Healing Father Wounds Through Jesus | You Are Not Unloved

In this episode of the Fearless Queens Podcast, Tina shares a deeply personal and powerful message about growing up without the love of her earthly father and how it shaped her identity, relationships, and choices.

Through vulnerability and biblical truth, she opens up about father wounds, generational cycles, and the emotional impact of not receiving the love every child needs. But more importantly, she shares how everything changed when she encountered Jesus and realized that God is the perfect Father.

If you have ever felt rejected, unloved, or like something was missing, this episode is for you.

This conversation will remind you that you are not forgotten, you are not unworthy, and you are not too far gone to be healed.

✨ In this episode:
• How father wounds affect your identity
• Seeking validation in relationships
• Forgiveness and letting go
• Breaking generational patterns
• Finding healing through Jesus Christ
• Understanding God as your Father

You are loved. You are chosen. And healing is possible through Christ.

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If this episode blessed you, please share it with someone who needs healing today and leave a review to help us reach more people with the love of Jesus.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello and welcome to another Fearless Friday. We are so excited. I'm excited. Whoever is here with me, the Holy Spirit, is excited to share with you something really powerful today. Just we're sending prayers up to the other fearless Queen Sarah. I'm Tina. She is resting in the Lord. Thank you, Jesus, that we are able to build one another up. Today is going to be an episode that is fire. It is healing. It is Jesus' healing power over you, over your life. And it also could be emotional. Um, it's truth. It's the truth that I have lived for many years. It is definitely could um cause some emotions to come up, but that's okay. If you feel them, then then let them heal you. Let the tears come and water your heart, and the flowers will grow. We all we know that we need the rain because that is where the flowers grow. And so I want you to just take this in, receive it, and let the love of Jesus ring louder than anything else. So today's topic is about our father. Not our father in heaven, yes, our father in heaven, but also our own earthly father. And some of us have great relationships with our father. Some of us don't have a relationship at all with our father. Some of us have a stepfather, some of us have an uncle or an or grandpa that have raised us. So many different ways that we have been raised. Now, at the beginning of time, God created man first as the leader, as the head of the house. And unfortunately, sin entered because he didn't obey his father, right? And so there's a natural consequence that happened with that. But going forward, many times, fathers in the home are not the fathers that God has called them to be. We're human beings. We're living in a world of sin. We're living with so much destruction, so much pain. We're only, we can only give away what we have within us. And if your father wasn't loved by his father, then how is he gonna learn to love you the way you need to be loved? Right? And so I share, I'm gonna share a little bit, just a very small snippet of my father story, because it has completely um affected my entire life. And I think if we really look, if you really look back on your life at the choices made, it is based upon your earthly father and what he told you, how he treated you, the things he said to you or didn't say to you. And so I want to share that a little bit. I'm just gonna share a little bleep of my story. So I was born and I did not have an earthly father who gave me life, if you will, his egg, his sperm, um who told me that I was beautiful, who told me that I was fearfully and wonderfully made, who told me that I can do amazing things in this world, that God has a plan and a purpose for me. I never heard that. I never heard that growing up. I never heard it when I was little. I never remember my earthly dad reading me stories. I never wanted to join sports because I knew he would never be there to cheer me on. And it was an embarrassment because the friends around me had their dads cheering them on. And so I never had a love for sports, which is so interesting, and I'll share why later, a little bit later on. But God is always in the business of healing and growing you. So my dad left the picture when I was about a year old, and the story isn't necessarily for me to tell because I was a year, I wasn't really aware of what was going on and what was happening. I hear one side, I hear another side, and then there's obviously the tr the God truth. So I won't share my mom's version, I won't share my dad's version because I want God's version of what actually happened. And we forgive, you know, I forgive them, forgive them, father. They know not what they do. And I'm talking to my godly father. Like I forgive them, I forgive my father because at the time he was only living based upon what he had been taught by his father. And as far as I understand, his father was in the war and was a drinker, was unhealthy, didn't take care of himself. As far as I know, I obviously he was he was gone before I came to this earth. And I share this with you because we have a podcast, and it's called It Ran in My Family Until It Ran Into Me. And generation upon generation upon generation, there is scripture in the Bible that that the sins of the Father will carry on to the to the third and fourth generation. Well, you know what, sisters and brothers, I'm the third generation and I am stopping it in the name of Jesus. All that to say, that was scripture, you can look it up. All that to say, so my father was only giving away what what was in his heart, and what was in his heart was not an earthly father that loved him, as as the