Leadership Polarity

Using the Leadership Polarity bars I use in my classes to explain people’s temperaments and desires and where the discrepancies might be in what people want and what they are able to create in their partnerships.

OmRupani.org

www.OmRupani.org

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:02

Hello everybody. Today's podcast has visual tools. So if you're listening to this just on audio, you may have a difficult time following. Please watch this in video on my YouTube channel or on my teaching website at omurpani.com. I have created this little slider bar system to explain and help teach in my class about polarity dynamics, about leadership dynamics. My desire always is to really explain things to people on how things work. There's a lot of burden of ideology around any conversation around there being a leadership followership dynamic between men and women, a hierarchy between men and women. I'm only interested in functionality. So the world has been trying egalitarian man-woman relating for at least 60 years. We have kind of thrown out gender roles, we have thrown out man-woman polarity. We certainly have thrown out any kind of a leadership-followership dynamic in the man-woman relationships, or what BDSM people would call a DOM sub-dynamic. So ultimately, I myself am not preaching, not really interested in preaching to anyone that this is what you should do. My interest always is in trying to understand why relationships work, why they don't work. And oftentimes in our current debacle, disaster, catastrophe that the current man-woman state is in the world today, I am able to track down some of the causes, some of the symptoms of the breakdowns in the leadership, followership possibilities between men and women. This is just my opinion, my view. So just want to explain to you my opinion and my view a little bit more clearly with the help of slider bars. So I've created this uh row of slider bars on leadership polarity dynamic. I feel there are different parts to our makeup. There are different parts of us that show up in our relationships, in our man-woman relationship. And how the men and the women are holding their positions in these different categories has an impact. So these may be generalizations, but the generalizations are broad enough that they deserve to be spoken of and understood. Nothing is 100%. There are 8 billion people on the planet, so there are always people with different temperaments who are doing things differently and making it work. My stand always has been: if you have found a way to make your relationship work, that is the goal. However, you have gotten there. If your relationship is full of functionality, love, peace, if the two people care for each other, if the two people feel my needs and desires are being met and seen in this relationship, then you're golden. You don't need to take anybody's class, you don't need to learn anything new. Keep doing what you're doing. But when things aren't working, it's reasonable to ask, considering how important relationships are, how important man women relationships are, whether we can track down the causes. So these might be some of the ideas about it. Okay, so let's start here. So the first category I've called developed temperament. I've deliberately not called it just temperament or your native temperament, because I believe temperament actually is not a static factor. Our temperaments very much are influenced. I think the masculine and the feminine temperament in our time in the 21st century and perhaps for the past 50-60 years have been heavily influenced by culture. In short, women have become more masculine, men have become more feminine, and that is due to the cultural message of how a man should be, how a woman should be, and how our parents taught how their sons should be, how their daughters should be. And of course, we are very social creatures, we are very malleable, we are always looking to win socially, so we are always looking for social cues. So I don't believe our temperament is like some immaculate stone that we are just born with. I believe it's heavily influenced, and a lot of the work that can go into creating balance and polarity between a man and a woman, if that's the direction you want to go in, uh, can be done by changing your temperament, by realizing your temperament isn't anything sacred. Your temperament really has been an adaptation. This is why I've labeled this developed temperament. I've created in this chart a few profiles. On the women's side, there's a profile of the submissive woman, uh, which is what I teach in my class. The modern woman, what I call the modern woman, which I believe is kind of a false archetype. It is very much the feminist pseudo-archetype of the strong independent woman. I believe it's an overlay. It is that is very much a cultural artifact. I don't believe the modern woman archetype actually is a genuine locale in the feminine soul. I believe it is a modern adaptation through cultural agreement on what a modern woman should be, which essentially is strong, independent, masculine, go-getter, so forth. The egalitarian woman, which is uh so many, I mean, of the population, you can say the modern woman, the egalitarian woman is almost a softer level of the modern woman. The egalitarian woman believes