It's Okay to Need Someone Too (Episode 1 - Part 3)

Being the strong one doesn't mean you have to carry life's burdens alone. In Part 3 of Who Checks on the Strong Person?, we break the myth that asking for help is a sign of weakness. Together, we'll explore why so many strong people struggle to receive support, how past disappointments can make us afraid to lean on others, and why God never intended for us to walk through life by ourselves.

If you've ever felt like you had to have all the answers, hide your struggles, or pretend everything was okay while carrying the weight of the world, this episode is for you. Through biblical encouragement, practical wisdom, reflection, and a healing activity, you'll discover that true strength isn't found in doing everything alone—it's found in having the courage to let someone walk beside you.

Remember, needing someone doesn't make you weak. It reminds you that you're human.

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Transcript

Welcome And Why Help Feels Hard

SPEAKER_00 1:16

Welcome back to Improving Your Thoughts by Freeing Yourself. I'm your host, Alayla Carroll, and today's episode is Episode 1, part three. The title of this episode is It's Okay to Need Someone Too. So we're gonna talk a little bit about needing people and being able to accept the help that others give to us without feeling ashamed and without feeling uncomfortable. So in part three, we're gonna have a conversation that many people have waited to hear. I mean, it's been years that most people don't even talk about this conversation. Every now and then you will hear people say something like, it's okay to accept help from others, but to literally sit down and have a whole episode about it, that's what I'm here for. So if you've been carrying someone else's burden, I hope you're that you will begin to realize something. By now, the last two episodes that you got to hear, I'm hoping that you are beginning to hear the realization of what's really going on with you. Okay? Because you were never created to carry everyone else's burden by yourself. Whenever someone comes to you, they're coming to you to vent or maybe ask for help, but there's something inside of you that don't know how to say not now. I'm not able to listen to this at this moment. I'm not in the right headspace, or not now. I have some personal things going on with myself that I really need to attend to. I'm sorry, but I can't really listen to what you're trying to ask me or tell me, or not now. I don't have the ability to give this to you right now because I need it for myself. Those are the things that you should be able to come to a realization about, alright? Because, like I said, you was never meant to carry everyone else's burden all by yourself. Somewhere along the way, many strong people begin believing a lie. And the lie says, if I ask for help, people will think I'm weak. Or do I want to bother anyone? See, we so used to getting help from everyone, I mean helping everyone else, but we don't help ourselves when we should by asking others for help. I mean, come on, think about it. People are bold enough to come to you for help. You should be bold enough to go back right back to them and ask them for help. Now I understand why you probably not doing that. I'm I I can get it. I get it, I do. There's many reasons that can go into that. The reason why you don't go to them for help, even though they're bold enough to come to you. You know, or maybe somebody, maybe it's this part. Nobody helped you before. So you say to yourself, I figure it out by myself, because no one ever helps me anyway. Hmm. This is why you have to make a

Stop Carrying Everyone’s Burdens

SPEAKER_00 5:11

list. And I'm gonna talk about I'm gonna talk about the list of that I want you to do. I'm gonna give you an assignment. And somewhere in the end of this podcast, I want you to make a list. And this is how you're gonna be able to start realizing who actually is there for you and who you need to start saying no to and winging yourself away from them. You could do a cold turkey and just ghost them, but it would probably be nicer to just slowly wing off. That way, they don't really feel the pain of you just leaving and start getting all in them in their feelings about oh, you just oh, you just too good, you don't talk to me no more, that kind of stuff. It just sometimes gradually over time, not talking to people eventually helps out a whole lot better. So, can I tell you something? I want to tell you something. Those thoughts that you're feeling about no one will help me, or I should just figure it out by myself, those thoughts may feel true to you, but they're not true. They're not the truth, okay? They're not your truth, your story that you can continue to live with. It's time to make some changes. Let's talk about why drunk why strong people don't ask for help, because we don't always ask, but why? Why don't we? Many strong people stopped asking for help because of disappointment. Maybe there was a time when you reached out, but nobody answered. Maybe you trusted someone and they let you down. Maybe you shared your pain and someone judged you for it. Perhaps you learn as a child that showing emotions wasn't safe. Cause sometimes that's what it is. So you became independent, self-sufficient, resilient, responsible. Those qualities, yes, they're good and they and they help you to survive. But survival isn't supposed to become your permanent way of living. There is a time in your life when you should be able to relax. There comes a time when survival should turn into healing. It's time to just heal, okay?

