177: How Lived Experience Turns Into Real Support, with Cynthia Conigliaro

You can feel it everywhere right now: more stress, less sleep, shorter tempers, and a quiet sense that a lot of people are barely holding it together. 

We sit down with Cynthia Conigliaro to talk about what resilience actually looks like when life hits hard and does not let up. Cynthia shares the real work behind being positive, and why that label often hides a long history of effort, grief, and growth. 

We get personal about lived experience, from years of infertility and pregnancy loss to a terrifying medical emergency when Cynthia collapsed on a run with her heart rate at 16 beats per minute, later receiving a pacemaker. We talk about what it means to rebuild trust in your own body, why anniversaries can be a meaningful part of healing, and how simply being understood can lower shame and isolation faster than advice ever will. 

From there, we zoom out to collective trauma, indirect psychological injury, and the mental health aftershocks we still underestimate even when physical wounds get immediate attention. We unpack why healing is not linear, why culture shapes grief, and how stay strong can sometimes become emotional avoidance.

We end with practical workplace insights: heart-centered leadership, burnout signs, and why AI and automation make caring for people and building psychological safety even more essential. 

Cynthia Conigliaro has been in the field of health and wellness for over 20 years. She is a coach, speaker, and the founder of her corporate presentation business Work Well Webinars where she delivers wellness presentations virtually and in person to companies all over the country. 

• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/cynthia-conigliaro-mba-msw-hwc/

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Transcript

Why Everyone Feels Maxed Out

Cynthia Conigliaro 0:01

I think our society is extremely stressed out. I shouldn't say I think I know. Depressed, anxious, I mean the percent of adolescents who are struggling with depression and anxiety is just skyrocketing. And this all increased after the pandemic hit. Alcoholism's on the rise. You know, it's just people aren't sleeping. People are anxious. They're burned out.

Meet A Resilience Coach

Manya Chylinski 0:26

Hello and welcome to Notes on Resilience. I'm your host, Manya Chylinski. My guest today is Cynthia Conigliaro. She's a coach, social worker, speaker, and founder of Work Well Webinars, where she delivers wellness presentations virtually and in person on topics relating to emotional and physical wellness. We talked about resilience. We talked about what we think we're getting right, where we need to be thinking about improvement, and had an absolutely fabulous conversation that I think you're going to love. Cynthia, I'm excited that we're going to be talking on the podcast today. Thank you for being here.

Cynthia Conigliaro 1:07

Thank you for having me, Manya. I'm really excited as

The Work Behind Positivity

Cynthia Conigliaro 1:10

well.

Manya Chylinski 1:10

To get us started today, what would the title of a book about you be if your worst enemy wrote it?

Cynthia Conigliaro 1:20

I love that question. Wow. My worst enemy, let's see. What comes to mind first probably is that person might name the book. Is she always this positive? Okay. Okay. And why is that? Well, I tend to be a positive person. It's taken me a lot of work to become this way. Um, it's it's a long process. Um, life has its ups and downs. And I think with time you kind of learn how to grow as a person and as a health and wellness coach for almost 25 years. I've worked with many people on mindset and changing their mind to the positive. And I've also am a resilience coach, so I've focused on the topic of resilience for many years. And I've kind of just internalized everything I've learned and applied it to myself. And I think sometimes people will say to me, like, you're such a positive person. How did you become that way? Why are you this way? Are you always this way? Are you always happy? And I always say, No, I'm not always happy. I can assure you, I have days when I am not smiling, and life is not always a bowl of cherries. Um, having said that, I've done a lot of work on myself in order to both help myself and help my clients. So that that's kind of why they came to mind.

Manya Chylinski 2:49

And I appreciate you mentioning that it can be a lot of work to get to that state. Um a lot, a lot of living, a lot of trying to understand what what does it mean, what happened, why, etc.

Cynthia Conigliaro 3:04

Mm-hmm.

Manya Chylinski 3:04

No question.

Cynthia Conigliaro 3:06

No question.