Bible has ordained an earthly father to love their their children, okay? As far as I know. And so he could only give away what he had. And he left when I was a year, and just like you know, I'll go to the quick, the quick end-ish of the story. When I met Jesus and when he saved me, I had a moment in deep, reverent prayer where I was just crying and angry. Like, why didn't my dad love me? Why didn't he want to hug me? Why didn't he want, you know, me to sit on his lap like a little girl, like looking up at her daddy? Like, why didn't I get all that? Like, why wasn't I loved? And then, which led to other bad choices that I made, the men that I chose. I was looking for affection, I was looking for attention. And so, you know, and here it leads me to this moment right now where I'm, you know, in the midst, not right now, but in this moment where I was crying and pleading to the Lord. Like two divorces, I felt like the woman at the well, like I couldn't get it, I couldn't figure it out. Like, God help me, right? And he very clearly, very clearly spoke to me. And he said to me, I am the only father you will ever need. And I broke, I lost it, I completely lost it. And I thought to myself, he's right. He is the one who gives me instruction, he is the one who gives me wisdom, and he is the one I will spend eternity with anyway. And so I had to go back, I had to go back for a little bit, and I had to, I had to be the parent. I had to call my earthly father, and I had to tell him it is forgiven. I love you, and I forgive you, even though he didn't ask for forgiveness, right? Like I needed to say that to him. And, you know, as you get further along, you don't have to always call the person. You don't always have to tell them that person you haven't forgiven or you have forgiven. Like sometimes you don't have to tell them. But in this situation, if I go by the Bible, it's honor thy father and thy mother. It isn't honor thy father and thy mother if they treat you really amazing. It's honor thy father and thy mother. So as I take scripture literal as much as possible, and I let the Holy Spirit speak to me through that scripture, wisdom and revelation and the knowledge of the Lord, Ephesians 1:17. I know that my action needs to um, you know, to who much is given, much is to be expected. So I've been given this wisdom, I've been given this revelation. So then I need to go forward and do what the Lord has called me to do. So I called him and I said, I love you. I've forgiven you everything that has happened. Like I understand to the level that I can understand as a young lady. I mean, this time by this time I was in my 30s, and I was crying a little bit, but I also had such peace at this point. And he apologized. He said he was sorry. And this was, oh gosh, maybe seven, eight years ago. He apologized. He said he was sorry, he wishes he could have been a better dad. And I thought to myself, that's amazing. Like, what a great response, right? Like it's the it's the ideal response a woman wants to hear in her late 30s that, oh, he he regrets it, right? And so then I am very much a faith without works is dead. So, like, show me your faith and I'll show you, right? There's a scripture about that. And so I this was eight, and so in the conversation, he had also said, well, we can change that now, can't we? We can have a relationship now. Like, absolutely we can 100%. And that was about seven or eight years ago. We have no earthly relationship. Do I hate him? Absolutely not. Am I angry? No. Am I sad? I'm sad for him because of what he missed out on, and not from a like boasting standpoint, but all the opportunities of love, of joy, of peace, of patience, of kindness, of goodness that he missed out on. All my son's life that he missed out on being a grandpa to. Um, just the time together. I was his only daughter. I was the only daughter that he had. Now he did adopt and foster, which also was mildly confusing. Like you couldn't be a father to me, but you could be a father to the fatherless. And now that I'm in the system of helping moms and women who need help, and I take we, my family takes care of their kids. It's called bringing children hope. It's not foster system, it's a we're a care family. It's so interesting to me how I get to look back and know that like I still need to love my children, my children that God has given me. I love them, but there's also more love to give. Digressed a little bit, but you get what I'm saying. It's interesting how we carry certain things from our from our fathers. That one I want to carry, that he did that, that he opened his home up to children who needed a home, who didn't have a home. What I'm not gonna carry with is I'm I'm not gonna not be present in my children's lives. And maybe I probably go overboard sometimes because I just don't want to be that. So it's a it's a balancing act, right? You love your children, but you don't want them to be overloved and they they are privileged because we live in a privileged society right now where everyone feels they're owed to not everyone, I shouldn't say everyone, but a lot of people in this world act as if they're owed things. No one is owed anything. When you accept Jesus Christ as your savior, his grace has saved you and nothing is owed to you. So going backwards to when my father left, I had to live. My I had a stepdad come in, and he has been my dad since I was a year old. He's been in my life since I was a year old, I should say. And it was challenging. It was really hard because as a little girl, as a three-year-old, as a five-year-old, as an eight-year-old, as a 13-year-old, you want your dad, like your actual dad. I mean, I did anyway. I shouldn't speak for everyone else. I wanted my actual dad to love me. And so I was almost angry at my stepdad that like he tried to come in and be a parent. Like, you can't be my, you're not my father. I remember saying that to him. Now it like pierces my heart. But I remember saying