Notes on Resilience

158: Resilience Without The Hype, with Shaun Murphy

• Manya Chylinski • Season 4 • Episode 1

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Ever wish you had a steady rhythm to move you through doubt, fatigue, and fear? 

We sit down with Shaun Murphy—Mr. Motivation—to explore how a veteran turned educator, musician, and author uses leadership and motivation to transform pain into power. Sean shares the core lessons from the Army: leaders provide purpose, direction, and motivation, and trust is built by keeping your word even when it’s hard. From running large teams to teaching in classrooms, he shows how empathy and consistency inspire people to go further than they thought possible.

This conversation digs into the heart of resilience: reframing setbacks, finding meaning at your own pace, and stacking small wins until self-doubt runs out of oxygen. We unpack how broken promises to ourselves erode belief—and how to reverse it by choosing one habit, meeting it daily, and letting momentum rewire your identity. Shaun also examines the systems around us—parents, coaches, media—that shape confidence, and he makes a case for protecting your energy by curating the voices you let in. 

If you’re navigating change, leading a team, or just trying to keep your promise to yourself, you’ll find practical tools and a mindset you can carry. 

Shaun "Mister Motivation" Murphy is a U.S. Army veteran turned motivational speaker, educator, musician, and author of Unbreakable Valor: Triumph Through the Soul of Resilience (May 2025). After overcoming the trauma of losing his father at age six and rising from poverty in Brooklyn, he served in the Army and led veteran recruitment efforts for Teach For America—earning recognition from Michelle Obama 

Today, he blends original music, storytelling, and mindset coaching to empower individuals and organizations to break through fear, scarcity, and self-doubt 

Shaun lives with his wife and two children and continues to inspire change worldwide through speaking engagements, workshops, and his signature "Breakthrough Bunker" platform.

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Shaun Murphy:

Every choice you made was the right choice. You just gotta understand what was right about it.

Manya Chylinski:

Hello and welcome to Notes on Resilience. I'm your host, Manya Chylinski. My guest today is Sean Murphy, aka Mr. Motivation. He's a U.S. Army veteran, a motivational speaker, educator, musician, and author of Unbreakable Valor, Triumph Through the Soul of Resilience. Today we talked about resilience, turning adversity into advantage, and a little bit about fear and self-doubt. I think you're really gonna enjoy the conversation. Sean, I'm so glad we finally have a chance to sit down and talk today.

Shaun Murphy:

Oh yeah, likewise, likewise.

Manya Chylinski:

Thank you so much for being here. The very first question I start all my guests off this year is what is one thing that you have done in any area of your life that you never thought you would do?

Shaun Murphy:

Oh, let's. So I've done a few things, but my music journey. So I'm uh Mr. Motivation, the speaker, but I'm also a musician. And uh I did uh I think a 40-minute set in Philly at the Falsa Club, and all music, 40 minutes, me. Like when I look back in life, I'm like, what? You know, I mean, I always thought I was like, I wanted to be, I'm from Brooklyn, so Jay-Z, biggie influence, and you're like, I want to do that, but it's like how? And then all these years later, I'm doing it. So I'm living literally living a dream.

Manya Chylinski:

That is amazing. And what is your instrument?

Shaun Murphy:

Yeah, no, just um my mind, I like rap, spoken word, then I fuse the two. So when I do my speaking presentation, it's like a keynote meets concert because I fuse them and I, you know, just really engage the audience. So yeah.

Manya Chylinski:

Oh, I love that. Keynote meets concert. That's I can picture it perfectly. Um, well, thank you for sharing that. I think many people might not have imagined to find themselves singing on stage. I think that's so amazing. We're gonna be talking about compassion and empathy and leadership, but I'd love to start with your name, Mr. Motivation. Where did that come from?

Shaun Murphy:

Yeah, yeah. So I have this song called Cadence. It's like it's spoken word with a nice beat, it kind of gives it its due diligence. So think uh basic training, you run in and you're tired, you're about four miles in, drill songs running. He's like, I promise when we get to the water tower, we all done. So we give it all we got to get to the water tower. We get there only to see him take off even faster. No, I gave you all I got, but listen, here hit this cadence. I'm uh motivated, rock. And you just like everything in you just uh able to go to next level. So when I decided to create a platform to help others on a global scale become their best version of themselves, I said, I want to be the cadence for you. So when you're ready to quit, when you feel like you're not enough, you got dealing with self-doubt, you tap into one of my songs, one of my spoken word pieces, all my music, and it's gonna give you what you need to go next level and to keep going.