Infertility Loss And Giving Back

Manya Chylinski 3:07

So a lot of people have had a moment in their life that changes how they think about leadership or how they think about taking care of other people. What was one of those moments for you?

Cynthia Conigliaro 3:22

I think what comes to mind is kind of the path I chose with my professional kind of journey. I definitely had a number of bumps in the road and in different aspects of my life. Um, uh, one of them was trying to have a child, for instance. I went through years of infertility and also a lot of pregnancy loss. So I had a lot of miscarriages. It was extremely stressful, very, very difficult. And uh that experience really propelled me to decide to help other women who are struggling in that capacity. So now I lead a mindfulness group for women who are dealing with all those things that I went through. And I work one-on-one with people, I lead, I talk with groups, I do lots of present presentations and webinars. And I think sometimes the road that you've been on can really lead you down different paths and help you to decide what's meaningful for you and how can you help other people? So I really think some of the difficult times of my life have led me to go down the paths I've chosen.

Manya Chylinski 4:35

You know, you and I were chatting before we hit record about the fact that it's hard for some people to understand other people's experience. So your experience that you just shared, my own experience, because they haven't gone through something similar. Exactly. As you were talking, I realized the value, there's such value in people who have been on this journey to then turn around and help others.

Cynthia Conigliaro 5:06

Such value.

Manya Chylinski 5:07

Yeah. Because you do understand that in a in a very specific way.

Cynthia Conigliaro 5:12

Yes, exactly. I can give you another example,

A Sudden Heart Crisis And Aftermath

Cynthia Conigliaro 5:15

Mania. So a little over 10 years ago, I was out on a run, normal day for me. Uh, never had any issues with my heart. Everything always has been fine. And I collapsed. And I literally was seconds away from dying because my heart went to just 16 beats a minute. Oh my. Yeah, I was literally seconds away from dying. So a person happened to find me right on the road. She was driving to work. She saw me, she called 911. Long story short, the EMTs took my pulse, they said, Oh my gosh, she's at 16 beats a minute. So, you know, I had a lot of medical situations during that week of the heart. I now have a pacemaker, which I'm truly grateful for. But I now give presentations from the American Heart Association and I talk with people who are struggling with heart issues because that was a very traumatic experience for me because I almost lost my life, right? So I was literally afraid of having such an experience again, or or just I wasn't feeling comfortable in my own body. All of a sudden, my heart that was so healthy just failed me, right? And so I give a lot of talks now to groups who have people that are are dealing with serious medical situations that they can't control that are kind of like shocks to their system. Like, like, how could this happen to me when I'm so so healthy? So, to your point, I think having that lived experience is so powerful for people.

Manya Chylinski 6:47

Yes, absolutely. And I'm pleased to see more and more examples of across different areas where people are recognizing the importance of bringing in someone with lived experience who can really speak to what it means to feel that from the inside.

Cynthia Conigliaro 7:08

Definitely. Yeah, I agree. I agree. I think we are seeing that more and more, and it it is really fantastic. I think people are recognizing like the value of that. Right.

Manya Chylinski 7:18

And

Collective Trauma And Mental Health Gaps

Manya Chylinski 7:19

life is, I'm gonna say, no bowl of cherries. Right. It is not, that's for sure. Sometimes it is, and then most of the time it's not, and sometimes it's even worse than that. And when I'm with other people, you know, who experienced the bombing, which I was this past weekend because of the anniversary as we're recording this. I was there's so much, there's so much value in the fact that we all know this about each other, and it's this shorthand, and we don't have to explain if we're feeling something or saying something or doing something. And I imagine it feels the same for you with the communities that you're working with.

Cynthia Conigliaro 8:02

Yes, no question. No question. And doesn't it just feel so powerful to be able to give back when you can see that they're they're just so relieved that wow, someone else really truly understands what I'm going through because they've gone through it also. And I find this in my support groups with the women who are struggling with pregnancy loss and infertility. Now, I went through what they're going through a long time ago, because my daughter now is 21 and my son is 18. But the fact that I went through what they're dealing with is so comforting for them.

