If Your Husband Has Turned Into Your Child 04 - You Have Wounding Around Masculine Authority

IF YOUR HUSBAND HAS TURNED INTO YOUR CHILD 04 - YOU HAVE WOUNDING AROUND MASCULINE AUTHORITY

A woman's relationship to masculine authority is a crucial factor in how her energies run towards her man.

If she thinks masculine power is benevolent, if she thinks masculine power renders her safer, she will logically be in support of men being in their power, of her own man being in his power.

If she thinks masculine power is inherently threatening to women, then overtly or covertly she will try to sabotage men's power.

The subtle methods a woman might apply to diminish or sabotage masculine power are many. Here is a short list:

1. By intruding into his decisiveness and decision making.
2. By having him constantly lose with her, because the more a man loses, the more his power diminishes.
3. By sowing doubt into his certainty.
4. By resenting him when he is in his ease and rest.
5. By infantilizing him — often by employing some of the methods listed above.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Hello everybody. I wanted to add one more conversation in the series. If your husband has turned into your child, and the premise here is the reason for that might be that the woman has wounding around masculine authority. This is a very big topic. This particular topic of women's wounding around masculine authority is itself a multi-conversation topic. I feel there's a lot of richness here. It also tends to be a difficult conversation. A lot of these energies uh run in the shadow. They are not on the surface. Uh many women are very reluctant to admit and that they are holding or running these energies with men or with their own partner. And that's why, well, that's why it's even more important to try and excavate it. Otherwise, they keep operating in the background and uh keep creating havoc in people's relationships. So let me try and unpack it. This connects uh to a whole section I'm writing uh for the submissive women course, the self-study course, which I hope to release by the end of this month. In that course, I'm adding a section, I'm titling it for now, uh, Women's Nemesis Energies with Men. Nemesis energies. Nemesis against fighting, destroying. It is not a very great energy to hold with anybody that you claim you're in a love relationship with. But I'm seeing there is there is this bundle of energy many, many women are carrying towards men. And it is interesting, it's really interesting and curious from a scientific perspective, like what exactly is happening here? Why are women carrying so much negative energies? And we also have this concept uh of well, if you're gonna if a woman wants to have a healthy relationship with her man, she should heal her wounding with the masculine. And I agree with that in like a general principle, but I have a scientific mind, but I'm like, okay, what does that mean? Is every woman's quote-unquote wounding with the masculine something unique? Is it entirely based on her personal experience? What is it? What does it look like? And a little bit of clarity, a little bit of uh synthesis, I feel I am arriving at is essentially a great bulk of what we would call women's wounding with the masculine is they are wounding around masculine authority, around masculine power, around men being in their authority, around men being in their power. That either because of negative personal experiences with men, you have come to distrust men in authority, men in their power. It could be also through ideology. There is wholesale ideology for the last sixty years which has told women masculine power is evil. You should be suspicious of masculine power, you should in fact fight it. They've been advocating that please fight, destroy, and sabotage masculine power. Take down the patriarchy. Patriarchy is masculine power. And it is your solemn duty as a woman to weaken, to sabotage, to destroy, to tear down masculine power. It's your noble cause. Right there is like a nickel's worth of therapy. If one part of you is so determined to tear down masculine power, you should at least slow down and inquire. Well, what kind of a connection I want to have with men anyway in personal life? Truly. Try and find consistency between the two areas. Try at least to come out of the shadow. Yeah. You know, I I made this observation a while ago. I'm not the only one who has made it. I've heard other thinkers and writers phrase this in their own way. And it seems like a joke. It seems like a dark joke almost. But if it it doesn't really land as funny, and if it lands as a joke, it's because, as they say, if it's funny, it's because it's true. This is what I've observed. Women work very hard to turn their man into the kind of man they don't want to be with. I'll say that again, because I know it's a mouthful. A woman will work very hard to turn her man into the kind of man she doesn't want to be with. I've seen this phenomenon over and over. I've observed it, I've witnessed it, I've coached people who are going through it. It's baffled me for years. What are women doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? The way you are treating this man, if he continues to take the treatment you're giving him, he will only become the kind of man you will hold even more in contempt. Why are you acting this way? What is compelling you? I have seen women these days, because everybody's making confessionals on YouTube. So it's an interesting data set. People actually come and they talk about things. And women will you'll find videos where women say, I did this. I did this, I did this to my man, I did this to my husband, I deliberately treated him with contempt. I deliberately criticized everything he did. I knew it was hurting him, and the more he took it, the