Do Pets Grieve After a Loss? A Pet Loss Doula Explains

Do pets actually grieve, or are they reacting to routine changes and stress in ways we don’t recognize? And how much of what we label as “grief” is really our own emotion spilling over into the way we interpret their behavior? 

In this episode,  Amy talks with Kate LaSalla, a pet behavior consultant, companion animal end-of-life death doula, and certified pet loss and grief companion, about what pet grief can look like, what might just be pet care routine disruption, and what to do when your dog or cat’s behavior changes after a loss. 

BY THE TIME YOU FINISH LISTENING, YOU’LL DISCOVER:

• The most common behavior changes pets show after a loss, and why the relationship matters
• How human grief and anger can affect a surviving pet’s anxiety and fearfulness
• When “normal” changes become a medical concern, and when to loop in your vet
• Why “animals understand death, not disappearance,” and what that means for households with multiple pets
• What to do if you’re grieving too, but still need to support your pet’s routines and provide good pet care

CONNECT WITH KATE LASALLA
WEBSITE | Rescued By Training

OTHER LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:
Rescued By Training blog post on pets and grieving
Advanced care directive
“When is it time to say goodbye?” download
And be sure to check out all the other fantastic posts and resources on Kate's page!

Questions or a story you want to share? Leave a voicemail at Petparenthotline.com or join the Pet Parent Hotline Insiders Group.

Chapters

• 0:00 Do Pets Actually Grieve?
• 1:53 Why This Topic Is So Hard To Define
• 3:06 What We See In Animals After Death
• 5:41 Routine Changes vs “Grief”
• 6:52 The 2022 Study and Common Behavior Shifts
• 9:55 How Human Grief Affects Pets
• 11:45 At-Home Euthanasia and Why It Can Help
• 12:21 Keeping Routines When You’re Grieving
• 13:50 When To Call The Vet
• 15:44 Stop Projecting, Track Observable Behaviors
• 17:44 Behavior as an Early Warning Sign
• 19:23 When “Loss” Leads To Positive Changes
• 22:00 Should You Get Another Pet Right Away?
• 25:36 Meeting Species Needs During Grief
• 29:19 Planning Ahead and Support Resources
• 32:23 Resources and How To Reach The Show and Share Your Story

Transcript

EPISODE TITLE:
 Do Pets Grieve After A Loss? A Pet Loss Doula Explains

HOST:
Amy Castro

GUEST:
Kate LaSalla

SUMMARY:
Do pets actually grieve, or are they reacting to changes in routine, environment, and the humans around them? In this episode, Amy Castro talks with behavior consultant Kate LaSalla about what we can observe when a pet or human dies, what research suggests about behavior changes in surviving pets, and how to support them without projecting human emotions onto them. You’ll also hear why at-home euthanasia can help surviving pets understand what happened, when to call your vet if your pet stops eating, and why rushing to “replace” a lost pet can backfire.

LINKS (SHOW + GUEST):
Show: www.petparenthotline.com
Guest: www.rescuedbytraining.com
 

VETERINARY DISCLAIMER:
This podcast is for educational purposes and is not a substitute for professional veterinary care. Always consult your veterinarian for medical concerns about your pet.

TRANSCRIPT NOTE:
This transcript has been lightly edited for clarity and readability while keeping the original meaning and tone.

CHAPTERS:
 [Optional, add if you want them]
 00:00 Do Pets Actually Grieve?
 01:53 Why This Topic Is So Hard To Define
 03:06 What We See In Animals After Death
 05:41 Routine Changes vs “Grief”
 06:52 The 2022 Study and Common Behavior Shifts
 09:55 How Human Grief Affects Pets
 11:45 At-Home Euthanasia and Why It Can Help
 12:21 Keeping Routines When You’re Grieving
 13:50 When To Call The Vet
 15:44 Stop Projecting, Track Observable Behaviors
 17:44 Behavior as an Early Warning Sign
 19:23 When “Loss” Leads To Positive Changes
 22:00 Should You Get Another Pet Right Away?
 25:36 Meeting Species Needs During Grief
 29:19 Planning Ahead and Support Resources
 32:54 How To Reach The Show and Share Your Story