Disappointment Creates Self Reliance

SPEAKER_00 7:57

Now let's talk about the strength of not being able to understand when the absence is needed. So strength is not just the absence of the need that you have in you. Think about your favorite tree. It's a strong tree. It looks very strong and sturdy. Its trunks is thick, its branches stretches towards the sky, but beneath the surface, that tree has roots. And that is what I'm trying to help you get to. You need some roots. Who is going to be your roots? Those roots, what they do, they receive water, nutrients, support, and without those unseen roots, the strongest tree eventually falls. The same goes for us. The same truth, it applies to us. The strength the strongest person, yeah. I don't care how strong your back is, even the strongest back breaks.

Roots Matter More Than Appearances

SPEAKER_00 9:26

It could break. The strongest person needs encouragement. The strongest person needs friendship. The strongest person needs prayer. The strongest person needs rest, and needing support doesn't make you weak, it makes you human. God never intended you to carry everything alone. That's not how it's supposed to go. Throughout the scriptures, God consistently worked through through communities. Like he always had someone, like when he sent the disciples out, he sent them in pairs. He didn't send them out one by one, he sent them out two by two. Because he knew that you're gonna need somebody to support you, you're gonna need help. I mean, Moses had Aaron, David had Jonathan, Ruth had Naomi, Paul had Timothy, and Jesus had his disciples. Even in the Garden of Gancivity, Jesus invited Peter, James, and John to stay near him during one of the most difficult moments of his earthly life. He didn't isolate his hisself from everyone, he invited trusted people. Yeah, he did. Even Matthew, he invited trusted people into his pain. He already knew he was going through it and what was going to happen. So if Jesus allowed others to walk beside him, why do we believe we have to walk every road alone? Some roads have people already there waiting on you. There's two types of people that are waiting on you down every road that you are going to go through and that you're going to walk down. You got some of the people who are going to be there to carry you when you fall. Because you're not going to be able to make it the whole route on your own. So they're going to be there to lift you up and carry you to the next road. Then you got some people who are going to walk with you, like literally beside you, and go through that particular road with you. On that road with you. Then you're going to have those who are going to try to stop you from going on that road, finishing your journey. It's up to you to discern who these people are. And you can tell them by their character. Because Jesus said you can tell a man by his character, by the fruit that he bears. So the way they act, the things they talk about, how they make you feel. And I'm not talking about temporary feelings that can come and go. I'm talking about literally your spirit, what it feels when you're with that person. You know when the person isn't right, and you also can tell when the person is right. Those are the type of people that are going to be walking down that journey. And you have to figure out which one is there to walk this journey with you. You're not going to ever walk a road alone unless you push people away. Unless you're telling people, I don't need help, I got this, I'm okay. Go ahead and finish doing what you're doing, and I'm going to keep walking. No, because when you continue to walk alone on this road, what's going to happen is that a storm is going to come. You ain't going to have no backup. In every storm, what do they tell you? Have an emergency kit ready. Don't they tell you that? With hurricanes, tornadoes, all that have an emergency kit available. And the reason why they tell you that is because that emergency kit is what's going to help you make it through that storm

