Learning to Receive the Love You Freely Give (Episode 2 - Part 3)

What if the hardest thing for a strong person isn't giving love—but receiving it?

In Part 3 of Don't Just Need Me... See Me, we explore why so many strong people struggle to let others care for them. If you've spent your life pouring into everyone else, this episode will encourage you to stop measuring your worth by what you do and start embracing who you are. Together, we'll discuss the importance of healthy relationships, communicating your needs, and allowing yourself to receive the same compassion, grace, and support you so freely give to others.

Through biblical encouragement, heartfelt reflection, and a practical healing activity, you'll discover that being vulnerable isn't weakness—it's the beginning of deeper healing and stronger, healthier connections.

Because you deserve more than being needed.

You deserve to be seen, known, and loved.

Art that you wear.

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Transcript

Wanting To Be Truly Seen

SPEAKER_00 1:16

Welcome back to Approving Your Thoughts by Freeing Yourself. I'm your host, Alayla Carroll, and this is season 11, episode 2, part 3. Don't just need me, see me. Part 3 is about learning to receive the love you freely give. So, welcome back. If you have been with me so far, I know that you're getting something out of this, and I truly hope that you are. Today, we've been talking about what we're going to be talking about, something that many strong people struggle with, but rarely say out loud. That's what we have been talking about. So the desire to be seen, not admired, not praised, not applauded, simply seen. Seen beyond your title, seen beyond your accomplishments, seen beyond what you can provide for others, seen beyond your strength. Every person listening today has one thing in common underneath all of our responsibilities. We're human beings. Everything that you have been holding on to, everything that you have the thought to yourself that is supposed to be, all of that should really change. What I want you to do is stop introducing yourself by what you do, and that's how all that is going to start changing for you. When we meet someone new, what usually the first question they ask us So what do you do? Think about how often we answer with our careers. I'm a nurse, I'm a teacher, I'm a coach, I'm a flight attendant, I'm a business owner, I'm a pastor. Those roles are wonderful. I mean, they are, but they are not our identity. It's not your identity. If all of those titles disappear tomorrow, would you be you? Who would you be? Instead of what do you do? You would be saying, I used to be,

Your Identity Beyond Your Job

SPEAKER_00 5:21

no, you don't want to say that because that's not true. I used to be a doctor, I used to be a nurse, I used to be a flight, I used to be a coach, I used no, that is not you. That's what you do when you are making your money to get a living started for yourself and sustain your living. That's not who you actually are. But guess what? I will tell you who you are. You still are the son and the daughter, or the daughter, the son or the daughter of God. Yeah, you are the son or the daughter of God. You will still be worthy of love because you are. You will still deserve kindness. Your identity was never meant to be built on your occupation. That is what society have come to, what society, the world, has decided for you. You have to change that. Was meant to be built on your creator. That's who you are. Who are you in God? See, many people don't like to talk about that kind of stuff. They feel like if they start talking about God, people are gonna withdraw themselves from them, or people gonna be like, Oh, you just so religion. You know what? It's not even about being religion or someone withdrawing themselves from you. What it's actually about is that person who you're talking to, if they're even worthy to be in your life, for them to even have a problem if you bring up God. Not saying you have to throw God in their face, but what I am saying is that you should never be ashamed to talk about your father. You should never be ashamed to talk about Abba. Never. What I need you to know, it's okay to tell people what you need. Many strong people experience and they expect others to somehow know when they are struggling, but the truth is people can't read our minds. Sometimes we become disappointed because no one noticed we were hurting, and that's the problem because you have to speak up and let person know that you're hurting. But we never told anyone, you know. Communication, communication is not weakness, it's wisdom. Imagine if someone you love was silently carrying an enormous burden. Would you want them to tell you? I know I did. If I would have known that my friend had cancer, I don't know what I would have done, but I know for sure I would have been her support system. Of course, you would want someone to know. Okay, you will want to know if someone that you love is carrying an enormous burden. So why deny someone else the opportunity to love you as well? One of the greatest gifts you can give someone who genuinely loves you is honesty. Sometimes the strongest sentence you'll ever say is I'm not okay today. Or I could really use your prayer, or I don't need uh advice right now. I just need someone to listen. Those simple words invite people into your healing instead of leaving them guessing about you. And you already know when people start guessing, they start assuming things and making up stuff because they're trying to fill in the pieces that they don't know about when you can simply tell them and give them the pieces so they'll have the right pieces about you. Relationships relationships should feel safe. Let's talk about what healthy relationships look like. Now I have another podcast where I'll talk about unhealthy relationships and healthy relationships. You can go back and listen to that, but I'm gonna elaborate a little bit on it here, okay? Healthy relationships don't make you feel guilty for resting. Healthy relationships don't make you feel like you have to earn your place. Healthy relationships celebrate your growth. Healthy relationships respect your boundaries. Healthy relationships don't punish you for saying no, and healthy relationships make space for your emotions. You don't have to pretend, you don't have to perform, you don't have to wear a mask, you can simply be yourself, and if you've never experienced a healthy relationship like that, don't lose hope. They still exist. I know some people I hear saying that it's nothing like that that's still that's around, but it actually is, they still exist. Believe for them, that's what happens. Become the person I want you to become the kind of person you're praying to find. Because God has a way of bringing healthy people into healthy seasons of your life, and that way you and the healthy relationship will actually build from there. You know, today, um, before I got on this podcast to talk to you guys, I was my son, he's spending time with his grandparents, right? Both of them. So he I told you guys that my mom and my dad are back and forth, you know, they basically live around the corner from each other right now. So my son called well, I called my son because I saw a message come through of $189 on TikTok. And see, I monitor where he spends his money, but I also know that you don't have $189 to spend like that, so it declined. And I'm like, hold up, that came through my cash app because I have his cash app and mine connected together, but he can only use the money if I approve it, and if I don't approve it, it's gonna decline.