TRANSCRIPT:
 Amy Castro (00:00)
 Do pets actually grieve or are they reacting to change in ways that we don't really understand? And how much of what we think is grief is actually coming from our own emotion? Today we're gonna dig into what we really know, what we don't, and how to make sense of behavior changes that you might be seeing in your pets when their world shifts. Stay tuned.

Amy Castro (00:27)
 You've reached the Pet Parent Hotline, your lifeline to practical solutions for your toughest pet parenting challenges. I'm your host Amy Castro, and I'm here to help you cut through the noise and turn expert advice into step-by-step strategies so you can stop chasing your tail and start enjoying life with pets again.

Amy Castro (00:51)
 Hey there everybody, it's Amy Castro. And I don't know what your journey has been when it comes to grief and having pets in your household, whether you have lost a human in the household with pets living there, whether you have lost other pets in the household. And I can say having been in both situations, I'm still confused about whether our pets feel grief in the way that we seem to want to interpret it.
 And so today I'm talking with Kate LaSalla, a certified behavior consultant and trainer who specializes in fear, aggression, and complex behavior. She's worked with nearly 2,900 animals and has logged more than 8,300 hours of hands-on training. And in addition to that, she's also trained as a pet loss and grief companion, as well as an end-of-life doula.
 Kate's experiences, I think, really give us a unique perspective on what pets might be experiencing during a major transition or after a loss. So Kate, I'm really glad you're here with us to have this important conversation.

Kate LaSalla (01:51)
 Thanks for having me back.

Amy Castro (01:53)
 Yes, I'm glad to have you back. It's been a long time. Been a while. Yeah, it has. And just for anybody, if you want more information about what we're talking about today, one of the whole reasons I reached out to Kate was because of a great blog post that she did about pets and grieving. So if you are not a subscriber to her blog, which covers tons more stuff than just that, of course, you definitely need to get on that because I give you huge kudos for the free resources that you put out there and such.
 Knowledgeable information that you put out to the world about dogs in particular. So I appreciate it. I appreciate them. I learn something every time I read them. That's great. Yeah. So today we're talking about obviously a sad subject and that is grief. And I have to admit and I admitted this to you before is that, you know, when I originally went into the idea of doing this episode, I thought if somebody said to me, Amy, do you think that animals grieve? My first gut response would be no.

Kate LaSalla (02:30)
 You.

Amy Castro (02:52)
 But I think that's because of how we look at grief. Without giving a yes or no answer, if somebody says, do you, Kate, do you think animals grieve? How would you answer that question?

Kate LaSalla (03:06)
 I would say we have a lot of examples from the animal world of them doing what we can interpret as grief. So when we look at wild animals like elephants or dolphins or wolves or orcas, we see lots of examples of them gathering around a body, burying a body. There's a video that goes around that was from this last summer of a mother orca pushing her dead baby through the water for days and days and days.
 Chimpanzees are known to clean the teeth of their dead companions. So I think we have a lot of sort of evidence from the wild world of animals grieving or going through some sort of processing of that loss.
 So I think, you know, it's natural to jump to our companion animals and anyone who has had multiple, you know, a multi-animal home may have noticed behavior changes when there's a loss, whether it's companion animal loss or a human loss.
 So in my death doula work, I get called in often to support not just the humans who are grieving the loss of their companion animal, but the loss of the companion animal to the remaining housemate pets. And that's kind of what spurred this blog post that I wrote about, because it's a common enough topic that I felt like I needed to put some information out there.
 Whenever there's a loss, whether it's, you know, any family member, human or companion animal dies or becomes ill, everyone in the household is aware of that. And I think dogs and cats, especially dogs with their incredible sense of smell are probably more acutely aware of physical changes in that declining being than we are because they can smell those function changes in their companion, housemate pet, or the human if they're dying.