Build Your Emergency Kit Of People

SPEAKER_00 14:26

together with that emergency kit. Your help is your emergency kit. See, you are other people's emergency kit. Now you need your own. So now it's time to build your emergency kit. Who got your back? Who is in your corner? Who can you actually depend on? Okay. Who can you depend on? Also, Jesus, he allowed others to walk beside him. He did. So why do you really believe? I'm asking you this question. Maybe you should ask yourself this question. Answer it. Why do you really believe that walking every road alone is healthy? There's nothing healthy about that. Nothing at all. It might feel better because you don't have to worry about the burdens of other people. But that is a myth. You still have to have somebody in your emergency kit. Because sometimes the strong person needs permission to need help. Mm-hmm. You don't have to ask for the help by asking for permission for help. But you should know already you have permission to ask for help. Maybe no one has ever told you this, okay? Maybe they never told you this. Um but I'm I'm gonna tell you right now. So let me be the first to tell you. You have permission to say you're tired. You have permission to take a day off. You have permission to turn your phone off. You have permission to cry. Yes, you have permission to cry. You have permission to disappoint others' expectation if it's going to protect your peace. I'm gonna say it again. I ain't gonna say that again. You have permission to disappoint other people's expectations if it's going to protect your peace. You have permission to ask for help. You have permission to let someone love you without feeling like you have to earn it. Yes, okay. So let's talk about the strong yes, the strong person's challenge. I am going to challenge you. This is where we at. We at the part where I said that I am going to give you an assignment to do, an assignment. I want to give you an activity, and this is called the Strong People's Challenge. I want you to leave this podcast with something that is useful for you. So sometime this week, I want you to get a journal. I need the journal to be completely empty, like get a brand new one that haven't been written in. Because this journal is going to be something that you're going to reflect back on at a later time in your life when you need it. And you don't need nothing else in that book in those pages, okay? So get your journal if you're driving or whatever. Wait till you get home and come back to this part and start the journal, okay? So if you don't have a journal, I want you to go buy one, get a notebook, a notepad, or note app in your phone, whatever you can do, find something to write this down. And I really encourage you to write it in a notebook to use your hands to write with because when you do things on the computer, it's so distracted on your phone, it's too distracted for you to go to

The Strong People’s Challenge Journal

SPEAKER_00 18:35

and venture off and start strolling and being on social media and all that. So let's try to do this the old-fashioned way, the manual way with a pen and paper. Okay, let's do it that way. That way it's easy to literally see your handwriting because you're gonna write it in your own handwriting, and I want you to write on the top of the page these words who takes care of me, and you're gonna write three people who you can think of that actually take care of you. Write the answer. Then I want you to make a column. You're gonna make three columns, one, two, three, like with a line down or whatever, three columns, three sections, alright. One section and one column, you're gonna write the people I always help. Yeah, you're gonna write that. Write that word, those words, people I always help. And then you're gonna write every name that comes to your mind. Don't hesitate, put it down. You know if you help this person or not. Write it down, even if the person tells you that you ain't never helped them before. You know, I've heard that so many times from my mom. You ain't done nothing for me, like knowing I have. Come on now, but do that, okay? Write their names, it can be a family member, friends, co-workers, church members, neighbors, clients, anyone who regularly come to you for support, not just because you helped them once or twice, I mean they regularly keep returning back to you. Those are the people that you're gonna be writing your name down because we always want to help somebody, and they don't mean that something is wrong with that. What it means is that this person that you're writing down, these people that you're writing down, these are people who keep draining your well. Always they keep coming to you for stuff all the time, whether it's money, assistant, advice, they just keep coming to you and keep coming to you, but you have not been able to go to them. All right, and when you write everything down, don't judge the list, just write, don't judge them. Don't be like, oh, this person did this, and I'm always doing this for the this is why no, don't do that. Just write their name, name only. Okay, in column two, I want you to write these words people who truly pour into me. People who truly pour into me. Now I want you to write names of the people who check on you without needing something. All right, people who pray for you, who notice when you're quiet, who ask you how you're doing, like literally ask you how you're doing and want to know the answer, and you're able to tell them, who celebrate your wins, who comfort you when you're hurting. I want you to be honest, be honest about it, okay. Some of these people that you're gonna name, you're gonna be surprised about how they actually did show up for you. You might have forgotten about them, you know. Alright, so some of you, you may only have just one name. Sorry, but it does happen. Or you might not even have any names at all, and that is what I want you to see. Do you have some names there? Do you only have one person name there, or you don't have any names that you can actually put down? You know, that's okay. It's okay. Today is not about guilt. I'm not trying to make you feel guilty. I'm just only trying to make you aware. I'm trying to bring about awareness for you. Because this is how you know how you can build your circle, your toolbox. Yeah, we're building the toolbox right now. Now in column three, I want you to write these words down. What do I need right now? What do I need right now? Alright. This may be one of the hardest columns for you. So I want you to finish the sentence, honestly. So I'm gonna help give you some guidance in this so you can understand what you might need. Because one of the things I realize is that our mind don't always want to articulate what we actually need, but our bodies always tell us what we need. So tune into your body and see what is needing, you know. And that that might be, you know, right now, I want you to write this word, write this down. Put right now, I need, and now what you're gonna do after you write that, put dot dot dot, three little dots behind need by the word behind the word need. Okay, and then you can start thinking about what is that you need, and it could be you could say, I need rest, encouragement, forgiveness, a vacation, financial peace, someone to listen to me, time with God, counseling, sleep, joy, hope, or. Even I just need time alone to be with myself, whatever it is, write it down. Sometimes healing begins when we finally admit what we need. Okay, so here's one step, it's just a little small step that I want you to take for this week. This week, I want you to do one thing that feels uncomfortable. It's a small step, but it's a big deal. Okay. I want you to do one little thing that feels uncomfortable to you. And what that thing is, is that I want you to reach out to one trusted person, one person that you actually trust. I want you to reach out to them. Not 10, not 2, not 4, just one person that you trust. One. Only one. I want you to tell them honestly how you're doing. I just want you to honestly be honest with them and tell them how you actually are doing. Because they're going to probably ask us if they haven't heard from you. You know, they might say, How are you doing? I want you to open up. Alright? Don't say, I'm fine. No, I want you to tell them the truth. You're going to be so surprised how willing people are to support you once they find out that you actually need help. Mm-hmm. You're going to be so surprised. People, you'd be surprised how people are willing to help when they see that you need it. When you actually say it. I do need help. You know? Healing begins with honesty. And that's why I want you to reach out to one person this week. Okay? Think of who that person is and reach out to them.