in equality, she believes in equal partnership. Most of the people, most of the women walking around, most people in relationships today are in egalitarian relationships. They believe in equal partnerships, they don't believe in hierarchy, they don't believe anybody needs to lead anybody, anybody needs to be quote above anybody, anybody needs to take direction from anybody. We're just equal, we do things together, we decide things together, and that that's enlightened, that's the progressive breakthrough. Men and women are the same, or even if they aren't the same, they're completely equal, and they can just decide things together. Okay, even if that works for you, no problem on my part. And then there's the boss babe. The boss babe kind of really has a bit of an attitude, she is particularly masculine, she's a go-getter, she likes she openly competes with men, she competes in the work world, in the entrepreneur world, she pushes herself forward, she's pretty assertive. Uh and so these are my very subjective profiles of what I see in these types of women, and then also the flaws I see in what they want from their desired man, because I think that's where the rubber meets the road. I personally have zero investment in how any single human being decides to express themselves on this planet. You are a sovereign being, you go be however you want to be. As long as you're not hurting anybody, I really don't care. It's absolutely your prerogative to say this is my take on masculinity, this is my take on femininity, this is how I choose to be and express myself. You go be you, absolutely, and I mean that from the bottom of my heart. I'm not saying that sarcastically. The challenge comes when you are seeking partnership, when you say, I am going to be this expression of masculinity, and I'm looking to partner with that kind of a woman, or you say, I'm going to be this kind of a woman, I'm going to be a boss babe, or I'm going to be a modern woman, or I believe in the egalitarian model. And when I ask, well, what kind of man are you attracted to? What kind of man do you want to be with? And you tell me, I see a possible conflict, and I think a lot of misery in our current world is being created because of this gap. That at one level, women have been told, you be you, you do you. Don't let anybody tell you how to be a woman. Certainly don't let a prick asshole man like me tell you how to be a woman. Please, for the record, I know it's very hard to hear this and keep remembering it. I don't give a rat's ass what kind of a woman you want to be. You really you do you, you go be you. I don't really give a shit. But when you bring your boss babe, and then you say, I want a partner that looks like that profile, I might be able to point out to you why you have not succeeded in securing that man in 20 years. I'm actually your friend in that department. I could actually tell you why you are not winning the man-woman game. And that's the point of this conversation. That's the point of visualizing and really clarifying what is happening with people. So in this chart, there is a blue square for the man and a red circle red circle for the woman. Left side, the red side is submissive polarity, on the right side is dominant polarity. Right. And then the way to play with this little tool is well place yourself on each of these bars, and then place your partner where you would like them to be, or place your current partner where you think they are, and then examine what's working and what's not working. It may really give you a visual aid, a way to visualize the dynamic of your relationship so you can see what the hell is going on, and then see if there are patterns. See if right on these bars you can observe. Uh-oh, something looks reversed over here. This is a really fancy tool I've created with the help of AI. God bless Claude, that even civilians with no experience of coding can create this thing. So there are multiple buttons in here. I will go through them as I talk about them. You can create your current profile of a relationship, and then you can create a second desired profile. So if your current profile looks like one thing and your desired profile of how you would like your dynamic with your partner to look like looks like something else, then in that gap between where you are and where you would like to be, there is a lot of information for you. There's a lot for you to think about. And I'm really, as I said, I'm really interested in explaining things. You can even go at the bottom and see where your configurations and polarities might be reversed, and maybe that's why you have not succeeded in attracting the kind of partner that you are desiring. It's for you to play with, for you to figure out, for you to place yourself and see what's happening in your life. Alright. So I picked I picked the egalitarian woman and her desired man for the purpose of this talk and this little demo. So this is how I see the egalitarian woman. Again, this is my interpretation. You can play with this chart on my website and do other things with it. So in my in my perception the this would seem like the normal position, but my at least my mildly polarized that the woman is on the submissive side, the man is on the dominant side. But that's not the case with the egalitarian couple. Truth is