Saying What You Need Out Loud

SPEAKER_00 13:41

So it declined because I'm not letting you spend $189 on TikTok when I know what you buy. He already got four packages upstairs waiting on him right now for when he gets home. So he spends his allowance on TikTok. At first, it used to be all candy and chips, you know how that phase of children go. Then it went from that to um buying cars like um Hot Wheels and stuff like this. So he got a whole bucket full of Hot Wheels, and now it's just stuff on TikTok, and I mean random stuff too. So I called him to find out what's going on and tell him. Well, he already knew when I made that phone call. He was like, There was an accident. It was an accident, it was not no accident. You was trying it, little boy. So I was talking to him a little bit about what's going on and where he's at and how things are going with him there and with his grandparents and all that. Well, my mom noticed that I was on the phone with him, so she asked him to give her the phone. And I didn't have any animosity about it and then like that. I went on and answered the phone and let her, I went on ahead and let her talk and get out what she wanted to say. So she started explaining to me about how my dad took her certain places, go grocery shop and all those things. And I'm like, oh, she is so happy. I can hear it in her voice, how different she sounds. And I'm just letting her talk and everything, and then she went on to tell me. She said, you know, I'm at peace right now. And I say, what? Like I'm saying, like, what? You what? Like I'm hoping that you at peace because you actually have came to yourself, and not because you and my dad is, you know, have this develop of a relationship that you think that's starting, that's really not there. And, you know, my dad told me he'll look out for, but he didn't say he was gonna get back with her. So I'm sitting here thinking, like, I hope that's not in her mind though. But she went on ahead to say a little bit more things about how she loved her new place and how she's glad that she did have to give up her her old house and everything. And yeah, she really did have to give up that house because that house was falling apart and she was not putting any money into it to fix it up. And eventually it was just gonna get to a point where she was gonna be forced out to move. So why not move out before we get to that point? And plus, where the that my land is located is not in the city of San Antonio, it's in the rural area. So that makes it even harder for her to get the help that she needs if she if something happened to her. Her neighbor behind her had passed away. He had been dead, I think, for like two weeks in that house by himself. And that was one of my things. Like, I don't want you in this situation, even though I'm not gonna let two weeks pass if I don't hear from you to find out that you're not with us anymore in this world. But at the same time, let's not go to that extreme when we can literally get you out of this environment and put you somewhere where you're around family who's gonna check on you every single day. And so she was trying to tell me that she was happy now that she's back in her hometown around her family and people she knows and people who know her. And she even went so far to tell me, she said, I'm gonna tell you something, daughter. I heard everything you said, every single thing that you said about me. I heard you. And I'm like, hmm, has she been listening to my podcast? Or did she just hear me say to her face the things that I have said to her? Because the things that I tell you guys on the podcast, I have also said it to her face. So this is not something that I'm talking about my mom's back or nothing. No, I literally have said this to her face, so but she opened up and she said, I've hurt you, I really did, and I am sorry for how I have been to you. I am sorry. I hope you accept my apology. And I said to myself, she gave me a real apology. I can actually feel this one. I know she's sincere, and she went on a leaving deeper about why she apologized. And it wasn't just I'm sorry, and that's it. It was more to it. And what I realized is that when you give things to God and you literally say enough is enough, I'm not gonna let someone treat me like this no more, then they realize that they can't continue the way they are. They have to change, they have to make some changes. So that's why I said in the podcast, um episode two, part two, that if you start changing, others around you have to start changing too because they have to adapt to your new net your new life, who you are, the new you. And if they can't, then they gotta move on and go about their business. And see, my mom realized that um you're either gonna have me or you're not gonna have me, but we're not gonna be on a point where I'm fighting. And she mentioned that too. She was like, I'm tired of fighting, I'm tired of us being at odds with each other. Isn't this peaceful that we can actually have a conversation and no one's yelling and I'm not angry? And I say, Yes, this is very peaceful, and this is what I have been longing for for a long time. This is the beginning of what a mother and daughter's relationship should be like, and I hope that it can actually stay this way. Please don't start flipping out on me again, you know. But I still know I gotta take it slow because my mom is the type of person that she will start off saying something like what she just said and then immediately erase everything she said and fall back and go back to the same old habits. So this is why I say I have to take my time with her. So I want you to know that healing doesn't mean that you stop helping people. What it really means is that I want to make sure I am clear, I am very clear. Okay, this season isn't about

