156: Unexpected Moments That Make Us

What if the choices that define you arrive sideways—on an ordinary day, without a plan, and ask you to cross a threshold you never imagined existed? 

We pull together standout moments from season three to explore how our identifies can change in real time: a spontaneous dance on a Paris stage, a living kidney donation made without hesitation, a tattoo on trust, a climb up Mount Fuji in a typhoon, a first book from someone who once believed reading wasn’t for him, and a grueling Camino that stitched life back together after isolation.

We start with the spark: an unexpected invitation to step into the light and say yes. From there, guests show resilience in many forms. Along the way, we reflect on how resilience often lies in small decisions, not just in times of crisis. 

The episode invites you to notice your own thresholds: the places where you stretched, adapted, and discovered strength you didn’t know you had. These stories aren’t polished origin myths; they’re honest, human snapshots of change. They show how meaning is made after the fact, when we look back and realize a choice turned out to be a turning point.

If these reflections spark your own: What is one thing you did this year that you never imagined for yourself. 

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Chapters

• 0:00 Opening And Season Question
• 0:31 Paris Stage Surprise And Meaning
• 2:09 Why Unexpected Moments Matter
• 4:49 Tara’s Kidney Donation And Courage
• 7:37 Rob’s Tattoo And Letting Go
• 10:25 Netta Climbs Fuji In A Typhoon
• 13:30 Resilience Beyond Crisis
• 15:52 Massimo Rewrites His Story With A Book
• 18:05 Jeff’s Camino And Perseverance
• 20:07 Trust, Thresholds, And Transformation

Transcript

Tara May: 0:00

I never thought I would donate a kidney to anyone, and six months ago I gave my kidney to my father. And it seemed like the easiest decision in the world, but I wouldn't have imagined it.

Manya Chylinski: 0:14

Hello and welcome to Notes on Resilience. I'm your host, Manya Chylinski. In today's episode, we look back at the question I asked every guest this year and hear about some of the unexpected moments that shaped their lives. And before we revisit some of their stories, it's only fair that I answer the question and start the episode with a story of my own, an unexpected moment in Paris. A friend and I bought tickets to How to Become Parisian in One Hour, a comedy show in English, in a theater in Paris. It's ready to have a fun time. And it was amazing. The comedian is so funny, and we really enjoyed the show. About halfway through, however, he starts looking into the audience, and it's clear he's going to pull somebody up on stage. And I'm doing that thing where I'm looking down and trying to have him not see me, but he saw me and for whatever reason decided I was the one. And went up on stage and he taught me how to dance like a Parisian woman. And I think Parisian women are safe. I am not taking over. It was fun and interesting and a little scary, as you might imagine. And as I was walking backstage, coming from the where the seats are into the backstage part before I got up on stage, I thought to myself, just do this. Enjoy it, go for it. And I think I'm a pretty decent dancer, but you would not know it from my performance on that stage. Even though I was trying and I was relaxed, I think he was talking me through some really funny steps. That is absolutely something that happened in my life that I never thought I would do on a stage in front of hundreds of people in Paris. But this question reveals how we move through the world. So asking somebody to pick a moment in their lives that they never imagined for themselves, it opens up a window of sorts. Maybe it's courage, maybe it's surprise, maybe it's something that shapes our identity, maybe it's a particular choice that we make. But these stories rarely line up with the goals we map out for ourselves or the version of our lives that we once pictured. That's what's so wonderful about them. These moments arrive sideways, they come around the corner, they're in the middle of an ordinary day, and they stay with us because they show us what's possible in our lives. And listening back through this season, it reminded me we don't walk around thinking about things like resilience using that word. We don't think philosophically, what does it mean for us, for our society? We just live through our moments. We just experience life as it comes to us, like the stories you're about to hear. It might be a choice that feels really small in the moment, and only later do we see that it was a turning point, or we get an invitation from someone that changes how we see ourselves, or a challenge arrives without warning. And then that shows us that we can do more than we thought we could, that we were stronger or smarter or braver than we ever imagined. So this episode brings together a handful of those moments. Each one reflects a different way that people step into something unfamiliar and how we discover a part of ourselves that we didn't know was there. And together, I think these stories can show how we can't always plan everything in our lives as much as we want to. And it shows how unexpected decisions can leave a real mark on us. This question what's one thing you've done in any area of your life that you never thought you would do? It works because it asks people to look past what we've planned for ourselves and look into those moments that surprised us. And those surprises reveal who we are now and who we are becoming, not necessarily who we expected we were going to be. They invite people to reach for a story that is true even if it's messy and not polished. And for me, that's where we get the real insights when we're telling the truth, whether we've practiced the answer or not. Tara May leads Aspiritech, and she has dedicated her career to creating a space for neurodivergent talent to thrive. Her story shows how quickly your identity can expand when something asks for us to share something personal and immediate. This one stayed with me because it reveals love.

Tara May: 5:11

Ooh, that's a really fun question. I never thought I would donate a kidney to anyone. And six months ago, I gave my kidney to my father. And it seemed like the easiest decision in the world, but I wouldn't have imagined it. Wow.