Manya Chylinski 8:37

Well, and there's value in the fact that for you, it was a couple of decades ago, because the other thing I've noticed is when I, other people who've been involved in terrorist attacks or mass violence, before my experience, I'm looking to them as someone who has an extra 10 or 15 years on me in terms of knowing what to expect of the, you know, the roller coaster that this can be. So there's value in it being a little bit in your past because you can show people there is life 20 years out.

Cynthia Conigliaro 9:14

Exactly. Exactly. That's such a good point, Manya, because it's so true. Like they'll say to me things like, Will this ever get better? Will I ever feel okay? Like, you know, they're in the midst of just continually obsessing about this, you know, situation, which is understandable. I was in the same boat. And so it's almost like it's hard for them to even imagine not being in the situation that they're in, right?

Manya Chylinski 9:37

Yes, yes. And and I have seen in my own experience, I have seen that that sigh and the shoulders release when somebody realizes that you understand them and they don't have to explain themselves. And maybe it's the first or second time they've really tried to even tell their story. And there's such power in that. And I always feel that it's for myself as I'm experiencing that it's so special to be able to offer that kind of support that not a lot of people can.

Cynthia Conigliaro 10:18

Exactly. I know it's so true. So true. And the other thing is, like, and I'm sure you would agree, I'm really thrilled with the fact that our society recognizes the value of mental health so much more than ever before. I really think the pandemic did really, and studies have proven, you know, our society is aware of the importance of, you know, mental health and resources are much more um extensive than 20 years ago. So that's, in my opinion, a huge kind of silver lining of the horrible, you know, COVID-19 pandemic. I think our society does need to do more in the way of focusing more on kind of the indirect trauma that occurs in situations like the marathon bombing, but that you yourself witnessed, people like yourself, and you you've said this in your podcast, and we've talked about this, you know, didn't receive the kind of support that maybe you were looking for. And I'm hoping that now that some time has passed, maybe, God forbid, if we have another situation, maybe not exactly that, but another situation, maybe there will be more focus on those innocent bystanders that did not get physically hurt, but they did get psychologically hurt. And those wounds can go on and on and on.

Manya Chylinski 11:46

Yes. Yes. That's my that's my mission, and that's my dream, that we get to a point where, you know, we know we know bad things are gonna happen. So the next bad thing, please let's pay attention to the mental health side of things. And and as you know, the long-term effects. It's it's important to give that validation and recognition early on. It's also important to remember that for some people it can go on for a while, even for you.

Cynthia Conigliaro 12:16

For sure. And it can come and go, right? I mean, so I'm a social worker, and so I'm thinking about a couple of people I've worked with, and you know, it was the kind of situation where they were dealing with a real crisis or traumatic experience, and they then improved and progressed, and and things were looking, you know, on the upside, and then they slid backwards. So it certainly isn't a linear progression, right? There's so many kind of journeys that people go on that can derail them at different times in their life, and it's it's really complicated for sure. Absolutely.

Grief Culture And Not Rushing Healing

Manya Chylinski 12:51

We were talking a little bit about how society is the needle's moving a little bit. People are recognizing about the mental health side of things, and thanks to the pandemic, when things go wrong for somebody or for group, people often with the best of intentions and they mean well, but they say or do something that makes things harder for the person who's recovering. What kind of things are those that get in the way of recovery and healing?

Cynthia Conigliaro 13:26

I would have to say, um, because I do a lot presentations on dealing with stress and adversity, you know, dealing with grief and loss. And I always tell people it's super important to not rush the healing process. You know, it's really important to make sure you go through those grieving stages. And it's interesting because I've done a lot of research on this topic, and so many different cultures have different ways that they grieve. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah. So you know that's what I'm talking about. And you know, there are some cultures where they're not going to want to show emotion, they want to move forward and they they're really encouraged they're really trying as much as they can to portray a very kind of strong, like can do anything attitude, and I'm I'm tough and I can keep moving forward. And that's great to have a resilient attitude, but at the same time, there's a lot of uh negative implications from not really processing your feelings.

