You Deserve Someone Who Sees You (Episode 1- Part 4)

Being the strong one often means showing up for everyone else—but who truly sees you? In Part 4 of Who Checks on the Strong One?, we dive into the quiet reality that many strong individuals feel unseen, unheard, and emotionally overlooked. This episode gently reminds you that you deserve relationships where you are not just needed, but genuinely valued and understood.

Together, we’ll explore why strong people often attract those who rely on them but fail to reciprocate care, how emotional invisibility can impact your well-being, and what it means to be seen through God’s eyes. Through biblical insight, reflection, and a meaningful healing activity, you’ll be encouraged to recognize your worth and open your heart to connections that honor who you truly are.

You deserve someone who sees beyond your strength—someone who recognizes your heart, your needs, and your humanity.

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Transcript

Welcome And Who This Is For

SPEAKER_00 1:17

Welcome back to Improving Your Thoughts by Freeing Yourself. I'm your host, Alayla Carroll. And this is episode one, part four, which is the final episode of this part. Well, actually, which is the final part for this episode. I said it all backwards, but you know what I mean. So this is the episode called Who Checks on the Strong Person? Yes. And this is part four, which is titled You Deserve Someone Who Sees You. As we come to a close of episode one, I want to thank you for staying. Because this conversation isn't just about being tired, it's about being seen. It's about recognizing that the strongest person often become invisible because everyone is focused on what they can do instead of who they are. If you've listened this far, if you have been listening to me this far, I have a feeling you're one of the ones that I'm talking about. Yeah, you're one of those strong people. That's why I'm talking directly to you. You're the one who carries more than anyone realizes. You smile when you're hurting, you encourage others while your own heart is heavy. You keep showing up even when every part of you wants to stay in bed. You pray for everyone else while silently wondering if anyone is praying for you. Today I want to remind you of something very important. If no one else sees you, just remember and know that God sees you. Everything you do is not being unnoticed. Okay? Even when people overlook your sacrifices, God sees them. Even when no one thanks you, God sees your faithfulness. Even when no one notices your tears, God has counted every one of them. In the book of Psalms, chapter fifty six, verse eight, tells us that God keeps track of every one of our sorrows and collects our tears. Think about that for a moment. Imagine every time a tear falls from your face, God is collecting them. That is a wonderful thing. So your tears are not in vain. Not at all. Not one tear you've cried

God Sees Your Tears

SPEAKER_00 4:40

has been wasted. Not one sleepless night has gone unnoticed. Not one prayer has gone unheard. The world may celebrate your achievements. Yeah, they may celebrate your accomplishments and the things that you have achieved, but God treasures who you are. Okay? I need you to know that. So you don't have to carry it all anymore. Don't worry about it anymore. Some of us have become so used to carrying heavy loads that we don't even know what it feels like to put them down. We carry responsibilities that belong to other adults. Keep that in mind, what I just say. Adults. Not children, adults. These are grown people that we're dealing with. Some of these people are growner than you, been on this earth a whole lot longer than you. But yet we are the one carrying their responsibilities. We gotta stop that. It's time to put that down. That's to where I have come to a realization when I told you guys that between the time that I had my very last podcast with you guys episode about their parents to the first one of season 11, that I went through a transformation, I had to come to the realization that my mother is an adult. Not only she's an adult, she's the parent, not me. Not only that she's the parent, I'm not responsible for taking care of every single need she has.