Manya Chylinski:

Oh, I love that. That you'll be the cadence when somebody doesn't have it for themselves. And speaking as someone who has, I'm sure so many of our listeners have had those moments where we just don't have it ourselves. That's so amazing that you have that ability to share that. Now, you mentioned the army, so I think you have a background in the military. And how did that help you with what you're doing today?

Shaun Murphy:

Man, who you talk about. So I go to the military backstory. I dropped out of college, I went to Binghamton and just wasn't ready. I was still a wild boy. My mom told me I need to go to the military straight, and I didn't listen. In any event, I ended up there and a lost dude didn't know where he was going. I a wandering generality, just no vision, no clue. And it was in the military, a few things happened. I I saw leaders who set examples that I didn't want to follow. Leaders that they like the way they were, the way they treated troops, I didn't want to be that person. Uh, two, um, my peers decided to change their life and do bigger things and better things. And I was like, wow. And I tell the story at the time about my boy Buddy Lee. He said, Murph, I'm about to get promoted to E4, E5, E6. I'm going to Hawaii. And I'm like, what are you talking about? Like, why? You're my drinking buddy. We can go play basketball. I still had that lacking mindset, and I watched him do everything he said he was gonna do. And I'm like, wait, this is the dude that was just right next to me. And I'm not from a negative space at all, but I said, Well, if Buddy Lee could do it, I know I could do it, you know. I mean, so I saw that real-time example, and um, I had another guy, he was um a Marine older than me, took me under the wing for listeners and viewers, lost my father age six to um gun violence. Uh, so I didn't grow up with that father figure. And big bro became that for me. He was a big bro. He took care of me, gave me guidance, direction, motivation, which we done call an army. That's the definition of leadership, providing purpose, direction, and motivation. And man, through him, I was able to because I wanted to get out of the military after four years. I was like, I'm over this stuff. And yeah, this is for the birds. And he's like, What you gonna do? I said, You know, I'm gonna go to school. He said, Well, you school's free, yeah, you're not doing it. And then he just laid into me, sit your behind now, this is what you're about to do. And for the first time, I sat and I listened, and ma'am, I followed it to the T and I I got promoted at a high rate of speed, and then I became a leader of others, and I got into leadership at a young age, and I had to lead people that was older than me. So when you talk about compassion and empathy, I understood that early. Uh, because the military is like a melting pot. And I remember um, you know, my girl Will, she was um probably in her 30s. She said, Sanjay Murphy, why do I have to listen to you? I'm older than you. I said, Well, you might want to check your collar because I got three up and one down, and but it was a thing, and I really had to, I think, grow up faster. I didn't have any kids, so I had to learn how to lead others. And I think it was through one, having those mentors, virtual mentors, but reading books just on leadership. One of my favorite books now, and I got more into reading later, never split the difference when he talks about tactical empathy, and like you got to become the person to really understand what they're going through to then make a decision about what's going on. And you know, this takes years to develop. Talk about compassion. I I've led in many capacities. Uh, Army, I ran the census out in um Pennsylvania. You at you uh at one point in time, you got about two, two, three thousand people reporting up to me. And so you gotta always say anything that's important to the people that under my leadership has to become important to me. You know what I'm saying? And then when they think you really care, that's when they they they they'll go through a wall for you, you know what I'm saying? So that's been my experience. I mean, so yeah, military census, and I think well, even in education, where you like leading students, you know. I've taught middle school to college now. Um, that's a different type of leadership, you know. I mean, when you're helping your peers in the classroom as well. Right.

Manya Chylinski:

Wow, you've had a lot of different leadership experiences. I'm so curious about the leading people who are older than you, because at a certain point, this might happen to a lot of people that are our leaders are are younger than us, but there can be a real difficulty in believing that someone younger than us knows what they're doing. First of all, you have to empathize with them. But how do you how do you lead when somebody's doubting your abilities?

Shaun Murphy:

So, one, I always say, and when I to come into my young guys and gals that uh in this space, I say, well, you you always have to be the fountain pouring. So you have to read, you have to be studying things, and then feed the team. You know what I mean? So then they they look like, oh, you know, this person is younger than me, but it dilutes, it goes away after a while because you're feeding them something they didn't know, they didn't know how to do an experience they didn't have. So I always say to you, you gotta diversify yourself in experiences and in reading, and then share that with the team. And they're always looking to, you know what? I always say, you know, I'm the tower, you know, I'm in leadership. Someone always has a tower, you're the tower, all commands come from the tower. You have to be the tower, though. You get me?