every woman who is born into feminism is at least slightly masculinized. Femininity has been shamed by feminism. So I would say even the quote unquote average woman, woman who wears dresses, wears lipstick, presents herself as a woman, loves being pretty. Right. And the men, for better or for worse, are not far away from the woman's temperament. If anything, they may be slightly less masculine than the woman. Today's men are very soft, they have been encouraged to be soft, their assertiveness has disappeared, their aggression has been shamed, and they believe being soft and kind of meeting the woman where she is, and even then the woman tends to be a bit more dominant than the man. So this is why in my profile the egalitarian woman, in her developed temperament, is slightly to the right of the man. Next category is containment, and this is ultimately a leadership evaluation. Who's leading? In her temperament, the woman is leading, she is dominant. Whoever is dominant is leading. Even the egalitarian people believe we are equals, they are seldom truly at zero zero, in my opinion. Usually they are kind of here, they're close to zero, but not zero zero. The woman is a slightly more assertive and dominant than the man by her side. This is normal. This is your average luncheon party. This is your average cocktail hour with couples, wife's in charge, but they are equals, equal partners, egalitarian. Next comes containment leadership. Yeah, containment is whose nervous system is more stable, who provides stability to whom. I believe this is quite an important category. In my world, in my opinion, I really believe this is the way things ought to be. That men ought to be really strong and giving containment, and they should give superlative containment to their women so they can be really on their soft, feminine, submissive side, and that this is what most women are actually craving. A strong man who can contain them. In the egalitarian dynamic, this is oftentimes one of the biggest breakdowns. Neither partner is good at containing the other. The men are really not good at containing their women. They have kind of dropped the ball on it, they don't know what containment is. If anything, men have been encouraged to be emotional, men have been encouraged to be watery, they have been told that is the new masculinity, that is a non-toxic masculinity. Don't be tough, don't be the tough, silent type, don't handle your emotions, express yourself, cry three times a week, cry in front of your woman. I'll say this one more time, I'll probably say it 20 more times. If this works for you, you're golden. Turn me off, go elsewhere. If you are in the middle as a woman, and your man is here in the middle with you, and neither of you can offer each other containment, and that's good for you, that works for you, then the egalitarian model is working for you. I got I got really nothing to teach you. This is one of the most common breakdowns I see in the world. This is one of the most common breakdowns among the couples who come to me for coaching, is that the woman has not felt contained. Oftentimes she doesn't even know what containment is. She saw some of my videos and it hit her like a ton of bricks, like, oh my god, that's what's been missing. I have been well contained in 10, 20 years. I've never felt well contained by my man. Now that's a problem. So that's something to consider. Where you are, where do you desire to be? I would say, in desire to be, again, we are looking at the woman's desire here. We're looking at the egalitarian woman. I would say the woman may call herself egalitarian. It doesn't mean she doesn't have deep need to receive containment. She may call herself egalitarian, she may say she's here, but actually, when it comes to needing containment, she wants to be here and she needs her man to be here. This thing in the middle actually doesn't work for her. This kind of man she doesn't feel is actually holding her. She doesn't feel held by this man. Right. So that's about containing containment leadership. Where are you? Where do you want to be? Right. You should be able to map yourself and your current partner on these charts very easily. Right. So once you say, oh, my man's temperament, oh, he's definitely here or here or here or me, I'm kind of here. Right, your partner may think you're elsewhere on the bar. That's also a good comparison to make, but you decide. You decide for yourself where do you think you fall in these different ones, and then see if that's working for you. See if you and your man kind of nobody occupying containment leadership position is working for you. If it is, you're golden. Next is financial leadership. I think even the feminists, even the boss babe, even the modern woman, even the egalitarian woman, they will all confess, nah, it's better if the man makes more money than me. Your egalitarian model might say, no, no, no, no, no, we make the same amount of money. We're equal, equal, equal, equal. No problem. Equals fine, but truly, equals fine, and truly for most women, first of all, it really isn't cool at all if the man is making less money than the woman. Really doesn't work for women. Deal breaker, Eros destroyer. When the man when she makes more money than the man. Okay, once again, if it's working for you, fine. But this