Manya Chylinski: 5:31

That is amazing, and it's such a beautiful thing to have done. And I think you're right, most of us couldn't imagine doing something like that.

Tara May: 5:40

No, and I know there are altruistic donors who give to strangers, and I think that's incredible. I don't think it would have ever even crossed my mind. But when my dad needed one, it wasn't even a question, didn't even give it a second thought.

Manya Chylinski: 5:54

This moment was about that love and responsibility. That doesn't mean there's not fear, but that's where the courage comes in. And her story highlights how some really significant decisions can come from a part of ourselves we only recognize or uncover if there's a crisis or there's a need. And then there are stories that surprise us in an entirely different way: personal reinvention or letting go of who we thought we were. And Rob Ott brings a methodical mind to his work and everything he does. Structured, deliberate, he's grounded. And that makes this story a really striking example of how people can surprise themselves in unexpected ways.

Rob Ott: 6:40

I love this question. That's really interesting because it makes me think of things that are kind of outside my zone. This one requires a smidgen of setup. Uh, if people that know me will know that I am like a consummate planner, I have lists, I'm the kid who reads the Lego instructions. So, you know, I don't do things that are kind of out of um uh out of the ordinary. And for my 50th birthday, I got a tattoo. And so the but that's not the really surprising thing. What is is I just went and sat in the chair and said to the artist that I love what you do, just draw me a dragon. And had no sketch, no idea, nothing. And I had I had no idea what I was gonna get. And it was kind of a liberating experience. And I think that even when I came home to my wife, she looked at me like, Are you are you crazy? Like, did you get switched? Like there was no uh so it was a really great experience, and it it helped me push a boundary that you know I don't have to plan everything.

Manya Chylinski: 7:37

There's something so powerful about hearing Rob talk about stepping out of the identity that he's held for so long. And it shows us that growth doesn't require upheaval or crisis or massive disruption. It certainly comes from that, but sometimes it can also just be a spontaneous moment or a quiet moment, something that loosens up an old pattern and opens the door to possibility. And other stories I heard this year had a completely different kind of energy, cinematic and full of risk. Nada Nasserdeen is a performer and speaker and someone who understands presence in a way that few people do. Her story had movement and unpredictability and a little bit of weather that came together in an unexpected way. I think it really was an interesting story and reveals so much.

Nada Nasserdeen: 8:33

Okay, the one thing I've done that I never thought I would do is climb Mount Fuji in a typhoon.

Manya Chylinski: 8:38

Okay. There's a lot to unpack there.

Nada Nasserdeen: 8:41

Yeah.

Manya Chylinski: 8:43

Are you a mountain climber in general?

Nada Nasserdeen: 8:45

Nope, not at all. I just uh I've spent time in Japan a multi I've been there multiple times when I used to be a performer. And Mount Fuji was just a thing that I don't know. I just wanted to climb it. And so my younger brother and I, we we decided to go on the excursion, and the typhoon was by accident. Like we were climbing Mount Fuji, it takes two days, and after the first day, that's when the typhoon hit, and it was really, really bad. And uh it was scary, but we survived and we did it. Wow.

Manya Chylinski: 9:19

Netta's story has some exhilaration, a little bit of fear, and it shows how important endurance is, and maybe that's where our resilience appears. She kept going, and that created a memory, and that probably changed how she thinks about herself. Now I've been to Mount Fuji. We drove up to one of the rest stations, and even that was awe-inspiring. It was so amazing to be on the mountain. Hearing her describe climbing it during a typhoon added a layer of meaning I never could have imagined. Listening to these stories side by side is really interesting. These are turning points, and we step into these moments so often without realizing it, certainly not at the time. We don't recognize what it means for our lives. We see a need, an opportunity presents itself, a situation changes, and we have to respond to it. And suddenly we're doing something that would have felt impossible a few years earlier, or impossible to the younger version of ourselves. Most of us think of resilience as something that's forged in fire. It comes out of those hard moments in our lives. And it is, that is true. These stories show another dimension of what it means to be resilient. It can show up at quiet times in smaller decisions, things that change our sense of who we are. And sometimes we only recognize that we were drawing on our sense of resilience or that we have changed because we look back and see that we have grown. We see how that choice or that situation changed our identity or how we show up in the world. And we see the new person we became in that moment, sometimes that can be a surprise. And these moments, these instances in our lives, not only we might not recognize them in the moment, others might not see them as meaning anything or being momentous. And this is when our true selves show up. What we value, what we're willing to risk, what we're not willing to risk, how we adapt when life presents us with a challenge or something new. And these stories make a difference for each of us. They lay the foundation for our resilience, they grow our relationships, they help in recovery, maybe even usher in some sense of reinvention. Now, some guests described a different kind of climb, not a mountain, but towards a version of themselves they never thought about before and never thought they could do. Massimo Bacchus is a leadership coach, and his work centers on authenticity and growth. His reflection looked all the way back to his childhood and showed how our identity and our beliefs about ourselves evolve over time, often in defiance or direct opposition to who we thought we actually were.