Putting Down Other Adults' Loads

SPEAKER_00 6:29

Because if I did that, I would neglect my own needs and what I am supposed to be doing for myself. Not only for myself, I'm a married woman who also is a mother and has a 12-year-old who's about to be 13 in two months. Yes, I have a growing child that needs me. School is starting next month. That means I have to buy school clothes, which I just did, school supplies, which I'm about to do. All these things gotta take reverence over some other adult that has been in this world way longer than me. Come on now. When did the chapter turn? When in the pages of the chapter became something rewritten. I don't know about that chapter. Never heard of it. You know? I get that twice a child, once an adult, but my mom is not at not at that stage. No, she's perfect purposely acting the way she's acting on purpose, not because she can't help herself. No, this is who she's become. And because of that, I have to get to a place, and I have. I have gotten to a place where I am so sick of it, I don't even tolerate it anymore. And she realized that. I noticed that she realized that. Now when I come around her, she's very hesitant to ask me for stuff. I noticed that. She's very hesitant to want me to. Matter of fact, she offered me $100 to take her to San Antonio to go and get her car. Her car is broken down, but it's something very simple that can get fixed. But she offered me $100. She never offered me money to take her anywhere. Not even gas. And here it is. She realized I ain't taking you nowhere for free. You want me to do this? Pay me. It's time for you to start paying me something back. Because I've done so much for you. And then you treat me like trash? No, you're gonna pay me. And so she texts me today. Well, she called me too early in the morning. I was still asleep, and she texts me and asks me, hey, triple A so they're gonna tell my car where I'm at here, but I gotta be present with it. Is there a way you can take me to San Antonio to get it? I didn't respond. Then she texts back later on, a few hours later, and says, Hey, I will give you a hundred dollars if you take me. Oh, now I respond. I can do that with that hundred dollars, but you're gonna give me that before I even put you in my car. Give me my money. Give me my money. Give me my money. Okay. Because we got into that kind of point now. I'm not resenting her. I'm just realizing that I'm not gonna let you use me no more. You can't use me anymore. It's it's it's sad that it's gotten to this point. But these are the boundaries that I have putting up. I have putting up because I started hearing stories about her paying other people to take her places. I'm like, if she can pay these people money, why don't she pay me? But yet she calls me. I'm always the first one that she called because she wasn't, she didn't have to pay. You see what I'm saying? When a person don't have to pay for something, you will be their go-to first. But when you say no, now they gotta go to the other alternative, which is someone that they gotta pay to do something for them. And hey, the way I look at it, you made this bed, so

Hard Boundaries Without Resentment

SPEAKER_00 11:07

now you gotta lie in it. We had a good thing going. All I needed for you to do is to be a mother to me, but instead you treat me like some person on the streets. That ain't how that works. So if you're gonna treat me that way, then I have to change the my approach and how I deal with you now. Because I ain't no punk bitch. Sorry, I ain't. I ain't no punk bitch. You ain't gonna treat me like that. I'm sorry, you just not. Especially when I am in need of your motherly love at this point. But you don't you don't want to get it to me. Why? Because you're a narcissist. Why? Because you have no empathy, why? Because you really just don't care. And that's how I feel. So now I'm at this point. I still love her. I still try to do something for her and be present every now and then. I don't I don't abandon her. I have not abandoned my mother. I'm at a point now where I am very particular about how I deal with her now. And maybe you might have to do the same thing. You might hit you might have to get to a point when you're like that. You might have to. Now it ain't easy. Oh, it's not. It is not easy. You will find yourself struggling, fighting your inner spirit that's telling you, don't do this, don't act like that. Be this way, stay way to we the way you are, don't let someone change you. But you're not letting someone change you. What you're doing is you're putting up boundaries and you're learning to abide by those boundaries, okay? Because we carry expectations that no one actually asked us to carry. That's why you're putting up these boundaries. We carry the fear of disappointing people, we carry the pressure of always having the right answer. We carry the belief that if we stop everything will fall apart. But can I lovingly challenge that belief? What if the world doesn't need you to be perfect? Because that's exactly what it is. We're trying to be perfect. What if the people who truly love you would rather have you healthy, rather have a healthy you than an exhausted you? I don't need you to be exhausted. It also lets them see that you do need rest. You need rest. What if resting isn't letting people down? What if resting is trusting God to hold what you cannot? That's exactly what resting is. And that's where I'm at. I'm like, God, I put her in your hands. I am gonna rest. I'm gonna give me some good sleep. I'm gonna relax. I'm gonna enjoy my day. And I'm gonna enjoy my night and my evening. And that's what I'm saying to you guys. You have to get to a place where you can rest. Trust God that He can hold what you can't. Sometimes strength looks like letting go. A lot of people don't know how to let go. Like, seriously, a lot of people don't know how to actually do this. For years, many of us have believed strength meant holding on. Like we hold on to relationships that we should have let go of. We hold on to responsibilities that's no longer ours to be responsible for. We hold on to control when we should not be controlling any of that. We hold on to pain, which doesn't serve us anymore. We hold on to everyone else's problems, which never was ours in the first place, never belonged to us. I had to get to a point where I had to say to myself, that's not my problem. And then I started saying it out loud to other people. That's not my problem. I didn't create that problem. That's not my problem. But