Manya Chylinski 14:32

Well, and you touched on something so important in the kind of work that we both do. There isn't a one-size-fits-all answer. And there, depending on the culture you come from, depending on your family growing up, depending on how you've experienced life, your other traumas you may or may not have gone through. So it can be hard to figure out how to deal with something that's happened in your community, for example, because people are going to be reacting so differently. And some people will be fine right away. Many people will be fine. But then how do you identify the others and how do you help them? Because it's going to be different for each of them.

Cynthia Conigliaro 15:14

Exactly. It is really tricky when it's a when it's a collective traumatic situation. Very different from dealing one-on-one with someone maybe who just got in a car accident. I have a client who got in a car accident, and so she's traumatized now. Who wouldn't be, right? She she had a very dangerous situation. So now when she gets behind the wheel, her stomach starts to get, you know, in knots. And so that's different, a one-on-one traumatic experience versus a collective traumatic experience. It's very, very different. I I would love to like read more about that. I'm sure there's a lot of research out there. Probably not enough, though. Probably not enough.

Manya Chylinski 15:52

Yeah. There's some there are some good research reports out there. And the studies that I've seen, first of all, that say that there are going to be more mental health wounds than there are physical wounds. And so I find that so interesting because we still focus on the physical, which is important. And also that, you know, people will be affected, but most people won't need formal mental health treatment. And most people aren't going to develop PTSD. Some percentage might. And, you know, for some people, going the formal mental health route is important. Um, but that might not be the way for other people that they need to heal.

Cynthia Conigliaro 16:34

Right. It's true. Yeah, you never know how how people, you know, are going, like you said, are going to react to a situation. And you mentioned earlier, you know, some people will be perfectly fine, you said, you know, but maybe those people are choosing just not to think about it because it's too painful. And I've heard that too, you know, like I just don't want to think about it moving forward, you know. Exactly.

Manya Chylinski 16:57

In the early stages, you can't tell who's actually fine and who's pretending they're fine.

Cynthia Conigliaro 17:02

Yeah. But you know what's interesting? Like, I I actually have chosen a little bit of a different path in that way. I I've had a couple of what I would describe as traumatic events. Most of them are health related. Um, and I'm that person that, like, we talked about this before we got on the on the podcast interview. Like, I do recognize the quote, anniversary of my traumatic experience. I think it's important to recognize it. I think it just helps to just process what happened and also to realize that this situation, which was clearly

Anniversaries Mindset Shifts And Burnout

Cynthia Conigliaro 17:37

horrific and nothing I ever would want to live through again, I made it. I got through it. I'm a resilient person. And that's something that I teach is I I teach and I coach on resilience. And I do believe that that old that saying we've all heard, but doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I do believe that, Mania. I truly do.

Manya Chylinski 18:00

I mostly agree with that. Yes. Exactly. Well, you know, you've said the word resilience a few times, which is um, I have said on the podcast I have a love-hate relationship with the word.

Cynthia Conigliaro 18:13

Yeah, I know you've said that. Yeah.

Manya Chylinski 18:15

It's an important concept, and and individually we all have some level of resilience. Um, but you know, what question about resilience or healing or leadership in adversity do you think that we're still not asking?

Cynthia Conigliaro 18:31

I mean, so I I coach and I teach on resilience, right? I teach on mindset shifts, you know, I do all that stuff. I don't really feel like we're doing that enough. I don't feel like we're talking to people enough about how to go about changing your mindset, how to become more resilient, how to kind of get out of a negative space, so to speak. We we are trying to help people to focus more on lifestyle strategies, which I 110% support, such as, you know, mindfulness, meditation, healthy breathing, you know, healthy eating, exercise, all those good things. But trying to really help people to notice their thoughts and change their mind and their mindset to be one of more, more positive, more self-affirming, all those kind of aspects of our mental well-being, I think we need more of that. I think our society is extremely stressed out. I shouldn't say I think I know. Depressed, anxious. I mean, the percent of adolescents who are struggling with depression and anxiety is just skyrocketing. And this all increased after the pandemic hit. Alcoholism's on the rise. You know, it's just people aren't sleeping, people are anxious, they're burned out. It's just our society needs more mental health support. It's that simple.