What Healthy Relationships Feel Like

SPEAKER_00 20:00

becoming selfish, it's about becoming healthy. Healthy people still help others, healthy people still serve others, healthy people still genuinely and they're still generous to others. The difference is healthy people don't lose themselves while doing it, okay? Stop losing yourself, and that's where I had to come to an understanding that I was losing myself. I like peace, I love to dance, and that's one thing I do get from my mom. She likes to dance too. I love to dance, and so yesterday I was doing my little dance dance or whatever, and I put it on video and and and put it on Facebook or whatever, and I'm like, you know, I like this, this is cool, you know. But what I'm saying is being able to enjoy yourself because you feel good is a beautiful thing, but being able to enjoy yourself because you know you're good is a better thing. You see what I'm saying? It is a better thing, all right. Healthy people are always in a place where they know that they must not lose themselves in the moment of anything that they're doing, they know that pouring from an empty cup isn't sustainable. They understand that saying no to one thing often means saying yes to something more important. Healing doesn't make you less compassionate, healing simply teaches you that compassion must include yourself. So, the strong people healing activity. I want to give you an assignment. I always do this, and I think this is something that helps you to see who you really are and how far you have become and how far you probably need to continue to go, what you need to work on, okay. So, this week's activity is called relationship, the relationship inventory. Okay, now we're gonna take inventory of the people that we have in our lives, we're gonna take inventory of our stock. That's what I want to call it. So, take out your journal. I want you to get your journal out, the same one that you had the before. You're gonna use the same ones while I told you I wanted it to be completely empty when you got started because you're gonna have to write in it this whole entire season, and I want you to have enough space to do it. Okay, so you're gonna you're gonna draw three columns. Column number one, okay, you're gonna write people who need me. That's what you're gonna write in bold letters or capital letters, how you want to do it. So write down the names. Underneath that, write down the names of people who

