You Deserve to Be Known, Not Just Needed (Episode 2 - Part 4)

As we conclude Episode 2, we're reminded of a powerful truth: you were never created to spend your life being needed while secretly longing to be known. In Part 4, we explore what it means to build relationships where you're loved for who you are, not just appreciated for what you do.

This episode encourages strong people to embrace authenticity, establish healthy boundaries, and give themselves permission to receive the same love, care, and support they so freely give to others. Through biblical encouragement, heartfelt reflection, a healing activity, prayer, and A Letter to the Strong Person, you'll be reminded that your worth is not determined by your performance, but by your identity in God.

You don't have to keep proving your value.

You don't have to earn your place.

You deserve to be seen, heard, loved, and cared for, simply because you are you.

Art that you wear.

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Transcript

Welcome Back And The Heart Question

SPEAKER_00 1:16

Welcome back to Improving Your Thoughts by Freeing Yourself. I'm your host, Alayla Carroll. This is season 11, episode 2, part four. Don't just need me, see me. Part four is about you deserve to be known, not just needed. I want you to take everything that we have talked about, and I want you to start using what you learn. I gave you tools, it's time to start using them. As we come to the end of episode two, I want to ask you one final question. When was the last time someone asked you about your heart? Instead of your help, not your schedule, not your business, not your ministry, not your children, not your responsibilities, but your heart. Yeah. For many strong people, that question is so rare that it it almost catches us off guard. We're so used to people asking for our time, our wisdom, our resources, our advice and our strength that we don't know what to do when someone sincerely asks about us. My prayer is uh that after today's episode you'll begin believing that you deserve relationships where people are just as interesting in your well being, they are just as interested in your well being as they are in your willingness to help them, okay? So let's talk about something that I really feel that you need to know. You were created to be loved, not used. I want you to hear this slowly. I'm gonna say it again, okay? You were created to be loved, not used. You were created to be appreciated, not taken for granted. For those of you who have been taken for granted, I need you to know that. You were created to have relationships that refresh your soul, not relationship that constantly drain it. If every conversation leaves you emotionally exhausted, if every phone call feels like another assignment, if every relationship feels one-sided, it may be time to lovingly ask yourself, is this relationship healthy? You already know it ain't healthy, so stop playing with yourself, okay?

Loved Not Used

SPEAKER_00 5:02

That question doesn't mean that you stop loving that person, okay? That's not what it means. It simply means you are learning to love yourself too, and you definitely need to. If you know that that is not a healthy relationship, it is time for you to start loving yourself and do something about it. God never asks you to become emotionally bankrupt trying to keep everyone else's account f full, all right? That's not how that goes. The more courageous that you become, the better you will be. I want to talk about the uh courage to let people see the real you. How about we talk about that for a little while, okay? One of the greatest gifts you can give the people who genuinely love you is your authentic self. Yeah. Let them see you laugh, let them see you dream. Let them see your dreams. It's okay. If they start talking, I'm talking about the people who actually love you, they're not gonna say anything that's gonna take you from your dreams. They're not gonna do that. But for those who do, those are not the ones who actually are truly loving you. They they even if they do love you, there's something that's in them that needs to be fixed because they're broken. And those are the ones you don't show your dreams to, and and you let them actually see the finished work, alright? You don't start talking about it as you are trying to build it with those kind of people. You are actually going to talk to the people that really is supporting you. And yes, I want to also say let them see your tears. Because we like to hide and cry in the dark or by