to him, you're not my father, and being so angry at him. And now, as I am a stepmother to children, you know, you kind of eat your words and you kind of are reminded. And it's a good thing though, because it shows me, like, oh yeah, I was that way. I didn't exactly treat my stepfather like amazing at times, and so it was very hard my teenage years. I went through some physical abuse. I won't say with who. I went through some emotional abuse, and I went through some sexual abuse, and all of those things created this young woman who was hurting, who was broken, who needed love, who wanted attention. And I will tell you, you you heard in the last episode a little bit about Sam's story. I fell into some of those same patterns because I didn't have in my heart the love of a father. Now, I will tell you, my stepfather, who is my father, I'm just for sake of this to not confuse the call, the the listeners, my stepfather did everything in his power to give me and us the life we would have never had. We would have never had the things that we have physically, emotionally, spiritually, monetarily that we have now because of what he what he was, what he taught, the lessons he gave us, the love he gave us. And he was the father that I never had. I just didn't know it at the time. I couldn't appreciate it as a you know bratty little teenager. I couldn't appreciate what he was doing. I didn't understand why. Like, why doesn't he want to make his why doesn't he want to have his own kids with my mom? Right. I even asked my mom, are you sure he's not my dad? Are you sure he's not my dad? Like he seems to want to hang out with me more than my actual bird father, like, does. So like I questioned it for a long time. I debated asking for blood work so that I could understand. Like, there's no way, there's no way that this man who's not my father would take me on as his own. He did, and he still does to this day. He still loves me as his own. And it's so beautiful because that once I could realize that, once I could get out of my own way, once I accepted Jesus as my savior, I could really see and feel the love that my stepfather was giving me and that he had for me. And I share that with you because wherever you're at in your relationship with your biological father, that's not every man. That's not every individual. And so I challenge you to open up the word and read what God says because God is a father. Jesus wasn't a father, right? He was a brother in Christ. He was, you know, the father, son, holy spirit, but he wasn't a father on earth as we know him to be. But he loved the little children, he loved his brothers and sisters, he loved the the daughter, he would call them my daughter because it was God living in him. But as far as instruction, God gave father so much instruction. And it's unfortunate that it's abused at times. It's abused in the church, it's it's abused in houses. Um, it's not, you know, there's one scripture that I can recall where, you know, a father does not spare the rod. And that is definitely misconstrued because a father's, I'm gonna read Proverbs 4 to you to bring some scripture into this. Hear, O sons, a father's instruction, and be attentive that you may gain insight. For I give you good precepts, do not forsake my teaching. When I was a son with my father, tender, the only one in the sight of my mother, he taught me and said to me, Let your heart hold fast my words, keep my commandments and live. Get wisdom, get insight, do not forget and do not turn away from the words of my mouth. Do not forsake her, and she will keep you. Love her and she will guard you. The beginning of wisdom is this get wisdom. And whatever you get, get insight. Prize her highly and she will exalt you, she will honor you. If you embrace her, she will place on your head a great a graceful garland. She will bestow on you a beautiful crown. Crown. So it's not just a father who doesn't spare the rod. Yes, maybe there is a time when a sassy little kid needs to be spanked. Like I'm not denying that. I'm sure that could create a lot of controversy. Maybe it creates some um triggers, but I was I was whooped. Okay, I get it. I totally get it. That's not what I'm speaking of. I'm not speaking of being whooped out of anger. I'm speaking of an instruction, like a little in calmness, a father in calmness. You are not listening to me, you are not honoring me. You're going to get a spanking, like communicating this and them waiting, just waiting there for it to happen, because God, our father, will discipline us accordingly. And at from, you know, zero to 12, you want your father on earth to discipline you as instructed so that when you're 14, 18, 20, 30, your instruction is going to be different, right? You're not gonna, your dad isn't gonna spank you at the age of 19. That just doesn't make any sense. So it's age-appropriate discipline, okay? But when you listen to your father's instructions, your plans and purposes will be begin to flourish and be made known because you're honoring. And I go back to the statement, he is the only father you'll ever need. So if you are hurting, if your father didn't, if your earthly father didn't give you instruction, if he said, do as I say, not as I do, which is that is not scripture, and that is a hurting man who doesn't know how to take care of his children and doesn't know how to give you the affection that you need. And I share that with you because as I have talked to people, as I have learned different people's relationships with their father, here's what I've learned. And this is again, this is my recollection. This is the one side, some of it is telephone, right? Some of it is told by another person, but it is a common theme throughout my life that I have witnessed. When a daughter or a son is not loved and honored by their earthly father, most of the time they end up in relationships with men needing from those men or women, right? If it's a son, it would be a woman. Or