more I hated him, and in the end I left him. And it seems bizarre, it seems self-destructive. Why are you women acting this way? By the way, there isn't a parallel phenomenon on the men's part. Right? And I think if I give you my thesis, you will at least it's coherent within it. Which is not to say that men don't have negative feelings towards women. Absolutely, men carry negative feelings towards women. When I'm coaching men, but I feel I can really I can ask men two questions. I can ask men two questions, and if they answer those questions honestly, I can see within them where the gunk is towards the feminine that needs to be cleaned up in this man. Right? I think for most men, these two questions suffice. These two questions are tell me all the ways you resent women, tell me all the ways you resent women. Second question, and it's interrelated to the first. Tell me all the ways you think women are unfair, and all the ways women specifically have been unfair to you. These are the two questions I would encourage men to journal on. You want to know what your clutter, what your negative energies, what is the detrius in your field with women that might be sabotaging your your connections as a man? Answer these two questions. What are the resentments you're carrying towards women? And what are all the ways you think women are unfair and that the way they have been unfair to you? Fairness is a very big deal for men. And every time they feel they've been treated unfairly, it creates a deep wound, and they that wound they carry over, it makes them gunshine that they're gonna be treated that way again, and that burden, unhealed burden they can carry into the next relationship. So that's the men's part. That's a conversation for another day. But I just wanted to say for the record, this isn't a mirror phenomenon. All the ways a woman can employ a myriad of energies to sabotage masculine authority, there's like nothing equivalent to that on the men's side. Women truly have an arsenal of techniques. A woman will employ a technique that works for her temperament and that works for this guy. And because these are shadow energies, oftentimes they work in very subtle ways. They're shadow operators, so they give them a good cover. I've listed five in the description for this podcast. The list is longer. I'm writing this section in the submissive women course on a woman's nemesis energies, and my list keeps getting longer. I'm I think I'm already at number 12. On all the ways, it's worthwhile pointing out the nuances because from the outside it may think this is a personality quirk or this is something specific to this couple, that they have this negative energy running between them. But if you look at it from this perspective, you will realize that what all of those women are doing, what all of those techniques are doing, is sabotaging and diminishing masculine authority and masculine power. And why would you do that? Because you don't trust it, because you think it's a threat. So it's logical for you to do so. Right? But women may not know they're doing it, and that's where the shadow piece. That's where women are working very hard to turn their men to the kind of man they don't want to be with. Why? Because one part of you is drawn to masculine power. This is the hell you are in. If only you could get off with weak men, if only you could just be on one side saying, I have seen men in power and authority, those men have hurt me. I no longer want to be around men who are in their power and authority. I would rather be with men that I can have authority over. I will find those men, I will find those submissive men, and I'm done and done. I'm happy. I found the kind of man I want to be with. I want to be with a man who is afraid of me. I want to be with a man who does what I tell him to do. I want a man I can control. If only you got off on that and you could say that out loud, you could just actually be a domina, you could actually be in a female-led relationship and have male submissives and slaves and live your happy life. But the shadow piece comes in that you are still drawn to male authority, you're drawn to strong men, you're drawn to powerful men. So that's one part of you. That's one part of you, and now there's another part of you running underneath that is afraid of masculine authority, that resents masculine power, that doesn't trust masculine power, that feels masculine power can hurt you, that part of you goes to work on destroying this man's authority and power. Yeah. There was this line in a Sting song when he's writing about a vampire. How does it go? I love the thing I destroy, I destroy the thing I love. Yeah, it's like a vampire drawn to the beauty of a lovely woman with a lovely neck, and then he can't help killing her. And then he's like, Oh no, I killed her. Uh it's a little bit like that. You're drawn to masculine power, and as soon as you encounter it, as soon as you're close to it, you go to very hard work dismantling it. And it's a hell of sorts. On the men's part, those men who have done their work, those more men who are a bit along in their journey, this is something for you to watch out for. Is the woman you're with actually relishing your authority and power? Is thinking your authority and power is to her benefit? Does she make you bigger or does she make you smaller? Right. It's a very powerful prompt. I've given this woman a prompt, this prompt a long time ago. Leave every man bigger. Leave every man more powerful. You women have that power. You women truly have that power to leave every man you encounter bigger. But to do that, you can't think that his bigness is going to come back to hurt you. You have to think his bigness is an asset in the world. You have to think that this man coming more into his power is an asset in this