Amy Castro (05:03)
 So they've kind of got that anticipatory reaction that could be happening depending upon the animal as well. It's an interesting point. And I think where I run into trouble sometimes is the idea of how we define grief? And that's where I really kind of took a step back from my initial, no, I don't believe they grieve. Because it depends on how you define grief, but if grief from a dictionary definition is an emotional and physical response to loss, just for a simplified version of it, then I would say, absolutely, animals are feeling, you know, they may not be feeling all of it or the same things that we feel. Would you agree?

Kate LaSalla (05:41)
 Yeah, you know, they're not gonna have the same emotional response that humans do because their communication styles are different. But I think we wanna be careful not to over humanize what we're seeing, because what I find is animals are very affected by routine changes.
 So when there's a loss in the household, the routine changes. The humans are upset. The humans are crying. Their routines are disrupted. Maybe they're not going to work. Maybe they're not getting out of bed. Maybe the animal's schedule is off from when they're getting fed, or they're not going out on a walk because the human is so deeply affected by this loss.
 And those changes in the normal routine can be very upsetting for remaining household pets. And so those changes can cause behavior changes. Dogs are social animals. They rely on social groups and relationships for security and predictability. So if a housemate or a family member dies, that social structure is disrupted. And so that can trigger anxiety in dogs.
 There was a paper in 2022 on dogs losing housemate dogs and sort of what the key takeaways from that were so that we could support those behavior changes in dogs after the loss of a housemate. So they were careful to not definitively label those behavior changes as grief, but they did document a lot of behavioral changes in over 85% of the surviving dogs.
 So there were things like increased attention seeking. So they might be more clingy. Your dog that normally didn't shadow you or follow you around the house, when you get up to go to another room after a housemate dies, that dog might follow you suddenly, even though they didn't do that before. Reduction in play, reduction in appetite, sleeping more, even some fearfulness or increased vocalization. So those were some of the sort key takeaways that they had.
 But it was interesting because in that paper, they determined that the relationship between the animal that died and the animal that remained, those changes were more prominent if the relationship was what they considered friendly. It didn't have anything...

Amy Castro (07:53)
 Was gonna ask you about that. Did you love Fluffy?

Kate LaSalla (07:58)
 Yes, exactly. So it didn't have anything to do with the duration. It didn't matter how long those animals had lived together. But if they were pro-social with each other, if they had sought each other out, if they had good positive relationships as opposed to antagonistic or sort of asocial tolerant relationships. I just live with you. You just exist. We happily coexist, but we don't really interact.

Amy Castro (08:18)
 I put up with you.

Kate LaSalla (08:24)
 Those animals actually didn't show any significant change in their behavior, but the ones that were bonded in some way, regardless of how long those animals had lived together, those were the ones that were much more deeply affected.

Amy Castro (08:37)
 Well, and that makes sense, right? Because if you had a distant uncle who passed away and you weren't particularly fond of the person and didn't spend any time with them, you're not going to be boohooing over it. But the closer the person is, the more of a reaction that you're going to have. It's funny, my daughter and I were taking a walk this morning and we took my bulldog with us and we had a discussion.
 It wasn't even necessarily about death, but just about being separated because we've got three dogs and we've got three cats. And she tolerates everybody, but I don't think she gives a rat's patoot about really, like if somebody was suddenly gone, it would just be more food for me. You know, because of exactly what you said, I think the level of interaction is more like, I'm laying in my bed and Gigi comes over and bothers me and I lean away and I growl at her a little bit. Sometimes she will play with Gigi, but for the most part she just tolerates her.
 And so it's an interesting point because I think where we're going with all of this, or I think where I wanna go with all of this is it doesn't really matter how we define it, but I think it's important, like you had said in the article, is how we respond to it. If you're seeing the behavior changes, especially if they're negative behavior changes, then you want to be there to support your pet, which I think sometimes is tough for people because you're grieving the same thing that that pet is grieving.