it could lead to a man looking to another man for affection, right? And in all of those relationships, they're looking in that relationship for the love that they never received from their earthly father. I've done it, I've I have been around numerous people, I have helped numerous people, I have watched people heal in the name of Jesus who will say the same thing. So they either go to prostitution, they go to sleeping with many partners, um, and they realize or they accept abuse, they accept wrongful treatment, and I can almost every single time trace it back to their earthly father not loving them the way that God has ordained them to love their daughters, to love their sons, to love the children that God has gifted them with. Dive into the word of God, dive into what he says about you. I'm gonna keep going, okay? And this is Proverbs 4. We're now at Proverbs 4:10. Hear my son and accept my words, that the years of your life may be many. Now, I think sometimes we hear that and we're like, we think to ourselves, I don't want many years. It's been a hard life. It's been challenging, it's been emotional. I'm surrounded by sin and bad choices that I continue to make. Lord help me, right? But God has big plans for you, and He's giving you instruction, and He sees you, and He knows the hurt you've been through, and He's with you in the fire. These Bible stories aren't just stories, they are actual things that happen to help you understand, and they're shared to help you understand. He is with you in the fire. There is another one in the fire. Go to him and pray to him. I have taught you the ways of wisdom. I have led you in the paths of uprightness. If your dad did not lead you in that path, God is so ready to do it. He's ready. When you walk, your step will not be hampered. And if you run, you will not stumble. Keep hold of instruction. Do not let go. Guard her, for she is your life. Do not enter the path of the wicked and do not walk in the way of the evil. He's telling you this for a purpose. He's telling you this for a reason. When you give the enemy a little crack, a little foothold, he will sneak in there. And just because the ones in the past have hurt you and spoken mean, hurtful, unkind, not true words into your ears that have gone into your mind and filled your heart, and it's overflowed out of your mouth, and now you're speaking it over yourself. Stop. You can stop it. You, it is you, daughter, it is you, son, who now doesn't have to receive that anymore. You can choose to give it away. Give it away to God and refill, fill that empty space where you spoke those negative words. Fill it with I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Keep hold of instruction. Sorry about that. Avoid it. Do not go on it. Turn away from it and pass on. For they cannot sleep unless they have done wrong. Meaning the enemy does not rest. He wants to take over your mind. He wants to take over your body. He wants to take over your soul. I bind that in the name of Jesus. I bind it, and you are covered in his blood. They are robbed of sleep unless they have made someone stumble. For they eat the bread of wickedness and drink the wine of violence. Okay. The bread of life, the word of God, the way, the truth, and the life will only be the only thing to satisfy you. So go to him, search him, ask him to search you and know your heart and test you and know your anxious ways, and he will lead you. He will be the only bread you ever need. His mana will come this day, and only this day. The reason why they didn't collect mana is because it was only for one day. We only have this life. We only have this day in this life. And drink the wine of violence. Now, this is uh the wine, the physical wine, but it's also the emotional wine. Think about if you have too much and how you feel. It's an it's an example for you in the Bible, because anyone who has had a beverage or more beverages than they should have knows that feeling, that icky feeling that in their head, in their stomach, in their heart. Spirits are called spirits because they're spirits. Stay away from them, is my recommendation. But the path of the righteous is like the light of dawn, a beautiful sunrise that will never, the sunrise you see today will never be the same again. How amazing! Which shines brighter and brighter until full day. The way of the wicked is like the deep darkness. They do not know over what they stumble. We're gonna close it out. My son, be attentive to my words, incline your ear to my sayings, let them not escape from your sight. Let them within your heart, keep them within your heart, for they are life to those who find them, and healing to all their flesh. Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life. Put away from you crooked speech and put devious talk far from you. Let your eyes look directly forward and your gaze be straight before you. Ponder the path of your feet, then all your ways will be sure. Do not swerve to the right or to the left. Turn your foot away from evil. My sisters and my brothers, walking with Jesus is not for the weak. It will be challenging. You will have to open up wounds that you didn't want to open up, but it is in that healing that you can be medicine for somebody else. When you are wondering, what do I do? How do I heal? I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe in the power of therapy, but only to so much. Talk can only do so much. It's you open up the word, you ask for the wisdom and revelation and the knowledge of the Lord, and then you let him speak to you. You pray to him, you let his word abide in you at all times. You say the same scripture over and over and over, just like how you speak those negative words over your life, because that is what someone said to you. You speak the word of God. John 15, 7. Speak the word of God over you, over your heart, over your mind, over your body, over your soul. And eventually what's going to happen is the fruits of