Resting As Trusting God

SPEAKER_00 15:40

sometimes the strongest thing you would ever do is to let go. That's the strongest thing you the strongest thing you would ever do is let go. Let go of trying to rescue everyone. That's not your response. You are not their savior. Look, I'm gonna say that to myself. I am not their savior, okay? Let go of trying to fix every situation. See, that's the thing. My nature is a fixer, so I'm always trying to fix things. No, I had to tell myself that's not my problem. That's not my problem to fix. So let go of trying to fix every situation, let go of believing you have to learn. I mean, not learn, you have to earn, earn love through constant sacrifice. Why are you sacrificing no, you don't have to do that? Jesus already sacrificed his life for for us, so you don't have to sacrifice your life for no one. Let go of the guilt that tells you resting is selfish. Where you get that from? Whoever said that to you is lying, and if it's in your mind, bring every thought to captivity to the obedience of Christ that's within you. Let it go. Tell it that's a lie. Let go idea of the idea that asking for help makes you weak because it doesn't know. Real strength isn't found in carrying everything. Real strength is knowing what actually belongs to you and what doesn't, which means if it doesn't belong to you, it belongs to God. So that's when you go to God with the situation and you allow Him to take it. You leave it there. Don't go back and pick it up, don't go back to it, let it go. Letting go mean not talking about it no more, not thinking about it anymore, and moving on with your life as if it never happened. That's what letting go is. It's basically saying, Okay, God, this is for you. This doesn't belong to me. So I'm praying for this individual, I'm praying for their situation. I ask that you would take care of the situation, send someone to help them that actually can help them, and allow me the peace that I need to understand that they got a problem, but I can't step into that. That is not my problem. And then when you do that, let it go. End the prayer with releasing it, and then go on by to life like it ain't never happened. Okay, it might need to practice that, but over time you'll get better with it. Especially when you start seeing God solving their problems. That's what I did when I didn't co-sign for my mom. I saw God solve that problem immediately. I prayed for it. I said, God uh touched the supervisor, the manager's heart to approve her application, even though she don't make three times the rent. Just go ahead and touch her heart to approve it because no one deserved to co-sign for her if she decides to break the lease. It's not fair to the other people. Man, after I let I did that prayer and I I made my mind, I was just not gonna do it. Like I was not even thinking about it no more. I said, I ain't finna do that. And I I told my husband, he was like, No. I said, You ain't gotta worry about that. Uh-uh. I ain't finna do that. I worked too hard to be to get my credit back right. And for me to let that go, to mess it up all over again. And then man, I went to sleep. I slept good. I woke up the next day and didn't even think about it no more. And matter of fact, I had a I had a dream. That same night, God showed me a vision of her in Bay City in her new place. And I was like, amen. Amen to that. So when I got up and started going about my day, I felt like she was already in the place. Like literally, I literally felt like she's already there. So I was like, okay, so I know