Kate LaSalla (09:55)
 Our pets are very in tune to our own behavior. So that human side of things affects them. That paper that I mentioned from 2022, they noticed that humans who reported higher anger and grief scores for themselves, that was correlated with increased fearfulness in the surviving dog. So if you are so angry that your pet passed away and you're throwing things or you're yelling or you're visibly angry, that's going to increase the likelihood that the surviving dogs are going to start to be fearful.
 And fear in dogs can be transmitted through sight and sound and smell. So when we're angry or upset, our cortisol levels spike and dogs can smell that. So it is very possible that those remaining animals are responding to those changes in their humans rather than directly the loss of the canine companion or the other companion, but supporting them.
 So even if they're not grieving the same way that we think of grief, it's still, as you're saying, important to support them through that loss.
 So the first thing when people contact me, if the other housemate animal hasn't passed away, the first thing I recommend is always in at-home euthanasia. Animals understand death. They don't understand disappearance. So if you take your animal that needs to be euthanized off to the vet and your other housemate animals don't get to go and see that animal get euthanized and they just disappear, that's where I see an increase in the remaining pets vocalizing and wandering and pacing and sort of seeking, searching for that.
 Right. But if you do an at-home euthanasia, they can choose whether to be there or not. They can sort of see what's going on, but they can smell that body after the animal has been put to sleep.

Amy Castro (11:32)
 Yeah.

Kate LaSalla (11:45)
 So I think having that at-home euthanasia so that the remaining animals understand what has happened is really important in supporting their grief. And then following the animal's lead. If they're really clingy, let them be clingy, you know, support them, comfort them, try to maintain that routine. So like I said at the beginning, when your routine is disrupted, your animals are really sensitive to that change and that in and of itself can cause anxiety. So predictability can help animals feel safe.
 So maintaining the same feeding routine, walking routine, daycare routine, whatever you have going on can be really helpful.

Amy Castro (12:21)
 Yeah. Well, and I would add to that too, think depending upon what the loss is, let's say it's a human loss you're going through. Because what I was sitting here thinking is, this idea of, if I'm grieving, it's hard enough for me to get up and brush my own teeth, let's say, for some people. I mean everybody's different, let alone take my dog for a walk and try to stay on that routine.
 So I would say look for support in that. If your dog's used to going for a walk every evening, then see if there's somebody that can help you. Outsource that if you can. Outsource it, delegate it, whatever you want to call it. But there are ways to do it without you necessarily doing it yourself, because I don't want people walking away from this thinking, you've got to suck it up for your dog. Because obviously everybody needs to work their way through this process in their own way.

Kate LaSalla (13:09)
 For sure. And you know, you can increase easier things like mental enrichment, you can increase food toys, you can increase long lasting chews. So even if you can't manage to get up and go for a walk, maybe we can throw some extra things at the dog to help keep them occupied and give them some activities if they're not getting that regular walk that they're used to getting.
 Or maybe you just take a long car ride if your dog enjoys car rides, and it's not stressful for them. But, you know, from a human grief standpoint, we know that getting out into nature can help us process some of that grief. It can lower our stress hormones. So trying to make an effort to do that can help your dog, but it can also help you.

Amy Castro (13:50)
 Yeah, definitely. How would somebody know when, you know, it's kind like people will ask, well, how much grieving is enough or how do you know when grief has gotten to a point where you need some type of professional help? I mean, is that something that would happen with a pet where their behavior has just gone, you know, like they're not eating? I mean, obviously there's a certain amount of time where you wouldn't want an animal to go without eating or lack of interest in things or doesn't want to go out or whatever it might be.