Massimo Backus: 12:29

That's a fun question. If I'm being honest, I think there's been many points in my life where I've dreamed a lot smaller and surprised myself. But I think most recently, you know, is publishing a book, writing and publishing a book. I mean, as a kid, I didn't even read books. I'm dyslexic and it just wasn't even a part of my identity books or or or reading or talking about them or anything like that. So um when I think about my younger self and realize that accomplishment, I think many, many past versions of myself would be blown away and pleasantly surprised by by what uh what we've accomplished, what we've achieved.

Manya Chylinski: 13:13

Massimo's story is one of those victories that shape a life. It wasn't achievement for its own sake. It was about him rewriting an old story, one that said that writing or publishing were things other people did. It wasn't something he had access to. And his answer showed pride that can emerge from that kind of work we once felt was impossible, and how we should be proud of that kind of work. And then there were stories where transformation comes through a bit of endurance. Jeff Gorter works in crisis response and he has a deep understanding of how people recover after hardship. His story reflects a physical and an emotional journey stepping back into life after the isolation of the pandemic.

Jeff Gorter: 14:08

That's a great question. And I would say this was kind of my uh post-COVID uh reintegration into life, sort of a statement in that regard. Uh, that myself and three other uh guys, we did the Camino del Santiago in Spain.

Manya Chylinski: 14:25

Oh, wow!

Jeff Gorter: 14:27

Yeah, yeah. And there's many different routes, but we did the we did what's called the Camino Primitivo, which is the first, the the one that sort of established it all back in 800 AD.

Manya Chylinski: 14:39

Okay.

Jeff Gorter: 14:39

And it's considered the toughest because it's more mountainous than uh some of the others. So yeah, walking uh 240 miles in 14 days was something I never would have thought I could do, but was pleasantly surprised that we accomplished it.

Manya Chylinski: 14:56

His story is the power of perseverance. Step after step, mile after mile, he reclaimed a sense of possibility. And that kind of journey, a very literal journey from point A to point B, reminds us that it doesn't have to be dramatic recovery, resilience, doesn't have to be a singular moment. Sometimes it's a journey. It's that long path that you walk alone or you walk with others, and by the end, you recognize a strength that you didn't know you had when you started out. Hearing these moments together make me think about what it takes for guests to share pieces of themselves so openly with me. That is trust. Across all the episodes, some of my guests shared funny stories, some talked about being vulnerable, others talked about how they themselves were surprised by the action they took or the thing that happened. And each one was honest, and that's the foundation for the show. And that's something I don't take lightly. It's really important to me, and it enables the podcast and all the stories we share to show our shared humanity, our shared humanness, what connects us. I'm so grateful for this space. And this space only exists because people are willing to bring their whole, sometimes messy, always beautiful human selves into our conversations. And their reflections shape the year for me in ways I could not have predicted. These moments I shared with you today are a small window into the generosity and amazing humans behind each episode of this podcast. And sharing these stories reminds me of that moment on stage in Paris. Unexpected, a moment that asked for courage or a willingness to see yourself differently. One minute I was in the audience laughing, one of many faces in the crowd. The next I was on stage and being taught to dance in front of a room of hundreds of strangers, with no idea of what was coming next. It was a moment that asked me to be present, to be willing to find the humor and the flexibility in it, and to be willing to do something unpredictable. And if you know me, you know some of those can be very difficult for me. And I also think as I'm going through these stories about the fact that every culture has stories about crossing a threshold. Sometimes it's literal, a physical barrier someone has to cross for enlightenment or insight. Other times it's an emotional barrier, a hero's journey through challenging times, and you come out the other end of it completely changed. These threshold stories exist because we humans have always tried to make sense of the moments in our lives, the moments that shape us and make us the people that we are. Crossing into something unfamiliar has meaning. Whether the moment of that crossing is dramatic or barely noticeable. We create these stories and we share these stories so we can understand ourselves and our lives and our place in our societies. And it's such a wonderful reminder that our identities are not fixed. We grow, we change, we navigate our lives, big moments, little moments, big decisions, little decisions, people of all types who are part of our lives. These episodes and the stories I share today are an example of what can happen when we move towards something uncertain, when we step forward, we raise our hand, we answer a need, and then only later realize how that moment changed us, and that we're capable of more than we thought, maybe even more than we ever imagined we could be. And if you're thinking about your own life, I ask you, what is one thing you did this past year in any area of your life that you never imagined for yourself? It could be something no one else noticed, or no one else ever needs to know about. It could be something big and dramatic, small and quiet, something that changed the direction of your life, or reinforced the direction you're already moving in. These moments matter. And sometimes we can't see them until afterward. Only then can you see where you stretched, how you adapted, where you find strength you didn't know you had. Well, thank you for listening this year and for making space for these conversations. Your attention, your curiosity, your presence, your support is what allows this show to exist. I'm grateful for every guest who trusted this space with their stories, and for every one of you listeners who carries these stories forward. Everyone has a moment that feels like stepping onto a stage without warning. This episode is an invitation to notice that moment in your own life and consider what it says about.