doesn't really work for a lot of people, and this is a place again where men are failing badly. Men are not making as much money, men are not graduating college, women are speeding ahead. We can take this out of balance. We can say women are making more and more money, and men are making very little money, and women do not like this configuration in their finances. Right. Is that really working for you? If it's not working for you, if a lot of these configurations are not working for you, right, you may want to consider you're actually not an egalitarian woman. Because this is what egalitarianism claims. We are the same, we are the same, we are the same. And is that working for you? Or whether you would be that your man actually be pretty manly so you can feel like a girl, that in containment your man be superlative and giving containment, so you can receive containment and in your money, even if you are making a good deal of money, that certainly your man should make more. This is the configuration you're desiring compared to where you say you are because this is what an egalitarian couple, in my view, looks like on the average. Relationship leadership sounds like a silly term, it is the most important and significant element. It's about who is leading in the relationship, and once again, the egalitarian couple will say, Well, nobody's leading. But here's the truth. So this would be the test. Who has the final word when you disagree? Right? Who has the final word? And if you want to push the notch a little a little bit deeper, who in the relationship is okay with giving corrections to the other? Right now, if you genuinely are egalitarian and nobody has the last word, and nobody gives correction to the other. But if you look around, generally it's everybody's living the happy wife, happy life scenario. The woman may say she's egalitarian, but if she doesn't get her way, she will make your life hell. And the boss babe will not even hesitate to say that will be so. I have the last word. I get the last word. If we disagree, things will go as I say they will go. That is relationship leadership, right? And if the woman is in the leadership uh lead relationship leadership, she is the Dom. She is the dominant, and the man is disobmissive. It is the hallmark of a hierarchical dynamic. Who has the final word and who has the right to correct the other while the other takes the corrections? Right? You can just uh translate this to the military hierarchy, and it becomes really, really clear. Right? The sergeant doesn't give commands to the major. Commands don't go up. The sergeant doesn't correct the major. The major corrects the sergeant, the major gives commands to the sergeant. It's a hierarchy. Whoever is higher in the hierarchy has the final word. Whoever is higher in the hierarchy gives corrections to the people who are lower in the hierarchy. So in today's world, who is giving corrections? And who has the final word? Women do. Truly, the women do. Yeah, it's assumed and understood that man doesn't have the final word. If you don't give the woman the final word, your life is only going to get more miserable day by day. She will make sure of it. Right. So once again, this is where you are, and maybe this is where you say you want to be. Maybe this should be even more so. Women should really be in charge. Okay. Once again, if that works for you, if that works for you, you found a partner that's happy with that and it's working for both of you, you're golden. But this becomes a problem generally, where the woman says, I am the boss, I get the final word, I am the queen of this house. You do what I tell you. Whenever we disagree, I will tell you how things will go. So I am in the leadership position, as in our relationship. Uh, but then you want other configurations, you want this in your relationship leadership, but you want the man to make more money than you, and you want him to give you more containment. But when it comes to having the final word, you want to be the one in charge. Yeah, this is where your life breaks down. This is where your desires do not really correspond to any reality. Because this man doesn't exist. If you find him, hooray for you. Great. But generally, men who are dominant in their temperament, men who are able to give good containment to their women and they're self-contained, men who are making good money and have made something of themselves and they love taking care of their women. Yeah. You want them to come home and be your little puppy dog? Maybe you'll find them. Maybe you'll find such a man too. I don't know. But that's the question. This weird combinations, these weird criteria people have these days on how they want their relationship to be. Are there people out there who actually fit this profile? Right? The question then becomes you want a man who is this far in his masculine temperament, you want a man who is this far in his self-containment and ability to give containment, you want a man who is this far in his financial leadership. But when it comes to having the final word, I am the boss at home. You be my little good little boy, you do what mommy says. Yeah, and it gets worse than that. Right. You want to be the boss, babe, but you also want to be romanced. So when it comes to romantic leadership, you really want your man