Kate LaSalla (14:19)
 Yeah, I mean, you want to sort of make a judgment call on that. There's not necessarily a timeline, just like there's no timeline on grief for humans. But when it becomes a physically dangerous thing, then that's something you definitely want to talk to your vet about.
 So, you know, I would say more than kind of a couple of days if they're really not eating, then that's something that you want to talk to your vet about. If there's been really significant behavior changes, like separation anxiety has popped out and they never had separation anxiety before, or they're really just anxious, those are all situations where talking to your vet may be for some short-term anti-anxiety medication or an appetite stimulant or something to help them from a medical perspective because we don't want that dog to physically decline or hurt themselves because of this big life change.

Amy Castro (15:09)
 Right. Well, and especially for cats too. I mean, for those who are cat owners out there, if your cat's not eating, that can turn dangerous way faster than it can for a dog for sure. And, you know, it could be related to the grief. It could be related to change that's created anxiety, or it could just be a total coincidental, you know, your dog having some type of illness or maybe an injury or something.

Kate LaSalla (15:32)
 And that didn't pop out.

Amy Castro (15:35)
 Exactly. So something to definitely be aware of. Is there a harm in projecting or how would you know when maybe you're just projecting things onto your pet?

Kate LaSalla (15:44)
 I mean, I really want people to pay attention to the animal's behavior changes. So we want to be careful not to project our emotions onto the animal, but we do want to pay attention to things we can clearly observe and communicate to a vet or to someone else.
 So, you know, if you can say, my dog is sleeping more than they normally do, they're not eating, they're not playing, doesn't wanna go on their walk like they normally would. Those are observations that are concrete as opposed to, I think he's really depressed. Well, why do you think he's really depressed? What are those behaviors?
 And that's the same approach I take with my behavior clients. I don't want them to say, my dog is jealous or my dog is this. I don't want you to analyze that situation and come to a foregone conclusion. I want observable things that we can then data track, that we can monitor and follow.
 Okay, are they eating and drinking more today than they were three days ago? Are they interacting and showing more interest in play or chewing on a bully stick than they were three days ago? Like, I want tangible things that we can monitor as signs of improvement or decline, not just, he's depressed.

Amy Castro (17:04)
 Yeah, now that's a good point. And I think that's where that projection comes in a little bit. Like maybe I'm feeling depressed or down, so I'm seeing what may or may not be there.
 I think, well, number one, for a lot of people, I think they're not as aware of their animals as they, they maybe, you know, it just happens, but I don't necessarily pay attention or try to interpret what it might mean. Like my dog's looking out the window and whining, you know, what does that mean? I don't know, does he see a bird? Does he want to go out for a walk? Like, you know, there's a lot of ways to interpret that. But the more tuned in we are to what their normal behavior is, and then seeing those changes, it's worth at least investigating what might be going on.

Kate LaSalla (17:44)
 I mean, my behavior clients, I'm always telling them behavior is the canary in the coal mine. So a lot of times people will notice a behavior change long before they realize the dog is in pain and has joint issues or GI issues or allergies. They will notice behavior changes and they're like, something's off with Fluffy.
 And then I'll do my consult with them. And after having a big discussion, I'll refer them for a pain evaluation at their vet saying, okay, all the things you're telling me are potentially indicative of low level undiagnosed pain and it's popping out in these behavior changes and that's something that your vet needs to be looped in on.
 But a lot of clients just wouldn't know to piece together those small seemingly unrelated symptoms as potentially pain or some underlying physical issue.
 Behavior is really key in so many aspects of pet ownership. And it's something that I really wish people were more aware of. What is normal? What is neutral? What does upset look like for your animal? Body language. How does your animal communicate if they're happy? How do they communicate if they're uncomfortable with something?
 Especially in dogs, people tend to think like, well, he's not snapping or growling, so he must be quote unquote fine. But there's a lot of low level warning signs that happen before a dog gets to the point where they're snapping or growling. Right. And so if we really pay attention to that body language and those behaviors in our animals, we can help intervene a lot earlier than waiting for them to be holding up a leg limping before we realize that they're in pain.