Manya Chylinski 19:57

Thank you for that. And you know, I think about, as do you, about organizations and how do we support people who are going through this. And the fact is, as you were talking, it was reminding me that you can ask the executive leadership of a company to make sure it's more resilient and build in these structures and processes. If they're not feeling resilient, if they themselves are struggling, then it's going to be very hard to create that environment for everybody else.

Heart Centered Leadership In The Workplace

Cynthia Conigliaro 20:31

Oh, for sure. Definitely. And that's why that's something I've done over the past couple of years is I've trained managers in leadership and in resilience. We have a training called It's Heart-Centered Leadership. And it's all about really helping managers to see the importance of being empathetic leaders and to really looking at their employees and how are they actually doing? Have you spoken with your employees? Are you observing how they're doing? Have you talked to their managers? Are your manager, the managers telling you that, you know, the employees are burned out, they're not showing up to work, they're not communicating, they're acting angry, they're arguing with each other. These are all signs of burnout and anxiety and uh depression. So I think it's really important to make sure that leaders are aware of how their employees are actually doing and trying to train them in really trying to notice how the employees are faring and being aware of what's going on. And in my opinion, one of their most valuable assets that's their employees.

Manya Chylinski 21:43

Oh, yes, absolutely. You know, in this in this world of AI and which I always remind people, it's a tool. It's not, you know, it's a tool that we're using. And I understand the hype about it, and I understand why people are you. Know wanting to replace repetitive processes and all of those things. And as we move down this, I keep thinking, your people are even more important now.

Cynthia Conigliaro 22:12

100%.

Manya Chylinski 22:13

I don't know that every leader is looking at it that way, but to me, I'm like, this makes people more important. And this makes taking care of your people more important.

Cynthia Conigliaro 22:22

No question. And it affects the bottom line. I mean, the employees will be happier if they're better taken care of. And when I mean taken care of, it just means the leaders are paying more attention to them, listening to their needs, trying to make sure it's a positive culture. The environment is conducive to team building and you know, fostering growth environment where they can build their skill set and everything else.

Manya Chylinski 22:48

Right. Absolutely. Absolutely. Well, Cynthia, we are getting close to the end of our time. And we have already decided that we could talk for hours and we are going to, but we're going to do the rest of it offline. Yes. Over a cup of coffee, right? We're both Bostonians. Exactly. Before I let you go, please share with our listeners a little bit more about yourself and what you do and how they can reach you.

Cynthia Conigliaro 23:13

Sure. Thank you so much, Mania. It's been so great to be on your podcast. I absolutely love your podcast. I listen to many of the episodes, and it's just fantastic. You bring up such great concepts.

AI Makes People Matter More

Cynthia Conigliaro 23:24

So thank you for having me. So my website is workwellwebinars.com. And you can find me on LinkedIn, please do. I'm a huge fan of LinkedIn. I've met so many fantastic people on that platform, including you, Manya.

Manya Chylinski 23:40

I know.

Cynthia Conigliaro 23:42

Yes. So find me on LinkedIn. And so a little bit about me. So my background is both mental and physical wellness. I'm a social worker and I'm also a health and wellness coach and a resilience coach. And I work for a number of wellness centers in the Boston area. And I'd love to talk to anyone who's interested in talking with me. So thank you so much.

Manya Chylinski 24:08

Awesome. Well, thank you for sharing and thank you again for this fabulous conversation. I really appreciate you taking the time today.

Cynthia Conigliaro 24:15

Thank you, Manya.

Manya Chylinski 24:16

And thank you for listening to this episode of Notes on Resilience. We will catch you next time.