Manya Chylinski:

And you have to build trust. That's a word that comes up a lot in this podcast in these conversations. The the importance of trust that goes both ways.

Shaun Murphy:

Yeah, and it and I think it lies in, you know, uh one of my favorite books is uh the four agreements. And one of those agreements you make with you in the universe is be impeccable with your word. If you say you're gonna do something, you say you're gonna be somewhere, do it, be there. And then your subordinates, they're gonna be like, you know what? Whether they like you or not, because everybody's not gonna like you. They're gonna say, but he or she keeps their word. If they say they're gonna do something, I could back it. That's all that that's foundation that you can now build on.

Manya Chylinski:

Right. And what you said is so interesting. You might not like the person, but if you trust them and they're in a leadership role, you will you'll come fly, you will deliver if you need to.

unknown:

Yeah.

Shaun Murphy:

Yeah.

Manya Chylinski:

One of the topics that I know you talk about is turning adversity into an advantage. And you shared a little bit about you um losing your father when you were young. How does somebody take those experiences and grow from them and learn from them? So many of us have had so many adverse experiences, and it can be easy to just let them get you down.

Shaun Murphy:

You know what it is I've I've found over the years. Um things happen, life's gonna happen, tragic things are gonna happen. How will you respond? Right. So you can look at it and say, Oh, why me? This thing happened again. This is the fifth thing to happen this year, and you you've been that that that you know that that victim mindset. But what I do, and I would encourage you, viewers and listeners, ask yourself, what am I supposed to learn from this? Like you take that pain point, but you look to extract the nuggets because everything happens for a reason. You're like, oh, I made bad choices in life. No, every choice you made was the right choice. You just gotta understand what was right about it, right? And a lot of times we fail once, twice, 20 times, and you'll be like, damn, all these failures, but then if you look back, it becomes a staircase that takes you to where you're supposed to be. All those failures you build on, you build on. So it's all about this. I mean, we talk about this all the time mindset, how you framing it. Um, I tell my kids all the time when things happen, you can't get upset. If if you gave that thing value, now it's a thing. But if it's not value, let it go.

Manya Chylinski:

Yes, yes. And just speaking from my own experience, and you tell me if this is similar to yours, the thing about that is it takes a little while sometimes after the adversity to realize maybe there's something I can learn here. Maybe I'm giving it too much, you know, too much value, too much power in my life. But that that doesn't happen right away necessarily.

Shaun Murphy:

So here's the thing that there's this quote. I forget where I got it from. Um, I found a 10-acre lot because I was looking for the 10-acre lot. So when that thing happens, that tragic thing, you gotta seek out what am I supposed to learn from this? And it's gonna take time, and you gotta be patient. But if you're actively looking for it, you start to attract what you're looking for. And it's just the the the ways of the universe. If you tap into the laws of the universe, that's kind of just how it is.

Manya Chylinski:

Yeah. Now you said something interesting, and I want to push back a little bit. You said everything happens for a reason. I am actually someone who does not believe that that is true. However, I do believe you can find meaning in everything that happens to you. So I'm just curious your thoughts about that.

Shaun Murphy:

In life, you you just can't control everything. So for me, I I I operate from a place of like what can I control? Because I'm overprotective of my energy. And things happen, and I I mean, I guess for me to accept it, I have to have that mindset that there's gotta be a reason here somewhere. So I don't hang out in the why me, woe is me. So I think I almost I'm also an uh optimist. So I'm like, there's gotta be some kind of positivity here. That's how I the lenses I'm looking through when I say it happens for a reason. Yeah.

Manya Chylinski:

Okay. Yeah. So you're so I think maybe, maybe I just don't say it the same way that you do, but essentially it's the same thought, which is can I find some meaning from this? And you know, not everybody does find meaning from adversity, and that's okay, that's the way it is. But I think people like you and me are ones who look for what can I do with this now? Interesting. So, you know, I know that you work with individuals and you work with communities and organizations. How do you help us and thinking specifically organizations now? How do you help them understand kind of how to help their people deal with adversity?

