is when was the last time you've gave yourself permission to simply be human? That is the most important question. I need you to ask answer for yourself. Don't rush through these questions now. Don't do that. I want you to sit in them, sit in them quietly and just think. Sometimes healing begins the moment we are honest with ourselves. I want to encourage you, I want to give you guys some encouragement because it's not easy doing the things that we do for others. It's hard to be the strong one all the time. It's okay sometimes, but all the time, come on now, all the time, come on. As we continue with our conversation, because this is what I'm gonna be doing. I'm gonna have a conversation with you guys. I'm not just coaching you, I am talking to you because I see you. You don't need someone coaching you, telling you what to do and how to do things, you just need someone to talk to you, someone who can understand you and really know the heart of what is going on inside of you. So as we continue with these conversations that we're gonna have in season 11, we're gonna be talking about something many many strong people know also well. Yeah, all so well, all too well, really. The experience of becoming everyone's emergency contact. That's gonna be the next episode part two. Also, we're gonna talk

Boundaries, Season 11 Preview, Movement

SPEAKER_00 51:33

about everyone's problem solver. That's who we are. We're everyone's problem solver. We're gonna also talk about everyone's safe place, like we're the place where people feel safe, and that's not a bad thing at all. None of the stuff that I'm telling you is bad. What it is is that we have to learn when to cut it off, when to have balance with this, and we also gotta have boundaries. And I'm gonna talk about all those things with you guys about boundaries because I talk about boundaries in all of my stuff, all of my seasons. I we I talk about it because it is so important to have. That's the main reason why my mom is lashing out at me because I have put up boundaries when I didn't used to have them. I have put up boundaries and she can't get past that wall that I got up, and I don't want her to because that's my boundaries, that's where it stops at. And you can't go no further than this, okay? That's what I that's how I look at it. You can't go no further than right here. So you're not able to cross over the threshold, okay? It's like vampire diars. You gotta ask permission and get my permission to enter into my home. And I'm not giving you that kind of permission. So you gotta stay at the threshold of the door. Yeah. Even though you probably can try to throw something in, but you're gonna miss me every time. Because I'm gonna dodge it. And that's what boundaries are. Don't let them cross these boundaries. And we're gonna talk about all that. So why while quietly wondering who your safe place is, because this is what we do. We quietly try to figure out who is the person I can go to to talk to. You know, who can I bounce off some of my issues with? If this you who I'm talking to, I want you to tune in to every episode that I have in season 11 because you're gonna get some awakening. I am going to awaken you up to a spiritual arising that is going to change your life. Because I believe that today's episode and all the rest of the episodes that I have is going to penetrate your heart all the way to your soul. I don't want you carrying none of this stuff with you anymore. None of it anymore. And if this episode resonated with you in any kind of way, and you know anybody, I mean absolutely anybody who is the strong one, even if they pretending, because they are, I'm telling you, they are pretending that they okay, because that's what we do. Send them the link to season 11. Just send it to them. Every time you listen to one episode, send them the link and tell them, hey, I'm here, girl. I see you guy, I see you, dude. I see you, I see you. And then tell them just listen to it. Let's get this movement going because this is not just an episode or podcast or season. This is a movement. It is time to change our perspective of being just a strong one where everyone comes run to and put their problems on us. I bind suicide, I bind loneliness, I bind helplessness, I bind isolation, I bind it in the name of Jesus. We're going to live our lives like we are supposed to. We're supposed to be free. Jesus said when he came, he said, I came so they may have life and have life to the fullest. How can we have life to the fullest when we're carrying everybody else's weight? Jesus said to pick up your cross. He ain't talking about picking up everybody else's cross. You just pick up your own cross. Not your mama, not your daddy, not your brother, not your sister, not your friends, not your co-workers. Your own cross. And then he said to cash your burdens on to him. He will give you rest. And that's where we're headed at right in this season. Right now, season 11. We're headed in a new direction. We are improving our mind, improving your thoughts by freeing yourself. Until next time, I'm signing out. Layla. Godspeed.