Letting Go In Real Life

SPEAKER_00 20:15

she's gonna need some stuff. I said, now God, I know I'm I'm not trying to enable nothing, but she really does need some stuff. So what can I get for her? And he started showing me things in my mind, like she, you know, she don't have a sofa, she don't have a bed, and you know that you don't like the furniture back there in San Antonio, so help her out in that area. She also gonna need entertainment because no one needs to be in a quiet home. You know, I don't mind it's the devil's workshop, so give us something to entertain herself with. I I had that TV just sitting around, not doing nothing with it. Like, give her that TV. And I started seeing visions of things that I saw, you know what? When I went to her place and I looked in the um kitchen and saw since she had no silverware, no dishes, no none of that, no pots, no pans. And I'm like, well, she's not gonna be able to eat out like that. And she do, you know, like to make her eggs in the morning and boil some eggs or something. Let me get it, go to Goodwill. I went to Goodwill, sure did. Huh. And that pan is still the same, it's still cooked the same way a brand new one would, and got her some dishes, some pots and pans from Goodwill. A dollar a piece. But guess what? She was happy when I got it to her. She was so happy. She was like, I appreciate this, I really do. I was like, What? She actually told me she appreciates something. That's the first time she done that. Oh my goodness, God, you're really working on something here. But it helped me to understand where I am at with my own life. Okay. And it was it's a beautiful thing, it's a huge deal for me. So this week, I want to give you an activity. The activity I want to give you this week is called the healing assignment. This is for you to start healing. Alright. Before we end this episode, episode one, I want to leave you with one more exercise, and it's called the mirror exercise. This is for your healing. What I want you to do is stand in front of a mirror sometime this week before the week is out. Today, Monday. So whenever you listen to this podcast, whatever day it is, before you get to day seven, because day seven is the number of completion, eight is the number of new beginnings. So before you get to day seven, after you didn't listen to this podcast, I want you to do this exercise. I want you to stand in a mirror. Yes, stand in front of a mirror, even if it's just a little compact mirror in your hand. I want you to actually look at yourself, and I mean, really look at yourself. And for you ladies, if you have makeup on, I want you to do this without the makeup. I want you to look at your bare face without makeup, without lashes, no filtering. I want you no cosmetic, just look at yourself. You can keep your hair weaving, but just look at your bare face, the face that God gave you. Okay. I don't want you to rush through this, okay? If you're rust, if if something is going on, like you're brushing your teeth, washing your hair, no, no, no, no, that's not gonna work. You gotta be doing absolutely nothing when you do this, alright? Don't be fixing your hair, don't be washing your face, don't be brushing your teeth, none of those things. Just

Mirror Exercise For Healing

SPEAKER_00 24:00

literally stare at yourself. Look at your face, look at your eyes, look at your nose, look at your mouth. If you can see your ears, look at your ears, look at yourself. Stand there quietly and just look at yourself. Look at yourself. I keep saying that because this is who you are. Then, after you have sat there for at least one minute without saying a word, and you just looking at yourself. Now I want you to start saying these words slowly to yourself. I want you to say, I see you. Then I want you to say, I know you have been caring a lot. Then I want you to say, I am proud of you. Then I want you to say, you don't have to prove your worth anymore. Then I want you to say, you deserve rest. Then I want you to say you deserve peace. Then I want you to say you deserve to be loved without earning it. Then I want you to say you don't have to be strong every minute of the day. Okay? Then simply stand there for one more full minute minute. Just stand there one more full minute looking at yourself. Look at your eyes, look at your mouth, look at your nose, look at your face, look at your skin. Just look at yourself. Do not judge yourself at all. Just look at you. If tears fall, let them fall. Alright? Those tears are not weakness, they are evidence that your heart is beginning to feel safe. I want you to know that. Alright? Now, after you've done all that, I want to give you a challenge. This is your weekly challenge. Okay? This is another thing I want you to do. Yes, I'm giving you work because this is how you heal. You got to do the work. I'm giving you the tools. These are called tools. Now you got to do the work, alright? Okay, now be with me. Trust me, everything I'm giving to you, I've done for me. That's why I say I had a transformation, a breakthrough. Oh my goodness. And this is liberating too. So, this week challenge, I want you to practice receiving, not giving, just receiving. Someone offers to help you, I want you to let them help you. Say yes. If someone offers to pray for you, let them pray for you. If someone asks, how are you doing? How are you doing? Tell them the truth. Don't lie about it. Don't just say, Oh, I'm fine. I'm good. I'm okay. I'm alright. No, tell them how you're doing. They ask, so tell them. If someone offers encouragement, receive it without saying, Oh, I'm fine. No, receive it. I had someone on the plane come up to me, this lady. I don't know who she was. She just came up to me. I was sitting in my jump seat. She went to the bathroom. Then she came