to take charge and make you feel like the woman. Be the romantic. So I can be the girl. Right? Once again, there are plenty of men who want to do this for you. So I'm not saying you can't have this particular configuration. I'm saying it may be really, really hard to have this configuration and these three configurations, and also this configuration. This is La La Land. This is most this is where most of you women are falling off a ledge. This is where feminism has fucked you when they have told you you can have anything you want. Any way you want it. Order your food any way you want it. You want a vegetarian steak, you can have it. Who tells you you can't have a vegetarian steak? You can have a vegetarian steak. Yeah, that's amazingly narcissistic to think the universe is gonna bend itself backwards to accommodate your criteria. Once again, if you find it and can keep it, go for it. But I'm in the problem-solving business, and I'm in the problem-identifying business. So if any of this is landing for you, try and identify your problem so you can solve them. Most people don't have this kind of a clarity. This is why you pay me money to come to my classes because this is what I do in my free time. I create these tools to explain things to you. Most of you just have a lump in your head. Your ideal partner, he's gonna be these things, and I want to break it down for you. I'm like, these three things you want from a man, don't go with these two things you want from a man. That's fantasy, it's lala land, it's bullshit. This is why you haven't found him, doesn't exist. Erotic leadership, right? This is my bread and butter. I teach BDSM, I teach people how to have better sex, I teach men how to handle their women better. I even train pro-doms to go out there and handle rich, submissive men and make a lot of money. This is an area I really understand deeply. For most of you, straight women out there, you want to submit in the bedroom. You may not even be comfortable saying, I want to submit because that word is so ugly these days. A woman submitting, but you want to be handled. You want a super dom over here to make you putty in his hands and make you melt and blindfold you and take charge of you and give you orgasm after orgasm or deprive you of orgasm after orgasm and give you all kinds of fun. So this is a no-brainer for most women. Just about every woman will say, No, no, no, I definitely want the super dom in the bedroom. Give me Mr. Gray. Yeah, I was actually gonna talk about the Fifty Shades of Grey as kind of a profile example. I like teaching from movies, and it's easier to teach from movies because uh we have the common experience and the common example to talk about. So, even in 50 Shades of Gray, of course, that very quiet, innocent, virgin egalitarian girl, by the way, egalitarian girl. Uh come back to her, maybe we'll talk more about her. Even she wants the dungeon play. She does not want his relationship leadership. She is a lousy submissive when it comes to relationship submission. Yeah, horrible submissive when it comes. She's a total modern woman, she's a total boss babe. She starts off as an egalitarian girl, as a new college graduate, very innocent. She actually has an egalitarian boy after her, right? The the prototypical nice guy that she's not interested in, who's very sweet, egalitarian, doesn't care for him. But when it comes to the to the bedroom, to the dungeon, she was she likes Mr. Gray for that part. That's the whole story, right? So kind of look at this profile. Look at where we started and look at where we ended up.

SPEAKER_01 36:28

Right.

SPEAKER_00 36:31

What is the egalitarian temperament? When you see egalitarian couples, they're usually here close to zero. I often see them, neither of them is able to give containment to the other. Financial leadership, they usually clump together. Right? Oftentimes the men may be making less money than the woman. Relational leadership, woman's in charge. At least by a little bit. If this were a boss paid profile, she would be over here. There'll be no question she's in charge. She has the final word. Right? Romantic leadership, all women will say, but I want the man to make me feel like a girl. I want him to be here. Okay. This is what you want, but then why aren't you getting it? Because oftentimes your egalitarian boyfriends they don't have romantic initiative initiative. They neither have romantic initiative nor do they have erotic initiative. This is a very generous setting on my part. Oftentimes, the man is more submissive than the woman. Oftentimes, this is entirely reversed. Your egalitarian couples, the men are often sexually submissive. Because all this other submission is in alignment with it. Now, please remember, I am not I'm not condemning sexual submission in men. I'm not, I don't care. I I'm I train my pro-doms in this configuration. I train my pro-doms to be great service doms and go handle submissive men as clients and make a lot of money. I don't have any problem with anything that people do. This conversation is about this woman, this egalitarian woman. And is she getting what she wants? The woman who believes I only want equal partnership. She wants equal partnership, but when it comes to Eras, what does she really want? She wants surrender. At least in the dungeon, she