Shaun Murphy:

How do I help orgs help them people? Well, I mean, I even the military we did this, this top-down approach. You can try to go to everyone in the congregation or the community or organization, or you could educate, empower, and equip the leadership with the tools, systems, and strategies they need to go next level, and then they can then push it down. So I tell you what, I think that's the better approach, right? Because the congregation or the people, they have the leadership as the trusted voice. So if I educate the person at the top, then the trusted voice is sharing that information. It's probably more easy, easier to digest and receive. Right.

Manya Chylinski:

I guess I'm thinking, you know, you talk about the concept of resilience. That's something it's the name of the podcast. That's something I talk about. How do you help people understand resilience and think about their own resilience?

Shaun Murphy:

Yeah, well, I share my story. You know, I share my story and I look for, you know, where's the synergy? Now I always say everything I say may not be for you, but it only takes one thing to change everything. Uh, so you think about my story, you know. I said I grew up, I was born into this world with three strikes, a black male born into poverty, born fatherless, right? Um, now that was my start, but I didn't let that stop me, right? Um, did I have setbacks? Sure. That I share the fact that you know I'm grounded in my why. If you're grounded in your why, you can go don't you the the how, the where, all that figures itself out because life's gonna knock you down. My my mantra, I fail, I grow, I win. That's rooted in my story. You know, I used to get bullied by my teacher. That could have shut me down in in terms of like the confidence piece, not wanting to speak up. But you know, I said, all right, what can I learn from this? And I became like the comedian, and I'll you know, clown myself, and then I'm clowning other people, and that's how I made it through the hood, you know, as a comedian. So I took these pain points, and then you you almost gotta it has to transition into power, and then in that power, you grow that self-confidence. And when you I have delusional self-confidence, but this is a kid that's been through a lot, right? Then I then I find my purpose and I walk in that. That's where it becomes transformational. So when I'm out and about and I'm speaking and talking, I I share my story, and I'm hoping that you know what, this story becomes a blueprint so you can sidestep the landmines I went through so you can go next level even faster. Right, right.

Manya Chylinski:

And as you know, and as so many of our listeners know, there's such power in storytelling and sharing our stories. And as the person who hears it and and you see a little bit of yourself in that story. Yeah. So that is so amazing. You know, when you're out there talking to your, you know, you're giving your keynotes, you're talking to organizations, what kind of resistance do you face from people who are saying, I can't do this, I don't want to do this, this isn't the way to do this.

Shaun Murphy:

I always tell people, you gotta, it's a reflective thing. Are you where you wanna be? Have you done all the things you need to be to get where you want to go? And if the answer is no, then all right, let's start there, right? So I always say, like, who are you, where are you, and and and why are you here? Those reflective questions, because I'm a guide, I'm not gonna get you where you want to go. I'm gonna help you re what is it, reflect on the things that you want and the journey that you it's gonna take for you to get there. So it's a lot of that, it's a lot of reflective practicing, journaling, because the person has to. There was this one show, not a show, uh Les Brown, he said the dog was on the floor and it was, you know, murmuring. They said, What's wrong with it? So I got nails stuck in it. I said, Well, I'm gonna put the nail out. I said, Oh, it don't, it don't hurt bad enough. And for many of us, it just doesn't hurt bad enough. Like, you're okay with where you're you, you alright with it. It's your your new norm. So for me, it don't matter what I say, it just doesn't hurt bad enough. See, for me, I got sick and tired of being sick and tired. I say, you know what, you know, poverty sucks. I'll never be broke again. It's something just hit, and it has to be that time where it hit, then you meet me, then the opportunity, then the planets alive. Now you go on next level. You see what I'm saying? So that's that's how I do.

Manya Chylinski:

So interesting, the the doesn't hurt bad enough. I think sometimes we get caught up in I should change, I should do this, but then we don't actually make the change. And maybe it's because the the problem isn't a big enough problem. Interesting. No, I'm I'm just thinking of examples in my own life where wanted to make a change, but just never managed to do it. And realizing, yeah, because it wasn't a big enough, a big enough challenge. So what is the biggest challenge out there that you see for people who are wanting to make a change, who are trying to be resilient, who were trying to figure out what is my next step? What do you think is the biggest challenge people are facing?