world. And that that is really not a common belief these days. The feminists today are outright saying men should shut the fuck up and go away. Like actually, actively, men should not take on leadership roles. Please shut the fuck up and go into the back row. They're saying this out loud. Amazing, nobody censors them for this level of misandry in public. So masculine authority is not in fashion, masculine authority is not being championed, it is outright being reviled. And then on top of that, we have this misery of man-women relating, where women say they want embodied men, masculine men, powerful men, men in their authority, and then there's another part of you that simply is afraid of it, it resents it, feels threatened by it, and you go to work dismantling it. And this ties in to the theme of this particular series that if your husband is turned into your child, it may be that the man being a child is actually what you are comfortable with. You are actually not comfortable with your husband being in his masculine authority. So you infantilize him, you do everything in your power to turn him into your child because you don't know how to be with a king. A child is easier to control than a king. And you would rather be able to control your man than the other, than to have him be completely embodied in his authority. You don't trust masculine authority. You're drawn to it, but you don't trust it. This is the hell. This is the attraction and repulsion. On the surface, you are building with this man, underneath the surface, you are doing everything you can to destroy this man. And I think men will be able to relate to this. They have experienced this phenomenon. That a woman will be drawn to them initially, she will even praise him for his embodiment and his qualities, and then she will really go to work to destroy it. And he's like, What are you doing? Why are you doing this? This shadow piece really needs to be addressed if people are going to build happy relationships, if men and women are going to build truly win-win dynamics. Otherwise, the shadow piece really runs the show. My premise for my couple scores for my relationship theory is create a win-win. It's the most non-controversial, boring idea. Come into agreement, be reciprocal, nourish each other, be interested in nourishing each other, and create a win-win dynamic. And on both sides, if you're carrying negative energies, I'm not saying only women carry negative energies. If a man is carrying negative energies from his past wounding and betrayals, if a man is resentful of his woman, you can't lead your woman. How could she possibly trust you to lead her if you are holding resentment against her? It won't work. Your energies towards your woman need to be really clean, then you really need to be heart-based. You really have to want more for your woman. You really have to be a stance for her fulfillment and flourishing in life. And if there are energies you're carrying as a man that are keeping you from going there, that's your work to clean up. And on the women's side, I think this is a very, very big topic. This is such a significant topic that unless you deal with it, don't pass code, don't collect 200. This thing will keep sabotaging your relationships over and over again. If you don't acknowledge and don't deal with your wounding around masculine authority and masculine power, you women are so clever. You have so many subtle ways. And on the surface, it may not look like anything because you cover everything up. I've listed five here. These should ring some bell. Five ways, five techniques I have seen, common techniques I've seen women use to diminish masculine power, to sabotage masculine power. Number one, by intruding into his decisiveness and decision making. Yeah. Intruding into his decisiveness and decision making. And how will you cover this up? Oh, you're just being judicious. Oh, we're doing this? Did you have you not considered all the other five options? Are you sure, dear? Are you positive? Hmm. Maybe we should think about the other one. Are you being judicious or are you just fucking his power? Are you destroying his power? Are you literally pulling the beams underneath him? By having him constantly lose with you. It's a really dark technique. Because whether overtly or covertly, you do understand that the more a man loses, the more his power diminishes. That's a great way to have a man lose power. Just have him lose with you. He can't do anything right. Yeah, it's pretty poisonous. By sowing doubt into his certainty. Right? This is an interesting one to observe when it shows up. Women who simply despise men's certainty. How dare you make a decision that clearly and go with it? That's just arrogance. Sowing doubt. Doubt is poison to men. By resenting him when he is in his ease and rest, this is so subtle it really takes some thinking to think about. This is something Alison Armstrong, bless her soul, has pointed out. I love her for this. She really digs deep sometimes into these patterns and brings up the ones that are not very obvious. And this is one I've seen her speak on that women fucking hate when men are just having fun. Why is that? When men are laughing, when men are just busting each other's balls, sitting around playing poker, having beer, women fucking hate seeing that. But why? Oh my god, why? And she says, and now I agree, I didn't hear understand it the first time I heard her say it, is because men having fun is men in their power. Men laughing, having fun, playing poker, drinking beer, being loud. They're just having fun. They don't give a shit about anything, they don't even need women. Not in that moment. Women can't stand it. They will come in, they will intrude, they will give you a chore, they will be unhappy, they will try to destroy your fun, your peace, your