Amy Castro (19:23)
 Yeah, that's a good point. And I think so much too, at least in my experience in having multiple dogs, multiple cats at the same time, is that when one is not there anymore, you know, sometimes the behavior changes for the positive because the dynamic of the pack has changed. And I was telling Kate before we started recording about my little dog, Buddy, who was always so submissive because my Doberman Pinscher was the boss.
 And it started out because he, and it wasn't, I was gonna say it started out because he was bigger, but he wasn't bigger when we first got him. They were about the same size, but he just kind of took that more dominant role and Buddy was always the guy that was on his back peeing on himself.
 But after Jack passed away, I thought, he's gonna be so sad and he's gonna miss Jack because they did play together a lot. Buddy was not only fine, but he became much more outgoing, much more confident dog and we're talking about, they lived together for 13 years. I mean, it was a long time. So it was just very interesting to see those positive changes. And I don't recall him missing much of a beat.

Kate LaSalla (20:28)
 Yeah, yeah, we had a similar situation with Boo Boo. So we had two senior dogs. We had Mr. Barbo and we had Boo Boo. We got Barbo first. Boo Boo had lived with her siblings for the first three years of her life before we adopted her. So she had never been a solo dog. Barbo passed away. And we were really worried that she was not going to do okay as a solo dog. But she surprised us.
 She just really became in the spotlight. She loved being that solo dog and she didn't struggle at all really. I mean, there was maybe the first day or two, he had left a no-hide chew that he didn't quite finish before he passed away and she picked it up and she would carry it around the house. She wouldn't chew on it but she would just like carry it around and move it from spot to spot for maybe a couple of weeks.
 But other than that, like, Barbo was a very big personality. He was, you know, super friendly, and he was always like, hey, how you doing? You know, be right up there wanting all the attention. And when that was gone, she was able to get all of the attention without competing with him. And she just really thrived for almost two years after he passed away. So that was a happy surprise.
 I mean, we were very deliberate about arranging visits with neighbor dogs and her biological sister came to visit us, you know, just two weeks after Barbara passed away. So we were very deliberate about setting up and arranging dog-dog interactions for her in that time. She just loved all the attention.

Amy Castro (22:00)
 Yeah. Well, and that brings up an interesting point too, because I wanted to ask what your thoughts were related to running out and getting another pet. And I've always kind of been of the belief that how do you know they want or need that? You know, it's, and I think it's sort of the same with anything. I mean, I see it all the time when I'm out on Reddit. It's like, I feel bad for my cat because I think he needs another cat. It's like, what in his behavior makes you feel?
 And I think it goes back to the behavior. But what are your thoughts about running out and not necessarily replacing, because that sounds terrible, but getting another dog immediately?

Kate LaSalla (22:36)
 You know, my general advice is to take a beat and process your grief. I think some people do that to fill that void for themselves, not necessarily for the housemate animals. Because if you've got a new puppy or a new animal to focus on, you can try to push that grief away and not deal with it. And it doesn't work. It always bubbles up eventually. You can't just push it away and ignore it. You have to feel everything and process everything. So it can be short-term distraction maybe.
 But I would say take a pause, evaluate that behavior in the remaining animals if you're really getting another animal for the remaining household pet. Give them a chance to process that loss themselves. Don't just do it like the next day or a couple days later.
 I would also in that situation recommend fostering because you don't know how you're going to feel having a new animal in the house that isn't the animal that just passed away. So fostering could be also a good way to sort of test out your own heart and how that feels, but to also test out how your other housemate animals feel about having another animal in the home, especially if the animals that are left are older animals, they may not appreciate bringing in an obnoxious kitten or puppy.
 They may want to just live out their senior lives without being jumped on and bitten and played with.

Amy Castro (23:58)
 And it's not going to be the same for you as the human either, because you forget what it's like to have a puppy or a kitten if your dog is older and passes away. And you think, I'm going to go get another lab or another whatever. And it's like, you might be regretting that.