Let People See The Real You

SPEAKER_00 7:01

ourselves. You don't always have to be strong, all right? You don't have to always be the strong one in every room that you walk into. Every time, the strongest thing I want you to know, it is sometimes the best thing to do for you, is to not always be the strongest one every room that you go in. Sometimes the strongest thing you can do is say, I'm having a hard day today. Hey, you got up in the morning, you got a soft morning, but you ain't feeling it, you know. Soft morning, strong woman, soft morning, strong man. Basically, what that means is that you don't feel like getting up today and doing anything, but you're gonna be strong and you're gonna get it done anyway. It's okay to have those kind of moments, you know. And it's alright to tell a person you're not having a good day. My last trip when the policy turned to me and it was early in the morning, it was three o'clock in the morning, and here we are going through security. I'm I'm not a morning person, even if I am having a good day. I'm just not, that's just way too early to be up. I don't I think it's insane to get up at three in the morning. Well, actually getting up at two something to be at work at three. And he was like, Are you doing well today? And I say, Um, really? You ask me that question. Let me just say this. I say, I'm not really feeling it. I really prefer to be in the bed, but I'm happy to be alive. That I am. And he was like, I hear you on now. He said, Yeah, it is early being up. That that's just how I did. He said, This is unlawful. I say, I know, right? Now we see each other. We here, we here, you know, because it's crazy to be up at three o'clock in the morning to fly a plane. People tired, you know? Even though we had the whole day to ourselves the day before, but it's hard to make yourself go to sleep. And that was one of the things he had said too. He said, Man, I was I took melancholy at eight o'clock and I still couldn't fall asleep. And I said, That's why I don't really take that kind of stuff because my sleep usually starts coming around the three o'clock hour. And I just don't even mess with it. I just go ahead and just put my little meditation music on and I relax my body and then I go ahead and try to fall asleep. I don't always fall asleep. Sometimes I'm still up. Eventually I will fall asleep, but I'm not trying to take no medicine or any type of metatonin, because I do that. I'm not gonna want to get up, and I know for sure I'm not gonna want to get up, okay? So sometimes healing begins with one honest conversation. That's exactly what I had with him. It was an honest conversation. I'm like, I really don't like being up at 3 o'clock in the morning, you know? So it be like that. I try to put my flights where I don't have to be at work until at least 11. But that's the thing. My going days when I first start my trip, it can be 11, but then the next day would be like four o'clock in the morning. I'm like, goodness gracious, I can't get around it. I really can't. And I know a lot of people I work with say they love the mornings because they get to finish early, and I agree with that. And also like the mornings due to the fact that most of the passengers are still asleep, so I don't have to do a whole lot of serving or nothing. But I'm just not a morning person. Don't want to be up at that time. I would prefer to deal with you guys in the what late mornings, evenings, afternoon. I especially in the evenings. I like night flying flying. Some people don't, but I've worked overnight for over eight years of my life at another job. So I enjoy being up at night and I had to make myself go to sleep early. But it's just one of those things that I have to do. Because if I

Vulnerability Through An Honest Moment

SPEAKER_00 10:55

don't do it, of course I'm not gonna be right. And I have had plenty of days where I be exhausted at work, and then when I get to the hotel, I try to stay up because if I go to sleep too early, then I wake up too early and can't go back to sleep. You know how that can go. So I fight it and fight it until I just say, Okay, forget it. I can't do this no more. And I'm pretty sure some of you guys probably had moments like that, but being able to have an honest conversation is is good. And I have thought about that many times when I fly with some of these people. I'm like, some of these people are morning people, and they be up like it's two o'clock in the afternoon. I'm saying to myself, Did you sleep last night? But that's just their personality. And I be saying to myself, I wonder if anyone feels like me. Is there anyone actually feel like me? And I'm starting now to see that there are people who feel like me because they're starting to speak up. And as I talk, and be like, I'm not a morning person, you guys. So I'm letting you know I'm not talkative. I don't even really want to hear y'all talk. But hey, if you're gonna talk, just talk to y'all selves and leave me alone. I'll put my little earplugs in and drown them out because some of them be a little too loud. And hey, I'm starting to notice that some of them are starting to open up and say the same thing. Like, man, I don't like being up at this time of morning. I'm like, I know that's right. So sometimes freedom begins with one vulnerable moment, and I think that's what's going on now. I want you to remember that vulnerability isn't weak, vulnerability is courage wrapped in honesty. All right. So this week, healing assignments. Gotta give you another assignment. You're like, what is going on? All these assignments. This is an active season. This is a season that you have to put in some work. If you really want to heal, you have to do something to make yourself heal. I'm not gonna just talk to you guys and y'all just listen and then you think about what I said, and then it goes out of the out of your mind, and you completely forget about what I said. But if you actually put in some work, it's gonna stick with you, and then you're gonna start seeing some changes in yourself. So this assignment is called the see me conversation. Yeah, see me conversation. This is the see me conversation, okay. I want you to choose one trusted person, someone who has earned the right to hear your heart, invite them to have a conversation with you. So, this is what we're gonna do. Same thing we did before. We're gonna do it again. You might need to find the same person or someone different, it's all on you, how you want to do it. Either have have the conversation over coffee. If you can't be with them in person, do it over video. That way y'all can see each