wants polarity. There she does want the polarity. Why? Because there is no heat in this. Yeah. Eros is one thing that doesn't work well in egalitarianism. EROS is one thing that doesn't work well in equality. That's a journalization. If you are an exception to it, God bless you. Yeah. Journalizations are important because you know that's the whole point. We're not chasing the exception. We are kind of chasing how things are far and wide on the broad side. And on the broad side, if there is no polarity between people, there is no EROS. So even the women who are like, No, I am the boss in my relationship, and whatever else, usually, when it comes down to EROS, she will say, No, I want a super DOM who can put me in my submissive in here. And once you look at where you are and where you're desiring to be, you can kind of start to see the glitches in your configuration, in your expectations. And it's not that hard to figure out why you're not finding people who fit this entire profile that you fantasized. Why is it that no matter what relationship you seek, that when you seek a new partner and a new partner and a new partner, the same shit keeps showing up, the same breakdown keeps showing up. Right? And I'm like, if you look at this with some clarity, it's no fucking surprise at all. It is it is on the goddamn page. I can see it from a mile away. Right? If you insist as a woman that my developed temperament is, I'm a boss, babe, I'm a masculine woman. I may present as feminine, gorgeous dresses, big tits, big boobs, all the all the uh artificial enhancements presenting as female, that's really not what I'm saying. You may look great with fabulous tits, but your temperament is masculine, right? Our reality shows and our social media is bombarded with this archetype right now. Really pretty women who are very masculine in their temperament. They're not butch, they haven't shaved their heads. That's another category of women. Most of the women presenting as very pretty, doing all the plastic work. Their temperaments are still very masculine, they're still cockswinging in their energies. So you put yourself here from the top that this is my temperament. I'm a boss babe. I go out there and I get things done, I say what's gonna happen, and you also say, in relationship, I get the final word. Great, okay, wonderful. Man's gonna do what I say him to do. I'm gonna be the boss babe, and in my temperament, I'm gonna be masculine. Okay. Now I say, Well, what do you want in your containment? I want a man who can hold me, a strong man who can hold me, especially when I'm losing my shit, which means this is what you want. In containment leadership, you want the man to be strong. What do you want in financial leadership? Oh, he should definitely make more money than me. So maybe this isn't even balanced. Maybe she's also working, but maybe this is your configuration. I'm gonna make money, but he should make a lot more money than me. My money is just for me, right? When we are together, he takes care of me. Right? Sorry if I'm sounding ghetto. I've been watching a lot of YouTube videos. It really rubs off all these women talking this way. Yeah, my money's for me when we get together. He pays for everything. That's my ideal man. I mean, even the neck roll is coming in. Relationship leadership. Oh, me, I get the final word. Great, erotic leadership. Oh, super dom. Super super dom. I want my Mr. Gray. Okay, well, now let's look at these possibilities over here. You want to be masculine over here, but now you want this man to switch way to this side, become a super dom and give you great containment. And once he's done giving you containment, you want to go back to him being soft and you being the masculine one. Oh, okay, interesting. Right. You want this really soft car here, but he should be like, you know, at least seven figures handling you. When it comes to relationships, though, he should reverse, crisscross, go back to your side, boy. Mama's in charge. You should make all the money. You should make all the money. Pay for mama. Yeah. Go out there, make money. But when we have a disagreement or when we decide how things are gonna go, don't ever forget, I'm in charge. Yeah. Are you out of your fucking minds? Do you have any understanding of men? Do you have any respect for men? Do you have any idea what it takes to be this man up here? Do you think this man became who he is by being anybody's puppy dog? Do you have any idea how many other women are after this man? Right? And when a man is this far in his dominance, which one of these women do you think he is going to be attracted to? Right? You are over here. Take a wild fucking guess that the man who is this dominant in his financial life, here you are, the boss babe, making some money, right? In his relationship dynamic, which one is he attracted to? In his romantic leadership, which woman is he attracted to? And you think he's just gonna switch sides? He's gonna go from making his seven figures to coming and being your puppy dog at home, right? And you want him to be your puppy dog in your relationship, do what you tell him to do, but you somehow want him to switch in the bedroom, go from being submissive boy to being Mr. Gray, because this is what you want. You want to be dominant in the daytime and submissive in the