Shaun Murphy:

I'd say uh self-doubt. A lot of people just don't believe they can do it, they don't believe they deserve to win. They don't believe people who come from where they come from win in life. Uh, and oftentimes I say, you know, words are powerful, you know, and it's about the words you're saying. So I say, you know, I'm sure we said in some capacity of our life, I'm gonna stop smoking, I'm gonna start working out, I'm gonna quit drinking. We don't stop, we don't start, we don't quit. And over the course of time, of you lying to yourself, now you get a bright idea. I want to change my life. Well, you don't believe you. And that's how that self-doubt kind of just lives and festers. So you gotta actively, intentionally undo that stuff. Speaking positivity, like speaking it with intention and following through on things you want to do. Uh do low hanging fruits, get the win, get a third, fourth win. What that do builds momentum, you know what I'm saying? Progress translates to happiness. So that's where I see it lies at. And I think it starts with you know, what are you saying to yourself?

Manya Chylinski:

Interesting. So you know that I think about things from a systems level. So when we're talking about self-doubt, that is personal. And I doubt, I may doubt it, but sometimes that's coming from somewhere else. That's society saying people like you don't do this thing. And then we internalize that.

Shaun Murphy:

Even another level layer. So remember, I've taught at uh every level, every educational level set except uh was elementary. I remember in high schools, you have parents who were telling their kids, you ain't gonna amount to this, you can't do that. And with them, and this is real, it's wild, it's so real. Like the parent may have had a big dream, got pregnant, or or the career didn't go how I wanted to go because they have a child, and now they hold this like resentment, and then it comes out in speech or action, and then now the the child takes this on, has this like that's because I was saying what's the origin? What's your origin story? And I could tell you kind of what why you uh are where you are, right?

Manya Chylinski:

Because we take those messages in from I mean, especially from our parents, that's such a primary piece. But media, TV we watch, the what our politicians say.

Shaun Murphy:

Sometimes you got coaches. Remember, now if a coach was an athlete back in the day, there was no it was a NIL deals, there was a lot of things that's weren't there. So the coach may subconsciously not really like the fact that you're on this trajectory, and he or she couldn't. So it's coming from everywhere. So you really gotta protect your energy. That's why I pour into my students, anyone in my sphere of influence, about the power of positive self-talk, the power of like limiting who you're listening to, you know what I'm saying? Because it all affects you.

Manya Chylinski:

It does. You know, you've said a couple times the phrase protecting your own energy, and I so appreciate that. And it's something I've had to work at, but I see the difference in my life when I take care of I don't have the ability to focus on that right now.

Shaun Murphy:

Yeah, yeah. No is a full whole sentence. No, done.

Manya Chylinski:

You know, that's something so many of us uh need to remind ourselves of sometimes. Yeah, yeah. Sean, we're getting close to the end of our time. So let me ask you what is giving you hope these days?

Shaun Murphy:

It's a good question. Yeah, I'm gonna I'm gonna go with uh uh my motivation music. My motivation music, the being intentional with the sound and the the lyrics, clean lyrics, positivity. Like it's almost like a speech with rhythm. And the the hope is that like people are listening and like catching, like, oh, this is actually it. I'm like, yeah, play some more. So I'm even more inspired to write more, create more, perform more, get on bigger stages, and in any capacity, whether it's a talk or only music, you're gonna get this motivation music. So that gives me hope that it's being received well globally and and and um spreading positivity.

Manya Chylinski:

Oh, I love that. I love that. Well, can you tell our listeners a little more about your work and how they can reach you?

Shaun Murphy:

Oh, absolutely. Uh uh www.mr.com. I'm on Spotify as Mr. Motivation, M-I-S-T-E-R motivation. And I have like um a school of the hard knocks where I do these one to three minute clips, they quick hitters, and then you have Mr. Motivation Music full blown. I just released a song for the love of women. Uh have one Psalms Wide Open, has like a faith-based um foundation uh that I think you all love. And and um, like I said, and music has actually become my therapy for years. I never talked about my dad and and and losing him, but I did a song Let of the Dad, I think that a lot of um, especially my fellas might might tap into. So yeah.

Manya Chylinski:

Oh, wonderful. I'll include notes to those in the show notes, so uh links to those in the show notes so people can reach you. And Sean, thank you so much for this conversation. I've so loved talking to you.

Shaun Murphy:

Likewise. Hey, listen, anywhere I could be of service, please hit me.

Manya Chylinski:

Absolutely. And thank you to our listeners for catching this episode, and we will see you next time.

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Manya Chylinski

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