The “See Me” Conversation Assignment

SPEAKER_00 13:51

other's faces. I want you to maybe you can do it during walking, go for a walk, or over dinner. When you sit down together, don't start talking about work. Don't even go there. Don't start by talking about everyone else's problems. We're not gonna do that either. Instead, answer these three questions honestly. I want you to do this. Question number one. What has been weighing on your heart heavily? You're gonna talk to them about that. Question number two, what do I need more in this season of my life? And you're gonna talk about that with them as well. And question number three, how can you pray for or support me right now? That's what you're gonna say to that person. I need you to pray for me, support me. And this is how I need you to do it. You tell them what you need, what to pray for, okay? If you're not using, if you're not used to talking this way, and you probably won't be, but it's helping you, okay? It may be uncomfortable for you, it's gonna feel uncomfortable, but it's okay. Growth often be begins where comfort ends, all right? It that's where your beginning of your growth starts when you are very uncomfortable, but it is what it is, you're gonna have to understand that. So I want to give you another. Yeah, you're gonna make an ass. This is another assignment, but this is for you and for you only. No one else is involved except for who you choose to do these things for you, if you choose to get someone to do these things for you. So it's called the self-care challenge. This week, I also want you to schedule one appointment with yourself, not for someone else, just for yourself, you only. All right, it might be a walk in the park during the daylight hours, a park where other people is at, okay? Not around a bunch of trees and bushes where someone can snatch you up. Don't do that. Be real careful about your surroundings. It might be a massage, and that's when you get someone else involved to give you a good massage. A quiet lunch just by yourself. Yeah, you're doing this to yourself, with yourself, for yourself. All right. Reading your favorite book, a counseling session. You might have to start counseling therapy, or you might even be using me for your counseling. That's fine too. Um, time and

Self Care Challenge And Boundaries

SPEAKER_00 16:46

prayer, you know, you might need to start praying a little bit more and need some quiet time for that, or simply sitting on your porch or under the tree with a cup of coffee or tea. Or tea, with no agenda. You're not trying to work on something, a piece, or do some kind of anything for nobody, it's just you. So here's the important part though. Don't cancel it because someone else needs something from you. No, you're not canceling it. Set that appointment for you, keep that appointment for yourself, and don't cancel that appointment for nobody, and don't shorten the appointment either. Give yourself the time that you actually need, give yourself the timing. Like you're saying for an hour, this is what I'm gonna do. For an hour and a half, this is what I'm gonna do. That's what you're gonna do. All right, protect that time the way you would protect an appointment with someone you deeply respect because your well-being matters. Alright? So, here's something I want you to reflect on. I want you to reflect on these things before you go to bed one night this week while you're laying in your bed or before you actually go to bed, first write this down, okay? Write these write the answer to these questions in your journal. Write the question down, write the answer. And I want you to think about it while you're laying in your bed, all right? Question number one who uh truly knows me? Number two, who only knows what I do for them? Question number three, what relationship gives me peace? Question number four, what relationship constantly leave me drained? And question number five, what boundaries would uh honor both God and my health? And then there's question number six. How do I want my relationships to feel one year from today? Yeah, how do you want your relationship to feel one year from today? So you ain't thinking about tomorrow, are you? That's why I'm doing this. I want you to start thinking ahead. Prayer only, I want you to pray over all your answers, okay? Every answer that you have given, pray over it. I want you to invite God into every relationship that you have with each person that's on the list that you have written. Your column that I gave you. I want you to pray over each person on that list. This is how your relationship is gonna get better and it's gonna change too. You're gonna see the dynamics. Some people are gonna fall off because God is gonna remove them, but then there's gonna be some people who God is going to let see your heart, like really see you, and they're gonna start respecting you even more. And then, of course, you're gonna have that eerie feeling, like, oh my goodness, like I I feel kind of awkward, but it's okay though, because I'm telling you, wherever you feel uncomfortable, you when your comfort leaves, that is where your growth is going to start forming. Okay, I want you to ask God to strengthen the healthy relationships that you have, and to give you wisdom concerning the unhealthy ones, all right. Give you wisdom on what to do about them, how to approach each of them, okay? So here's some confirmation. I will um actually their affirmation I want to give to you, but each of these I want you to repeat after me. All right. Let's speak each word together. I am worthy of being known. I am worthy of being loved. I am worthy of healthy relationships. I release the pressure to earn acceptance. I no longer measure my value by my youthfulness. God sees me completely and loves me deeply. I welcome relationships built on honesty and trust. I protect my peace without apologizing. I choose connection over performance. I choose authentic over approve approval. I am enough. Now I want to pray for you guys, okay? So I want to pray for you. So if you're driving, do not close your eyes. But if you're able to, you can. You don't actually have to close your eyes though. But I want to pray this with you and agree with me in prayer. If you want this prayer, say I agree with her, with Alayla in this prayer,