A Mother’s Apology And Real Peace

SPEAKER_00 23:00

regularly depend on you. It could be your family, friends, co-workers, church members, neighbors, clients. Don't judge the list, though. I don't want you judging it. Simply notice it. Basically, just notice it, okay? So, column number two, I want you to write in bold letters people who truly see me. All right, and underneath that, now write the name of people who ask about your heart. Who remembers important dates in your life? So, my my my best friend hit me up this today, and she was like, I know you got a doctor's appointment today. And she was like, How did it go? And I was like, Wow, she remembered. I didn't have to tell her. My brother called me this morning like three times, and he was like, So, how was it? How was the doctor appointment? Just to see that they was thinking about me when they got up in the morning, it's a beautiful feeling, you know? It really is. And so, um, I don't have the results yet, so I'm not gonna be able to talk about that right now. Anyways, um, so also you want to write the names of who remember and Important dates in your life who checks on you without needing something who encourages you who notice when you're usual unusually quiet. You know, they know you probably be quiet, but unusually quiet. Who celebrates your success without jealousy involved? These are the people who nourish your soul. Protect those relationships. I want you to invest in them, okay? And then column number three, I want you to write in bold letters. People I need to set healthy boundaries with. Alright? This may be the hardest list that you're going to create. Because you're going to be thinking, like, well, you're going to be second guessing yourself. You're going to be fighting with yourself. And you're going to be thinking, like, maybe I shouldn't put this person on the list. But if you if you're wrestling with that, then that person definitely need to be on that list because the reason why you're wrestling with it. I want you to write the names of people whose relationships with you leaves you emotionally drained. Every time you talk to them, you interact with them, it's just draining to you. Not because they're a bad person. Like, don't do that. They're not bad people. Okay. They just what's going on in their lives is conflicting with yours. Okay. But I want you to write because the relationship lacks balance. That's what I want you to write. So that way you'll know why you put them on the list. So write that down because the relationship lacks balance, alright? I want you to ask yourself these questions. So I want you to write these questions down so you can answer them, alright? So question number one: Do I always give to this person to any of these people? Number two, do they ever ask how I'm doing? Number three, do I leave every conversation feeling exhausted? Number four, have I confuse guilt with love? Awareness is the first step towards change. So this week I want to give you another challenge. So this is this week challenge. And your challenge for this week is I want you to do one courageous thing. Choose one person from your people who truly see me list. I want you to call them. Just one person, call them. What I want you to do is make is set up an appointment with this person. What you're gonna do is you're gonna have coffee or tea, go for a walk, have lunch together, or whatever you can do with this person. I want you to meet up with them face-to-face if you can. Okay, and if you can't, do a video sit-down with coffee. I want y'all to look at each other's face. That's why I'm telling you to meet up with them, okay? And during your conversation, don't spend the whole time talking about someone else's problems. No, I want you to talk about yours. Let someone who loves you really truly love you. Let them show it to you, okay? Not because you've earned it, but because relationships were designed to flow both ways. So here's another um assignment I got for you. And then you're like, dang, how many assignments do you have? So that was two assignments already. This is assignment number three, right here. This is your journal that I want you to actually do. It's another journal. I want you to write these sentences down. I want you to finish the sentence that I'm about to tell you. So I want you to finish these sentences. You're gonna write it down, and I want you to complete it. Alright, what you're gonna say is I feel most seen when write that down, dot dot dot, three dots, and then write when you feel most seen. Number two, I feel invisible when dot dot and then answer that. Number three, I've been protecting, I mean pretending that I've been pretending that and dot dot dot and answer that question. Okay, so number four, the boundaries I need most right now is and then dot dot dot. So what are your boundaries that you need most right now? You're gonna write down, okay? And then number five, you're gonna complete this sentence, write this down. I deserve relationships where dot dot dot. And then you're gonna write down where you deserve the relationship, all right. So I want you to write without editing, like once you write it down, don't go back trying to change it. Leave it as it is because that's the first thing that came out of you that also means that that's where your heart is really at, and that's true. That's who you are. And I want you to also write without fear and write until your heart feels lighter. That's how long you're gonna write. Alright. Okay. So here's an affirmation that I want you to repeat after me. Alright, let's get started. I am worthy of love that

Healing Without Losing Your Kindness

SPEAKER_00 30:06

expect nothing in return. I don't have, I do not have to earn my place in anyone's life. I deserve relationships that brings peace. That's a big one there. You definitely do. I release the need to provide or to prove my value. That's it. I release the need to prove my value. My identity is rooted in God, not in human, and not in what I do. Okay, my desires to be seen. Let's do it start over. Okay. My heart deserves to be seen. My heart deserves to be seen. I welcome healthy relationships into my life. I receive love with gratitude instead of guilt. I choose authenticity over performance. I am enough exactly as God created me. Okay? So as we close these this well, I'm about to close this episode, and I got one more episode to give to you guys, which is gonna be part four, and then episode, I mean, yeah, episode two, part four. I want you to remember this: the hardest and the healthiest relationship in your life with that won't allow you to shrink. It's the best relationship to have. Never settle for relationships where your usefulness is remembered, but your heart is forgotten. But I want you to understand because you deserve more than being needed, you deserve to be known, and your desire should always come from a good place of knowing that you deserve to be deeply loved, all right. So, we're gonna close out this episode, this part three. We're gonna close it out.

Relationship Inventory And Brave Reach-Out

SPEAKER_00 33:16

The next episode is a special prayer I want to give to you, and also along with a letter to the strong person, which is you. I wrote a letter for you. So I'm I'm writing letters in each of these episodes, not the just parts, but the episodes, and most of them are gonna come in part four. I want to give you a letter that I am telling you, and I'm not only telling it to you, I'm telling it to myself as well. But I also have a dedication for you as well. So it's called the strong person dedication that we repeat and we recite for each other with each other, okay? And I want you to know that I'm with you, I see you, you're not alone, okay? So stay with me. I'll be right back with the next episode. Episode two, part four. I love you guys. Talk to you later. Signing out, Aleyla.