Kate LaSalla (24:13)
 Right, you can't distract yourself from loss. I mean, a lot of people try to dive right back into work or they try to distract themselves from feeling all that pain and anguish. And I understand why, but grief isn't something that you can outrun. You've got to process it. You've got to feel it.
 And when you're in a better state of mind, then make those decisions because bringing in another animal into your home is a 15, 20 year commitment.
 Every grief expert will tell you, don't make any big decisions while you're grieving. Don't go buy a house. Don't quit your job. Don't make any big life changes when you're in this critical grief space, because usually those decisions don't work out.
 So you don't want to make a mistake and bring in an animal that you thought you wanted while you were grieving and then find out, like, actually, I really wasn't ready for this 10-week-old puppy. And now what am I going to do?
 So, you know, and especially if you think you're bringing it in for the remaining household animals, I would really give them at least a couple of weeks to see how that behavior plays out and see what they really look like.

Kate LaSalla (25:36)
 So, I think we have to remember that they're animals and they have species specific needs that we need to make sure we're meeting. So, you know, if we have a dog, especially, we want to give them opportunities to sniff and explore and scavenge and dissect. You know, if you've got cats, you want to make sure they have things to chase and that we're giving them opportunities to do natural species specific behaviors.
 Holeing up and not leaving your home for weeks and weeks on end because you're sad really deprives, especially dogs, of going out and sniffing and exploring and having social interactions that they really depend on. If you've got an indoor-only cat, they're already having a big portion of their normal behavior sort of suppressed in a way because they don't have outdoor access.
 I love catios. I love ways to give cats safe outdoor access where they're not going to get, you know, squashed by a car. But we need to make sure that we're meeting those needs. So making sure that they have hunting opportunities and chasing opportunities, even if they are an indoor cat.
 And it is that balance that you mentioned, like, you know, if you as a human are really struggling with this loss, it's going to be difficult for you to get up and go for a walk or it's going to be difficult for you to put a lot of energy into that, but it is also our responsibility to make sure that we're caretaking in an appropriate way for the animals that we've chosen to bring into our homes.
 So there is that balance. And if you really are struggling with the loss, you know, there's people like me who are pet loss grief companions, there's mental health services, like pet loss is sort of a stigmatized loss. Like a lot of people don't give it the full honor and respect that they do for humans.
 They expect us to just bounce right back to work or just go get another one, you know, as if they're replaceable. It was just a cat, it was just a dog, you know.
 So talking to someone who really can understand that and validate those feelings and support you through that loss can be incredibly helpful. That's a service that I offer, but when I lost my Boo Boo, I saw someone else. I saw another pet loss grief counselor because I needed that support, even though I'm a professional.

Amy Castro (27:36)
 Yeah.

Kate LaSalla (27:59)
 You know, my husband very acutely said about two weeks after Boo Boo died when I was really, really struggling, he's like, you know, Kate, sometimes doctors need to go to the doctor too.
 So if you are struggling so much with your animal's loss to the point where you can't properly care take and give your remaining animals what they need, that's a sign that I think you need some additional support and we can help support you through that. Maybe come up with a plan and maybe outsource a dog walk or get someone over to help you with cat enrichment or play time or things like that.
 But we can't just let those remaining pets sort of languish because you're deep in your grief.

Amy Castro (28:38)
 Yeah, that's definitely true. And I've seen people do that. I mean, I've seen people do that where they've crawled into bed and they brought the dog in with them. And that's fine for a little bit, but the dog needs, like you said, the dog needs to get out and be a dog. It's not going to do well just hanging out in the bed with you for weeks on end. And I like the idea of getting that outside perspective. It can help you and help your pet in those instances.
 Final advice for people who might be going through this right now or they know that a pet loss is imminent, as far as preparing or trying to help navigate that that we haven't discussed so far?