Reach Out To One Trusted Person

SPEAKER_00 26:00

I know you might say to yourself, Well, the person I used to talk to, they no longer here. They died. I had that person, and yes, she did die when I was 21 years old, but I had to find another person. So now that person is my dad. But I know my dad is 73 years old, so how much longer can I keep talking to him? The other person is my husband. I actually do trust my husband. I can talk to him. But there's one thing I learned about my husband. My husband can't handle too much. Like I can't put too much on him. I've I've I've figured that out about him. So I have to give him a hand spoon, like a spoon feed him. I got a spoon feed him. You know, it's crazy, but it is what it is. You got to recognize the people that you're talking to and who they really are. Can they handle some of the things you're saying? And that's why I say you're gonna need someone who is a step over you, it's a level over you who have been through what you've been through to talk to because they know how to take what you're saying and put it somewhere else and not hold on to it. They know how to actually release what you're saying because they've been there and they understand what you're saying. You know what I mean? Hmm. So I'm gonna give you some words of affirmation. I want you to repeat after me. Repeat these words after me. I'm gonna slow it down so you can actually repeat it. Okay, I want you to say, I am more than what I do for others. I am more than what I do for others. My value is not measured by how much I carry. My value is not measured by how much I carry. I deserve rest. Not when I die, but right now. I deserve rest, not when I die, but right now. I deserve peace. I deserve healthy relationships. It is safe for me to ask for help. I do not have to earn my worth. I am loved

Affirmations For Rest And Worth

SPEAKER_00 28:46

by God, Elohim, simply because I am his. The tallest building has foundation, the healthiest tree has roots. And even though the strongest person may seem like they got it together, even the strongest people need someone standing by beside them too, okay? So never mistake independency as healing. Sometimes true healing begins the moment you allow yourself and someone else to carry the weight. So I'm gonna go ahead and sign out right now, and we're gonna do part four. After part four, we're gonna go into episode two. Episode two also has four parts to it as well. So I hope this is helping you guys. What I want you guys to do is I have fan mail. You can send me comments and everything, you can talk to me that way. You can also go to imagingcoaching.com and you can send me um uh email. You can also go into the discussion form, the groups, and you can write in there, you can join the groups, the community, and it's just getting started, so it ain't that many people in there, which is actually a good thing because it gives you the opportunity to create intimacy with those who are in there, including me. And you know for sure you you'll your message won't get drowned out, and someone, everyone actually will see it because of the fact that it's not that many people in there. Intimacy is great to have when you're just getting started with opening up. You don't always want to have a bunch of people that you release yourself to because you don't want it to be so saturated to where you either get ignored or people don't take you the way you want to be to taken, you know. So I

How To Message And Join

SPEAKER_00 32:17

do read all the messages and I do reply back. So if you want to start up a dialogue and a conversation, we can do that. That's free. Just letting you know that's free. You don't have to pay for that service. But one on one coaching, you do. So, other than that, I want to say have a good night. Signing out, Alayla.