Practice Receiving Help

SPEAKER_00 28:04

back and she sat down and she came right on back after she sat down and she looked at me. She said, God told me to come pray for you. I was like, What? Okay. And she started praying for me. I said, Yes, I receive it. So I'm telling you, let them, okay? Because your challenge this week is to stop rejecting the very care you've been praying for. You've been praying for this. Even if you ain't set out your mouth, your body and your heart and spirit has been asking God for it. Mm-hmm. Sometimes God answers our prayers, they come through other people. And you'd be surprised how many people will approach you out of nowhere with the spirit of God talking to you. So don't push away the blessings because you're uncomfortable receiving them. Don't do that. Just because you're uncomfortable receiving them, receive it anyway. Alright? So I want to give you some words of affirmation. I want you to repeat these words after me. We're going to say these together, alright? So let's speak life over ourselves today. That's what we're doing. We are speaking life over us. So repeat after me. I do not have to carry every burden. I am allowed to rest. I am worthy of care. I am worthy of kindness. I am worthy of healthy love. I receive the pleasures. No, no, no, I take that back. Repeat this. I re release. We're gonna release. I release the pressure to be everything for everyone. I receive the pleasures of life that Jesus spoke about. The abundance. I choose healing over pretending. I choose progress over perfection. I repeat that. I choose progress over perfection. I am seen. I am loved. I am enough. Okay. So remember I told you that um if someone wants to pray for you, let them. Well, I'm about to pray for you right now. So let me pray for you, okay? If you're driving, do not close your eyes. Just say, I receive this prayer. Okay. And then listen to the prayer. I don't want you closing your eyes while you drive. Because I listen mostly to my podcast while I'm driving. When I listen to podcasts, I mostly be on the open road when I'm listening. So that's why I say that. Okay, so let's get started. Heavenly Father, Abba, today we lift up every listener, every listener who has become the strong one. You know the burden they carry that no one else sees. You know the tears they have cried in private because you collect each and every one of them. You know the prayers they whispered when they thought no one was listening. Lord Adonai, remember them today that they I want you to remind them that they were never created to carry life along. Teach them to receive the same love they so freely give to others. Surround them with people who truly see them. Give them the courage to ask for help. Give them wisdom to set healthy boundaries. Give them rest that

Prayer And Closing Call To Share

SPEAKER_00 33:11

refreshes their body, mind, and spirit. Heal every place where exhaustion has replaced joy. Restore their hope, restore their peace, restore their strength, not so they can carry more, but so they can live with freedom. Help them remember that their value has never been found in what they do, but in whose they are. Thank you for spending this time with me today in my podcast on improving your thoughts by freeing yourself. If today's episode touched your heart in any way resonated with you, I want you to share this episode with someone. Share this whole season, season 11 with someone. I mean, anyone who is carrying burdens who you know that is the strong one. Alright. Just know that you're not alone, they shouldn't be alone either. Okay. You never know who needs to be reminded that it is okay to put down the weight, to put the weights down. Until next time, remember this. Take care of your mind, protect your peace, guard your heart, because out of it flows the issues of life, the things that's going on in your world. It flows out of that. And never forget, even the strongest people deserve someone to ask, How are you? God bless you, and I will see you in the next episode, okay? The next episode is season 11, episode 2. It comes in four parts, like I said before, and that episode is going to be about don't just need me, see me, okay? Don't just need me, see me. I will be talking about the pain of feeling appreciated for what you do, but not value for who you are. I will also explore how to recognize one-sided relationships, how to stop trying to show your worth by being useful, okay? How to stop trying, how to stop actually letting people use you, those are the things I'm gonna be talking about, and how to stop tying your worth into your usefulness and how to build connections where guess what you truly are seen at, known, and where you are actually loved. I don't want you to miss it, so I want you to tune in if you haven't done already. Um, subscribe to my podcast so that way you won't miss the next episodes when they come out. You will also be able to download the episodes so you can keep them for yourself and you can always go back and re-listen to them and everything. And I hope that you get something out of this. What I really want for you is healing. That's what I want. I want you to have a breakthrough of healing. And when you heal, I want you to go and try to help someone else heal. You're not giving up yourself, that's not what you're doing. Not in a way to where you're being used. No, you're actually helping someone to be where you are. Like they say, each one teach one. Yeah, each one left one. That's what we're gonna do. And you can simply do it by just sharing this podcast, and they can get what they need out of it by listening and doing the exercises that I give to them, the activities and everything. And they will definitely benefit from the prayer. I know God answered prayers, He already showed me that He's been answering mine. So, hey, I'm just letting you know. Don't let this be just only for you. Shared wealth, okay? So, anyways, I love you. I love you guys, I really do. Signing out, Alayla.