Affirmations Prayer And A Letter

SPEAKER_00 22:55

okay? All right. Heavenly Father Abba, thank you for creating us with hearts that long for genuine connection. Forgive us for the times we've measure our worth by how much we could do for others. Teach us to receive love with open hands. Surround us with people who truly see us. Give us the wisdom to recognize relationships that nurture our spirit and the courage to establish healthy boundaries where they are needed. Heal every place where we have confused being needed with being loved. Remind us that our identity is secured in you. Help us live from acceptance instead of survival. And instead of thriving, may our relationships reflect your grace, your trust, your truth, and your unconditional love. In Jesus' name, Yeshua. Amen. Amen. Okay, so now I want to read to you guys the letter that I wrote to you. Okay. This is a letter I've written to you guys. Alright. Dear strong person, today I want you to remember something that life may have caused you to forget. You are not vulnerable because you solve problems. You are not valuable because of your problem solving. You are not lovable because you sacrifice everything. You are not worthy because you always say yes. Your worth was settled long before anyone asked you for anything. There are people who admire your strength. There are people who appreciate your generosity. But I pray that God also bring people into your life who simply enjoy your presence. People who laugh with you, cry with you, pray with you, celebrate you. People who ask how you're doing and patiently wait for the real answer. Don't settle for relationships where your gifts are celebrated but your heart is ignored. You deserve to be fully known. You deserve to be deeply loved. You deserve rest. And you deserve to believe that even when you have nothing left to give, you still are enough with love. Alayla Carroll. So this is my that was my letter to you guys. So now I wanted us to do, I want us to recite this declaration together. So repeat after me. Yes, we did affirmation. Now we're gonna do declaration. The strong person declaration, alright? So before we leave this episode, I want you to place your hand over your heart if you can. If not, don't worry about it. Just know that you're heart filling this declaration, right? Fill it with your heart, fill it with your chest. Okay, so I want you to repeat these words out to me. I am more than what I do. I am more than what I give. My value comes from God, not from my performance, not from people's expectations of me. Today I choose relationships that bring life. I choose honesty. I choose healthy boundaries. I choose peace. I choose healing. I choose to let myself be seen. I choose to receive love without guilt. I release the need to prove my word. I trust God with my heart. I trust God with my future. I trust God, Elohim, my creator, with the people in my life. This is my season of healing. This is my season of freedom. This is my season of becoming the person God created me to be. In Jesus' name. Amen. Alright. So here's my final thoughts before I close out episode two. I want to give you my final thoughts. So as we close episode two, remember this truth. The people who truly love you won't disappear when you stop performing. Real love doesn't ask you to earn your place. Real love stays. Real love listens. Real love sees you. Never forget you. You were never created to spend your entire life being needed while secretly longing to be known. May this week be the week you allow someone to see the real you. Thank you for joining me on improving your thoughts by freeing yourself. If today's episode encourages you, share it with someone who has spent years carrying everyone else. You never know who needs to hear that they are loved, not because of what they do, but because of

Final Truths Share And Next Episode

SPEAKER_00 30:05

who they are. Until next time, take care of your mind, protect your peace, guard your heart, and always remember being strong doesn't mean being invisible. God bless you, and I'll see you next episode. The next episode that's coming up is season eleven, episode three, part one. Strong people need rest too. Yeah, that's what I'm gonna talk about. Strong people need rest too. We'll discover why guilt often follow rest, why slowing down is not the same as giving up, how Jesus, Yeshua, modeled healthy rhythm of work and renewal and practice practical ways to restore his body, mind, and spirit without feeling like you're letting anyone down. Because sometimes the strongest thing you can do is stop long enough to breathe. Yes, stop long enough to breathe. I hope this helped you, hope this resonated with you. So until next time, signing out, uh Layla.