Kate LaSalla (29:19)
 Yeah, so I'm a pet loss death doula. So I play a role before death, during death and after death for post grief support. So I have a lot of free resources, like you said, on my website.
 I have an advanced care directive that can help open those conversations with family members about sort of what treatments we'd be willing to do, what we're not willing to do to really sort of have those conversations.
 I have a free download on when is it time to say goodbye because some people really struggle with knowing what's wrong. So I have a free handout on that. I have one-on-one support sessions that I offer. I do have a blog post on when to get another dog after you've had a loss. So that might be a good thing for some people to review.
 But I do think having that sort of outside support, because when we're so heavy with anticipatory grief, expecting that an animal is going to die or in that grief...

Amy Castro (29:48)
 A lot of people struggle. Yeah.

Kate LaSalla (30:15)
 We're often not seeing things clearly because we're just so colored by all the big emotions that are happening and having someone to help sort of guide you through that process can be really supportive and helpful and make sure that you're sort of looking at things from a clear perspective instead of just being so emotionally driven in your decision making.
 And then I have a self-care after loss guide. So that can be helpful for people who have recently lost and sort of how to do some self care and the important things to take care of yourself, especially if you have another animal. If you're not taking care of yourself and you get sick or you're not in a good place, then that animal is not gonna get taken care of.
 So the whole like put on your oxygen mask before you help anyone else. You have to do some form of self care or you're not gonna be helpful to remaining pets, to spouses, to children, to anyone.
 So it's really, really important that you're making sure that you stay healthy. Grief compromises our immune system. That is scientifically studied and documented. So going through a loss will make you more prone to get sick or have a car accident or have a heart attack or a stroke in the window that follows that significant loss.
 So it's really, really important to make sure that you're staying hydrated and eating just a small bit. Even if you don't have a big appetite, you want to eat some healthy, nutritious snacks, and really stay hydrated and get some sleep.
 And if you're having trouble sleeping, that's something that you can talk to your doctor about, maybe some sort of sleep aid. I definitely got some medication when I was going through losing Boo Boo because I was not sleeping and I knew that that was not gonna help me.

Amy Castro (31:52)
 Yeah, yeah. Well, and all of that that you're experiencing, you know, physiologically is impacting pets too. I mean, so it becomes a real, not necessarily a chicken and egg thing, but you're definitely, you know, it's a symbiotic relationship. So everybody's got to be at their best for the relationship and for the household to function.
 Well, yeah. Exactly. Well, Kate, thank you so much for being, for having me.

Kate LaSalla (32:15)
 Creates a big cycle.

Amy Castro (32:22)
 Yeah, and talking through this subject, I have to say that I feel very differently about it than when I first started thinking about doing this episode. And so I'm glad that we had the opportunity to talk it through. And I'm very hopeful and actually pretty sure that the things that we talked about today are going to reach somebody who needs it either because they're going through it right now or because they're anticipating going through it.
 So I appreciate you taking the time to share your experiences and your expertise with us today.

Kate LaSalla (32:53)
 Happy to do it.

Amy Castro (32:54)
 If your pet is acting differently after a loss or a major change, send me your questions or leave a voicemail at thepetparenthotline.com. And I can point you in the right direction for resources so you can sort out what's normal, what might need attention, and what steps you can take to help your pet adjust.
 If you've been through a grief journey with your pet or are currently on one, I encourage you to come and share your experiences and ask your questions in the Pet Parent Hotline Insiders Group. Your story and your questions might be exactly what somebody else needs to hear.
 So until next time, just know that you're supported and your pets are too, no matter where you are in your journey and what changes come your way.
 Thanks for listening to the Pet Parent Hotline. If you enjoyed the show, don't keep it to yourself. Text a friend right now with a link and tell them I've got a show that you need to hear and ask them to let you know what they think. 

And remember, your pet's best life starts with you living yours.
So be sure to take good care of yourself this week and your pets.