nighttime, so you want him to be submissive in the daytime and dominant in the nighttime. And you say, Why not? I want my complimentary part. Alright. Go for it. Let me know when you find him. Yeah. Let me know what works for you. Let me know if it works out. Send me a note. Right. People can't zigzag all over the place in their temperament, in their dominance, in their leadership. We are not built that way. And your your design requirements for the kind of man that fits with your wacky, very artificial, modern woman, feminist configuration. There is no complimentary part to it. The men who are developed in their masculinity, the men who are strong in their containment, the men who have made a good deal of money. Yeah. Men who also like to lead romantically and who like to lead in their relationship, who actually do like to dominate and handle their women. Have you ever asked? So this is the man you want, right? Most of you good in containment, probably not undeveloped, you wouldn't know what to do with this guy. You would think he's toxic if he was actually that masculine. You would run from him, right? But you'd want him to be strong in containment, strong in finances, strong in romance, strong in eros. Have you asked, what does this man want? That's the man you're looking for, right? That's the man you're shopping for. Have you ever asked yourself, wonder what that man wants? Wonder what that man is looking for? And the answer is really not that complicated. He actually is looking for his counterpart. He's actually looking for his balance. He's looking for balance. His chart looks very simple compared to your zigzag mess up an art show. This is what his needs are. So do you even know how to be this woman? Right? Up to you. It is really b mind-boggling to me. People's expectations, especially women's expectations. They think the custom design man is gonna come fit me exactly as I am. Right? They have the fantasy that I am really not gonna change. I want this dominant man, but I am not gonna change. I'm still going to be my boss, babe, and he should be super strong in containing me. Fine, financial leadership. He should be over here, and maybe I'll be over here in relationship dynamic. This is absolutely unacceptable. I absolutely need the final word, right? And I'm gonna stay as I am, but he needs to provide the super dom energy, and then you're like, Well, where are those men? And I'm like, those men, when they spot you from 20 feet away, are gonna go in the other direction because you don't fit what they are looking for, right? And you don't know this, you don't know this because chances are you're not even encountering those men, they are not encountering you because they know what they want, and granted, this is a rare species these days, a man who truly is embodied in his masculinity, a man who truly is self-contained and can give good containment to his woman, a man who's making a good deal of money, man who loves to lead romantically, man who is a good leader of his relationship, and man who knows this is like the lottery ticket. Right, you want the lottery ticket of a man, and these men are rare, they are very rare. They are rare, and obviously, they're attractive. Women find them attractive. Many, many women are looking for this man, this this man on the right, with all the high scores in dominance. You want this man, but you have no idea how to be this woman, and when you encounter this woman on the left, you probably think uh badly of her because she is submissive, but she matches this man over here. So feel into it. You can play with these profiles. I've created these profiles on what my estimate of some of these profiles look like when I see them with their partners. I'll see the boss babe very masculinized, often with a pretty he may think he's in an equal relationship, but clearly she's in charge. But he's very soft, he is uh very compliant, non-confrontational, right? And then and the same man is not able to give her any good containment when she needs it. But this is often a source of breakdown, even for the boss babe, because the boss babe is a boss babe on social media, she's not a boss babe alone at home at 2 a.m. when going through a crisis, she's a mess, and when she is a mess, she may be all the way here, and her man is nowhere able to give her containment. Right, she actually doesn't want uh relationship leadership because if you truly are you may want the final word, but if you truly were the leader of your relationship, you would give containment to the other person. That's the correct definition of who's the leader in a relationship, right? In a parent-child relationship, the parent is the leader, and the parent gives containment to their children. It's obvious, right? The parent should be like this, the parent-child dynamic should look like this. The parent is the leader of the relationship, and the parent contains the children. This is normal, this is good, this is healthy. Alright, I'm gonna leave it there for a while. This is uh part of my uh teaching utility for my courses for men and women. Hope you found that useful. If you want more of it, uh come check out my classes. All of this will also be going into the self study courses, which are going to be released soon. All right. Hope that was useful.

unknown 54:04

Bye.