your life are going to reveal this. Instead of, and I'm gonna go here for a minute, even though I dislike doing this, instead of you are not worthy, you are ugly, you're a words that I don't want to say on this because they're not nice words, instead of those words that you have been speaking on a constant pinwheel in your head for years and years and years. You speak John 15, 7. Let the word of the Lord abide in you and you will bear much fruit. When his fruit covers your life, you will start to see your tree grow. And these are all analogies, but they're not because it's true. You have to cut off and prune what is no longer serving your life. And I promise you, if it is not love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, self-control, it is not from God. And he is pruning you, he is forging you to go on and do the things that he has planned for you. So many of our past guests have spoken. Jeremiah 29, 11, for I know the plans I have for you. Plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. But you know what it says after that? Go to him in prayer, right? For we are God's masterpiece, created in Christ Jesus, to do the things that he has planned for us, right? But we go to him in prayer and we seek him, and we seek him with our whole heart, our whole mind, our whole body, and our whole soul. And as much as we can, my brothers and sisters in Christ, we stay away from things that are clouding our mind, like spirits, wine, alcohol, even sugar is clouding your mind. We stay away from those things as much as we can. And this isn't coming from a place of judgment. This is coming from a place of experience. This is coming from where I know that I have been. I have run to all of those things to fill my mind or to cloud my mind or to block me from what God is doing in my life. If the enemy can keep you drunk, if he can keep you, and I'm not just talking about on alcohol. You can be absorbed in the screen, you can be absorbed in so many things. We've talked about this before. If he can keep you there, he keeps you away from this. And that is not what God wants. God wants you in his word, in his life, because he has plans to flourish and bring good. And when you are healed, you can go out into the world just like he has called us to do as part of the Great Commission. And when you heal yourself, and then you go out and you help others heal, and you start to see yourself healing even more through helping others heal, that is the ultimate picture of God's love. And if you haven't chosen Jesus yet, I can't imagine you would make it this far into our podcast and not have chosen Jesus. But if you have not chosen him yet, I'm gonna give you the opportunity right now to choose Jesus. I'm gonna call you to the altar. And if you have given yourself to Jesus, I'm gonna ask you to go deeper into that relationship with him. Okay? Are you ready? Lord, I am a sinner. Lord, I need you as my Savior. You're repeating back to me if you haven't picked up on that. Lord, come into my heart and fill me. Lord, show me how to live my life more obedient to you. Amen. Sisters and brothers, wherever you are at in your life, you are loved, you are worthy, he has forgiven you the grace of him going to the cross and every slash on there, every nail in his hand, every wound in his heart, he went there for you. So he has forgiven you. So if you don't go to him, if you choose in him and you don't go to him and you don't surrender, if you don't come to the altar, you can't possibly know what he has for you because you're still holding back. And then I would challenge you because do you really love him? If you love him, you will obey his commands, right? I know that sounds easy to say and it's very hard to do, but know this, my daughter, my son. The Lord will fight for you. You only need to be still, and that's in Exodus 14, 14. He's been telling us throughout the whole Bible that he is with you in the fire. And so thank you for listening today. We love Sarah, we miss Sarah. Thank you for being vulnerable enough to get to the end of this episode. And if you, if you're listening to this and you know that there is someone hurting, there is someone in pain, we want to show them the love of Jesus and how we love them. And so share this episode, share this podcast with them. But before you do, I'm gonna challenge you. Pray to God about your friend before you talk to God, before you talk to your friend about God. Does that make sense? Pray to God about your friend before you talk to your friend about God. But send this podcast out and not bud, and send this podcast out to them. Because if it's not for them, it could be for someone that they know, right? We're all in this together, we're all in this world together. And when we learn that love is truly the answer, love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your might, and love your neighbor as yourself. So it's all wrapped up in love. If there was more love, we would have heaven on earth. I believe that beyond a shadow of a doubt. Release the pain, forgive, get rid of things that are icky and not serving you because it's not always the other person. It's usually about ourselves and let God come in and heal you. Thank you so much for listening. If you if you were touched by this episode and you want to leave a review, we would love a five-star review so that it can get pushed out to more people because we know that the world needs healing. The world needs the love of Jesus, the only father that we truly, truly will ever need. And we believe that we are to make the majestic beauty of the gospel known. And the only way we can be make it known is for you to share it, for you to review it. And if you feel called and you want to make a donation, we accept that to be able to cover our producers and our finances as well. We do not keep anything for ourselves, we give everything away. Thank you so much. We love you. Have another wonderful, fearless Friday. Bye.