celebration. Because that is men in their power. That is also a man saying, I don't need no woman right now. Take a hike. You don't have any control over that man, a man who's just having fun with other men, enjoying himself. That is a form of sabotaging the man's power, simply intruding and disapproving of his rest and play and ease. Number five, which is the topic of this series, is by infantilizing him. And usually by one of these techniques, by intruding in his decisiveness and decision making. Are you sure, dear? Have you looked at all the other AD items on the menu before placing your dinner order? Are you sure they have this too? Did you look at that one? What are you doing? Shut the fuck up. Order your own meal and shut the fuck up. Man just placed his order. I'm watching my man's back. No, you're not. You are turning him into your child. You're infantilizing him. Because infantilizing him, having him be your infant, is your comfort zone with men. You can't stand men who are decisive, powerful, quick, death killer instincts, who don't want your approval, who don't need, who don't need your second for placing their uh dinner order or for making a big decision in their career. They know what they're doing, they know where they're going, and they don't need you. They've already decided. You don't have any power over them. But instead of saying, wow, that's the kind of man I want to be with, you are threatened by that power and you sabotage it. You infantilize him. And then you complain, you've turned into my infant. And this is the nightmare you women are in when you run the shadow. If only you could be happy with the infant, this case would be closed. Turn him into an infant, suckle him on your breast, and go home. But you don't. You turn him into your infant, you suckle him on your breast, and you resent the shit out of him that he's turned into your baby. And it's a dark phenomenon that's happening. And again, I think if you track it all down to your relationship to masculine authority and power, it may give you some clarity on what you're doing and why you're doing it. Why are you applying all these shitty techniques to diminish your man of his power when on the surface you say you want a powerful man? It is because underneath the surface, where you are wounded, you don't trust masculine authority. You don't trust masculine power. So in my introduction to the section, A Woman's Nemesis Energies, these are the questions I have written. I'm gonna read these to you, and that should be enough for this conversation. So this is addressed to women. What's your relationship to masculine authority? How do you feel about masculine power? How do you feel about a man in power? How do you feel about a man having power over you? How do you feel about a man being so seated in his power that he is unshakable even by you? Is masculine authority a threat to you? Is masculine authority a potential threat to you? Is masculine authority something you need to keep an eye on to make sure it doesn't hurt you? Are you suspicious of it? Does masculine authority cause you to sleep more soundly at night? Or does it keep you awake? Does masculine authority make you feel safe and thus cause you to lower your vigilance? Or is masculine some power, is masculine power something you feel it is sensible to be vigilant against? Feel into those questions. Feel into what happened in your body. When I ask you, do you think masculine power is here to protect you? Do you feel at ease around masculine power? Or do you feel suspicious and under threat around masculine power? It'll tell you everything you need to know about your relationship to it. Trust the visceral energies in your system. Listen to your emotional body. It'll tell you everything about where you are and what you're manifesting with men. If your visceral, if your visceral response, if your emotional body responds, masculine power, threat, you should know that right away. You're not healed. If you're a straight woman pursuing relationships with men, that is going to show up. And the low less aware you are of it, the more it'll run in the shadow. But the proof is in your emotional body. If your system responds, oh fuck no, masculine power is not here to protect me, masculine power is here to hurt me. Truly, do not pass goal, do not collect 200, don't pursue any more men, get off the apps. No relationship with a man is gonna work out for you in the long run. It's pointless. You will sabotage it. You will sabotage masculine power. You will be drawn to it and then you will kill it. Love the thing I destroy, destroy the thing I love. You're gonna be like a vampire. You're gonna be drawn to powerful men and you're gonna resent the shit out of powerful men. You're gonna be drawn to powerful men, then you're gonna do everything in your power to kill their power. To diminish them, to infantilize them. It's a pretty nasty game. It is a really pretty nasty game. Is there a message here for men? I don't know. Feel into all of this, test it out. Feel into your own negative energies towards women, work on work on yourself to heal those, clear your field so that if you are pursuing a woman, if you are with a woman, you are there with your full heart, open heart, wanting the best for that woman so you can lead her well, so you can lead her with a big heart and an open heart. And on the receiving end, truly feel into which woman is a stand for you being in your power and authority, and which woman is working very hard in very subtle ways to whittle away at your power and authority. Around which woman do you feel bigger, around which woman do you feel smaller, and trust your feelings, trust your evidence, trust how you feel around a woman. Trust how you feel after you've been with a woman. Do you feel bigger or smaller? And trust that.